Chapter 6 Chapter Six

The various stages of the journey will not be described in detail.Some stages leave only vague memories.My health went up and down, and I staggered when I encountered the cold wind, and I felt uneasy when I saw the shadow of a cloud. This fragile state often leads to restlessness.However, at least my lungs are getting better, and each recurrence is milder and lasts for a shorter period of time.Although the momentum of the illness is still so violent, my body's resistance has increased. We traveled from Tunisia to Malta, then to Syracuse, and finally returned to the ancient land whose language and history I knew well.Since my illness, my days have been free from censorship and law, and like a livestock or a young child, my mind has been entirely devoted to living.Now that the pain has eased, my life has become definite and conscious again.After a long illness, I thought I was back in shape again and would soon connect the present with the past.However, in the novel surroundings of a foreign country, I can imagine this, but here I can't; everything here shows me something that surprises me: I have changed.

In Syracuse and on my subsequent journeys, I wanted to go back to my studies, to devote myself to archaeology as before, but I found that for some reason my interest in this field, if not lost, at least changed; It's the sense of the present.The history of the past now seems to me to resemble the stillness, the ghastly freeze, the deathly stillness of the shadows of the night in the little courtyard of Biskra.In the past, I even liked that stereotype, because my thoughts can also be clear; in my eyes, all historical facts are like collections in a museum, or to use a better metaphor, like the collection of herbarium leaves. Plants: That utter dryness helps me forget that they were once sap-filled and lived in the sun.Now, when I play with history, I always associate it with the present.Great political events excite me far less than poets or certain men of action revive in me.In Syracuse I read the idylls of Theocritus again, and thought that his shepherds, with their sweet names, were the shepherd boys I had loved in Biskra.

① Theocritus (about 310 BC - 245 BC), the ancient Greek poet, the creator of pastoral poetry. Gradually my profound knowledge awakened, and it also began to hinder me and spoil my enjoyment.Every time I visit an ancient Greek theater or ancient temple, I will re-conceive it in my mind.Every joyous festival of antiquity Leaves in its place In ruins, Makes me weep for lost joy; And I abhor any death. Later, I went so far as to avoid the ruins, and no longer liked the most magnificent buildings of antiquity, but loved the low orchards called "dungeons" and the banks of the Cuana River; you know, the lemons in the orchards are as sweet as oranges; The papyrus is as blue as the day it wept for Proserpina.

① Proserpine, the queen of the underworld in Roman mythology, is also the goddess of fertility, the same as Persephone in Greek mythology. Later, I went so far as to despise the full body of scriptures that I was proud of at the beginning; the academic research that I regarded as my whole life at the time, now seems to have only a very accidental relationship with me.I found myself different: how happy I was to have a life outside of academic research!I feel that as a scholar, I appear pedantic.As a human being, can I know myself?I have only just been born, and it is difficult to predict what I will become, and that is what should be understood.

In the eyes of those who have been swept by the wings of death, the important things lose their importance, and other unimportant things become important. In other words, they didn't even know what life was in the past.The covering layer of knowledge accumulated on our spirit is cracked like a smear of makeup, and some places reveal fresh flesh, revealing the real person inside. The one I set out to discover from then on was the real man, the "old man," the one whom the Gospel rejected, and everything around me: books, teachers, parents, and even myself at first tried to cancel people.In my opinion, because the coating is too thick, he has become more complicated and difficult to find, so it is more valuable and more necessary to find.From then on I despise educated dress and educated second place people.Had to shake off the coating on him.

I have been like a lost page, and I have tasted the joy of the scholar who recognizes the authenticity of discovering, beneath the late additions to a manuscript, the far more precious original.What is this Yiwen?If you want to read it, don't you first have to erase the later articles? Therefore, I am no longer a weak and hardworking person, and I no longer stick to the previous rigid and narrow concepts.This in itself is not only a matter of recovery, but also the enrichment and re-progression of life, a more abundant and boiling blood; this blood flow will infiltrate my thoughts, one by one, to penetrate everything, to stimulate my whole body The most ancient, keen and secret nerves, and adorn them.Because, whether strong or weak, people always have to adapt, and the body is organized according to its own strength; I hope that the strength will increase and provide greater possibilities, then... I did not have such thoughts at the time; the description here is inevitably out of shape .To be honest, I don't think at all, I don't reflect on myself at all, I am only guided by a kind of nature; I am afraid that looking too greedy will disturb my slow and mysterious transformation.The hidden character must be allowed to reappear calmly, and should not be cultivated artificially.Letting go of my mind, not giving up, but at leisure, I am lost in myself, in things, in all that I find sacred.We had left Syracuse, and I was running on the rough road from Taolmina to Mount Morer, crying out, as if calling to him in me: a new birth!A freshman!

①A town on the east coast of Sicily, Italy. At that time, the only thing I tried to insist on was to reprimand or eliminate all the manifestations that I thought were related to my early education and early concepts one by one.Out of contempt for my learning, and contempt for my scholarly taste, I refused to visit Agrigento; and a few days later I followed the road to Naples without stopping to see Look at the majestic temple of Postum; however, two years later, I went there again to pray to some god. How can I say the only effort?If I can't renew myself, can it interest me?The picture is new and unknown, only a vague imagination, but I am leisurely fascinated, the desire has never been so strong, and I am determined to make my body strong and tanned.We leave the coast near Salerno and arrive at Ravello.The air there is more refreshing, the rocks are various and beautiful, the valleys are deep and unpredictable, and the scenic spots are conducive to travel, so I feel light in my body and forget to return.

Ravello is far away from the flat coast of Postum. It is located on the rocks, farther from the coast and closer to the blue sky.During the Norman rule, it was a castle of considerable importance, but now it is only a long and narrow village; when we went, we were probably the only foreign tourists.The hotel where we stayed was once a church building; it is located on a rocky cliff, and the terrace and garden seem to hang from the blue sky.At first glance, except for the wall covered with vines, you can only see the sea; when you get closer to the wall, you can see the garden fields that go straight down; what connects Ravello and the coast is not mainly a path, but a terraced field.Above Ravello, the mountain continued to uproot.The air on the mountain is cool, and there are large areas of chestnut trees and northern grasses; the middle area is olive trees, thick gladiator trees, and cyclamen under the shade of the trees; the lower land near the sea is dotted with lemon groves.These orchards are organized into small terraced fields, undulating according to the slope, almost identical, with paths connecting each other.People can sneak in like thieves.Under the green shade, the mind can travel far; the leaf curtain is thick and heavy, not a single ray of sunlight shines down; numerous lemons hang down, like big wax pills, fragrant everywhere, turning blue and white under the shade of the tree; Thirsty, you can pick it with your hand; the fruit is sweet and slightly astringent, very refreshing.

The shade of the trees was too thick, and I sweated from below, and I didn't dare to stop; however, I went up the stairs, and I didn't feel very tired. I also wanted to exercise myself, and climbed up with my mouth closed, walking farther and farther at a time , there is still room to spare.When I finally reached the goal, my competitive spirit was rewarded; I sweated a lot and for a long time, and I just felt the air rushing into my chest more smoothly.I take care of my body with the previous diligent attitude, and it has paid off. I am often amazed at how quickly my body recovers, and I think I exaggerated the severity of my illness, and suspect that my illness is not so serious, so I laugh at myself and cough up blood, and even regret that the illness is not more difficult to treat.

At first I didn't understand the needs of my body, so I dealt with it randomly. Later, after patient observation, I finally found a set of subtle ways in terms of prudence and recuperation, and I persisted in it, enjoying it like a game.What bothered me most was my morbid sensitivity to changes in temperature.Having recovered from the tuberculosis, I ascribed the allergies to nervous frailty, to the sequelae.I am determined to beat it.I saw a few peasant grandparents working in the fields with bare arms, and saw their beautiful skin as if they had absorbed enough sunlight. I was envious and wanted to tan my own skin.One morning, I took off my body for observation, and saw that my arms and shoulders were surprisingly thin, and I couldn't turn my back even with all my strength. Especially my skin was pale, to be precise, bloodless. I couldn't help but feel ashamed and burst into tears.I hurriedly dressed and went out, but instead of going to Amalfi as usual, I headed straight for the rocks covered with short grass and moss;When I got there, I slowly took off my clothes.The wind is cool, but the sun is hot.My whole body was exposed to the flames.I sit down, lie down, turn over and feel the hard ground beneath me; the weeds brush me lightly.Even though I was sheltered from the wind, I still shivered every time I gasped for breath.However, after a short time, the whole body is warm and harmonious, and the feeling of the whole body rushes to the skin.

We stayed at Ravello for half a month; every morning I went out to bask in the sun on those rocks.I still covered myself with thick clothes, but soon they felt bothersome and unnecessary; my skin became more elastic, I stopped sweating all the time, and could adjust the temperature automatically. One morning in the last few days (it was mid-April), I took another bold step.There is a stream of clear spring among the mountains and mountains I mentioned, and when it flows there, it just forms a small waterfall. Although the water is not strong, it rushes into a small pool below, accumulating a pool of clear water.I went three times, leaning over and lying by the water's edge, my heart filled with longing.I stared at the smooth stone bottom for a long time, it was spotless and mustard-like, only the sunlight shone through, shimmering and colorful.When I went there on the fourth day, I had already made up my mind and walked close to the extremely clear spring water. Without thinking about it, I jumped in and submerged my whole body in the water.I soon felt so cold that I came out of the water and lay down on the grass to bask in the sun.Mint grows here and is fragrant.I pinched some, rubbed the leaves, and rubbed them on my wet and hot body.I looked at myself for a long time, and I was overjoyed, and I no longer had the slightest shame.My body is well-proportioned, sexy, and good-looking, not muscular but will be.