Chapter 7 Chapter VII

It can be seen from this that all my actions and all my work is to exercise my body; although this contains my changed concept, in my eyes it has become only a kind of training and a means, which can no longer satisfy me. up. There is one more action which may seem ridiculous to you, but which I will bring up again, because it will show how childishly deliberate I have been to show outwardly the evolution, the urgency, within me: Amalfi, I shaved off my beard. Before that, I had grown all my beard and cut my hair very short, and it never occurred to me that I might as well switch to a different hairstyle.The day I stripped naked on the rock for the first time, my beard suddenly felt in the way, as if it were the last piece of clothing I couldn't take off.Note that my beard is not tapered, but square, and neatly combed; it looks fake to me, and looks both ridiculous and terribly repulsive.Back in the hotel room, looking in the mirror, I still hate it, that's how I always look: graduate of the Faculty of Literature, after lunch, go to Amalfi immediately, I've made up my mind.The town is small, and there is only one popular barbershop in the square, so I had to make do with it.It was market day, and the barber shop was packed with people, and had to wait forever; however, whether it was the suspicious razor, the yellowing soap brush, the smell in the shop, or the barber's obscenities , nothing can make me retreat.Feeling the scissors go down and the beard falling down one after another, it's like taking off a mask.When I reappeared, the nervousness I tried to restrain was not joy, but fear, so what the hell!I just assume and don't blame the feeling.I think I look pretty, so what I'm afraid of is not this, but the feeling that someone has penetrated my thoughts, but I suddenly feel that this kind of thinking is extremely frightening.

The beard was shaved off, and the hair grew back. This is my new form, I have nothing to do for the time being, but I will do something in the future.I believe that this form will do amazing things for myself, but it will take time, and I want to see the future when it is more mature.In this way, Marceline will misunderstand.It is true that the change in my eyes, especially the new appearance I had seen the day I shaved, probably disturbed her; but she loved me too much to look at me carefully; besides, I tried to reassure her.The key is not to let her disturb my regeneration, in order to cover her eyes and ears, I had to pretend.

Obviously, the person Marceline married and loved was not my "new form".I kept this in mind so that I could always be vigilant and conceal it, giving her only an appearance; and this appearance became more and more false in order to appear consistent and faithful. My relationship with Marceline remained the same for the time being, although our love affair grew stronger and stronger.My disguising itself (if I may say so to prevent her from judging the conduct of my mind), my disguising also multiplies the passion.I mean it's a passion that makes me look after Maceline a lot.Forced to fake, I may be a little embarrassed at the beginning.However, it soon became clear to me that the admittedly meanest things (to cite lying in this case) are hard to do only for those who have never done them; It's easy and fun, giving the sweetness of being dry again, and it doesn't take long for it to seem logical.As with anything that overcomes initial disgust, I finally tasted the sweetness of concealment, and enjoyed it, as if exercising my unknown powers.I am moving toward sweeter happiness every day in a richer and more fulfilling life.