Chapter 4 kitchen-3

"Even you know, but I don't. Why is that?" I asked. "The one from Tanabe, I'm talking about the one from before, who messed up Tanabe in the student cafeteria." "Oh? For me?" "It seems so. But you two get along very well now. I, that's what I heard." "Well, it's the first time I've heard of it." I agree. "But you two live together?" "Tanabe's mother (strictly speaking, it shouldn't be called that) also lives with her." "Hmph! Nonsense." Sotaro yelled loudly.I used to love his outspoken character, but now I hate it, it's just embarrassing.

"That Tanabe guy," he said, "I hear he's weird?" "I don't know much about it," I replied. "We don't see each other very much...and we haven't talked much. I was just led away like a dog. I don't know anything about him. I don't know anything about that incident, just like a fool." "Do you like him or love him, I'm not sure." Sotaro said. "Anyway, I think it's fine. How long?" "have no idea" "You have to think about it!" "Yeah, I have to think about it." I say.

Keep walking through the park on your way back.The apartment of the Tanabe family could be clearly seen from among the trees. "I live there." I point with my finger. "Nice. Right by the park. I'd be up at five o'clock in the morning for a walk." Sotaro said with a smile.He was tall and I always had to look up.I stared at his profile and thought: If I were this boy, I would definitely, definitely pull me by force.Find a new apartment and drag me to school. In the past, I liked and admired his decisive and straightforward temperament very much.And hated myself for not being worthy of him.He is the eldest son of a big family, and his cheerful personality naturally formed at home warms my heart very much.

But now no matter what, what I need is the indescribable brightness and comfort of the Tanabe house.I don't want to express my feelings to him, and there is no need for this.I always feel that way when I meet him.I can only be myself, and I bemoan it. "Then goodbye." There was a burning feeling deep within me, and I asked him clearly through my eyes: Don't you still have me in your heart? "Live well!" He smiled, and there was clearly an answer in his narrow eyes. "Well, I'll remember." I said, waving goodbye.This emotion just disappeared in the boundless distance.

That night, when I was watching the video, Yuichi opened the door and came in with a big box in his arms. "You're back!" "I bought an electronic typewriter!" Yuichi said excitedly.I only recently discovered that this family has a pathological shopping addiction.The purchases are big, mostly electronics. "Hurrah." I say. "Is there anything you want to hit?" "Uh—" I was about to type the lyrics. "By the way, I will send you a postcard announcing the relocation." Yuichi said. "What, a postcard?" "In a big city, are you going to live without a place to live, without a phone?"

"But the next time you move, you have to notify me. It's really troublesome." I say. "Hey--" He is not disappointed.So I asked again: "Then please." But the topic just now flashed into my mind again. "But it's inappropriate, isn't it? Will it cause you trouble?" I asked him. "What's the trouble?" He froze in complete bewilderment. If I were his lover, I would beat him up too.For a moment I completely put my situation aside and turned against him.I couldn't figure out who he was, and it seemed like he didn't care about anything.

"I am moving to the following address, and I am waiting for letters and phone calls: XX3-21-1, XX District, Tokyo XX Apartment No. 1002 XXX-XXXX Mikage Sakurai" Yuichi typed this postcard, and I made a lot of copies in one go (as expected, he has a photocopier at home), and filled in the recipient's name and address. Yuichi also helped me fill out postcards.He is free today.He hated idleness, just discovered it.The quiet and transparent time falls drop by drop with the sound of the pen tip. The hot wind outside was blowing like a spring hurricane, making the night shake.I wrote my friend's name with a calm heart.I accidentally crossed Sotaro's name off the list.The wind was blowing so hard that you could hear the trembling of trees and power lines.I closed my eyes and rested my elbows on the folding table.Imagine the street market where the wind cannot be heard.I don't understand why there is such a small table in this room.She must have lived as she wanted, and bought this desk.She still went to the bar tonight.

"Don't sleep." Yuichi said. "I didn't sleep." I said. "This moving postcard is a joy to write." "Hey, me too." Yuichi said. "Postcards from the relocation, postcards from the trip, I love them all." "However," I resolutely asked the question again: "This postcard will cause trouble, right? Didn't you get beaten up by a girl in the student cafeteria?" "That's what I said just now." He gave a wry smile.His frank smile made me startled. "So, you can tell the truth. I'll just stay here."

"Don't be silly," he said. "Here, is this a postcard game?" "What? Postcard game?" "have no idea." We all laughed.And thus off topic.It was so unnatural that even I, who was unresponsive, could understand it.Looking into his eyes, I suddenly woke up. He, too, was in deep sorrow. Sotaro also said just now that although Tanabe's lover has been with Tanabe for a year, he doesn't know Tanabe at all, so he already hates him.She said that Tanabe only liked girls as things like pens. I'm not in love with Tanabe, so totally understand.For him, the quality and weight of pens and girlfriends are completely different.There may be people in the world who love pens to death.But this is precisely the saddest part.Anyone who has not fallen in love can understand this.

"There is no way." Yuichi noticed my silence and lowered his head. "It's not your fault at all." "……thanks." I can't help but thank you. "nothing." He smiled. I just got to know him tonight, I think.Living in the same room for almost a month, touched his heart for the first time.In this way, there is no telling when I will like him, I think so.Once I fall in love, I will take the initiative to pursue and never give up. This is my way of falling in love.But maybe like a star shining in the clouds, with today's conversation, I will gradually fall in love with him.

But, fiddling with my hands, I thought: I have to get out of here. Isn't it clear that the two of them broke up because I was here?I don't know how much perseverance I have, whether I can go back to single life immediately now.Even so, I still have to get out of here, and I really have to get out of here as soon as possible.My hands are still writing postcards, I guess it contradicts each other. I have to leave. At this time, there was a clicking sound, Eriko walked in with a big paper bag in her arms, and I was startled. "What's wrong? The bar?" Yuichi turned around and asked. "I'll go in a while, listen, I bought a juicer." Eriko took out a large box from the paper bag and said excitedly.Bought again, I think. "I'll put it down, you can use it first." "Just give me a call and I'll pick it up." Yuichi cut the rope with scissors and said. "No need, this matter." After a few clicks, Xiong opened the package and took out a beautiful juicer. It seems that anything can be made into juice. "I want to drink fresh juice to make my skin white and tender." Eriko said happily and cheerfully. "It's already this age, it can't be done." Yuichi looked at the manual and said. The two people in front of me were having an extremely ordinary conversation between a mother and her son, which made me dizzy and dizzy.It's like Mrs. Witch.In this extremely unhealthy situation, there is such a clear and pure atmosphere. "Oh, Mikage is writing a relocation notice?" Eriko looked at my hand. "Just wow, congratulations on the housewarming." Then Eriko handed over something wrapped in several layers of paper, and when she opened it, it was a beautiful glass with a banana pattern on it. "Use this to drink juice." Eriko said. "Drink banana juice with it, it will be very elegant." Yuichi said seriously. "Wow, I'm so happy." I was so moved that I almost cried and said. When I leave here, I will take this glass with me; after I leave, I will come here often to make porridge for you. I didn't say it, I just thought about it in my heart. A precious glass. The next day is the day to officially move out of the original residence.Everything is cleaned up.Finally, I can breathe a sigh of relief. In the afternoon, the sky was clear, there was no wind or cloud, and the charming golden sun shone into the empty room, which used to be my hometown. To apologize for the delay in moving out, I visited the old landlord. Since I was a child, I often went in and out of this management room, drinking tea made by the old man, and chatting with him.I feel deeply that the old man is getting old too.No wonder the old lady passed away. Grandma used to sit on a small chair and drink tea; now, like my grandmother, I am also sitting in this small chair to drink tea, chatting about the weather and the public security in this area, which is incredible. Confusing. ——Everything that happened not long ago passed me in a hurry for some reason, unstoppable.I was left alone, struggling to cope with my own malaise. I don't want to admit it at all, it wasn't me who was galloping away, absolutely not.But all this makes me sad from the bottom of my heart.The sunlight poured into my tidy room, exuding the smell of a long-standing home in the past. The kitchen window, the smiling faces of friends, the verdant green of the university campus that can be seen from the side of Sotaro, the voice of grandmother from the other side when calling late at night, the hot quilt in the cold morning, the sound of grandmother’s slippers resounding in the corridor The sound, the color of the curtains...mats...the clocks. all of these.everything that has passed away. When we came outside, the sun was already setting.Dusk is approaching lightly, the evening wind is blowing, and the skin feels slightly cold.I'm waiting for the bus.The wind blew the hem of my thin trench coat. Across the road from the bus station, a tall building stands tall, with rows and rows of windows shining with beautiful lights.The people swaying inside, the elevator going up and down, are all quietly shining, and are about to melt into the faint twilight. The last things I sorted out lay at my feet.When I thought that I was really alone this time, I couldn't help but cry, and my heart became agitated for no reason. The bus turned the corner and drove to the front and stopped slowly.People lined up to get on the bus. The bus is overcrowded.I grabbed the leather sling and braced myself as I leaned forward.Looking at the sunset with both eyes disappearing into the distance of the building. When my eyes fell on a pale moon that was about to climb quietly, the bus drove away. Every time the bus stops with a bang, my chest feels unbearable. It seems that I am exhausted.While this was going on repeatedly, I casually looked out and saw an inflatable airship floating in the far sky. The airship sailed slowly with the wind. I cheered up and stared intently at the airship.A small light on the airship flickered on and off like a pale moon shadow traveling through the air. An old woman sitting right behind me whispered to the little girl sitting in front of me: "Hey, Axue! Look at the airship, how beautiful it is." The two looked very similar, and it seemed that the girl was the granddaughter of the old woman.Maybe it was because the road was blocked and the car was crowded. The little girl was in a bad mood. She twisted her body and said angrily; "I don't know! That's not an airship." "maybe." The old woman didn't care, she still said with a smile. "It's not here yet, I'm sleepy!" Ashue couldn't stop acting like a baby. Boy, I can't help but think of that swear word because I'm tired too.I didn't regret it, and I didn't say it to the old woman. "Okay, okay, we're here. Here, look, in the back, mother is asleep. Can you wake me up?" "Ah, that's true." Ashe looked back at her mother who was dozing off on the far seat behind, and finally laughed. It's really good.I thought. The old woman's words were so kind, and the child immediately became innocent and cute when he laughed.I'm so envious, but I've never done it again... I don't like the sentimental tone and futuristic feel of the word "again."But "Again," which flashes at this moment, is unusually heavy and gloomy, with an unforgettable provocative power. I bet it was only possible to sink into thoughts as lightly and vaguely as possible.On the rickety car, the eyes inadvertently followed the blimp disappearing into the sky. But when I realized it, tears were streaming down my face and dripping wet on my chest. I can't help being stunned.Is my bodily function not working?In this scene that has nothing to do with me, tears flowed down my face like when I was drunk, and I flushed with shame.Even I felt it myself, and got off the bus in a hurry. Watching the back of the passing bus, I involuntarily ran into the dark alley.Then I squatted among the things I had brought, and wept in the dark.It was the first time in my life that I cried so loudly.Tears flowed down my face unstoppably, and I remembered that I hadn't cried bitterly since my grandmother died. I'm not crying over specific things, everything is tear-jerking. Suddenly, I noticed a puff of white steam coming out of the bright window above my head, floating in the darkness.Listen carefully, there is the noise of work, the sound of pots and spoons, and the sound of dishes. --kitchen! Uncontrollably, my mood became gloomy and relaxed, and I smiled with my head in my arms.Then I stood up, shook my skirt, and walked to Tanabe's house as agreed to go back today. God, please bless me to live! I went back to Tanabe's house, said to Yuichi, "I'm so sleepy", and fell asleep on the bed. It's been a tiring day.But after crying a lot, I felt a lot lighter, and then fell into a sweet sleep. There seemed to be something Yuichi muttered when he went to the kitchen to drink tea: Hey, he really fell asleep. I had a dream. ——In the dream I was scrubbing the sink in the kitchen, which is the kitchen of the room returned today. Everything is so sad.The egg yellow color of the floor was the color I hated the most when I lived here, but now that I am leaving, it becomes hard to let go. The relocation preparations are all ready, there is nothing in the closet or on the mobile dining table.In fact, those things have already been packed away. Suddenly, I saw Xiong wipe the floor with a rag in his hand.This gave me great comfort. "Take a break and drink some tea." I said to Yuichi.The room was empty and the sound was exceptionally loud.Gives an extremely expansive feel. "Ok." Yuichi raised his face.I thought to myself: It is not necessary to wipe the floor of other people's house so profusely, let alone the floor of the room that is about to be moved.Only he would do that. "This is your kitchen?" Yuichi sat on the cushion on the floor, took the glass I gave him, and said while drinking tea.The tea cups have been cleared away, so we have to use glasses. "This kitchen is nice." "Well, it's not bad." I say.I drink tea out of a rice bowl, holding the rice bowl with both hands as I do at a tea ceremony. The room was silent, as if in a glass box. Looking up at the wall, only traces of the wall clock remained. "what time is it now?" I asked. "It's midnight." Yuichi said. "how do you know?" "It's dark outside and very quiet." "Then, I escaped at night." I say. "Following the conversation just now," Yuichi said, "Are you planning to leave our house too? Don't leave." These words had nothing to do with Huatou just now, I looked at Yuichi in surprise. "You may think that, like Eriko, I am a person who lives as she pleases. I called you to my house after serious consideration. Your grandmother has always missed you. The person who understands your mood best is probably Me. If you recover completely and really regain your spirits, I know that even if I stop you at that time, you will still have to leave. But now you should not force yourself. You have no relatives who can confide in your pain, so we will take care of you You. The extra money my mother earns is used at this time, not to buy a juicer." he laughed. "Stay here, don't worry!" He looked directly at me, and said each word calmly, with sincerity as if he was persuading a murderer to turn himself in. I nod. "...Okay, let's continue to wipe the floor." he cried. I also stood up with the things to wash. I was washing the glass when I heard Yuichi humming in the sound of water: The boat docked quietly, Don't touch the shadow of the bright moon. "Ah, I know this song, what's it called, I really like it. Whose song is it?" I asked him. "It's Momoko Kikuchi. It's playing everywhere." "Yep!" I was cleaning the sink, and Yuichi was cleaning the floor. While we were working, we continued to sing together. In the quiet kitchen in the middle of the night, the singing was very clear and pleasant to the ear. "I really like it here." I sang the beginning of the second verse. Far away lighthouse, rotating light; Through the thick leaves of the jungle, Shine into the night of the two. We got excited and sang loudly and repeatedly. Far away lighthouse, rotating light; Through the thick leaves of the jungle, Shine into the night of the two. Suddenly, I said smoothly: "It's too loud, it will wake up the old lady sleeping next door!" After saying that, I regret it so much. Yuichi, who was turning his back to wipe the floor, seemed to have realized it earlier, his hands stopped completely, and he turned his face to show some embarrassing eyes. I didn't know what to do, so I had to smile to hide my heart. Eriko's son, whom Eriko raised with all kinds of love, suddenly became a prince.He said: "Clean up here, on the way home, eat a bowl of noodle soup on the park roof." Woke up in a dream. I found that lying on the sofa at Tanabe's house, it was late at night... I was not used to going to bed so early.What a strange dream... I thought about it, and went to the kitchen to drink water.My heart is cold.Yuichi's mother hasn't come back yet, it's already 2 o'clock. The feeling in the dream is still vivid.Listening to the sound of water splashing on the stainless steel sink, I thought blankly: Maybe I really washed the sink.The night is quiet and lonely, so quiet that the sound of stars sliding across the sky seems to be heard in my ears.The glass was full of water, seeping into the thirsty heart, the body was cold for a while, and the legs in slippers couldn't help shaking. "good evening!" Yuichi said hello.He suddenly appeared behind me and startled me. "how?" I turn around. "When I woke up, I was hungry, so I wanted to...get some noodle soup." The real Yuichi is different from the dream, he has sleepy eyes, ugly face and slurred speech.My face was also swollen and ugly from crying. "I'll make it for you, sit down, on my sofa." I say. "Oh, your sofa." He muttered and staggered to the sofa. In a small room, a light emerged from the darkness.I opened the refrigerator door by the light.I'm chopping greens.In my favorite kitchen room.Suddenly I remembered that this coincided with the noodle soup in my dream, so I turned my back and said jokingly to Yuichi; "You also said in your dream that you want to eat noodle soup." Yuichi didn't respond.I thought he was asleep, but when I looked back, Yuichi was staring at me with startled eyes. "You're not going to..." I say. "Is the kitchen floor where you lived before egg yellow?" Yuichi said to himself, "Ah, it's not a riddle." I was puzzled at first, then suddenly realized. "Thank you for wiping the floor for me just now." I say.Generally speaking, women understand this kind of thing faster. "Wake up!" Yuichi said, seeming to regret his slow reaction, he laughed: "Don't you pour the tea into the glass." "Fall yourself!" I say, "Ah, by the way, let's use the juicer to make juice! Do you want to drink it too?" "Ok." He took out the grape juice from the refrigerator, and happily took out the juicer from the box. In the kitchen in the middle of the night, there was the sound of squeezing two juices.I listened to the sharp voice and cooked the noodle soup.I feel that this scene is both extraordinary and indifferent; it is both miraculous and ordinary. A faint emotion that was about to be expressed, but then disappeared, flowed into my heart.There is still a long way to go.In the cycle of nights and mornings that alternately reincarnate, I don't know when this moment will become a dream. "It's not easy being a woman." One evening, Eriko said these words out of the blue.I was reading a magazine and looked up and asked if it meant me.This beautiful mother took advantage of the short time before going to work to water the flowers and plants by the window. "Miying is a promising child, so I want to tell you. When I adopted Yuichi, I understood this. There are many, many headaches. If you really want to become an independent person, it is best Whatever you raise, children can do as well as flowers and plants. Only in this way can you understand the limit of your ability, and survival starts from here.” She narrates her philosophy of life in a singing tone. "There are all kinds of pain, right?" I said emotionally. "Yes. But in the process of growing up in life, if you don't completely despair once, you don't know what's in you, you must never give up, and you don't know what true happiness is. I'm still lucky." She said, her shoulder-hanging hair rustling.The troubles are depressingly numerous, the roads are so steep that one does not want to face them... When will such days end.Not even love can save everything.Even so, she watered the grass and trees with her slender hands in the evening sun.In the transparent water, a rainbow rises with the gorgeous and soft sunlight. "I can understand." I say. "I love your open heart. The grandmother who raised you must have been a nice person." "She was a proud grandmother." I smile. "really not bad." She still turned her back and smiled. I looked back at the magazine and thought: I can't stay here forever, it makes me dizzy, fleeting but real. I don't know when and when, I will miss this place in other places. Or what year and what day, it will still stand in this kitchen. But now, this powerful mother, that gentle-eyed boy, and I live together.That's all.I still want to grow up, I still have to grow up, I have experienced wind, frost, rain and snow, I have fallen into the abyss several times, I have struggled several times, and I have stood up again several times.Never admit defeat.Never get discouraged. The kitchen of your dreams. I will have a lot, a lot; in my heart, in reality, and on the road.Wherever I live, there must be many kitchens, owned by one person, shared by two, shared by all.