Chapter 50 Chapter 49: To Our Decaying Youth

Luo Zhi once watched Shunji Iwai's "April Story". The girl who studied hard because of her secret love and finally miraculously got into Musashino University was much happier than her.If she is ignorant and ordinary, and only regards him as the goal and motivation to persist, then this forbearing secret love may be even more embarrassing.But she is not.She has her own pride and responsibility, and that "catch him up and become as strong as he is" belief just helps her go with more fun and motivation.After all, it was easier to think about him than to think day after day of her mother shrugging her shoulders as she cried behind her back.

He just confidently took the lead like this, but she liked and chased after him, without delaying both studies and love. However, even though she didn't dare to say anything, she was still looking for some kind of opportunity to attract his attention.Her Chinese teacher in the liberal arts class also teaches Class 3, which makes her excited and uneasy.Luo Zhi knew that the only thing she was better than him was composition, but those old-fashioned topics, use of rotten arguments and evidence, pros and cons, parallels and metaphors... She subconsciously knew that he was disdainful.She also knew that he didn't like Chinese classes, otherwise the phrase "Who is Sheng Huainan, do you want to go to university?" would not have appeared.

Therefore, every time during the school year, she writes essays, Chinese monthly exams, mid-term exams, and final exams. It can get a high score in a regular manner, and it is not boring to read-in this way, when the Chinese teacher takes the model essay to class 3 to study, or when he prints the excellent composition on cardboard and distributes it during the school year, when he sees her essay, It must not be a stereotyped essay that makes him laugh and hate. However, she wrote it so carefully that he didn't read any of it.Even though they had never met each other, the one thing Luo Zhi wanted to know the most when he was in high school was, did he really know himself?At least heard of it?What was that impression?Talented?diligent?Or a lifeless nerd?He has heard of who is the number one student in the liberal arts class, has he read her composition, does he like it?

Then she finally got the answer. He had never read those compositions, they were just used for calculation paper.And in the Chinese class where he might be reading her composition aloud, he spent most of the time sleeping peacefully. And Zhang Mingrui said that Sheng Huainan "never paid attention to you". Luo Zhi suddenly remembered that it seemed that she was not just making insinuations like this, but she actually took direct actions, even though they all turned out to be detours in the end.When the summer of the first year of high school was approaching, she would go to the playground every afternoon after class.It is often encountered that their class is playing under a certain basketball hoop.The funny thing is, she never dared to blatantly move near the basketball hoop where her class played.So it can also be said that she has never seen him play, she simply ran to the playground to avoid the basketball hoop of their class for a walk, blushing and heartbeating, which is another kind of physical exercise.

Interesting to say, she seemed to have only looked at him seriously when she saw him for the first time, and then she didn't dare to look at him at all, as if the whole world would know what she was thinking just by looking at him. Every time Luo Zhi thinks about it, she will be very surprised, she is really innocent enough. When the second semester of high school started, he met Ye Zhanyan. Luo Zhi's uninterrupted diary was blank for ten days. Her sadness is not because he has a girlfriend, but because his girlfriend's personality is very different from hers.Only then did Luo Zhi suddenly understand that no matter how positively she behaved, she was not his cup of tea.

Before that, she originally thought that youth could stay there, he moved forward safely, she chased after happily, carefully collected everything about him, even in understanding some small details of him, she was more confident than him himself .What's more, the bond between them has lasted for so long, this so-called fate may mean something, isn't it all written in the novel?Her fantasies were not without foundation. She wrote in her diary, "I have never been confident. However, for some reason, I always feel that he and I will be together one day, or that we have always been together before."

Facts have proved that it is better for her not to be too confident. Several times, before falling into a dream, she told herself that one day she would open the diary openly for him to read, and she would tell him, I can see when you are really happy, when you are polite, and when you are impatient , I think you are lonely, I hope you can believe me, because I... Luo Zhi seldom has the little pink dreams of girls of that age, if the "showdown" just now is really one of them. But it's not needed now, Ye Zhanyan will understand his secret emotions, even if Ye Zhanyan doesn't understand it very well, he will take the initiative to tell her that Ye Zhanyan doesn't need to secretly observe and accumulate materials to sum up experience like Luo Zhi.

Forget it, Luo Zhi. She spread the diary on the table, blank, but did not cry. People's obsessions can't be cut off if you want to. You can swear to forget it as much as you want, but afterwards you can only condemn yourself for incompetence and backtracking in vain. When Luo Zhi spread out the diary again and carefully wrote down, she found that it was too tiring to pretend to be free and easy.It is very important to be honest with herself, otherwise, she will only be more alone. However, just like she once stubbornly told Jiang Baili "don't be a passerby in other people's stories", she implemented this point in her diary - although she is not the protagonist, she has not been cannon fodder.Like an observer, she eats with three chopsticks, the shredded Mekong River that he didn't receive, several fixed collocations of his clothes, and he squeezed past her at the introduction meeting for recommended students and independent admissions of P and T majors in the third year of high school The smell of washing powder and fabric softener she smelled at that time, and what time did he wear every morning when he appeared at the corner near the school, he was always carrying a schoolbag in his left hand and hanging a white earphone... Even if she repeated it, she You can also write differently.

One content, one name, one perspective. That's how she spent her three years. No, she suddenly remembered that she seemed to have mentioned Ye Zhanyan.She was so excited that day. She saw their pink and green raincoats, saw the little frog, and caught up with her mother's illness. She thought of her father and the little frog's raincoat that failed to fulfill her promise. The diary expresses deep envy for their happiness and infinite exhaustion for their own lives. It seems that there is only one time. Sometimes the pure description becomes boring, at this time, she will also pray and make wishes in the diary, for her own achievements, her own future, and his.

For example, when he went to take the recommended admission test, she wrote in her diary, "As long as you perform as before, you will be fine, right, and you will never be nervous, I know." Another example is that he somehow fell out of the top three in the first monthly exam of the third year of high school. She laughed at him for a long time in the diary, and finally said lightly, "It is really because of your strength that you are so kind and gloating. We are convinced." She took a lot of color from him, but he never lost anything because of her asking, but got a lot of understanding and blessings.

It's just a pity for that diary.Five days before the college entrance examination, the school is completely closed for everyone to go home and prepare for the exam.They stayed at school from 7:00 am to 9:00 pm every day from the third year of high school, and basically all the books and papers were piled up in the classroom.On the last day of war and chaos, everyone needed to take a lot of things home together. At that time, when Luo Zhi was squeezing the bus with big and small bags, she suddenly wanted to ask Sheng Huainan if he had tried this feeling. When she got home and checked her things, she found that her diary was missing along with a large stack of papers and a Huanggang test bank. She panicked, remembering that she threw a large plastic bag of waste papers and homework exercise books into the trash bin at the back door of the class. She packed it up too hastily at that time, did she bring the diary with her?At that time, the huge garbage cans were already overwhelmed, and many people piled up books and sundries including snacks and fruit peels at the back door. As a result, it became a huge open-air garbage dump, and the last batch of students who cleaned up were complaining. Luo Zhi thumped mentally. She stepped on several bags of review materials on the ground, rushed out of the house, raised her hand to hail a taxi on the main road, and said in her most imposing voice, "Zhenhua Middle School, please hurry up!" However, when she rushed to the door of the class, she only saw Zhang Min locking the door. "Zhang Min, that, that garbage dump...has it all been thrown away?" Zhang Min was stunned for a moment, "That's right." Luo Zhi was out of breath, and several times she opened her mouth but ended up coughing, "Well, cough cough..." "Don't worry," Zhang Min thought for a while with his mouth open. The director said that there was a lot of rubbish today, and told us not to pile it in the big trash can in the toilet. The classmates who cleaned up just now carried all the rubbish to the trash station in the back playground. Yes, all the garbage in the class seems to be there, all papers and calculus papers, it's spectacular! " After hearing this, Luo Zhi didn't catch her breath, and ran towards the back playground without saying a word. The sky has turned dark blue, and the light is getting dimmer.She had to hold the paper close to herself to appreciate what was written on it.Luo Zhi stood in front of the mountain of garbage, rummaging through it desperately. Although most of them were paper materials, she accidentally caught dirty things a few times, leaving half a bottle of Nutrition Express without the lid on, sticky. Mushy banana peel... She held back her nausea, opened all the pockets, and judged from the information inside whether it was the garbage of her class. "Hey, Luo Zhi, it's here!" Zhang Min didn't know when she followed, pointing to a big black plastic bag and waving at her. Luo Zhi ran over, and the two of them pushed the garbage bag away completely. The garbage was scattered all over the ground, and it didn't matter if it would cause trouble to the cleaners.Zhang Min accompanied her to turn the pages without any distaste, and suddenly smiled embarrassingly halfway through, "By the way, Luo Zhi, what are you looking for?" Luo Zhi has searched through all three bags, but there is no trace of the diary.She raised her head and asked anxiously, "Is it just these three bags? Are there any more?" Zhang Min tried hard to think about it, "I didn't collect the garbage. It seems that there are more than three bags, but I only found these." Luo Zhi sat down gently, the nutrient express line on her hand had dried out, was sticky and sticky, and was stained with ink and turned black again.She spread her hands in front of her face, facing the huge garbage mountain, and smiled bitterly at Zhang Min. "Zhang Min, thank you. I won't look for it anymore." She told herself, forget it if you can't find it, and throw it away if it's a burden.The college entrance examination is about to come, and she still has to work hard to get into his university. It's just a diary, and it's not a real person, so why cry. Yes, why are you crying.She was sitting on the ground, her tears didn't seem to close the gate properly, and when her nose wasn't sore and her heart didn't hurt, there seemed to be cold sweat coming out of her eyes, without warning. She always felt that that diary was the key to go back.And now she can't go back. Papers and calculus papers flying all over the place, some signed, some not, all kinds of handwriting were abandoned here by the masters, buried her diary, and buried her three years of youth that followed each other, and they will be taken away tomorrow , rotted and fermented together with the Nutrition Express, banana peels, and a few bites of bread, turning into a puddle of stench. She lay in Zhang Min's arms and wept loudly, but Zhang Min didn't ask anything, opened her chest that smelled sour and sweaty, hugged Luo Zhi, and patted her on the back lightly. In this way, Luo Zhi abandoned her youth in the back playground, slowly decaying. In a trance along the way, she finally reached the end, the empty top floor. Back then she sat here and memorized New Concept 4. Luo Zhi found that the walls were all freshly painted.The corners and corners were all cleaned up, so naturally I couldn't find that sentence. After the graduation ceremony, she came here alone, and wrote seriously in the corner with a ballpoint pen—— "Luo Zhi loves Sheng Huainan, no one knows."