Chapter 11 Chapter Eleven Evidence of Our Existence

In the next few days, everything was as usual, except that Luo Qi walked out of the ward to look at me on the day when Luo Qi made trouble, and he didn't pay attention to me these days.When I saw her eyes that day, they were very concerned and worried.But then she went back to her previous attitude and I visited her a few times in her ward. She no longer needs to block the curtains, she can safely place herself in the sun.But every time she saw me coming, she turned around and faced the wall.I stood quietly behind her for a while, then left. She's still mad at me, for a story, as for?

What is worth mentioning today is that Ma Qianli finally delivered the bonus for Xiao Bai's assistance in solving the case. The bonus was packed in a gift box, and there was also a bronzing red book.This case not only caught Luo Qi, but also uncovered a large-scale international organ smuggling gang.Ma Qianli has been appearing frequently in the media recently and has become a star police officer. After Ma Qianli left, I saw Xiao Bai happily counting the 50,000 yuan in the office like a farmer.The bronzing little red book was thrown aside, I guess he didn't even have the interest to open it to take a look.

"... Virtue!" I sneered. "Tang Ping, let me tell you, you can pretend to be aggressive with anyone, but don't pretend to be aggressive with Qian." He didn't turn his head back to me. I smiled, this guy is very realistic. But think about it, his "illegal hospital" needs too much money.Although the 50,000 yuan is a drop in the bucket, it is better than nothing.When I looked at Xiao Bai, a philistine, I felt a little respect in my heart. After confirming that the 50,000 yuan was not bad, he locked the money in the cabinet on the desk.He stood up and stretched comfortably, then glanced at the gold-plated little red book, and said, "This book is not bad, the thickness is just right. It can be used as a partition and a coaster when making noodles in the future." Everything works fine."

That's what he said, and that's what he did.The gold-plated little red book became stained with oil within a few days, and then he threw it into the trash can.I guess he never opened the little red book to take a look at the awards and honors in it from the beginning to the end. I don't know how Ma Qianli would feel if he knew about it. At first, I thought this lunatic had really reached a certain level.After thinking about it, it is indeed the case, and there are only so many practical uses of the little red book. Xiao Bai walked out of the office to light a cigarette, glanced at me, and handed me one too.I took it with a curl of my lips, the miser can be generous - after counting the money.

"How long will 50,000 yuan be enough for your illegal hospital?" I asked. He smiled, "I don't know, how long it will last." "If... one day, patients who smashed glass are no longer sent to the hospital, what will you do?" I asked again. He sighed, and replied with the same answer: "I don't know." Then we were all silent, and this silence was a bit dazed. Just as the head nurse passed by downstairs, I said, "The head nurse is really calm. When Luo Qi made trouble that day, she didn't have a trace of panic on her face." "She is a very remarkable nurse. The first child she conceived was accidentally aborted in this hospital." Xiao Bai looked at the back of the head nurse and said sadly.

I was stunned, and he continued: "At that time, she was just four months pregnant with a child, and she insisted on going to work. Two patients were fighting, and she went up to stop her, and was kicked in the stomach by the patient... She was only 26 that year. age." I was silent again. Xiao Bai looked at the back of the head nurse, with respect in his eyes and a trace of sadness, "In fact, the nurses in the mental hospital work much harder than the doctors, and there is a shortage of male nurses, so the female nurses can only bite the bullet and do it." Those risky jobs. Most of them are the same age, but they imprisoned their future here."

I looked at the back of the head nurse and recalled what Xiao Bai said: They are all angels who imprisoned themselves in the mental hospital, and they have the most sacred mission and the most holy soul. So please remember, no matter what situation you meet a psychiatric nurse in the future, never laugh at her job, because you don't deserve it! "How do you persist in such hard work?" I asked. He shook his head, "There are some things that no one wants to do, but someone has to do them." "Would it be rewarding to be a psychiatrist?" I asked, looking at him.

He smiled wryly, "Sense of accomplishment? I am afraid that our psychiatry department is the most afraid to mention the sense of accomplishment among doctors. A patient will gradually recover after several months or even years of treatment. Note, I did not Speaking of recovery, recovery is a luxury word in our psychiatry department, because the prognosis is difficult to guarantee." "The incomprehension of the society and the strange eyes of others are more terrible than the virus." I nodded. "In fact, mentally ill patients are very sensitive, and their living environment can directly affect their mood and condition. This is the fundamental reason why the prognosis is difficult to guarantee. Another key point is that patients refuse to continue taking medicine after they are discharged from the hospital. It is difficult for family members to obtain supervision in the hospital. Every time they relapse and are sent back, we feel a sense of frustration." Xiao Bai sighed, his expression full of helplessness.

I smiled wryly, "Like Hao Dawei, who is paranoid and schizophrenic, I guess he will not take medicine after he is discharged from the hospital." "Their best doctor is themselves, and their worst enemy is also themselves. In fact, if every mentally ill patient can cooperate with the treatment and consciously take medicine, most of the post-treatment of mental illness can be done at home, saving a lot of hospital care costs. He took a deep breath and sighed with smoke through his nostrils. I glanced at the back of his head, the "big mask" had been taken off, and replaced with a small piece of anti-infection tulle, "If Hao Dawei had been more focused in his attack, you would have died. After experiencing so many innocent disasters, you really Are you not angry with the patient at all?"

He shook his head, "Actually, in our eyes, they are all ignorant children. When their family members send them to the hospital, we become their guardians. There is a saying that doctors are parents, and parents have never really blamed themselves. Where is the child?" "No honor, no sense of accomplishment, and a lot of misunderstandings from others, doing such a hard and dangerous job..." I sighed. He smiled, "Actually, what I envy most are surgeons. They are soldiers who charge forward on the lifeline. The sense of accomplishment of saving lives is what every doctor dreams of. And our psychiatric department is like a chef in a cooking class. Although we are both fighters, we can’t find that sense of glory and accomplishment. Sometimes I ask myself, am I really a doctor? Am I really saving lives? Why is the relapse rate of mental illness so high? Why do I Is there no cure for mental illness?"

"You've cured me, haven't you?" I comforted. He looked at me, with a slight smile on his lips, "Actually, I didn't cure your depression, but Yumo cured you. You belong to reactive depression, and finding the real cause of your psychological conflict is the key to treatment." .But you repeatedly evaded and refused to answer my questions, so I don't know where to start. I can only find a little clue from your parents' dictation." "Actually, I mainly treat you with drugs and physical therapy. From the very beginning, your psychological treatment can only be on the sidelines, because I don't know where your real illness is. But since Yu Mo was admitted to the hospital, your illness has undergone a fundamental change. From the indifference of the 'three lows' to extreme concern, he even eavesdropped on my conversation with Ma Qianli." The light smile on his mouth gradually turned into a cheap smile. I gave him a disgusted look, "Don't use your self-righteousness to speculate on me." He shrugged generously, "Of course I don't know the story behind this. But there is a good saying - to untie the bell, you need the person who tied the bell. I can guess that Yu Mo is the person who tied the bell of your heart, Yu Mo It has at least half to do with your depression." "Just keep guessing!" I mocked with a forced smile. "You see, you have been avoiding this question." He shook his head and continued to say seriously: "As I said, I am a doctor, and I am only responsible for treating diseases. You don't have to warn me like this, I am obliged to do everything for you Personal privacy is kept confidential. You hide the story behind this so deeply, so there are naturally reasons for you. It doesn’t matter to me whether you tell me or not, but for you and Yumo, it may affect the fate of your life. " "I..." I hesitated for a moment, then continued to reply, "I have nothing to say." I was almost fooled, this cunning Xiao Bai almost let me tell the whole story.Fortunately, I finally came to my senses and put this secret firmly back in my heart. "You should worry about your psychiatric future and see how far you can go." I changed the subject. He looked at me for a while, and smiled generously, and it was obvious that he didn't intend to ask any more questions.He nodded, "Well, in fact, the country is currently carrying out preliminary reform and improvement of the mental health industry, including the adjustment of subsidies and support for mental hospitals. Although this industry is still as difficult as ever, we have finally seen a glimmer of mental health. hope." He raised his head and gave Lan Tian a smile, "Maybe in the near future, my illegal hospital will be completely closed." "If I were half as optimistic as you, I wouldn't have this depression." I smiled wryly. I really envy his optimism, Xiao Bai is such a person who smiles at life every day.This lunatic can never be beaten, because his smile is unstoppable. "Remember, I don't have much sense of accomplishment as a psychiatrist. Don't relapse after you leave the hospital. Take it as me begging you." He pleaded half-jokingly. I curled my lips and nodded, "I'll try my best." He then looked at the female patient building opposite, "You seem to be having a quarrel with Yu Mo recently, and I rarely see you together these days." I gave him a blank look, "Don't be such a aunt and six wives, why are you always meddling in other people's private affairs!" "It doesn't matter, you help each other to heal, and I will take care of your illness!" He replied with a cheap smile. Then he pondered for a while and said: "Tomorrow you and I will accompany Yu Mo to leave the hospital. I will help her complete the final consolidation treatment, and I must completely cut off the root cause of her disease." "Oh." I nodded. The next day we accompanied Yu Mo out of the hospital, and went back to the villa for hypnotic comfort therapy. This time Xiao Bai only used one coin to hypnotize Yu Mo.It was getting late after the treatment, Xiao Bai asked us to go to his house for dinner. Xiao Bai said that the previously recovered patients would now come to the house to help every day, and we can just buy some cooked food and go home.After walking around the market, we bought a roast chicken, a box of assorted vegetables, and three catties of braised pork.Just such a small item cost more than 100 yuan. It’s really a bad family who doesn’t know how expensive firewood, rice, oil and salt are. No wonder Xiao Bai said that the biggest expenses of the patients he admitted were on food. When they arrived at Xiao Bai's house, it was getting late.Within a few days, another batch of patients in Xiao Bai's family changed. They were all unfamiliar faces, but when they saw Xiao Bai, they all shouted happily: "Doctor Xiao is back!" Xiao Bai smiled and nodded, introduced us again, then picked up the cooked dishes and walked to the kitchen.In the kitchen, a man in his thirties was busy making dinner, chatted with Xiao Bai for a few words, and then quickly took the roast chicken and cut it into pieces. Yu Mo and I also went to help wash the dishes, and the man smiled at me, "My name is Wang Decai, just call me Lao Wang. You can just rest, and dinner can be served right away." I also nodded politely, then washed the dishes, and went to the dining table with Yumo to set the dishes.After changing his clothes in his room, Xiao Bai also walked to the dining table and introduced: "Old Wang is the first patient I admitted. He is now working as a chef in a restaurant, and his salary is higher than mine!" An uncontrollable sense of elation and satisfaction, like a child showing off his accomplishments. I took another look at Pharaoh who was busy. It was really hard for me to imagine what he was like when he got sick two years ago.Then I glanced back at the gate of Xiao Bai's house. The old Wang two years ago was lying outside this gate trembling, and I couldn't help but let out a sigh of emotion. Old Wang also just came out with the dishes at this time, and said with a smile: "If I hadn't met Dr. Xiao back then, I wouldn't be where I am today. Maybe I would still be rummaging through some garbage dump. Although Dr. Xiao is younger than me, But it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say he was my second parent.” Xiao Bai became embarrassed, "Okay, don't talk about these unhappy things, let's have dinner!" We just sat down to eat, but Xiao Bai made a bowl of food by himself, and walked into another room to feed another patient.That patient is now experiencing temporary extrapyramidal side effects because he is in a critical period of treatment. Old Wang walked over, "Doctor Xiao, you can eat first, I'll do it." Xiao Bai smiled, "You've been busy all day, eat first, I'm not hungry." Old Wang chuckled, but tears came down, "That's how you brought me back to the track of life step by step. I will always remember that you fed me like this..." Then he wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes again, "I'm really useless, I'm pissing again while I'm talking." "It's okay, these are tears of joy, let's eat." Xiao Bai said softly. Lao Wang nodded, then turned to the other patients and said, "You must cooperate with the treatment, don't let Dr. Xiao's hard work go to waste, and remember the benefactor of this life well." The other patients also nodded solemnly, and it could be seen that they were sincere and did not have the willfulness of the patients in the hospital.Because they all knew very well that apart from this man named Xiao Bai, no one in the world was willing to take care of them, not even their family members wanted them. Xiao Bai was feeding the patient, we were eating like a family, and Lao Wang would bring food for everyone from time to time.The cabin is warm and feels like home.It turns out that one person's love can be so great, and one person's warmth can be shared with so many people.I took a look at Xiao Bai who had already taken off his white coat. I knew that he was still Dr. Xiao. Just when we were halfway through our meal, there was a knock on the door, and I was sitting by the door, so I got up to open the door.The door opened, and a man over forty years old stood outside, carrying a small travel bag.When he saw me, his eyes were a little flustered: "You... hello, are you Dr. Xiao? My name is Wang Daqing..." "Clang!" There was a sound of bowls and chopsticks falling to the ground.When I turned around, I saw Pharaoh froze there, and the bowls and chopsticks had been smashed to the ground.He stared at the door, slowly stood up, and the person outside the door also stared at him blankly.I seemed to realize something, consciously opened the door fully, and then flashed to the wall, I knew that these things could only be resolved by themselves. The two of them just stared at each other for several minutes. During those few minutes, no one said a word, the whole world was silent, only the beating of our hearts was beating our souls. Then the travel bag in Wang Daqing's hand fell to the ground, and then the middle-aged man slapped himself desperately, one after another, each time harder... "Brother..." Wang Decai finally yelled, but Wang Daqing's hands didn't stop, they just slapped his face even harder. Wang Decai ran over and grabbed his hand, "Brother, don't...don't hit me." "I'm sorry for you, I'm a beast..." Wang Daqing cursed himself with tears of annoyance in his eyes. "Stop it, stop it...brother, stop it..." Wang Decai shook his head, babbling to persuade him. The two old men just looked at each other, looked at each other, tears pouring down... I once thought, if one day, when the family members of these patients came back to look for them, what would it be like?The patient should be furious, or turn his back silently.I didn't expect it to be so simple, just one sentence: don't say it... "Don't say it..." What a simple three words, and how much bitterness and bitterness are contained in these three words.Don't say it, don't say it, there is no way to say it, there is no reason for this thing, and there is no way to explain it.Don't worry about it, that's the way life is. I took another look at the other patients. Their eyes were neither angry nor confused, but envious.Because they have long lost the right to be angry, what a helpless envy. Xiao Bai also walked over to smooth things over, comforted them, and then invited them to have dinner together. At the dinner table, Wang Daqing was still cursing himself from time to time. He said that he had endured the harshness of his conscience for the past two years and often woke up from nightmares.Every time I dream of my younger brother wandering the streets, rummaging for food in the trash, being chased away by others spitting... Indeed, if Wang Decai hadn't met Xiao Bai, these would all be inevitable realities. Finally, he couldn't bear such torture and embarked on a journey to find his brother.He rushed to the mental hospital as soon as he got off the train in the afternoon, but Xiao Bai was not there, so he asked Xiao Bai's home address and found it all the way.He came with a glimmer of hope, but he didn't expect that Xiao Bai would actually leave the patient Wang Decai behind. When he said this, Wang Daqing knelt down in front of Xiao Bai, "Doctor Xiao, I'm not human, I'm not as good as a beast! I still remember the phone call you made back then, I...I'm such a jerk! " Xiao Bai hurriedly helped him up, "It's all over, don't talk about it..." It's still these three words, don't say it... After dinner, the two brothers sat together to reminisce about the old days and asked each other about their life in the past two years.Wang Daqing asked guiltily: "Don't you know where we live, why don't you come back to find us?" "I... I'm afraid you still won't want me, so I dare not go back." Wang Decai replied in a low voice. Then Wang Daqing's tears of annoyance came down, and he reached out to slap himself on the face again, but was stopped by Wang Decai: "Brother, I don't blame you, I know how much trouble I was three years ago, causing trouble to everyone in the family." I'm going crazy. By the way, Dr. Xiao helped me find a job as a chef with a monthly salary of more than 2,000 yuan!" "Oh, it's really thanks to Dr. Xiao, you were a good cook before." They chattered like this, and other patients also listened and watched enviously.They look forward to the day when they can also get such an ending.For them, this is already an extremely satisfactory ending, as beautiful as a wild dream. Xiao Bai sent us out at around eight o'clock, it seems that he has a lot of things to do tonight, so let us go back to the hospital by ourselves. "Aren't you afraid that we will run away halfway?" I asked jokingly. "I wish I could!" he replied, laughing, and then looked up at the night sky again. "It's a good night, isn't it?" Both Yu Mo and I nodded seriously. Indeed, it was a good night. "By car or on foot?" I asked Yumo. "Let's walk, I want to walk." Yu Mo replied, the answer was exactly the same as I expected. "Look, you can see the stars. The colorful lights in the city always cover their light." Yumo said pointing at the night sky. I also looked up at the night sky and said, "Do you know, in fact, most of the starlight we see now was emitted by them a few years ago or even millions of years ago. How many light-years are they from the earth, we can see them The starlight from years ago. In other words, what we see now is actually their past." "Then if we want to see them now, wouldn't we have to wait a few years or even millions of years?" Yumo asked. I nodded, "Well, how many light years are they away from us, how many years will we have to wait to see their current starlight." "Millions of years, no one can live that long. Human beings are so small compared to all of this." Yumo sighed. I smiled, "Human beings always think arrogantly that they are the masters of everything, but they forget that they are just a group of small beings on an asteroid in the vast universe." Yumo sighed and said, "Compared to them, human life is so short, yet we still don't know how to cherish such a short life and squander time arbitrarily." "There is only one life, so we have to live it wonderfully." I was slightly taken aback after I finished speaking, I seemed to have discussed this topic with someone, and it was on the rooftop of the mental hospital.It's just that the role has changed this time, and I have become the one who guides the way. "What's the difference between living a wonderful life and not being wonderful? Life is just as short." Yu Mo suddenly looked at me and asked. I thought about it and shook my head, "No, life is short, but we will always live in the hearts and memories of those who love us. Our stories will be passed on to future generations, and our love will continue like this .Someone is willing to remember us, love us, and keep the memory of us, which is the proof of our existence." "Just like Tao Yao?" Yu Mo asked sadly. "No, it's like starlight." I pointed to the brightest star in the night sky, "Look, maybe this star has died long ago, but its light is still there. Its light travels through It traveled millions of light years to come to us and tell us the story of its past. Love is like this ray of light, which will still pass on after we die, and live in the hearts of those who love us." Yu Mo didn't speak any more, just looked up at the starry sky, with a faint smile on the corner of his mouth.