Chapter 15 Thirteen

As you can imagine, my cousin was surrounded by flattery, which ignited the dormant jealousy in me.Since I have immersed myself in my studies at her bidding, I cannot say whether I dare to expect her to fulfill her promise to be my wife as soon as I can understand her thoughts and feelings.I felt the moment had come; for I certainly understood Edmee's mind, perhaps better than any man who courted her by writing or writing poetry.I resolved not to make use of the vows I had taken at the Rock of Maupra; but, from the latest promises she made freely at the church window, from her conversation with the abbe which I overheard in the gardens of St. Sever, it may be concluded that she Insist on repeatedly, prevent me from leaving her, and guide my education, and she takes care of me like a mother when I am sick. If all these don't give me rights, at least give me reason to hope?It is true that once the passion in my words and eyes showed, her friendship became cold; Mr. Shh was a frequent visitor, and she always showed him the same friendship as mine, less affectionate and more respectful, a natural nuance of our differences in character and age, which proved no partiality for either of us, which was also True.I can attribute her promise to a resolution of her conscience, to her concern for educating me, to her reverence for the restoration of human dignity restored by the philosophy of the Enlightenment, to her abiding love for M. de La Marche's peace. Beloved, due to attachment controlled by her powerful and intelligent mind.The confusion is heartbreaking.The expectation, which had so long sustained me of her love by obedience and fidelity, began to weaken; Respect has not grown in the same proportion.She didn't seem surprised by what she called my high intelligence; she always believed in it, and praised it too much.But she was not blind to the faults of my character, to the vices of my mind; she reproached me for them with tenderness and mercilessness, with a patience I could never imagine; thing, never love me, absolutely.

Every man pursued her, but no one was accepted.It was rumored in high society that she had promised M. de La Marche; but everyone, like me, wondered why this union was so remote.Someone went so far as to say that she was looking for excuses to get rid of him; no reason could be found for this antipathy, except for the assumption that she was passionate about me.My strange experience caused a lot of discussion, women looked at me curiously, men showed me concern and some kind of respect, I pretended to be dismissive, but in fact I was quite sensitive; in the upper class, nothing is beautified by some imagination , is unbelievable, so people exaggerate my intelligence, abilities, and learning to fantastic places; but once Edmee is seen with me and M. de La Marche, because of our behavior Calm and at ease, all inferences are self-defeating.Edmee treats us both in public as in private; M. de La Marche is a soulless wooden man, good at dignified airs; Admittedly, it is elusive because of trying to project the nobility of American manners.I must tell you that I had the honor of being introduced to Franklin as a sincere believer in liberty.Mr. Arthur Lee's gracious treatment and excellent advice is an honor; I am as dazed as the man I bitterly mock, and this little honor brings a little much needed to my misery. Relaxation.If I tell you the truth, it gives me great pleasure not to powder my hair, not to wear baggy shoes, but to be everywhere in plain but very clean dark clothes, don't shrug your shoulders; in a word, I try to imitate , and not to be confused with a real commoner, like the dress and gait of good old Richard ②, what a joy!I was nineteen, and I lived in a time when everyone played a part; that was my justification. ① Arthur Lee (174 (y-179), American diplomat.

②Richard is the protagonist in a work published by Franklin in 1732, and is the image of an ideal citizen. I can say this: my over-tolerant and naive governess publicly approved of me; to like. Spring returns to the earth, and we are going back to the country; the number of visitors to the salon is dwindling, and I am still in a state of confusion.One day I noticed that M. de La Marche showed involuntarily a wish to be alone with Edmee.I amused myself by making him uncomfortable by remaining motionless in my chair; but I saw Edmee frown slightly, an expression so familiar to me, and I pondered for a moment, resolving to see this private conversation. As a result, I knew my fate, whatever it was, and went out.

An hour later, I returned to the drawing-room; my uncle had returned; M. de La Marche stayed to supper; Edmee was brooding, but not frowning; . M. de La Marche accompanied my uncle to the Comédie Française.Edmee said she had letters to write, asking to be kept.I went out with the count and the knight; after the first act I slipped back to the hotel.Edmee wanted someone to get in the way, and I didn't think it was meant for me; the servants thought it was simple, and I usually behaved like a child in the house.I went into the drawing-room, fearing that Edmee was in her room; I could not pursue her there.She sat by the fireplace and admired the blue and white aster petals I had picked while walking by the grave of Jean-Jacques Rousseau.These flowers remind me of that passionate night, and the moonlight, perhaps the only few hours of happiness that I can mention in my life.

"Back already?" she said to me, undisturbed. "'Already' is a harsh word," I answered her. "Do you want me to retire to my bedroom, Edmee?" "No, you don't hinder me at all; but you'll benefit more from seeing Merope than from hearing me tonight; for I remind you I'm ignorant." Puerto Rico (1743), a play by Voltaire based on the legend of the Peloponnesian War. "Very well, cousin; you won't insult me, we are equals for the first time. But can you tell me why you are so contemptuous of my asters? I thought you would treat them as Keep it as a relic."

"For Rousseau's sake?" she said with a sly smile, without raising her eyes to me. "Oh! That's exactly how I understand it," I said again. "I'm playing a very interesting game," she said, "don't disturb me." "I know this game," I said to her, "every child in Varenna plays this game, and our shepherdesses believe that this game shows the judgment of fate. You pick it off four pieces at a time." These petals? Do you want me to explain your thoughts to you?" "Hi, you great wizard!" "Somewhat means someone loves you; very much means you love him; fervently means someone else loves you; not at all means you don't love this one."

"Mr. Wizard," said Edmee again, her face becoming very serious, "may I know who the one and the other are referring to? I think you are like an ancient soothsayer, and you yourself do not know you. The meaning of the oracle I asked for." "Can't you guess what I mean, Edmee?" "I will try to solve the riddle, if you will promise me to do what Oedipus did after defeating the Sphinx." ①The winged sphinx in Greek mythology.She asked passers-by to guess riddles, and those who couldn't guess were killed on the spot.Later her riddle was solved by Oedipus, and she jumped from the top of the cliff to her death.

"Oh! Edmee," I exclaimed, "I have risked myself for you and for guessing your meaning! But you never once guessed right." "Oh! my God, yes!" she said, throwing the bouquet on the fire, "you will know the answer at once. I have a little love for M. de La Marche, and I love you very much. He loves me passionately, and you are completely Don't love me. That's the answer." "Because of the very word, I sincerely forgive you this vicious interpretation," I answered her. I wanted to squeeze her hands; she jerked them back; honestly, she shouldn't have done that, and if she asked me to squeeze them, I just squeezed them friendly; Dangerous memories.I believe that her air and manner this evening were very charming, such as I have never seen her show so far.I became bolder, without knowing why, and made a bold stab at her private interview with M. de La Marche.She didn't have the heart to refute my explanation, and I saw her furrowing her brows, so I politely left and reminded her to thank me for my politeness, and she laughed.

This lightheartedness annoyed me a little, when a servant came in and handed her a letter, telling her that an answer was expected. "Bring the table over here and sharpen a quill for me," she said to me. She lazily opened the letter and browsed through it. I didn't know the content of the letter, and prepared all the necessary supplies for writing the letter. The crow quill had been sharpened long ago; the letter paper with colored patterns had been taken out of the amber folder long ago, but Edmee hadn't noticed it and was not ready to use it for a long time.The letter was spread out on her lap, her feet were on the mantelpiece, and her elbows rested on the arm of the armchair, in her favorite pose of contemplation.She was completely lost in thought.I spoke softly to her, but she didn't hear me.I thought she had forgotten to write and had fallen asleep.A quarter of an hour later, the servant came in again and asked for the messenger if there was any reply.

"Of course," she replied, "tell him to wait." She read the letter again intently, and began to write slowly; then, she threw the reply letter into the fire, pushed the armchair away with her foot, walked around the room a few times, and suddenly stopped in front of me, with an indifferent and serious expression. look at me. "Edmee," I exclaimed, standing up abruptly, "what is the matter with you, what has this letter to do with me?" "What does it matter to you?" she replied. "What does it matter to me!" I exclaimed. "What does the air I breathe matter to me? What does the blood in my veins matter to me? Ask me that question; very good! But don't ask me, yours." What does a word, a smile mean to me, because you know my life depends on it."

"Don't talk crazy, Bernard," she said, casually returning to her armchair, "everything has its time." "Edmee! Edmee! Don't play tricks with the Sleeping Lion, and don't stir the fire that simmers under the ashes." She shrugged and began to write excitedly.Her face was flushed; now and then she ran her fingers through the long curls that fell to her shoulders.In this flustered look she was astonishingly beautiful: she looked in love, but with whom?Needless to say, it was the man she had written to.Jealousy burned my internal organs.I left the room with a sudden movement, crossed the hall, and stared at the messenger; he was dressed as a servant of M. de La Marche.I no longer doubted it; my exasperation increased when it was confirmed.I went back into the living room and slammed the door shut.Edmee didn't even look back; she kept writing.I sat down facing her and stared at her with fiery eyes.She didn't bother to look up at me.I even thought it was an insult to my annoyance to spot a half-smile on her bright red lips.At the end, she finished writing the letter and sealed the envelope.So I got up and approached her, really wanting to snatch the letter from her hand.I have learned to be more self-possessed than I was before; and I feel that, in moments of excitement, days' work can be overturned in an instant. "Edmee," I said with a wry smile, making a terrible grimace which I tried to maintain, "will you let me deliver this letter to M. de La Marche's servant? Will you let me And whisper to him at what time to ask his master to come for the rendezvous?" "I think," she answered me, irritated by her calmness, "that I can fix the time in a letter without informing the servants." "Edmee, you should treat me better!" I cried. "That doesn't bother me," she replied. She threw the letter she had received on the table for me, went out, and handed the reply to the sender herself.I don't know if she said that to me, look at this letter.I know that the excitement that drives me to do this is irrepressible.The letter roughly reads: Edmee, I have at last discovered the deadly secret, as you see Come, this secret is an insurmountable obstacle to our union.cowry Ernar loves you; his agitation this morning betrayed him.but you don't love He, I'm sure of that...it's impossible!you should be blunt Say it to me.The obstacle lies elsewhere.Please forgive me!I finally know Well, you spent two hours in the robber's den!Unfortunate girl, your no Fortunately, your prudence, your noble and careful planning, seem to me all the more impressive become sublime.Why didn't you tell me in the first place?what happened to you fortunate?I will take your pain and my own pain with equanimity.I Will help you keep your secrets.I'll groan with you, how about Say, I'll testify with love that can withstand all tests, and remove this hateful memories.But there is nothing to despair; it is too late to say night, this sentence is: I love you more than ever; I love you more than ever Be firmer, to dedicate my name to thee; accept it. The letter was signed Adhemar de La Marche. I had hardly read the letter when Edmee came in, and approached the fire restlessly, as if she had forgotten a treasure.I handed her the letter I had just read, and she took it absent-mindedly; leaning over the fireplace, she hastily and eagerly seized the scrawled paper which the flames had just licked.This was the first reply she had written to M. de La Marche's letter, and she did not think it proper to send it. "Edmee," I said, kneeling to her, "let me see this letter. In any case, I will submit to the judgment of your first act." "Really," she said, with an indescribable expression, "would you do it? If I had always loved M. de La Marche, if I had made a great sacrifice for you and broken him, would you? In your generosity, let me take back my promise?" I hesitated for a moment, covered in cold sweat.I fixed my eyes on her; her unfathomable gaze gave no hint of what she was thinking.If I believed she loved me, and would try my virtue, I might have acted heroically; but I fear it is a trap; passion overwhelms me.I feel powerless to really break up with her, I hate being fake.I stood up trembling with anger. "You love him," I cried, "admit that you love him!" "If so," she answered, stuffing the letter into her pocket, "what's the crime?" "The crime is that you told me that you didn't love him, and you have been lying to me so far." "Too much has been said so far," she said, staring at me. "We haven't talked about this since last year. Back then, I probably didn't love Adhemar very much. Now, I probably love him more than I love him." You. If I compare what you two do, what I see is that the one is rough, unloving, uses my heart for promises that may not be agreed to; the other is a wonderful friend, loyal and desperate Prejudice, though it thought I was stained with an indelible shame, still insisted on covering it with his protection." "What! The bastard thinks I'm raping you and won't challenge me to a duel?" "He doesn't think so, Bernard; he knows that you helped me out of the Rock of Maupra; but he thinks that you helped me too late, and that I fell victim to other robbers." "He wants to marry you, Edmee! Either he is indeed a noble man, or he is more in debt than people think." "Shut up," said Edmee exasperatedly, "such malicious interpretations of generosity can only come from dead hearts and perverted minds. Be quiet, if you don't want me to hate you." "Say it, you hate me, Edmee, and have the courage to say it, as I know it to be so." "Bold and courageous! You should know that I will not give you face, saying that I am afraid of you. Please answer: Since you don't know what I want to do, do you understand that I should give me back my freedom and give up my barbaric rights?" "I don't understand at all, I only know that I love you madly, and that whoever dares to compete with me for you, I will tear out his heart with my fingernails. I know, I will force you to love me, and if I don't succeed, I will only I live, at least I will not bear you to belong to someone else. Before I put a wedding ring on your finger, others will walk over my body covered with wounds, bleeding from every pore; I will die saying that you are My mistress, discredit thee, and disturb the pleasure of him that conquered me; if I could stab thee with my dagger at the end of my breath, I would do so, that at least you may be my wife in the grave. That's what I'm going to do, Edmee. Now play tricks on me, lead me into trap after trap, control me with your artful maneuvers; I can be fooled a hundred times, for I'm a fool Ignorant man; but your plots always lead to the same end, because I swear by Mauprat's name!" "In the name of Maupra the Robber!" she answered sarcastically. She wants to go out. I was about to take her by the arm when the bell rang; the priest returned.As soon as he appeared, Edmee took his hand, and without saying a word to me, went back to her bedroom. The good abbe, seeing that I was disturbed, questioned me confidently; his right to my concern probably gave him this confidence.This is exactly what we never touch on.It was in vain that he tried to know; the history lessons he gave me always drew models and creeds of temperance or tolerance from famous love stories; but he could not make me say a word about it.I cannot quite forgive him for speaking ill of me around Edmee.Thinking that guessing him would be a disservice, I braced myself against his philosophical arguments and temptations of friendship.I was more invulnerable than usual that night.I made him anxious; I went back and flung myself on the bed, and covered my head with the covers, to stifle my rare outbursts of sobs, the pitiless victors of my pride and rage.