Chapter 75 Section 3

Today, I tried marijuana. He recommended that I use marijuana with spirits, which I tried. He gave me white powder, I feel absolutely disgusted.He laughed, timid?I told him that I was attracted to hell, but not planning to fall into hell.He sucked a little, then kissed me.In the dark, only me and him, I did not refuse. If he is light, then he is darkness.When he called me, I felt that I was longing for the light; but when I saw him gracefully holding up the wine glass and extending an invitation to me, I felt that I was longing to be drunk with him. I drank a few sips of wine and cleared my mind. Xu Qiu is used to hiding herself, so her diary is short and vague. There are two him in it—one is Song Xiang, and the other is her new acquaintance in New York. the one who fell in front of her.For some reason, I suddenly remembered the man who kissed the back of my hand.I couldn't explain how I felt, my heart hurt badly, and I took a rest before I dared to continue looking down.

We shared a joint and I asked him why he didn't use white powder and he said "because I don't want to go to hell either".He can smoke, but the number of times is strictly controlled, and he will not become addicted.He kisses me and I tell him I have a boyfriend and he smiles nonchalantly. We had sex and he used coercion, but I didn't want to say I was an innocent rape victim.Women may desire to be controlled by the government in their bones, but he just satisfied my hidden desire.He was surprised that I was a virgin and I responded by slapping him twice.I had my first argument with him on the phone.

I let out a long breath, the first half of this text should be about Xu Qiu and that person, and the last sentence should be about her and Song Xiang. Having dinner with a client, meeting him, we never thought that we would meet in a bright place one day, we were all surprised by each other's identities, pretended to meet for the first time, and shook hands like normal people.At the end of dinner, I got a call from him.While I was talking to him, he also stepped into the elevator, which was just the two of us, and put his hand under my clothes.My boyfriend was talking to me on the phone while I gasped at the hands of another man.I know he does it on purpose, he enjoys manipulating and fooling people, which is exactly what I do.

I quarrel with him more and more times, every time I provoke and irritate him.And I sadly discovered that the reason for my provocation was actually because of guilt!How could I feel guilty?I thought this emotion had faded from my vitality.If I tried to find darkness from him but was disappointed, then I might become the biggest darkness in his life.Could it be that if I can't find it, I just make it? I told him my boyfriend was coming to New York for work.He laughed, "You haven't thrown your little brother away yet?" I didn't know how to answer. The moment I saw him at the airport, my heart was so strangely soft that it didn't feel like my heart.We ate together, chatted together, and watched DVDs together. In the evening, he kissed my forehead and went back to his residence.He treats me like the purest princess, but he doesn't know that I'm a dancer of the night.

I called and told him I would not see him again and that was the end of my relationship with him.He laughed and said, "When you get tired of playing prince and princess with your little brother, you know where to find me." I laughed too, and told her, "I'll know how our wedding invitations go to you." Two of my stupid colleagues were transferred, and they didn't know who made them stumble until they left.I helped them pack their things and sent them downstairs. They were grateful to me, and I sneered under a smile.He came to pick me up for dinner, but I was suddenly irritable.Had a big fight with him.I'm not an angel, but they like that I'm an angel, and I feel lonely.

After all, the island of Manhattan is very small, and we haven’t seen each other for half a year. On Christmas Eve, we finally met in Times Square. Across the crowds, I still feel my soul longing to run to him. I have already left my soul, and my boyfriend is still holding My hand, happily with the crowd to pay off the new year.He took the hand of his girlfriend and walked towards us through the crowd. I wanted to escape, but I was eager, so I could only watch him approaching step by step.He greeted me, shook hands with my bf, and it was instant graciousness, this man has come to fool others again!I looked at the ignorant people beside me with sorrow and pity.I suddenly hated his kindness and ignorance, couldn't control myself, and quarreled with him on Christmas Eve.What I said hurt him seriously, but I actually wanted to protect him from my harm!

I used a little trick to show his well-born girlfriend something she shouldn't have seen, and she slapped him.He knew I did it, and he knew I was taking revenge on him for fooling my boyfriend on Christmas Eve.He didn't care, he just cornered me and kissed me hard.And after I struggled a few times, I hugged him and kissed him more intensely than him.It turns out that I am a flower that only blooms in the dark. I am becoming more and more lazy now. Many times, I am too lazy to pursue those who offend me.However, I can't tolerate others offending my boyfriend.I asked him if he mind?He said he would use his abilities to keep the rumors low.But I hated people associating him with dark and nasty things, so I kindled a big fire.The original rumourer said goodbye to Wall Street once and for all, and his wife swept all his fortune.But my boyfriend didn't know anything, and he still focused on doing his own thing in his own way, but he was the one watching clearly.He looked into my eyes, "You know what? You have an evil soul."

I found that Xu Qiu emphasized the words "my boyfriend" more and more, and the frequency of occurrences became higher and higher.When she wrote these words, she often used so much strength that she could cut through the paper. Was she using this method to warn herself to remember Song Xiang's existence? Our fights are getting more and more frequent, and I don't know what I want to do.When I was impulsive, I proposed to break up, but when he really turned around and left, I was afraid.I don't want to dance in the dark all my life, I like the way he makes my heart soft, I like the way he smiles at me.I hugged him and said "sorry" to him over and over again.His proud smile has been dimmed by me, and the things I like are being destroyed by me.Should I let go?Should I let go?

The little girl has kidney failure, the father is anxious, and the useless woman is crying.I don't feel sad, only absurd, the world is messed up, God says he rewards the good and punishes the evil, so why not me?But the little girl? I finally tried white powder and it was what it was like to try heaven at the cost of hell.Even he looked at me with worried eyes, warning me not to take the initiative to look for white powder.I put my arms around his neck and asked, "What are you afraid of?" He said, "I'm afraid you will really fall into hell." I asked, "Didn't you open the gate of hell for me and invite me in?" He touched my cheek without saying a word, and finally said: "You break up with that little brother!" I laughed at him: "The person who has cost you tens of millions cannot be called 'little brother'." He got angry and punished him. My way is to put me under my body.My body is sinking, but my soul is rising; my body is laughing, but my soul is weeping.

We fought again and I scolded him, hugged him again and begged him to forgive me.For the first time, my boyfriend didn't say anything, didn't hug me back, he just stared at me with dark and sad eyes, as if he wanted to see the depths of my soul.I was terrified, and held him tightly, as if I wanted to stuff myself into his heart.If it is there, can I have no darkness, only light?Will I not feel lonely? The little girl was going blind, and my father asked me if I wanted to go back to see her, but I found an excuse and refused.I don't have the energy to act as a sister. If she wants to blame, she blames God for being blind.

It's been a week since my last fight and my boyfriend hasn't contacted me or answered my calls.I was dancing when he called me.He asked if I could take a week off, he wanted to go out alone with me.My dance steps slowed down, but my dark dance partner was not happy, and wanted to throw my phone, I could only hug her and use my body to calm his anger.My boyfriend on the phone asked "is that ok?" I said "yes" and hung up.While dancing and flying, my tears flowed down my cheeks, and I knew that I was about to lose him—my light.From now on, I will dance with the darkness forever. This is the last paragraph of the diary. It seems that Xu Qiu did not take the diary to Huangshi. I drank the rest of the wine in one gulp, still feeling oppressed, so I poured another glass, walked to the window, and opened the curtains. It was dawn outside, and the whole city was bathed in fresh morning light. In the small garden downstairs, people who were doing morning exercises gradually gathered, some were punching, some were dancing swords.I put down my wine glass, ran downstairs, and followed a group of old men and women doing Tai Chi.After finishing a set of punches, they smiled at me, and I smiled at them too. Looking up, the sun is shining all over the trees, and the breeze blows, the leaves tremble, and a little bit of golden light, like crumbled gold, shines beautifully. I squinted my eyes and made a hug gesture to the sun.In this world, darkness always coexists with light. We cannot escape the darkness, but we can always choose to embrace the light.