Chapter 17 23-25 ​​Guangzhou

Guangzhou (1) 563．Everything starts fresh in Guangzhou.I went to the supermarket to watch durians, and I was so excited to look at them that I turned them up and down, as if I went to look at the testicles of a cow after slaughtering a cow in Batou, a township.Suddenly, a durian fell down for some reason, and I instinctively reached out to pick it up, "Ao~!" A scream echoed over Baijia Supermarket for a long time. 564．In Guangzhou, one of the most feared things is crossing the street.However, my beloved little cake happens to be across the street, and there is also Datang Roast Goose.Alas, life is unhappy nine out of ten times.Motorbikes, trucks, and buses swish by, scaring me even more.

565．Today, I was stuck in the middle of the road again.The exhaust pipe of a van was pointed at my waist, and the exhaust was chug, and I coughed and coughed.I couldn't open my eyes, and the sound of the horns around me drowned me.Suddenly, I don’t know where I thought of a song: I CAN FLY, be a brave girl... I hummed this song and felt that I had some strength. I tried to open my eyes and began to calmly analyze my situation.Finally, I saw two taxis give way to a small road, I stepped on it with one stride, and crossed the street in a few strides! 566．I'm already busy doing housework, why can't my 9.57-square-meter room be spotless? !Why? ? ? ! !

567．A recently launched magazine is said to be called "Industrial Design".I said: Why is it called such a silly name?The insider said: They also have something to hide!I asked: Did they suffer from prostatitis? 568．Walking out of the Guangzhou subway, I asked a boy who looked like a local: Excuse me, where is the prostate?He stared at me with wide eyes and left without answering.I groped for a long time, and finally found the place that sells clothes. It turned out that it wasn't called Prostate, it was called Fashion Front. 569. During the rainy season in March, the weather forecast says that the humidity in Guangzhou today is 98%. If adding 2%, it will be full of water. What should I do?I can't swim!

570．Today someone actually said that I am not feminine, I am obviously a woman!What does a woman taste like? 571．Zhang Min and I have been singing Leslie Cheung's "Monica" in order to express our condolences for Leslie Cheung's death: Monica——!Monica -! !Monica -! ! !Monica -! ! ! !... We were still very emotional, and we repeated the high-pitched part seriously and hoarsely.In fact, it’s not our fault, it’s originally a male’s song, and we women’s singing has to be raised an octave. 572．Doudou really doesn't like our performance: go go go go!Let me come!As soon as she put out the cigarette, she slapped Ye Yuqing's song skillfully: Look at me!She flicked up her skirt, raised her thighs on the table: I can't get your love, then turned around lightly (she can still be so light after giving birth to a baby), her hands seem to be looking for buttons on her body Feeling around like the same: just like flowers ~ without rain ~!Zhang Min and I laughed~ slapped~, never saw this baby with such a hand!That's all, Doudou lit another cigarette: how are you doing?Didn’t my fathers become wild models in Xi’an for two years in vain?

573．The mobile phone she put on the table rang, and she covered her ears with one hand and yelled loudly and forcefully: Which——? !The voice suddenly softened: Oh, are you obedient~?Why haven't you slept yet?Mom~, um, mom is at work, oh~!earn money money!You have to be obedient! ... 574．Every time I say the word "wasting youth", I imagine myself throwing my youth like a discus. 575．When I went to Shenzhen for the first time, I was taken aback by the high prices. I didn’t dare to buy anything. When I finally left, I bought two flashlights for 50 yuan. 576．In Xiaomeisha, Shenzhen, I took my mother to swim. This was the first time in her life to swim officially.To buy a swimsuit, she stayed in the fitting room for a long time. I hurried to visit and saw her sweating profusely wearing the swimsuit upside down, with the crotch hanging around her neck and pulled down!She complained: Oops - this one is too small, go, change it to a bigger one for me!

577．When I broke up with my boyfriend, my mother has always been more uncomfortable than me, crying so loudly: ... woo woo woo, your mother finally accepted it, oh!You changed again!I only have him in my heart now!Woooooo... I can only persuade from the side: okay, okay, not next time! 578．I called her: Mom, today is Mother's Day, I wish you a happy Mother's Day!My mother was so happy that she fainted, ah——!Haven't heard you say Happy Mother's Day in years!good good good good!Obediently obediently!As a result, I found out later that it was not Mother's Day at all, and I made a mistake.I was not discouraged, I counted the days again, and called her again when that day came: Mom, happy Mother's Day again!I remembered it wrong last time, but this time it is true!My mother is still very happy, so good!Obediently obediently!

Guangzhou (2) 579．As a result, a few days ago, my mother called me and said, hi!Why does the sign at the entrance of the shopping mall say that Mother's Day is today? 580．Listening to the music, I feel a little familiar, and asked: Have we heard this disc before?The friend said: We have been listening, but just pressed the replay button. 581．It's Chinese New Year, and my cat was left unattended during the Spring Festival, so I begged my mother to come to Guangzhou.It was all agreed, but when it came time to book tickets, my mother said: forget it, I don’t want to come, I have a few rhododendrons, a pot of spider plants, and a few nests of winter vegetables, and no one cares when I leave.

582．My mother said: I came to Guangzhou to bring you some Guanggan from Chengdu!Cantonese is so good this year!The ones I eat that cost only a few cents a catty are very good. Let me get you the top-quality oranges that cost only one yuan!Now I'm going back to Chengdu, and I'll call her to tell her about the various gifts I've prepared. She responds indifferently, and finally she suddenly remembered: Hi!You said that the Baogu in Guangzhou is sweet, you can carry a few catties back for me! 583．My mother scolded me very distressed: Look, it was you who called me to go to Guangzhou that day, and this pot of winter vegetables got angry when they heard that I was going to leave, and they all died!

584．Watching the Olympics this time, there was a javelin thrower, my mother saw it and said: Hey!Once when you were young, you were playing downstairs, and I was cooking upstairs, and suddenly I heard you crying. I saw a doll beating you, so I hurriedly picked up the bamboo pole for drying clothes and killed you. Isn’t it farther than this? ! 585． "Mystery" is a magazine I have loved to read for many years, especially the last edition is full of strange and strange things from all over the world. It says that a little boy who lives in the desert head walks on the desert one day, Suddenly, a burst of blue smoke floated over and enveloped him, and he curled up on the ground and passed out.When he woke up, people found that he could not speak the local dialect, but pure English!Oh my God~, for so many years, I have been looking forward to the arrival of that burst of blue smoke~!

586．Today someone discussed eating pangolins at the dinner party. I didn't like this very much, so I stood up and left. 587．Pangolins should hide well, don’t come out to play these few days, catch more ants and put them in the nest to eat, if they poop, dig holes and bury them.If you are bored, don't come out, you can hug and tickle each other. ... scratch even if you don't move. 588．When Lu Jia and his family went to the old man's grave, they burned a lot of ghost coins, with a face value of either 100 billion or 1 trillion.Lu Jia asked suspiciously: Do you want to burn some change?

589．Invite Zhang Min to go to Roppongi for sushi. I appreciate the rice of this sushi.She looked at the price and said: It's better to go back and make two bowls of dry rice. 590．See a title: Lei Feng, let us grow together.I thought to myself that it is almost March again, and I have to learn from Lei Feng again.Later, I found out that I was wrong, it was not Lei Feng, but Ting Feng. 591．Guangzhou is sweltering, humid, and full of miasma. Before long, I will find a sunny day, soak all my underwear in sterile water, boil them in boiling water, and hang them under the sun with a rope. Underpants and bras of various colors and textures flutter in the wind, attracting passers-by to look at them a few times, and I don't care!I never heard that Anita Mui died of gynecological diseases!Pull out a small bench, sit under the underwear and watch over, afraid of cats coming to scratch. 592．The summer heat in Guangzhou, I actually spent two summers here without air conditioning.One day, I passed by the bachelor's house next door, and a chill came over me: the house is air-conditioned.I deliberately went back and forth again, it was really cool~!I just lingered in front of the bachelor's door like this, gradually building up courage in my heart, and finally showed my card to my boyfriend: If you don't install the air conditioner for me today, I will go to sleep in this room.He said, well, then pretend. 593．After a while, I felt that mosquito bites were uncomfortable. I passed by a bachelor's house and saw a very beautiful screen door installed by him... He said, all right, let's pretend it.After a while, I wanted to eat frozen watermelon, and when I passed by a bachelor’s house, I saw a very cute and small refrigerator in his house... He said, well, then buy it. 594．After a while, the bachelor finally got a girlfriend, and she often stopped by our door, and then when I went back, I heard her say: It’s at home... Another voice said: Well, let’s buy it. 595．One day, Xiao Li, the secretary of the school office, said that there was a cat that lay on the grass of the new teaching building at 8 o'clock every morning, skinny and hungry, very similar to your little yellow.I picked up the cat food and went to the grass in the early morning. I searched around for a long time, but I didn't see Xiao Huang, only an old man with a yellow back and shell exercising there.I walked over and asked politely, speaking in very advanced Mandarin: Uncle, did you see a yellow cat nearby?He reacted for three or four seconds, I thought he didn't hear clearly, and was about to ask again, when he suddenly said to me, I'm sorry, I haven't asked about personnel and administrative matters for many years. Guangzhou (3) 596．My terminal tooth is growing again, so painful~!It feels like life is really coming to an end. 597．I took a fancy to a pair of shoes, black flip leather sneakers with pink lines on them, discounted from the original price of more than 300 to 120 yuan.I took my boyfriend to visit once, and he said: Put it on and have a look.I wore it, and he said: No, there is no line.off we go. 598．A few days later, he was once again grandly planning the 2010 national urban panorama (he was the editor-in-chief of a magazine), planning together with people from all over the world.At the topic selection meeting, I looked dignified and pondered for a long time, and he said: Sangge, tell me, what do you think?I looked up and said: Why do you think that pair of shoes have no lines? 599．A few days later, my task was distributed, to write a journal forecast for 2010, and the manuscript was due on the 20th.Today is the 19th, and he urged me, is it finished?I sat in front of the computer, the ashtray was full of cigarette butts, my brows were furrowed, and my face was haggard: Tell me, why do you think those shoes have no lines? 600．He took the initiative to take me to that shoe store, and he wanted to buy me those shoes.I tried it on again calmly, looked left and right, and said: There is no line, forget it, let's go. 601．In Guangzhou, the rented house is next to the famous XX art school, and I admire it very much. Every day I see people around me are very temperamental.One day, I saw a bald man with a big beard and a white beard. He was really a chivalrous man!I was immediately overwhelmed and asked a student, what major is this master from?He said that the master turned off the lights in the classroom every day. 602．Because my boyfriend is a teacher, I, who is not standing or sitting, is also called: teacher's wife.I am very happy in my heart, and I have been trying my best to maintain the image of a solemn, reserved, and elegant teacher's wife.Usually meet and say hello, the students said: Hello, Mrs.I nodded and smiled slightly: Hello so and so! 603．This favorable situation did not last long. Later, everyone knew what kind of person I was, and gradually my attitude changed a little.My boyfriend is also true, I can’t do it, and he can’t do it either. He is laughing and joking all day long, and his address has changed from "Jiang Lao" to the current "Lao Jiang", which made me change from "teacher" to "teacher mother" ".What's more, when I went to the studio yesterday, Yang Yifei said: Ge Ge seems to be in a good mood today!Come on, give us a dance!It's too much! ... I jumped. 604． Those who "emerge in the limelight" must be devils, and only devils have horns on their heads. 605．I stubbornly believe that it is difficult for people with a strong personal style and strong natural attributes to learn a foreign language well.For example, hosts Dou Wentao and Yang Jinlin of Phoenix Satellite TV, Yang Yifei, a student of Guangzhou Academy of Fine Arts, and social idlers: me. 606．Liu Ruyin was almost crying: Gege, my cat is sick!I asked: Why? !She slapped two bitter faces in succession on MSN: It barked all day long, very miserable!I said, did you feed it enough?She said, fed!I said, is it about to give birth?She said, she never had a big belly!I said, touch it to see if there are lumps all over its body.She touched it and said, no!I have no choice but to say, you should take it to the pet hospital.I have been keeping an eye on this matter, waiting to come back at night, go online, and wait for news.Liu Ruyin came up and said, Ge Ge, can I send 77 (the name of her cat) to the Academy of Fine Arts?I said, why?She said, the doctor said, she was starting to go into heat. 607. After the 77 cat arrived, I took a look at it and thought that this baby must be a spoiled cat, or else such a small face has a big body?Obviously, I ate too many balls.It picked up the fat fart and walked around my big fart house, and then meowed at me, meaning, where do I live?I snorted, meaning you can live wherever you want, 608．She was going to stay in my case, and of course I didn't agree. 609．She held the cat food bowl in her arms with her front paws, and grinned at the other cats and issued a "hoo hoo" warning. When he went to the cat food bowl that belonged to him, he was slapped alive by 77 cats!Xiao Huang screamed "Ao~", and then looked at me with big sparkling eyes.I don't know how to explain it, I knelt down and stretched out my arms to it: Baby, come here, let me tell you——.It made a low "Ao~", turned around resolutely, and disappeared into the night with a "swish". It has been three days and has not come back. Guangzhou (4) 610．There was a person looking for something in the studio, and she yelled: Who saw my porn? ! ——Where is my authentic official world girl? !Who took it? ! ——TA jumped onto Xiaotan's computer desk, flipped through it, with a bitter expression on his face: Did you really not see it?Then he rushed to Huang Zhijian's room, searched for it, and cried: You really don't have my -zheng-zong-guan-fang-shi-world-girl-girl here! ! ! 611．Then she went back to her seat and searched frantically again, muttering to herself: My porn, my porn, my porn, my porn, my porn... Then she screamed: Ah! !found it! !here~ 612．Well, this person is me. 613．I took Zhang Min to see the sculpture exhibition at the Academy of Fine Arts, and hoped that she would understand Yiha’s art and adjust Yiha’s temperament, so as not to find such a bad boyfriend again.She walked all the way in front of all kinds of sculptures, excitedly, as if she hadn't woken up.Suddenly, she saw a female nude sculpture, her eyes lit up, and she began to comment: What kind of dick art~, look at this breast, the angle is so fake, just like Long's! 614．Zhang Min said to me, you must encourage me to wash my underwear, which is considered a major event accomplished today. 615．Zhang Min was trying on lipstick at "Maybelline". She felt that the lights at the head of the mall were red and red and she couldn't see clearly, so she pouted and went outside to see the effect. She randomly found the rearview mirror of the car, looked left and right, front and back She took a picture, suddenly felt that something was wrong, raised her head and saw two machine guns pointing at her in the dark!Two big men in full body armor stared at her intently!It turned out that she found a cash truck. 616．Zhang Min often fights famine now, and he will call me soon: Hurry up!Call me 2000 yuan!I was dragged to the edge of the street by the landlord! 617．She claims to be a libertarian enjoyment party. If she has 100 yuan left on her body, she will take a taxi to CITIC City Plaza to have a cup of Starbucks coffee, smoke an old captain cigar, and lean her feet on another chair to shake Ah, shaking, let the afternoon sun of the seaside city warmly sprinkle all over my body. 618．She actually had a job, but she resigned because she felt that the monthly salary was too low; she actually had a boyfriend who was engaged in interior decoration, and was well-known in Shenzhen. So... In the end, she thought that someone was forcing her to get married, and she said something wrong, so she put away her bag and moved out.Now I just eat and sleep in the roof, sleep and eat, spend a day in Internet cafes, Chinese games online, hoeing the earth, fighting for the top, fighting landlords, her rank is the director, and I am still unemployed.If you really don’t have any money, just give me or some of her buddies, and if you can’t get through it, call her house to ask for some money.I said: Dead man, what on earth do you want to do? !She lazily said: Don't do anything, go to become a monk when you are 45 years old! 619．The most embarrassing thing in my life is that once, I stole some beef from the kitchen, wrapped it in straw paper and hid in the front of the building to eat.I was eating deliciously, and suddenly found that Tang Waer was looking at me on the balcony on the first floor, laughing and laughing, my head "嗡—!" It exploded after a moment of haha: Oh my god, the prince charming in my heart!I actually saw me eating beef wrapped in straw paper with cowardly eyebrows and eyes! 620．For many years, whenever I think of this incident, I have to scream or sigh uncontrollably.If it wasn't for that time when I lost my pure and noble image in front of Tang Wa'er, hmph, that school belle might not have had a chance!Alas, I don't know what the trajectory of my life is?But last year, when I went back, I saw Tang Wa'er downstairs. He pushed up a doll. He was a lot older. He saw me smiling unnaturally. The most terrible thing was that he also started to take off his trousers. Outside tie!And it's a white sweater tucked into a pair of suit shorts! 621．I still remember the time when I was secretly in love with Tang Wa'er. Once, he said that in a few days, some of their friends wanted to go to the back mountain of Qingcheng to play.I heard it in my ears and kept it in my heart. I really wanted to follow him, and I really wanted to meet the lover of my dreams in a place with beautiful mountains and clear waters. 622．On that day, I extorted 20 yuan from my father and 20 yuan from my mother, and went to Xinnanmen Bus Station to catch a bus by myself, and also went to the back mountain of Qingcheng.The green mountains and green waters along the way are very beautiful, but I am not in the mood to watch them. I just search for Tang Wa'er and the others on the way up the mountain. 623．I searched and searched all the way, but couldn’t find it. I felt very sad. I used sharp stones to write all over the railings, pavilion heads, and steps: THF (an abbreviation for Tang Wa’er’s name Tang Hongfei), I’ve been here! THF, I've been here! THF, I've been here! Guangzhou (5) 624．People from all walks of life came out to pay New Year greetings to the citizens on TV during the Spring Festival. My mother and I sat on the bed happily to watch.Suddenly, a representative of a securities company appeared: I wish all shareholders a happy Chinese New Year!May all go well with you!Like a conditioned reflex, my mother spat out a sound of sticky phlegm: the weasel gave the chicken New Year's greetings!These turtle sons! 625．My dad and I walked around the street arm in arm warmly.Passing by a video store, my dad pulled me in, walked skillfully to the innermost counter, pointed to the body art disc inside and said: Look!So ugly!You are not allowed to look at these ha!I said: Oh, I live in the Academy of Fine Arts in Guangzhou, I don’t even want to see these things!I pulled him up and was about to go outside, but he pulled me back again: Hey!Are you saying that there are really bare buttocks inside? !I nodded.My dad said excitedly: Ugly, ugly!Ugly!I said, "It's ugly, don't look at it!"Pulling him to go outside again, he stood still and asked: Can I buy any of them?I said: Yes, do you want it, I will buy it for you!He was intimidated: no no no no!I am here to educate you, you are not allowed to read it! 626．How far we have gone, my dad is still looking back, and keeps saying in his mouth: How ugly!So ugly!No pants! 627．do you know?I actually bought a bottle of "Biotherm" face cream!It cost 245 yuan!It costs 390 yuan at the counter.It's all Doudou who whispers in my ears all day long: I'm already 25, and I don't need to order it. 628．After I came back, I put "Biotherm" on the table, burned three notes of incense, bowed three times, and started to use it: gently gouged out a small lump with my little finger, and wiped it on the left cheek with infinite love, um~!enjoy!I gently gouged out a small lump with my little finger, and wiped it on my right cheek with infinite love, woo~!Comfortable! 629．I closed my eyes and felt like I was floating in the air like the flying fairy on the Dunhuang murals, floating~, floating!After a while, I opened my eyes and came back to reality. I saw that the precious 50ML "Biotherm" had been dug out with two small holes. I feel distressed. Do you know what distress is? !I immediately covered the "Biotherm", put it back on the case, and bowed three more times. 630．However, I only smeared the left and right cheeks, what about the T-shaped area, forehead and chin?I am a genius, I know what to do, I still opened my dear Meijiajing CQ cream, gouged out a big lump, and applied it thickly on the places that have not been favored by "Biotherm". 631．It is said that the bird's nest is made of the saliva of petrels, so it is better to catch a petrel and kiss it every day. 632．One day, I didn't wear glasses, and I saw a little puppet standing beside the bicycle shed from a distance. It was very realistic, so I picked up a wooden stick and poked the puppet's face, hehe, it was fun!Unexpectedly, the little puppet cried "Wow!" and said, "Mom, someone hit me!" 633．I just got glasses in the first grade of junior high school. When I put the glasses on for the first time, I saw that the earth was tilted. The waiter said, "Don't be afraid, it's like this the first time you wear it, just wear it for a while!"I said, okay!Then I will try it first.I stumbled out of the optician's shop, "Dang—!" The group hit the glass at the door. 634．Last year when I was in Guangzhou, I threw away my glasses and went to an optical shop. Lao Guang was serious about his work, and he did both manual optometry and computer optometry, repeating several times.Finally, the master asked with a very complicated expression: How many years have you been wearing this prescription?I said: 11 years.He said: Your previous prescription was incorrect, myopia was 50 degrees more in the left eye, and astigmatism was 50 degrees more in the right eye! 635．I will never forget the day I got my new glasses: the correct prescription on my eyes, so cock-comfortable—! ! ! 636．Human beings have very limited understanding of their own body, and I will never know what size my bust should be.My mother once tried to lift up my clothes with a smile, wanting to know what Yiha looked like, but I yelled: "Playing hooligans"!Resolutely stopped, actually I don't know, what a good bra buying tutorial I lost. 637．It was last year again, and I was in Guangzhou again. I was selling underwear in a lingerie store, and I was a smart and capable Cantonese. Of course I was a woman. I scanned my bust with my eyes and gave me a number. I, I looked at it and said, isn't it?I have never worn such a large size!The Cantonese women said categorically, don't worry!Absolutely nothing wrong, I've been selling bras here for so long and haven't recommended a miss yet!I tried it, sure enough!Again: the dick is so comfortable——! ! !I came out of the fitting room excitedly, and said to the benefactor, please give me three, pink, white, and light blue! Guangzhou (6) 638．The entry of three correct bras into my life was announcing the end of history for the basketful of other bras I had worked so hard to accumulate.I called Zhang Min: Come on!I have a bunch of great bras for you to choose from! 639．A few days ago, I went to see Zhang Min. As soon as I entered the door, I saw that all the bras of my ex were hanging on her balcony, and they were still dripping, very kind. 640． "Wow--", the toilet was singing happily, I caught the roll of paper and tied my pants while smiling: finally it came out!Oh my god, every time I come to you, I will be constipated for three days!Zhang Min rushed over, snatched the mound of rolled paper, looked at it again and again, and criticized me seriously: Why are you still so extravagant and wasteful now, you son of a bitch? !Do you think that the underworld is messing with you!Take off the "Xinxiangyin" that I bought recently! 641．On the bed, Zhang Min touched me and asked: Is this your foot or your hand?I know my hands are a bit rough, but this sentence seriously hurt my self-esteem. 642．Zhang Min was too lazy to be sad, the clothes were piled up there and couldn't be washed.Tian Li is a hard-working person, and she is a little uncomfortable living with her, so she washes her clothes together every time she does the laundry.I have to criticize her every time, and finally she said one time, I have stopped letting Tian Li do my laundry!I said: You finally found out with your conscience——!She shook her head: No!She can't wash it clean! 643．Zhang Min's father has four uncles: Zhang Guofu, Zhang Guoan, Zhang Guoqi, and one, Leslie Cheung; her mother also has four concubines: Liu Deqing, Liu Deyun, Liu Defen, and one, Andy Lau. 644．I am ambitious to invite a group of friends to eat hot pot, and I greet everyone frequently: don’t be restrained, eat more, just order whatever you want!At the end of the checkout, I took out my China Merchants Bank card from Baotou and handed it to the cashier, but they returned it and said: Sorry, miss, this is a medical card. 645．One day, I went to eat at a Little Sheep Semicolon, and before I got close to it, it was more than 100 meters away, and I said that this restaurant must not work.In the end, it just didn’t work. I didn’t care how enthusiastically the manager came to ask for advice during the checkout. I said slowly: I’ll just say a few words, um, you can either close the shop or start over from scratch.His face was a bit ugly, so I stood up and picked up a few pieces of paper and continued: "It's really unpalatable, I'm going to suck it out right away!" 646．My dad called me: I plan to give you an hour of fatherly love.I called him, and he really gave almost an hour of fatherly love: he told his social experience again.I pretended to listen to it for the first time, which made him addicted, and then raised my hand to look at my watch: Dad, I still have something to do, will you give it to my father next time?He couldn't stop thinking: Gou Ri's dead baby is in a hurry every time. 647．There is always this sentence in his language, knowing the face but not the heart, it is difficult to paint the bones when painting a tiger.I finally couldn't bear it anymore, and said: Dad, your idea is outdated. You should treat people with sincerity and exchange hearts for hearts.I kept talking to my dad for a long time, not knowing what to say, the only time I hung up the phone without saying the closing words. 648．The conclusion is: eat more garlic, and look both ways when crossing the road. 649． "Zhu Zai Ji" and "Lao Zhu Ji" are two restaurants door to door. In "Zhu Zai Ji", if you say "eat", the waiter will invite you in with enthusiasm, but if you are a shit, Even if they are already sitting on the bench, the waiter will point to the "Lao Zhu Ji" next door with a numb expression. 650．The same is true for the "Lao Zhu Ji" next door: eat here, and shit over there. 651．In fact, I think the most meaningful thing is to steal a copy of Bingsheng’s recipes (their recipes have pictures), and when you send back a lunch box every day, you can eat while watching, relying on the recipes for meals, referred to as “reliable”. 652．Zhang Min has a special ability, he can quickly order the most unpalatable dish in any restaurant. 653．The little pervert said on MSN: You are the only celebrity I know in my life, and you are also the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. I may blush when I see you now, and I am so nervous... I squatted on the chair, squatting With my eyes closed, I spit out a puff of camellia smoke from 45 degrees in the air: Hee hee, it’s easy to say, I’m so low-key, I’m yearning for a normal life in the world~!Hee hee hee hee hee hee!Oh ha ha ha ha ha!Chirp chirp chirp! ... 654．The little pervert's expression turned positive: Isn't it cool? !give me money.I hurriedly bargained: let me touch my chest.The little pervert said: No, twice! Guangzhou (7) 655．Doudou bought breast stickers and gave them to Zhang Min, because these two lunatics are going to dance at night, each with a suspender to expose their clothes.The dance was so fierce that Zhang Min said loudly and forcefully to Doudou at the head of the dance floor: Mom, hey!Lao Tzu's chest stickers seem to have escaped!Doudou replied loudly and vigorously: I have already taken off half of my hair!The two of them returned to their seats, feeling really uncomfortable.Then, sitting on the seats, everyone stretched out their hands to pull under the clothes, and Zhang Min's boyfriend was so scared that he stood up and blocked them with his body: alas!You two should be gentler! 656．When going to the shopping mall, there are often some people who don’t know where they got out. Without saying a word, they come up to hug their feet and squeeze a mound of shoe polish on them, then press there and wipe them, and finally say with a hippie smile, buy Take care of it!Only 28 yuan!Once, a shoe polish seller was about to rush towards me, and I dodged to the side very dexterously, "Zi——!" He squeezed the shoe polish on the ground. 657．I would very much like to see what a coat made of nine-color buckskin looks like. 658．I had a warm and romantic night - I lit two IKEA scented candles, walked around in the dark, and thought about some ultimate questions in life: Damn, pay attention to the meter in the future, there is no electricity To hurry to buy. 659．In order to commemorate the Auschwitz concentration camp, I had a dream: Among the fleeing refugees, a group of people were walking hard.My hard-working husband drove the ox cart and was silent.I sat on it, lip balm in my hand.On the bullock cart are my dear Gree Xiaojindou air conditioner, Rongsheng small refrigerator, LG4 just bought, 2 kg Shuanglishen washing machine, and finally 77, Xiaohuang, Xiaohei and a small bag of cat food.The sky is so dark, the distance is vast, where is my home? 660．The car was speeding fast on the road, and suddenly a motorcycle came out of the sideways, braked suddenly, and the car turned belly up when it stopped, and rolled forward a few times!Yang Yifei and Lu Jia stayed in the car on all fours, and slowly climbed out from the shattered car window.In particular, Yang Yifei found that apart from messing up his hairstyle, he didn't even fall off his glasses.When the police rushed over, they saw them standing on the side of the road and handing out melons, so they said, "Let's go!"What's so good about this! 661．Zuzu is my grandfather's mother, she is 98 years old.From winter to spring this year, she was ill and invited a doctor to come to the house to hang her life.As a result, the doctor saw how old he was, so he didn't dare to do anything. Zu Zu said slowly on the bed: grandson!Just see some medicine!Have to lose your medicine money! 662．Back then, when I was just born, my ancestor was only in his seventies, with a strong body and bold behavior.She came from Xiangbatou to take care of Yuezitou's granddaughter-in-law, that is, my mother.When she was in the hospital, she had many opinions that were contrary to the doctor's, for example, forcibly giving me a cold shower, forcibly binding my legs, shaving my hair, and painting ginger on it, etc.But these are nothing. Once, her old man cooked poached eggs on a kerosene stove next to the oxygen bottle, which really shocked everyone. The security department of the hospital organized everyone to evacuate in an orderly manner, and then sent the bravest person to rush up Pushing away the oxygen bottle, her old man was still scooping up a ladle of soup in the pot, tasted it, um, and added some sugar. 663．The picture posted on the wall of a certain beauty salon in Wuyang New Village. The person on the top who trims the sagging breasts is really a man. I won’t lie to you. I watched it carefully for 10 minutes. 664．The exhibition of human cadaver specimens came to Guangzhou, and I always heard people say that people vomited and fainted on the spot, so I rushed to see it excitedly.As soon as I walked in, I hurriedly looked closely at the separated thigh muscles on the specimen. Unexpectedly, my mouth began to secrete saliva, and at the same time, I developed an appetite. I began to miss the pork jerky in Gulangyu, Xiamen. That pork jerky is the best. Eat it, it’s a pity that I bought less at that time——! ! 665．Picking flowers in the morning and picking them up in the evening means washing the clothes in the morning and taking them back in the evening. 666．There is a street pavilion opposite the garbage station, and a woman lives in it.She scoured the dump for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and some rags to keep out of the cold.During the day, she sang in the gazebo after she was full, and it was a bit nice, like a folk song in a certain dialect. Occasionally, she could be seen dancing to her own singing. The dance was not very moving, but she danced with enthusiasm.At night, she sleeps on the stone bench in the gazebo. The stone bench is very narrow. She sleeps on her side, and she still has some exquisite curves. 667．One day, I was writing at the top of the house, and I heard her singing again, pure and passionate, the voice was getting farther and farther away, and she didn't know which building she went around. Guangzhou (8) 668．In the past two days, Guangzhou has been dry and there has been no rain, but it is still a bit cold at night.I have two sleeping bags, both of which are old, but I sewed up the broken parts carefully, so I can give her a bed.But what if it rains?Passing by the gazebo today, I saw that she hadn't gotten up yet, holding the quilt far away, hesitating, wondering if she should disturb her sweet dreams. 669．This Spring Festival, we played together, I brought my mother, and everyone dared not smoke.小平坐在对面，悄悄伸出两根指头，然后指了指厕所，我心领神会，站起来对她说：走，我们去解个手！没想到我妈也从座位上跳起来：走嘛，我也去！ 670．算好午夜12点，给满30的朋友打祝贺电话。我在MSN上垒了一堆笑脸、蛋糕、鲜花、香吻之类的，一到12点，就准时发过去！我朋友平时稳得那么梆老的人，居然哇的一声哭了，当然是MSN的图标代替的哈，而且，还幽怨的说了一句：老了。 671．最后，他问我，是不是看着家里的钟给他发的生日祝贺，我说，是啊。他说，你家里的钟不对，慢了5分钟。 672．附近起码已经有三个人在暗恋我了。1、食堂边上的洗头房里的洗头小弟，我每次走过他都在扫地上的发渣，而且每次都会抬起头看我一眼，一直看到我转弯。2、买水果的小弟，有一次我挑选桔子的时候，他向我表白了：像你这样的靓女就少算一点，1毛1就不收了！3、还有就是大门口“东方眼镜”的几个哥哥，他们都很爱我，都争着给我清洗眼镜。其中一个更是特别热情的向我要电话，我欣欣然答应，说，写在哪儿啊？他恭恭敬敬递上一张纸，说，顾客联系栏。 673．经过水果摊的时候，我猛然把男朋友的手甩开，说，别让那个卖水果的小男孩看见了，他最近在暗恋我，看见了会伤心的。我男朋友说，好呗，就走开了。 674．都说广州治安乱的很，我也怕。昨天一个人跑到越秀公园，就遭一个男的跟踪了，他看上去最多20岁，穿着牛仔裤、背心，背心还撩起来露出肚子，典型一个流氓！我吓疼了，马上站起来往人多的地方跑，一边跑还一边往后面看，他也在跟着我跑!我跑啊跑，他也跑啊跑，我往哪里跑他也往哪里。终于在一个人多的地方，我停下来，气喘吁吁的看着跑上来的歹徒，看他怎么敢当众强奸我！snort! 675．他跑上来，递给我一把伞：小、小姐！这是、是你的伞吧？我脸“腾”地就红了，居然说了一句粤语：……唔该你。 676．广州这边的人们无论谈论什么，结尾一般都是这样两句话：1、这个世界很难讲的！2、自己开心就好！还有两句话是：1、这个世界很复杂！2、生活可以很简单! 677．吃桂林米粉，多交一块钱，可以加酸笋、或者花生或者酸豆角。记住——！千万不要在开始就多交这一块钱，那样老板会加在你的碗头，本来就满满的一碗米粉了，放少点儿也看不出来。我一般是米粉端上来了，才交一元钱，这时老板会拿个盘子装了端上来给你。盘盘空捞捞的，老板怎么也不好意思给得太少了，那样不好看，所以份量比加在碗头的要多得多。 678．老大昨天晚上说要订房。小平和其它几个业务经理、楼面主管、小姐、金威妹等等在夜总会门口一字排开，欢迎——欢迎！——热烈欢迎！老大里面穿了件花衬衣，西装外头搭在肩头，另一个肩头还扛了瓶10斤装的人头马XO，嘿凿嘿凿的，还不忘腾出只手向各位挥挥手，潇洒地说：大家好——！大家辛苦了——！ 679．老大长得有点黑、有点胖、有点矮，但是在深圳月之光夜总会各位工作人员的心目中是尊活佛。小平说，人家老大的手机造型之奇特，国内绝对没有，是乌龟形的，咚大！人家都是最后发小费，老大一来就发，笑嘻嘻的喊大家先润到，最后再发一次，再润一次。老大房里的姑娘个个像刚刚敷完补水面膜，脸色滋润得吓人。老大喝多了就要摆点儿知心龙门阵，说，哎呀！我这一辈子，啥子都没有就是有钱！destiny! 广州(9) 680．露露说，老大一次喊我先去希尔顿房间等他，塞了一把钱给我，老子高兴疼了！跑到酒店把门关上跳到床上数钱，狗日的，给了我8000多！老子笑眯了去浴缸头泡起，还倒了杯红酒放在边边上，结果老大打了个电话来说，看你遭灌酒灌得吓人，好生休息，我就不来了。 681．大家起哄喊老大把10斤装的人头马XO开了大家喝，他慢条斯理地说，不！我要拿回家的！先在这儿摆一摆，好看！果然又扛回去了。 682．一直以为广州有条“数钱路”，对此我有着无限的憧憬。今天才知道那条叫“署前路”，无限惆怅。 683．我去银行取钱，柜台的职员是个中年妇女，看见我惊异地“咦～”了一声。她说：我认识你妈妈，你小时候我去过你们家～！说完，她还拿出一张照片，照片上面是我和她的合影，我那时还是个小孩子。这时，她温柔地说，你都长这么大啦，来，阿姨给你唱首歌……她通过银行的对话话筒，轻柔地唱：军港的夜啊，静悄悄～，海风把～战舰轻轻地～摇～吾～嗯～嗯…… 684．全银行的人都静下来，一起听，大家的脸色都变得梦幻起来，也一起吾～嗯～嗯…… 685．去巩俐家作客，她家有无敌海景，但是家具和装饰很粗俗。她招呼我：来来来妹儿，不要客气哈，吃点水果。我说：姐姐，你的胸不是做的嘛？她假装生气：不要听外面那些龟儿子乱说，老子当然是货真价实的咯！来，你摸一哈！ 686．我妈坐在堂屋里，穿着一件千娇百媚的白纳裙，捧着一本书。我说：妈，你在做啥子？ !我妈好像去整了容一样，脸上一点皱纹都没有了，身材也苗条，她娇滴滴地说：你妈我准备去选美，现在要补点文化课，看嘛，我在看金庸。 687．我在湖中采莲，白衣飘飘，青烟缭绕，沙鸥远歌。我轻轻撑着小舟，微启朱唇唱道：江南可采莲，莲叶何田田。鱼戏莲叶间,鱼戏莲叶东,鱼戏莲叶西,鱼戏莲叶南,鱼戏莲叶北……这个时候，有个帅哥，居然还是个金发碧眼的外国人！他从湖边伸个脑壳出来说：哎呀，你们中国的风景很美，但是话太罗嗦啦～！鱼戏莲叶东南西北，一句话，难道不更简练一点吗？ 688．把撑杆一竖，横着眉毛说：你懂个锤子你懂！ 689． ————是D，都是梦。 690．去排档吃麻辣烫，一个女孩儿捡了几串菜递给老板，说：唔该！不要辣、不要麻、不要醋、不要葱、不要蒜、不要酸豆角、不要花生！thanks!老板说，知道啦!又来问我，你不要什么？我说：啥子都要，多放葱多放酸多放酸豆角多放花生米！他又问：辣是中辣还是小辣？我说：超级无敌大旋风金刚钻麻辣！ 691．叫了桂林米粉的外卖，送来之后发现里面的外卖条子写道：4元酸辣两份、加一元花生、美院19栋101 、美女。我的心沸腾了！我的热泪盈眶！我的嘴唇哆嗦了！谢谢你，桂林米粉店的、眼光精准的人们。 692．我走在路上，深情地哼唱着一首歌曲：好又多啊好又多，你让生活多欢畅！好又多啊好又多，我们生活需要你～！这种演唱声情并茂地持续了半个钟头，我依然欲罢不能，一字一句口吐白沫：好！again!many!啊～！it is good!again!many! ……当我呕血唱出“我们生活需要你”的时候，我不得不扇了自己一耳光。叭～！演唱终于停止了。 693．有一家超市叫做“好又多”，丧尽天良地在卖场里面反复播放的店歌：《好又多啊好又多》。 694．没有什么比夜晚中辗转难眠更让人伤感了，我裹紧了外套，站在深圳的夜风中，腹中咕嘟作声、双眼泪眼朦胧。朋友们，你们吃晚饭的时候不要学我，吃得太多……哪怕是高级饭店的自助餐。 695．窗户有一种异常的响动，一个男人像蜘蛛人那样出现在窗外！我吓得从椅子上跳起来躲在铁皮柜后面，这位男士可能也觉得这样的亮相比较惊悚，于是安慰我说:小姐别怕，我是修水管的。 广州(10) 696．我马上递了一张抹布给修水管的先生：请帮我擦擦玻璃，外面我一直够不找～谢谢！ 697．在外出就餐时，我和小变态总有一场抢吃PK，为了分散对方的战斗力，我和她在开吃前都会采取一些小措施。她会瞪着眼睛对我说：你去死～！……然后再小心翼翼问我：有没有觉得心情不好啦？是不是吃不下太多啦？我安详得犹如入定的瑜伽老师：没有，我很好，谢谢。 698．我会佯装关心问她：乖，你是不是很饿？要不要先吃一块黄金大饼？她眨巴着精光四射的大眼睛：不～！我要吃肉～！但有一次，她吃了黄金大饼，但是之后反而吃得更多……我知道，她主要是想用实力羞辱我。 699．要上肉了，小变态说:格格，你上不上厕所？我说：我很想上，但是也要等吃完。她说：这样憋着对身体不好。我说：我待会抢不过你，不仅对身体不好，对精神也不好。thanks. 700．把肉已经下到锅里，我问小变态：说说你要去欧洲的行程吧！她两只眼只看着锅，筷子举在半空，严肃又狰狞地说：不要理我！不要和我说话！ !我要开始吃东西了！ ! ! 701．我艰难地用手插着腰，体会着孕妇腹中沉重之感，腰已经只能直上直下，呼吸困难兼口齿不清：我、我、我宣布：退出吃坛～！小变态夹起一筷子羊肉，嘻嘻一笑：我还没有感觉，嘻嘻。我们一行几人很想现场解剖小变态，看看这些如大江东去的食物究竟在这个窄小的身体中遁向何方。 702．我终于想起最后一个招数:小变态，今天不是我请客哈，要AA的，您要不要再来一份羊肉？小变态终于抬起头来：算了，那就这样吧。 703．小变态向我表达敬仰之情，她说：格格，你真了不起～，作为一个曾经丢过500元的人，居然还能活下来！