Chapter 9 coat

In the Ministry...but don't say which one is better.Nothing is more prone to temper tantrums than various ministries, regiments, offices, in a word, all kinds of civil servants.Now each individual person.Everyone thinks that to insult him is to insult the whole society.It is said that recently a county police chief, I don’t remember which county he was from, handed in a petition, which clearly stated that the law and order of the country were on the verge of jeopardy, and his sacred official name was ruined at will.As evidence, he appended to his submission a thick volume of legendary history, with a county police chief appearing every ten pages) and in some places he was very drunk.Therefore, in order to avoid unpleasantness, we might as well call the department we are here dealing with a certain department.In this way, in a certain ministry, there was a certain official who had served as a post. This official was not a very remarkable person. He was short in stature, had a few pockmarks, his hair was a little red, his eyes seemed to be a little blurry, and his forehead was bald. There is a small lump, the cheeks on both sides are full of wrinkles, and his face makes people suspect that he has hemorrhoids... What can I do!This is not the Petersburg climate.As for the official title (because we have to explain the official title here), well, he is a so-called ninth-rank civil servant all his life. You know that all kinds of writers have admirable habit of bullying people who can't bite. These people are ridiculed and ridiculed without hesitation.The official's name was Baschmachkin.From this word alone, we know that it was originally changed from Baschmark; but in which year, when, and how it was changed from Baschmark, there is no way to check.His father, grandfather, even his brother-in-law, and all the Baschmachkins wore high boots, which were changed two or three times a year.His name is: Akaki Akakiyevich.Readers may think this name is a bit weird and ingenious, but I can guarantee that no one has searched for it, but it has evolved to this point naturally, and no other name can be given to him anyway.This is how it happened: Akaky Akakiyevich was born, if I remember correctly, in the middle of the night of the twenty-third of March.The late mother, the official's wife, a virtuous woman, was ready to baptize the child.The mother was still lying on a bed opposite the door.On the right stood the godfather, an exceptionally good man, Ivan Ivanovich Yeroshkin, head of the Privy Council; and the godmother, the wife of the inspector, a woman of rare virtue, Arina Semyonovna Beloblyushkova.The mother was given three names, and she was allowed to choose one: Mokia, Socia, or the child after the martyr Hozdazat. "No," thought the deceased, "all such nasty names." The calendar was turned to another place to please her; and three more names appeared: Triferi, Dula, and Valahasi. "How lovely," said the old woman, "what kind of names are they all, I have never heard such a name, to tell the truth. Ferry, Valahashee, another page--Bavsikahi and Wahjishi appear. "Yes, yes, I see," said the old woman, "it must be his destiny.In that case, let's call him by his father's name.The father's name is Akaki, so the son should be called Akaki too. "And so there was Akakiy Akakiyevich. The boy was baptized; at the same time he wept and made a face, as if he knew in advance that he was going to be a civil servant. That's it. The whole story. We have explained it this way so that readers can understand that the trend of things had to be like this, and it was absolutely impossible to give him another name. In what year and when did he enter the ministry? Who recommended it, no one remembers it. No matter how many ministers and various officers there are, he is always seen sitting in the same place, in the same position, in the same position, always a copyist. .so it was later believed that he must have been born in uniform, bald, and intact) The people in the Ministry showed no respect for him. Not only did the gatekeeper not stand up when he passed by , didn't even glance at him, just like an ordinary fly flying through the reception room. The officers treated him coldly and aggressively. A deputy section chief kept bringing the document to his nose without saying a word. Say: "Please copy it again," or: "Here is a very interesting case file," or add

①Yakaki is the child's real name, and Akakiyevich is his father's name, which means the son of Akaki. Some of the sweet things that are often said in educated institutions.He took it with one hand, his eyes only on the official document, and he didn't look at who handed it to him, whether he had the right to do so.He took it and copied it by hand.The young officials, with all their civil servant wit, laughed at him, sarcasm, and told all sorts of fabricated stories about him, about his landlady, a seventy-year-old woman, that the landlady beat him, Asked them how we got married, and sprinkled pieces of paper on his head, saying it was snowing.However, Akakiy Akakiyevich did not answer a word, as if no one was before him; this did not even affect his work: during the quarrel he did not miss a word.Unless the joke is too strong, when someone touches his arm) hinders his work, he will say: "Let me be quiet, why are you bullying me?" There was something unfathomable in that voice.In this voice, one could hear something pitiful. A young man who had just taken office, who wanted to make fun of him just like others, suddenly stopped as if he had been stung. , as if everything had changed in front of him, becoming quite different from before.Some kind of magical power made him alienate those colleagues who had been in close contact with him before as respectable and upper-class people.For a long time to come, at the happiest moment, he would think of the little official with a small bald spot on his forehead and his heart-rending words: "Let me be quiet, why are you bullying me?" ?” And amidst these heartrending words another was heard: “I am your brother.” So the poor young man covered his face with his hands, and later in his life, when he See how much fickleness there is in people, among the elegant, well-bred, upper-class gentlemen, my God!How many times he could not help trembling, even at times when there were so many savages hidden among what the world recognized as noble and upright.

It's hard to find another man as dedicated to his duties as he is.To say he served enthusiastically would be an understatement; no, he served with love.In copying he saw a world of variety and delight.Pleasure was on his countenance; there were a few letters which were so dear to him, and as soon as he wrote them he was captivated: he laughed, winked, moved his lips, and so the sight of his face, as if he could guess every letter he drew.If he had been rewarded according to his diligence, he would have surprised himself, maybe he would have become a fifth-rank civil servant; but, as his mean colleagues said, he had earned two careers and no problems.However, it cannot be said that he has never paid the slightest attention.A minister, who was a good man, wanted to reward him for his long years of service, and ordered him to do something more important than ordinary copying;.It is to ask him to draft an official letter and send it to another yamen based on the official business that has been completed; the thing is to just change the paragraph and change a few verbs from the first person to the third person.It took him so much effort, and he was sweating all over. He wiped the sweat from his forehead and finally said, "No, let me copy something." Copy this line out.It was as if nothing existed for him except copying.He hadn't paid any attention to his clothes: his uniform was not green, but a reddish-brown grayish one.His collar is narrow and short, so although his neck is not long, it protrudes from the collar, which looks particularly long, like a dozen or so foreign peddlers living in Russia shaking their heads on their heads, The same plaster cast as the neck of a kitten.Moreover, there is always something stuck to his uniform: either a straw or a thread; plus he has a special ability, every time he walks on the street, he always hits the trash when people throw rubbish. The window passed by, so there were always watermelon rinds, cantaloupe rinds and other messy things hanging on his hat.Never in his life had he once in his life noticed what was going on in the street every day, and it was known that his fellow officials, the young officials, always paid attention to it, and their mobile eyes were so keenly developed that it was even possible to see A shoe strap loosens under someone's trousers across the pavement, often bringing a sly grin to their faces)

However, if Akakiy Akakiyevich looked at anything, he saw only his own clear and neat writing, and only when a horse came running from nowhere and put its head on his shoulder. When a gust of wind was blown from his nostrils to his cheek, he realized that he was not in the middle of the lines, but in the middle of the street.As soon as he got home, he immediately sat down at the table and drank white wine. ①In the old days, people had a habit of dragging a belt under the trousers to bind them and prevent them from rolling up when walking. Vegetable soup, eating a piece of beef with green onions, eating without knowing its taste, and swallowing flies and whatever God put to his mouth at this time, he swallowed it all at once.Feeling full, he stood up from the table, took out the ink bottle, and copied the official documents to take home.If there is no living son like Chi, he will deliberately make a copy for himself for his own pleasure, especially if the beauty of the official document is not because of the beauty of style, but because it is written for some upstart.

Even at such a moment: when the gray sky in Petersburg had completely darkened, and all the officials had eaten and drunk according to their respective salaries and tastes, when the whistling of pens in the Ministry had stopped, all the people Busy and busy, when you have finished your own and others' essential affairs, when restless people don't have to take care of all the affairs on your body, and go to rest, when officials are busy enjoying the remaining time: bold Some went to the theater at one o'clock; some went to the streets, looking at women under their hats; They simply go to play with their colleagues, who live on the fourth floor or the third floor, with two small rooms, a front hall or a kitchen, and display some fashionable things that are deliberately ostentatious, such as lamps or other flowers. It is something bought at the cost of saving food, drinking, sacrificing fun, etc.

In short, even at such a moment: when all the officers were scattered about a friend's hut playing whist, drinking tea from cups, nibbling cheap rusk, puffing from long pipes, when the cards were dealt Telling gossip from the upper class that anyone who is a Russian can't help but aspire to, or if there is nothing to say, repeating the endless anecdote, it is said that someone went to report to a commander When the horse's tail on the Erconner Memorial ① was cut off by someone; In short, Akakiy Akakiyevich did not look for any amusement, even when everyone was trying to find it.No one could tell at which party Dowe met him.When he had finished copying, he lay down and went to sleep, thinking about tomorrow's day, first he was happy from the bottom of his heart: he didn't know what God would give him to copy tomorrow.So goes the peaceful life of a man who earns four hundred rubles a year and is content with his fate, and perhaps even into old age, if not only in the ninth rank, but also in the third, fourth, and seventh ranks. And the way of life of all counselors, even those counselors to and from no one, is not paved with words of misery of every kind.

In Petersburg, for everyone who earns an official salary of 400 rubles a year or thereabouts.There is a powerful enemy.This enemy is none other than our severe cold in the north, although some say it is good for health.As soon as eight o'clock in the morning, when the streets were flooded with people going to the upper part of the city, it began to drill indiscriminately, aiming at all the noses fiercely and stabbingly, which made those poor officials feel uncomfortable. Know where to put your nose.here even adults ① This is the bronze statue of Peter I built in Petersburg, made by the French sculptor Falconer (1716-91), and it depicts the posture of Peter on a prancing horse.

Poor civil servants are sometimes almost defenseless when the gentlemen are so cold and teary.The only relief was to cross five or six streets as quickly as possible in a thin overcoat, and then stomp in the porter's house until all the powers and talents for duty frozen in the road were melted away.Of late Akakiy Akakiyevich had begun to feel a chill in his spine and shoulders, although he was doing his best to cover the certain distance as quickly as possible.It finally occurred to him that there must be something wrong with his coat.When he got home, he checked it carefully, and found that in two or three places, exactly on the spine and shoulders, there were only a few real strands of cotton yarn left. bloom.It must be confessed that Akakiy Akakiyevich's overcoat had long been the object of ridicule by the officials; even the noble title of overcoat had been stripped of it, and they were called long gowns.It does have a strange construction: the collar shrinks every year, as other parts of it are cut and mended.This really doesn't show the tailor's craftsmanship, and the mending is bloated and cold.Akakiy Akakiyevich saw that there was nothing to do, so he took his coat to Petrovich, a tailor who lived four floors above a back staircase somewhere, although he had only one eye. , with a pockmarked face, but quite good at mending trousers and tailcoats of officials and others, when he was not drunk, of course, and his head was not wandering.Of course, not much should be said about the tailor, but it has become such a habit now that the character of every character in the novel must be clearly stated, so we have no choice but to mention Petrovich here too. Express it.At first they simply called him Grigory, he was a serf of a certain lord; soon he got his release certificate) and he drank every festival, at first only on big festivals, and then whenever he saw the calendar He was marked with the sign of the cross, big or small, drank on every church festival, and from that time on he was called Petrovitch.In this respect he was true to the custom of his ancestors, and when he quarreled with his wife he called her a slut and a German twat.Since we mentioned chopping up his wife, we have to say a few words about her; but unfortunately, we don't know much about her, except that Petrovich had a wife, and she even wore a cap. , without a turban; but when it comes to looks, she seems to be unable to boast; at least, when seeing her, only some cavalrymen looked at her under their caps, raised their beards, and uttered a strange cry.

The stairs leading to the Petrovich's house were, to be fair, stained with water and sewage, and permeated with a blinding alcoholic smell, which, you know, is associated with the back stairs of all Petersburg houses. They were inseparably connected, and going up the stairs, Akaki Akakiyevich calculated how much Petrovich would demand, and made up his mind never to pay him more than two rubles.The door was open because the housewife was cooking some kind of fish, and the kitchen was so smoky that even the cockroaches could not be seen, and Akakiy Akakiyevich passed through the kitchen without being seen by the housewife, and at last he came out. Inside, Petrovich was seen sitting cross-legged like a Turkish governor on a large unpainted wooden table.As is customary for a seamstress who sits at work, his feet were bare.The first thing that came into view was a strangely familiar thumb with thick and hard putty nails, like a tortoise shell.Around Petrovich's neck was a skein of silk and cotton thread, and a rag was spread over his knees.He had been threading the eye of the needle with cotton thread for three or four minutes, and he hadn't put it on, so he got angry at the darkness, even at the cotton thread, and muttered in a low voice, "Don't go in, bitch; I'm so tormented." , you ghost!" Akakiy Akakiyevich regretted coming to Petrovich just when he was angry, and he liked it when Petrovich was a little drunk, or, as his wife said, Yes, when you are "full of yellow soup, this one-eyed dragon", come and ask him to do something.Under such circumstances, Petrovich was always willing to give up the price, and he agreed, and even bowed in thanks.Afterwards, of course, the wife would whimper and say that the husband had been drunk and had lowered the price;At the moment, Petrovich seemed to be quite lucid, so his temper was particularly awkward and he was not easy to speak. God knows how much the price will be.Akakiy Akakiyevich realized this, and, as the saying goes, wanted to retreat, but it was too late.Petrovitch squinted one eye and fixed it on him, and Akakiy Akakiyevich could not help but say:

"Yes, Petrovich!" "Good day, sir," said Petrovich, casting his eyes sideways at Akakiy Akakiyevich's hand to see what a good deal he had brought. "I'm coming to you, Petrovich, it's that...! I have to confess that Akakiy Akakiyevich liked to use a lot of prepositions, adverbs, and meaningless particles in his speech.If he encounters a very embarrassing thing, he even has the habit of not finishing the sentence, so he often starts with such words: "This, it is, that..." After that, there is no further text, even he himself forgot Clean, thought the words were finished.

"What's the matter?" said Petrovitch, examining his uniform with one eye, from the collar to the sleeves, back, and buttonholes, all of which he knew very well, for he had done it himself. do the craft.Such was the custom of the tailor; it was the first thing he did when he met him. "I'm for that, Petrovich...a coat, wool... You see, it's thick everywhere else, but it's a little dusty, and it looks old, but it's still new, and there's only one There's a little bit of that... on the spine, and on the shoulders, there's a place that's worn out a little bit, here's a little bit on the shoulder, look, that's it. It doesn't take much..." Petrovich took the gown, spread it flat on the table, looked at it for a long time, shook his head, and reached out to the window sill for a round snuffbox with a picture of a general on it, but he didn't know which general it was. Because the face was poked by a finger, a small square piece of paper was pasted on it.Petrovich took a pinch of snuff, spread his gown with both hands, looked at the light, and shook his head again.Then he turned it inside out, shook his head again, opened the lid of the box with the small piece of paper on it, stuffed his nose with snuff, closed the lid, put the snuff box aside, and finally said: "No, I can't mend it, this dress is out of shape!" Akaky Akakiyevich's heart skipped a beat at these words. "Why not, Petrovitch?" he said in an almost childlike pleading voice, "there's only a little fraying on the shoulder, you've got some scraps..." "There are bits and pieces, and bits and pieces are easy to find," said Petrovitch, "but they won't sew on; the thing is all messed up, and it breaks if you touch it." "Break it and let it break, and you can put a patch on it right away." "Where does the patch tell me to go? A few more stitches won't do anything. It's too torn; it's woolen fabric, but it's just a good name, and it will rot when the wind blows." "Give me some stitches. That's how you say it, it's that..." "No," said Petrovich firmly, "there's nothing to be done. The thing is useless. You might as well wait until the winter comes and turn it into a foot wrap, because the socks are not warm. Socks are a German invention." Yes, in order to make more money for us (Petrovich likes to stab the Germans at every opportunity); but the overcoat, it seems you can only make a new one." At the word "new," Akaky Akakiyevich's eyes dimmed, and everything in the room whirled before his eyes.All he could see clearly was the general with the paper on his face on the lid of Petrovich's snuff box! "What's new?" he said, still dreaming. "I don't have the money." "Yes, make new ones," Petrovich said with brutal calm. "Well, if you must make a new one, then why..." "You mean, how much will it cost?" "Yes." "It will cost you more than one hundred and fifty rubles," said Petrovich, pursing his lips meaningfully.He was very fond of strong effects, of tricks, of stumping someone suddenly, and squinting to see how embarrassed the stumped person would be. "One hundred and fifty rubles for a coat!" cried poor Akakiy Akakiyevich, probably for the first time in his life, loudly, for he was always famous for speaking in a low voice. "Yes," said Petrovich. "It depends on what kind of coat it is. If the collar is sewn with mink and the hood is lined with silk, it will cost two hundred rubles." "Please, Petrovich," said Akakiy Akakiyevich in a pleading voice, not hearing and not wanting to hear what Petrovich said and all its effects, "try to make up for it." Make up, deal with it and wear it for a while." "It's useless, and the result must be: wasted effort, wasted money," said Petrovich.Then Akakiy Akakiyevich went out dejectedly at hearing these words.Petrovich stood for a while after he had gone, pursed his lips meaningfully, and went to work, satisfied that he had neither degraded his status nor spoiled the tailor's skills. In the street, Akaki Akakiyevich felt as if you were in a dream. "Where did I begin," he said to himself, "I really didn't expect it to come to that..." Then, after a moment's silence, he added: "Look! I really hadn't thought of it." There was another long silence, and then he said, "Look! This is so, so, so unexpected, that... how is it... the way!" After a few words, he didn't go home, and he didn't even notice it, and walked in the completely opposite direction in a daze.Along the way, a soot-covered chimney poker touched him and rubbed him on the shoulder; he was sprinkled with a handful of lime from the roof of a house under construction.He didn't notice any of this, until he came across a sentinel who was at his side pouring snuff from an angled cigarette case into his callused palm, and he came to his senses a little, and It was also thanks to the sentry police who yelled at him: "Why bump into someone, can't you walk on the sidewalk?" Then he looked around, turned and walked home.When he got home, he began to think deeply, and saw clearly and clearly that the situation he was in was not incoherent, but cautiously, frankly, as if talking to a sensible friend to whom he could confide. Answer it. "Well, no," said Akakiy Akakiyevich, "it doesn't make sense to talk to Petrovitch at this moment. He's... got beaten by his wife. I'd rather Better go find him on Sunday morning. After Saturday night, his eyes will be squinted the next day, and he will oversleep, and he will need two drinks to cure his hangover, but his wife won't give him money. At that time, I only wanted that, and I put ten kopecks in his hand, and he was willing to accommodate, so the coat was that: ... So Akaky Akakiyevich said to himself, pulling himself together, I waited until the next Sunday, saw Petrovich's wife going somewhere from a distance, and hurried to find him. After Saturday, Petrovich's eyes were really slanted, his head was hanging down, and he looked like he had fallen asleep. but, having said that, it was as if a ghost had pushed him as soon as he knew what the other was coming for. "No," said he, "order a new one, please! "Akakiy Akakiyevich gave him ten kopeks at once. "Thank you, sir, I'll drink to your health," said Petrovich, "but you don't have to worry about the coat. , it simply doesn't work.I will make a new coat for you, and I will guarantee your satisfaction. " Akakiy Akakiyevich was still nagging about repairing, but Petrovitch interrupted him without waiting for him to finish: "I'll make you a new one, leave it to me." , I will try my best. Let's make fashionable ones, with silver ones for collar hooks." At that moment Akakiy Akakiyevich saw that a new coat must be made, and his heart sank.Really, how can this be done?What to expect and what money to spend on a new one?Of course, some of them can count on future rewards, but this money has already covered other holes.To have a new pair of trousers made, to pay off the cobbler's old bill for replacing old boots with new boots, to have three shirts and two underclothes made to order from a seamstress, in short, all the money spent, Even if the Minister were merciful and gave a bounty of forty-five or fifty rubles instead of forty rubles, there would still be very little left over for coats, a drop in the ocean.Of course, he also knew that Petrovich was fond of bargaining, and often even his wife could not help shouting: "You are crazy, you fool! Sometimes you leave the job without paying, and now it's terrible." It's not worth selling you for such a high price." Of course, he also knew that Petrovich would do it for eighty rubles; but where would he get the eighty rubles?He can handle more than half: half is available; even more; but where is the other half to be found? ... However, the reader must first know where the first half came from.Akakiy Akakiyevich had the habit of dropping a half-copeck for every ruble spent in a small locked box with a hole in the lid for the coin.Every six months, he checked the total amount of copper coins he had accumulated and exchanged them for small silver coins.He went on like this for a long time, so that in a few years he had accumulated more than forty rubles.In this way, half of them are finally settled; but where can we find the other half?Where can I get another forty rubles?Akakiy Akakiyevich thought it over and decided that for at least the next year it was necessary to reduce the usual expenses: no tea in the evening, no candles at night, and if there was any business to be done, he had to go to the Go into the house of the landlady and borrow her light; when walking on the street, walk as lightly as possible on the slabs and flat stones, be careful, and only let your toes touch the ground, so that the soles of your shoes will not be damaged too quickly; Maybe take less underwear for the washerwoman to wash. In order to avoid getting dirty, I take off my underwear every day when I get home, and only wear a cotton gown that has been in good condition for a long time.To be honest, he also felt awkward about these kinds of restrictions at first, but he gradually got used to it and didn't feel anything; he even got used to being hungry every night; on the other hand, he used spiritual food to make up for it, that is, Can't stop thinking about that future coat.From then on, even his existence seemed to be enriched, as if he was married, as if another person lived with him, as if he was not alone, and another lovely lifelong female companion was willing to spend his life with him ,──This female companion is none other than the coat filled with thick cotton and lined with an unbreakable strong lining.He became more lively, and even his character became stronger, as if he had made up his mind and set a goal.Doubt, hesitation, in short, all vacillating and vague features naturally disappeared from his face and actions.Sometimes his eyes would light up, and even the most daring and daring thoughts would flash through his mind: Shall we really put a strip of ermine on the collar?Thinking of this almost made him feel dazed.Once, when he was copying official documents, he almost made a mistake and almost shouted loudly. "Oops!" He quickly made a sign of the cross.Every month he could not fail to visit Petrovich and discuss with him about making coats, where would be the best place to buy them, what color, and what price. Going home, thinking that one day, all these things would be bought and made into a new coat, and things were moving even faster than he had expected.Quite unexpectedly, the minister awarded Akaky Akakiyevich not forty or forty-five rubles, but the full sixty rubles.Whether he had a presentiment that Akakiy Akakiyevich needed a coat, or whether it was just a coincidence, at any rate, this gave him twenty rubles more.This situation accelerated the progress of the situation.After another two or three months of hunger, Akakiy Akakiyevich would have accumulated nearly eighty rubles, and his usually calm heart began to beat.That same day he went to the shop with Petrovitch.Bought a good cloth--not surprising, since the two of them had been planning it half a year ago, and it was rare for a month not to go to the shop to inquire about the price; so even Petrovich Said, there is no better cloth than this, for the lining, they chose a kind of muslin, but the texture is so strong and durable, according to Petrovich, it is better than satin, and even looks more beautiful Some, more glossy.I didn't buy mink fur because it was really expensive, but I bought the only good cat fur in the shop.From a distance, it looks like a mink.It took Petrovich two weeks to finish the coat.Because many places need to be spun, otherwise the work would have been completed long ago.Petrovich demanded twelve rubles for less than he could have done: everything was sewn with silk thread in two thin stitches, and Petrovich later bit each seam with his teeth to get out. Various patterns.It was on... it was hard to say on what day, but probably always the most important day in Akaki Akakiyevich's life, when Petrovich finally brought the coat.He brought it early in the morning when he was about to go to work in the upper department.At no other time has the coat come at such a good time, for the severe cold has set in and seems set to intensify.Petrovich sent the coat, as a good tailor should.A meaningful expression came into his face, which Akakiy Akakiyevich had never seen before.He seemed fully aware that he had accomplished something great, and suddenly a sharp line was drawn between those tailors who only mend linings and those who make new clothes.He took it out of the handkerchief with which he had wrapped his coat all the way; he had just brought it from the laundry: then he folded it and put it in his pocket for use.After taking out his coat, he glanced at it with great pride, raised his hands, and deftly threw it over Akakiy Akakiyevich's shoulders; Twist down; then snap a button or two so that it looks docile on Akakiy Akakiyevich.Akakiy Akakiyevich, like an old man, wanted to try on the sleeves; Petrovich helped him put his arm in the sleeves, and the sleeves were not badly done.All in all, the coat seems to be perfect and fits well.Petrovich did not forget to take this opportunity to confess, saying that it was only because there was no signboard, the shop was in a side street, and because he had known Akakiy Akakiyevich for a long time, that was why the price was so high.便宜；要是在涅瓦大街上，这样一件外套，光是手工恐怕就得要七十五卢布。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇不想跟彼得罗维奇争论这件事情，并且他也怕听彼得罗维奇吹得那么耸人听闻的巨大的钱数。他跟他算清账目，谢过了他，立刻就穿新外套上部里去。彼得罗维奇跟着他走出来，站在街上，远远的还对着外套出神了好一会儿，然后故意闪在一旁，抄过弯曲的小巷，又跑到大街上来，从另外一个角度，就是从正面，再把自己缝的外套看上一遍。这当口，亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇怀着过节般的心情向前走去。他一分一秒都感觉到他的肩膀上有一件新外套，有几次甚至由于内心的愉快笑了起来。这实在有两种好处：一来暖和，二来好看，他没觉着怎么走，就已经来到了部里。他在门房里脱下外套，前前后后把它看了个够，拜托看门的费神特别照看一下。不知怎么一来，部里忽然大家都知道亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇有了一件新外套，长衫已经不复存在。大家立刻跑到门房里来看亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇的新外套。大家恭喜他，祝贺他，起先他只是笑，后来甚至害起臊来。当大家拥到他跟前，对他说穿新外套得请大伙儿喝酒，至少也得招待一次晚会的时候，亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇完全茫无所措了，不知道他该怎么办，回答什么，该怎样推托。过了几分钟，他才涨红着脸，十分天真地辩解说这完全不是什么新外套，实在只是一件旧外套罢了。终于有一个官员，并且还是一个什么副股长，大概为了表示他绝不傲慢，甚至不惜跟下属交往，就说："这么着吧，我来替亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇招待一次晚会，请大伙儿今天晚上到舍间去喝茶，今天可巧是我的命名日。"官员们自然立刻祝贺副股长，欣然接受了他的邀请。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇原想推辞不去，可是架不住大家七嘴八舌地劝说，说这太不礼貌，简直是不识抬举，于是他怎么也不好再拒绝了。不过，他后来想到，这么着他可以有机会晚上穿了新外套到外边走走，心里倒也着实很高兴。这一整天，对于亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇真是一个最大的庄严的节日。他怀着十分幸福的心情回到家里，脱下外套，再把呢子和里子欣赏了个够，小心翼翼地挂在墙上，然后特地把从前的那一件脱了线的长衫找出来，比较一下。他对它望了一眼，连自己也笑了起来：这样大的差别啊！后来过了许久，在吃饭的时候，他只要一想起那件长衫所处的境遇，还一直笑个不停。他高高兴兴吃完了饭，饭后什么公文也不抄了，趁天还没黑尽，随便躺在床上舒坦了一下。然后，不多耽搁，穿上衣服，把外套披在肩上，就上街去了。请客的官员究竟住在哪儿，遗憾得很，我们可说不上来：记性坏得厉害，彼得堡所有的房屋和街道，在我们的记忆里都混杂、纠缠在一起，很难理出个头绪。可是无论如何，有一点至少是确实的，那位官员住在城里最好的地区，因此离亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇是很不近的。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇起初得走过儿条灯光暗淡的荒凉的街道，可是越走近官员的住宅，街道就变得越热闹、人烟越稠密，灯光越亮。行人越来越多，衣服华丽的淑女开始出现，男人们也有穿海狸领子外套的了，迸着有木栏杆钉有铜钉的雪橇的寒酸的车夫越来越少，相反，看到的尽是一些戴红天鹅绒帽子、赶着漆过的畅着熊皮毯子的雪橇的漂亮车夫，驭者台装玻一新的轿车在街上疾驰而过，车轮在雪地上吱吱直响。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇瞧着这一切，就仿佛看到什么稀奇的东西一样。他已经有好几年晚间不上街了。他好奇地在一家商店灯火辉煌的窗户前面停下来，眺望一幅画，上面画着一个美丽的妇人，她脱掉鞋子，这样就露出了一只挺不难看的光脚；在她背后，一个长着络腮胡子、嘴唇下面蓄有一撮美丽短髯的男人从另外一间房间里探出头来。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇摇了摇头，笑了一下，然后走自己的路。他为什么笑呢？是不是因为他遇到了虽然完全不熟悉、但每一个人对它仍旧保持着某种敏感的东西呢，还是因为他象其他许多官员那样地想。 "嘿，这些法国人！有什么话可说呢！他们要是打定主意干点什么，那就真有点那个……"但也很可能。他连这些也没有想——原是没有法子钻到一个人脑子里去，知道他所想的一切的啊。最后他到了副股长住的地方。副股长住得很阔绰，楼梯上亮着灯，他的住宅在二层楼上。走进前厅，亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇看见地上放着许多双套鞋。在这些东西中间，在屋子中央，放着一个茶炊，喉咐发响，冒出一团团的热气。墙上挂的尽是些外套啦，斗篷啦，其中几件甚至是有着海狸领子或者天鹅绒翻领的。隔壁传出暄哗声和谈话声，当房门打开，侍仆端着放有空杯、奶油缸和盛面包干的筐子的托盘走出来的时候、声音就忽然变得清楚响亮起来。显然，官员们早已到齐，喝过了第一杯茶。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇自己动手把外套挂好，走进屋子，于是蜡烛、官员、烟斗、牌桌，同时出现在他的面前，四方哄然而起的急促的谈话声和移动椅子的声音，震得他的耳朵嗡嗡直响。他很不自在地站在屋子中央，踌躇着，不知道该怎么办才好。可是人家已经看见他了，喊着欢迎他，大家立刻都挤进前厅去，又把他的外套看上一遍。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇虽然有点不好意思，可是他是一个老实人，看见大家都夸奖他的外套，也不能不高兴起来。后来，不用说，自然是大家又把他跟外套都撇在一边，照例回到打惠斯特牌的牌桌前面去了。喧哗声、谈话声、一大堆的人，这一切在亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇看来，都是不可思议的。他简直不知道该干点什么，把手脚跟整个身子往哪儿搁才好；最后，他坐到打牌的人旁边去看打牌，望望这个人的脸，又望望那个人的脸，过了一会儿就打起呵欠来，觉得乏味，尤其是因为早已到他平时上床睡觉的时候了。他想向主人告辞，可是人家不放他走，说是为了祝贺新外套，一定得喝一杯香摈酒。过了一个钟头，晚饭开出来了，有凉拌菜、冷小牛肉、肉馅饼、甜点心和香摈酒。人们逼着亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇喝了两杯，这之后，他觉得屋子里变得热闹了些，可是仍旧忘不了已经十二点钟，早就该回家。为了不使主人挽留他，他俏悄地走出屋子，在前厅里找到了他的外套他怪心疼地看见外套掉在地上，便把它抖了抖，去掉每一根绒毛，披在肩上，然后下楼到街上去。街上到处还亮着灯火。几家小铺子，仆人和各色人等的永久的俱乐部的门还开着，另外几家已经关了门，但门缝里却还漏出一长道光线，说明里面还有人，大概女仆或是男仆还打算讲完他们的传闻和闲谈，害得主人无从探知他们的下落。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇满怀高兴地走着，甚至不知道为了什么，忽然跟在一个女人后面跑了起来，女人象一阵闪电似的走过他的身边，浑身充满着异常的活劲儿。可是，他立刻停下来，又跟先前一样慢慢地往前走去，连自己也纳闷儿为什么会不知不觉地跑了起来。不久之后，几条荒凉的街道展开在他面前，这些街。道就连白天也不怎么热闹，更不用说夜晚了。现在它们变得更偏僻，更冷清：街灯越来越稀少，显然公家的灯油发得少了；出现了木房子、围墙；一个人影也没有；只有街上的积雪晶晶发光，已经关上板窗的睡熟了的低矮的茅屋凄凉地投出黑影。他走近一块地方，这儿街道被一片可怕的沙漠似的无边无际的广场遮断了，广场对过隐隐约约可以望见几幢房屋。 在远处，天知道什么地方，有一个岗亭闪动着一垦微光，这岗亭看来好象站在世界的尽头似的。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇的一股子高兴，一到这儿不知怎么就大大地减少了。他怀着一种不由自主的恐惧走到广场上，仿佛他的心早已预感到有什么不祥似的。他往后，又往左右瞧了瞧：周围简直是一片茫茫大海。"不，最好还是别瞧，"他想道，闭着眼睛一直走去，当他睁开眼睛想知道广场是不是快走完的时候，忽然看见在他面前，几乎就在他鼻子跟前，站着几个满脸胡子的家伙，究竟是于什么的，他也摸不清。他两眼发花，心里怦怦直跳。"这不是我的外套吗！"其中一个人抓住他的领子，用打雷似的声音说。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇正打算呼救，另外一个家伙把足有他老人家脑袋那么大的拳头往他下巴颈上一顶，补添上一句："你敢喊！"亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇只感觉到有人从他身上把外套剥掉，用膝盖拐了他一下、他就仰面朝天跌倒在雪地上，此外再也不感觉什么了。过了几分钟，他醒过来，站了起来，可是已经一个人也没有了。他觉得旷野里冷得很，外套也没有了，就喊叫起来，可是声音似乎很不愿意达到广场的尽头。他绝望了，但还是不停地喊叫着，越过广场一直向岗亭奔去，岗亭旁边站着一个岗警，倚着身，仿佛好奇地在张望着，想知道是个什么家伙叫喊着远远的向他跑过来。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇跑到他跟前，上气不接下气地嚷着，说他尽顾睡觉，什么事也不管，也不看见拦路抢劫。岗警回答，他没有看见什么，只看见两个人在广场中间把他喊住了，他还以为是他的朋友哩；他叫他不必谩骂。还是明天找巡长去，巡长会找到抢外套的人的。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇狼狈不堪地跑回家里。鬓角和后脑勺上仅有的几根稀疏的头发完全蓬乱了；两胁、胸口、整条裤子都沾满了雪。房东老太婆听见一阵可怕的敲门声，急忙从床上跳起来，只有一只脚套了鞋子就跑出来开门，由于羞怯，一只手在胸口按着衬衣；可是，开了门，看见亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇这副光景，不禁倒退了几步。他把事情始未讲明之后，她急得直甩手，说应该直接去见警察局长；说是巡长说话不算话，答应了人家的事一回头就不管了，最好直接会见警察局长；说是她还跟他相熟，因为一个芬兰女人安娜，从前在她家里当过女厨子的，现在到警察局长家里当保姆去了；说是当他经过她家门口时，她常常看见他本人；又说他每星期到教堂里去，一边祷告，一边快乐地望着大家；因此，从一切迹象上看起来，应该，是一个好人。听完这样的意见，亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇垂头丧气地回到自己的房间里，至于他这一夜是怎样挨过去的，凡是稍微肯替别人设身处地想一想的人就很容易想象得出。第二天一大早他就去见警察局长；但人家回复他局长在睡觉；他十点钟去又说在睡觉；他十一点钟去说是局长已经出门；吃饭的时候再去。可是，接待室里的书记们说什么也不肯放他进去，一定要知道他是为了什么公事，什么要务来的，到底发生了什么事情。最后，亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇生平第一次想发点脾气了，斩钉截铁他说他要亲自见局长本人，说他们不敢不放他进去，他是为了一件公事从部里来的，他只要告他们一状，他们就会知道他的厉害。书记们对这些活一点也不敢反驳，其中一个人就去请警察局长出来，警察局长听取外套被劫这件事的态度很有点古怪。他不注意事情的要点，反而盘问起亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇来：他为什么这么晚才回家，是不是到什么不规矩的地方去了？问得亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇羞傀无地，也没有弄清楚外套一案会不会得到适当的处理，就从那儿走了出来。这一整天他都没有去办公（这是他生平唯一的一次）。第二天，他满脸苍白，穿着那件变得更加的古旧的长衫出现了。外套被劫的故事毕竟感动了许多人，虽然还有些官员即使到了这个节骨眼儿也不肯放过机会嘲笑亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇。大家立刻决定给他募款，可是只募到了很少一点钱，因为官员们即使没有这件事也已经有很多意外的开支，例如认购部长的肖像，响应科长的建议订购一本什么书，这位科长就是作者的朋友，所以数目是微乎其微的。有一个人被怜悯心打动了，决定至少得对亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇进一番善意的忠告，劝他别去找巡长，因为即使巡长为了博得上司的称赞，可能设法把外套找到，可是他如果提供不出法律上的证据，证明外套是属于他的，那么外套总还是留在警察局里；他最好去见某一位要人，只要要人跟有关方面公文来往，交涉一下，事情就可以顺利地解决。没有办法，亚卡基。亚卡基耶维奇就决定上要人那儿去了。要人究竟担任什么职位，直到现在还尚待查考。得交代一下，某一位要人是最近才成为要人的，在这之前，却是一个不重要的人。然而，即使是他现在的地位，跟其他更加重要的人比较起来，也算不得重要，可是总有这么一些人，别人看来是不重要的人，在他们看来就已经是重要的了。然而，他却竭力用别的许多方法来加强他的重要性，例如，当他来办公的时候，规定下级官员们得站在楼梯间接他；不准任何人直接见他，一切都得经过极严格的手续：十四品文官报告十二品文官，十二品文官报告九品文官，逐级报告上去，必须这样，事情才能、达到他面前。在神圣的俄罗斯，一切都传染上了模仿的习惯，每个人都喜欢装模作祥，扮做上司的样子。苍至据说有一个九品文官，当派他到一个小小的办事处当主任的时候，他立刻给自己隔开一个单间，管它叫"主任室"，在门口派了一些穿红领子绣花边的制服的戏院查票员似的人，他们握着房门的把手，给每一个来访的人开门，虽然在这间"主任室"里只能勉强放下一张普通的写字桌。要人的态度和气派是显赫而威严的，但却是过份张扬的。他的制度的主要基础就是严厉，"严厉，严厉，第三个还是严厉，"他常常这样说，并且说到最后一句话时，总要意味深长地望一下听他说话的对方的脸。虽然这样做是没有任何理由的，因为组成办事处整个行政机构的十来个官员，即使没有这一着也害怕他得要命。老远望见他就已经放下了手里的公事，毕恭毕敬地站着，伺候上司从房里走过。他平时跟下属谈话是芦色俱厉的，几乎总不外乎三句话，"您怎么敢？您知道您在跟谁说话吗？您知道谁站在您的面前吗？"然而他内心却是一个善良的人，待同事很好。肯帮忙、可是将军头衔完全把他弄糊涂了。搭了将车头衔之后，他就神魂颠倒起来，迷失了道路，不知道该怎么办才好。"他要是跟职位平等的人在一起，倒还象个人，还是一个很正派的、在许多方面甚至并不愚蠢的人，可是，只要遇见一个品位只比他低一级的人，那简直就槽透啦：他就默默无言了。他的处境格外惹得人伶们，因为连他自己也感觉到可以把时间消失得有意味得多。从他一双眼睛里有时也可以看到想跟别人和好相处，参加一场有趣的谈话的强烈的愿望，可是一个念头阻止了他：这不是做得太过分了吗？不是大随便了吗？这么一来，不会降低了自己的身份吗？这样考虑的结果，他就偶尔只发出几个单音节的字，永远保持着始终不变的沉默，于是给自己赢得了"最枯燥的人"的外号。我们的亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇便是来见这样一个要人，并且是在最不利的时候，对于自己很不适合而对于要人却很适合的时候来见他。要人正在办公室里，兴高采烈地跟一个最近才到的老朋友，一个多年不见的儿时的伙伴谈话。这时有人进来报告，说有个巴施马奇金要见他。他轻率地问了声："是个什么样的人？"回复道："一个官员。""啊！叫他等一等，现在没有工夫。"这儿得交代一下，要人扯了个天大的谎：他是有工夫的，他跟朋友早已什么都谈到了，已经在谈话中间夹杂着长久的沉默，只是轻轻地彼此拍拍大腿，说道："是吧，伊凡·亚勃拉莫维奇！""是呀，斯捷潘·瓦尔拉莫维奇！"可是尽管如此，他却还是让那官员等着人以便向他的朋友，一个赋闲已久，久居在乡间的人证明，官员们得在他的前厅等上多少时候。最后，话谈够了，尤其是沉默得厌烦了，坐在设有能折叠过去的靠背的十分舒适的安乐椅里吸完一支雪茄，这才好象忽然记起来似的，对那个拿着报告文件站在门口的秘书说："噢，仿佛还有个官员在那儿等着；告诉他可以进来了。"他一看见亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇谦卑的样子和他那身旧制服，就突然对他说："您有什么事？"声音轻率而强硬，那是他还没有得到现在的地位和将军头衔的一星期之前，特地在自己房间里独自对着镜子预先学会的。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇早已不寒而栗，有点张皇失措起来，费了很大的力气转动着他那不灵活的舌头，并且比平时加上了更多的小品词"那个"，解释道：有一件崭新的外套，现在被人用非常残酷的手段抢去了，他来求见他，是希望他草拟个公文，想个法子跟警察总监或者别的什么人交涉一下，好把外套找回来。不知道为什么，将军觉得这种做法太放肆了。 "您怎么了，先生，"他继续用轻率的口吻说，"您不懂得规矩吗？您找上什么了？您不知道办事的手续吗？办这种事，您得先向办事处递个呈文；呈文送到股长那里，再到科长那里，然后再转给秘书，秘书才把它交给我……" "可是，大人，"亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇竭力鼓起他仅有的一点勇气，同时觉得已经浑身汗湿了，"我敢来麻烦您大人，因为秘书们那个……都是些不可靠的人。" "什么；什么，什么？"要人说，"您哪儿来的这么大的胆子？哪儿来的这些想法？这些年轻人对长官和上司真是狂妄到了极点！" 要人似乎没有注意到亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇已经五十开外了。所以，如果他能称为年轻人，那除非是相对的，就是和七十岁的人比较来说。 "您知道这是跟谁在说话？您明白谁站在您的面前了，您明白不明白，明白不明白？我问您！" 说到这儿，他一顿脚，把嗓门提得这么高，即使不是亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇也会害怕的。亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇就这样晕了过去，浑身发抖，摇摇晃晃，再也站立不稳，要不是看门的赶紧过来扶住他，他准会摔倒在地上；他几乎一动不动地被抬了出去。要人很满意效果甚至还超出意料之外，一想到他的话居然能使人失掉知觉，就更加陶醉起来，他斜眼望了望他的朋友，想知道他对这件事的反应，竟不无高兴地看到他也很不自在，甚至也开始感到了恐惧。 怎样从搂梯上下来，怎样走到街上，亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇；点也不记得了。他的手脚都麻木了。他这一辈子还从来没有这样厉害地被一位将车训斥过，并且还是一个陌生的将军。他张大嘴，辨不清人行道的高低，在遍街呼啸着的暴风雪中走去；风，按照彼得堡的惯例，从所有的胡同，四面八方向他吹来，转瞬间就吹得他扁桃腺发起炎来，等到他勉强走回家里，已经一旬话也说不出了；喉咙全肿了，躺在床上。一顿好骂，有时竟是这样厉害啊！第二天他发了高烧。由于彼得堡气候的慷慨的帮助，病情进展得比预期的更快，当医生赶到的时候，摸了摸脉门，除了开一张戳药的方子以外，一点办法也没有了，连这也只是为了让病人不至于受不到医术的恩惠罢了；然而立刻又宣布，顶多再过一天半，非完蛋不可，然后他对房东太太说："老太太，您不必白操心了，现在就给他预备一口松木棺材吧。因为橡木的他买不起。"亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇有没有听见这些在他是致命的话，如果听见了，这些话有没有对他发生惊心动魄的影响，他有没有惋惜他的薄命的一生这都无从知道，因为他一直在说胡话和发热。一幅更比一幅奇怪的景象不断地浮现在他的眼前：他忽而看见彼得罗维奇，向彼得罗维奇定做了一件置有捉贼的机关的外套，他老觉得贼就躲在他床底下，并且时时刻刻叫房东太太把贼从他的被窝里拖出来：忽而问人家为什么把旧长衫挂在他面前，说他原是存件新外套的；忽而觉得他站在将军的面前，一边谨听严厉的训斥，一边喏喏连声他说：我错了，大人；最后，忽而撒野骂起街来，用了一些最难听的字眼；使房东老太婆甚至画了十字，她有生以来从来没有听见他说过这样伪话，尤其这些字眼是直接紧跟在"大人"这个字后面的，再往后，他完全胡言乱语起来，叫人一点也听不明白了；只知道这些杂乱无章的胡话和思想，翻来覆去总离不了那件外套。最后，可怜的亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇咽了气，无论是他的房间或者他的物件，都没有封存起来，因为一来没有继承人，二来剩下的遗产很少，不过是：一柬鹅毛笔，一帖公家的白纸，三双袜子，两三颗裤子上脱落下来的钮扣和那件读者已经熟知的长衫。谁得了这一切东西，只有天知道。老实说，连讲这个故事的人对这也不感觉兴趣。人们把亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇抬了出去，埋掉了。于是彼得堡就没有了亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇，仿佛彼得堡从来就不曾有过他这个人似的。一个谁都不保护、不被任何人所宝贵、任何人都不觉得有趣、甚至连不放过把普通的苍蝇用钉子穿起来放在显微镜下面仔细察看的自然观察家都不屑加以一顾的生物，消失了，隐没了；这个生物顺从地忍受公务员们的嘲笑，没有做过任何非凡的事业就进了坟墓，然而无论如何，在他生命快结束之前，一个光辉的访客曾经借外套的形式闪现了一下，刹那间使他可怜的线命活跃起来，后来灾祸还是降临到他头上，正象降临到帝玉和世间的统治者头上一样……他死后过了几天，部里派了一个看门的到他家里来。带着叫他立刻，去办公的命令：说是长官要他去；可是，看门的不得不一无所得地回去，报告他不能再来了，对于质问"为什么？"是这样答复的："就因为他。已经死了，大前天把他埋掉的。"这样，部里的人才知道了亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇的死讯，第二天在他的座位上已经坐着一个新的官员，个子高得多，写的字母已经不是直体，却偏得多，歪斜得多。 可是谁会想到亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇的故事到这儿还没有完结，他注定死后还得轰动几天，好象补偿他没没无闻的一生似的。可是事情就这么发生了，于是我们可怜的故事就意外地得到了一个荒诞无稽的结局。忽然谣言传遍了彼得堡，说是在卡林金桥畔和附近一带地方，一到晚上，就有一个官员模样的死人出现，在寻找一件被劫的外套，并且以外套失窃为借口，不问官职和身份，从一切人的肩上剥掉各种外套，不管是猫皮的、海狸皮的、棉絮的、貉皮的、"狐皮的、熊皮的，总而言之，剥掉凡是人们想得出用来遮盖自己的皮肉的各式各样的毛革和柔皮。部里的一个官员亲眼看见过那个死人，立刻就认出他是亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇；可是，这把他吓坏了，他拼命地往前跑，因此没来得看仔细，只看见那个人远远的用手指威胁他。状子雪片似的从囱面八方递上去，说是由于夜晚外套的被剥，九品文官倒也罢了，连那些七品文官的脊梁和肩膀，也都不免有受凉的危险。警察局下了命令，不管死活，无论如何得把死人逮捕归案，严加惩罚，以诫其余，并且差一点连这也几乎办到了。是这样的，某一区的岗警在基留希金胡同，在出事的当场，当死人正待从一个从前吹笛子的退职乐师身上剥掉一件粗毛布外套的时候，已经完全把死人的领子抓住了。他一把抓住死人的领子，大声喊来另外两个同伴，拜托他们抓住他，他自己不过花掉片刻的工夫伸手到靴统里，打算从那几摸出榨皮鼻烟匣来，使一生中冻坏过六次的鼻子暂时清醒一下；可是，鼻烟一定是连死人都受不住的一种。岗警用手指塞住右鼻孔，左鼻孔还没有来得及吸完半手掌鼻烟，死人就一喷嚏打得这么凶，溅了他们三人满眼都是脏水。当他们举起拳头擦眼的时候，死人连影儿也没有了，甚至他们都不知道刚才死人是不是真的被他们抓在手里。从此以后，岗警们对死人这样害怕，甚至连活人也怕捉了，只是站得若远地喊："喂，快走你的路吧！"于是死官员甚至在卡林金桥的那一边也出现了，给胆小的人带来不少的惊慌。可是，我们完全把某一位要人忘怀了，他才可以说真正是这本来完全真实的故事获得荒诞无稽的趋势的原因。首先得说句公道话，自从被痛骂了一顿的可怜的亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇走后不久，要人感到了一种类乎怜悯的东西。他不是绝对没有同情心的；他的心也会发生许多善良的冲动，虽然官级常常阻碍它们表露出来。来客刚走出他的办公室，他甚至思念起可怜的亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇来了。从此以后，受不住职务上的斥责的脸色苍白的亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇就差不多每天都浮现在他的眼前。一想到这人；就使他陷于极度的不安，过了一星期，他甚至决定派个官员去探听一下他的情况，能不能真的对他有所帮助，当他得到报告说，亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇患热病暴死了的时候，他甚至吃了一惊，受着良心的责备，整天心绪不宁。他想散散心，忘掉不愉快的印象，这无晚上就到一个朋友家里去，这朋友家里聚着一大群正派的人，尤其称心的是，几乎大家都是一样的官级，因此他可以完全不受任何拘束。这对他的精神状态发生了惊人的作用。他松动起来，眉飞色舞地聊着天，态度和蔼可亲，总之，这一晚过得非常愉快。晚饭时，他喝了两杯香槟酒──大家知道，这是一种不坏的助兴的东西。香槟酒使他涌上来一股子豪兴，想做各种奇特的事情，那就是：他决定还不回家，却去找一位熟识的太太卡罗林娜·伊凡诺芙娜，这位太太似乎是德国血统，他跟她交情很深。得交代一下，要人已经不年轻了，是个好丈夫，可尊敬的一家之主。他有两个儿子，其中一个已经在衙门里当差，还有一个讨人喜欢的十六岁的女儿，生有一个微微弯曲、但很好看的鼻子，他们每天走来吻他的手，说道：ｂｏｎｊｏｕｒ，ｐａｐａｔ①。他的老婆，一个还很有风韵、甚至一点也不难看的女人，先把自己的手给他吻，然后翻过手来，再吻他的手。可是，要人虽然满足于家庭的温暖，却认为在城里到处另外交个女朋友倒也无伤大雅。这女朋友一点也不比他的老婆好看些，年轻些；可是，这样的难题世间是常有的，评判这一类难题可不是我们的事。这样，要人走下楼梯，坐上雪橇，对车夫说："到卡罗林娜·伊凡诺芙娜家里去，"而他自己，雍容华贵地裹着一件暖和的外套，落进了一种被俄国人认为无可再好的愉快心境，就是说，自己一点事也不想，可是思想却自会钻到脑子里，一个更比一个愉快，甚至不用你费劲地去追逐，搜寻。他感到心满意足，轻快地想起刚才过掉的这一晚上所有快乐的事情，所有惹得一小堆人哄堂大笑的机智的警句；有许多话，他甚至低声地重复了一遍，觉得依旧象刚才一样可笑，惭以无怪乎他要打心坎里笑出来。然而，不时有一阵二阵的暴风来打拢他，这风，天知道是打哪儿，也不明白由于什么原因，突然就刮起来，刀子似的割他的脸，成块的雪往他身上撒，把外套的领子吹得风帆似的鼓起来，或是摹地来了一股子非常的力量，吹得领 ①法语：日安，爸爸。 子蒙住他的头，这样就使他老是忙着要把头钻出来。要人忽然觉得有人紧紧地把他的领子抓住了。他转过脸来，看见一个身材不高、穿着破旧的文官制服的人，并且不无恐惧地认出这人就是亚卡基·亚卡基耶维奇。官员的脸色苍自如雪，完全象个死人。可是，当要人看见死人咧开嘴，阴森森地向他嘘出坟墓似的气息，说出下面几句话的时候，他的恐惧就更无法控制了："啊！这下子可找到你了！我总算那个，把你的领子抓住了！我正需要你的外套呢！你没有给我的外套想办法，并且还骂了我现在把你的给我！"可怜的要人差点没有吓死过去。不管在办事处，一般的在下属面前，他的脾气有多么大，也不管每个人一见到他堂堂的仪表和魁梧的身躯，就要说："吓，多神气！"可是他在这时候，象许多有英武外表的人一样，害怕到了这步田地，竟并非毫无根据地担心自己要发病了。他甚至赶快自己从肩上把外套脱下来，用不自然的嗓音对车夫喊道："赶快回家！"车夫听见平时只在紧急关头对自己喊出的声音，还伴随着一种更加有效得多的动作，就把脑袋缩在肩膀中间以防不测，鞭子一挥，箭似的飞去了。大约六七分钟，要人已经回到自己的家门口，他面无人色，饱受惊吓，没有了外套，卡罗林娜·伊凡诺芙娜那儿也没有去成，却回到了家里，好容易摸到自己的卧室，啼啼咕咕地熬过了这一夜，所以第二天早晨喝茶的时候，女儿径直对他说："爸爸，你今天脸色难看极了。"可是，爸爸一声不响，他发生了些什么事，到哪儿去过，打算上哪