Chapter 10 Chapter 10 Undefinable

A writer came to the psychiatric hospital. I don’t know if he is a writer, but I used to read his writings a lot.He is actually a lunatic, and what he writes is very messy.Suspense, fantasy, social science, fairy tales... He can write whatever he wants, and he often stops writing halfway through. He is a very willful author.He has changed many pseudonyms, but no matter what he writes, I can recognize him by smelling a familiar smell in the text-the smell of life. It is said that he was very chic when he was admitted to the hospital, and he introduced himself to Xiao Bai with a smile: "Li Linqi suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, with relatively stable delusions, and no visual hallucinations, auditory hallucinations and other sensory disturbances. I am a patient who fully cooperates with the treatment. , I know that Dr. Xiao has worked very hard for you."

Xiao Bai was stunned, it was the first time he met such a patient, "Then can you tell me, what is the main content of your delusions?" He smiled, "I feel like I created this world, including you, and it's all a novel I wrote." Xiao Bai nodded, this is a "God" mental patient, he has taken such cases before. Heroin told me all this, and as soon as I heard about it, I decided to go and see him. I have never seen a living writer since I grew up. He was walking on the first floor when I saw him.When I read some of his writings before, I thought he was a middle-aged man, but I didn’t expect him to be so young, about the same age as me.His eyes were very sad, and he carefully looked at the patients in every ward and every nurse who passed by him.

Heroin walked over and asked, "Hey, buddy, I heard you're a writer?" "You're a writer, your whole fucking family are writers, fuck!" he yelled nervously at the heroin.Heroin was dumbfounded by the scolding, and didn't know what was wrong with the sentence he asked. "You're someone who uses words as games, aren't you?" I said.I read his blog, I know this madman doesn't like being called a writer, he claims to be a person who plays with words.The title that others would dream of wearing on their heads turned into an insult in his eyes.In fact, I have long suspected that this guy is mentally ill, and sure enough he also came in.

He kowtowed slightly and gave me a smile, "Hello, Tang Ping. Actually, I came to look for you." "You know me?" I was taken aback. "I know you better than yourself." He said seriously, then looked around, and pointed to the ventilation window at the end of the corridor, "Go there and talk for a while." Then he glanced at Heroin again, "You! Heroin, trouble someone else. Tang Ping and I have business to talk about!" Heroin froze for a moment, glanced at me, and I nodded.I know that a paranoid mental patient like Li Linqi cannot be provoked, otherwise he will do the same thing as Hao Dawei.

Heroin reluctantly walked away, and I walked with him to the vent at the end of the corridor. "Give me a cigarette, I know you are not willing to finish the cigarette Xiao Bai gave you." Li Linqi said. I've grown accustomed to this lunatic's predictive ability, and handed him one.He took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly, the smoke drifted under the sunlight and dissipated. "I've read some of your writing, and I've been guessing about your age. Sometimes you write like an innocent child, and sometimes you write like a dying old man," I said. Hearing that I had read his works, he suddenly had a look of pride on his face, "Don't speculate about the author through words, many suspense authors can't even see blood, and some romance authors' marriages are even more fragmented. You have to distinguish novels and life, unreal and real."

I nodded and asked again: "You...what can I do for you?" "Did you know that you are a character I created?" he asked with a smile. I smiled helplessly, "I only know that you have God paranoia, and you think that you created this world." "I don't expect you to believe me right away, but I did create everything here. I created you too, and I gave you your soul," he said. "Really? Then why are you in a mental hospital?" I asked back. "Because I want to come in and see you, the world I created." He said, with a hint of sadness on his face.

"That is to say, you know everything about me? Do you know what I did yesterday, what I ate, and even what dream I had last night?" I dug a trap and waited for him to jump. "No! You can't write so many novels. I can't write all your food, drink, and sleep. I don't have so much ink, and no one wants to read this kind of novel." He cleverly avoided this trap. "Then what is the ending of this novel?" I asked with great interest. He looked at me and said seriously: "That's why I came to you. This novel is coming to an end, but I still don't know what kind of ending I should give you."

I was amused, "If this is really your novel, then we are out of luck, I remember you never wrote a happy ending. Most of the characters you create die in the end, scattered, and one is more miserable than the other. I I wonder if you are a sadist, how can you treat your created characters like this and give readers such a tragic and dark ending?" He looked up at the blue sky outside the window, and said slowly: "I hope that through this method, all the people who read my novels will know how to cherish life, cherish life, and cherish love. But it seems that not many people can understand, even you I can't even read my ending."

I smiled indifferently, "It's up to you, your story is up to you. Tragedy is touching and impressive, isn't it?" "Isn't it okay even if you get torn apart like that little mouse at the end?" He looked at me with deep sadness in his eyes. I was stunned. Everything he said before can be guessed that he asked from someone else, but this is not the case.I made up this story yesterday, and I only told it to Yu Mo, and it is impossible for Yu Mo to tell this story to others. Li Linqi looked at me with sad and serious eyes.This look terrified me, I subconsciously took a few steps back and shook my head, "No! You madman, this is not your story...my life is not your damn novel!"

"It's all true, I didn't lie to you, I created all of this." He reiterated. "The ending...what's the ending? Tell me what's the ending!" I yelled at him. He shook his head in pain, "I don't know... I really don't know what ending I should give you. Do you know? My heart ached when I wrote this novel. Especially the part where Xiao Bai takes the patient home, I typed those cold words tremblingly, I felt my heart was bleeding..." I went forward and grabbed his collar, shook his body and shouted: "The ending, you must have an idea! Tell me what the ending is! You must have a prototype in your heart before you write this novel. Tell me what the end is! Tell me!"

"My setting is a tragic ending. Only in this way can those cold-blooded souls be awakened. I want to prick their hearts with words, I want to see their tears, and I hope someone can understand the confusion and helplessness of all of you. I don't want the world to be so numb..." He shook his head in despair. "I'm not your story, this is not the bullshit tragic ending I want!" I punched him to the ground, and he didn't fight back.He huddled in the corner, blood oozing from the corner of his mouth.He looked at me with empty eyes, like a shell whose soul had been drained. I frantically threw my fist towards my face, and salty blood oozed out of my mouth.I walked up to him and yelled at him: "Did you see? Did you see! I am a man of flesh and blood, and I have a soul. I am not your novel! My future life is mine, not the ending you wrote! No matter what Whoever you are, you have no right to dictate my fate!" Seeing this, a group of male guards ran towards me, held me up, and dragged me to the restraint room. With the last of my strength, I dragged my countless arms and approached Li Linqi, spitting blood from my mouth onto his face. "Look, I am a man of flesh and blood! I have a soul! I am not your fiction, all of us have flesh and blood, not your fiction, do not use your purpose to dictate our destiny! Our destiny is not your words game!" Then there was a stabbing pain in my right arm, which I knew was the sedative.The world in front of my eyes is gradually blurred, and Li Linqi in my eyes is getting farther and farther away from me.He shrank in the corner of the wall and wiped the blood I spat on his face with his hands, then he spread his palms in front of his face and looked at them carefully.Those eyes were empty, desperate, and confused... The last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was the ceiling of the restraint chamber. When I opened my eyes, I saw the ceiling too.Xiao Bai was leading the nurse into the ward round from the door, he glanced at me, "I still can't bear to get up, it's already nine o'clock in the morning!" "Where's Li Linqi!" I asked quickly. Xiao Bai was stunned, "Who is Li Linqi?" “That paranoid schizophrenic, paranoid God who says he created the world, where is he?” I asked. Xiao Bai frowned, walked in front of me, and pressed the back of his hand to my forehead, "I don't have a fever... Are you still awake? Don't tell me that you have delusions, or I will have to change it for you." Medicine." I came to my senses and touched the corner of my mouth, there was no injury... Could it be just a dream? "I had a very strange dream. It was so real that I didn't even know if it was a dream." I said. Xiao Bai looked at me solemnly for a while, "This is not a good phenomenon, it may be a side effect caused by the antidepressant drugs you take. Some antipsychotic drugs can cause side effects of delusions and hallucinations in conscious people. You Pay attention to exercise during this period to speed up drug metabolism." He tested my physical reaction, and then wrote the doctor's order and said to the nurse next to him: "Tang Ping's drug reduction plan remains the same, and he is prescribed 1mg trihexyphenidyl hydrochloride tablets today. You should pay close attention during this time." If he has a withdrawal reaction, report it to me immediately." The nurse listened carefully and nodded. Is it a dream? A thought flashed through me, and I took out the cigarette case and counted one by one, there were 7 cigarettes in total, and one was missing.He certainly didn't expect that I lit a cigarette before going to bed last night. By the way, he counted the cigarettes in the cigarette case boredly. It turned out that there were 8 cigarettes left.He can modify anything, but he can't do everything, he misses this. Seeing me counting cigarettes over and over again, Heroin leaned over, "Tang Ping, after you fell asleep last night, I took one of your cigarettes to smoke, you are not blaming me, are you?" I froze for a moment, then understood.I can't prove anything. If I find any loopholes, he can fix them immediately. This villain hiding in the dark can play with the people and things in his writing at will. I walked to the window and said to the sky outside the window: "I can pretend nothing happened, but remember the blood I spit on your face. I am a human being with flesh and blood, all of us! We Our future is up to us to decide, let your ending go to hell, we are not your word game!" I raised my right hand and extended my expensive middle finger towards the sky. Heroin stared at me blankly, "Who are you talking to, Tang Ping?" "A coward who only dares to hide in the dark. He thinks he is the God who created this world. In fact, he is a poor guy. He can't save anyone in this world!" I replied with a sneer. Because of that strange dream, I was in a bad mood early in the morning, leaning on the hospital bed, all I could think about was that strange dream.To be honest, I used to like reading novels with tragic endings. I always felt that tragedies are touching and worth aftertaste.We will be moved by other people's tragedies, because the people in the tragedies are not ourselves.We might also shed a few cheap tears because we thought it was beautiful.But believe me, the people in Tragedy don't think so at all. Watching others suffer makes us feel happy. We will be moved by other people's tragedies, because the people in the tragedies are not ourselves. I lay on the hospital bed for more than three hours. At around 11 o'clock, there was another noise.But this time it was not the patient making trouble, but the family members.This kind of situation is often seen in mental hospitals, because the side effects of antipsychotic drugs are very serious, and the family members do not understand, thinking that the condition is getting worse. This time it took another half an hour before Xiao Bai explained the reason clearly to the family members.After the family members left, he went to the iron window in the corridor to light a cigarette, and looked at the dilapidated mental hospital with blank eyes. "Is this the first time you have encountered family troubles?" I walked over and asked. He smiled indifferently, "Forgot." "Tired?" I asked. "Too busy, I don't care whether I'm tired or not." He said with a smile. "You are quite full, but this mental hospital will collapse one day, what will you do on that day?" I asked. "I'll talk about it when the day comes. I just care about it now." He replied indifferently. I frowned, "Just muddle through, is this your attitude towards life?" He smiled at me for a while, and I knew he was reading my mind again.After a while, he slowly replied: "This is not muddling along, this is down-to-earth. Do the things at hand well, and the future will be discussed in the future. Why do you always think so long-term? No matter how far you think, you have to start from the first step." Just take one step, right? Before the end of the world arrives, you scare yourself to death first, what kind of mind are you doing?" It seems that he has guessed my mind again. This lunatic will not let go of any opportunity to heal his illness, including when others want to comfort him. "What if a God came to you and told you with absolute certainty that tomorrow would be the end of the world?" I asked again. He smiled, and replied simply and neatly: "Then we'll talk about it tomorrow." "Sit and wait?" I asked. He raised his index finger with a cigarette in it, "No! Let nature take its course. Give up what you can't redeem, and cherish what you haven't lost, until the last moment of the end of the world." I pondered for a while, then nodded, "I understand." He glanced at me, "If you really understand, don't keep a sour face all the time, as if you've been soaked in formalin." I smiled, I really understand, this lunatic's philosophy of life is indeed very unique. At this moment, Xiao Bai's cell phone rang suddenly.As soon as he took out his mobile phone and answered it, Ma Qianli's loud voice came out of the mobile phone, and even I who stood beside me could hear it clearly: "Doctor Xiao, Luo Qi... Luo Qi has escaped!" "what!" "Luo Qi is going to trial today. In view of the fact that his case involves a lot, in order to protect the privacy of the victim, the court decided not to open the trial. It was originally scheduled to go to court today, and the verdict will be pronounced on another day. Who knows that during the adjournment, he used the excuse of going to the toilet and taking a nap. Dazed the accompanying bailiffs, and escaped through the toilet vent! We just discovered it too!" "What!" Ma Qianli's exclamation came from the other end of the phone. "What's wrong?" Xiao Bai asked hastily. "Luo Qi also snatched the policeman's gun! It's a police 9mm revolver with six bullets!" "You guys, come here right away... right away!" Xiao Bai's voice suddenly dropped, because through the iron window in the corridor, Luo Qi could be seen jumping off the big iron gate of the mental hospital. His hair was shaved short, like a monk who ran out of the temple, wearing prison clothes.Holding the 9mm revolver in his right hand, the pistol gleamed black in the sun.The nurses in the mental hospital saw him screaming and running away.A caregiver who was drying clothes shook the clothes in his hands and was about to hang them on the rack. When he saw him, he froze there, not knowing how to react. Luo Qi grabbed a nurse and pointed a gun to her head: "Where is Du Yiyue!" Xiao Bai put down the phone and ran towards the stairs.I grabbed him and said, "You are going to die!" "He gave up this chance to escape because he just wanted to see Du Yiyue for the last time! If he doesn't satisfy him, more people will die!" He broke free from my hand and ran downstairs. "I'll help you!" I yelled, and followed him to this death promise. Xiao Bai walked out of the male sick building, raised his hands horizontally, and walked slowly towards Luo Qi. When Luo Qiyi saw Xiao Bai, he immediately became nervous, and pressed his gun on the nurse's head: "Don't come over!" Xiao Bai stopped, and said calmly: "Luo Qi, let the nurse go, I'll take you to see Du Yiyue." Luo Qi glanced at Xiao Bai suspiciously, he had suffered from Xiao Bai's loss before, and he was very jealous of Xiao Bai in his heart.I also stepped forward, "Doctor Xiao will do what he says, don't worry." Luo Qi was stunned for a while, looked at me, and then called out my name: "Tang...Tang Ping!" I nodded.He thought for a while, let go of the nurse, and pointed a gun at us: "Go and open the door, don't play tricks!" Xiao Bai walked to the iron gate of the women's ward, took out the key and opened it, then glanced back at Luo Qi, "Du Yiyue is in Ward 261 on the second floor." "You guys go with me! Also, don't try to use your hypnotism, your hypnosis is faster than my bullets!" Luo Qi roared. Xiao Bai nodded, and led the way ahead, comforting the terrified nurses and patients as he walked, "It's okay, don't panic...it's okay!" The tone was very positive, but it was obviously of no use. The screams of the female patient have become one. It was only when I reached the second floor that I realized that Yu Mo was also here. She was in 263, just one ward away.I looked up, but I didn't see her in the corridor, probably she was still lying on the bed as usual.Luo Qi escorted us into Ward 261, and there was another scream. "Luo Qi!" Du Yiyue was stunned when she saw Luo Qi who suddenly appeared.There was no joy in his expression, but he shrank back from the bed in fear. It seems that Xiao Bai's treatment is really fast and direct, and Du Yiyue has already got out of the psychological misunderstanding of Stockholm syndrome in the past half a month.Otherwise, she would definitely rush to Luo Qi now, crying with joy. "You scared them and Du Yiyue too." Xiao Bai looked back at Luo Qi and said.He knew that the only person who had weight in Luo Qi's heart was Du Yiyue, and he was actually making a request to Luo Qi in Du Yiyue's name. Luo Qi was stunned, "Then...then the patient who has nothing to do with you, go out." Xiao Bai brought the other three female patients to the door and handed them to the head nurse and several calm nurses: "Take care of them, I'm in charge here." The head nurse nodded. After staying in the mental hospital for so many years, she had already exercised her calm courage. Luo Qi walked to Du Yiyue's bedside, "Xiaoyue...I, I'll come and see you." "You... haven't you been arrested?" Du Yiyue looked at him in fear. Luo Qi looked at his prison clothes, "Does my appearance scare you? I'm sorry, the time is too rushed, I didn't change my clothes." Seeing that Luo Qi still treated her the same way as before, Du Yiyue gradually calmed down, "You ran away?" Luo Qi nodded honestly. "Then why did you come here?" Du Yiyue had completely calmed down, she knew that Luo Qi would not hurt her at any time. "I want to see you for the last time." Luo Qi sat down beside her bed, looked at her and said affectionately, as if everything around him had nothing to do with him. "You're so stupid, why don't you run away when you have the chance?" Du Yiyue sighed. Luo Qi smiled indifferently, "Actually, I don't want to live anymore, I... just don't want to part with you." "What's good about me, I don't deserve you to treat me like this." Du Yiyue shook her head and said, she could see that Luo Qi's actions really moved her a little, and a certain feeling in her heart was recovering. "You have the kindest heart in the world, and you are the only one who sympathizes with me and treats me like a human being." There was a trace of helplessness in Luo Qi's eyes.This is the look in Luo Qi's eyes from before, and now he will only show this look again when facing Du Yiyue. "Why did you lie to me? You said it was the last time." Du Yiyue had also changed back to the Du Yiyue in the cellar.This emotion cannot be defined, it is like a resonance.No matter how clever Xiao Bai's treatment is, it cannot completely block this emotional connection. Luo Qi shook his head helplessly, "I know I can't stop, I've fallen madly in love with the sense of accomplishment of being noticed. I know this sense of accomplishment is abnormal, but I just can't let it go anymore , I’m already stuck in it and can’t extricate myself. I promised you that it would be the last time, but I know I can’t do it. I can promise you for a while, but I can’t give you a lifetime.” "That's why you deliberately left clues to let them catch you?" Du Yiyue's tears rolled in her eyes. Luo Qi did not answer, but just narrated: "On the day you said that you would be with me forever, I had a dream at night. The beginning of the dream was our future home. We have two children, a boy and a girl. At that time, I was flipping through the picture folder to tell them the story in the picture. You are cooking the most delicious meal in the kitchen, and everything is so warm and harmonious. At this moment, the door was knocked open, and the police rushed in and suppressed me Handcuffed on the ground. I was woken up in a flash." Luo Qi shook his head sadly, "I still clearly remember the last scene in the dream, when you were so terrified and in pain. The children looked at me in disbelief—the father they admired was escorted into the police car by the police, and they Humiliation and incomprehension were written in his eyes." When Du Yiyue heard this, she couldn't bear it anymore, tears welled up in her eyes, and she began to sob softly. "That is our future. You have to accompany me in fear all day long. I am not afraid of death, but I dare not recall the last scene in my dream, not even once. When I threw the body for the third time , I intentionally or unintentionally left a bunch of clues like I was possessed. At that time, I didn’t know why I did it, but during this time, I figured it out and understood my inner thoughts. I can’t drag you into such a life , so I must destroy myself to save you." Luo Qi said affectionately. "You're so stupid..." Du Yiyue wiped her tears and shook her head. "Xiaoyue, don't cry, this is your new life, you should laugh." Luo Qi comforted with a smile. But these words only made Du Yiyue cry even harder. Luo Qi distressedly helped her wipe the tears from the corners of her eyes, "I came to see you for the last time, just to say sorry. I'm sorry Xiaoyue! I shouldn't kidnap you, and I shouldn't let you fall in love with me. Although I don't know Is that considered love, but I know it's all my fault, it's all my fault..." "No! You are right, it was your kindness that called me. It was me who was wrong. I should have helped you with all my strength from the beginning, and you would not have killed the first person. But I knew at that time Fear and fear, all I can think about is how to escape and leave you." Du Yiyue shook her head and cried. "Xiaoyue, you are so kind, you even sympathize with me who has become a devil." Luo Qi's smile was very sad, and his eyes were full of tenderness. "Listen, Luo Qi, we've surrounded this place! Come out and surrender immediately!" Ma Qianli's rooster voice sounded inappropriately with the loudspeaker. Hearing this voice, I began to understand the angry look on Xiao Bai's face when he pushed the door out of the office where he was held hostage.Originally, if Luo Qi and Du Yiyue continued to talk like this, the subsequent development would either be Luo Qi committing suicide by swallowing a gun, or Luo Qi obediently surrendered.But he stepped in at this critical moment, which undoubtedly stimulated Luo Qi's already tense nerves to the extreme. Sure enough, upon hearing this voice, Luo Qi's eyes suddenly turned cold. He walked to the window and glanced at the policeman downstairs, then looked back at Du Yiyue, "Xiaoyue, I'm sorry! I should go, I don't want to be interrogated endlessly. I'm going to kill them." The criminal policemen who felt sorry for me during the interrogation! Let them kill me too, let me die quickly!" "Don't kill anymore Luo Qi, don't kill any more!" Du Yiyue cried. Luo Qi looked affectionately at Du Yiyue for the last time, "Xiaoyue, I'm sorry! It's all my fault, and the only person I'm sorry for in this life is you. I hope you can find someone who can give you happiness in the future, I hope He can cherish you well, otherwise I will not let him go even if I am a ghost! Goodbye, Xiaoyue..." After speaking, Luo Qi turned around and walked downstairs. At this moment, Xiao Bai, whose back was facing Luo Qi, slowly raised his clenched right hand, with his index finger and thumb spread apart, forming the shape of a pistol. "Luo Qi!" Xiao Bai shouted at him. When Luo Qi turned around and saw Xiao Bai's action, he was stunned.In fact, not only Luo Qi, everyone thought Xiao Bai was crazy.His doing like this is tantamount to committing suicide, now Luo Qi is already a murderous maniac without scruples, he certainly doesn't mind sending a bullet to Xiao Bai's head. Xiao Bai looked at Luo Qi, his eyes full of majesty, he said word by word: "I, Xiao Bai! Now I order you to remember my voice! Remember my orders! Remember the gun in my hand!" Luo Qi's eyes blurred for a moment, as if a powerful force roared out from the depths of his brain.Yes, he remembered, he remembered the hint that Xiao Bai gave him during hypnosis last time.He desperately wanted to resist the strange feeling coming to him, so he raised the gun in his hand to Xiao Bai with difficulty... "Bang!" Xiao Bai popped out the sound from his mouth. Luo Qi's body fell down in response to the sound, and immediately lay limp against the wall, falling into a hypnotic state like this. There are many times when I feel that the character Xiao Bai cannot exist. Many things he does are so absurd that I once doubted his objective existence.But when I saw him face the fallen Luo Qi and let out a long breath, I realized that he was indeed alive. In fact, he wasn't sure either, but that's how this lunatic works.He himself said: "There is only one chance, I have to try." Later, when Luo Qi was escorted into the police car, Luo Qi stopped and looked at Xiao Bai who was standing with Ma Qianli, staring for a long time. "Thank you!" He kowtowed slightly and said. I have never been able to understand Luo Qi's "thank you" to Xiao Bai.What does this "thank you" mean?I really don't know what Luo Qi wants to "thank you" Xiao Bai. I only know that Luo Qi was very solemn and sincere when he said this "thank you", it was from the heart. Set everything up and wait for everything to return to its original position. I asked Xiao Bai, "What's going on, how could Luo Qi be hypnotized like this." Xiao Bai smiled slightly, and only answered me with five words: "Hint after hypnosis." "You could have done this from the beginning, right? Why did you leave it until the end? So that Luo Qineng and Du Yiyue could meet for the last time?" I asked. "That was his last concern. He didn't fulfill this wish. My suggestion may be resisted by his strong will. You have to know how powerful the power of love is, even death can pass through." He said. "Is that love?" I asked with a sigh. Xiao Bai looked up at the sky, and said, "It's impossible to define."