Chapter 7 Part IV 31-35

the fourth part 31 Waddington accompanied Katie up the hill, and they turned around to visit Walter's grave.He said goodbye to her before the arch in memory of the chaste widow.She gazed one last time at the arch, and the irony of her situation was no less ironic than the enigmatic arch.She got into the sedan chair. Days passed by.The scenery along the way is just the scene of thousands of thoughts for her.Only a few weeks earlier, she had traveled the same road in the opposite direction.Now the scenery in my eyes and the scenery in my memory overlap, just like looking at a stereoscopic mirror, adding a little different meaning.The convicts with luggage on their shoulders shuffled discretely, in groups of twos and threes in front, followed by a single one a hundred yards away, and groups of threes and twos behind them.The soldiers of the convoy plodded along, covering five to twenty miles a day.The maid sat on a sedan chair carrying two people, while Katie sat on a sedan chair carrying four people, not because she was heavier than the maid, but because of the difference between master and servant.From time to time, you will meet teams of hard laborers carrying heavy burdens, lined up and walking slowly on the road.Sometimes when I meet a Chinese official sitting in a sedan chair, I will show curiosity when I see this Caucasian woman.After this came a group of peasants, in faded blue coats and broad hats, hurrying to the market.Suddenly a woman appeared again, it was hard to tell whether she was young or old, and she walked staggeringly with her little feet wrapped in cloth.They go up the mountain for a while and go down the mountain for a while.There are neat rice fields all over the mountain, and the farmhouses are all secluded in the bamboo forest, which looks comfortable and warm.They passed through rough villages, past crowded towns, walled in like ancient cities described in the Missal.The sunshine in early autumn is very pleasant. If it is in the early morning, the hazy morning light shines on the neat rice fields, giving people a feeling like a fairyland.It will be a bit chilly at first, but then warms up comfortably.Katie bathed in the morning light, enjoying the rare feeling of happiness to the fullest.

The scenery in front of me is bright and colorful, each has its own characteristics, and it often surprises people, just like a stack of extraordinarily gorgeous tapestry.And on the tapestry, Katie's thoughts dangled like mysterious, bleak shadows.Everything in the memory seems to be unreal.The stacked walls of Meitan Prefecture are like the canvas of a certain city on the stage of an ancient drama.The nuns, and Waddington, and the Manchu women who loved him, looked like some fancy-dressed characters at a masquerade.And the others—those who roamed the crooked streets and those who died—were mere pawns on the stage.Of course there is something special about all of us, but what is it?They're like dancers in an old religious ceremony, and you know that those limbs moving to a complex rhythm have some meaning that you have to understand, but you just can't get a clue.

Katie can't believe it (an old woman walks along the causeway in blue cloth the color of lapis lazuli in the sun. Her face is wrinkled like an old ivory mask. She bends waist, feet shifting, and a long black cane in hand), Katie could not believe that she and Walter had participated in such a strange and unreal ball, and played such an important role in it.She might have easily lost her life, so wouldn't he?Could this be a joke?Maybe it was just a dream, and she should wake up immediately and let out a long sigh of relief.In a blink of an eye, all this seemed to have happened in a very long time, in an unreachable place.How indistinct the characters of this distant drama must have been before the sunny reality.Katie felt that the play was just a novel she had read, and that the stories described in the book seemed to have nothing to do with her, which almost frightened her.She could no longer recall what Waddington's face looked like, so familiar to her not so long ago.

That evening they should be able to reach the town on the banks of the West River, catch a steamer there, and then reach Hong Kong in one night. 32 At first she was ashamed that she hadn't been able to cry when Walter died.Such behavior seems so heartless and unjust, why can even Commander Yu, a Chinese military officer, have tears in his eyes?She was stunned by her husband's death.For her, it was hard to imagine that he would never go back to their residence again, and never hear the sound of him taking a bath in that Suzhou bathtub after getting up in the morning.He used to be a living person, but now he is dead.The sisters of the convent marveled at her poise, and marveled at her courage in restraining her grief.But she could not hide from Waddington's shrewd eyes, behind his serious sympathy, she always felt--how should I put it? ——He still kept some words in his stomach.Of course, Walter's death was a shock to her, and she didn't want him dead.But after all she didn't love him, never had loved him.The mourning of the widow is virtuous and womanly, and anyone who reads her mind will inevitably call her heartless, mean, and ugly.But after going through so many things, she no longer wants to be hypocritical and rebellious.At least the past few weeks have taught her a truth, sometimes lying to others is necessary, but self-deception is unforgivable.She was sorry that Walter had died so tragically, but her grief was that of any acquaintance who died.She admitted that Walter had an admirable character, but unfortunately she didn't like him, but just bored him.It cannot be said that his death was a relief to her.She could honestly say that if she could bring Walter back to life with one word, she would say it without hesitation.But it cannot be denied that after Walter's death, her life was indeed more or less comfortable.They were never happy together, and parting was out of reach.Thinking of this, she couldn't help being taken aback by herself. If others knew what she was thinking, they would definitely think that she was a heartless and poisonous woman.But they will not know.She suspects that everyone in this world has hidden secrets in their hearts, and she is afraid that others will take a look at them.

She couldn't see what the future would look like, and she didn't have any plans in her heart.The only thing she was sure of was going back to Hong Kong first, and staying there for a short while.She could already imagine that she must still be in shock when she reached that land.But she would rather sit in a rattan sedan chair forever and wander in the pleasant rural scenery, spending the night under different roofs every day. The fleeting life of all living beings has nothing to do with her, she is just an indifferent spectator who has nothing to do with herself.But she had to face the immediate matter. After returning to Hong Kong, she had to live in a hotel first, return the previous house, and sell all the furniture that could be sold.There is no need to see Tang Sheng.It must have been quite gracious for him not to bother her.Then she wanted to meet him, just to tell him how much she despised him now.

But why bother? What is Tang Sheng? A thought has always been hidden in her heart, constantly beating her atrium, as if in the complex interweaving of a grand symphony, there is always an active and rich melody of harp arpeggios—— It gave the endless rice fields a strange beauty, and it made her smile when a young man driving to the market looked at her excitedly and boldly.The plague-ravaged city was a prison she had just escaped, and the sky had never been so blue in her eyes, and the bamboo groves leaning down the causeway were so pleasant.free!That was the thought that had been circling in her mind all along.It is with freedom that the future, though still indistinct, is suddenly colorful in the radiance of the morning light, like the mist on a brook.free!She broke free from the disturbing shackles, and the figure that haunted her disappeared forever.The threat of death was gone, the love that had condescended her was gone with the wind.All the spiritual fetters have gone to hell, leaving only a free and unrestrained soul.With freedom, she also has the courage to face the future without fear.

33 The steamboat docked at the pier in Hong Kong, and Katie had been standing on the deck, watching the bustling boats on the river. "Mrs. Finn." Katie turned her head, saw a familiar face, and immediately remembered it.Her heart beat violently, and her face turned red.It was Dorothy Townsend.Katie never dreamed that she would see her here, she was at a loss for a while, and didn't know what to say.Mrs. Townsend came into the cabin and held Katie in her arms. "Well, dear, my dear, you are so unfortunate." Katie let her kiss her, surprised at the sincerity of this cold, distant woman.

"Thank you," muttered Katie. "Go on deck. Let the servants fetch your things. I have brought the boy." She took Katie's hand, and Katie led the way in front of her.She found that the woman's tanned, kind face did indeed have a look of concern. "Your boat was ahead of schedule, and I almost missed it." Mrs. Townsend said, "If I don't pick you up, then I can't forgive myself." "You came to pick me up on purpose?" Katie exclaimed. "of course." "But how did you know I was coming?" "Mr. Waddington has sent me a telegram."

Katie turned away, something stuck in her throat.It was funny how a little unexpected kindness had touched her so much.She did not want to cry yet, and she wished Dorothy Townsend would step aside.But she took Katie's hand and held it.It was embarrassing to Katie that such a show of affection could be made by such a rich woman. "I would like you to grant me one request. Charlie and I would both like you to come and live with us while we are in Hong Kong." Katie withdrew her hand. "It's very kind of you. But I probably won't be able to go." "But you have to come. You can't be alone in your own house, it's too scary for you. I've got it all sorted out, and you'll have your own living room. If you don't mind, you can come with us Dinner. We both look forward to your coming."

"I don't plan to go home. I want to stay in a hotel in Hong Kong first. I must not bother you so much." Mrs. Townsend's suggestion surprised her greatly, and she was bewildered.If Charlie had any self-respect, how could he have allowed his wife to make this invitation?She never wanted to owe any of them any favors. "Well, I can't imagine letting you stay in a hotel. You'd hate Hong Kong hotels. There's all kinds of people there, and the band plays jazz all day and night. Just say you want to come. I promise neither Charlie nor I will bother you." "I don't understand why you have to be so nice to me." Katie seemed to be unable to find an excuse to refuse, but she couldn't categorically refuse. "I'm afraid I won't be a good companion with people I don't know well."

"Aren't we acquainted with you? Well, I never wish that, I wish you would allow me to be your friend." Dorothy clasped her hands on her breast, and trembled in that steady, composed, dignified voice. , Tears also flowed down. "I'm eagerly looking forward to your coming. You know, I want to make up for the wrong I did to you." Katie didn't understand her, what did Charlie's wife owe her? "I'm afraid I didn't like you very much at first. I thought you were an underbred man, and you know, I was too traditional and conservative. I guess I was annoying." Katie gave her a quick look.Dorothy thought at first that she was vulgar and uneducated. What did that mean?But soon, although there was no change on Katie's face, she laughed in her heart: Does she still care about who thinks of her now? "When I heard that you went to that dangerous place with your husband without hesitation, I felt like a scumbag. I was so ashamed. You are so great, so brave, you make us all Became a villain, a coward." Now her kind and dignified face was filled with tears. "I can't tell you how much I admire you, how much I respect you. I know there's nothing I can do about your loss, but I want you to know that my heart is with you. If you will allow me to do it for you Even the slightest thing is to forgive my sins. Don't resent me because I have misjudged you, you are an outstanding woman, and I am so stupid." Katie looked at the deck.She was very pale, and she wished Dorothy had not poured out her feelings so uncontrollably.She was touched, that's for sure.But she couldn't help feeling irritated that she had believed these words so credulously. "If you are really willing to accept me so much, then I would be more respectful than obedient." She sighed. 34 The residence of the Townsend family is a seaside apartment located on the top of a hill.Usually Charlie doesn't come home for lunch, but since today is Katie's day, Dorothy says (it's just Katie and Dorothy) that if she wants to see him then he'd be happy to come over to her Regards.Katie thought that since she was going to see him sooner or later, she might as well see him now.She is still looking forward to seeing his good show, see how embarrassed he must be after seeing her.She could tell that his wife had come up with the idea of ​​inviting Katie, and he readily agreed immediately, although he had a hard time hiding it.Katie knew that he tried to be proper in everything, and her hospitality certainly belonged to that category.But if he recalled the last time they met now, he would definitely blush again and again.For a man as vain as Townsend, that scene was like a wound that would never heal.She wished she had hurt him as much as she had hurt.He must hate her so much now.She didn't hate him, she just despised him, which pleased her a lot.When she thought that Tang Sheng would have to show her great courtesy against her will, she felt complacent.On the afternoon she left his office, he might have vowed never to look at her again. After Katie had settled down completely at the Townsend's house, she suddenly felt physically tired.The life in the past made her nerves tense like strings, but now that she was in a comfortable environment and received unprecedented courtesy, she suddenly relaxed.She had never imagined that being free and uninhibited was so pleasant, being surrounded by beautiful ornaments was so sleepy, and being the center of attention would give her so much satisfaction.She let out a long sigh comfortably, indulging in the luxurious beauty of the East.Now she appears in the eyes of public opinion with a plain and prudent image, and has become the target of everyone's sympathy. This feeling is not bad at all.Because she had just suffered the pain of her husband's death, everyone did not arrange a party for her with great fanfare, but the ladies and ladies in the colony (the wife of the Governor, and the wife of the Navy Commander and the Chief Justice) came to visit her in turn and accompany her. Drink tea for a while.His Excellency's wife said that he was eager to meet her, and that it would be very appropriate if she would go to the Governor's House for a quiet lunch ("not a banquet, of course, just us and some adjutants!").Ladies and ladies regard Katie as a priceless and fragile vase.In their eyes, Katie is like a heroine, and she also has enough sense of humor to play her humble and dignified role well.She sometimes wished that Waddington was here too, for his little shrewd eyes could see the funnyness of it at a glance, and maybe it would be a success when they were alone.Dorothy had received a letter from him, telling how she had devoted herself to death in the convent, how calm she had been in the face of the plague, and how calm she had been in the face of accidents.He can really play them around, the crafty old dog. 35 Katie had never been alone with Charlie, either by chance or on purpose.His way of dealing with people is indeed sophisticated and tactful, and he has always been kind, considerate, warm and kind to Katie.No one would have guessed that their relationship was more than just acquaintances.But one afternoon she was lying on the sofa reading a book when he came from the corridor and stopped. "What are you reading?" he asked. "Book." She looked at him sarcastically.He smiled. "Dorothy went to the Governor's House for a garden party." "I know. Why didn't you come with me?" "I don't really want to go, I want to come back to be with you. The car is outside, don't you want to drive around the island?" "no thanks." He sat on the corner of the sofa where she lay. "We haven't had a chance to speak alone since you got here." Her cold gaze looked haughtily straight into his eyes. "Do you think there is anything we can talk about?" "A lot." She moved her foot to avoid touching his body. "Are you still mad at me?" He asked with a smile, his eyes very soft. "Not at all," she laughed. "I don't think you'd laugh if you weren't really mad at me." "You are wrong. I despise you too much to be angry." He remained unhurried. "I think you're being too hard on me. Think about the past and be honest, am I doing something wrong?" "That depends on your standpoint." "Now that you know Dorothy too, you have to admit she's a nice person, aren't you?" "Of course. I am very grateful for her kindness to me." "She's one in a million. If we're separated, I won't have a moment of peace. A divorce would be an ugly crime against her. Plus I'll have to think about my children. create psychological deficits." She stared at him intently for a full minute.She felt like she had complete control over the situation. "I have been watching you carefully for a week since I came here. Now I have come to the conclusion that it is evident that you really like Dorothy. I thought you would not at all." "I told you I liked her. I would never do anything to upset her. She's the best wife a man can have." "Don't you think you have been unfaithful to her?" "As long as she doesn't know, out of sight and out of mind." He replied with a smile. She shrugged. "You are despicable." "I'm human too, and I don't understand why you should dislike me just because I'm deeply in love with you. It's never what I want, you know." "It's fair game," she said wryly. "I actually never thought we'd get to this point." "At any time, you have a shrewd idea that no matter who suffers, it must not be you." "I think you're exaggerating. Anyway, now that it's over, you've got to see that I'm doing it for both of us. You're not sober, and you should be glad I'm sober. If I'd done what you wanted Do you think you will be satisfied? We were ants on a hot pot, but we could have almost fallen into the brazier and ended up worse. You are actually unharmed, why can't we How about kissing each other and becoming friends again?" She almost laughed out loud. "You almost made me forget that you ruthlessly pushed me into the grave." "Well, that's nonsense! I told you that as long as you take the necessary precautions, you'll be fine. Do you think I'd let you go if I wasn't sure of that?" "You're sure because you want to. You're no different than a coward. You think what works for you." "But facts speak louder than words. You're back, and if you don't mind what I say, you'll come back more handsome than ever." "What about Walter?" He smiled, and couldn't help saying a punchline that came from a sudden inspiration: "Black clothes really suit you better." She stared at him for a while.Tears welled up in her eyes and she began to cry, her beautiful face contorted with grief.She didn't intend to hide it, she spread her hands by her side and leaned against the back of the sofa. "For God's sake, don't cry. I didn't mean anything, it was just a joke. You know my sympathy for your bereavement." "Ugh, shut that stupid mouth of yours!" "I would stop at nothing to have Walter back." "He died because of you and me." He took her hand, but she broke free. "Get away from me, please," she sobbed, "that's the only thing you can do for me now. I hate you, despise you. Walter is ten times better than you. What a fool I was to find out so late." One point. Get out of here, out of here." Seeing that he was going to continue talking, she jumped up from the sofa and went back to her room.He follows her.Instinctively cautious, she drew the shutters as soon as she entered.The room was suddenly dark. "I can't just go like this," he said, putting his arms around her. "You know I didn't mean to hurt you." "Don't touch me. For God's sake go, get out of here." She tried to break free from his arms, but his arms held her tightly.She cried frantically. "My dear, don't you know that I have always loved you?" he said in a deep and charming voice, "I love you more than ever." "The devil will believe your lies! Let me go. Damn it, let me go." "Don't be so mean to me, Katie. I know I've been rude to you, but please forgive me." She was shaking and sobbing, trying to push him away.But his strong arms gradually gave her an inexplicable soothing feeling.She had longed for those arms to hold her one more time, and she would tremble just once.She was so weak, she felt that her bones were about to melt, and the grief for Walter just now turned into pity for herself. "Ugh, how could you do that to me?" she sobbed. "Don't you know that I love you with all my heart? No one loves you more than me." "Dear." He tries to kiss her. "No, no," she cried. He brought his face close to hers, and she turned away.He came to kiss her lips again.She couldn't hear what sweet words he was saying.With his arms tightly around her, she felt like a lost child now safely home at last.She moaned softly, closed her eyes, and her face was stained with tears.He finally found her lips, and when his lips touched her, she felt a power pass through her body, as brilliant and intense as the light of God.It was an illusion, she seemed to have turned into a bunch of burnt torches, and the whole body was radiant, as if she had ascended and transformed into an illusion.In her dreams, in her dreams she had experienced such feelings.What is he going to do with her now?she does not know.She is no longer a woman, her spirit has melted away, leaving only swollen desire in her body.He picked her up, she was so light in his arms.He walked towards the bed with her in his arms, and she nestled against his chest desperately and meekly.Her head sank into the pillow, and his lips pressed against her.