Chapter 7 Section 6 Divorce and remarriage in different forms

Marriage voluntary, divorce freedom is not only the concept of modern people.In ethnic marriage customs, the attitude towards divorce and remarriage varies according to the degree of social development of each ethnic group and the status of men and women. This reflects a tortuous process from freedom to unfreedom to regaining freedom.Generally speaking, in ethnic groups that retain matrilineal traditions, men and women have equal rights to divorce and remarry.Even among peoples with established patriarchy, the situation is not the same.Or because women play an important role in childbirth; or because women can still rely on the protection of their natal relatives; or because feudal concepts in family relations are not very strong, women in some ethnic groups still have the right to divorce and remarry.However, in some ethnic groups with deep-rooted feudal concepts and patriarchal concepts, women are already at the bottom of society, and the right to divorce is only in the hands of men. Women obey their fathers at home, husbands when they marry, and sons when their husbands die. man.From this evolved various customs of divorce and remarriage.

(1) Divorce at will Taking care of the wife's divorce The Lahu people practice the practice of men marrying and women inheriting the family. Marriage is voluntary, and divorce is also free. In other words, they have more care for the woman, which is unique in the divorce customs of various ethnic groups.No matter which party of the family proposes a divorce, they must give the other party certain compensation.However, if the man initiates a divorce, he needs to pay two to three times more compensation than the woman.The children are raised by both parties separately, the boy belongs to the father, and the girl follows the mother.The head of the village or elders should preside over the divorce ceremony.Generally, a red thread is used, and the two hold one end each, and the host cuts it from the middle, and then pours a cup of tea on the ground, even if the divorce is announced.Both parties keep the half of the red line in their hands as a voucher (Figure 14).You can also use a wax strip, or a piece of wood, or a piece of bamboo, cut each half and hold it in half as proof.In some cases, the elderly in the whole village are invited to worship the gods and have meals under the sacred tree, and the expenses are borne by the divorcee.But in fact, Lahu people who marry through free love rarely get divorced.

Independent divorce without notarization The Mongolian people can break up if they don't get along with each other, and each find another bosom friend.If the man proposes a divorce, he will send his wife back to his natal family; if the woman proposes a divorce, part of the dowry will be returned, the dowry will be taken away, and the children will also go with her.Remarriage and remarriage, generally no ceremony will be held.Tibetans do not need any formalities for divorce, let alone witnesses, and they can live apart. In the future, men and women can marry as they like, and they have nothing to do with each other.And Tibetans regard remarriage as the first marriage.Divorce and remarriage, and remarriage with widows are not subject to interference.As long as both parties agree, the Moinba can divide the family property equally, the boy stays at the father's house, and the girl goes with the mother.

Simple Divorce If the husband and wife of the Dai nationality do not get along, the woman will bring her belongings back to her natal home, which will lead to divorce after a long time.Men who come to the door can also take their belongings and return to their parents' home to announce the breakdown of the marriage.But divorce requires a simple ceremony.The person who proposes divorce obtains the consent of the head of the village, and the two parties hand each other a pair of wax strips to count as a divorce; some cut a piece of white cloth from it, and each takes half.When one of the husband and wife dies, no matter how old the living is, a symbolic divorce procedure must be carried out: the living puts a pair of wax strips on the coffin of the deceased, which means that he is divorced from the deceased; On the coffin, cut by the old man.In this way, after parting from life and death, the living can marry by themselves.

The Blang nationality is a nation that marries voluntarily, divorces freely, and remarries freely.If the husband and wife do not get along and each takes away his own belongings, it is considered a divorce.Or a pair of wax strips given by the man to the woman, or a wax strip cut off by two people, can be used as a divorce certificate.Non-interference with each other thereafter.In Menghai County, Yunnan, no matter whether they live in the wife's house or in the husband's house, the husband and wife must prepare their own bedding.Once divorced, the party who moved in will return to his mother's house with his luggage.If you want to restore the relationship afterwards, according to the customs of the Blang people, if you live with your wife, the wife must take the initiative to pick up the husband; if you live with the husband, the husband must take the initiative to pick up the wife.If they don't pick it up, it means the marriage is no longer restored.What is interesting is that the divorced Blang men and women did not turn against each other. After the two parties re-established their families, they could still reciprocate courtesy, and would take the initiative to help the other party when he or she was in trouble. His or her new spouse took this place with equanimity.It shows that they are well-cultivated in handling marital relations.

Ewenki couples can get divorced if their relationship is not compatible, but they must report to their parents and the woman's parents can't get a divorce before mediation fails.The child belongs to the man, and the woman can take away her own property. (2) Compensation for divorce Many ethnic groups require compensation for losses or bride price to those who propose divorce, so as to limit the parties concerned to easily propose divorce.Naturally, it is mainly women who are subject to this constraint.But how to compensate, there are also differences among different ethnic groups.

Compensation for the Lisu and other ethnic groups is relatively fair to both parties.If the man proposes, the woman can not return the dowry, and sometimes the man will give the woman a little money, or even give the woman a cow to cover up the woman's embarrassment.If the woman proposes, the dowry must be doubled, and the man will be given a cow to hide his shame.For children, girls follow their mothers, and boys follow their fathers.When divorced, an intermediary should be asked to carve wood as evidence.A pig is slaughtered on the same day, and the carved woodcut is painted with pig blood by a middleman, and then both men and women swear to heaven.The number of the intermediary must be engraved on the woodcut, which will be kept by the intermediary. If any party repents or denies it, the woodcut will be presented as evidence.In the Nu nationality, which is similar to the Lisu nationality, women have to double the dowry when they file for divorce.When a man divorces his wife, he only needs to give his wife a cow to hide his shame.Widows are allowed to remarry, but all dowry gifts go to the ex-husband's family.If the Hani man proposes a divorce, he must give the woman a sum of living expenses and raise the children; if the woman takes the initiative, she must return the bride price and give the man some shame money.In order to fulfill the divorce procedures, the proposed party should hand over a certain amount of money to Zhaizi.But in terms of concept, boys are preferred to girls, and all divorced women are regarded as "unclean".If the village owner's daughter divorces, the village owner must resign, otherwise people will think that the whole village will be unlucky.

If the Miao man files for divorce first, different regions have different requirements.In the Huishui area of ​​Guizhou, one or two stones of rice should be given to the woman as compensation; in the northwest of Guizhou, seven cows, seven sheep, and seven buckets of grain should be given to compensate the woman for her losses.In addition to the compensation, a certain amount of living expenses is also given to the woman, which is called "replenishment".If the woman proposes, all the betrothal gifts will be refunded, and the northwestern Guizhou area will also give the man nine sets of flowered clothes as compensation.In the Dong nationality, the party making the request will pay back the engagement or marriage expenses, and the woman will also return all the betrothal gifts.If there are original items, the original items will be returned, and if there are no original items, they will be returned at a discount.Some pay a certain amount of money, and the two parties can dissolve the relationship between husband and wife.Oroqen divorce, if proposed by the man, the woman can take half of the family property;In the Li nationality, before a wife proposes a divorce, she must first find a man who is willing to marry her, and agree that he will replace her husband's dowry.The man proposes that it is enough to send his wife back to her natal family; some also give his wife a cow, which means "let her ride a bull to find a husband"; some even if the woman proposes first, because she has given birth to the man, she can not pay her husband the dowry .After divorce, the child usually stays at the husband's house. If breastfeeding is still needed, the wife takes it away first, and returns it after weaning.During this period, the man needs to give the woman a certain amount of child support.

The divorce compensation of the Bai, De'ang, and Dulong clans is obviously biased towards the man.If the husband proposes that since the bride price has already been paid, there is no need to give the woman any compensation, so the man can abandon his wife at will.But if the woman wants to divorce, she will not only refund all the bride price, but also compensate all the marriage expenses.The feudal society of the Bai people, which has been fully developed, not only has economic constraints on women, but also the concept of patriarchal power has seriously restricted women. In the end, even though they were tortured, few dared to take the initiative to ask for a divorce.

Wa and Lhoba are in the stage of patriarchal slavery, and women bought with money have the same status as slaves, and there is no equality in divorce.Wa couples can get divorced if their relationship is not good, but no matter who proposes a divorce, the dowry paid by the man at the time of marriage must be repaid by the woman's new husband, which is the woman's "worth".Whoever takes possession of this woman will pay the money.The Lhoba people regard the bought wife as the chattel of the husband. The wife has no right to ask for a divorce, and the husband will not let her go for nothing. If he does not want her, he will sell her to others.

(iii) repudiate divorce A common feature of this type of divorce is that the husband can divorce his wife at will, but the wife has no right to divorce.It can be divided into two types, one type of divorce requires a written divorce letter; There are few Manchu divorces, and most of them are proposed by men, who give their wives divorce papers as evidence.After divorce, the woman can get a little property, but none of the children can be taken away.Husbands of the Jing nationality can divorce their wives at will. If the wife returns the bride price and all the expenses spent on the marriage, the husband will write her a divorce letter, which is the right to receive the payment. After the divorce, he will be allowed to remarry.In Xibe, Tajik and Mulao ethnic groups, only men have the right to file for divorce.The divorced wife will still be condemned by public opinion, but she can still get the living expenses given by the man for a certain period of time, and she can also choose another mate without interference.It is very difficult for Tajik women to remarry if they are abandoned. The Hezhen nationality’s divorce book uses birch bark or leather, and the husband stamps a right hand print and a left foot print on it, which means that the husband slapped his wife with his right hand, kicked her out with his left foot, and divorced her back to her natal home.It fully exposed the humiliation and oppression of women by husbands.The Koreans believe that "a woman is not as good as a man's finger". When the husband and wife are not in harmony, the man can seek out women, or find a fault and divorce his wife; the wife must never be unfaithful to her husband, and has no right to file for divorce first. Hui people in Northwest China need to get a "call" from their husbands for divorce. As long as the husband says to give up three times, he can get rid of his wife, commonly known as "three rests".If a woman wants to leave, the man will not allow it, and she will never be able to leave for the rest of her life.That's why there is a popular proverb among the Hui people in Northwest China: "A man divorces with a piece of paper, but a woman dies forever after divorce." Salar women can only get divorced and have the right to remarry if they get their husband's "whistle"—I don't want you anymore.If there is no voice from the man, it will be useless to make trouble.Uighurs who believe that their husbands are their wives' "second gods", once the husbands say "let you go" or "Talaq", a divorce situation is formed, and the couple can no longer stay in the same home, but they can still remarry.If the husband utters three "Talaq", the wife must leave immediately, and remarriage will never be possible. (iv) Divorce is not allowed Affected by feudalism and religious consciousness, as well as the pressure of public opinion, the Kazakh and Tatar ethnic groups do not allow divorce. Once the two parties enter into a marriage, they can only stay together for life.Men of the Shui nationality do not divorce for the sake of face, but men can stop wives and remarry, while women have to stay alone until old age.This kind of unreasonable bullying by husbands is often resisted by some women-escaping marriage and remarrying.But once captured by the original husband, he will be beaten severely. The new husband is not as powerful as the original husband, and the house will be ransacked and even killed.Therefore, most women have to flee far away. The methods of divorce of various ethnic groups are generally classified into the above categories.The reasons for divorce are nothing more than the lack of affection between the husband and wife caused by arranged marriage; or the abuse of women;Of course, some small quarrels can also lead to divorce.It is not difficult to see that the rights to divorce are not equal between the sexes of most ethnic groups.This inequality is commensurate with women's low status in society and in the family.Since women lost their property rights, they became the property of their fathers and husbands, and thus lost their independent personality and the right to divorce. Regardless of the nationality, it is natural for a man to remarry after widowing his spouse, even if he has a wife, remarrying is not a problem.Because in the old society, polygamy was the privilege of the powerful and wealthy.Patriarchy makes remarriage difficult only for women.Some ethnic groups encourage women to observe festivals, while other ethnic groups have various restrictions on women's remarriage, such as the need to transfer houses in the man's clan, or must marry in a special way, etc., but some ethnic groups treat remarriage equally for men and women. (1) Encourage keeping festivals, and remarriage is also allowed Bai, Kazak, Daur and other ethnic groups all encourage widowed women with children to observe festivals.Even if the Bai people have no children, they can adopt a child from their husband's brother to be a widow.But there are also some husbands who see their daughter-in-law is too young and are afraid that she will not be able to keep it, so they persuade her to remarry. Some women who are bound by the feudal thought of "good women don't marry second husbands" even throw themselves into the river to hang themselves to show their loyalty.There is also a folk custom of "the first marriage follows the parents, and the second marriage is up to oneself". Widows have to choose a spouse for themselves, and after making a secret appointment, they get married by robbing the marriage.If the deceased husband is the only child and the daughter-in-law is capable, the parents-in-law often discuss with the daughter-in-law and use the method of "the daughter-in-law recruits the son-in-law" to solve the problem. (2) Remarriage with priority of house transfer Young Kazakh women who lose their husbands can remarry, but they must give priority to "transferring houses", that is, to choose a spouse from among the husband's close relatives, such as the husband's brothers, cousins, and even cousins.Since most of the new husbands who transfer houses are members of the family, it is a matter of etiquette to take charge of the housework, and the ex-husband's children will respect it.Public opinion does not support choosing a spouse outside the family or even outside the tribe.If you really want to marry out, the children cannot take away, let alone inherit the property of the ex-husband. The Hezhen people have no concept of "keeping festivals".After the wife "sends the soul" to her deceased husband, she can take off her filial piety, and there is no restriction on remarriage. The Hezhe people also have the custom of transferring houses.The younger brother can only marry his sister-in-law if the age difference between the two is not too big, otherwise the sister-in-law can only marry someone else.When a widow leaves her ex-husband's house, she must first pack cigarettes and tea for her parents-in-law, and she cannot take any dowry with her from her natal family.If there are infants, they can be taken away. After weaning, they must be sent back to the original husband's family and raised by their brothers.Those who marry widows are mostly those who have lost their wives. (3) You can remarry after the filial piety period expires Mulao widows can remarry half a year after the death of their husbands, and they are not condemned or criticized by public opinion.But the new husband has to pay a certain amount of dowry to the original husband's parents, and the two parties sign a contract as proof.When a widow remarries, she must leave her original husband's house one day in advance, live in a cave for one night, and marry at her new husband's house the next day.A widow can also stay in her husband's house, recruit a son-in-law to bring up her ex-husband's children.The son-in-law does not need to change his name and surname, and the newborn child can have both surnames, that is, both the surname of the former father and the surname of the biological father. The Li people lost their husbands, and the widows were taken back by their natal families, and the children they gave birth stayed in their husbands' homes.Widows can remarry after keeping their filial piety for a certain period of time, and choose a spouse entirely by themselves.In some places, the time of keeping filial piety is three years. The reason is that people believe that the soul of the deceased husband will still follow her within three years, so she cannot marry another.But she can go to the dormitory to find a lover.What's interesting is that the children born to widows and other people in dormitories still belong to the ex-husband's family.Marrying a widow also pays a certain dowry, the amount of which is inversely proportional to the age of the widow.There are also some who can recruit a man to marry in the deceased husband's house, mostly to support the deceased husband's children. Young Xibo women who are widowed do not have the custom of changing houses, but they have to observe mourning for three years before they can choose another mate.The children born to the ex-husband stay in the husband's house and cannot take away their belongings.When remarrying, if both parties are remarried, a whole set of wedding ceremonies such as praying in front of the stove and swearing to be whiteheads will no longer be held.But as long as one party is the first marriage, the wedding is the same as the first marriage. The Miao people do not have the concept of being single, so there is no restriction on the remarriage of widows.Generally, young and middle-aged widows remarry almost without exception.Especially for a childless woman, after her husband's death, she can return to live in her mother's home after living in her husband's home for at least half a year.If you are married, but still live in your natal family during the period of "not falling into the husband's family", if your husband is critically ill or dies, you generally do not take care of or keep a vigil to avoid "unlucky".Young widows can still "travel" (that is, socialize with the opposite sex in the camp) without any discrimination.When remarrying, it is only necessary to send a sum of "tear money" to the original husband's family as a sacrifice.Generally, widows have worse remarriage conditions than girls, and they often look for widows or people with certain defects. (iv) The remarriage of a person considered to be unlucky Some ethnic groups attribute the loss of husband to the widow's bad life, regard it as an ominous person, and believe that the spirit of the dead still follows her. Therefore, there are many restrictions on widows' out-of-marriage, and many taboos have been born. When Maonan widows marry outside, the man who welcomes the relatives, in addition to sending a small amount of gifts to the widow's deceased husband's family and her mother's family, more importantly, the relatives should be held in the middle of the night, and the widow's head should be wrapped in fur and covered with banana leaves. The purpose of the face is to block the sight of the soul of the deceased husband, so as to avoid the entanglement and revenge of the deceased.When a widow enters her new husband's house, she must step on a white cloth to get married.Widows who remarry as concubines can only enter the house through the side door, and first present quilts, green cloth and other "life-threatening objects" to the first wife to express their acceptance of the subordinate status. If a widow of the Jing nationality remarries, she must return some money to her original husband's family.People thought that if she married directly from her husband's family to her new husband's family, it would bring disaster to her husband's family, so she had to take precautions by finding a new foothold.For this reason, the new husband needs to give some money to the original husband's family, and ask the elders of the family to take the widow to the fair market, or to the woods outside the village, and then the husband's family will pick it up.Some widows are allowed to get married at their deceased husband's house, but the recipients cannot enter or exit through the main entrance, but only through the side entrance.Formal marriages are never entered or exited through the side door. (5) No discrimination against remarriage There are also some ethnic groups who regard it as common for women to remarry.Divorce is easy for Dai women, and it is not difficult to remarry.It is even more natural to remarry after losing a husband. There is no concept of keeping festivals, but the bride price is less, and the wedding ceremony should be simplified. The reason is "the water that is poured out will not be full when it is taken back."Therefore, widowers and poor families often marry remarried women.A remarried person can bring the ex-husband's children to the new husband's home, and the stepfather and society do not discriminate against these children.Tibetans do not discriminate against widows remarrying, and the wedding ceremony is no different from first marriage.