Chapter 12 a blue sky
Misty rain in the south of the Yangtze River has never been agreed upon, and it just happened unexpectedly.The old courtyard wall is covered with wet vines and green moss, and the distant memory is slowly approaching like this.How much prosperity has replaced old things, but I always believe that everyone has a Jiangnan complex that is hard to let go.
The misty and rainy alleys, deep courtyards, old wooden buildings, and the unfinished social opera on the vicissitudes of life stage have become the never-ending concerns in our hearts.
Now that I think about it, why did Lin Huiyin and Xu Zhimo have such a deep-rooted love in Cambridge? Everything originated from this complex.They all grew up in the south of the Yangtze River, soaked in the gentle and tender landscape for too long, so that their hearts are so moist.A chance encounter in a foreign country made them seem to have found the same self.The originally calm heart began to surge, and the originally calm posture was no longer calm.Sometimes love is like flying a kite. Watching the kite and the white clouds synchronize, it is already hard to let go, so I simply tore off the string in my hand and let myself sway.If there is a destiny, there will be snow at dusk in thousands of mountains and clouds in thousands of miles, and they will meet again in the end.If there is no fate, from now on, it will be difficult to meet at the end of the world.
So Lin Huiyin's departure is justifiable.She knew that if she was with Xu Zhimo, her life path would be narrower and narrower.With her intelligence, she would rather break the thread of fate with her own hands and let go of her heart, let herself have a brighter future, than be torn apart by others in the future, and fall into an unmanageable situation.
The lonely Xu Zhimo said a lonely and simple sentence: "I will visit my only soul mate in the vast sea of people. If I get it, I'm lucky; if I don't, it's my fate, that's all."
that is it.What a light sentence, the reader has no intention, but the speaker has intention.Getting it is luck, not getting it is fate. In the reality that has been decided, Xu Zhimo can only bow his head to fate.But he did not give up his pursuit of Lin Huiyin, because he always believed that they had a true love, true love, and should not be separated innocently like this.He thought that as long as he chose to divorce to gain freedom, he might still be eligible to pursue Lin Huiyin again.In his heart, Lin Huiyin was a pure and weak girl, and he regarded her leaving without saying goodbye as an escape and willfulness.
He overlooked that Lin Huiyin is a rational woman to some extent, and she can even be more decisive than those ostentatious women.
After Lin Huiyin left, Xu Zhimo must have written a lot of letters to her, but can his sincere letters and romantic and affectionate poems still touch Lin Huiyin's heart as before?In this way, it does not mean that Lin Huiyin has changed his mind, but that once some feelings are lost, it is impossible to return to the previous feeling.Despite this, Xu Zhimo insisted on divorcing Zhang Youyi. Even if Lin Huiyin didn't look back, he would end this embarrassing marriage and get out of this besieged city.
In March 1922, Xu Zhimo went to Berlin, Germany. After Jin Yuelin and Wu Jingxiong testified, he finally got his wish and divorced Zhang Youyi.In this eventful spring, Lin Huiyin and Liang Sicheng's marriage "has already been established", but no appointment has been made.I don't know if this is the so-called accidental accident, or if this is the rubbing shoulders that people often talk about?But in the face of the undecided ending, Xu Zhimo resolutely chose to abandon Zhang Youyi. He believed that the union without emotion was the greatest tragedy in the world, even a cruel purgatory.Only letting go is the kindness to each other and the generous relief to the soul.
On weekdays, when people talk about the relationship between Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi, they always say that the relationship is not harmonious after marriage, but they are considerate to each other after divorce.However, what happened between them, we have no way of knowing.Zhang Youyi, a gentle and hard-working woman, has always kept her relationship with Xu Zhimo secret. Even though Xu Zhimo died more than 50 years ago, she never mentioned it.She didn't tell the truth until Zhang Youyi died. It turned out that Xu Zhimo was really too cruel to her.
When I write this, I always think of Zhang Youyi played by Liu Ruoying in the TV series "April Day on Earth".At the opening of the play, she was walking alone in a foreign country. At that time, Xu Zhimo had died, and she was reminiscing about her past.At this time, Zhang Youyi's dress is already fashionable, she can speak foreign languages fluently, and she is not unfamiliar with the surrounding things. The calmness on her face has a sense of life that has passed through thousands of sails.Now that I think about it, an ordinary woman who went out from the countryside of China, did not receive higher education, and had no contact with celebrities in society. In the end, she was able to survive independently and strongly in foreign countries. How many unknown sufferings did she experience during this period? with the grind?
If there is a husband who treats her well and a happy family, Zhang Youyi's fate may be different.Ever since Xu Zhimo took Zhang Youyi off the boat to live with him, he has always treated her coldly.It was the first time for Zhang Youyi to cross the ocean, and she was so unfamiliar with everything abroad, with language barriers and different customs, she had to bear the burden of Xu Zhimo's indifference by herself.During his life in London, Boston, and later in Berlin, he used to think that Xu Zhimo was an elegant scholar. With his kindness, even if he didn't love Zhang Youyi, he would treat her kindly.
Everything is not as imagined. A man, a passionate man, wants him to face a woman he doesn't love all day long. What he can do is not to treat her kindly, but how to release her depressed mood.So if Xu Zhimo and Zhang Youyi treat each other as guests, he is really powerless.If Lin Huiyin did not appear, perhaps Xu Zhimo's attitude towards Zhang Youyi could be more tolerant.But when he met the supreme goddess in his life, Zhang Youyi was ruthlessly swept into the dust by him, without even a trace of pity.Perhaps we can’t blame Xu Zhimo for being cruel. Everyone handles emotions in different ways. This man who believes in freedom and respects love cannot be perfect in life.
Xu Zhimo handed Zhang Youyi a ruthless divorce paper. Although she was pregnant at that time, Xu Zhimo saw that Zhang Youyi refused to agree, so he left and left her alone in Boston.As the delivery date approached, the unaccompanied Zhang Youyi had no choice but to write to her second brother Zhang Junmai for help.Later, Zhang Youyi came to Paris, returned to Berlin, and gave birth to a child.Xu Zhimo ignored all of this, and he didn't find Berlin until he went through the divorce procedures.Such a ruthless betrayal of a woman who was born for him, even if she is talented, is it worthy of our respect?
Perhaps we should forgive Xu Zhimo for his cruelty to Zhang Youyi because of his confusion and obsession, but no reason can offset his indifference to a weak woman, and everything originated from Lin Huiyin.So many years later, Lin Huiyin met Zhang Youyi on the sick bed, and she felt deeply guilty for a relationship that year.In fact, no one is wrong, it's all fate, you can't avoid it when you come, and you can't keep it when you go.
Zhang Youyi was not distraught because of Xu Zhimo's disappointment, she walked out of her grief, and finally completely forgot the shadow of yesterday, becoming an eye-catching new woman.The most commendable thing is that Zhang Youyi still served Xu Zhimo's parents after returning to China, and carefully raised her and Xu Zhimo's son.Zhang Youyi never blamed Xu Zhimo, in her heart, Xu Zhimo was the full moon in the sky, and even if she looked up at her in this life, she couldn't reach that height.So later, she calmed down, she no longer had extravagant hopes, just being an ordinary self, walking alone in the rainy world of mortals, year after year.
Many people want to know how Zhang Youyi feels about Xu Zhimo. After reading Zhang Youyi's self-report, people feel admiration for her. "You always ask me if I love Xu Zhimo.
You know, I can't answer that question.I'm so confused by this question because everyone keeps telling me that I must love Xu Zhimo after all I've done for him.However, I can't say what love is. I have never said 'I love you' to anyone in my life.If taking care of Xu Zhimo and his family is called love, then I probably love him.Among the few women he met in his life, maybe I love him the most. "
What is love?There are many kinds of love. Lin Huiyin loves Xu Zhimo, Zhang Youyi loves Xu Zhimo, and Lu Xiaoman loves Xu Zhimo.It's just that some of them love clearly, some love peacefully, and some love passionately.All love and affection in this world have cause and effect, if it is a debt, it should be repaid, if it is a crime, it should be repaid.