Chapter 5 full moon - 1

In late autumn, Eriko died. A man of unusual temperament pestered her and killed her.The man fell in love with Eriko the first time he saw her on the street, followed her, and learned that the bar where she worked was run by transsexuals.He wrote a long letter, saying that she, who was so beautiful, was actually a man, which greatly stimulated him.This is where I spend my days at the bar.The more soft-hearted he was, the more cold Eriko and other people in the bar were to him. One night, he suddenly yelled "You think I'm a fool" and stabbed Eriko with a knife.Eriko, blood streaming from her body, swung the decorative iron bar on the counter with both hands and killed the prisoner.

"This is self-defense, is it not a crime?" These were the last words she said. ...When I, Mikage Sakurai, learned of this, it was already after winter.It took a long time after the funeral was settled before Yuichi called me. "The man fought valiantly and died." Yuichi said suddenly.It was one o'clock in the middle of the night.The phone rang in the darkness, I jumped up and grabbed the receiver, but when I heard this sentence, I was completely confused.In his bewildered mind, images of war movies dimly emerged. "Yuichi, what? What did you say?" I asked again and again.After a moment of silence, Yuichi said:

"Mother...uh, it should be called father, he was killed." I don't understand.I can't understand.I held my breath and waited quietly.Yuichi seemed to be reluctant to tell, so he started to tell the story of Eriko's death little by little.I couldn't believe it more and more, my eyes were dull, and I felt that the microphone was far away from me. "When... was that? Now, just now?" I asked.However, I don't quite know where my voice came from or what it said. "...No, it happened a long time ago. The funeral held by the people in the bar is also over... Sorry, no matter what. No matter what, I can't tell you."

There was a huge pain in my heart, as if a piece of flesh had been gouged out.Then she's gone.It's nowhere now. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry." Yuichi apologized again. Nothing came over the phone.I couldn't see Yuichi's figure in front of my eyes.I didn't know at all whether I wanted to cry or laugh wildly; if I wanted to express my feelings slowly, or to ask him to leave me alone. "Yuichi, I'll go over right away. Can I go over there? I want to look at your face and talk." I say. "Well, I'll take you back, don't worry."

Yuichi agreed, but that tone still couldn't fully convey his emotions. "Then goodbye." I said, put down the phone. —Ah, when was the last time you saw Eriko?Did you part with a smile?My thoughts came flooding in like lightning.In early fall, I simply dropped out of school to work as an assistant to a culinary expert, and immediately moved out of the Tanabe house.During the half a year when my grandmother passed away and I was alone, I lived with Yuichi and my mother, Eriko, who was actually a man, at the Tanabe house... When we moved, was that the last time we saw each other?Eriko cried for a while and said, not far away, come to play on the weekend... No, I saw her at the end of last month.By the way, it was that time in a small shopping mall in the middle of the night.

I couldn't sleep, so I went to buy pudding.Eriko and the girls who were actually men who worked in the store happened to be off work, drinking paper cups of coffee and eating spiced vegetable skewers at the entrance of the mall.As soon as I called Eriko, she took my hand and said with a smile that I had lost a lot of weight since I left her house.She is wearing a blue dress. When I came out after buying pudding, Eriko was holding a paper cup in one hand, staring at the colorful street in the darkness with piercing eyes.I joked to her that Eriko looked like a man.Eriko burst into a smile and said, where, our girl is full of nonsense, I am afraid that puberty has begun.I replied, I am already an adult.The girls in the store laughed.Then Eriko said goodbye with a smile and asked me to go to her house to play.That was the last time.

It took me half a day to find a small toothbrush and face towel for travel.I almost had a nervous breakdown.Drawers opened and closed, closed and opened; opened the bathroom door, looked and looked; knocked over the vase, then wiped the floor, wiped and then knocked over; Can't help laughing wryly.Close your eyes and tell yourself to be calm and calm.I finally put my toothbrush and face towel in my bag, checked the gas and the answering phone a few times, and then staggered out of the apartment. When I became more conscious, I was already on my way to Tanabe's winter night.Under the starry sky, I fiddled with the keys and walked, tears pouring out uncontrollably.The road, the ground under our feet, the silent street, looked hot and crooked.Immediately, I felt oppressed and unbearable.I gulped in the cold air, but it felt like I could only take in a little air.The cold wind was blowing, and there seemed to be a sharp thing in the depths of the eyes, which was gradually becoming cold.The usual familiar street lights, parked cars, and dark sky have become blurred and unrecognizable.Everything seems to be separated by a layer of steaming heat, just like a surreal picture, strangely crooked, flickering, and rushing towards the eyes.I felt my heat burst out from my whole body, uncontrollable, and disappeared into the darkness with a hissing sound.

I was a child when my parents died.I was in love when my grandfather died.When my grandmother died, I was alone.I feel more alone now than I did then. From the bottom of my heart, I longed to move forward, to survive.Tomorrow must come, and the day after tomorrow must come, day after day, week after week, and of course the next week will come in the meantime.I never thought that time could be so troublesome.This must be the reason why I live in a sad mood all day long, and I hate this kind of life from the bottom of my heart.The heart is stormy, the night road is peaceful and peaceful, and the reflection of me walking on the road looks sad and gloomy.

I think, to end all this as soon as possible, as long as I see Yuichi and listen to Yuichi's detailed explanation, it will be over.But so what, it doesn't help.It was like the first break of the cold rain in the dark night, with no hope at all, a small undercurrent flowing into a more bottomless current of despair. In a trance, I rang the doorbell of Tanabe's house.I accidentally didn't take the elevator, and climbed the stairs to the tenth floor, panting heavily from exhaustion. I heard Yuichi's footsteps approaching the door, it was so familiar and friendly.When I lived here, I often forgot to bring the key out, and I didn't know how many times I rang the doorbell in the middle of the night.Every time Xiongqi stood up, the sound of unchaining the door sounded.

The door opened, revealing Yuichi's slightly slender face, and he called out: "Hi." "Long time no see." I greeted him with a smile that I couldn't help but was very happy about it.Seeing Yuichi, I am truly happy from the bottom of my heart. "Can I go in?" I said to the dull Yuichi.Yuichi woke up suddenly, and smiled weakly. "Well, that goes without saying... I thought you'd be very annoyed, so I was a little surprised. Sorry, please come in." "I," I said, "don't get offended by things like that. You know that."

Yuichi let out a "hmm", with some reluctance to put on his usual smile.I smiled back, took off my shoes and walked in. I lived in this house not long ago, and although I felt a little restless at first for no reason, I got used to the atmosphere here immediately, and a unique sense of intimacy welled up in my heart.I sank deep into the sofa, and just as I was thinking, Yuichi brought coffee. "I feel like I haven't been here for a long time." I say. "Yeah, you're busy. How's work going? Is it fun?" Yuichi asked slowly. "Well, everything is interesting now, even peeling sweet potatoes is fun. It's the time to be full of interest." I said with a smile. Yuichi put down his glass and suddenly got to the point. "Tonight, my head became normal. I figured I had to tell you, right now. So I called." Sitting in a listening posture, I leaned forward and fixed my eyes on Yuichi.Yuichi started talking. "During the funeral, I couldn't figure out what was going on, what was going on, what was going on, what was going on, what was going on, what was going on, what was going on in my head, and there was darkness in front of my eyes. That person was the only person I lived with. It was my mother and my father. It has been like this since I was sensible, so it is better than me. I was even more panicked than I imagined. There were a lot of things to do, but I was dizzy all day, and I was fine lying down. Hey, the death of that person was as unusual as the others. Anyway, it was a criminal case. The prisoner's wife , The kids come and go, and the girls in the bar are messing around; I can't deal with it like the eldest son, so things don't end. But Meiying, you are still in my heart, really, I have never forgotten But I can't make a phone call. Once I tell you, it's all true. I'm afraid. After my mother who was my father died like that, I'm afraid I'm really alone. Even so, that person is to you , is also a very close person. But I didn't inform you, thinking about it now, I must be crazy." Yuichi stared at the cup in his hand, and said to himself. I watched him devastated. "Around us," what came out of me was, "there is always endless death. My parents, grandfather, grandmother, the mother who gave birth to you, and Eriko, it's amazing. The universe We are so big, but there are no two of us. If we happen to be by chance, it is really extraordinary...Die, die!" "Yeah." Xiong Yi smiled. "If the two of us live next to someone who wants to die, we can do death business. Although this kind of business is too negative." Yuichi's smile was desolate and clear, like a fading light.The night is getting deeper and deeper.He looked back at the night scene outside the window, the lights outside the window were dotted and flickering.Looking down from a height, the street is inlaid with light spots, and the long traffic flows into a river of light, flowing in the night. "He became an orphan after all." Yuichi said. "It's my second time, and I'm not boasting." As soon as I said that, big tears suddenly fell from Yuichi's eyes. "I'd love to hear your jokes," Yuichi said, wiping his eyes with his wrist. "I really want to hear it." I stretched out my arms, hugged Yuichi's head tightly, and said "Thank you for the call". In memory of Eriko, I ordered a red sweater that she always wears. I remember Eriko asked me to try on this sweater one night.She said that such an expensive sweater, Meiying fits well, it's annoying, annoying. Then, Yuu handed me all her suicide notes that were in the drawer of the dressing table, said "good night", and went back to his room.I read that "suicide note" by myself. Yuichi: It feels so awkward to write a letter to my own child.But recently, I feel that there is danger around me, and I am writing to you because I am afraid that something bad will happen.This is just a joke.Let's both read it with a smile in the future. However, Yuichi, if you think about it, if I die, you will be left alone.Not with Meiying.That kid needs to be taken seriously.We have no relatives.When I married your mother, I severed my relationship with my relatives.When I became a woman, people said they cursed me.Don't contact grandparents even if you are really helpless, understand? Yuichi, there are all kinds of people in this world, and I also find it hard to understand.Some people live in the dark mud; some people are deliberately disgusting and attracting attention, the more so, the more difficult it is to extricate themselves.I can't understand this kind of psychology.No matter how hard such a person struggles for no reason, he is not worthy of sympathy.I try to live my life with optimism.I am beautiful, I am radiant and charming.People who are attracted to me, if I don't mean to, there is nothing to do, like taxes.So if I was killed, it must have been an accident.Don't let your imagination run wild.You have to trust me in front of you. Only this letter, I tried my best to write it in a masculine language, but I couldn't get it right.I am too ashamed to write.I thought that despite being a woman for so long, there would always be some aspects of my male self, the old self still functioning.But I have become a woman in body and mind, a mother worthy of the name.so funny. I love my life, whether it was when I was a man, when I married your mother, when your mother died, when I became a woman, raised you, and spent time together ...Ah, taking in Meiying, that is my greatest joy!I always want to see Meiying.That child is also my precious child. what!I was so sentimental. Please say hello to Meiying.Tell Meiying, don't fade the hair on your legs in front of boys, it's too ugly.You think so too, right? This letter contains all my property.You don't understand things like documents.Get in touch with a lawyer.All in all, except for the bar, it's all yours.This is the benefit of being an only child. Value Partners on XXX After I read it, I folded the letter as it was.The faint smell of Eriko's perfume in the letter stung my heart.If the letter is opened a few more times, the perfume will disappear.There is nothing more sad than this. I lay down on the sofa, which I had used as a bed when I lived in this room, and the intimacy made me sad too. The same night falls into the same room, and the silhouettes of plants by the window echo the streetscape in the night. Even though everything is the same, no matter how long the wait, she will not come back. It was almost dawn, and the sound of humming and high-heeled shoes was getting closer, and she opened the door and walked in.When she came back from the bar after get off work, she was always slightly drunk and making a lot of noise.So I would wake up in a daze.The sound of showers, slippers, and boiling water made me fall asleep peacefully again.It is like this every day, which makes people attach, a kind of morbid nostalgia. Did my crying reach Yuichi who was sleeping in the opposite room?Perhaps he was falling into a dream of repressed pain? In my sad night, this little story has already drawn the curtain. The next day, when the two finally got up, it was already late in the afternoon.I took a break from work, munching on bread and absent-mindedly reading the newspaper.At that moment, Yuichi came out of the room.After he washed his face, he sat down next to me, drank milk and said, "I'm going to school in a while." "So, it's better to live a comfortable life as a student." I said and broke half of my bread to him.Yuichi took it over, thanked him, and ate it with big mouthfuls.We ate in front of the TV like this.We were already a pair of real orphans, and there was a wonderful emotion in our hearts. "What are you going to do? Are you going home tonight?" Yuichi stood up and asked. "Well—" I thought for a moment, "Let's go back after dinner." "Ha! It's time to eat dinner made by experts!" Yuichi cheered.That's a really good idea, and I get serious. "Okay, do it well. I want to show you a hand." I happily thought about a rich recipe, wrote down all the ingredients needed, and gave it to Yuichi. "Go by car. Buy all these things back. They are all things you like. I want you to eat them to your heart's content until you are full. Go and come back quickly." "Hey, looks like a bride." Yuichi muttered something and went out. When the door slammed and I was alone again, I felt exhausted.The room was so silent that even the ticking of the second hand of the clock could be heard.The stillness exuded at this time made me feel ashamed that I was the only one alive. This is generally the case for houses after death. I sat down on the sofa blankly, looking out of the wide window, the street scene in early winter was gray and gray. All corners, parks, and roads of the entire small block are shrouded in stagnant cold air in winter, like fog, which makes people feel unbearable.I was suffocated.I think. Great men radiate light as long as they live, illuminating the hearts of others around them.When the brilliance disappears, it will inevitably cast a thick shadow.Eriko's greatness may be unrecognizable, but she lived here once, but she is no longer here.I lay down on a crooked body, and the white ceiling evoked strands of memories, which slowly flooded into my heart and soothed my soul.After my grandmother passed away, I spent most of the afternoons when Yuichi and Eriko were not at home, staring at the ceiling by myself.Yes, my grandmother passed away, and I felt terribly unfortunate, sure, that nothing could be more unfortunate than the loss of the last human being of blood.But there are more unfortunate things in this world than this.For me, Eriko is a huge existence... No matter whether the fate is good or bad, as long as you are attached to her, you are enjoying it.Thinking this way doesn't mean it reduces suffering.With this realization, a life of misfortune and a normal life can be accepted at the same time.Although I grew up full of unhappiness, life did become less burdensome. Because of this, my heart is extremely dull at the moment. The slightly dark gray clouds, stained with a touch of orange, began to rise in the western sky.The cold night is about to slowly fall, filling the void in the heart. ——Drowsiness hits in bursts. "If you sleep now, you will have nightmares." I said this and stood up again. First, I went to the kitchen of Tanabe's house, which I had been parting from for a long time.In an instant, Eriko's smiling face appeared in front of my eyes again, and I felt a sharp pain in my chest, but I still wanted to do something.Looks like no one is using the kitchen these days.The dirt was everywhere, and I started to clean the kitchen.Scrubbing the sink with dish soap, cleaning the gas stove, washing the dishes in the microwave, and sharpening the kitchen knives.Take all the rags out of the wash, rinse them, and put them in the dryer.I watched the dryer whirring and felt my heart become full and powerful.It's incredible why I love working in the kitchen so much.This kind of love is like a distant vision engraved in the memory of the soul.As long as you stand here, everything can be restarted, lost and recovered.This summer, I concentrated on culinary theory. That feeling, the feeling of increased cell proliferation in the head, is unforgettable to me. I bought three volumes of basics, theory, and application, and read them one by one.Read theory on the bus and on the couch, reciting calories, temperatures, ingredients.Then whenever you have time, do the actual cooking operations in the kitchen.The three volumes were already in tatters.It is still treasured in my hand.The gravure-printed color pages come to mind from time to time, just like the picture books I loved when I was a child.Yuichi and Eriko have said many times that Mikage is crazy, hey.I've been working like a lunatic all summer and doing it and doing it non-stop.I spent all the money I earned from odd jobs.If you don't do it well, start all over again until you succeed.When doing it, sometimes anxious, sometimes restless, sometimes comforting and warm. Thinking about it now, the three often eat together because of this, what a pleasant summer it is. The evening wind blows in through the lattice windows, the sky is still hot, and a piece of light blue is gradually dyed.We watched the scenery outside the window and ate stewed pork, Chinese cold dishes, and watermelon salad.Whatever she eats, Eriko is ecstatic, but Yuichi is silent and gobbles it up.I just do it for them. Loaded omelets, colorful stews, deep-fried shrimp, etc. It takes time to learn how to cook.My shortcoming is that I am impatient. I didn't expect that this would have a negative impact on making good dishes with good color and taste.Or do it without waiting for the temperature to rise completely, or before the water vapor disappears. These details will be reflected in the dishes unreservedly, which makes me stunned.The dish I cook is fine for a housewife's dinner, but definitely not a pictorial dish. I have no choice but to be careful and pay attention to everything.The dishes are wiped clean, the lid is tightened after the seasoning is used, calmly figure out the operation sequence, and when the mood starts to get agitated, stop and take a deep breath.Restless and discouraged at first.But suddenly when everything is normal, I think that even my personality has completely changed. In fact, this is just deceiving myself. It is not easy to be the cooking teacher's assistant this time.The teacher is a well-known woman who not only teaches in the classroom, but also has a lot of high-profile work on TV and magazines.Therefore, when I went to take the exam, the number of applicants was extremely large.This is all I heard later... I think I am a beginner, and after a summer of study, I am so lucky to be able to enter this kind of place, and I can't help feeling proud of it.When I saw the other women who came to the school to study, it suddenly dawned on me that they had a completely different mentality from mine. Their lives are happy and sweet.No matter how they study their education, they will never go beyond the circle of happiness.Presumably they received this education from loving parents.Therefore, they don't know what true happiness is, and they don't know how to choose among the mixed life paths.All they can do is live their lives.This kind of happy life tries to avoid the feeling of being alone.I also think that's pretty cool.Smile sweetly like a flower; put on an apron and learn to cook; full of troubles and hesitation, go to love and get married.This is indeed a wonderful life, beautiful and warm.Especially when I was exhausted physically and mentally, when acne appeared on my face, and when I called everywhere in the lonely night and couldn't find friends, I hated my life, birth, growing up, everything.I regret everything. However, this summer is the happiest, and there is the heart-warming kitchen. I have no fear of burns, cuts, and work all night without pain.Tomorrow is ushered in every day, and I have to accept new challenges. I am happy and my heart trembles.The procedure has been learned by heart, and the bowler cake I make contains a crumb of my own soul.I love the bright red tomatoes I find at the grocery store. I have experienced happiness, and I will not look back. No matter when and where, I have to preserve the awareness of death, otherwise there will be no sense of existence.Such is life. In the darkness, I walked fearfully on the edge of the steep cliff, and when I reached the state-owned avenue, I finally breathed a sigh of relief.At this time, I looked up with a feeling full of fear, and the bright moonlight penetrated into my heart. I will never forget that wonderful experience. The cleaning is done and ready, and it's nightfall. As soon as the doorbell rang, Xiongyi held a large plastic bag, pushed open the door with difficulty, and poked his head in.I took a few steps to the door. "unbelievable!" As Yuichi said, he put the bag heavily on the ground. "What's unbelievable?" I asked him. "I bought everything you said. There is no way for one person to get it here. There are too many." I nodded, pretending not to care.But Yuichi was really angry, so he had to go to the parking lot with him. There are two large bags of self-selected shopping malls in the car, and it takes a lot of strength to move from the parking lot to the gate. "Well, I also bought various things for my own use." Yuichi picked up a heavier bag. "Various things?" I glanced at the bag I was carrying, which contained shampoo, a notebook, and instant food.I saw his recent eating life. "...Here, just go a few more times." "But if you come, you can just go there. Oh, what a beautiful moon!" Xiong raised his chin and pointed to the winter moon in the sky. "Totally good." I tease a word.When I entered the gate of the building, I glanced back at the attached moon, which was nearly full and silvery like day.In the ascending elevator, Yuichi said: "It does matter after all." "What does it matter?" "Seeing the beauty of the moon will motivate you to cook, not an indirect relationship like 'moon-watching noodles'." With a bang, the elevator stopped.At that moment, my heart became a vacuum.I walked and said: "Is it more essential?" "Yes, yes, it is about the essence of human beings." "It's related, it's definitely related." I am instantly sure.If this is the live broadcast of the "Hundred People Quiz Contest", the cry of "Relationships, Relationships" will resound throughout the universe and shake the sky. "It has something to do with it after all. I always thought you were going to be an artist, and I had no basis for thinking that art was cooking for you. Actually, you really like working in the kitchen, which is all right, after all." Yuichi himself nodded several times to express his understanding.That last sentence was spoken almost to himself. "Simply a child." I laughed.The vacuum just now suddenly turned into words and flashed through my mind. ——"If Yuichi is around, I don't need anything." It was only a blink of an eye, and I was rather confused.This is because the light is too strong and dazzling.My heart has been filled. I made dinner in two hours. Meanwhile, Yuichi watched TV and peeled the sweet potatoes.He is very dexterous with his hands. For me, Eriko's death is a long way off.I didn't face the experience.It was just the dark truth that was approaching through the storm.On the other hand, Yuichi was sluggishly beaten by the storm, like a defeated willow.So the two of us deliberately avoided talking about Eriko's death.I don't know what time it is.I don't know where I am now, and time and space feel more and more blurred, but I know that the two of us are together at this moment.There is no future, nothing else, only a comfortable space, comfortable and peaceful.Although I can't express clearly, I feel that I have to pay for it.That was a huge and terrible foreboding.Instead, this powerful premonition made us in the dark and lonely, and intensified the orphan consciousness of the two of us.When the night was dark and transparent, we began to eat many meals that had been prepared.Salads, pies, stews, fried balls, as well as fried tofu, cold vegetables, cold vermicelli, cold chicken shreds, Russian soup, vinegar pork, siu mai... a variety of flavors from various countries.But we didn't care, ate for a long time, drank wine, and ate it all. Xiongyi was so drunk that I found it strange that he wouldn't get drunk with just this little amount of wine.Looking down, an empty wine bottle was lying on the ground, startled.It seemed that they drank everything before cooking, no wonder they were so drunk.I asked in amazement: "Yuichi, did you drink up the whole bottle just now?" Yuichi lay on his back on the sofa, chomped on the celery, and responded. "It's not showing off at all." When I said this, Yuichi's expression changed, and he became sad.I thought it was not easy to serve when I was drunk, so I said: "What's the matter?" Xiong said with a serious expression: "Everyone has been saying this for a month, and this sentence has been integrated into my heart." "You mean the people in the school?" "Ok." "Did you drink all the alcohol this month?" "Ok." "So you're not in the mood to call me." I laughed. "I looked at the phone, it was shining brightly." Yuichi also said with a smile. "On the way back drunk at night, the phone booth was shining brightly in front of me. On the dark road, I could see it from a long distance. I thought, ah, I must call you when I get there. The number is XXX— XXXX, I took out the phone magnetic card and put it in the phone box. But when I thought about where I am now and what I was talking about, I was immediately upset, so I put down the phone. When I went home, I fell on the bed and fell asleep, and dreamed that you were there On the other end of the phone, crying and getting angry." "Crying and getting angry is the me you imagined. In fact, it's not as serious as you think." "Well, suddenly I feel so happy." Yuichi might not even be able to figure out what he was talking about, he continued sentence by sentence in an extremely sleepy voice: "Mother is gone, you came to this house, right in front of my eyes. I'm already mentally prepared, once I lose my temper, there's nothing I can do. When three people live here, it's too hard for you, So I don’t want to see again... There are guests sleeping on the sofa. I used to like it. The sheets are white and snowy. This is the first time I want to cook by myself. Even the food is shining. Will it be gone once I eat it? I think this is troublesome, so I just drink. If I make it clear, maybe you will live here and not go back. At least Listen to me. I imagine that happy moment, but I am afraid to wait. It is terrible, although I look forward to it, but if you get angry, I will fall into the bottomless night, alone. I have no confidence, and I will No perseverance can make you understand my feelings." "You are such a child." Although my tone was slightly sullen, my eyes were moist.Years have flowed between the two of them, and a deep understanding came suddenly like a telepathy.My mixed feelings go hand in hand with this big kid. Yuichi said: "It would be great if today had no end, and tonight would be postponed forever. Meiying, will you stay here forever?" "It's fine to live." I thought he was talking nonsense after drinking, so I tried my best to say gently: "Eriko is no longer here. The two of you are living together, as your wife, or as a friend?" "Sell the sofa and buy a double bed?" Yuichi smiled, and then said very frankly: "I don't know myself." This marvelous honesty touched my heart.Yuichi continued. "I can't think about anything now. What do you think of my life, how will I change in the future, and how will I be different from the past? I don't understand all of this. Although I can think about it, I can't think about it in this mental state. I can't think seriously, so I can't decide anything. I have to get out of this state as soon as possible, and I want to get out of it quickly. I can't drag you in now. Two people fall into the whirlpool of death together, and you won't be happy... Maybe the two of us Alone together, always." "Don't even think about it now. Let nature take its course." I said, almost crying. "Hey, when I wake up tomorrow, I will definitely forget everything. It's always been like this recently. Nothing can last until the next day." After Yuichi finished speaking, he crawled on the sofa with a grunt, and said to himself: It's hard to do. ... There was no sound in the room at night, as if he was also listening to Yuichi's words.After Eriko's death in this house, everything feels lifeless.The night is late, and the twilight is coming, making people feel that everything in the world is lonely and helpless. ... Sometimes Yuichi and I climb up the narrow ladder to a high place in the pitch blackness where we can't see our fingers, and look down at the hell shaped like a giant pot together.The heat blows in the face, making people dizzy, seeing the sea of ​​fire boiling inside, and the blood-red foam rolling up and down.The people around me at this time must be very close relatives and irreplaceable people, but the two of us couldn't hold hands.No matter how frightened I am, I want to stand up on my own feet.I looked at his side face which was reddened by the flames, showing a look of panic and uneasiness, and I always felt that this was real.Perhaps, in the sense of everyday life, the two of us are not man and woman; but as far as the primordial antiquity is concerned, we are real man and woman.But anyway, that place is too cold, not a place for people to build rapport with each other. Because it is not inspiration divination. I racked my brains to imagine this, and suddenly realized that this was just a fantasy, so I couldn't help but laugh.What I saw was a man and a woman looking at a cauldron-shaped hell and preparing to die in love.In this way, it is also a trip to hell for two people to fall in love. This kind of thing has happened since ancient times.Thinking of this, I couldn't suppress my laughter. Lying on the sofa, Yuichi fell soundly asleep at once.That sleeping face seemed to express a look of being lucky to sleep before me.I covered him with a quilt and he didn't move at all.I tried to wash a lot of things to be washed as silently as possible, tears rolling down my face. Of course, I'm not annoyed because I'm washing things alone, but I feel sorry for being abandoned alone in this silent and numb night. I have to go to work the next morning, so I set the alarm clock.The bell rang, and I was so upset that I reached out to grab it, but the phone was ringing, and I picked up the receiver. "Hello, hello." After I called out, I remembered that this was someone else's house, and at the same time I quickly added: "I'm Tanabe." But the phone hung up with a click.Oh, it was a call from a girl, guilt flashed across the ignorance, and he glanced at Xiongyi, who was still sound asleep.The time was almost up, so I prepared a bit, quietly walked out of the room, and went to work.Whether to return to Xiong's house tonight can be slowly considered throughout the day.I got to work. The entire first floor of the building is used for teachers' work, including a cooking room for teaching and a photography room.The teacher is reviewing a report in the office.The teacher is still young, but she is an excellent cook, an intuitive and easy-going woman.When I saw me today, I smiled, took off my glasses, and started to give instructions on today's work. There is a cooking class starting at 3pm and there is a lot of prep work, I have to help get ready today until the end.The main assistant is taken by others.Then before the evening, the work can be finished... As soon as my head slipped, the teacher's instructions continued to be issued without losing the opportunity. "Sakurai, I'm going to Izu for an interview the day after tomorrow, and I'll be staying for three days. I'm sorry to tell you suddenly, but will you come with me?" "Izu? Is it about the magazine?" I was taken aback. “嗯……别的孩子都不大方便。计划是介绍几家酒店的拿手菜，简单说明一下做法，不知怎么样。住在豪华的旅店、酒店里，安排单间……希望你尽快给我一个答复。噢，今天晚上……” 老师还没有说完，我就答应下来： "I go." 我是一个立刻应承的家伙。 “这下可好了。” 老师笑笑说。 我往烹饪室走的时候，心情突然变得轻松起来。现在离开东京，离开雄一，短期远行，我觉得不错。 推开门见典子和栗子正在里面做准备工作。她们是比我早一年进来当助手的。 “美影，老师问你去伊豆了吗？”栗子一看见我问。 “真不错呀，听说能吃到法国风味，还有好多海鲜呢。” 典子喜滋滋地说。 “可为什么决定我去？” I asked. “对不起。我们两人都预约练习高尔夫球，不能去呀。喏，要是你有事，我们两个有一个不去练球就是。哎，栗子，这样可以吧？” “嗯，所以美影你可以实说。” 两个人都真心实意地说，我笑着摇摇头说： “啊，我没关系。” 这两个人是从同一所大学经人介绍来到这里的。已经学了四年烹饪，当然是行家里手。 栗子爽快可爱，典子是一个漂亮小姐。她们两人关系融洽。她们总是穿着高雅华美、引人注目的时装，看着神清气爽。举止谦和亲切，态度敦厚温柔。在烹饪界为数不少的良家小姐型的女性之中，她们也显得光彩耀眼。 偶尔典子的母亲打来电话，她和气亲呢得不免令人惶惶不安。典子一天的生活安排，一般来说她无所不晓，这也使我吃了一惊。世上所谓的母亲便是如此吧。 典子用手撩起飘飘欲动的长发，微微笑着，以她那银铃般的声音和母亲打着电话。 她们的人生与我的生活可谓天地之别，但我非常喜欢她们两人。即使给递一下鸡蛋，她们两个都要甜笑着道谢。我要是伤风感冒，她们马上关切地问是不是要紧。灯光里两个人扎着洁白围裙，哧哧笑的样子，幸福得叫人流泪。和她们一起工作，对我是一桩心神宽慰的快事。 按人数分好材料，盛入碗里；烧开大量热水；测试分量等等，3点之前还有不少细小的工作。 从宽大的窗口骄阳倾泻，房间的那大工作台上整整齐齐地摆着电烤箱、微波炉、煤气灶，这不由得使我联想起家政课的教室。我们闲聊着，快活地干着。 过了2点，突然响起震耳的敲门声。 “是老师吧？” 典子歪头说着，接着又用细柔的声音叫：“请进。” 栗子急忙嚷叫：“啊呀，指甲油还没洗，要挨训了。” 这时我蹲着在手袋里找洗指甲油水。 随着门一开，一个女人的声音响起来。 “樱井在吗？” 突然唤我的名字，我愣了一下，站了起来。门口站着一个素不相识的女人。 她的脸上还带着几分稚气，年纪看起来比我小。身材不高，圆圆眼睛射出咄咄逼人的目光。嫩黄的薄毛衣上面，披着一件茶色外套，脚上穿着驼色的浅口皮鞋，稳稳地站立。那双腿虽然略粗，却很性感，感觉不错。全身体态丰满。狭小的额头向前突出得恰如其分，额头的头发修剪得恰到好处。在苗条丰盈的线条中，却见嫣红的嘴唇愤怒地撅出。 这人并不是一个讨厌的人，可是……我疑惑不解。我如此审视，却还是什么也想不起来。可见事情非同小可。 典子和栗子在我身后，不知所措地打量着她。无奈我只得开口。 “不好意思，您是哪一位？” “我叫奥野，有话跟你说。”她沙哑的嗓音尖声叫着。 “对不起，我现在正在工作，晚上打电话到我家里好不好？” 我话音刚落，她就生硬地逼问： “那是指田边家吗？” 我好歹明白过来，一定是今天早上打电话来的那个人。我明确地说： "no." 栗子插进来讲： “美影，你走开也已经可以了。我们就跟老师好好说，你去买一些东西，准备突然旅行用。” “不，不必了。马上就完。” she says. “你是田边的朋友吗？” 我竭力平和地说。 “是，是大学同学……今天来有一事相求，直截了当地说，你不要纠缠田边。” she says. “好坏事要由田边决定，”我说，“就算你们是恋人，我觉得也不是由你来决定的。” 她顿时满脸通红，恼羞成怒，说： “可是，你不觉得奇怪吗？你说你不是田边的女朋友，却满不在乎地去他家，住在那里，也太放肆了。这比同居还恶劣。”她几乎眼泪都掉下来了，“你和田边同住，我确实没有你了解田边，只是一般的同学。可我一直关心田边，喜欢他。最近田边失去了母亲，心情糟透了。很早以前我对田边吐露过感情。那时，田边提到了你。我问他是不是恋人，他摇摇头，否认了，说是要考虑一段时间。他家里住着女人，这在学校里都出了名了。所以我也死了心。” “我已经不住了呀。” 她见我打岔，就打断我的话，继续说： “可是你完全逃避作为恋人的责任。光是美美地享受恋爱的乐趣，弄得田边成了无所用心的人。因为你晃着纤细的手脚，长长的头发，故作十足的女人样，在田边跟前转来转去，田边才会变得油头滑脑。总是那么不明不白、不即不离，倒是轻松自在。可是恋爱难道不是要关照人，不是要非常用心的吗？可你推却重任，摆出一副淡漠的嘴脸，装得无所不知的样子……请你离开田边吧。求你了。只要你在，田边就哪儿都去不成。” 她对人的观察相当偏激而自私，可是她的那些有力的话，一针见血，刺中疼处，深深戮伤了我的心。她还要张口继续说什么。 "Shut up!" 我大吼一声。她不禁一怔，无言以对。I say: “你的心情我可以理解。任何人自己的感情都得要自己解决……你说的话里，一点也没有包含我的心情。你和我初次见面，我在想什么，你知道吗？” “你说话怎么这么冷酷无情？”她流着泪反问。“就你那个态度，说是一直喜欢田边？我可不信。趁田边母亲去世，马上溜进去住，也太卑鄙了。” 我的心里涨满了令人厌恶的哀伤。 雄一的母亲原来是男性，我被他家领去时我的精神状态如何，我和雄一处于何种复杂而脆弱的关系，这一切她都无心了解。她是专程来吵闹的。 这样根本不能使她的爱情如心所愿，在早晨打过电话之后，立即调查我，查清单位，记下地址，不知从何处，不辞路遥，乘电车来到这里。这是何等悲愤绝望的行为啊。一想到她满怀莫名的愤恨闯进烹饪室时的心理，她每天的情绪，我的内心深处涌出一股无限哀痛。 “我也是有血有肉的人。”我说，“失去朋友还没有多久，我也是完全一样。这里是正在工作的地方，还有什么话要说……” 我本想说要她打电话到我家里，可是我却说： “我哭着用菜刀砍你，可以吗？” 连我自己都觉得这话太残忍太狠毒。 她狠狠地瞪着我，冷冷地丢下一句： “想说的全说了，对不起。” 说完她噔噔地向门口走去。她“咣”地一声，震耳欲聋，摔门而去。 这一场利益完全对立冲突的会面，就此忿然而终。 “美影，你绝对没错！” 栗子来到我身边，忧心忡忡地说。 “是啊，那人很怪的。嫉妒得有点不正常。美影，你要打足精神。” 典子审视着我亲切地说。 午后的烹饪室里阳光普照。我伫立不动，真想放声大笑。 我出门把牙刷、毛巾放在了田边家里，晚上又回到田边家。雄一出去不在。我随便做了咖喱饭吃了。 在这里做饭吃饭，对我来说是再自然不过的事了。我重新体味着这句自问自答的话时，雄一回家了。 “回来了。”我打了招呼。他一无所知，也无过错，可是我不能直视他的眼睛。“雄一，我后天工作有点急事，要到伊豆去。出门时房间里乱七八糟的，我想收拾好以后再出差，今天我回去。啊，还剩一些咖喱饭，你吃好了。” “噢，是吗。那我用车送你回家吧。” 雄一笑着说。 ——车开动了，街市向后滑去。再过五分钟，就到我的家了。