Chapter 79 One: Dreaming in the Garden (1)

Thank you for not abandoning me who was half dead.Chen Xiaosen often thinks that judging whether many things are right or wrong and whether they are worthwhile often depends on what kind of person he will become in the future.The past of human beings is the same as history, which is determined by those who come later. If one day she, like her own sister, changes from a good girl to an older leftover girl, a 32-year-old city museum guide with a narrow social circle, rushes around in one blind date after another every day to find a well-matched match... The man she loves serves as a destination—maybe she will have deep resentment and regret for the May Day holiday of her sophomore year.

During that flustered long vacation, she let go of a man with a straight face. After many years, what she remembered was not that boy. What I can't forget in my mind is just a scene, slowly endowing myself with some inexplicable meanings, or it has been sublimated into a certain feeling, stored in the corner of memory, and it pervades in my heart with a slight touch . What is pervasive—this is something that can never be adequately described. Therefore, whenever someone asked her why she broke up with Xu Zhian, what she thought of was not the young man with his hands in his pockets squinting his eyes in the sun.

The foggy image in my mind is actually the train, the dark blue night sky, the flashing orange street lights, the rattling sound of the railway tracks, and even the terribly sleeping lady next to me. In fact, at a certain moment during Yeben, everything was finished. On the night of September 30th, Chen Xiaosen sat on the night train bound for Beijing. Even though it was a soft-seat car, his butt hurt after sitting for too long.The strange woman next to her was already in a deep sleep, her face was slightly tilted to her side, her mouth was opened naturally, her face was extremely long, her cheekbones protruded and her cheeks were sunken, it was terrifyingly ugly.The breathing was accompanied by the sound of snoring that was sometimes strong and sometimes weak, and the breath was lightly sprayed on Chen Xiaosen's neck.Although the woman had her eyes closed, she still gave Chen Xiaosen a sense of insecurity surrounded by sight.

She looked away helplessly. In the quiet carriage, apart from the faint snoring, there was only the regular sound of the train passing the joints of the rails.Chen Xiaosen was always in a chaotic and sober state.Hypnotized by the sound of the railroad tracks and the ill-lit carriages, but reluctant to sleep. Yes, I just can't bear it. There were people everywhere, but there was no one there.They are all strange, they are all silent, only her eyes are wide open, only she exists.In normal time, even if I have spare time, I tend to find something to do—the time is in the reciprocating room of the cafeteria, dormitory, and teaching building, in front of the computer and after the Internet, refreshing F5 over and over again, and the time passes slowly without realizing it.

She looked back and couldn't see her own trajectory. What did you do last Sunday?Why is it that homework is crammed to copy roommates?Since I didn't study, why haven't I watched the full set of "Gintama" DVD that I finally borrowed? did i really live Chen Xiaosen wasn't sure. Only now.She could clearly hear her heartbeat and touch her soul. It turns out that the soul is still in the body. It turns out she still exists. At that moment, she suddenly wanted to cry. She wanted to pray to God, Jesus, Buddha, Tathagata, Allah, and ask them to let this train never stop. distance.

No dawn, no end. As if her soul were dew, dying by the light. Chen Xiaosen is an ordinary girl. Ordinary facial features, flat body, calm expression, mediocre intelligence, and a smooth life trajectory.Back then, classmates mentioned that Zhou Xun had a new movie coming out called "Ming Ming". Chen Xiaosen, who was sitting outside reading a magazine, overheard it, raised his head and asked, what's it called? "mediocre"? mediocre.Could it be that the movie was about her and her sister? Chen Xiaosen's mother is a middle school teacher, and his father is a university teacher, neither a key middle school nor a key university.The house in the family is neither big nor small, and the savings are not too much, and basically there are not too many expectations and requirements for the two daughters, as long as they live a healthy, healthy and peaceful life.

They didn't know that Chen Xiaosen hated redundancies. So during the New Year, she held Xu Zhian's greeting card, looked at the title page for a long time, happily and joyfully, and then returned it to him, saying, do you stutter when you write? The train finally arrived.The morning air in Beijing is still a bit cold, she didn't wear too thick clothes, because Xu Zhian said it would be very hot at noon.Many passengers prepared their luggage early, and the aisles were full. As soon as the car stopped, many people rushed to get off and pushed forward.Chen Xiaosen didn't understand what these people were anxious about. It seemed that it would be a disadvantage to be preempted by others.

She sat where she was, waiting quietly for everyone to leave. Through the window, I saw Xu Zhian, wearing a yellow long-sleeved T-shirt and dark blue jeans, running from a distance, his thighs are round, he seems to have gained weight, and his sneakers are still dirty. It was only after seeing him that Chen Xiaosen remembered exactly what he looked like.However, as soon as we turned around after parting, it seemed that we would forget. After graduating from high school, someone knew that Xu Zhian and Chen Xiaosen were together, and they joked in good faith that the two of you really look like a couple——Chen Xiaosen laughed, thinking, if someone like me has a couple look, you can find them all over China About 100 million or so.

Xu Zhian stared at the carriage number all the way, stopped at the exit of her train, and looked inside the door through the people getting off.And Chen Xiaosen was looking at him through the window not far away. Morning still came.Her sense of existence weakened little by little, so weak that she forgot to find the sense of existence. He took her by the hand, turning his face to the side and smiling silly from time to time.It's not that Chen Xiaosen is unhappy, it's just that the corners of her mouth always droop when she frequently responds to the joy of the long-lost reunion with a smile.So every smile is extra hard.

They all said that it was Chen Xiaosen's blessing to be with Xu Zhian. Not many people used to pay attention to them.Chen Xiaosen is a drop of water that can no longer be distinguished after falling into the sea. He is neither lively nor dull. nerd. They are at the same table. Only Xu Zhi'an knew Chen Xiaosen's sharp-tongued and lazy side.Chen Xiaosen didn't purposely pretend to be other people or only be sincere to Xu Zhian.As ordinary as she is, there are actually several sides, which side to show basically depends on mood and habits.In front of everyone, she never strives to be strong, it's not that she hides her strengths or is indifferent to fame and fortune, it's just because she really doesn't have that ability, and she doesn't have any desire to shine; as for being tricky, irritable and ruthless in front of her deskmate Xu Zhi'an, maybe it's just because of her occasional desire to vent , and the human nature of bullying and fearing hard.

However, just such a sense of contrast made Xu Zhi'an die hard. Xu Zhian started chasing her since the second year of high school, but she didn't realize it at all.The other party is recognized as a good person by the whole class, and whoever asks for advice, he will seriously explain to the other party step by step.So even though he took the initiative to tutor her for two years, and gave her a review of vertical knowledge points at the end of each term, she didn't feel anything special except to say thank you like everyone else. He is a good man.she thinks. When he asked her before the college entrance examination, what do you think of me-she still replied, you are a good person. The face of the other party changed.He lowered his head and said nothing. The start of the university was about to start, and he was going to Beijing. Before leaving, he called her out again. "I'm going to Beijing, the heart of the motherland!" The last four words sound very loud and have no clear meaning.It seemed that he was about to go to Tiananmen to see Chairman Mao's little red soldier—although she knew that he was not showing off, maybe he was just a little too excited, or nervous? But she still replied lazily. "It's still a blood clot if it goes away, it can only add blockage to the heart." He scratched the back of his head honestly and smiled. It will always be like this. Xu Zhian is a very boring good boy, smart, hardworking, simple and honest.But it was still boring, and he would never be able to reply and choke her, even if it was only once. Maybe all good students are like this, Chen Xiaosen thought. Or maybe in the eyes of others, I am no more interesting than Xu Zhian. Go, go, let the heart of the motherland shine.She sincerely wished him well. Then he said, that...Actually, I have always...like you. Chen Xiaosen's heartbeat was steady. Can... be my girlfriend? Calm face.Now she can't recall how she felt at that time, maybe this forgetfulness itself has explained everything. She said, yes. He was stunned and said incoherently, I, I thought... I was... I was going to Beijing anyway, so I mustered up my courage... I didn't expect... Great, great... It turned out to be the last fight before leaving. This confession was immediately suspected of being drunk and cowardly. However, it is a confession after all. He sent her home, and she held him like she was her brother. Komori's sister was the first to know about her sister's long-distance relationship.Knowing that the other party is a high school classmate of a prestigious university, I am very happy for her.Her sister is very different from her. Her sister's ordinaryness reveals innocence and kindness, while Chen Xiaosen's ordinaryness hides lazy indifference and undercurrents that she doesn't understand very well. Anyway, she has no one she likes, no one likes her, anyway, the other party is a potential stock, anyway, the other party is a good person, anyway, she is not a bad person, anyway, no one can say for sure in the future, anyway... Anyway, she didn't realize that she who has been sighing at her sister who is forced by reality to go on blind dates is actually the coldest and realistic one. There are always some people who are not qualified to enjoy the vigor and vigor of the wind, flowers, snow and moon, so they will be philistines to the end. I took the subway from the train station and went to P University, which happened to be nine o'clock.The rooms in the guest house were tight, and the last guest who Xu Zhian had reserved for her in the standard room hadn't checked out yet, so he led her to his dormitory first to put down the heavy backpack. There was a bit of a musty smell from poor ventilation in the corridors, but it was cleaned reasonably well.Xu Zhian took out the key to open the door, looked inside, and then said to her softly, they are all sleeping, let's be quiet. If you don't sleep late in the morning of the holiday, heaven and earth will die. The room is a bit hot, but there is no smell of smelly socks as imagined. There are six combined desks on the left, three bunk beds on the right, and a wardrobe and shoe cabinet at the door. Although the desk is a bit messy, the data cables and network cables of the laptop are tangled up. But generally it is a clean dormitory.Xu Zhian walked lightly to the desk at the end, put her schoolbag on the ground, and began to search for her student card in front of her messy desk.Chen Xiaosen stood bored near the door, the faint morning light shone in through the cracks in the curtains, and he could see the dust flying. This is her first time entering the boys dormitory.Chen Xiaosen patrolled around curiously, peeping at the sleeping faces of the two boys on the lower bunk cautiously and with a slight sense of guilt.A boy covered his head completely under the quilt, and there was only a big bulging bag on the bed.Another boy's snow-white quilt was in stark contrast to his dark face. He was lying on his back with one hand by his ear and the other on his belly.Xiaosen remembered that he used to do psychological tests on Sina. It is said that people with this sleeping posture are bright and sincere. Coughing accidentally, she heard the sound of the bed next to her, turned her head to the right, and saw a boy on the upper bunk at about the same height as her eyesight just turned around, she was standing too close to the bed, the boy Xiaosen's breath just hit her ear, and Xiaosen suddenly trembled. The breath brought by the boy turning over has a fragrance of washing powder. Chen Xiaosen focused. What an excellent brow and eye contour that is.Clean and handsome, like an excellent black and white charcoal sketch, but indescribably vivid. The owner of that face frowned slightly and rubbed against the pillow, sank into the soft light blue duvet, then suddenly coughed lightly, and opened his eyes in a daze. The moment he saw Chen Xiaosen, he was dumbfounded for a moment, then sat up suddenly, and the bed creaked.One collar of his plaid pajamas was still standing up, his eyes were half-closed, and he looked confused. It makes people want to pinch his face. The thought stunned her for a few seconds.Can't help but burst out laughing. This time, the corners of the mouth no longer felt drooping.