Chapter 8 Section 7 Various Forms of Marriage and Family

We have introduced the marriage customs of ethnic minorities in our country. In this section, we will string together the clues in the marriage customs of ethnic minorities that can reflect the development of human marriage, and outline the changes in marriage patterns for people. The consanguineous group marriage characterized by the matching of brothers and sisters existed in the early Paleolithic human society, but there are many traces left in the legends of many ethnic groups in our country. Historical records: Gao Xin's daughter married Panhu [huhu] and gave birth to six sons and six daughters, matching each other ("Book of the Later Han·Nanman Biography").Among many ethnic groups in Hunan, Guizhou, Guangxi, Yunnan and other provinces, the legend that brothers and sisters are husband and wife is widely spread.For example, the legend of the origin of the custom is related to the marriage of brothers and sisters: According to legend, a brother and sister got into a big pumpkin and were washed away to the deserted Hainan Island in the ancient flood.Brother and sister set off from different directions to find a spouse, and in the end only the two meet.In order to pass on the human race, the clever younger sister painted her body with charcoal tattoos and changed her appearance. The elder brother married her because he couldn't recognize the younger sister, thus passing down the various branches of the Li nationality.

The "Genesis" of the Naxi people in Lijiang said: Their ancestors had six brothers and six sisters from Ren Li'en, "Brothers could not find wives, but found their own sisters; sisters, unable to find husbands, found themselves. brother", the result is naturally "siblings match". Now it seems that blood marriage is extremely absurd, but compared with the original state of interbreeding, it has excluded the marriage relationship between grandparents and grandchildren, and between parents and children. It should be admitted that this is a huge progress in human evolution.

Remnants of this kind of consanguineous marriage could still be found among the Mosuo people in the Yongning area of ​​Ninglang County, Yunnan Province before liberation.In the local Tuozhi, Zhongke, Kaiji and other villages, there have been cases of brother-sister or sister-sibling matching.Since the Mosuo people have already established the norms of exogamy in the clan, these people are condemned by the whole society, saying that they are animals with "hair on their faces". The same is true for the Jino clan who practice exogamy. Before the 1950s, remnants of consanguineous marriage existed quite commonly before marriage.They recognize the love relationship within the clan. This kind of lover is called "Bash" lover, and they can even develop to cohabitation, but marriage is never allowed, and offenders will be severely punished.The gifts given to each other by Bash lovers are treasured by both parties for a lifetime. Even if the couple finds this thing, they can understand and respect it.If one of the Bash lovers dies, the woman should put the mouth string and cigarette case made by her lover by her mouth and under the pillow; The belt is wrapped around the single wooden coffin.This all shows that the only lover in the mind of the deceased is the lover within the clan.In their concept, husband and wife during birth and husband and wife after death are two different things.Clan exogamy is practiced in the world, and only Bash lovers are reunited with their ancestors after death.

Obviously, this is a manifestation of nostalgia for the outdated blood marriage.However, the development of history has denied blood marriage. Many ethnic groups have long realized the natural law of "marriage with the same surname will not cause multiple births", so they consciously prohibit blood marriage. In the marriage system of the Dulong nationality, a group of sisters from the A clan and a group of brothers from the B clan are prevalent in a conjugal relationship.It is called "Bore" in Dulong language, which means "marriage of sisters and brothers".The characteristic of this kind of intermarriage group is that every adult man of clan A can become the husband of every adult woman of clan B, whereas a man of clan B cannot marry a woman of clan A, but must marry a woman of clan C.For this reason, at least three clans are needed to form a one-way cycle intermarriage network, but in fact, with the split of clans and other reasons, more and more groups participate in intermarriage, which also makes the chance of blood flow back more and more. few.This is undoubtedly a progressive trend.

The one-way uncle cousin marriage of the Jingpo people formed a unique "Dama-Muyu" relationship.That is to say, any family has the status of "uncle-like" for its own uncle's family and has the right to marry its daughter; but for its own uncle's family, it has the status of "father-in-law" and must marry its daughter to others.When concluding a marriage, both parties pay great attention to the order of seniority.If the eldest daughter is not married and wants to marry the second daughter, even if the uncle agrees, the man will give the bride's elder sister a cow when they get married, expressing his apology for marrying the younger sister.If the uncle's family has no daughters, or the age difference is large, the uncle's consent must be obtained before the son of the uncle's family chooses another mate.It is best for the uncle to find a marriage partner on his behalf.If there is no boy in the aunt's family, the daughter-in-law of the uncle's family can also find someone else.In either case, once the new relationship is established, a new set of "uncle-like" and "father-in-law" relationships will be formed.As a result, the scope of intermarriage continued to expand.

What needs to be specially explained is that the circular marriage of both the Dulong and the Jingpo is no longer the form of the original matrilineal clan period, but a legacy of the patrilineal system.It's just that the structure of exogamy in the clan still maintains the ancient custom of ring intermarriage.The original circular marriage no longer exists in our country, so the examples of Dulong and Jingpo are used to illustrate. The Azhu marriage, which is popular among the Mosuo and Pumi people in the Lugu Lake area at the turn of Sichuan and Yunnan, is a transitional form from group marriage to pair marriage. "A Zhu" refers to each other, which means friends, indicating that the two parties who establish this kind of relationship are just sexual friends, not husband and wife.The marriage relationship is realized by the man visiting the woman's home at night, so it is also called "visiting marriage".

The characteristic of visiting marriages is that they can gather and leave freely without any ceremony.Consensus is the main factor in establishing the relationship between A and Zhu.A man and a woman can establish a walking marriage relationship as long as they agree with each other in labor occasions, religious and festival gatherings.But they do not establish a common family, but produce and live in their own matrilineal families. In the initial stage of walking marriage, men usually visit women secretly, trying to avoid people's eyes and ears.Therefore, the man's visit and the woman's visit have an agreement in advance, and the woman will be introduced into the guest room by using a secret code.There are also some young people who do not come to the woman's house at the beginning of their relationship and live in the wild by chance.After getting along for a period of time, both parties are willing to maintain it, and the old man in the woman's family is not disgusted, so the man can bring his luggage and move to live in the woman's house openly.However, he still goes back to his mother's house for production and consumption during the day, and only comes to sleep with the woman at night.Occasionally, I also help the woman's family with some farm work.At this time, the woman puts on the clothes and accessories given by Azhu, and shows off in front of everyone that she has a long-term Azhu.The A-Z relationship has thus entered an open and relatively stable stage.They give each other traditional gifts on a regular basis - the man gives the woman cotton cloth, silk thread, etc., and salt and tea from the woman's mother, and the woman gives the man the linen trousers woven by herself.The two have similar temperaments and care for each other is the basis for maintaining the relationship between Azhu.Once they turn against each other, it will lead to the breakdown of Azhu's relationship.

The form of a note marriage determines that women are in a dominant position.She is the master, waiting for the man to visit at home, and the man is just a passer-by who comes back at night.If the woman is not willing to continue the relationship, she only needs to say to him, "Don't come again tomorrow", or leave his luggage outside the door of the guest room, and the man can only go away forever.Of course, men have the same rights.He can declare to the woman that he will no longer visit, or he can leave without saying goodbye.Both parties will not mind this kind of divorce, because they have made more than one friend in their life, and the dissolution of the old relationship means that a new relationship will be concluded.As for the upbringing of children, it has always been a matter of the matrilineal relatives, and has nothing to do with the male Azhu.

This is a fake marriage that matches the sky.Some Tu, Yugu and Tibetan ethnic groups in Qinghai and Gansu once practiced this marriage custom.The Tu and Tibetans call it "Daitiantou", and the Yugur people call it "Tianfang Daitou".The "false marriage" of the Yi people in Liangshan is also similar. The Tiantou wearing ceremony of the Tu nationality is held on the 30th night of the twelfth lunar month.They believe that this day is the alternation of the old and new years, regardless of the sky or the earth.At that time, the 15-year-old girl will be decided by her parents, and she will be considered a married daughter-in-law by asking a person who is destined for the girl to untie her headband, change the single braid into double braid, and put on a woman's attire.Her groom is the vast blue sky.From then on, she can stay with any visiting man she likes, and have children and inherit her natal family's property.

Tibetans regard wearing Tiantou as the same as formal marriage, so the ceremony of wearing Tiantou is grand and solemn.It is necessary to negotiate relevant matters with the heads of the households of the clan in advance, and select the candidates needed for the marriage ceremony such as the secretary.On the day when the head is worn, eminent monks should be invited to hold a religious baptism for the girl.The girl knelt on the ground and listened to the eminent monk recite the "Greetings of Daitiantou" to her: The golden pheasant with plump feathers flies towards the blue sky; The horses with sufficient strength began to gallop on the grassland;

For girls who have reached Daitou's age, the wedding will be held on the opposite side of the sky. This is a national custom, this is a wedding tradition, For girls to choose a match freely, opened the door of heaven. This last sentence pierced Dai Tiantou's secret. It is nothing more than announcing to the world with religious blessings that another girl has matured and is waiting for her lover's visit.She can live in her natal family and have children with any man she likes; she can also get married, and her husband will not dislike her for having a lover.If there are children, the children can marry with the mother and follow the paternal line, or they can stay in the uncle's house and follow the matrilineal line. Yugur's head-wearing in tents is usually held when girls are 15 or 17 years old.Poor families usually have a simple ceremony on the eighth day of the first month of the lunar calendar.Rich families also choose auspicious dates and hold banquets.When the ceremony is held, the lama chooses women who match the zodiac signs and puts the head on the girl in front of many guests—that is, tie a luxurious headdress made of coral and agate on the girl's hair.It symbolizes that the girl is married, and she will not be criticized for having children. The marriage custom of wearing Tiantou or wearing a head in the tent originated very early, and evolved from the matrilineal visiting marriage.Its long-term continuation is related to the imbalance in the ratio of men and women who can marry in these ethnic groups.For example, both Tu and Tibetan have many men who become monks and become lamas, which means that a considerable number of women lose their chances of marriage.At the same time, the huge expense of buying and selling marriages makes it impossible for many people to get married.Wearing Tiantou enables men and women who are divorced due to various reasons to have the opportunity to live a sexual life permitted by customs, and alleviates related social problems.Men usually come at night and return in the morning.In this kind of marriage relationship, women have a high status and great rights, and are not bound by men.Men who depend on women for their labor have no security.Because this kind of marriage relationship prevents both parties from having a stable family, which seriously affects labor production and life, and causes a lot of pain.Especially when men are old and frail, they are in danger of being abandoned. In addition, the Yi people in Liangshan also have a custom similar to wearing Tiantou.For a girl who has grown up and is unmarried due to various reasons, her family will hold a ceremony of "changing skirts", also known as "false marriage".On this day, when the sun was about to rise or set, the mother took her daughter outside the house, gave her a fried buckwheat ball, and then changed her into a short purple-red wool skirt, saying: The girl is old enough to be married, and the wedding is now held.And pointing to the big tree or big stone on the side of the road, say: You will be a family with it today.In some areas, girls after "false marriages" have sexual freedom. The natural development of visiting marriage is that the woman marries her husband, and the man marries and lives with his wife, thus creating a dual family.But it still lacks an independent economic foundation and is still attached to the woman's matrilineal family commune.However, after all, it has broken the single matrilineal inheritance. People not only know their mother, but also have a father who lives together.Among the Lahu people in our country, this historical drama can still be seen. In Nuofu District, Lancang County, Yunnan Province, there was a matrilineal family commune with more than 130 people, and 25 married couples and their children lived together in a longhouse.The entire longhouse is called the "bottom page", and the single room where each pair of families live is called the "bottom valley".The family commune implements common labor and average consumption, and the couple family is a part of it. When a Lahu man gets married, the wedding ceremony is held at the woman's home.On the first wedding day, the bride is accompanied by her female companion to the man's house to marry.The man's family prepares wine and meat to entertain the bride and her party.That night, the groom bids farewell to the family gods and parents, carries simple luggage and farming tools, and walks with the bride to the bride's home accompanied by a male companion.The woman does not hold a banquet, and a village elder will give blessings to the new couple, and then young men and women in costumes will accompany the newlyweds, singing and dancing around the fire pond, wishing them a lifetime of love and a fiery love. For the Lahu nationality where the wife lives, the blood of the children is from the mother, and the property is also inherited according to the matrilineal line.In the family commune, women are members of the family, while sons-in-law are outsiders. Women undoubtedly occupy the core position.But the status of men and women is equal, and married life is based on feelings.A marriage can be terminated as long as either party is unwilling to maintain it. In my country's Dai, Gaoshan, Wa, Bulang and other ethnic groups, there are also pairs of marriages in which the wife lives, but most of them are kept under the patriarchal system, which is not as typical as the Lahu ethnic group. With the development of productivity and the increasing role of men in the family economy, the wife's residence marriage has gradually changed to the husband's residence marriage. According to the legend of the Jingpo nationality: in the past, men married women, but in the "Mutuogong" era, women married men.The reason is: a man and a woman are about to hold a wedding, and the woman has prepared a banquet to marry the groom.But men are entangled in all kinds of things, so they can't prepare well.For a while, he said that the land had not been opened, and the house had not been built; In a hurry.Seeing that his brother really couldn't leave, his younger sister expressed her willingness to marry the other party herself in exchange for the other party's woman to marry her brother.Since then, the rules of marriage have changed: the man stays in his hometown, but the woman must marry into a foreign surname.Such legends also exist in the Daur and Ewenki ethnic groups.Although the legend is not true history, it is reasonable to use the fact that the man undertook the main labor in childbirth to explain that he cannot marry. The ancient wedding ceremony of the She nationality reflects this transformation from another aspect.When a bride of the She nationality comes to her husband's house, although relatives and friends have been waiting for her, the courtyard is empty. The bride will complain and say: "There is no one in your house!"Therefore, all relatives and friends came out to respond: I am waiting for you to pass on the family line!It can be seen from this that women of the She nationality did not marry at first, so they got married because the man's family "had no one else", so she was invited to marry over to continue the heir.It can be said that this is an excuse to change the wife's residence to the husband's residence.The fundamental reason is: men occupy a dominant position in production, and their personal property increases day by day, so they have the desire to leave property to their children, and attack the matrilineal system from many aspects, and finally achieve the goal of replacing it.As a result, the wife's residence becomes the husband's residence, and the dual marriage becomes monogamy.This opened the gap for the disintegration of the matrilineal society, and the patriarchal system was gradually established.Although the most drastic change in the history of the world will not involve large-scale bloody conflicts, the long-term and complexity of this process cannot be underestimated. Matriarchy’s resistance to patriarchy is still going on in many nations today.As a result, many customs have been formed. The dispute between wives and husbands, and the replacement of matriarchy by patriarchy at the end of primitive society began, and has continued to this day.Among many ethnic groups such as Buyi, Miao, Li, Zhuang, Dong, Mulao, Yao, Maonan, Yi, Tibetan, etc., the wedding night is not a good night with a perfect moon and full moon, but a couple with different rooms, and the bride reunites after a few days. Returning to her natal family to continue to live the life of an unmarried woman is called "not falling into her husband's house". The bridegroom of the Li nationality does not welcome the bridegroom in person, the man's family invites some relatives and friends to greet him, and the bride's parents have to kill a pig to entertain them.In the afternoon of the same day, the bride, accompanied by many women, walked to her husband's house with the greeters.On that day, the man's party entertained guests, and people sang and ate all night long.On the wedding night, the couple have different rooms, and the bride is accompanied by a bridesmaid.The next day, the bride returns to her natal home.A few days later, she returned to her husband's house to recognize relatives, and then returned to her mother's house, where she still lived in the "long boudoir" and looked for a lover.Generally, after giving birth to the first child, the woman returns to her husband's house to live. On the second day (or third day in some cases) of Zhuang people's marriage, the bride will return to her natal home with her bridesmaids.Followed by the bridegroom, accompanied by one or two best men, carrying gifts such as wine and meat, he comes to the bride's house to worship the ancestors and recognize the clan, which is called "Huimen".A few days later, the groom returned home, and the bride still lived in her natal family.After that, the husband's family needs to send someone to pick them up, and then the bride goes to the man's house to live with the groom for a day or two, do some symbolic labor, and then return to live in her natal family.During festivals, weddings and funerals, and busy farming seasons, the man has to send someone to invite the bride to come back and stay for a few days.During the period of living in her natal family after marriage, her status is still like that of a girl who has not left the court. She enjoys all the rights and obligations of being a master. love song.Occasionally going back to her husband's house, she became a guest instead, without the rights and obligations of being a housewife.She didn't live with her husband's family until she became pregnant. In the Yi nationality in Liangshan, the husband's family sent the brothers to bring wine and meat to the woman to marry.The girl and daughter-in-law of the bride's family tease the welcoming relatives by pouring cold water and wiping the bottom of the pot, and express their retention of the bride.Those who welcome relatives should try their best to carry or carry the bride away.When the bride arrives at her husband's house, she will be accompanied by her husband's sister-in-law and the sister-in-law who sent her off.The next morning, they help the bride dress up and change the single braid to double braid, which means they are married.After the wedding banquet, send relatives to escort the bride back to her natal home.From then on, the bride will live in her natal family for a long time, and the husband can visit from time to time, just like a walking marriage.The shortest time for a bride to live in her natal home is two or three years, and the longest period is six or seven years, depending on her age at the time of marriage and her relationship with her husband. The custom of staying away from the husband's family for a long time is a kind of disregard for the husband's authority, especially during this period, the bride can still talk about love, which is intolerable to the husband's authority.Therefore, the man tried every means to get rid of this custom, while the woman tried her best to maintain it, thus forming a unique family sitting ceremony in some ethnic groups, that is, the ceremony held by the man for the bride to end her "not falling into her husband's house" and return to her husband's house to live. Brides of the Pumi Tribe The wedding ceremony of the Pumi people is complicated.The man picks up once, and the bride runs once, which lasts for several years or even a decade or two, known as "three times and nine turns". For the first few marriages, the bride is accompanied by a female companion, and the husband and wife do not have different rooms.When picking up the bride for the fourth time, the groom will try to sleep with his wife and try his best to keep her to stay longer.The bride tries to escape back to her natal family so as to extend the time she will not fall into her husband's family.Because once pregnant, her natal family cannot keep her to give birth, which means that her living in her natal family will be terminated.The husband's family will be overjoyed, and immediately prepare to welcome the bride to come to sit in the house - live in the husband's house for a long time. The man welcomes the bride who is pregnant and comes to sit at home, and has a big banquet the next day, mainly inviting the old men and their wives in the village.After drinking and eating well, the old men raised the curtain for the trial of the bride. They said solemnly to the old ladies: "Today the new daughter-in-law comes to sit at home. The master is happy and the whole village is happy. However, we have our own rules. There must be no ambiguity about men and women." They want the old ladies to set an example, tell the old rules to the new daughter-in-law, and ask her to confess her privacy honestly. The old ladies obeyed the instructions and took the bride to a place where there were no men, and surrounded her and sat on the ground.As long as you said something, I persuaded him with one word: "We are all from the past, and we all know that being a girl is free and easy. Now it is different, we come to someone else's family to be a wife, and we have to explain all the fun and fun things in the past." "If If we don’t listen to the old man’s words, the man will blame us, and we have no words to persuade us.” Under the coaxing, intimidation, soft and hard tactics of the old ladies, the vast majority of brides will be confused, flustered and soft-spoken, and reveal their privacy.But there are also a small number of brave ones who refuse to give in, they will be covered with blankets and smoked, and they will say: "If you want people to know, unless you can't do it yourself, if you don't confess, your man will punish you, and we will stop you." Can't stop!" This is not an intimidation, but a warning.Sure enough, the man behind the scenes, seeing that the old ladies couldn't overcome them, would walk from the backstage to the front stage and interrogate his wives publicly.The husband's interrogation often uses a criminal method called "monkey carrying piles", that is, a tree pile one meter high and three fingers wide is buried on the ground, and the bride is seated in front of the pile. The pile was broken open and a wooden wedge was driven into it. As a result, the bride's fingers were tightened by the rope, and she had to admit it.The slightest disobedience is in danger of being torn apart! (Figure 15) "Wearing a fake shell" of the Buyi people The purpose of wearing a fake shell is to force the bride to change her hairstyle: the girl's long braid is turned into a daughter-in-law's bun (ji plan).Once so, she must end her free life in her natal home. "Fake shell" is a dustpan-shaped female hat made of bamboo shoot shells and tied with cloth.Wearing a fake shell is generally carried out within one or two years after an adult woman gets married.Regardless of whether the woman is satisfied with the marriage or not, the man will force it, so there will inevitably be a struggle.Wearing fake shells is only limited to April or August and September every year.The husband's family prepares everything in secret. When the time comes, the husband's mother and sister-in-law sometimes invite two relatives and women, carrying a chicken and a fake shell hat, to sneak into the bride's house and hide in the dark. Suddenly, several people hugged her together, forcibly untied her hair, tied it into a bun, and put on a fake shell.To achieve this goal, the bride has to live with her husband's family docilely.But if the bride struggles so much that she is only put on a fake shell and her hairstyle remains unchanged, the ceremony will fail.Will do it again some other day.Those women who are dissatisfied with their marriages regard wearing fake shells as a way out, and their resistance is particularly fierce.In some areas, there is also the custom of crying fake shells.That is to say, after the bride is put on a fake shell, she shuts herself up and cries bitterly for two or three days.But no matter how sad, I still have to go to live with my husband's house. Hmong bride cooking and sitting at home The Miao people are independent marriages, and their family sitting ceremony is full of warmth. After the Miao people get married, the bride also lives in her natal family for a long time.During this period, the groom can come and go frequently, and the bride can also come to her husband’s house for a short stay for a few days during New Year’s festivals, busy farming seasons or when the husband’s family has something to do. The bride can’t touch cooking utensils such as pots, retorts, shovels, spoons, etc. at her husband’s house, and she can’t even eat. It needs to be served by others.The bride at this time is completely a guest in her husband's house. When the bride decides to live in her husband's house, she needs to choose an auspicious day to hold a "cooking" or "weaving" ceremony at her husband's house.The bride cooks meals to worship the ancestors of her husband's family, which means that she has become an official member of her husband's family.Then return to her natal home accompanied by the bridegroom's mother and others.The return home this time is very different from the past. The bride changed her status as the host of her own home, and regarded herself as a foreigner, and no longer touched the stove and household items of her natal home.When the bride returns to her husband's house, her mother's family will give Xiaomi ears to wish the young couple many children and grandchildren.A new couple starts a new life from now on. Marriage snatching is an active offensive taken by men when they change their wife's residence to their husband's residence.This has left a legacy in many ethnic groups in our country.The so-called "marriage of bandits and robbers" in the novel is a true portrayal of robbery and marriage. "When you marry a wife to faint", it is the etiquette of "marriage by bandits".Because robbing women is to take advantage of the woman's unpreparedness, it is chosen to start at dusk, and later generations have followed this custom.Nowadays, in the weddings of the Han nationality, it is difficult to find traces of snatching marriages, but in the weddings of the brother ethnic groups, there are still many related customs.For example, during the wedding ceremony, the woman's marriage refusal performance, the bride's crying marriage, the man's precautions and various witchcraft to avoid evil, and the mutual ridicule and banter during the wedding are all related to the snatching of marriages.Marriage escape is just a resistance to marriage snatching. Before liberation, snatching marriage was still one of the ways of marriage recognized by society among some ethnic groups. Find an insider first and then grab a marriage Before the Jingpo people rob marriages, the young man must first steal an item from the person he likes, and ask a wizard for divination to see if he can form a good relationship.If it's a good day, please ask the matchmaker to choose the date of the wedding.The matchmaker also has to go to the girl's village to find an insider, so as to keep an eye on the girl's whereabouts.On the day of robbing the marriage, the matchmaker led several capable young men to ambush near the woman's village.The girl was tricked out by an insider, and a group of people swarmed up and hijacked her forcibly.Then, the insider and the man's elder brought gifts to inform the girl's parents: a certain family has taken your daughter away, please allow her to get married.If the woman agrees, the bride price can be negotiated.If you really don't want to, you have to give up, but this rarely happens.After the woman agrees, she must immediately notify her uncle and neighbors to go to the man's house to attend the wedding. Real robbery and fake robbery There are two situations of robbery for Yi people in Liangshan: one is real robbery.For example, a man and a woman of the same class who can intermarry fall in love from acquaintance, but are rejected by the woman’s parents due to certain differences in economic status and social status.There are also tyrants who, after learning that a certain family's daughter is beautiful and married, insist on taking it for themselves, so they invite a few strong people to rob it by force.However, the customary law of the Yi people in Liangshan, who practiced slavery, recognized the validity of abducted marriages.The other is false robbery, that is, due to economic and other reasons, both the man and the woman hope that the marriage ceremony will be simple.After negotiation, the marriage was simplified in the form of snatching a marriage.However, in any case, the consent of the woman's parents and the bride's acquiescence are still needed in the end, otherwise troubles will be left behind, and enemies will fight each other. When the Shui tribe robbed marriages, a group of quick-moving young men held ropes and hid at the entrance of the village where the women must pass. When the women were unsuspecting, they were forcibly kidnapped and forced to have sex with the man's house. The bride's family proposes.If the woman disagrees, she immediately summons the tribe to bring weapons to the man's house to make a big fuss and snatch the girl back.If the girl's parents reluctantly agree, but the girl herself is unwilling, although the marriage relationship is temporarily established, there will inevitably be escape from marriage in the future. acclaimed marriage robbery and widow robbery Marriage snatching among the Lisu people usually happens when the man and the woman make love in private but the woman's parents do not allow it.At that time, the man invites a few shrewd and powerful young men to "rob" the woman to his home suddenly, and then sends someone to notify the woman's parents, pay the dowry, and hold a banquet for the wedding ceremony.This kind of "marriage snatching" is often passed on as a good story and praised by others.The girl who is "robbed" is also respected by her husband and family members, and has a higher status in her husband's family.There is another kind of robbed marriage, and the robbed are limited to widows.Some men from poor families suffer from insufficient dowry gifts, so they have to marry widows by robbing them.This kind of snatching of marriages often takes the widow to the home first, regardless of whether the other party agrees or not, and then negotiates the terms.If the woman agrees, she can invite someone to the original husband's house to discuss the dowry and become a couple.If I or my former husband's family disagree, I have to release him immediately, and I don't have to bear any responsibility.There is also a situation in which the widow's parents-in-law are first negotiated, and then a few young men are invited to snatch the widow back on the road, and then they can get married. Escaping Marriage and Snatching Marriage of the Dai Nationality The Dai people love freely, but the cost of marriage is high. Some young men and women who cannot afford the cost of marriage also escape or rob marriage to achieve the purpose of marriage.Girls who escaped from marriage carried their parents behind their backs and fled to their in-laws or relatives' homes with young men in the dark.He also took away personal belongings with him and handed them over to the man to show the steadfastness of love.No matter where the men and women who escaped marriage go, they will be warmly received.And if she fled to the man's house, the girl could only sleep with the man's mother and sisters.But the girl's escape has shown that it is the young man who will not marry, and public opinion believes that "the raw rice has been cooked" and cannot be separated.On the second day, the man invites the elders or the parents to visit the woman's parents and "admit their mistakes" on behalf of the two young people, so that the woman's parents can look good.In this case, the number of betrothal gifts will naturally be reduced. Marriage snatching is also a time and place agreed upon in advance by both men and women. The man invites his friends to ambush at the predetermined place, and the girl arrives as promised.The girl pretends to be a call sign, and her family and villagers come to chase after hearing the sound. The robbers sprinkle the coins prepared in advance on the ground. When people realize that it is a marriage robbery, they just pick up the money or chase it in the opposite direction. The girl snatched it away.After a while, the man invites relatives to discuss the marriage and agree on the amount of bride price.Afterwards, the girl returns to her natal family and chooses a date for the wedding. All kinds of marriage snatching by the Naxi people Robbery, called "life loss" in Naxi language, mainly occurs between men and women who have already engaged. Knowing that the woman is dissatisfied with the marriage and has another lover, there are signs of leaving.In these cases, the man achieves the purpose of marriage by "robbing the bride".In individual cases, there are also cases where the woman's family is poor, and the dowry is too small for fear of being criticized, so the man "robs the bride" to marry the daughter.No matter what the situation is, there are certain rules, that is, it must be done in a place far away from the woman's home, and no matter how many partners the man invites, the party concerned must be the first to grab the woman.No matter what the situation is after robbing the bride, the relatives of the woman will go to the man's house to fight, and then the elders of both parties will come forward to mediate, give the bride price and hold a simple ceremony.Even if the woman's family is very unwilling, as long as the woman enters the door of the man's house, there is no reason to go back.It can be seen that the custom of "grabbing marriages" left over from ancient times has been used as a means to solve some urgent problems in feudal marriage relations. Marriage of the Zhuang nationality "Juan Accompanying Marriage" is called "Bei Feien" in Zhuang language, which means "robbing marriage" or "escaping marriage".The Zhuang people are free to socialize. Young men and women find the person they like on the song fair, make a vow of eternal alliance, and tell their parents.If the parents agree, they can get married according to normal marriage ceremonies, but if the parents don't agree, it may lead to "marriage with companions".That is to say, when the married couple agree on a date, the bride will go out in full makeup, and the groom will find some companions to snatch the bride away.Before the bride leaves the house, she secretly places the groom's letter of engagement and dowry on the bed of her parents. When the parents find out that their daughter has left, they will threaten to sue, but they will not do anything.After more than one year old, the daughter gave birth to a child, and then returned to her natal home with her husband and son to visit her parents with gifts.The parents always pretended to be angry at first, and after the two apologized with the ceremony, they calmed down and talked about the gift of the son-in-law. Marrying a Widow and Finding a Substitute for the Korean Ethnic Group The snatching marriage of the Korean nationality is not a legacy of the original marriage customs, but a special means to achieve the purpose of marriage under the feudal ethics.Due to the influence of feudal ethics, in some places husbands and wives have to remain widowed. No matter how many reasons there are, remarriage is regarded as infidelity and is subject to discrimination.Therefore, if you want to marry a widow, it is not feasible to marry a widow.The only way to achieve the goal is to "rob marriage".This is often done by men with difficult families. In addition, there is also a kind of "marriage snatching" by upper-class figures for the purpose of finding a substitute in order to pass on their own bad luck.It is said that a wealthy man asked someone to tell a fortune teller for his daughter, and he got a bad fortune, saying that his daughter had hit Kefu.The rich man didn't want his daughter to be a widow, so he adopted a method of blaming others: he sent his servant to snatch back a poor boy, pretending to recruit a son-in-law as his son-in-law, and let his daughter marry him that night.The next day when the rooster crowed, the rich man ordered the poor boy to be hacked to death in the wilderness, so as to fulfill the bad luck of his daughter Kefu.After that, the rich man will choose another suitable spouse for his daughter.This brutal habit is called "Baoshanman". It happened from time to time before the 1950s, but has since been abolished. From not falling into the husband's family to snatching marriages and escaping marriages, it is not difficult to see that the process of patriarchy replacing matriarchy is full of various contradictions and struggles.There is not only the tenacious resistance of matriarchy, insisting on not falling into the husband's family for many years, but also the arbitrariness of patriarchy, which punishes brides and robs them for marriage, so as to establish the pure blood of the patrilineal line.But after all, the replacement of matriarchy by patriarchy is the general trend of historical development.Matriarchy was still defeated by patriarchy in most ethnic groups and was forced to withdraw from the stage of history.As Engels said: This is a historic failure for women in the world. Since then, women have fallen from a lofty and respected status to an abyss of enslavement and ravages. With the establishment of patriarchy and the formation of monogamy, women have completely lost their autonomy in marriage and become movable property that can be transferred. From this, marriage forms such as transaction marriage, exchange marriage, and house transfer marriage have emerged. Buying and selling marriages often appear in the form of bride price.In some ethnic groups, the bride price is blatantly called "buying girls' money".In the Lhoba people, there is no such word as "marrying a wife", but "buying a wife". The betrayed Lhoba girl Among the young people of the Lhoba ethnic group, free love has become common practice.But their marriage rights are in the hands of their parents, who buy and sell for them according to the principle of hierarchical endogamy. Before the 1950s, the Lhoba society was already in the early stage of slavery.The society is divided into three classes: Mai De (nobility), Mai Rang (common people) and Nirba (slaves).Regardless of the rank, when the daughters grow to fifteen or sixteen years old, their parents, as sellers, bid them a wedding price.Women of the Maid class are generally worth six to ten large cows; Mairang girls have three to five cows, and even Nieba women are worth three cows.Girls with a wedding price are placed on the market for buying and selling marriages like commodities.If the man's parents fancy a girl and feel that the wedding price can still be paid, they can immediately take the girl back to marry after paying the wedding price at the woman's home. Although the Lhoba girl at the wedding dresses up beautifully like other brides and accepts the blessings of everyone, her heart and life are seldom happy, because her husband can betray her as a second seller at any time. discriminated against doorman Buy and sell marriages made some poor men unable to marry wives, so they had to go "door-to-door".In some ethnic groups, marriage between a man and a woman is regarded as authentic, and the son-in-law has a low status and is discriminated against.For example, the son-in-law of the Qiang nationality must follow his wife's surname, obey his wife's orders, not sit at the table when eating, and drink wine only after everyone has used it.After death, the ashes of the ashes can only be buried in the cremation site with the consent of the wife's family.有的外地贫苦农民流落入羌区，若是成了赘婿，待遇更低，还要立文字手续，当地称为“招单”，有的招单用汉字这样写道： 祖宗无德，小子无能，流落他乡，无以为生。今甘愿在某某门下上门，改姓某某。弯刀一把，索子一根，每日上山砍柴，下河背水，若有不从，乱棒打出，不得翻悔。 这无异是一种卖身契。有人还借招赘婿为名，骗贫困男子写招单上门，实际上并不让女儿与其成婚，无偿役使数年后，就借故赶出。这种上门郎的遭遇就更为悲惨了。毛难族的招赘婿，婚配时有一个屈辱的特殊仪式，要背着挡雨的蓑衣爬进女家大门，随即在神台前改随妻姓，在众亲友面前接受从属的地位。上门郎的地位说明，封建买卖婚不仅使妇女成为商品，贫困的男子也同样沦为奴仆。 小女婿和无儿娶媳 裕固族过去盛行买卖婚，彩礼花销大，结婚的多为有钱人，男子中十有八九不能正式结婚。因而交换婚、童养媳相当多。另外，有的富裕之家七八岁的男孩娶十七八岁的姑娘为妻，实际上是娶个不用花钱的长工。还有一种无儿娶媳，即富裕人家自己没有儿子，却买个贫苦牧民的姑娘做“儿媳”，借她招来男子，无偿奴役。该男子无任何名分，主家稍不满意便驱赶出门，另觅一个身强力壮的供役使。 如果妻子是买来的，一旦丈夫亡故，妻作为动产应由夫的兄弟和族人承继，而不许外嫁。由此出现了转房婚，即兄死弟娶寡嫂，或弟死兄纳弟媳，甚至有非血亲的异辈转房。此种婚俗过去在藏、彝、苗、佤、怒、满、壮、布依、傈僳、普米、景颇、哈萨克等民族中均存在过。买卖婚使妇女沦为没有独立人格的可以转让的财产。 在父权制下，青年人的婚权也属于家长，婚姻以阶级门第、财富多寡为标准。满族男子向妻方交纳的聘礼，少者10匹马，多者上百匹。哈萨克民谚说：“美丽的姑娘值八十匹骏马。”而王公贵族的彩礼高达100峰骆驼，相当于500匹马，或上千只羊。高额的彩礼使富者可以任意多妻，贫者则一妻难求。由此又产生出交换婚和服役婚的习俗。 交换婚即有子女的双方为避免繁重的彩礼，由双方家长做主相互以女换媳。它只考虑解决父系的承嗣问题，全然不顾子女的意愿。此婚俗不仅在兄弟民族中有，在汉族中也属常见。 服役婚也是一种招赘婚，男子地位低下。往往是贫穷男子因支付不起彩礼才到妻家入赘，以自己的劳动来偿付妻子的身价。这种入赘郎受到社会和女方成员的歧视。羌族谚语说：“不是走投无路人，不会到女人家上门。”入赘郎终日劳作，生活上却得不到平等待遇。在这里起作用的不是性别，而是财产。对赘男的歧视仍来自父权社会。因为按父权的眼光，男儿本应当家立户，一个依附于女家的男人，是无法自立于父权社会而理应受到轻视的。这与母权制下男女平等的妻方居住婚不同，与有些地区的彝、白等族可以男娶，也可以女娶，彼此不受歧视的招赘婚也不同。 即多偶制，包括一妻多夫和一夫多妻，是父权制下两种不普遍的婚姻形态。 一夫多妻制中的妻妾制始于奴隶制时代，并成为许多民族上层人物的特权。一夫多妻中的姐妹共夫，其起源可上溯到群婚时代；一妻多夫中的兄弟共妻也是如此。这些婚俗，在藏、门巴、珞巴和部分纳西族及普米族中曾经有过，但这些民族最普遍的婚姻仍然是一夫一妻制。 藏族的兄弟共妻，往往是为了避免家产的分散，从而防止社会地位下降。因此实行者多是有产业和土地的人。传统观念也以同胞兄弟能终生不分家为荣，视兄弟共妻为一种有利于兄弟团结的婚姻。共妻的家庭，家长由长兄担任，结婚也由他代表，诸弟长成逐渐参与共妻。 姐妹共夫多是由于男方家中缺少劳动力，把妻妹接来，彼此同意形成姐妹共夫。 尽管多偶制存在于一些民族中，但它只能属于少数而不会成为普遍形态。因为男女两性的比例差不多天然相当，普通人的经济能力也只允许维持一夫一妻制的生活。因此，它确实只是“历史的奢侈品”。 在我国少数民族中保留的可以作为人类婚姻发展史遗迹的种种婚姻家庭形态，限于本书的性质和篇幅，只能作以上简略的介绍。这些形形色色的婚姻家庭，有的已成历史的陈迹，有的正处于演变之中。而许多民族中存在的以爱情为基础的自主婚姻，则得到发扬和升华，日益成为更通行的婚姻形态。可以说，历史已经表明，只有以爱情为基础的婚姻才是幸福的。这既是人类早已有过的经历，也是未来历史发展的大趋势！

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