Chapter 5 The Story of the Quarrel Between Ivan Ivanovich and Ivan Nikiforovich - Chapter Four

What happened in the courtroom at the Milgrad County Courthouse Mirgrad is a beautiful city!What kind of buildings do not exist in the city!The roofs were of straw, of reeds, and even of wood; the street was on the right, the street on the left, and here and there were neat fences; the fence was coiled with hops, hung green peas, and behind it sunflowers rose The sun-like head, the poppy blushing face, the fat pumpkin looming... What a beautiful scenery!The fence is always adorned with various things that make it even more picturesque: a stretched skirt, an undershirt, or a pair of trousers.There is no stealing or cheating in Mirgorad, so everyone can hang what he wants.If you approach the square, you must stop and admire this view: there is a puddle there, a wonderful puddle!The most outstanding puddles you will ever see!It occupies almost the entire square.A beautiful puddle!Some large and small houses that look like haystacks from a distance surround it, admiring its beauty.

But, I don't think there's a better house than the county courthouse.Whether it's oak or bastard is none of my business: but, gentlemen, it has eight windows!A row of eight windows.Facing the square directly, and opening the window, there is a large puddle in the suburbs that I have already mentioned and was called a lake by the mayor!Only this one house was painted the color of granite: all the other houses in Milgrad were simply painted white.Its roofs are all made of wood, and would even be painted red, if the clerks had not, as if to break the rules, dipped the onions and ate the oil prepared for it during fasting.But since then, the roof has been left unpainted.The steps jut out into the square, and some hens used to run about on them, because the steps are almost always strewn with grains or something edible, however, not on purpose, but entirely through the negligence of the litigants. for the sake.The house is divided into two parts: one side is the court, the other side is the detention center.On that side of the courtroom, there are two clean, whitewashed rooms: one is a waiting room for litigants; the other is dotted with ink-stained desks.There is a token of justice on the table.There are four high-backed oak chairs in the room; against the wall is a metal box, in which the files of the county's gossip are kept.At that time, on one of the boxes, there was a pair of polished leather boots.Trials started early in the morning in the courtroom.The judge was a rather stout man, though a little thinner than Ivan Nikiforovich, with a kindly face, in an oil-stained robe, with a pipe and a teacup, and was chatting with the clerk .The judge's lips were set so tightly under his nose that his nose could sniff the upper lip as often as it liked.The upper lip served him in the place of the snuffbox, since the snuff delivered to the nose was almost always sprinkled on it.Let's say the judge is chatting with the clerk.A barefoot maid stood by with a tea tray.

At one end of the table the clerk was reading the judgment, but he read it in such a monotonous, listless tone that even the defendant would have fallen asleep listening to it.The Judge would no doubt have gone to bed before all else, if he had not been absorbed by a curious conversation at that moment. "I've been wondering," said the Judge, taking a sip of his tea from the cold glass, "how they can sing so well. I had a wonderful thrush two years ago. Guess what? All of a sudden, it's over. God knows what an ugly tune it sings. The more it sings, the worse it gets, the worse it gets! My tongue curls up, my voice is hoarse, and I want to throw it away! Actually, The reason is very simple! It’s just a matter of love: a scar smaller than a pea grows under the throat. It only needs to be pierced with a needle. This is Chahar Prokofievitch Taught me, that is, if you like, I will tell you, it is this: I went to his house ... ".

"Excuse me, Demyan Demyanovitch, would you like to read the second one?" interrupted the clerk, who had been reading for several minutes. "Have you read it? How fast, you say! I didn't hear a word: where is the verdict? Here, I'll sign it. What else do you have?" "The Case of the Cossack Bokitika Stealing Cattle." "Well, read it! Yes, I'll go to his house... I'll even tell you in detail how he entertained me. There's smoked sturgeon with the wine, which is unique! It's not our place Smoked sturgeon," said the judge, flicking his tongue and smiling, while sniffing his nose at his usual snuff-box, "not the kind sold in our Mirgrad grocer. I don't eat it. Sturgeon, because, you know, it causes gas pains, and it hurts the bottom of my heart. But I tasted the caviar; Peach wine infused. And wine infused with saffron; but wine infused with saffron, you know, I don't drink it. You see, it's a good way to eat it: it's called first stimulation Appetite, and then I will make you gobble it up... Ah, what a rarity..." The judge saw Ivan Ivanovitch coming in, and suddenly cried out.

"God bless you! How are you!" said Ivan Ivanovitch, saluting all around him with characteristic modesty.My God, how he can confuse everyone with his appearance!I have never seen such a gentle person like him.He is well aware of his strengths, so he takes everyone's respect for granted.The judge himself offered Ivan Ivanovitch a chair, and his nose sucked all the snuff above his upper lip, which was often the greatest sign of satisfaction for him. "What do you want, Ivan Ivanovitch?" he asked. "Shall I have a cup of tea?" "No, thank you," answered Ivan Ivanovitch, got up, saluted, and sat down.

"Bonus me, have a drink!" repeated the judge. "No, thank you. I am very grateful for your kindness!" answered Ivan Ivanovitch, got up, saluted, and sat down again. "Have a drink," the judge repeated. "No, you're welcome, Demyan Demyanovitch!" he said, saluted, and sat down again. "A small drink?" "I'll be ashamed of you if you insist again!" said Ivan Ivanovitch, reaching out to the tea tray.My goodness!A person's gentleness is really brought to the extreme!It is impossible to describe what a pleasant impression such a gesture made!

"No longer a small glass?" "That's enough, thank you," answered Ivan Ivanovitch, putting the overturned teacup on the tray and bowing. "Do me a favor, Ivan Ivanovitch!" "No more. Thank you very much," said Ivan Ivanovitch, and sat down again with a salute. "Ivan Ivanovitch, for the sake of friendship, have a little glass!" "No, I'm really ashamed of your kindness." Having said this, Ivan Ivanovitch saluted and sat down again. "Just one drink! A small one!" Ivan Ivanovitch reached out to the tea tray and took a glass.

Oh, what a wicked way!How good is the human being at maintaining his dignity! "I, Demyan Demyanovitch," said Ivan Ivanovitch, drinking the last sip of his tea, "I have something important to trouble you: I want to sue." Ivan Ivanovitch put down his teacup and took out of his pocket a piece of paper with writing on it. "I sue my enemy, my sworn enemy." "Sue whom?" "Ivan Nikiforovitch Tovgochkhon." The judge almost fell off his chair when he heard this. "What did you say!" he said, clapping his hands on his knees. "Ivan Ivanovitch! Did you say that?"

"You saw it with your own eyes, and I say so." "God bless you and all the saints! What! You! Ivan Ivanovitch! Ivan Nikiforovitch's friend! Is your mouth talking? Say it again! It's no one else! People are hiding behind your back and taking your place?  …" "What's so hard to believe? I'm pissed off looking at him; he's done me a fatal insult, and damaged my reputation." "Holy Father, Holy Son, Holy Spirit! How can I explain it to my mother and make her believe it! Every day, when I quarrel with my sister, the old man will say: Son, you are like two dogs, always fighting You have to follow the example of Ivan Ivanovich and Ivan Nikiforovitch. If you talk about friends, that's friends: that's true friends! Those are two respectable A character! - Now you mention your friend, please tell me, what is going on? What is it for?"

"It's a delicate matter, Demyan Demyanovitch! I can't get it out of my mouth. You'd better read the paper. Now, take this end, it's easier to hold it that way." "Read it again, Taras Tihonovitch!" said the judge, turning his head, to the clerk. Taras Tihonovich picked up the Kenwen and, like all county court clerks, helped with his two fingers.I blew my nose and began to say: The nobleman and landowner of the Mirgrad County, Petrebenko, the son of Ivan Ivan, hereby submits a letter to the Junyuan, which contains the following points: 1. On July 6, 1800, Tofugochhong, the son of the nobleman Ivan Nikifor, committed a fatal insult and publicly injured My reputation is derogatory to Yu's official title and surname.This aristocrat is ugly in appearance and violent in nature. He always provokes troubles, speaks rude words, and slanders the gods!

At this point, the scribe paused to blow his nostrils again, and the judge folded his hands reverently, and said to himself: "What a smooth writing! My God! How can this man write!" Ivan Ivanovitch begged to read on; so Tarajo Tikhonovich continued: Yu Zhuan sincerely paid homage to him, and pleaded that he would not want the nobleman Ivan Nikifor's son, Tofugochhon, to openly put unbearable obscenities on Yu, calling Yu a gander, but Mirgrad Everyone in the county knows that Yu has never been named after such filthy animals, and will never be named after them in the future.The household registration book kept in the Sanbishop Church contains Yu's date of birth and baptism, which is sufficient proof of Yu's noble origin.Anyone with a little knowledge knows that male geese are not allowed to be registered in the household registration book) Gai male goose is a bird, not a human being, and the world's people, even those who have not entered school, also understand this truth, and they should have ulterior motives The nobleman, pretending not to know, humiliated each other with obscene words, and the intention of beating him must be to add more to the party. After the insult, he will be happy. 2. The same vile nobles conspired to usurp the ancestral property inherited from my father Ivan Onisi's son Petrebenko (who had served as a priest) by despicable and vicious means, and moved the goose shed in disregard of any law. As far as Yu Yizhang is far away, the purpose is only to deepen the insult to Yu; the goose shed is standing in a suitable place, and it is extremely strong, so there is no need to move it.The despicable attempts of the above-mentioned nobles can only be seen when they are forced to see the ugly scene; anyone who is performing a noble business will never enter a barn, let alone a goose pen.When he committed illegal acts, the two front pillars of the goose shed even encroached on the land donated by his father Ivan Onisi's son Petrebenko. The place where the kettle is washed.3. The above-mentioned aristocrats, hearing their names, are disgusting, but they harbor evil thoughts; they want to burn the rest in their private houses.Here are the following points to prove it: First, the insidious nobleman often stepped out of the house to be fat and lazy, which was never done in the past; In the servant's room adjacent to the land inherited by Ke and separated only by a wall, the lights are always on and will not go out for a long time. As mentioned above, the nobleman Ivan Ejifort plotted arson and embezzled property in Tofugochhong. He not only insulted Yu's official title and surname, but also imposed a bad reputation on Yu as a public post. They should be fined and ordered to compensate for litigation costs and other losses. Those who violate the law and cause chaos should be shackled and sent to the city prison to make an example.I am very grateful to beg the Jun Court for a speedy and fair ruling.Presented by Perely Benko, son of Ivan Ivan, lord of Mirgrad, nobleman. Having read the pleadings, the judge went up to Ivan Ivanovitch, took him by a button, and said almost to him: "What are you doing, Ivan Ivanovitch? Fear God! Throw away the paper, let it be destroyed without a trace! (Let it go to the devil!) You'd better shake hands with Ivan Nikiforovitch, kiss and buy some mulberries Turin's, or Nicopol's, or just make up some concoction, and ask me to be company! Let's have a drink or two, and forget all about it!" "No, Demyan Demyanovitch! That's not the case," said Ivan Ivanovitch, with the dignity that always befitted him. "It's not a matter of friendly negotiation. Good-bye! Good-bye, gentlemen!" he continued, turning to them all, with the same solemnity. "I hope my case will have the desired effect." Leaving all the people present in a daze, he walked away. The judge sat without saying a word.The clerk snuffed his snuff, the clerks overturned a broken tile that had served as an inkpot, and the judge absently fingered a puddle of ink on the table. "What do you say about it, Dorofi Trofimovitch?" said the judge to the clerk after a moment's silence. "I can't answer it," replied the clerk. "Such a strange thing!" continued the judge.Before he could finish his words, the door opened with a bang, and the first half of Ivan Nikiforovich squeezed into the courtroom, while the second half remained in the waiting room.The appearance of Ivan Nikiforovitch, and his presence in the courtroom, seemed so out of the ordinary that the judge could not help crying out; the clerk interrupted the reading.A clerk in a shaggy frock-like dress held a pen in his mouth; another swallowed a scorpion.A crippled soldier who also served as messenger and tinker stood at the door, scratching his dirty shirt; with an epaulet pinned to his shoulder, he even opened his mouth and stepped on someone's foot. "What wind brought you here! How is it? How are you, Ivan Nikiforovich?" But Ivan Nikiforovitch was struggling half-dead, because he was stuck in the door and could neither step forward nor step back.In vain the judge shouted into the anteroom, hoping that someone there would push Ivan Nikiforovitch into the courtroom from behind.In the waiting room there was only an old woman in a lawsuit, and despite all the strength of her bony hands, it was of no avail.At that moment a clerk with thick lips, broad shoulders, a big nose, squinting and drunken eyes, with a large lump on the cuff of his sleeve approached the first half of Ivan Nikiforovitch, and moved his hand as if he were a child. They crossed each other, and winked at the old disabled soldier, who knocked Ivan Nikiforovich's stomach with his knee, and despite him screaming in pain, was pushed back to the Went to the interrogation room.Then he pulled the latch and opened the other half of the door.At this moment, the clerk and his assistant, the disabled soldier, breathed out such a strong ambiguity due to the exhaustion of their lives, that the courtroom was temporarily turned into a hotel. "Didn't it hurt you, Ivan Nikiforovitch? I'm going to tell my mother, and she'll bring you a potion, just rub it on your waist and back and you'll be all right." But Ivan Nikiforovich sank down on a chair, unable to utter a word, except groaning and groaning incessantly.At last he said in a weak, almost inaudible voice from fatigue: "Would you like to smell a little?" Taking a snuff-box from his pocket, he added: "Smell a little, please." !" "Very pleased to see you," replied the judge. "But I still don't understand, what's your business, the Lord Labor's visit to our office, so that I get such unexpected pleasure." "A paper is to be delivered..." was all Ivan Nikiforovitch could say. "Complaint? What petition?" "Complaint..." At this point there was a long pause with a gasp: "Oh! . . . sue that liar . . . Ivan Ivanovitch Perebenko." "My God! Sue me too! Such a rare friend! Sue such a kind and gentle man! . . . " "He's a devil!" said Ivan Nikiforovitch, out of breath. The judge made the sign of the cross. "Take the report, please read it once." "No way, read it, Taras Tihonovich," said the judge, turning to the clerk with an air of displeasure, while involuntarily sniffing his upper lip with his nose, as he usually did only in very pleasant moments. time to do so.This self-assertive behavior of the nose annoyed the judge even more.He took out his handkerchief and wiped all the snuff from his upper lip as a punishment for its audacity.The clerk performed the customary gesture which was indispensable to him every time he began to read, that is, after blowing his nose without the aid of a handkerchief, he began to read in his customary voice: Tofugochhong, the son of Ivan Nikifor, a nobleman of Mirgrad County, hereby appealed to the Junyuan, with the following points: 1. The self-proclaimed aristocrat Ivan. Ivan's son Petrebenko has vicious intentions and bad intentions. He uttered obscene words, infringed wantonly, and committed all kinds of conspiratorial and vicious acts to Yu. .The bandits, armed with axes, chisels, saws, and other forging tools, took advantage of the silence of the night to sneak into Yu's courtyard and completely destroyed the barn in the courtyard. Their intentions were extremely despicable.Yu usually treats people with loyalty and kindness, why he committed such illegal and robbery behaviors is really puzzling to Bai En. 2. The same nobleman Pirelie Bianke even conspired to hurt Yu's life. On the 7th of last month, he visited Yu's house with murderous intent in mind, pretending to be courteous and treacherous, and wanted to force the rifle left in the room by force. He is allowed to exchange some worthless items, such as a brown pig and two bags of oats. He is stingy by nature, and from this one end, he can take the rest.At that time, Yu saw his goodness and tried his best to dissuade him. The despicable thug Ivan Ivan's son Petrebenko slapped him with a vicious tongue, uttered indecent words, and insulted Yu in every possible way.But there are some advanced ones, the well-dressed beast Ivan Ivan's son Petrebenko was also born in a very humble background, his sister is a slut, and the scandal comes from the boudoir. The hunter who got it went with him, but his husband was registered as a farmer in the household registration book.Both father and mother are also illegal and disciplined, and they are unimaginable alcoholics.After the evil deeds of Ivan Ivan, the son of Ivan Ivan, the villain!Especially above his relatives, he pretends to be devout, and performs the practice of warding off evil spirits.The apostate did not keep his fast. On the eve of Advent, he bought a sheep and made candles on the pretext that he had to buy fat to fuel the lamp. The next day he ordered his illegitimate concubine Gapka to slaughter it. In accordance with the above, I beseech the gentleman, that is, the robber, the thief of holy things, ① Counting from the fourteenth day of the 11th month in the Russian calendar, this period is called the Feast of Advent, and fasting is required for forty days. Liars who committed the crime of theft shall be handcuffed, handed over to prisons or national punishment prisons, and the severity of the sentence shall be considered, their official titles and noble titles shall be deprived, they shall be severely whipped, and if necessary, they shall be sent to Siberia for several years of hard labor, and shall be ordered to It compensates for litigation costs and other losses, and hereby presents the cause of the case, and Fuqi makes a ruling.Presented by Tofugochhong, son of Ivan Nikifor, nobleman of Mirgrad County. As soon as the narrator had finished reading, Ivan Nikiforovitch took up his hat, saluted, and turned away. "Where are you going, Ivan Nikiforovitch?" said the judge, following him. "Sit down a while: have a cup of tea! Oreshko! Why are you standing there, silly girl, winking at the clerks, go, get some tea!" But Ivan Nikiforovich, fearing that being so far away from home, would suffer his life like a dangerous quarantine plague, crept out of the door and said: "You're welcome..." All the people present were stunned and overwhelmed, slammed the door and walked away.There is no way.Both petitions were accepted, and the case was about to become a sensational news, when an unexpected episode added more interest to it.When the judge came out of the courtroom, accompanied by clerks and clerks, and the clerks packed into cloth bags the litigants' chickens, eggs, loaves, pies, fries, and other odds and ends, A brown pig ran into the room and, to the astonishment of those present, took away neither the pie nor the crust of bread, but alone the Ivan Nicholas, which was lying on the table, with several pages hanging at an angle. Kiforovich's submission.The brown sow took the official document and ran out so fast that none of the officials in the yamen could catch up to her, even though they threw their rulers and ink pots. This extraordinary incident caused such a commotion that not even a copy of the petition had yet been produced.The judge, the clerk, and the clerk discussed this unheard-of situation for a long time; finally, it was decided to report the case to the mayor, because the trial of this case had more to do with the city police department.Letter No. 389 was sent to the mayor the same day, and it resulted in a very interesting interpretation, which the reader will find out in the next chapter.