Chapter 3 three

But the world is really still changing, and there must be changes in personnel and affairs.The only friend who can help spiritually, seeing that the situation is not quite right recently, many words are meaningless, it seems that before she gave up her ideals, she gave up her ideals, and persuaded her to "respect herself", Instead, it was like a prank, asking her to "make love" with someone who was obviously not good enough for her to make good use of the rest of her youth.How many suitors are there?One of the acquaintances went abroad, and the other had no courage to write letters because of no results. As for the friend who stayed five thousand miles away, it was too far apart in time and space.

The letters were never quite gentle enough to arouse her fantasies of future happiness and protect her against her present tendencies towards self-abandonment. ... What's more important is that the female classmate who has been with her for ten years, in a common and uncommon emotion, has personally suffered a lot, and the pain is enough for her, and she can't get used to the new situation.Although I seem to try my best to make concessions and adapt to everything, in the end I was hit too hard by my monopolistic emotions. I just want to go far away so that I can save my emotional collapse and get a balance in my new life.After reflecting everything that was close to hysteria to daily life, he was full of love and hatred, and one day he walked away suddenly.

At the beginning, her life changed a bit, as if her old classmates left, all the annoying things in the "past" left, and she seemed relaxed and free.The old classmate produced all kinds of curses because of love and hatred, and all kinds of terrible associations aroused in her mind because of the curses. Also left together.Old friends don't see each other often for other reasons.College students seem to be unfamiliar with each other at first.But soon after the summer vacation, there is nothing to do, so naturally I have more free time.Due to the isolation of idleness and smallness, the college students seem to be much more enthusiastic.This enthusiasm does not matter how it is expressed, it can increase a woman's confidence in beauty, and of course it will cause her a little reaction.Therefore, she continued to live in the old way, as she herself said, living like a "prose without chapters and rhymes".But life is a strange thing after all, and it is precisely because of the reality of life, which is ordinary and boring, that it cultivates the fantasy in her soul.Now that life has changed and I have more free time, I naturally have more opportunities to think about "life" alone.When she can pick up the word "love" alone to pursue it, it will inevitably arouse feelings of "classic" and "modern", and she can distinguish its pros and cons from experience.What is poetry and fire mixed together, well retaining the classical beauty and elegance?What is the method learned from popular movie scenes, the pretentious part only makes people feel hypocritical, and the vulgar part has gradually uglified life?Therefore, although I am used to getting close to the life of college students, I also think very far away.Because of this kind of thinking, I discovered many things, which are usually neglected, but are very solemn things in life.Although my thoughts and thoughts are abstract and not concrete, my life seems to have really regained a kind of stability, regained the lost confidence in life, and felt the need for improvement in life.Only by going upward can the poetry and fire in classical love see new light and heat.This is much more important than the specific and vulgar love of college students.

However, she is still a little confused, a little moved. She understands that time is never returned, and it is not difficult to make the poems preserved in the impression come back.It's just that the current so-called concreteness is destroying all the parts of life that belong to "poetry" as much as possible.To struggle and resist, one has to rely on another kind of force, which does not seem to be very helpful in itself.To break the current way of life formed by the two things of personality and environment, you only need to rely on a little ideal or fantasy in your heart. Compared with it, it seems too weak and powerless.

She is willing to get a little help from old friends or old classmates, and recall the curses that old classmates gave her before they left. At that time, these words really hurt her self-esteem and aroused her defensiveness towards college students.This season is a little different. Before leaving, the old classmate said, "XX, we really left. You understand why I left. Although you say that you don't want me to leave, in fact, in your conscience, you hope that I will go as far away as possible. If you leave me, you can start a new life. Happiness and freedom are waiting for you. Well, I will leave as you wish! You will be happy and free from tomorrow! But I am your friend after all. I understand you and worry about your character.

It is easy for you to leave me, but once I leave, it will be difficult for you to leave that poor and useless college student.Just because this person has no knowledge and life ideals, but he has plenty of time, you will definitely suffer from this.If you want to love someone or want someone to love you, you should also find someone who looks a little decent, it’s not like there are no such people!You are depraved at the moment, and I tell you that you don't admit it, because you only think that I am jealous, and you can't think of anything else.I hurt your pride by mentioning it, and by the time you understand what pride really is, you're done.In the end, you can also say that as long as we love each other, it will be fine!Well, think about it this way. If you can really be happier, think about it this way. "

The female classmate naturally wouldn't understand that she didn't love the college students, and the reason why she was intimate with the college students was only because of her impulse. As for the old friend, there is still a little misunderstanding in the friendship, there are more taboos, and the meeting is less. I think I am treating her well, but in fact it is close to treating her badly. what is love"?Things can't help but feel confusing again.She thought she could do something, or take a break from concentrating on her work.College students certainly wouldn't give her this peace.In fact, she should take a rest and liberate her heart from the current personnel disputes, only then can she hope to restore the balance and normality of her state of mind.But this "liberation" seems like a futile hope. There is nothing I can do, and it is not easy for others to help.

In the past, she once said to that old friend, "People are really terrible. Those who come to me only want to monopolize my body and mind. They all seem extremely authoritarian and selfish. When their expectations are slightly frustrated, they are full of jealousy." It’s terrible.” But the old friend answered this question very well, “People are not terrible. If you are stable emotionally and in life, there is nothing terrible in friendship or love. The thing to worry about is that you are much more interested in caring about the body than about the soul. It takes an hour to comb your hair, and you don’t care about it. If you read a book for half an hour, you think it is too tiring.

And you will always use excuses to muddle through your life, without the courage to be a good person again, this is really a terrible thing for your future! " But whose fault is this?Love her, understand her, in the end, either because of jealousy or other taboos, with an expression of unpleasantness, pain and disappointment, walk away far away, die dead, strangers never have the courage and opportunity to care about her, sympathize with her . Only let her live alone, hopeless and helpless in this hypocritical and vulgar world.A woman is twenty-six years old. In this situation, besides listening to the opportunity, with tolerance and compassion, she came to take the college student by her side, order him around, do some small things, and at the same time support him. Applying powder and Zhu, conditioning eyebrows and hair, gaining the meaning of life, is there any other way to satisfy a woman's nature?

So when she mentioned this point, she didn't want her old friend to misunderstand her, and said to her old friend, "It's not my fault, I'm a woman, you understand that women have inherent weaknesses, and you need people to love her. Even if it's artificial enthusiasm, it's worthless Vulgar love, you can't stay indifferent, you can't bear to let it go without asking! My sister doesn't understand, she always thinks that I will marry that ordinary college student, so she walks away. It's you, don't you sometimes say yes Understand, don't you believe me? In fact, I will always be true and never lose to anyone!"

The old friend said, "But what's the use of being faithful? It can't justify your non-specificity, nor can it arouse your courage to be a man, you understand. If being faithful is only to prove that you are more interested in sex than in life, the current life , you can imagine the future for you! When you really feel that this old friend has no self-respect for you and is really alienated from you, you should be a little painful. Especially if you can realize what the future is , is really terrible for you!" She felt a little sad, so she said angrily: "Everyone looks down on me and hates me. I don't need anything, I want to be alone. " The old friend realized that was an irony, so he said: "Yes, of course you feel good about it. It's not a bad idea for you just now, because it will allow you to be alone with the attentions of a college student! But one must never give up completely' "Past" and "future" cannot be neglected. You care about this more than others. The result of being overwhelmed for a while, for a woman, you will regret it for the rest of your life in the future. You should think about it for three or five days before deciding what you should do thing." So the old friend was silent.The sun and the moon flow endlessly, and everything that has passed naturally seems to be a kind of "past", and will never come again.Sure enough, it was only the college student who came to me.It is not the result of her thinking, but the necessity of habit.