Chapter 6 The Story of the Quarrel Between Ivan Ivanovich and Ivan Nikiforovich - Chapter Five

In this chapter the negotiations of the two venerable men of Mirgrad are narrated. Ivan Ivanovich had just finished his household chores, and was going to rest under the eaves as usual, when he was very surprised to see something red flashing by the side door.This is the mayor's red ruffled sleeve, which, like his collar, has been polished to a glossy finish, and the edge has become like a layer of patent leather.Ivan Ivanovitch thought to himself: "Pyotr Fyodorovitch would not be so bad for a chat," but seeing the mayor walking quickly and waving his hands, which is usually the case when the mayor is Rarely, he felt very strange.There are eight buttons sewn on the mayor's uniform, the ninth was squeezed out two years ago when he participated in the procession to celebrate the opening of the church, and the police have not found it until now, although the district police chief came to make a daily report, The mayor always asked him if he had found the button.These eight buttons are sewn on his eyelets, like the beans planted by peasant women, one on the right and one on the left.His left leg was shot in the last expedition, so he walked with a limp, and let it go so far to the side, that it almost destroyed all the use of his right leg, and the more the mayor called The faster this "infantry" walks, the more disobedient he is, and he refuses to move forward.Ivan Ivanovitch, therefore, had ample time to speculate carefully as to why the mayor was waving his hands so quickly while the mayor was still in front of the gutter.This interested him especially, since the Mayor wore a new sword, and from this it seemed that the matter was of great importance. "Good day, Pyotr Fyodorovich!" cried Ivan Ivanovitch; as already stated, he was curious when he saw the mayor rushing towards the steps, but did not dare to raise them. Looking up, he only cared about arguing with his "infantry", thinking that the "infantry" would not be able to jump up the ranks at once, he became anxious and impatient.

"Good day to my dear friend and benefactor Ivan Ivanovitch!" answered the Mayor. "Sit down, please. I see you are tired from walking, because that injured leg is not very strong..." "My leg!" cried the mayor, casting Ivan Ivanovitch with the glance that a giant looks at a dwarf, or a learned man looks at a dancing master.As he spoke, he stretched out that leg and stomped on the ground.However, this courage cost him dearly, for his whole body swayed, and his nose bumped against the railing; but the wise guardian of order straightened his posture so as not to show the slightest panic, and stretched out his hand. in his pocket, as if touching a snuffbox. "I will tell you, my dear friend and benefactor Ivan Ivanovich, that I never made such a march in my life. To tell you the truth, it was a marvelous march. For example, in August In that battle in 2007...oh, let me tell you how I climbed over the fence to meet a beautiful German woman." Speaking of this, the mayor narrowed one eye, and a devilish expression emerged. A treacherous smile comes.

"Where have you been today?" said Ivan Ivanovitch, wanting to interrupt the mayor and find out the reason for his visit; he announced; but his fine knowledge of the world made him feel that it would be impolite to ask the question so straightforwardly, and Ivan Ivanovitch could only swallow his anger and wait patiently for the answer to be revealed, while his The heart beat violently. "Then, I will tell you where I have been," replied the Mayor. "Firstly, I will tell you, the weather is very fine today..." Ivan Ivanovitch almost fainted at these last words. "But please allow me," continued the Mayor. "I came to you today on an important matter," said the mayor, and the face and posture of the mayor showed the same anxious expression as when he attacked the steps just now.Ivan Ivanovitch came alive, trembling with malaria, and asked immediately, as was his custom, "What is the important thing? Is it really important?"

"You see, here's the thing: first of all I will venture to say to you, my dear friend and benefactor Ivan Ivanovitch, that you... you see, from my own point of view, of course it doesn't matter, But the government's considerations, the government's considerations demand this: You have disrupted law and order!" "What do you mean, Peter Fyodorovitch? I don't understand at all." "Bless me, Ivan Ivanovitch! How can you say you don't understand anything? You say you don't understand anything when your cattle have stolen important government documents!"

"What animal?" "Please allow me to explain, it is the brown pig at your house." "But what's my fault? Why did the judge of the court open the door!" "But, Ivan Ivanovitch, it is your cattle, so you are guilty." "Thank you with all sincerity for comparing me to a pig." "I didn't say that, Ivan Ivanovich! Really, I didn't! Think about it! You know, no doubt, that by government decree, in towns, especially in Filth cattle are forbidden in the main streets of the city. You agree that it should be forbidden." "God knows you're talking about a pig walking out into the street. What an event!"

"Let me tell you, let me, let me, Ivan Ivanovich, it's absolutely impossible. What can I do? It's an order from above, and we must obey it. I It is undeniable that sometimes chickens and geese also run into the streets and even the squares. Please pay attention: chickens and geese; but hunting and sheep are different. I issued a notice last year prohibiting them from entering the public square. That notice I It was read aloud in public at a meeting." "No, Pyotr Fyodorovitch, all I see here is that you are trying to insult me." "You, dear friend and benefactor, do not say that I am trying to insult you, just remember: you have built a roof a full argentina above the legal size, and I have not said a word to you. Instead, I pretend Believe me, my dear friend, even now I am completely, so-called ... But my duty, in short, my job, requires me to take care of the cleanliness. Think for yourself, suddenly On the main street..."

"Your main streets are so clean! Every woman throws a lot of things she doesn't need there." "Permit me to tell you, Ivan Ivanovich, that you are insulting me yourself! It is true that such things sometimes happen, but mostly by fences, in storerooms, or store-rooms; but , a pregnant sow ran into the main street, the square, that's really..." "What's the big deal, Peter, Fyodorovich! You know, pigs are God's creation!" "I agree with that. You are known to be a learned man, and you are well versed in academics and all kinds of other subjects. Of course, I have never studied any academics: I did not study until I was thirty years old. I started to learn to write cursive script, you know, I'm a rough man from the army."

"Hmph!" said Ivan Ivanovitch. "Yes," continued the mayor, "in 1801 I was a lieutenant in the fourth company of the 42nd Jagers. Our company commander, if you would like to know, was Captain Yeremeyev. "Here, the mayor dipped his fingers in the snuff-box which Ivan Ivanovich was holding with the lid open, and dipped his fingers in the snuff: Ivan Ivanovich replied: "Hum." "But it is my duty," continued the mayor, "to obey the orders of the government. You know, Ivan Ivanovitch, that stealing papers from the court is as criminal as any other crime." ."

"I know that, and I can teach you if you like. But it's about people, for example, if you steal papers; but pigs are animals, God's creatures!  … "Having said that, but the law says: Thefter... Please listen carefully: Thefter! There is no family, sex, and title here, so animals can also commit crimes. Say what you want Now, this animal must be taken to the police station as a disruptor until it is convicted." "No, Pyotr Fyodorovitch!" retorted Ivan Ivanovitch coldly, "that's impossible!" "As you please, but I must obey the orders of my superiors."

"Are you trying to frighten me? I'm afraid you'd like to send the old soldier with the missing arm to catch it. Then I'll have the old woman knock him out with pokers, and break his last arm." "I don't dare talk back to you. If you don't want to give it to the police, then do with it what you like. You can kill it and have it for Christmas if you like, Make it into bacon, or kill it like that. But if you make sausages, then I ask you to send me two, the ones that make your family's Japuka so delicious with pig's blood and fat Give me two of these sausages. My Nagrafina Trofimovna likes them."

"The invitation must be sent to you." "Thank you, dear friend and benefactor. Allow me now to say one more word to you: I am entrusted by the judge and all our acquaintances to give you and your friend Ivan Nikiforovitch, The so-called mediation mediation." "What! With that bastard! Make me reconcile with that savage! Impossible! It can't be done, it can't be done!" Ivan Ivanovich said with great determination. "As you please," replied the Mayor, stuffing snuff into both nostrils. "I dare not give any advice; but I will say to Hai: You are quarreling now, but if you make peace..." But Ivan Ivanovich was now talking about the crow-hunting, and when he wanted to change the subject he usually veered away from it. In this way, the mayor got nothing and had to go back to his home.