Chapter 6 full moon-2

"Yuichi." I say. "Ok?" He held the steering wheel and asked. "Er—let's have tea, let's go and have tea." "Aren't you in a hurry to pack up and prepare for a business trip? I have nothing to do with it." "Well, I want to drink to my heart's content." "Then, let's go, where are we going?" "Uh, by the way, the black tea specialty shop above the beauty shop, let's go there." "It's almost out of the city, it's too far." "Well, it feels good there." "Okay, that's it."

For some reason, Yuichi was particularly docile today.I was restless, and if I suggested going to Arabia to see the moon at this moment, he might agree. The small shop on the second floor was very quiet and bright.The surrounding walls are white and clean, and the heater is on, making it warm and pleasant.The two of us sat down opposite each other on the innermost seats.There were no other customers in the store, and the movie music was playing softly. "Yuichi, think about it carefully, it's the first time for two people to enter a tea shop together, don't you think? It's incredible." I said.

"yes?" Xiongyi rolled his eyes.He ordered a cup of English Earl Grey, I don't like the smell of that tea.I remembered that late at night, Tanabe's house often smelled like soap. In the silent middle of the night, when I was watching TV with the lowest volume, Yuichi came out of the room to make this kind of tea. In the restless time and mood, the five senses are engraved with various imprints of history.In this winter's tea shop, there is an unremarkable but irreplaceable feeling. "In my impression, you and I often drank tea with big gulps. I don't think it's the first time I've entered a tea shop, but it's true if I ask you to say so."

"Is it? How strange." I said with a smile. "I don't know why I'm slow to respond to everything." Yuichi stared at the light of the decorative desk lamp with deep and dull eyes. "Must be too tired." "Needless to say, of course." I said slightly surprised. "When your grandmother passed away, she was also very tired. It was only now that I remembered it clearly. When I was watching TV, I asked you what that meant just now. I looked up at you and saw that you were not thinking about anything on the sofa... Your eyes often glaze over. Now I understand."

"Yuichi, I," I said, "I'm very happy because you were able to cheer up, calm down, and speak in an orderly manner. I even feel a little proud of you." "Why are you talking like you're translating English into Japanese?" A smile appeared on Yuichi's face under the light.The shoulders in the navy blue sweater swayed. "Yeah, I..." I was about to tell him, if there's anything I can do, just say it, but I stopped.In this bright and warm place, the two sat opposite each other, drinking fragrant hot tea.I hope that the impression of this moment will shine in my memory and comfort him, even a little.

If language is always too explicit, the subtle and precious brilliance will be gone. Outside, the blue and clear night has come.A burst of cold hit, making the skin freeze. When getting in the car, Yuichi would always open the door opposite the driver's seat first, let me sit in, and then he would sit in the driver's seat. The car moved.I say: "Nowadays, it's rare for men to open the door to women first. You are quite manly." "It was taught by Eriko." Yuichi smiled. "If I don't do that, the guy won't get in the car, and it's been like that."

"But he's a man." I can't help laughing. "Yes, yes, although it is a man." call-- Silence fell like a curtain. The street market has been covered with night.The car stopped and waited for the signal, and there was a constant flow of people outside the front window of the car. Whether they were company employees, professional women, men, women, young or old, they all looked energetic and handsome.In the quiet and cold evening, people all wrapped up in sweaters and windbreakers and rushed to warm places. ...But I think that Yuichi will also open the door for that terrible woman in the afternoon, and I feel that the seat belt is painful for no reason.I couldn't help being stunned, um, is this the so-called jealousy?I experienced this for the first time, as a young child first experiences pain.After losing Eriko, the two of them floated along the river of light in the bottomless universe, which is a climax that is about to usher.

I know.From the color of the air, from the shape of the moon, from the blackness of the night sky on the roof of the car that is now running, I understand.Buildings and cars cast blinding lights. The car stopped in front of the apartment where I lived. "Then I'll wait for you to come back, Meiying." Yuichi said that he would then go back to that room alone, and would definitely water the flowers and plants. "Maybe I'll buy you eel cakes." I said with a smile.The light from the street lamp vaguely outlines Yuichi's side face. "Eel cakes? That kind of thing is sold at the kiosk (kiosk) at Tokyo Station."

"How about... tea, or." "Uh—how about the salty mountain vegetables?" "Huh? That food is not tasty. Do you think that food is delicious?" "I just like that stuff." "Okay, I'll buy that thing." I smiled and opened the car door.A bitterly cold wind blows into the warm interior of the car. "It's cold!" I screamed. "It's cold, it's cold, it's cold." I hugged Yuichi's arm tightly and buried my face.Warm and cozy on the sweater, smelling of fallen leaves. "It must be hotter over there in Izu."

As Yuichi said, he put his other arm around my head almost reflexively. "How many days are you going?" Yuichi said without moving, his voice seemed to come from his chest. "Four days and three nights." I gently left him and said. "Maybe the mood will be better at that time. If so, shall we drink tea outside?" Yuichi stared at me and smiled.I agreed, got out of the car and waved. The unpleasant thing that happened today, just pretend it never happened. As I watched the car off, this thought came to my mind. Who is better between me and her?Who shall I ask?If you don't measure it comprehensively, no one will know.Moreover, there is no standard of measurement in this world at all, especially in this cold night, I am even more at a loss, and I can't figure it out.

A ray of memory about Eriko.A most pathetic person. She placed lush flowers and plants by the window, and the first thing she bought was a flower pot with pineapples. I can't remember when I heard her say this. Eriko said: "It was a bitterly cold winter. "Mei Ying, at that time, I was still a man. "Although I have a good appearance, I have single eyelids and the bridge of my nose is a bit sunken. That was before the plastic surgery. At that time, I couldn't even remember my face." It was a slightly cool summer dawn when I said this.Yuichi stayed out overnight and was not at home.Eriko brought back the meat buns from the store as a gift from a customer.As always, I was taking notes then while watching a TV cooking show that was taped during the day.The blue sky at dawn gradually turns white from the east.I said that since I brought it back specially, let’s eat meat buns now.I put the meat buns in the microwave and made a pot of jasmine tea.At this moment Eriko suddenly spoke. I was taken aback, thinking that something unpleasant must have happened in the bar, so I listened as if I fell asleep.Her voice sounded like it was coming from a dream. "In the past, when Yuichi's mother died, it didn't refer to me, but the person who gave birth to Yuichi. When I was a man, my wife. She had cancer, and her condition was getting worse. Anyway, we have each other I fell in love with each other, so I pestered her and left Xiongyi at a nearby home. I went to visit her every day. Because I had to go to work, I stayed with her all day before and after get off work. Although I took Yuichi to go on Sunday, but he was too Small, not yet sensible... At that time, I was sure that she had no hope, even the smallest thing, she just felt hopeless. The world was dark every day. Although I didn't feel this level at that time. But it was indeed dark." Eriko lowered her eyelashes as she spoke, as if she was telling a sweet story.In the blue air, she is so beautiful and touching. "One day the wife said: "If only there were living things in the ward.' "She said that the best plants are plants that are related to the sun. Plants that can grow well without careful care, buy the kind that are big and big. Usually, my wife rarely asks for anything. This time she said I don't want to say how happy I am. I ran to the flower shop right away. After all, I'm a man. I don't know anything about begamins or St. Paul's violets. I don't even know what a cactus is. I bought it. A pineapple tree. With small pineapples, you can tell it at a glance. I carried it to the ward. She was overjoyed and said thank you several times. "The advanced stage of the disease still came. Three days before I fell into a coma, when I was going home, she suddenly said that she wanted me to take the pineapple tree home. On the surface, she didn't seem to be that serious, and I didn't tell her about it. She was suffering from cancer, but her tone of voice sounded like a last word. I was taken aback and told her, let it die or not, and leave it here. But my wife cried and begged me, She can't water it. This plant from the south is still quite tender. It's better to bring it home before it dies. I couldn't help it, so I brought the pineapple tree back. It was held in my arms. "Although I was a man, I was crying so hard. It was freezing cold that day, but I couldn't take a taxi. It was at that time that I realized for the first time that being a man is not interesting. After calming down a little, I walked to the station and had a meal. I had a drink at the shop, and decided to take the tram home. It was night, and there were not many people on the platform. The cold wind was blowing, and I was going to freeze to death. The sharp leaves of the pineapple tree pricked my cheeks, and I was nervous. Hugging the flower tightly and shivering... I feel painfully that tonight, only me and the pineapple tree are dependent on each other. I close my eyes, let the cold wind blow and the cold piercing in, only these two equally lonely lives... can best each other The wife who understands is far away from me and the pineapple tree, and has become friends with death. "Not a few days after that, my wife went away. The pineapple tree also died. I didn't know how to take care of it, and I watered it too much. I threw it in the corner of the yard. I couldn't speak clearly, but I knew it in my heart One thing. It is simple to say that the world does not exist especially for me, so the proportion of misfortune that falls on me will never change and does not depend on me. Therefore I completely cut off other things. Heartbroken, live happily. "... Just like that, I became a woman until now." "That's the so-called happiness." I remember this sentence flashed in my mind at that time, although I didn't understand the meaning of this sentence, nor did I actually experience it.But now, I've experienced it to the point of vomiting.Why do people have so little choice?Even if you live like a worm, you still have to cook, eat and sleep.Loved ones are all dead, and they have to live. ... Tonight is also as dark as the bottom of a pot, suffocating.It was a night when men struggled each other in the slumber of annihilation. The next morning, the sky was blue. After getting ready for a business trip, I was doing my laundry when the phone rang. 11:30?The phone would ring at this hour. I pondered and answered the phone.A high-pitched voice came from the phone: "Hi! Is it Meiying? Long time no see." "Is it Zhihua?" I said, I didn't expect it to be Zhihua.The call was from outside; the traffic was very loud, but Zhihua's voice came through clearly, reminding me of her figure. Zhihua is the manager of Eriko's bar, and also a man.I used to stay at Tanabe's house.After Eriko died, she took over the bar. Although Chika is called "she", compared to Eriko, no matter how you look at it, she still has a masculine impression.She had a face suitable for make-up and was tall and slender, with beautiful fashions that fitted her perfectly.She was soft-hearted and gentle in manner.Once in the subway, a primary school student lifted up her skirt as a prank, and she couldn't stop crying, which shows that she has a narrow mind.Although I don't want to admit it, when I'm with her, there is always a feeling that I am a man. "Hello, I'm at the station now. Can you come out? I have something to say. Have you had lunch?" "not yet." "Then let's go to the Sarakina soba shop immediately!" Zhihua hurriedly finished speaking, and then hung up the phone.I had no choice but to put down the clothes I was about to dry, and hurried out the door. The sky was clear and cloudless.At noon in winter, there is no shadow on the street.I hurried forward.Zhihua's designated soba shop is located in the shopping street in front of the station.I entered the soba shop and saw Tomoka waiting for me, eating soba noodles with oil residue.She was dressed all over in a tight sports suit, which was almost like a terrible national costume. "Zhihua." I approached her and called out. "Ah! It's been a long time since I saw you! She's completely turned into a big girl, and I dare not approach you." Zhihua yelled loudly. I didn't have time to be shy, and a warm current of kindness gushed out of my heart.I have never seen such a smiling face anywhere else, and her smile is so uninhibited that she is not ashamed to blush wherever she is.Chika looked at me with a smile on her face.I couldn't help blushing a little, and loudly asked for a bowl of shredded chicken noodles.The old lady in the store hurried over and put down the water with a bang. "What's the matter?" I was eating chicken shredded noodles, so I asked first. When she said something happened before, it was usually not important and serious, and I thought it was the same this time.But she spoke in a low voice as if she was telling something extraordinary. "That's right, it's Yuichi's business." My heart "thumped" for a moment. "That kid, he came to the store in the middle of the night last night and said he couldn't sleep and was in a bad mood. He wanted to go somewhere with me to relax. Oh, don't get me wrong. I knew that kid when he was so young. We There is no abnormal relationship between them, it is like mother and son, mother and son." "I know." I said something with a smile.Zhihua went on to say: "I was taken aback. I'm a dull person, and I don't always understand other people's feelings. But... that child is not to be outdone. Tears flow easily, but he never clings to others. But this time , he talked on and on, stubborn as hell. He had no energy at all, as if he was about to disappear. In fact, I really should accompany him, but now the store is being renovated, and everyone's mood is still not stable. Let go Don’t open your hands. I said no a few times. He said listlessly, where to go alone. I introduced him to a hotel I knew.” "……Uh-huh" "I joked with him, you go with Mikage. I was really kidding. When I said that, he said seriously: 'That guy, he's going to Izu for a business trip. Besides, I don't want her to get involved any more. It’s about our family. Now she’s finally living a normal life, and it’s not good to do that.’ I suddenly realized. You said, isn’t that love? Yes, it’s definitely love. Hey, I know the hotel where Yuichi lives. Address and phone number. Well, Meiying, call, call." "Zhihua," I said, "I'm going out tomorrow, it's business." My heart shook violently. I already understood, completely understood Yuichi's feelings.Now that Yuichi wants to go far away, his feeling is hundreds of times stronger than mine.All he could think of was a place where he didn't have to think, a person.Get away from everything, including me, and maybe stay there for a while.It must be so, I am sure of it. "What is work?" Zhihua leaned forward and said, "There is only one thing a woman can do at a time like this. Otherwise, would you be a virgin? Or have you already done it?" "Zhihua." I thought it would be great if everyone in the world was like Zhihua, and this thought flashed through my mind for a moment.Because in Zhihua's eyes, Yuichi and I are much happier than the actual situation. "Think about it," I said. "I've also just heard about Eriko, and I'm very confused. Yuichi is even more confused. You can't do things rashly now." Zhihua's face immediately became extremely serious, and she raised her face to the side. "...Yeah, I didn't come to the store that night, and I didn't see Eriko's death. So I can't believe it... I knew that guy. When that guy came to the store, if I talked more with Eriko , this kind of thing will not happen. Yuichi is also very regretful. Then the easy-going child watched the news, his face was frighteningly angry, and he said, "All the murderers should be dead." Yuichi is also alone, what's the matter with Eriko You have to solve it yourself, but it backfires.” Zhihua's tears could not stop falling down.When I didn't know how to persuade her, Zhihua burst into tears, causing people in the store to look here.Zhihua shook her shoulders and kept crying, with big teardrops dripping into the noodle soup. "Miying, I'm so lonely. Why is this happening? Is there no God? From now on, I will never see Eriko again, and I will never see her again." I left the noodle shop with Zhihua who couldn't stop crying.With her tall shoulders on her shoulders, she walked all the way to the station.Chika covered her eyes with a lace handkerchief in front of the ticket gate, said sorry, and then handed me the map of the hotel where Yuuichi stayed and the note with the phone number on it. ——Worthy of being a businessman, he acts swiftly and resolutely, and is methodical. I watched her broad back reluctantly, and couldn't help admiring in my heart. She is self-righteous, love is full of turmoil, and she used to work as a salesperson. I don't know all about it... But the tears just now were crystal clear and pure, making people unforgettable.This makes me feel that there are gems buried deep in people's hearts. Under the clear and clean sky in winter, I feel so sad and at a loss.The sky is so blue and so blue.The branches and leaves of the trees are fallen, and the silhouettes are thick and eye-catching.The cold wind swept through. "Is there no God?" The next day, I set off for Izu as scheduled. Teachers, a few staff members, photographers, not many.It looked like the trip would be jovial and harmonious.The schedule is not particularly tight either. Still a good trip, I think.For me now, it's like a dream trip, and it's like joy falling from the sky. A feeling of being liberated from the past six months arises spontaneously. In the past six months... since the death of my grandmother, and until the death of Eriko, Yuichi and I were smiling on the surface, but we were full of worries in our hearts.Either sadness or joy, are too strong to bear in daily life.The two of us took pains to create an atmosphere of peace of mind.Eriko is precisely the sun shining in this atmosphere. It all melted into my heart and changed me.The spoiled and lazy princess has disappeared and is now only seen in the mirror. The scenery of the sun pouring quietly passed by the car window.I stared out the window, wandering in the helpless space created in my heart. ...and I'm exhausted too.I also want to leave Yuichi and relax and be happy. As sad as it is to me, it is true. Just this night. I came to the teacher's room in my pajamas and said: "Teacher, I'm starving to death, can I have something to eat outside?" An older staff member who was with the teacher burst out laughing. "Sakurai didn't eat anything." They were getting ready to go to bed, already in pajamas, sitting on the quilt. I am indeed hungry.I'm not very picky about the dishes, but the so-called famous dishes of this hotel put all the vegetables that I don't like, so I didn't eat a few bites.The teacher smiled and agreed. It's past 10 o'clock at night.I walked briskly down the long corridor, and as soon as I got to my room, I changed my clothes and left the hotel.I was afraid of being locked out when I came back, so I quietly unlocked the emergency exit door at the back. Today is the interview with this famous dish with extremely bad taste.Tomorrow we have to leave by van.I walked under the moonlight, thinking how nice it would be to spend my traveling life like this all the time.If there are family members who look forward to my return, it will be romantic and interesting.But I was alone, unable to be free and easy, and a strong loneliness gushed out of my heart.However, I still think that this kind of traveling life suits me best.The night of the journey is always fresh and cheerful.No matter where it is or who it is, I just want to spend a relaxed life like this.But the difficult thing is that I have already understood Yuichi's psychology... How happy I would be if I could not go back to that street. I walked down the road lined with hotels.The black shadows of the mountains are thicker than the night, and they look down on the city.There are many tourists wearing cotton robes outside the yukata, looking very cold.They came and went drunkenly, talking and laughing loudly. I was intrigued for no reason. Under the stars, I am myself in this strange land. I walked on top of my own figure, which sometimes elongated and sometimes shortened with the light. I hate noisy taverns, so I avoided them and came near the station.I scanned the dark glass doors of the gift shop and spotted a pasta shop that was still open.The lights were still on in the shop.Looking in through the glass door, there is only a row of dining tables inside, and there is only one guest.I opened the door with confidence and walked in. I want to chow down on something with a big portion. "I want a steak bowl with rice." I say. "Got to fry the steak first, it will take some time, okay?" The old man in the store said. I nod.This is a newly opened hotel, and the fragrance of Atractylodes macrocephala fills the house, making you feel comfortable and comfortable.Eating in such a place is probably delicious.While waiting, I found a pink phone within reach. I reached out to pick up the receiver, took out the piece of paper with the phone number on it, and called the hotel where Yuichi was staying. At this moment, I felt very natural. When a woman in the hotel switched the phone and called Yuichi, I suddenly had such a feeling. Ever since I learned of Eriko's death, I've experienced a feeling of uneasiness in him, similar to the feeling I felt when I made this phone call.From then on, Yuichi felt as if he was in the world on the other side of the phone even if he was right in front of him. The world over there was bluer than the place where I lived, like the bottom of the sea. "Hello?" Yuichi answered the phone. "Yuichi?" I breathed a sigh of relief. "It's Meiying? How do you know it's here? Ah, that's right, Zhihua told me, right?" The peaceful voice that was a little far away came galloping through the cable and through the night.I closed my eyes and listened to Yuichi's kind voice, which sounded like the sound of lonely and boring waves. "There, what's there?" I asked him. "Dinis, no, nonsense. There is a shrine on the mountain, and that shrine is famous. There are hotels at the foot of the mountain, and all of them are monk dishes made of tofu. I also ate monk dishes tonight." "What kind of dish? It's very interesting." "Oh, are you interested in this? That dish is all tofu, tofu. It's delicious, but it's all tofu. Steamed tofu soup, grilled tofu skewers, fried tofu, braised tofu, sesame oil tofu, all with tofu. Needless to say, there is also tofu nine in the clear soup. I wanted to eat something hard, but I ended up with rice, but what I was waiting for was tea porridge. I felt like an old man.” "What a coincidence, I'm also hungry right now!" "Why don't you live in a hotel with famous dishes?" "I don't like all the dishes served." "It's all that you don't like? There are very few things you don't like. It's so miserable." "It doesn't matter, there will be something delicious tomorrow." "You're all right. I don't even have to think about tomorrow morning's meal... I'm afraid it's tofu soup." "The kind that burns a small saucepan with solid fuel, right?" "Ah, Zhihua likes tofu, so she happily introduced it to me. This is indeed a good hotel. The window is big and you can see the waterfall. But I am growing up now, and I need a lot of calories. I want to eat Something oily. How strange, under the night sky, we're both hungry at the same time." Xiong Yi smiled. I think it's very funny. I'm about to eat donburi at this time, but I don't know why I can't say it complacently.I always feel that this is an unbelievable act of betrayal, and I want Yuichi to have a feeling of starving with him. At that moment, my senses suddenly became sharp, as if penetrating everything and knowing everything. In the darkness surrounded by death, the two are connected with each other, and they are going around a gentle detour.But after crossing this detour, they will part ways.Miss this moment, and the two of us will be friends forever. It must be so.I know. I don't know how to deal with it, but I still think it's okay to be friends. "When to go back?" I asked. After a long silence, Yuichi said: "soon." This guy can't even tell a lie, I thought.As long as the money is enough, he will run away.Just as he delayed telling me about Eriko's death this time, he was self-righteous and apologetic and refused to contact me.This is due to his character. "Okay, goodbye." I say goodbye. "bye." He must not even know why he wanted to escape. "Don't cut your wrist veins!" I said with a smile. "Hey." Yuichi also smiled, and put down the phone after saying goodbye. An unbearable sense of exhaustion came suddenly, I put down the phone and remained motionless, staring blankly at the glass door of the noodle shop, listening to the gust of wind outside, and the voices of passers-by on the street saying cold to each other.In every part of the world today, the same night falls and passes away.In the unreachable abyss of loneliness, this time I am really going to be alone. People do not succumb to the environment and external forces, but to the pressure from within.This thought came to me from the bottom of my heart.I was wrapped in a sense of powerlessness, and now, the thing I didn't want to lose was about to disappear, but I didn't feel anxious or sad.Just sinking in the gloom. I would like to think slowly in a place where sunshine and flowers are more charming and delicate.But by then it must be too late. After a while, the donburi came.I pulled myself together and broke off the chopsticks.I'm empty inside, but the donburi looks good on the outside.After taking a few bites, it tasted so good, it was really delicious. "Old man, this meal is delicious!" I couldn't help but yelled. "right?" The old man smiled smugly. Although the hunger is unbearable at the moment, I am an expert after all.This donburi is made with extraordinary craftsmanship, so that people feel lucky to be able to eat this donburi.The quality of the steak, the taste of the soup, the heat of the eggs and oysters, and the hardness of the rice are impeccable. I remembered that Teacher Tiantian mentioned this place, and actually wanted to come here for an interview.I'm lucky.Alas, how nice it is for Yuichi to be here, the thought flashed by in an instant, and I cried out impulsively. "Old man, can I take this rice bowl home? Can I make another one?" When we left the hotel, it was nearly midnight.I was already full from eating, and I was carrying a gift box in my hand, and the rice bowl in it was still hot.I stood alone by the side of the road, not knowing what to do. What was my plan?What to do... I was thinking about it, and a taxi mistook me for a taxi and slid up to me.When I saw the red letter of empty car, I made up my mind. I got into a taxi and asked the driver: "Do you want to go to City I?" "City I?" the driver turned around and asked in surprise, "I really want it, but the distance is far and the cost is high, miss." "Okay, I'm in a hurry." I said openly, just like Jeno Darke walking in front of the crown prince.I think it can be trusted. "When I get there, I'll pay you to get there first. You wait for me there for 20 minutes, and come back here after I finish my business." "Love Act." he laughed. "Ha, let it be." I smiled wryly. "Okay, let's go." In the night, the taxi sped towards City I, carrying me and a steak topped with rice. Because I was too tired to work during the day, I started to doze off.I woke up abruptly as the car pulled into a one-way street with few other cars. The hands and feet are still warm from sleep, and only the consciousness is clear, as if it was "woke up".In the dim car, I leaned toward the window and sat up straight again. "The road is empty, go fast, and you will arrive in the blink of an eye." said the driver. I responded and looked up at the sky. The bright moon hangs high, across the night sky, the splendor is bright, and the stars are eclipsed.The moon is full like a circle.Sometimes it hides behind the clouds, and sometimes the full moon shines out.The interior of the car was stuffy, and the hot air from the exhalation fogged the windows.Silhouettes of trees, fields, and mountains fly outside the window like paper-cut paintings.Occasionally a truck overtakes with a cacophony.Then the surroundings fell into silence again.The asphalt road glows with moonlight. In the blink of an eye, he entered City I.The streets were dark and dignified, and there were several shrine archways between the roofs of the houses.The taxi increased its horsepower and drove towards the narrow slope.The ropes of the cable car across the mountains emerged from the darkness, appearing quite thick. "In the past, monks were not allowed to eat meat, and the hotels in this area used tofu as a variety of dishes. How should I put it, now the dishes made of tofu have become popular among guests. Next time you come during the day , you can taste it." said the driver. "may be." In the darkness, I squinted at the map by the light of the street lamps that appeared at equal distances. "Oh, pull over at the next corner, I'll be right back." "OK." As he spoke, he braked to a halt. It was freezing cold outside, and my hands and face froze in the blink of an eye.I took out my gloves and put them on, carrying the rucksack packed in a lunch box, and walked up the slope where the moonlight poured down. An uneasy premonition was experienced. The inn where Yuichi stayed was an old-fashioned structure that was not easy to get into. The door is a glass door with automatic opening and closing, which is tightly locked.The emergency exit doors on the outer stairs were also locked. I had no choice but to retreat to the side of the road to make a call, but no one answered the phone, which was a matter of course, and it was midnight now. I stood in front of the dark hotel door, helpless, why did I come all this way? But I was not discouraged, and turned to the courtyard of the hotel.Barely walked through the small alley next to the emergency exit.What Yuichi said was right. All the windows of this hotel face the yard, and you can see the waterfall. It is precisely because you can see the waterfall from the yard that this hotel is very popular among customers.It's all dark now.I sighed and stared blankly at the yard.A railing from the hotel runs across the rock.Thin waterfalls fell from high places on the mossy rocks, making a rushing sound.The icy splashes glowed white in the darkness.Brilliant green lights shone from all over the waterfall, revealing the trees in the yard, which were an unnaturally emerald green color.This scene reminds me of the tropical rainforest scenery in Disneyland.False green!I thought, looking back at the row of dark windows. Suddenly I was also inexplicably convinced: The room on the corner in front is Yuichi's room, and it glows green under the reflection of the light. Thinking of this, I felt that I could peep through the window now, so I couldn't help but climbed a few steps to the rocky rockery. The decorative eaves between the first and second floors are so close in front of me that I feel like I can touch them if I straighten my waist.I stepped on the rocks piled up in strange shapes to test whether they were strong and safe, and climbed on two or three more stones, which made me closer.I tentatively reached out to the drip pipe, and finally grabbed the drip pipe.I jumped desperately, grabbed the drip pipe with one hand, and with a sharp force, the other elbow rested on the decorative eaves, and my hand firmly grasped the tiles of the eaves.The wall of this building suddenly stood upright in front of me, my untrained and thin motor nerves made a "whoosh", and I felt that the nerves shrank suddenly.I gripped the protruding tiles of the decorative eaves, and just landed on my toes, in a dilemma.My wrists were numb from the cold, and what was especially bad was that the strap of the rucksack slipped off one shoulder. Oops!I didn't pay attention, and was hung on the eaves, and I was so uncomfortable that I breathed out.What should I do? Looking down, the place just under my feet seemed very far away and pitch black.The sound of the waterfall is extraordinarily loud.I had no choice but to use my arms to try to jump up into the air.I wanted to put my upper body on the eaves, so I kicked hard. My right arm hissed, and a searing pain streaked across.I rolled and crawled, lying on the concrete platform of the decorative eaves.There was a thud under my feet, I don't know if it was stepping on rainwater or dirty puddles. Ah——I lay down and glanced at my right arm. The scratch just now was dark red, and my eyes turned black from the pain.It was the first time I was injured in my life. Indeed all so-- I threw the rucksack beside me, lay face up and looked up at the roof of the hotel, staring at the clear moon and clouds in the distance, my mind was full of thoughts. (In this case, you will probably think so. This may be self-defeating. I would like to be called a philosopher of action.) There are many roads, and everyone chooses by himself.People are full of longing at the moment of choice, and this sentence seems to be similar to this moment.I am exactly that.Now I have fully understood.I know it can be articulated.Although it is not an expression in the sense of fatalism, the road is always fixed.Every day's breathing, every day's gaze, and the reciprocating days and nights are all natural and unchanging.Not all of them will.When I realized this, it seemed completely reasonable to lie down and look up at the night sky. In this cold winter, in the stagnant water on the roof of this strange house, what was with me was the donburi. Oh, how beautiful the moon is! I stood up and knocked on the window of Yuichi's room. I feel like I've been waiting a long time.When the cold wind stabbed my soaked feet like needles, the light in the room suddenly turned on, and Yuichi came out of the room with a face full of surprise. 我站在房檐上。雄一从窗口看见我的半身时，双眼圆睁，嘴在动着，问是不是美影。我又敲敲窗户，点点了头。雄一慌忙把窗户哗啦打开了。雄一紧紧拉住了我伸出的冰凉的手。 视野顿时通亮，我不由眨眨眼睛。房间里颇为温暖宛如另一世界。我觉得四分五裂的心灵与身体总算合二为一了。 “我来送牛排盖浇饭。”我说，“你知道吗？这盖浇饭好吃透了，好吃得不忍心自己吃。” 我从背囊里掏出盖浇饭盒。 荧光灯的照射下席垫带着蓝白的光。电视的声音隐隐约约地飘荡。被褥还是雄一刚才出来时的样子放着。 “过去也有过这种事儿。”雄一说。“我是说在梦里。现在也是在梦里？” “唱支歌怎么样？我们两个人一起。” I laughed.一见到雄一，现实感从我心里飘然而去。过去我们的相识，在同一房间里的生活，一切都如遥远的梦。他的心已经不在这个世上，我害怕他那冷漠的双眸。 “雄一，不好意思，能给我一杯茶吗？我马上得走。”我又加了一句，“是梦也不要紧。” "Ok." 雄一应了一声。他拿来了暖壶和小茶壶。他倒了一杯冒着蒸气的热茶。我双手捧着茶碗，一饮而尽。我总算心神松弛，仿佛又活了过来。 我再次感觉到房间空气的沉重。或许这里当真是雄一的恶梦。在这里果得越久，我越是成为雄一恶梦的一部分，即将消失在黑暗之中。这便是朦朦胧胧的印象，辨认不清的命运——我说： “雄一真的不想再回去了吧？与过去不正常的生活决裂，重新开始新的生活吧？不要说谎，我知道的。”我虽然述说着满心的绝望，但心境平静，不可思议。“不过现在反正是要吃盖浇饭，喂，快吃吧。” 灰色的沉默席卷而来，令人窒息，催人泪下。雄一羞愧地垂低眼帘，接过盖浇饭。在蛀虫一般蚕食生命的空气之中，那种出乎意料的某种心绪向后推着我们。 “美影，那手怎么了？” 雄一看到我的擦伤就间。 “不要紧，趁着还有点热，快吃吧！” 我微笑着，用手指着饭盒说。 雄一的情绪好像仍然没有稳定下来就打开饭盒盖子说：“哈，看着很好吃啊。”他开始吃起先前老伯伯精心装的盖浇饭。 我一见他吃，心里轻松下来。 我做了值得干的事，我想。——我知道，昔日愉快时光的闪亮晶体，从记忆深处酣眠之中突然苏醒，推了我们一把。往日芳香扑鼻的空气，从我的心里携着生气复苏，犹如一阵清新的空气拂过。 又一段关于家庭的回忆。 夜晚，我们两个在玩着游戏机，等待惠理子归来。接着我们三个人揉搓着满带睡意的眼睛，出去吃烙面。我因为工作累得精神不振，雄一给我画滑稽可笑的漫画；看到漫画几乎笑出泪水的惠理子的笑；星期天晴朗的早晨，烧牛排的香味；每每在地板上睡觉时轻轻给盖毛毯的感觉；惠理子走路时的细腿，裙子下摆，在我蓦然醒来时微睁的眼前模模糊糊地晃动。雄一用车把酩酊大醉的惠理子带回来，他们两个人往房间里去的情景；……夏日赶庙会时，我请惠理子紧紧给我系上衣服的带子，那带子的颜色宛如在傍晚的天空狂舞飞旋的红蜻蜓。 真正美妙的回忆永不泯灭，刻骨铭心。随着时间的流逝，只会更加使人怀恋。 无数的白昼与夜晚，我们共同进餐。 不知何时，雄一曾说过： “为什么和你一起吃东西，总是那么香呢？” 我笑了，说： “是不是因为食欲和性欲，同时得到满足？” “不对，不对。”雄一大声笑着说。“一定是因为是一家人。” 惠理子即便不在了，我们之间又找回了那种明快的气氛。雄一吃着饭，我饮着茶，黑暗中已经没有蕴藏死亡了。这实在太好了。 “那，我回去了。” 我立起身来。 “回去？”雄一惊异地问，“回哪里，你从哪里来的？” “是啊。”我皱皱鼻子，戏谑地说。“我说，这是现实的夜啊。”我这么一开口，就止不住地讲起来。“我从伊豆坐出租车跑来的。哎，我不想失去雄一呀。我们一直孤独寂寞，但是要轻松快活地活着。死亡实在沉重，我们这么年轻本来不应该品尝到死亡，可是只能如此。从今往后，你和我在一起，也会看到痛苦、烦恼、龌龊，但是只要你不介意，我们俩人一起去那更加严峻、更加光明的地方。等你恢复精力之后也行，你好好考虑一下。你不要这么消失。” 雄一放下筷子，直直地盯着我。 “这辈子可能再也吃不到这么好的盖浇饭了……真是太香了。” “嗯” I laughed. “全身一点儿精神头儿都没有。下次见面时，给显示点男子汉的劲头看看。” 雄一也笑了。 “在我面前撕碎电话簿？” “对对对，把自行车举起来扔出去。” “把卡车撞到墙上去。” “那不就成了一个鲁莽之徒。” 雄一的笑脸灿然生辉。我已经把某种东西推近了几公分，我知道。 “那我走了。不然出租车逃掉了。” “美影！” 雄一叫住我。 "Ok?" I turn around. “要小心。” Yuichi said. 我笑着挥挥手，这回大摇大摆地打开门锁，从正门走了出来，朝着出租车急步走去。 回到旅馆，我钻进被窝。因为太冷，我开了暖气之后没有关上，就进入了酣睡之中。 ……走廊里吧碰吧啦的拖鞋声，旅馆人员说话的声音，使我蓦地睁眼醒来，外边的天气大变。宽大的窗户外边，灰云密布，天昏地暗，强风挟雪，疾驰而过。 昨夜恍然如梦。我迷迷糊糊地站起来，开了电灯。窗外山峰清晰了然，雪花飘舞纷纷洒落。树木摇曳，尖声呼叫。房间里温暖得近于闷热，四周洁白亮丽。 我又钻进被窝里，目不转睛地望着那白雪狂舞，似乎要把一切都冻僵。我的脸在发热。 惠理子已经不在了。 ——此情此景，我才真正体味到不可能再见她了，无论我们如何生存，无论人生是多么漫长而美好。 冒着严寒、行走江边的人们；在车顶开始落下薄薄一层的白雪；不断左右摇晃、抖落枯叶的树木；冷然银光闪亮的铝合金窗框。俄顷，门外响起了老师欢悦地叫我起床的声音： “美影，起来了吗？下雪啦，雪。” 我应了一声，爬起来换好了衣服。现实的一天又将开始了，循环往复、无穷无尽的开始。 最后一天是去下田的一家小饭店采访法国菜。我们这些人以丰盛的晚餐，结束了这次的采访。 不知怎么回事，大家都是惯于早睡的人，而我则是一个超级夜猫子，兴头未尽。在大家解散回房睡觉之后，我独自一人去前面不远的海滨散步。 我穿着大衣，套了两层长简袜，可还是冷得直想喊叫。我买了罐装的咖啡，塞进衣袋里行走。那咖啡热呼呼的。 站在海堤望去，海滩白茫茫一片，海水黑黝黝一色，时而波浪泛出一道道闪闪发光的白练。 冷风劲吹，在我的头边尖声嘶叫。夜暮中，我走下了延伸到海滩的阶梯。白沙细软，沙沙作响。我一边喝着咖啡，一边径直走了下去。 大海淹没于黑暗之中，无边无际；岩石身姿鳞峋，海浪拍击，涛声震耳。我凝望着，心里奇妙地升起一股哀伤而甜蜜的情感。 从此以后，生活中必然会有无数的欢乐，无数的悲痛……即使雄一不在依然如此。 我静静独坐，遐思绵绵。 灯塔旋转，灯光向遥远的地方射去。灯光时而转向这边，时而旋即又转向远处，在海浪上开出一条光亮通朗的路。 我有所顿悟，流着鼻水回到了旅馆的房间． 房间里装着简易热水器，我烧了热水，冲了淋浴，换好衣服坐到床上时，电话铃响了起来。我拿起话筒，前台通知说： “有电话打进来，请你拿着听筒等一下。” 窗外可以俯视饭店的庭院。黑黑的草坪。再往前是白色的大门。大门的前面是刚才我去过的寒气逼人的海滨。大海翻滚黑浪，涛声阵阵传来。 “喂喂。”话筒里飞入雄一的声音。“总算找到你了，好辛苦啊。” “你从哪儿打来的？” I laughed.心里缓缓松弛了下来． “东京。”雄一笑道。 这便是全部的答案，我觉得。 “今天是最后一天，明天回去。” I say. “吃了不少好吃的东西吧？”“嗯，生鱼片、虾、野猪肉，今天是法国菜。我有点胖了。啊，对了，我往我的住处寄了一箱子东西，里面装了满满的咸山菜、鳝鱼饼、茶叶。你给我拿一下好么？” “怎么没装虾和生鱼片？” Xiongyi asked. “没办法寄呀。” 我笑。 “好吧，明天我到车站接你，你买一些用手拎回来。什么时间到？” 雄一快活地说。 房间温暖适宜，热水已开，蒸气弥漫开来。我开始告诉雄一火车到达的时间和站台号。