Chapter 76 Section 1

When I got to the hospital, Malatang was in the emergency room. She suddenly suffocated because of kidney failure, which affected other organs. Aunt Wang cried and fell into Uncle Xu's arms, begging the doctor to allow her to donate one of her kidneys.Song Xiang stared at the door of the emergency room, his face pale, like a dying person. Finally, the doctor came out and said to Uncle Xu: "The patient's condition is temporarily stable, but the kidney is failing too fast. If the transplant operation is not performed immediately, I'm afraid the next time..." His words were interrupted by Aunt Wang's sudden fainting, and the doctors and nurses who had just walked out of the emergency room entered the emergency room again, busy trying to rescue Aunt Wang.

Wife and daughter entered the emergency room one after another. Uncle Xu finally couldn't hold on anymore and his body was shaking. I immediately helped him sit on the chair, and he asked me, "Have you finished watching?" "I've finished reading it. I want to stay alone with Malatang for a while. I will return the diary to you later." Uncle Xu nodded weakly. I walked into the ward, locked the door, and sat in front of the Mala Tang bed. Without opening her eyes, she asked weakly, "Manman?" I said yes." She said: "I'm sorry, I tried my best, but the cells in my body don't listen to me."

"You didn't try your best! You just didn't take the initiative to look for death, but you didn't take the initiative to look for life. You must have felt in your heart that you couldn't escape Xu Qiu's shadow no matter what, so you gave up at all. Inferiority, cowardice, avoidance. You obviously don’t want to paint because you think you’re ugly, but you don’t admit it, you say you don’t like painting anymore; you obviously gave up because you can’t dance well, But you say it's because you don't like that teacher. Every time you give up, you have an excuse, and you never admit that the reason is only yourself."

Mala Tang yelled: "No, it's because of Xu Qiu!" "That's right! Xu Qiu has become an excuse for all your failures again. It can be said that you can't draw because of Xu Qiu, that you can't dance is because of Xu Qiu, that you can't get into college is because of Xu Qiu, you Unhappiness is caused by Xu Qiu, Song Xiang does not love you, it is also caused by Xu Qiu. How did Xu Qiu hurt you? Did she take the brush away from your hand? She asked your dance teacher not to teach Did you? Did she ask you not to listen in class? In the final analysis, she is only an external cause, and you are the internal cause! All choices are made by yourself. External factors can affect internal factors, but they can never make decisions for internal factors. Now you are tired You are disappointed, you are tired, and you plan to give up again, and the reason is Xu Qiu again!"

Malatang cried and said: "I don't want to hear you talk, you go out!" I ignored her, opened the diary, and began to read aloud, starting from Xu Qiu's participation in the wedding of his father and that woman. "That woman's belly is slightly protruding. My aunt said that because there was a person living in her belly, and that my father had to marry that woman because of this person. I don't understand..." Malatang's crying gradually subsided, and Xu Qiu's diary brought her back to her childhood, examining herself and Xu Qiu from another angle.

When she heard Xu Qiu push her down and run away, she cried on the ground, but Xu Qiu was facing the wind, crying silently, and she frowned in disbelief. When she heard Xu Qiu's unhappiness and anxiety after teasing her in front of the whole school, she was puzzled, and murmured to herself: "I thought she was lucky, she was very happy. Since she is not happy, why did she tease me? " When she heard that every time she gave up, she said it on her own initiative, she remained silent. ... I flipped through the diary page by page until Xu Qiu went abroad, and I said, "Xu Qiu's subsequent diary has little to do with you, but I want to read it to you, not because of Song Xiang, but because of Xu Qiu. "

Malatang was silent, and I began to read to her.In order to make it easier for her to understand, I replaced the vague "he" in the diary with Song Xiang and K. "...Dancing and flying, my tears flowed down my cheeks. I knew that I was about to lose Song Xiang—my light. From then on, I will dance with the darkness forever." Outside the room, it was completely dark.Many people have knocked on the door, and I have not responded to all of them. Malatang lay silently, I looked down at Xu Qiu's diary and said: "Xu Qiu lived a very sober life, although she understated it, we can all imagine that K did many things to her, not only opening the gate of hell for her, He still held her hand, pushed and pulled, coaxed and coaxed her in, and led her in. But from the beginning to the end, she didn't feel that K was responsible for everything, because she knew that K was only the external cause, and she herself was the internal cause of all actions. Of course , she is an adult and can be responsible for herself, but sometimes her young age cannot be explained as the reason. For example, some children have a good family background and their parents carefully create learning conditions for him, but he does not study hard. Some children's parents play mahjong all day long. , but he was able to sit first in his homework amidst the sound of mahjong. Xu Qiu's existence forced you to be precocious, and you have other choices in many cases, but the choice you make is to give up! We have all heard of Ai Yin The story of Stan’s small bench, facing the ridicule of the whole class, he can calmly say 'I am doing better now than the last one', why can't you say to Xu Qiu, 'I am indeed not doing well now, but I The next time will be better than now'. Maybe I am too harsh to say this, but I want you to understand that Xu Qiu is always the external cause, and you are the internal cause. It is you who chose to give up everything!"

Malatang suddenly said: "You said she drew a sketch for me, I want to see it." I turned the desk lamp to the brightest and put the painting in front of her eyes, and she watched it intently.The little girl in the painting is wearing a small floral dress, and is drawing with a crayon. The drawing board is a task of drawing, but the little girl's technique is still very rough, so the face of the character is very cartoon. When Xu Qiu drew this sketch back then, she must have been unusually careful. The little florals on the skirt and the person the little girl was drawing were all outlined in one stroke, and she could even imitate the little girl's brushwork to draw the tasks in the sketchpad .

Malatang said in a low voice: "I was painting her, I thought she didn't know, but she did." "She has an extremely lonely soul. She longs for warmth, but hurts everyone who brings her warmth." Someone was knocking on the people in the ward again, I didn't care, and said to Malatang: "This diary was given to me by your father. He already knew everything you experienced after Xu Qiu died. You have noticed his love for so many years. Has it changed? Have you noticed his concern for you? You haven't!" Malatang looked at me blankly. I squatted beside her, held her hand, and said very forcefully: "Your mother also entered the emergency room because of you. I can't imagine what would happen to her if you...you died? Maybe it's better to put her Give you a kidney transplant and let her die right away. Your father still looks strong because he believes in you. He believes that Xu Zhongjin’s daughter is not someone who ignores her family and gives up lightly. But if you really do this Yes, I tell him... he will collapse, and a strong man will fall more painfully when he collapses."

There were tears in Malatang's eyes, and I said, "I can't comment on the grievances between Xu Qiu and you, nor can I ask you to forgive her, but, do you know? When she was sober before she died, she took the initiative to treat her. Your dad said 'give my kidney to the little girl', I don't ask her out of atonement, nor regretting what I did. She doesn't care about this, she is just very simple, but she has to admit that you are her sister , she is your sister." Malatang's tears rolled down and dripped on the painting; my tears also rolled down and dripped on her injury.

"Ma La Tang, if you die, I will never forgive Song Xiang! But in this world, the person I don't want to hate is him. If you really regard me as a sister, please don't make me suffer!"