Chapter 24 Chapter 24

It was enough for her, but not enough.I know I have power over this woman, and I have basely abused that power. Now that I think about her death, I ask myself if God will forgive me for the pain I caused her. There is a lot of excitement during supper, and gambling starts after supper. I sat next to Olimp, and I bet so boldly that I could not fail to attract her attention.In a few moments I won a hundred or two louis, which I spread out before me, and she watched greedily. I was the only one not paying full attention to the gamble, but watching her.I've been winning all night, and I bet her money, because she's lost all the money in front of her, and probably all the money in her family.

At five o'clock in the morning everyone said goodbye. I won three hundred louis. All the gamblers had gone downstairs, and no one noticed that I was the only one left behind, because none of the guests was my friend. Olymp himself was lighting the stairs, and when I was going down with everyone else, I turned to her and said: "I want to talk to you." "Tomorrow," she said. "No, now." "What do you want to talk to me about?" "You'll know." I went back into the room again. "You lost," I told her. "yes."

"You have lost all the money in the family." She hesitated without answering. "Let's be honest." "Well, that's true." "I have won three hundred louis, all here, if you will let me stay." At the same time I threw the gold coins on the table. "Why do you make such a request?" "My God! Because I love you." "That's not true, because you loved Marguerite and you wanted to take revenge on her by being my lover. A woman like me cannot be deceived. It's a pity that I'm too young and too pretty to accept you." The role I was asked to play was inappropriate."

"So you refused?" "yes." "Would you rather love me for nothing? I would not accept it. You think, dear Olymp, I could have sent someone with my offer to send me the three hundred louis, so that You might accept it. But I'd like to have you in person. Take it, whatever my reasons for doing it; you say you're pretty, so it's no wonder I'm in love with you." Marguerite was a whore like Olymp, but I never dared to say to her the first time I saw her what I just said to this woman.It shows that I love Margaret, it shows that I feel in Margaret that there is something missing in this woman.Even when I was talking to her about the deal, I hated the woman I was doing business with despite her beauty.

Of course, she finally accepted.I was already her lover when I came out of her house at noon.For the six thousand francs I gave her, she thought it necessary to have a nice talk and make out with me; but as soon as I left her bed, I forgot all this. However, there were also people who lost their fortunes because of her. From that day on, I abused Margaret every moment.Olymp and her no longer saw each other, and you can imagine why.I sent my new mistress a carriage and some jewelry.I bet I ended up doing all kinds of nonsense like a man in love with a woman like Olymp, and word spread quickly that I had a new love.

Prudence was also taken in, and at last she also believed that I had completely forgotten Marguerite.As far as Margaret was concerned, either she had already guessed my motives, or she was as deceived as anyone else.She handles the insults I throw at her every day with high self-esteem.But she looked miserable, for wherever I met her I saw her paler and sadder each time.My love for her was so strong that it turned into hatred, and it was comforting to see her suffer like this every day.Several times during my mean and cruel torments, Marguerite looked at me with such pleading eyes that I blushed at the part I was playing, and I almost begged her to forgive me.

But the guilt was fleeting, and Olymp finally put all her pride aside, knowing that by torturing Marguerite she could get everything she wanted from me.She constantly set me against Marguerite, abused Marguerite at every opportunity, like a woman with a man behind her, and her methods were always very base. In the end Marguerite had to stop going to balls and the theater, where she was afraid of meeting Olymp and me.At this time, writing anonymous letters has replaced face-to-face provocations. As long as there are shameful things, they will be blamed on Margaret; let my mistress spread it, and I will spread it myself.

Only a lunatic would do such things, and I was in high spirits then, like a drunk on a bad drink, and probably had a crime in my hand and didn't know it in my head.When it comes to all these things, my heart is very painful.In the face of my provocations, Marguerite's attitude was serene but not contemptuous, dignified but not contemptuous, which made me feel that she was nobler than me, and made me even more angry with her. One night, Olymp met Marguerite somewhere, and this time Margaret didn't let the stupid girl who insulted her go, until Olymp had to give in.Olimp came back in a rage, and Marguerite was carried back in a coma.

When Olymp came back, she told me what had just happened. She told me that Marguerite wanted to take revenge when she saw that she was alone, because she had become my mistress.Olymp asked me to write and tell her that she should respect the woman I love from now on, whether I am present or not. Needless to say, I agreed to do so.I wrote all the sarcasm, humiliation, and cruelty I could find in this letter, which I sent to her home the same day. The blow was too severe, and the unfortunate woman could bear it no longer in silence. I guess I'll get a reply.So I decided not to go out all day.

A bell was rung about two o'clock, and I saw Prudence enter. I tried to put on a nonchalant look and asked her why she came to see me.Madame Duvernoy, who did not smile at all that day, said to me in a serious and excited voice that since my return to Paris, that is to say, for almost three weeks, I have not let go of a single opportunity. Tortured Margaret so that she fell ill.The turmoil of last night and my letter this morning put her in bed. In short, Marguerite did not reproach me, but entreated me to beg for mercy, saying that she could no longer bear, mentally or physically, what I had done to her.

"Mademoiselle Gautier has driven me out of her house," I said to Prudence, "that is her right, but she is going to insult a woman I love, on the pretext that she is my mistress, I absolutely cannot agree to this.” "My friend," said Prudence to me, "you are under the influence of a girl who has neither brains nor heart; you love her, it is true, but this cannot be used to bully a defenseless A woman's reason." "Let Mademoiselle Gautier send me her Comte de N, and I'll let it go." "You know very well that she will not do that. So, my dear Armand, please make her quiet. If you see her, you will be ashamed of the way you have treated her. She is pale, she coughs, Her days are numbered." Prudence held out her hand to me, and added: "Come and see her, she will be very happy if you come and see her." "I don't want to meet Mr. N." "Mr. N will never be in her house, she can't stand him." "If Marguerite must see me, she knows where I live, let her come, I will never go to the Rue d'Antin again." "Then will you treat her well?" "It must be well received." "Well, I'm sure she'll come." "Let her come." "Are you going out today?" "I've been home all night." "I'll go and tell her." Prudence went away. I didn't even write to Olymp, telling her I wasn't going to her, that I was free with the girl.Rarely once a week did I spend a night with her.I'm sure she'll find comfort from any actor in any theater in the high street. I went out for a while at dinner and came back almost immediately.I ordered all the stoves to be lighted, and sent Joseph away. I can't tell you what I thought during the hour of waiting, I was too excited.When I heard the doorbell around nine o'clock, I was so distraught that I had to hold on to the wall to keep from falling when I went to open the door. Fortunately, the light in the reception room was dim, so it was not easy to see my ugly face. Margaret came in. She was dressed in black and covered with a veil so that I could hardly recognize her face under the veil. She went into the living room and lifted the veil. Her face was pale as marble. "I am coming, Armand," she said, "and I will come if you wish." Then, she lowered her head, covered her face with her hands and began to cry bitterly. I walk up to her. "What's the matter with you?" I said to her, my voice changing. She held my hand tightly and didn't answer me because she was sobbing.After a while, she calmed down a bit and said to me: "You have done me so much, Armand, and I have nothing to do to you." "Is there nothing sorry for me?" I argued with a wry smile. "I did nothing but what circumstances forced me to do." What I felt in my heart when I saw Margaret, I don't know if you have felt it in your life, or if you will feel it in the future. The last time she came to my house, she sat where she had just sat.It's just that since then, she has become someone else's mistress; her lips were not kissed by me, but by someone else, but I still couldn't help putting my lips together.I think I still love this woman as much as before, perhaps even more passionately than before. But it was hard for me to say why I had called her here, and Marguerite probably understood me, for she went on to say: "I have interrupted you, Armand, because I have come to ask you two things: forgive me for what I said to Mademoiselle Olymp yesterday; and stop doing what you may still do to me, and forgive me. Whether you are Not on purpose, since you came back, you have given me so much pain that I can't bear it, not even a quarter of what I suffered this morning! You will have pity on me, yes No? And you understand that a good-hearted man like you has many nobler things to do than take revenge on a sick woman like me. You touch my hand, I'm feverish , I left the bed not to ask you for friendship, but to ask you to stop thinking about me." I took Marguerite's hand, and it sure did burn, and the poor woman was shivering in her velvet coat. I pushed the armchair in which she was sitting against the fire. "Do you think I don't suffer?" I went on, "I waited for you in the country that night, and then I came to Paris to find you, where I found only the letter that nearly drove me mad. "How could you deceive me, Marguerite, how much I loved you!" "Don't talk about it, Armand, I didn't come to talk to you about it. I hope we don't meet as enemies, that's all. I want to shake hands with you again, you have someone you like , young and beautiful mistress, may you both be happy and forget about me." "And you, you must be happy?" "Does my face look like a happy woman? Armand, don't make fun of my pain. You know the cause and extent of my pain better than anyone else." "If you are as unfortunate as you say, it is up to you to change it." "No, my friend, my will is stronger than circumstances, and you seem to say that I obey my instinct as a whore. No, I obey a serious need, and for these reasons you will find out one day, you And forgive me for that." "Why didn't you tell me these reasons today?" "Because telling you these reasons is unlikely to bring us back together, and may alienate you from people you should not have alienated." "Who are these people?" "I can't tell you." "Then you are lying." Margaret got up and went to the door. When I mentally compare this haggard, weeping woman with the girl who laughed at me at the Comic Opera, I cannot look at her silence and pained expression without being moved. "You can't go," I said, blocking the door. "why?" "Because, in spite of what you have done to me, I have always loved you, and I want you to stay here." "To drive me away tomorrow, is it? No, it's impossible! The fate between us two is over, don't try to reunite; otherwise you may despise me, and now you just hate me." "No, Marguerite," I cried, feeling as if all my love and desire had been revived by meeting this woman, "no, I shall forget everything, and we shall be as we once were. so happy." Margaret shook her head doubtfully, and said: "Am I not your slave, your dog? Do as you please, take me, I belong to you." She took off her coat and hat and threw them all on the sofa, and suddenly she began to unbutton her dress blouse, and as a constant reaction of her disease the blood rushed from her heart to her head and made her Breathless. A hoarse dry cough followed. "Send for my coachman," she went on, "and drive back." I went downstairs myself and sent the coachman away. When I came back, Marguerite was lying in front of the fire, her teeth chattering from the cold. I held her in my arms and undressed her, she was motionless and cold, I carried her to the bed. So I sat next to her and tried to warm her with my caresses, and she didn't say a word to me, just smiled at me. oh!It was an amazing night, Marguerite's life was almost entirely devoted to the kisses she gave me.I loved her so much that in the height of my love I wondered if I should kill her so that she would never belong to anyone else. If a person's body and mind are in love like this for a month, there will be only a shell left. It was dawn and we both woke up. Margaret paled.She didn't say a word, and from time to time big teardrops rolled down from her eyes and onto her cheeks, shining like diamonds, her tired arms kept opening to embrace me, and then fell limply onto the bed. For a moment I thought I could forget all that had happened since I left Bougival, and I said to Marguerite: "Would you like to come with me? Let us leave Paris together." "No, no," she said, almost with fear, "we shall be very unhappy afterwards, and I shall no longer be at the service of your happiness, but as long as I have breath left, you may take me as you please, day or night. Hei Ye, whenever you need me, you come, I belong to you, but don't connect your future with mine, that way you will be very unfortunate, and it will also make me very unfortunate. "I'm a pretty girl for now, enjoy it, but don't ask me for anything else." After she was gone, I felt lonely and very scared.It's been two hours since she's gone, and I'm still sitting on the bed she's left, gazing at the pillow that still bears the folds of her head, and thinking, between my love and my jealousy, what will I do? become what. At five o'clock I went to the Rue d'Antin, and I did not know what I was going there for. It was Nanine who opened the door for me. "Madame cannot receive you," she said to me awkwardly. "why?" "Because Mr. Count N. is here, and he won't let me let anyone in." "Yeah," I stammered, "I forgot." I came home like a drunk, and you know what I did in that split second of jealousy?One moment is enough for me to do a shameful thing, you know what I did?I thought that this woman was laughing at me, and I imagined that she was talking to the count, repeating to him what she had said to me the night before, without disturbing them.So I took a five-hundred-franc note, wrote the following note, and sent it to her. You left in such a hurry this morning that I forgot to pay you.This is your overnight money. When the letter was delivered, I went out, as if trying to escape the pang of guilt that followed the despicable deed. I went to Olymp's, and I saw her trying on clothes, and when we were down to two, she sang me some dirty songs to cheer me up. This woman is a perfect example of a shameless, heartless, mindless whore, at least to me, because maybe some other man will share the dream with her that I had with Marguerite . She asked me for money, and I gave it to her, so I was able to go, and I went back to my own house. Margaret did not write back to me. I don't need to tell you how excited I was in the next day. At half-past six a messenger brought me a letter containing my letter and the five-hundred-franc note, but nothing else. "Who gave you this letter?" I said to the man. "A lady, who boarded the post-coach to Boulogne with her maid, and she told me to wait for the post-coach to leave the courtyard before delivering the letter to you." I ran to Margaret's house. "Madame left for England at six o'clock today," said the porter to me. Nothing can keep me in Paris anymore, neither hate nor love.I'm exhausted from all the onslaught.A friend of mine was going on a journey to the Orient, and I told my father that I should go with him; my father gave me some money orders and letters of introduction.Eight or nine days later, I embarked at Marseilles. In Alexandria I learned of the poor girl's condition from an embassy attache whom I had met several times at Marguerite's. So I wrote her a letter, and she wrote me a reply, which I received in Toulon, as you have seen. ①Alexander: An important port in Egypt. ② Toulon: a city on the Mediterranean coast of France. I will set off immediately and come back, and you will know the rest. Now you have only to read the diaries that Julius Duprat has given me, which are an indispensable supplement to the story I have just told you.