Chapter 14 twelve

The old Bernard was tired of talking, let us continue listening the next day.When the scheduled time came, we urged him to keep the promise, and he continued to narrate as follows: This period marked a new phase in my life.At Saint-Several, I was obsessed with love and learning.All my energy is concentrated on these two points.On arriving in Paris, a thick curtain was raised before my eyes, and for a few days I was not surprised at anything by my ignorance.I overestimated all the actors who appeared on the stage, but I also overestimated it, and I could easily match the power of this ideal before long.My bold and vain nature was challenged here and there, but met no obstacles.

The floor where I stayed was not the one where my uncle and cousin lived, and I spent most of my time thereafter with the abbe.I was not in the least carried away by the material superiority of my situation; I began to feel comfortable in my own situation, seeing that many people were in a very problematic and desperate situation.I understood the excellent character of my governess, and the respect of my servant no longer seemed inappropriate to me.I enjoyed my freedom, spent my money as I wanted, was young and strong, and surprisingly, I didn't indulge, even if I was addicted to gambling, which actually suited my aggressive instincts.It was my ignorance of everything that kept me away from everything; ignorance made me overly suspicious, and the abbe, with his deep vision, understood that I was responsible for my actions, and skillfully exploited my untrusting wildness.He strengthens this disposition in me that is harmful to me, and counteracts it otherwise.Then he arranged around me legitimate amusements, which did not replace the joys of love, but softened the pain of the wound it caused.As for the lure of profligacy, I know nothing.I am too proud, I think a woman who is not as good as the peerless beauty Edmee is not worth pursuing.

We would get together at dinner, and in the evening we would go high society.Soon, looking at the situation from the corner of the room, I learned more things than I could have guessed and studied in a year.I believe that I didn't know anything about society before, because I watched it from a distance.No definite connection can be established between my mind and the things that occupy other people's minds.Once I was in the midst of this chaos, the chaos was forced to order before me, allowing me to understand most of its elements.The path that led me to life, I remember, was not without its charms from the point of departure.I have nothing to ask for, nothing to hope for, nothing to gain from the interests of society; good luck will come to me automatically.A good morning that pulls me out of the abyss to sit on the eiderdown as a child in the family.Other people's fuss is just fun in my eyes.My heart is bound up with the future only by the mysterious point, that my love for Edmee is bound up with the future.

The illness not only did not weaken my physical strength, but exercised my physical strength.I no longer resembled a sleepy, heavy-bodied beast that had been languid with digestion, and that had been made dizzy with exhaustion.I felt the fibers of my muscles vibrate, chords unheard of in my soul; I was amazed to discover abilities in myself which I had not long thought to use.My kind relatives rejoiced at this, but showed no surprise.They had long made friendly predictions of principle to me, as if they had nothing else to do in life but tame savages. The nervous system was fully developed in me, and I often paid for it in the second half of my life with severe pain, in return for the enjoyment and benefits it afforded me; it especially made me sentimental.This ability to feel the effects of external things is supported by a powerful body, which is found only in animals or savages.I am amazed at the decline of other people's physical abilities.The men who wear glasses, the women whose perfume is weakened by the smell of tobacco, the old people who are prematurely deaf and gouty before old age, they all make me sick.High society seems to me to be a hospital, and when I am in the midst of these feeble ones with a sound body, I feel that I can blow them into the air with one breath, like blowing the seeds of a curtain.

This leads me to the mistake of wallowing in the foolish pride of displaying my natural endowments.It also caused me to ignore for a long time the real perfection in them, which is a step forward in luxury.Before long, I also noticed the incompetence of others, which prevented me from improving above those whom I thought would be below me in the future.I don't see that this social circle is made up of mediocre people. They are so cleverly arranged and so stable that if you want to get in it, you have to be a practical person.I did not know that there was no intermediary ground in this circle between the role of the great artist and that of the journeyman.However, I am neither, and to tell the truth, all my thoughts have never been free from stereotypes, and all my strength, like everyone else, is only used to reluctantly follow the routine.

So, over the course of a few weeks, I went from extreme admiration of this social circle to extreme contempt.Once I understood the workings of its prime movers, I felt that they were poorly moved by a feeble generation, and that my teachers would have waited in vain, though they were ignorant of them.Instead of feeling dominated or trying to dissolve in this crowd, I imagined that I could dominate them if I wanted to;If I didn't become terribly ridiculous, it was because of this vanity at work: I was afraid that I would hurt myself by showing it. I do not wish to describe to you the picture of Paris at that time, which you, needless to say, have assiduously studied many times in the excellent picture which eye-witnesses have drawn either in general history or in special memoirs.Moreover, such a description is beyond the scope of my narrative, and I only promise to relate to you the main facts of my spiritual and philosophical experience.To give you an idea of ​​my intellectual activities at the time, it is only necessary to tell you that the War of Independence broke out in America, that Voltaire received the highest honors in Paris, that Franklin, the prophet of the new political religion, brought great influence to the interior of the French court. Here comes the seed of freedom.Lafayette was secretly preparing his legendary expedition; most of the aristocratic youth were enamored of the taste inherent in fashion, novelty, and non-dangerous dissent. ① The American War of Independence broke out in 1775 and ended in 1783, lasting 8 years.

②Lafayette (1757-1834), a French politician and military strategist, once aided the American War of Independence. Arrived in Philadelphia in July 1777, returned to France only after the victory. The Opposition took on a more dignified form, and played a more important role in the aged nobles and councilors; at the same time gave great help to the penetration of Enlightenment philosophy.The privileged classes of society, dissatisfied with the king's restraints, endeavored to contribute to the imminent collapse of their privileges.They elevate their descendants in legislative principles, imagining a new dynasty, when the people will raise them again to a position higher than the crown; Highest admiration for Voltaire, warmest affection for Franklin.

This extraordinary process, which, it must be said, is not natural to the human spirit, gave a new impetus to the indifferent and artificial relations between the people at the court of Louis XIV, and injected an active element prone to friction.It mixed a solemn form, a semblance of fullness, to the frivolity of the Regency.The honest and commonplace customs of the time of Louis XVI were nothing, and gave nothing; never have I seen such stern nonsense, so many empty maxims, so many intellectuals who boasted of their beauty, such The disjunction between speech and deeds was so common among the so-called enlightened classes at the time. ① Refers to the period when Louis XV was a minor in France from 1715 to 1723 when Philip de Orleans was regent.

This must be mentioned to you in order for you to understand that my admiration at first for a circle of society that seemed to be so disinterested, bold, and fervent in pursuit of truth went on to so much affectation and frivolity, to such abuse of the most sacred word. and belief disgusted.In my case it was genuine feeling; my philosophic passions, the fledgling free sensibility of what was then called reason, were founded on an unalterable logical foundation.I am young and in good health, perhaps this is the first condition of a normal mind; my study is not intense, but solid; the teacher provides me with healthy and easy-to-digest food.The little I know is enough to make me see that other people are either ignorant or deceiving each other.

At first, not many people came to the knight.He was a boyhood friend of Durgot and several eminent persons, and never associated with the dandies of his day; he distinguished himself in the war, and then lived wisely in the country.His social circle consisted of a few dignified gowned nobles, a few old soldiers, and a few lords of the province, old and young, like himself, who, on account of their substantial fortunes, visited Paris every other year. to spend the winter; but, though he kept estranged relations with the more prominent circles of society, Edmee's beauty and graceful manners were noticed as soon as she was there.As an only child, quite wealthy, she was pursued by well-established housewives, sort of high-class matchmakers, who always protected a few indebted young men who depended on provincials for their families.Later, everyone knew that she was the fiancee of Mr. de La Marche, a descendant of a famous family that was almost extinct, and she was especially welcomed. It became too narrow for the philosophic ladies and gentlemen who longed to know the young Quaker woman, or Rose of Berry (as one of the ladies of the day called her). ① Durgo (1727-l781), a French politician and economist, advocated free trade.

Edmee, hitherto unknown to this circle of society, did not in the slightest bewildered by her rapid success; Was she complacent about producing such a large effect.All I could notice was admirable sanity governing her demeanor.Her manner was innocent and reserved, mixed with casualness, modesty and pride, which made her shine among the famous and most conspicuous women; They were not impressed by their dress; I found their artificial elegance ridiculous, and their high-society airs gave me an unbearable sense of arrogance.I was so bold at heart, and so uncouth not so long ago, that I was uncomfortable and embarrassed about them; and it took Edmee to reproach and admonish me, to keep me from deeply contemptuous of the flattery in the glances, dress, and obsequies. , this flattery connotes what in polite society is called tolerable refinement, the endearing desire to please, geniality, and grace.The priest agreed with me.After the living room emptied out, we all stayed by the fire for a while before we parted.At this time, everyone felt the need to sum up the scattered impressions and tell those close to them.The priest stood with me, arguing with my uncle and cousin.The knight is an admirer of feminine elegance, though he rarely makes such remarks, and as a true French knight, he defends all the beauties whom we ruthlessly attack.He laughed and accused the priest of talking about women, thinking that it was like the fox in the fable who couldn't eat the grapes.I went further than the priest's criticism; it was a way of vehemently relaying to Edmee how much I liked her, and no one else; , she said, was rooted in my superciliousness. She graciously defends all the ladies who are accused, and then, really, once we hold Rousseau in our hands and tell her that the women of the upper class in Paris look arrogant and fixate on men who are intolerable in the eyes of saints. At times, she sided with our opinion.When Rousseau spoke, Edmee was irrefutable; she was happy to agree with Rousseau that the greatest charm of a woman lay in listening to serious speech with humility and intelligence; The woman is like a beautiful child, with big eyes full of affection, tenderness, and delicacy, asking questions timidly and with deep meaning, in order for her to recognize herself in this portrait that seems to be painted like herself.I went further than the words of the book and went on to paint this portrait: "A woman of real excellence," I said, looking at her lovingly, "will be very tactful, never ask a ridiculous or inappropriate question, never confront a man of talent; such a woman is good at keeping silent, especially When she confronts the fool she may ridicule and the ignorant she may insult; she tolerates the absurd because she insists on not being pedantic, she watches for the good because she wants to be taught by it. What she longs for is understanding, rather than imparting; her skill (since she admits that conversation requires skill) is not to bring together two proud opposites, anxious to show off their respective learnings, to support the discussion of a point for which neither hopes to find a solution, To amuse those present; and her knack for clearing up all useless arguments, and bringing in whoever can clarify the matter in time, is a talent I have never seen in a housewife whom everyone praises. In their homes I always see two popular lawyers and some stupefied audiences, but no judge; they have a knack for making geniuses look dumb, and mediocrities dumb and dumb; People go out and say, 'Great eloquence,' and that's all." I thought I was right; and I also remember feeling righteous indignation at these women for their contempt for a man who thought he had talent but was unknown; and that man, as you can imagine, was me.On the other hand, I have hitherto been unprejudiced, my vanity has not been hurt, but I still think: I am sure that these women have a knack for flattering the public favorite, which is more childish vanity than childish vanity. Like sincere appreciation or frank favor.They are like publishers in conversation, straining their ears to listen, gesticulating majestically to the audience to listen respectfully to the stupid words of famous people, while they suppress their yawns and rattle their fan bones at every word, no matter the language. How brilliant, as long as the sentence doesn't stamp a celebrity.I don't know the look of talented women in the nineteenth century; I don't even know if such people still exist: I haven't been in high society for thirty years; and as for the past, you can take my word for them.There are five or six women who I find really repulsive.One of them was humorous, and uttered witticisms, which were then trafficked to all the salons, and I had to hear them repeated twenty times in a day; and a third could play the harp badly, but it must be admitted that her arms were the most beautiful in France; she had to endure the harsh plucking of her fingernails on the strings before she took off her gloves timidly and childishly.What about the others?They excel in affectation and insincerity, and every man childishly agrees to be deceived by them.There was only one really handsome, who said nothing, and whose languid demeanor was pleasing to the eye.She even found me elegant, because she had no talent; but she prided herself on it, and compared herself to others with an awkward innocence.One day I found her sharp and I began to hate her. Only Edmee radiates the brilliance of sincerity, innocence, and natural charm.She was sitting on the sofa next to M. de Maleselbes, exactly the same as how many times I had gazed at her on the stone bench at the door of the Patience hut in the sunset. ①De Maraiselbes (1721-1794), a French statesman, once protected the philosophers of the Enlightenment.