Chapter 4 The Story of the Quarrel Between Ivan Ivanovich and Ivan Nikiforovich - Chapter Three

What happened after the quarrel between Ivan Ivanovich and Ivan Nikiforovich? Thus, two venerable men, Mirgrad's honor and ornament, quarreled with each other!for what?For a trivial matter.For the gander.They vowed not to see each other again and severed all ties, but everyone knows that they were good friends who could not be separated even for a moment!As usual, Ivan Ivanovitch and Ivan Nikiforovitch sent people to greet each other every day, and they often chatted with each other on the terrace in such a cheerful way that people were very happy to hear it.On Sundays, Ivan Ivanovitch, in a silk jacket, and Ivan Nikirovovich, in a tan cotton frock, almost always went to church together arm in arm.If Ivan Ivanovitch, with his sharp eyes, sees a puddle or some other dirt in the street (as is often the case in Mirgrad), he will always tell Ivan Ivanovich Kiforovitch said: "Be careful, don't step on it, it's not easy to walk here." As for Ivan Nikiforovich, he also made a touching friendly gesture, no matter how far he stood, he always stood there. He held out a hand with a snuff-horn to Ivan Ivanovitch, and added: "Please!" Besides, what a fortune each of them had! ...But these two good friends... When I heard the news, it was like a thunderbolt hit me on the head!For a long time I could not believe my ears: O just God!Ivan Ivanovich has quarreled with Ivan Nikiforovich!Such two respectable characters!What is there to trust in this world now?

When Ivan Ivanovitch returned home, he was still for a long time in a state of intense excitement.Usually he would first go to the stables to see if the horse was grazing (Ivan Ivanovich had a pale yellow stallion with a small white spot on its forehead. It was a fine horse. secondly, stretch out his hands to feed the turkey and the piglets; then he goes into the house, or makes wooden utensils (his hands are very dexterous, and he can use wood to make various utensils, no worse than a turner), Or read a book (Ivan Ivanovich does not remember the title, because the maid has long ago torn off the top half of the title page to coax the children) by Luby, Barry, and Popov, and then Otherwise, rest under the canopy.Now, he is not in the mood to do any of these usual homework.Unlike usual, when he saw Gapuka, he began to curse at the street, blaming her for loitering and not doing her work; although in fact she was carrying grain to the kitchen; a rooster came up to the steps to beg He threw his cane at it for the usual alms; when a dirty urchin in a ripped shirt ran up to him and cried, "Papa, papa, give me gingerbread," he did so viciously to the child. Staring and stomping, the child was so frightened that he ran away without knowing where.

In the end, though, he got his mind off and went about his day-to-day business.He ate late, and did not lie down under the eaves until almost evening.Gapuka's delicious pigeon beet soup completely dispelled the morning's idleness.Ivan Ivanovitch resumed his domestic duties to the fullest, and at last he cast his eyes on the adjoining yard and said to himself: "I haven't gone to Ivan Nikiforovich yet today." I've been to my house. I'll go to him now." Having said this, Ivan Ivanovich took up his cane and hat, and went out into the street, but as soon as he stepped out of the gate, he suddenly remembered the quarrel. He spit out a mouthful of saliva, turned around and walked back.Almost the same thing happened next door in Ivan Nikiforovich's yard.Ivan Ivanovitch saw that the woman had already stepped over the fence and was about to climb into his yard, when Ivan Nirovitch suddenly heard Ivan Nirovich shout: "Come back! Come back! Don't go!" Come, Ivan Ivanovitch was very lonely.It is probable that this pair of respectable persons will be reconciled the next day, if a peculiar accident in Ivan Nikiforovitch's house does not put out all hope and add fuel to the dying flames of hatred.

That same evening Agafya Fedoseyevna came to Ivan Nikiforovitch's.Agafya Fedoseyevna was not a relation of Ivan Nikiforovitch, nor his aunt, nor his god-in-law.She seemed to have no reason at all for coming to his house, and besides, he himself did not welcome her very much; but she came and stayed for weeks, sometimes longer.When she came, she took the key and took the whole house into her own hands.This displeased Ivan Nikiforovitch, but, strange to say, he obeyed her like a child, and sometimes tried to argue, but Agafya Fedoseyevna always took the lead. Upwind. I have to admit, I don't know why things are arranged in this way: women can always hold our noses so skillfully, like pinching the handle of a teapot?If their hands were not made for that, our noses must be useless for nothing else.Although Ivan Nikiforovich's nose was somewhat like a plum, she seized his nose and made him run after her like a dog, and in her presence he had to change his usual life. Method: not lying down in the sun for so long, and even lying down without revealing the remains of his parents, but always wearing a shirt and trousers, although Agafya Fedoseyevna never asked him to this way.She was informal and used to rub Ivan Nikiforovich from head to toe with turpentine and vinegar when he had malaria.Agafya Fedoseyevna wore a bonnet, a mole on her nose, and a coffee-colored room dress with yellow flowers.Her whole body is like a barrel, so seeing her waist is as difficult as trying to see your own nose without a mirror)) Her legs are short, according to the two due to the style of the pillow.She likes to gossip, eats boiled beetroot every morning, and scolding is her specialty-when it comes to these various things, her face does not change for a moment the expression that usually only women will show.

When she arrived, everything turned upside down. "You, Ivan Nikiforovitch, don't reconcile with him, don't apologize: he wants to empty you, that's what he is! You don't know him yet," the damned woman kept babbling, Nagging, after all Ivan Nikiforovitch did not even want to hear Ivan Ivanovitch mentioned. The situation changed completely: if the neighbor's dog came into this yard, people would give it a good beating if they caught anything; The shirt was turned up, revealing whiplash scars down the spine.Even the old woman, when Ivan Ivanovitch wanted to ask her something, showed such insolence that Ivan Ivanovitch, who was usually very refined, had to spit Spit, and add a sentence: "This ball bitch! Worse than her master!"

In the end, all these insults were carried to the extreme, and the neighbor, who hated him deeply like a sea, pointed straight at his house, and built a goose shed where he usually climbed the fence, as if deliberately deepening the insult.This goose shed, which Ivan Ivanovitch hated so much, was completed in one day at a speed of ecstasy. This incident aroused in Ivan Ivanovitch evil thoughts and desires for revenge.Although the goose shed even took up part of his land, he did not show any signs of gloom.But one of his hearts was beating so hard that it was difficult for him to maintain this outward calm.

He passed the day like this.Night falls, ... oh, if I were a painter, I'd paint night beautifully in all its charms!I would paint all Mirgrad in sleep; countless stars looking at it motionless; the general silence broken by great barking far and near; The spirit climbed over the fence; the fleshy walls of the house were whiter and whiter than the moonlight, and the swaying trees were thick.The darker it is, the darker the tree shadows fall on the ground, the more fragrant the flowers and quiet grass are, and the crickets, these knights of the night who are constantly mobbing, burst into song from every corner.I would picture a bushy-browed girl with heaving young breasts in a low earthen hut, tossing and turning in a lonely bed, dreaming of hussar beards and spurs, while the moonlight was on her cheeks smiling.I could paint the black shadows of bats crouching on the white chimneys of houses and flickering on the white avenue... But I could not paint Ivan Ivanovitch who went out that night with a saw in his hand.How many different expressions were carved on his face!Quietly, stealthily, he crawled under the goose shed.Ivan Nikiforovich's dog, not yet aware of their quarrel, made him the author's friend and made him approach the goose shed supported on four oak posts; Next to the pile, hold the saw close to it and start sawing.The sound of the saw made him turn round every moment; but the courage returned at the insult.The first stake was sawn through; Ivan Ivanovich set to work to saw the second.His eyes were burning, unable to see anything from fear.Ivan Ivanovich suddenly uttered a cry, and was stupefied with fright: he seemed to see a dead man; but he soon came to himself, recognized it as a goose, stretched out its neck towards him, Ivan Ivic spit in anger, and went on working harder.The second stake was also sawn off: the building wobbled a bit.When he began to saw the third, Ivan Ivanovitch's heart beat so violently that he stopped working several times; more than half had been sawed off, and suddenly the unstable building shook violently... ...Ivan Ivanovich managed to get out of the way when it collapsed with a loud crash.He picked up the saw and ran home in a panic, throwing himself on the bed, not even daring to look out the window at the results of his dreadful work.It seemed to him that all Ivan Nikiforovitch's family had assembled: the old woman, Ivan Nikiforovitch, the children in frock coats, all with clubs in their hands, being captured by Agafya Faye. Toseyevna, at the head, came to smash and demolish his house.

All the next day Ivan Ivanovitch passed as if in a fever.He always felt that the neighbors who hated him like a sea would at least come and burn his house to get revenge for this incident.Therefore, he ordered Gapka to look around every moment to see if there was any dry straw.In the end, in order to beat Ivan Nikiforovitch, he decided to take the first step and sue him at the Mirgrad courthouse.What to write in the petition will be known in the next chapter.