Chapter 3 spring intoxicated evening

one I lived idle in Shanghai for half a year, and because of unemployment, I moved my apartment to three places.At first, I lived in a free cell that was like a birdcage and was never exposed to the sun in the south of Jing'an Temple Road.The residents of these free cells, except for a few fierce tailors who are like robbers and thieves, are poor unknown scribes, so I gave the place the title of Yellow Grab Street at that time.I lived in this Grub Street for a month, and the rent suddenly increased, so I had to drag a few broken books and move them to a hostel near the racetrack.Later, I suffered all kinds of persecution in this hotel and had to move, so I found a small room in a slum opposite Rixinli in the middle of Dengtuo Road on the north bank of Waibaidu Bridge, and moved there.

These rows of houses on Dengtuo Road are only a few feet high from the ground to the roof.The room upstairs where I lived was even more dwarfed.If you stand on the floor and go up one liter, you will be able to pierce the gray and black roof with your hands.Walking into the door of the house from the front porch, it is the owner's house.In the middle of the rags, tin cans, glass bottles, and old iron utensils, walk two steps sideways, and there is a ladder with a few rungs fallen in the middle against the wall.Use this ladder to connect it to a dark two-foot-wide hole above, and you can go upstairs.On this dark floor, it was originally only as big as a cat’s forehead, but the owner divided it into two small rooms. The outer one is where a female worker from the N Tobacco Company lives. I have a small room, because the occupants of the outer room have to come and go from my room, so my monthly rent is a few cents cheaper than that of the outer room.

My homeowner is a stooped old man in his fifties.The blue-yellow color of his face reflected a layer of dark oily light.The two eyes are one big and the other small, the cheekbones are high, and the few wrinkles on the forehead and cheeks are covered with soot, as if they can't be washed off every morning.He got up at eight or nine o'clock every day, coughed for a while, and went out with a pair of bamboo baskets. At three or four o'clock in the afternoon, he always came back with a pair of empty baskets, and sometimes when he came back with a full load, In his bamboo basket are those rags, broken ironware, glass bottles and the like.On a night like this, he would have to buy some wine to drink, sitting on the edge of the bed alone and swearing a lot of incomprehensible words.

The first time I met my roommate next door was the afternoon of the day I moved in.At five o'clock, when the rush of spring was almost late, I lit a candle and put there a few tattered books that had just been brought from the storehouse.First stack them into two piles, one pile is smaller and the other pile is larger, and then two two-foot-long easels for pictures are placed on the larger pile of books.Since all my utensils are sold out, this pile of books and easels will serve as a desk during the day and a bed at night.With the easel board set up, I turned towards the table of stacked books and sat smoking on the smaller pile, with my back laced towards the ladder joint.While smoking, I stared blankly at the candles on the table when I suddenly heard a rattle on the ladder.Looking back, I only saw an enlarged projected shadow of my own house, and I couldn't make out anything else, but my hearing clearly told me: "Someone is coming up." I stared into the darkness for a few seconds, and a circle The gray face and half of a slender woman's body came into my eyes just now.As soon as I saw her appearance, I knew she was my roommate next door.Because when I came to look for a house, the old man who owned the house told me that besides him, there was only one female worker living upstairs.On the one hand, I like the cheap price of the house, and on the other hand, I like that there are no other women and children in this house, so I rented it immediately.After she walked up the ladder, I stood up and nodded to her and said:

"I'm sorry, I just moved here today, and I'll ask you to take care of me in the future." After hearing my words, she didn't answer, she cast a pair of big dark eyes, took a deep look at me, then walked up to her door, unlocked it, and entered the room.I only met her once like this. I don't know why, but I just think she is a poor woman.Her high nose bridge, gray and white oblong face, and thin and not tall body seemed to indicate that she was pitiful, but I was worrying about life problems at that time, and I had no time to feel sorry for this unemployed female worker. After a few minutes, I sat motionless on the small pile of books and watched the candle light.

After more than a week in this slum, she went to work at 7 o'clock in the morning and came back from work at 6 o'clock in the afternoon. She always saw me sitting on the pile of books in front of the candle or oil lamp in a daze.Perhaps her curiosity was aroused by my non-demented attitude.One day when she got off work and came upstairs, I still stood up and let her pass the same as the first day.She came to my side and stopped suddenly.Glancing at me, hesitantly asked me as if afraid of something: "What book do you read here every day?" (She speaks a soft Suzhou accent. I can't describe how she feels after hearing this kind of voice, so I can only translate her words into ordinary vernacular.)

After listening to her words, my face turned red.Because I sat there every day, even though there were several foreign books spread out in front of me, my mind was actually so confused that I couldn't read a single line.Sometimes I just use my imagination to fill in some strange models in the blank space between the previous line and the next line of the book.Sometimes I just turn over the illustrations in the book to look at them, and then interpret some inhuman fantasies from those illustrations.My body at that time was actually in a sick state due to insomnia and malnutrition.Moreover, because my only property, a cotton robe, is in tatters, I cannot go out for a walk during the day, and there is no light in the room. I have to light oil lamps or candles no matter day or night. Not only my whole health Not as good as ordinary people, even my eyes and leg strength are partially atrophied.In such a state, how can I not blush after hearing her question?So I just answered vaguely:

"I'm not reading, but sitting here doing nothing must not look good, so I spread these books." After hearing this, she took another deep look at me, made a puzzled description, and went to her room as usual. In those few days, if I said that I didn’t look for anything at all and never did anything.But it is false.Sometimes, my mind is a little fresher, and I have also translated a few English and French poems and a few German short stories of less than 4,000 words. At night, when everyone is asleep, I go out quietly to post , Posting to each newly opened bookstore.Because at that time, my hope of getting a job in all aspects had already been completely cut off. Only in this aspect, I could rely on my boring brain to think about it.In case the editor likes them and publishes my translation, it is not difficult to get paid a few dollars.So since I moved to Dunt Road, when she first spoke to me, such translations have been sent out three or four times.

two Living in the chaotic Shanghai Concession, it is not easy to feel the changes of the seasons and the passing of the days.After I moved to the slums on Dunt Road, I felt that the ragged cotton robe I was wearing there was getting heavier and hotter day by day, so I thought to myself: "Perhaps Chunguang is too old!" But I was very shy in my pocket, and I couldn't go anywhere for a trip. I just sat there under the light of the dark room day and night.One day, it was around noon, and I was sitting there like this, and the roommate next door suddenly came up with two packs of paper-wrapped items in her hand. When I stood up to let her go, she took the The paper bag put a bag on my desk and said:

"This bag is grape pulp bread, please keep it, it will be delicious tomorrow. In addition, I have a bag of bananas to buy here, please come to my room and eat it!" I held the paper bag for her, and she opened the door and invited me into her room. During these ten days of staying together, she seemed to have believed that I was a loyal person.I saw that the expression of doubt and fear on her face when she first met me was completely gone.When I entered her room, I knew it was still dark, because there was a south-facing window in her room, and the reflected light from the sun came in through this window, illuminating a small room, which was A bed made of two planks, a black-painted half table, a crate, and a round stool.Although there is no curtain on the bed, there are two clean quilts piled up with green cloth.Halfway across the table was a small iron box, probably her hair combing utensil. There were already many greasy spots on the iron box.She let me sit down while putting away some half-worn foreign cotton padded jackets and coarse trousers piled on the round stool on the bed.I felt embarrassed when I saw how courteous she was to me, so I said to her:

"We originally lived in the same place, so why be so polite." "I'm not being polite, but every day when I come back, you always stand up to let me, but I feel very sorry." Saying so, she opened a bag of bananas for me to eat.She also took one at home, sat down on the bed, and asked me while eating: "Why do you just live at home and not go out and find something to do?" "That's what I thought, but I can't find anything after looking around." "Do you have friends?" "There are friends, but at a time like this, they don't hang out with me anymore." "Have you been to school?" "I have studied in foreign schools for several years." "Where is your home? Why don't you go home?" When she asked here, I suddenly felt my own status quo.Because since last year, I have just been sluggish day by day, and I have almost put the concepts of "who am I?" "what kind of situation am I in now?" forgot.After her questioning, I re-thought out layer by layer the difficult situation of the past six months.So after listening to her question, I just stared at her blankly, speechless for a while.She saw me like this and thought I was also a homeless person.Immediately, a lonely expression appeared on his face, and he sighed slightly and said: "Oh! Are you the same as me?" After a slight sigh, she stopped talking.I saw that her eye circles were flushed, so I thought of another question and asked her: "What kind of work did you do in the factory?" "It's wrapped in cigarettes." "How many hours a day do you work?" "From seven o'clock in the morning to six o'clock in the evening, with an hour's break at noon, I have to work for a total of ten hours a day. If I work an hour less, I will deduct my money." "How much is deducted?" "Nine dollars a month, so three dollars for ten days, three cents for an hour." "How much is the meal?" "Four dollars a month." "In this way, if you don't rest for one hour a month, you can save five yuan except for the meal. Is it enough for you to pay for the rent and buy clothes?" "Where is enough! And the manager wants to... ah! I... I hate the factory so much. Do you eat cigarettes?" "food." "I advise you that you'd better not eat it. Just eat it and don't eat the cigarettes from our factory. I really hate it here." I saw her gnashing of teeth and resentment, and I didn't want to say any more.I took a few bites of the half-eaten banana I was holding in my hand, looked around, and felt that her room was getting dark, so I stood up, thanked her, and walked back to my own room.Probably because she was tired from work, she probably fell asleep immediately after coming back every day. Only this night, she seemed to have not gone to bed until midnight in the room.After this time, she came back every day and always said a few words to me.I heard from her own family that her surname is Chen, and her name is Ermei. She is from Dongxiang, Suzhou. She grew up in the countryside of Shanghai. Her father was also a worker in a cigarette factory, but died last autumn.She used to live in that room with her father and went to the factory every day, but now she was alone.More than a month after her father died, she cried all the way to the factory in the morning, and cried all the way back home at night.She is seventeen years old and has no siblings or close relatives.After her father died, he handed over fifteen yuan to the old man downstairs before he died, and entrusted the old man to take care of it.she says: "The old man downstairs is a good man. He has never been mean to me, so I have to work like my father in Japan. However, a manager of the factory surnamed Li is very bad. He knows that my father is dead. , just want to tease me every day." I know almost everything about her family and her father's background, but what kind of person is her mother?Dead or alive?If you are still alive, where do you live?Wait, she never mentioned it. three The weather seems to have changed.For a few days in my unique world, the rotten air in the dark small room is like the steam in the steamer, making people dizzy. I suffer from severe neurasthenia every year at the turn of spring and summer. , in such a climate, it will make me semi-mad.So I have come to the evening in the past few days, and I often want to go for a walk after the traffic on the road is quiet.Looking at the stars from the narrow dark blue sky alone on the road, walking slowly forward, and dreaming about endlessly, it is very beneficial to my body.In such a helpless and intoxicated spring night, I would walk around and go home only when it was almost dawn.When I get tired from walking like this, I go back to sleep. I can sleep until the middle of the day the next day. A few times, I have to sleep until my second sister comes back from work before getting up. After a good night’s sleep, my health gradually recovers. Woke up.My stomach, which usually can only digest half a pound of bread, has improved to almost a pound of bread since my late-night parade practice began.Although this incident was a big blow financially, my mind, nourished by these, seemed to be a little more unified than before.After I got back from the parade, before I went to bed, I wrote a few Allan Poe-style short stories, and it wasn't too bad to read it at home.I revised several times, copied several times, and after posting them one by one, although I had some small hopes in my heart, I thought about the fact that there was no news about the previous translations, and after a few days, I also sent them. forget. The neighbor’s second sister, for the past few days, when she went to work in the morning, I always slept soundly there. Only when she came back from work in the afternoon, I had the opportunity to meet a few times, but I don’t know why. I think her attitude towards me has returned to the state of suspicion and fear when we first met.Sometimes she would take a deep look at me, her black and watery eyes seemed to be full of accusations and persuasion. It has been about 20 days since I moved to this slum. One afternoon, when I was lighting candles and reading a novel I bought from a second-hand bookstore, my second sister hurried away. Come up to me and say: "There's a messenger downstairs, and I want you to get the stamp." When she said this to me, her doubts and fears were even more evident in my attitude. She seemed to say, "Haha! You I found out what happened!" I hated her attitude very much, so I got a little angry and answered her: "What letter do I have? Not mine!" After hearing my angrily answer, she seemed to have won a victory, a sneer suddenly appeared on her face and said: "Go and see for yourself! Only you know about your affairs!" At the same time, I heard a person like a postman urging at the door downstairs, saying: "Certified mail!" I took out the letter and looked at it, and my heart skipped a few beats. It turned out that the translation of a German short story I sent back earlier had been published in a certain magazine, and the letter sent was five yuan. a money order.When I was almost empty in my pocket, with this five yuan, not only could I not worry about the next month’s rent that had to be paid in advance at the end of the month, but after paying the rent, I could still maintain food for a few days. At that time, the five yuan The expansion of my utility can be conceived by anyone. In the afternoon of the next day, I went to the post office to get money. After walking on the sun-baked street for a while, I suddenly felt a lot of sweat pouring out of my body.I looked at the pedestrians around me, and then at myself, before I unconsciously lowered my head.Beads of sweat on my neck and head came out one by one like rain.Because when I was parading in the middle of the night, there was no sun in the sky, and in the cold spring, I always stayed in the quiet streets and alleys in the pale night in the east, so the ragged cotton robe I wore still felt uncomfortable. Very different from the seasons.Now that it’s sunny and sunny in the spring, I still can’t realize it, but I still wear this night gown and walk in the street, comparing with my kind who are front, back, left, and right, and the seasons are happening at the same time, How can I not feel ashamed?For a moment, I forgot the rent I had to pay a few days later, and the small accumulation in my pocket that was almost exhausted, so I walked slowly to the clothing appraiser on Zhalu.I haven’t been walking under the sun for a long time. I look at the auto rickshaws on the street, the gorgeous young men and women sitting in the cars, and the gorgeous furnishings in the windows of the silk shops and gold and silver shops on both sides of the road. The noisy voices of people, footsteps, and car bells sounded like bees. For a moment, I felt that I was in the sky of Daluo.I forgot the existence of my own family, and wanted to sing and dance like my compatriots, so I unknowingly sang a few long-forgotten Beijing tunes.At this moment of Nirvana illusion, when I wanted to cross the road and turn into the gate, I was suddenly shocked by the sound of a bell.I looked up and saw that there was a trolleybus rushing in front of me, and the fat robotic hand standing on the front of the car bent half of his body, scolded me angrily and said loudly: "Pig head three! Nong (your) Ai (eyes) don't scatter (live)! When you fall to death, call Wang (Huang) enough (dog) to take Nong (your) life!" I stood still in a daze, watching a cloud of dust roll up at the rear of the trolleybus, and after heading north, I didn't know where the emotion came from, and suddenly I couldn't help laughing a few times.When the people around me were watching me, I blushed and walked slowly into the gate. I asked about the prices of some shirts in several clothing estimation shops, and I paid them back the amount I could pay. The clerks of several clothing estimation shops seemed to be taught by a master, and they all put them down. face, mockingly said: "Long (you) looking for Sa (what) Kai (happy)! Don't buy a horse (buy) please don't ask for a horse (buy)!" I asked all the way to a small shop on the side of Fifth Avenue. I saw that there was no way to buy a jacket, so I bought a bamboo cloth single shirt and changed it right away.Taking a pack of cotton robes she had replaced in her hand, she walked back home silently.On the other hand, I was thinking in my heart: "It's not enough anyway, I'll just use it to my heart's content." At the same time, I remembered the bread and bananas that my second sister gave me that day.Before I could think about it for the second time, I searched for a candy shop, went in and bought chocolate cake with banana candy and other miscellaneous food for one dollar.Standing in the shop, waiting for the clerk to pack it for me, I suddenly remembered that I haven't bathed for more than a month, so I might as well take a bath today. After taking a bath, I took a pack of cotton robes and a pack of sweets. When I returned to Deng Tuo Road, the shops on both sides of the road had already turned on the lights.There were very few pedestrians on the street, and a cool evening breeze blowing from the Huangpu River made me shiver a few times.I went back to my room and lit the candle.I took a photo of the door of the second sister's room and knew that she hadn't come back yet.At that time, although I was very hungry, I was reluctant to open the bag of candies I just bought.Because I want to wait for my second sister to come back and eat with her.As I took out the book to read, I was swallowing saliva in my mouth.After waiting for a long time, the second sister finally didn't come back. I didn't know when my tiredness came out and overcame me, so I fell asleep leaning against the pile of books. Four When the sound of the second sister's return woke me up, I saw that a twelve-ounce package of foreign candles in front of me had been lit by two inches, and I asked her what time was it?she says: "The steam pipe at ten o'clock has just been let go." "Why did you come back so late today?" "The factory asked us to do night work because of the high sales volume. The wages have increased, but people are too tired." "Then you don't have to do it." "But there are not enough workers, and it is impossible not to do it." When she said this, two tears suddenly rolled down my face. I thought she was tired from work, so I felt sad. Although I felt pity for her in my heart, I also felt sorry for her when I saw her childlike temper. A little happy.After opening the candy bag and asking her to eat a few, I persuaded her: "When I first started working at night, I wasn't used to it, so I felt sleepy. After I got used to it, it didn't matter." She sat silently on my half-height table made of stacked books, ate a few chocolates, and looked at me a few times, as if she couldn't speak.I urged her to say: "What do you have to say?" She was silent for a while, then asked me intermittently: "I...I...wanted to ask you a long time ago. These few nights, you are outside every night, but are you making friends with bad guys?" I was taken aback by what she said. She seemed to suspect that I hang out with petty thieves every night.Seeing that I was dumbfounded and didn't answer, she thought that my behavior was really seen through by her, so she continued softly and continuously: "Why do you have to eat such good food and wear such good clothes. You know that this matter is unreliable. If you are captured by others, what face do you have to be a human being? Don't talk about the past, and you will I beg you to change it..." I just stared blankly at her with my eyes wide open and my mouth wide open, because her thinking was so strange that I couldn't explain it.She was silent for a few seconds, then continued: "As far as the cigarettes you smoke are concerned, if you quit smoking every day, you can save a few coppers. I have advised you not to smoke, especially not to smoke the cigarettes of the N factory that I hate. You always Do not listen." When she said this, she suddenly shed a few tears.I know that these are the tears she shed to resent factory N, but in my heart, I will never allow me to think like this, I always want to shed them as a way of persuading me.I thought about it quietly, and when her nerves calmed down, I told her the reason for yesterday's registered letter, and told her about today's withdrawal of money to buy things.In the end, I talked about my neurasthenia and the reason why I need to go for a walk every night.After hearing my justification, she believed me. After I finished speaking, two blushes suddenly appeared on her cheeks, she lowered her eyes to look at the table, and said as if shy: "Oh, I blamed you wrongly, I blamed you wrongly. Please don't worry too much, I didn't mean anything badly. Because your behavior is so strange, I thought of going astray. If you can be good Wouldn’t it be great to work hard? That—what’s it called? Suddenly, with a strange feeling, I wanted to throw my arms around her, but my reason commanded me: "Don't do any more crimes! Do you know what situation you are in now? Do you want to poison this pure virgin? Devil, devil, you are not qualified to be a lover now!" When I felt that kind of emotion, I closed my eyes for a few seconds. After listening to the rational order, my eyes opened again. I felt that my surroundings were suddenly brighter than the previous few seconds. up.I gave her a slight smile, and I urged her to say: "It's late at night, you should go to bed! You have to go to work tomorrow! I promise you to quit smoking from today on." After hearing my words, she stood up, went back to her room very much, and went to sleep. After she left, I put on another foreign candle and quietly thought about many things: "As a result of my hard work, I have already spent three of the five yuan I got for the first time. Adding up my original one yuan and more, after paying the rent, I can only save two or three small oceans. What should I do!" Just pawn this ragged cotton robe!But I'm afraid not in pawnshops. "This girl is really pitiful, but my current situation can't catch up with her. She doesn't want to work and she has to be forced to do it. I want to find a job, but I can't find it. Just go to work with your muscles. Ahhh, but my weak wrists are afraid that I won’t be able to withstand the gravity of a rickshaw. "Suicide! I have the courage to do it a long time ago. I can still think of these two words now, which proves that my ambition has not been completely exhausted! "Hahahaha! Today is the robot hand of the tram! Why is he calling me? Yellow dog, yellow dog is a good name." "..." I thought about a lot of scattered thoughts, but after all, I couldn't find a good way to save me from the current poverty.Hearing the factory whistle, it seemed to be saying twelve o'clock, so I stood up, put on the ragged cotton robe I wore during the day, blew out the candles again, and went outside for a walk. People in the slums have fallen asleep.On the opposite side, in a row of western-style buildings facing Dengtuo Road in Rixinli, there were still a few houses with red and green lights on, playing and playing La Layijia there.One or two crisp singing voices, with a sad tone, came to my eardrums from the cold air of the silent night. This is probably the singing of wandering Russian girls who sell money there.The sky is covered with thin gray clouds, which are heavy like rotting corpses.One or two stars can be seen even when the clouds are broken, but near the stars, the dark sky can be seen, as if there is infinite sadness hidden. July 15, 1923