Chapter 8 The Story of the Quarrel Between Ivan Ivanovich and Ivan Nikiforovich - Chapter VII

the last chapter "Ah! Good morning. Why are you teasing the dog?" Ivan Nikiforovitch said to Anton Prokofievitch when he saw him; When Vicky spoke, he could only speak in a humorous way. "Woe to them all! Who teased them?" replied Anton Prokofievitch. "You lied." "Indeed, I'm not lying! Pyotr Fyodorovitch invited you to lunch." "Humph." "Really! He begged you so earnestly, with indescribable enthusiasm, and said: What's the matter? Ivan Nikiforovitch hates me so much, and regards me as an enemy. He never comes to my house to talk, or to sit for a while."

Ivan Nikiforovitch stroked his chin. "He said: I don't know what to think if Ivan Nikiforovitch doesn't come this time. He must have some prejudice against me: Anton Prokofirovitch, yes. Come on, go and persuade Ivan Nikiforovitch! How do you look, Ivan Nikiforovitch? Let's go! There's a very educated crowd there now!" Ivan Nikiforovitch began to look at a rooster standing on the steps, puffing out its neck and crowing loudly. "Ivan Nikiforovitch," went on the eager messenger, "if only you could know what kind of crocodile meat and what kind of fresh caviar were sent to Pyotr Fyodorovitch's house!"

Having said this, Ivan Nikiforovitch turned his head and began to listen attentively. This encouraged the messenger. "Come on. Foma Grigolinavich is there too! How are you?" he added, seeing that Ivan Nikiforovitch was still lying in the same position. "How? To go or not to go?" "I don't want to go." This did not intend to greatly astonish Anton Prokofievitch.He originally thought that his earnest persuasion must have touched the heart of this respectable man, but unexpectedly he heard these firm words: I don't want to go. "Why don't you want to go?" he asked, almost indignantly, an attitude which he rarely showed, not even when burning paper was placed on his head. , and the judge and the mayor are especially fond of entertaining this kind of bad show.

Ivan Nikiforovitch took a pinch of snuff. "Do as you please, Ivan Nikiforovitch, I wonder what has stopped you?" "Why should I go?" said Ivan Nikiforovitch at last. "The robber will go there too!" He usually called Ivan Ivanovitch a robber.Just God, but not so long ago..." "Really, he will not go: I swear to the Holy God that he will never go! If I tell lies, let the thunder strike me on the spot!" Anton Prokofievich replied ; he was going to swear ten times in an hour. "Come on, Ivan Nikiforovich!" "But you lied, Anton Prokofievitch, there he is."

"Really, really, he's not here! If he's there, I'll be punished by God to stand here forever without moving an inch! Think to yourself, why should I lie! Make my hands and feet useless, can't Move! . . . Why, don't you believe me now? Tell me to fall dead in front of you at once! Tell my father, mother, and even myself not to see the kingdom of heaven! Don't you believe?" Ivan Nikiforovich was so relieved by these assurances that he ordered his valet in a frivolous frock coat to bring his trousers and a homespun jacket. I think it is quite superfluous to describe how Ivan Nikiforovich put on his trousers, how he was tied in a cravat, and finally how he put on his jacket with a piece of the left sleeve.Suffice it to say that he remained moderately calm during the whole time, and did not reply a word to Anton Prokofievich's suggestion of something in exchange for his Turkish pipe.

At this juncture, the party was eagerly awaiting the decisive moment when Ivan Nikiforovitch would suddenly appear and everyone's wish for a reconciliation between the two respectable men would finally be fulfilled.It was almost decided by many that Ivan Nikiforovitch would not come.The mayor even made a bet with squint-eyed Ivan Ivanovich that he would not come.But because Ivan Ivanovich asked the other party to bet on a wounded leg and himself on a squint eye, the bet failed, which made the mayor very angry, and everyone couldn't help laughing. sound.Neither of them sat down at the table, although it was already two o'clock, and at this time in Mirgrad, even if there was a festival, it was time to eat lunch.

As soon as Anton Prokofievich appeared at the door, he was immediately surrounded by everyone.Anton Prokofievich yelled loudly, and answered all the questions with a few firm words: "He won't come!" These words just came out, and in order to punish him for having violated his mission, reprimand, Abusive words, and perhaps a lot of chestnuts, rained down on him, but suddenly the door opened, and in came Ivan Nikiforovitch. The apparition of the devil or of the dead would not have caused such extreme consternation among the whole crowd as had been caused by the unexpected appearance of Ivan Nikiforovitch.Anton Prokofievich, having played a joke on everyone, was delighted;

At any rate, it was almost unbelievable to everyone that Ivan Nikiforovitch was able to dress neatly and like a respectable gentleman in such a short time.Coincidentally at this time Yi Ji.Ivanovich wasn't there; he was out on business.Slowly the crowd awoke from their astonishment, and went up to inquire about Ivan Nikiforovitch's health, and said they were very glad to see him gain weight.Ivan Nikiforovitch kissed everyone and said: "Thank you, thank you." At this moment, the smell of beetroot soup wafted through the room, making the noses of the hungry guests feel itchy, Very good.Everyone crowded into the dining room.A long line of ladies, loquacious and taciturn, thin and fat, stalked forward, and a table was dazzled with lights of every color.I'm not going to describe what dishes were brought to the table!I'm not mentioning fried buns dipped in sour cream, fried offal eaten with beet soup, turkey stuffed with plums and raisins, a dish shaped like a boot soaked in ale, and the peerless dish known as the old-fashioned cook. The sauce was made, which was brought to the table surrounded by a flame of alcohol, and which amused and frightened the ladies at the same time.I'm not going to talk about these dishes because I'd rather eat them than blah blah blah blah.Ivan Ivanovich usually likes to eat vegetables and boiled fish, and he concentrates on this beneficial and nutritious operation.He took a look: God, how strange this is!Opposite him sat Ivan Nikiforovitch.At the same instant Ivan Nikiforovich looked up! ... No, I can't describe it! ...give me another expressive pen!My pen is weak and rigid, and it is so untasteful to paint this picture!Their surprised faces seemed petrified.Each of them saw a face they had known for a long time. Seeing such a face, you couldn't help but go up to it, like approaching a friend you meet by chance, and send him the snuff-box. Say: "Please" or "May I have a favor"; but at the same time, the same face is terrible, like a bad omen!Sweat fell like raindrops from Ivan Ivanovitch and Ivan Nikiforovitch.All the guests sitting in front of the dining table were fascinated by clay sculptures and wood carvings, and their eyes never left the pair of former good friends.The ladies, who were talking about the very interesting topic of how to prepare the capon, suddenly interrupted the conversation.There was no sound all around!This is a picture worthy of the stroke of a great painter's brush!Ivan Ivanovitch finally took out his handkerchief and blew his nose; and Ivan Nikiforovitch, looking around, stopped his eyes on the open door.The mayor immediately noticed this movement, and ordered the door to be shut.In this way, the two friends munched with their heads down, and never looked at each other again.

Just after dinner, two former good friends jumped up from their seats and started looking for hats, intending to slip away.At this moment the mayor lost his eyes, and Ivan Ivanovich, not that Ivan Ivanovich, but the other squinting one, went to stand behind Ivan Nikiforovich The mayor also came up behind Ivan Ivanovitch, and the two began to push them from behind, trying to keep them close together, and not letting go until they had shaken hands.The squinting Ivan Ivanovitch, though a little to one side, succeeded in pushing Ivan Nikiforovitch to the spot where Ivan Ivanovitch was standing; But the commander was too far to the side, because he couldn't control the infantry who acted without authorization, and this time the infantry refused to obey the command at all, as if it was deliberately embarrassing, he flung it out, and it was thrown away. very far away, and completely in the opposite direction (probably because of the abundance of liqueurs on the table), Ivan Ivanovich fell on a And sneaked into the body of the lady in red clothes who came from the crowd.This is not a good sign.But the judge, trying to salvage the situation, sniffed all the snuff from his upper lip and, acting in the mayor's place, pushed Ivan Ivanovich to the other side.In Mirgrad this is the prevailing method of mediation.This method is a bit like kicking a football.The judge had just pushed Ivan Ivanovich forward, and the squinting Ivan Ivanovich also exerted all his strength, and Ivan Nikki, who was sweating profusely like rain from the eaves, Forovich pushed over.Though the two friends refused to reconcile to the death, they were at last brought together, for both parties in action were greatly reinforced by the many other guests.

At this time.The waiting people surrounded them tightly from all sides, and they refused to let go of them until they agreed to extend their hands to each other. "God bless you, Ivan Nikiforovich and Ivan Ivanovich! In good conscience. Why do you quarrel? Isn't it about some trivial matter? You are before everyone, before God , don't you feel ashamed!" "I don't know," gasped Ivan Nikiforovitch (apparently he was not very much against conciliation): "I don't know how I have offended Ivan Ivanovitch; Why did he knock down my goose shed and plot to take my life?"

"I have done nothing wrong," said Ivan Ivanovitch, without looking at Ivan Nikiforovitch. "I swear before God and before all honorable gentlemen, I have done nothing to my enemy. Why should he insult me, and do harm to my rank and identity?" "How have I hurt you, Ivan Ivanovitch?" said Ivan Nikiforovitch.Just one more minute of explanation and years of feuds would melt away.Ivan Nikiforovitch was already reaching into his pocket for the snuffbox, and said: "Please." "Is that not an injury?" replied Ivan Ivanovitch, without raising his eyes. "My good sir, you have forgotten that you have insulted my title and family name by a word which is inconvenient to mention here." "Allow me to speak to you personally, Ivan Ivanovich!" (While speaking, Ivan Nikiforovich touched one of Ivan Ivanovich's buttons with his finger button, which shows that he was well-meaning) "God knows what pissed you off so much) because I called you a gander..." As soon as Ivan Nikiforovitch said these two words I realized that I was too careless in my words; but it was too late: the words were spoken like wind, and it was too late to regret. Everything came to naught! And if Ivan Ivanovich should lose his temper when no one was around when he uttered those two words, may God help us not to see anyone so angry as he is, then, dear reader, Please think about it, now that these fatal words are being uttered in public, in front of so many ladies, and Ivan Ivanovich is particularly fond of pretending to be gentle in front of them, which is why What kind of situation should this be?If Ivan Nikiforovitch hadn't been so rash and had only said "bird" instead of "goose," the matter could have been salvaged. But──everything is over! He cast a glance at Ivan Nikiforovitch—and what a glance!Had this glimpse been given the power to act, it would have reduced Ivan Nikiforovitch to ashes.The guests understood the glance and hastened to separate them.And this man, this model of gentleness and goodness who would not spare a beggar woman without asking her pain, ran out in a terrible rage.Lust can cause such a violent storm! For a whole month nothing was heard of Ivan Ivanzhuvich.He is shut up in his own home.The ancestral box was opened, what came out of the box?coin!Ancient, ancestral coins!But these coins passed into the smudged hands of the scrivener.The case moved to the High Court.Only when Ivan Ivanovitch received the happy news that the case was to be pronounced tomorrow did he cast a glance at the outside world and make up his mind to get out of the room.well!Since then, the court has notified every day that the case will be closed tomorrow, and it has continued for ten years! Five years ago, I drove through the city of Mirgrad.It was the bad season when I went.It was autumn, and autumn is associated with gloomy and wet weather, mud and fog.A kind of unnatural green, dull, and the product of constant rain is covering the fields and ridges like a thin net. This green is so unsuitable for the fields and ridges, just like an old man coquettishly, Like old women wearing roses.The weather had a profound effect on me at the time: when it was dull, I was dull.But in spite of this, as I approached Mirgrad in my car, I felt a pounding of my heart, and God, how many memories were running through my head!I have not seen Mirgolla for twelve years.Back then, there had been two rare characters here, two rare friends, living in a touching friendship.How many famous people died!Judge Demyan Demyanovich was dead at that time; Ivan Ivanovitch, squint-eyed, was dead long ago.I drove along the main street, and saw some poles with straw handles on the top: what kind of new design plan is being implemented!Several huts were demolished.The remains of walls and fences loomed bleakly. It was a festival that day, and I parked my van covered with straw mats in front of the church, and I walked in quietly, so no one said anything.In fact, it is impossible for anyone to look back.The church is empty.Only a handful of people.Apparently, even the most godly believers are intimidated by the muddy streets.The light of a few candles was strange and uncomfortable on this cloudy, rather languid day; the dim verandah was gloomy; teardrop.I went to the verandah and said to a gray-haired respectable old man: "Excuse me, I want to ask you, is Ivan Nikiforovich still alive?" The long burning lamp burned brighter with a snap, and the light fell straight on my neighbor's face.How surprised I was when I took a closer look and saw such a familiar face!The person in front of him is Ivan.Nikiforovich!But what a change! "Are you all right, Ivan Nikiforovitch? You look much older!" "Yes, old and useless. I just came from Poltava today." "What are you talking about! Are you going to Poltava in such bad weather?"--"What can you do! A lawsuit..." Hearing this, I couldn't help sighing.Ivan Nikiforovitch noticed the sigh, and said: "Don't worry, I have the definite news that the case will be decided next week, and of course I will win it." I shrugged my shoulders and went away again. To inquire about Ivan Ivanovich. "Here is Ivan Ivanovitch:" I was told, "he was in the choir." That's when I saw a thin figure.Is this Ivan Ivanovich?His face was covered with wrinkles, and his hair was completely white; however, the leather jacket was still the same.After the first few pleasantries, Ivan Ivanovich turned to me with the wide smile that always suited his funnel-shaped face so well, and said: "Shall I tell you some good news? ""What news?" I asked. "My case must be decided to-morrow. Definite news from the court." With a deeper sigh, I bade him good-bye, as I was going out this time on a very important business, so I got into the caravan again. The lean steeds, famous for their swift horses in Mirgolla, rode on, their hoofs sinking deep in the gray mud, making a noise that was unpleasant to the ear.The rain poured down on the straw-matted Jew sitting on the driver's platform.Nirvana permeated my whole body.The bleak checkpoint and the sentry box with a crippled soldier mending his armor slowly flashed by.It was the same open country that had been darkly dug in some places, green in others, dripping with rooks and crows, incessant rain, a dull weeping sky. ──Everyone, this world is really boring!