Chapter 23 Chapter 23

When everything in my life was back on track, I couldn't believe how different the new day would be for me from the old one.There were several times when I thought that something, which I no longer remember, had happened to prevent me from spending the night at Marguerite's, and that if I went back to Bougival, I would find her waiting for me as anxiously as I did, She would ask me who kept me and made her want to see it. When love has become a habit of life, it seems impossible to change that habit without compromising all other aspects of life. So I had to re-read Marguerite's letters often to reassure myself that I was not dreaming.

My body has almost collapsed from the mental stimulation.The anxieties in my heart, the travels at night, and the news I heard in the morning have exhausted me.My father took advantage of my extreme weakness to make me expressly agree to leave Paris with him. I agreed to all his demands, I don't have the strength to have an argument, after what I just encountered, I need a sincere feeling to help me live. I feel very blessed that my father was very willing to come and heal me from the kind of trauma I suffered. All I can remember is that, about five o'clock, he put me into a post-coach with him.He asked someone to prepare my luggage for me, bundled it with his luggage and put it in the back of the car, and took me away without saying a word to me.

I was at a loss.When the city disappeared behind, the loneliness of the journey brought back the emptiness in my heart. At this time my tears welled up again. My father knew that no words, not even his own, could comfort me, and he would not speak a word to me, but let me cry.Just shaking my hand sometimes seems to remind me that there is a friend by my side. I slept for a while at night, and in my dream I saw Margaret. I woke up suddenly, not knowing how I was sitting in the car. Then I thought about reality again, and my head sank to my chest. I dare not talk to my father. I am always afraid that he will tell me: "I don't believe in this woman's love. You see, I am right."

He didn't take it for granted. We came to City C, and he didn't mention anything to me on the way except to tell me something that had nothing to do with the reason why I left Paris. As I hugged and kissed my sister, I remembered what Margaret had said about her in her letter.But I understood at once that no matter how good my sister was, she couldn't make me forget my mistress. Hunting season was on and my dad thought it would be a good way to entertain me, so he organized a couple of hunts with some neighbors and friends, and I joined them.I had neither disapproval nor enthusiasm, but an air of indifference, and since I left Paris I have acted listlessly.

We hunted, and they told me to stay where I was, and I unloaded and put the shotgun beside me, lost in thought. I watch the clouds pass by and let my thoughts gallop across the lonely fields.Now and then I heard a hunter calling to me, pointing out to me a hare ten paces off. None of these details escaped my father, who was not deceived by my outward calm.He knew full well that no matter how much my heart had been shattered, it would one day have a terrible and possibly dangerous reaction, and while trying not to comfort me, he tried to amuse me. Of course my sister didn't know the secret, but she couldn't understand why I, who was always cheerful and cheerful, suddenly became so sad and preoccupied.

Sometimes when I was sad, I suddenly found my father looking at me worriedly. I reached out and shook his hand, as if silently asking him to forgive me for the pain I couldn't help him. A month passed like this, but I couldn't take it anymore. The image of Marguerite was always on my mind, a woman I loved and still loved so much that it was impossible to forget her all at once, I either loved her or hated her, especially But whether I love her or hate her, I must see her again, and see her at once. As soon as I had this idea in my heart, it took root firmly, and this tenacious will reappeared in my lifeless body for a long time.

It's not that I want to see Marguerite again in the future, in a month's time or in a week's time, but I'm going to see her the day after I think about it; To leave him, I have some business to attend to in Paris, but I shall be back soon. He must have guessed the reason why I was going to Paris, for he insisted on not letting me go; but seeing my anger at the time, the failure of this wish might have had disastrous consequences.He hugged and kissed me, almost in tears, asking me to come back to him as soon as possible. Before arriving in Paris, I hadn't slept at all. Paris is here, what am I going to do?I don't know, the first thing of course is to see how Marguerite is doing.

I went home and changed my clothes, because the weather was fine that day, and there was still time, and I went to the Champs Elysees. Half an hour later, I saw Marguerite's car approaching the Place de la Concorde from the Circus. Her horses had been redeemed, and the carriage was the same, but without her. As soon as I saw that she was not in the carriage, I glanced round and saw Marguerite coming on foot, accompanied by a woman I had never seen before. As she passed me, she paled and her lips twitched in a convulsive smile.As for me, my heart was beating violently against my chest, but I managed to maintain a calm face and bowed indifferently to my former mistress, who walked towards the carriage almost immediately, and Girlfriends sat up together.

I knew Marguerite, and this unexpected encounter must have terrified her.She must have known that I had left Paris, so she was relieved of what would happen if our relationship broke up.But when she saw me come back and meet face to face, my face was so pale. She must know that I came back this time with intentions, and she must be guessing what will happen in the future. If I had seen Marguerite not having a good time, if I could have given her some help to satisfy my vengeance, I might have forgiven her, and I would have never thought of doing her any more.But I saw that she was happy, at least outwardly, and that someone else had taken my place to provide for her the kind of luxury that I could no longer provide.The breach of our relationship was of her own making, and therefore of a vile character, and my pride and my love were insulted, and she must pay for my pain.

I cannot take this woman's actions lightly; and perhaps nothing hurts her more than my indifference; not only in her eyes but in the eyes of other people, I must pretend that nothing happened. I tried to put on a smile, and ran to Prudence's house. Her maid came in to announce my arrival, and asked me to wait a moment in the drawing room. Madame Duvernoy appeared at last, and took me into her little drawing-room; when I sat down, I heard only the opening of the door in the drawing-room, a slight sound of footsteps on the floor, and then the landing on the landing. The door slammed shut.

"Have I disturbed you?" I asked Prudence. "It's nothing. Margaret was here just now. As soon as she heard the announcement that you were coming, she ran away. She was the one who went out just now." "So she's afraid of me now?" "No, she is afraid that you will find her annoying when you see her." "Then why?" I was so nervous that I couldn't breathe.I tried to breathe naturally, and then said casually, "The poor girl left me to get back her car, her furniture, and her diamonds, and she was right, and I shouldn't blame her, today I've seen her." "Where is it?" said Prudence, looking at me as if trying to figure out if I was the same amorous seed she had known in the past. "She was with another very beautiful woman on the Champs-Elysées. Who was that woman?" "What does it look like?" "Curly blond hair, slender figure, blue eyes, very pretty." "Ah, this is Olymp, a very pretty girl indeed." "Does she have a master now?" "No master." "Where does she live?" "Rue Tronchet..., ah, that's it. Are you trying to trick her?" "No one knows what will happen in the future." "And what about Margaret?" "It would be a lie to say I didn't miss her at all. But I'm very particular about parting ways, and Margaret dismissed me so casually that it makes me feel like I was so attached to her in the past. So silly, because I used to love this girl very much." You can guess the tone of voice in which I said these words, beads of sweat formed on my brow. "She loves you very much, oh, she has always loved you. That is the proof that she came and told me as soon as she met you today. She came trembling as if she were sick." "Then what did she say to you?" "She said to me, 'He will definitely come to see you,' and she asked me to pass it on, please forgive her." "You can tell her that, I've forgiven her. She's a good whore, but no more than a whore; I should have expected her to treat me like this, and I'm even thanking her for it." Because I am still asking myself today what the consequences of my notion of being inseparable from her will be. I was absurd then." "She would be very glad to know that you felt as necessary as she did. My dear, she was leaving you at the right time. The bastard broker she once mentioned selling her furniture to has already Find her creditors, and ask them how much Margaret owes them; they are frightened, and are going to auction in two days." "So now, is it all paid off?" "Almost paid off." "Who paid for it?" "Count de N., ah! my dear! There are men who do that. In a word, he gave twenty thousand francs; but at last he got his way. He knew very well that Marguerite did not love him, and he But she did her no wrong. You have seen, he bought her horses, and her jewels, and gave her as much money as the duke gave her; if she would be quiet Live your life quietly, this person is not always in a hurry." "What is she doing? Has she been living in Paris?" "Since you left, she never wanted to go back to Bougival. I went there to pack all her things, and even yours. I put them in a small bag, and you can send someone to come later." Here to fetch it. All your things are in it, except a little wallet with your initials on it. Marguerite asked for it, took it away, and it is at her house now, if you must, I'm going to ask her to come back." "Let her keep it," I murmured, for I could not help feeling a pang at the thought of the village where I had been so happy, and that Marguerite must keep something of mine as a souvenir, Tears flowed straight out. If she had come in at this hour, I might have fallen on my knees at her feet. My resolve for vengeance may evaporate. "Besides," continued Prudence, "I never saw her in such a state as she is now. She scarcely sleeps any more, but goes about dancing, eating suppers, and sometimes getting drunk. Lately After a supper, she lay in bed for a week, and just after the doctor allowed her to get up, she desperately started this life again, do you want to go and see her?" "Why is it necessary? I came to see you, you, because you have always been very kind to me, and I have known you before Marguerite. It is because of you that I am her lover; that is, I'm not going to be her lover anymore because of you, isn't it?" "Oh, my God, I did everything possible to get her away from you, and I don't think you'll complain about me in the future." "Then I will be doubly grateful to you," I went on, rising, "because I hate this woman, and she takes what I say to her too seriously." "Are you leaving?" "yes." I've learned enough. "When will I see you again?" "See you soon, bye." "goodbye." Prudence followed me till the door, and I came home with tears of rage in my eyes, and a thirst for vengeance in my breast. So Marguerite was really like other girls; her true love for me was no match for her desire for the old life, her need for carriages and feasts. I can't sleep at night just thinking about it.If I could really be as calm as I pretended to be, and think about it calmly, I might see in Margaret's new fiery way of life that she hoped to get rid of a haunting thought and eliminate An indelible memory. Unfortunately that evil passion kept haunting me, and I was bent on finding some means of tormenting the poor woman. oh!How small and mean a man becomes when his narrow desires are wounded! The Olimp whom I had seen with Marguerite was, if not Marguerite's girlfriend, at least the person with whom she had been closest since her return to Paris.There was going to be a ball at Olimp, and I expected Marguerite to be there, so I managed to get an invitation. When I came to the ball with a painful heart, the ball was already quite lively.Everyone danced and even yelled.In a quadrille I saw Marguerite dancing with the Comte de N., who was very proud of himself for showing off such a partner, and seemed to say to everyone: "This woman is mine." I leaned against the fireplace, facing Marguerite, and I watched her dance.She was overwhelmed when she saw me, and I looked at her and greeted her casually with my hands and eyes. When I thought that it was not me but this rich fool who was going to go with her after the ball; and when I thought of what might happen when they got back to her house, the blood came to my face, I want to destroy their love. The hostess's beautiful shoulders and half-naked charming breasts were displayed in front of all the guests. After the quadruple dance, I walked over to greet her. The girl was very beautiful, even more beautiful than Marguerite in terms of figure.I understood this all the more from the looks Marguerite gave her when I was talking to Olimp.A man could be as proud as M. N. in being the lover of this woman, and her beauty was sufficient to arouse the same passions that Marguerite had aroused in me. She has no lover at this time.It is not difficult to be her lover, as long as you have money to show off and attract her attention. I made up my mind to make this woman my mistress. As I danced with Olimp, I began to play the role of suitor. Half an hour later, Marguerite, pale as death, put on her fur coat and left the ball.