Chapter 62 1. How to behave?

"It's a new year, what are your thoughts?" On New Year's Day in 1955, the director asked me this question. I said that the only thing I could do was deal with the crime and wait for it to be dealt with.The director couldn't stop shaking his head when he heard this, and said disapprovingly: "Why be so negative? We should actively reform and strive to be a new man!" At the end of 1954, when I was signing the final document brought by the prosecutors, I also heard the words: "Work hard to reform and strive to become a new man." These words reassured me, but did not fundamentally change my pessimistic attitude.I fell into a deep inferiority complex, and my worries about sentencing were secondary in comparison.

One day, while resting in the yard, a news reporter came and took pictures on the court with a camera. After the "report and confession" was over, the management office resumed the previous method, instead of taking turns in groups, everyone rested at the same time, and it took half an hour longer than before.The yard is very lively, there are people playing volleyball, table tennis, chatting, singing, etc., all of which were captured by the reporter.He held the camera in his hand and looked east and west, and then the camera came to me.A former member of Manchukuo watching the game with me noticed the reporter's attempt, turned around and walked away suddenly, and said, "I don't want to take pictures with him!" Then, others also walked away.

In March, some senior PLA generals came to Fushun to inspect the War Criminals Management Office under the jurisdiction of the Shenyang Military Region.The director called Pu Jie and me.When I saw the golden epaulettes all over the room, I thought it was a court-martial, but then I realized that it was the generals who wanted to hear about my studies.The generals were very kind and seemed very interested in what they heard, and they asked me about my childhood and my life during the Puppet Manchukuo period.In the end, a bearded chief said: "Study hard and reform, you will be able to see the real situation of socialist construction in the future!" On the way back, I remembered that the person who spoke seemed to be a marshal, and Pu Jie told me, Among them, there may be more than one marshal.I was filled with emotion. I used to regard the Communists as the most intolerant of me. In fact, everyone from the watchman to the marshal regarded me as a human being. I'm not even human anymore.

Back in the house, I told my companions what the marshal had said.Lao Yuan, who was the ambassador of the Puppet Manchukuo to Japan, had the fastest brain. He said, "Congratulations, Lao Pu! The Marshal said that you can see socialism, which shows that you are insured!" When others heard this, they all became active, because the number one traitor like me was safe, so they were naturally more safe. After reporting and pleading guilty, many people felt a knot in their hearts and felt uneasy about their future.Lao Xian hadn't smiled since he made the report and pleaded guilty, and now he grinned, patted my shoulder affectionately and said, "Congratulations, Lao Pu!"

After the denunciation and plea was over, not only were conversations not prohibited during rest in the courtyard, but the cell was not locked during the day, and occasionally someone would visit the door, so the good news quickly spread to other groups, and everyone in the cell knew about it.When it was break time, there were still people talking in the yard.At this time, I thought of my nephews and Da Li, who have always refused to answer me since they reported and pleaded guilty. This news will definitely make them happy, so I can use this topic to talk to them.I heard Xiao Gu singing—this most active young man has learned a lot of songs from the watchmen and guards, and now he is singing the song "The Second Little Cowherd".I followed the sound and found him and Xiaoxiu beside a big tree in the corner of the playground.But before I came to them, they had already left the place.

In April, the school asked us to elect a school committee in the same way as the seven Japanese war criminal schools.The Academic Committee is an organization in which prisoners manage their own study and life under the guidance of the prison.The problems that arise in study and life, the situation of study seminars and life review meetings, it is responsible to collect and report to the institute, and to put forward its views and opinions.The academic committee has five members, who are elected and approved by the institute.In addition to one chairperson, the four committee members are in charge of study, life, sports and entertainment.The study group leader and life group leader of each group contacts its study committee members and life committee members once a day to report the situation.The establishment of this organization made the prisoners feel very excited, and felt that it was a proof of the confidence of the prison in our reformation. Some people realized that thought reformation is their own business from this.Later, it turned out that this organization was of great significance to our transformation.But during the period when it was first established, my mood was different from others.Among the five committee members, two belong to my family, and they were the ones who treated me the most mercilessly and made me feel ashamed when I reported them: one is Lao Wan, who is the chairman; life committee.

Not long after the establishment of the academic committee, a resolution was passed to build a sports field.The playground we used was repaired by Japanese war criminals. Now we have to level up a place and make it our playground.Life committee member Xiaorui was in charge of organizing this labor.The first time I went to work, I was publicly reprimanded by him.When standing in line for roll call, I forgot what trivial matter it was, and I procrastinated as usual, lagging behind others.I was buttoning up my clothes and running towards the team when I suddenly heard a shout: "Pu Yi!"

"Here we come!" I agreed, and ran to the end of the row to get off. "Every time you gather, you are always late, so many people are only waiting for you, and you are not conscious at all!" He scolded me loudly with a straight face, "Look at you, you are sloppy! What is the button? deducted?" I looked down, and it turned out that the buttons were buttoned wrongly.At this time, the whole team turned their heads to look at me, and my fingers trembled so badly that I couldn't even feel the buttons. I even worried that if the records of the life review meeting were in their hands, some more unfavorable comments would be added to me.At this time, the life review meetings in our group were rarely the same as before, where they were either arguing or complimenting each other, and they were more able to have something to say, at least they took a more serious attitude than before.The reason is that some people got rid of their ideological burden, or gained some understanding of the transformation, so they became enthusiastic, and the other was that the scratchy speeches like the ones in the past couldn't pass the test when they came to the academic committee.The change I felt about the life review meeting at this time was that others had no scruples about my speech at all, especially because among the new partners in this group, one was Da Li who knew me best and became the leader of the life group. .When people criticize my shortcomings, once he introduces and analyzes them, he will be able to hit the nail on the head and reveal the root cause of the disease.With Da Li's analysis and introduction, plus the factual materials put forward by the people in the same group, and the comments of Lao Wan and Xiao Rui in the academic committee, do I still look like a person?

In the past, when I encountered external stimuli and felt very depressed, I sometimes blamed myself and regarded it as my own suffering; The government blames all parties.Now, although I also blame others, I blame myself more and more. I can't blame the Communist Party, the government, or the institute.During the period of reporting and pleading guilty, I read the reporting materials written by others, and I knew that everything I didn’t want people to know had been exposed, and the government knew everything they didn’t know before. I didn’t expect that I was such a person. If you don’t retaliate against me, you must also give up the idea of ​​reforming me.However, the procurator, the director and even the marshal still told me to learn, reform and be a new person, and this kind of meaning runs through the thoughts of every staff member and is reflected in every specific fact.

After the playground was completed, the academic committee decided to beautify our yard again, planting flowers and trees, clearing weeds, filling up potholes, and welcoming May Day.Everyone is happy to do it.At first I took part in the work of filling the big pit, but the guard Jiang said that my eyesight was bad and I was afraid that I would fall into the pit, so they changed my job to weeding.I was assigned to the edge of a flower bed, and after working for a while, the Mongolian old man walked up to me, and suddenly snatched the thing I had just pulled out from my hand, shouting loudly:

"What did you pull out? Huh?" "Didn't you tell me to pull the weeds?" "Is this grass? You really know how to pick, all you pull out are flower seedlings!" I became the focus of attention of people around me again.I squatted there, unable to raise my head.I really want those flowers and plants to disappear from the world. "You are such a waste!" Lao Zheng pointed at me with the flower seedlings I pulled out, and continued to yell. At this time, the watchman Jiang came over.He took the flower seedlings from Lao Zheng's hand, looked at them, and threw them on the ground. "What's the use of you scolding him?" He said to Lao Zheng, "You should help him and teach him how to pull it out, so that he won't make a mistake next time." "Unexpectedly, there are still people who can't recognize flowers and grass." The old man said awkwardly. "I didn't think of it before, so I don't need to say it. Now that I see it, I have to find a way to help." In the past, the three words "unexpected" in my mind were always connected with terrible conclusions: "Unexpectedly, Puyi is so stupid--he cannot be cured!" Puyi has so many people who hate him—it cannot be kept!" Now, what I hear after the three words "unexpected" is: "Now that I see it, I must find a way to help!" And it was heard more than once, not only from one person, and what was said was not only to help me. One day, my glasses broke again.After some hesitation, I finally had to ask Da Li. "Please help me," I said to him in a low voice, "I have done it myself a few times, but I can't do it well, and neither can anyone else. Please fix it." "You still ask me to serve you!" He stared and said, "Haven't I served you enough? Haven't you asked someone to serve you enough?" After all, he dodged me angrily and turned from one side of the table to the other. I stood there blankly, wishing I could hit the wall all at once. Not two minutes later, Da Li came back from the other side of the table, picked up my glasses angrily and said: "Okay, I'll fix it for you. But I have to explain that it's not for anything else, but to help you transform. If it wasn't for this, I wouldn't have the time!" Later, during my break, I went to the newly established small library to relax alone, and met Pu Jie there.I talked to him about how I had been so upset that I couldn't sleep at night because of the attitude of my family.He said, "Why don't you talk to the institute?" I said, "What are you talking about? People have had enough of my crimes, so they should hate me." Pu Jie said, "I heard that the institute also persuaded me to If you let them go, I should stop thinking about the old bad things and help you well." Only then did I understand why Da Li turned back from the table in a fit of anger. At that time, I divided the help into two categories: one was action-oriented, such as Da Li repairing my glasses, for example, after each time I unpacked and washed the bedding, others helped me sew it up——otherwise I would spend a day doing it, which affected the collective activities; the other category is verbal, and I put other people's criticisms of me in this category.The institute often says that it is necessary to exchange opinions and help each other through criticism and self-criticism.I rarely "help" people like this, and at this time I am very reluctant to accept "help" from others.In short, even though Da Li said that his purpose of repairing glasses was to help me reform, and even though the party said that criticism is one of the forms of mutual assistance in reforming my mind, I still don't see any relationship between any kind of help and my reforming my mind and re-behaving myself.Not only that, I think that repairing glasses and sewing quilts can only prove my incompetence, and in exchange for the contempt of others, my scars and hidden pains can only be revealed in criticism.It's okay if you don't help, but the more you help, the more you will be unbearable. Every time government officials talk about "becoming a human being", it is always connected with "reform thinking" and "renew one's mind", but I always think about "face", how my family and the society treat me, and whether they can tolerate me. .I even thought that even if the Communist Party and the people's government wanted to keep me in the world, they might not be able to pass in society; even if no one beat me, people would scold me and beat me up. Every time the personnel of the institute talk about thought remolding, they always point out that human behavior is dominated by certain thoughts, and the ideological root of criminal behavior must be found, and the root cause of criminal behavior must be found, and it will not be committed again.But I always think that I will never do the things I did in the past. If the people of New China allow me, I can guarantee that I will never do it again. I put the key issue of "being a human being" on this: how the other party treats me, not how I want to be. But the director said this: If the transformation is good, the people will be lenient.If the reform is not good, and if the reform is refused, the people will not agree.In fact, the problem lies with oneself. This fact caught my attention, or in other words, I began to know a little about how to behave, but it started from a small thing after I was troubled for many days.