Chapter 12 tenth morning

May 19, 1974 you are the way Dear Master, as you know, it was the custom in ancient Zen monasteries that a monk had to live with the master for 10 years before he came out to establish his own family. There is a Zen story about a monk who had lived in the monastery for 10 years before completing his practice.On a rainy day, the monk went to see his master, Nanyin. After Nanyin congratulated him, he told the monk, "There is no doubt that if you put your shoes on the porch, then you put your umbrella on your doorstep." Right or left of the shoe? The monk hesitated for a moment, and through that hesitation he realized that he was not in Zen every moment.

You once told us that life has a pulse - inside and outside, yin and yang.Do we have to continue to be aware moment by moment, or can we also go with the pulse of life and let go of that effort sometimes? The first thing to understand is that awareness has to be moment to moment, but it can only be so when it becomes effortless.If you're trying, you're going to lose touch again and again; if you're trying, you're going to have to rest. Effort cannot be sustained, it is impossible, how can you continue to strive?You will be tired and then you have to relax, every effort needs relaxation.

If awareness comes through effort, then that awareness cannot be constant, cannot be a constant "flow", there will be moments where you have to lose awareness, there will be some relaxation and A moment of no effort. Life is pulsating, life is always moving to the opposite pole, try, then you have to rest, then you try, then you have to rest, but there is an awareness beyond life, it is beyond, Then there is no pulsation, it is effortless, it is spontaneous. What happened to this monk, this disciple of Nanyin?Master asked: Where are your shoes?right or left?He hesitated for a moment, and he realized that at the moment he put the shoes, he was not aware, otherwise he must have known where he put them.

His consciousness is not continuous, which means that his consciousness is not without effort, he still has to remember, he has to make conscious efforts, his alertness is still tense, he has not become regular alertness, so Sometimes he succeeds, sometimes he fails. Nanyin is just asking: Has your awareness become natural now?Have you become unmanipulative?Have you become needless to do anything with it?Is that awareness there whenever you are doing anything?Or do you still have to do some work to make it exist? If the effort is still there, then there is tension in it. Something with tension must be unnatural. An unnatural awareness is not real awareness. It is only on the surface, not in you. If it exist within you, then there is no need for any further effort.

I will say this: effort is always around.Through effort you cannot touch the center.You can do something around you, you can change your behavior, you can change your so-called character, in the part around you, you can use effort to become a good person, become a virtuous person, you can even become become a saint. But through effort you can never touch or penetrate the center, because no action can lead you to that center, you are already there!No need to do anything, you just be silent, spontaneous, then the center will arise, it will rise out of many clouds, there will be a gap, and suddenly you will know your spontaneous awareness, you It is the awareness, it is not something you do, it is not something you have to do, your nature is awareness.

Hindus call you "satchitananda" and they use three words - sat, chit, ananda. Sat means existential - that which never does not exist; Sat means that which is real - that which can never become unreal; Sat means that which is eternal - that which was, is, and will be will also exist. Chit means awareness and awareness, that's who you are!You have always been conscious, you are conscious, you will be conscious, that consciousness cannot be taken away from you, it exists in the core of your essence, it is not around, it is you, but you There is no connection to yourself. Ananda means bliss and ecstasy, not that you have to achieve bliss, it is you, you are always blissful, you cannot be otherwise, without that possibility, you cannot change it.

But you'd say it's just ridiculous because we're in pain.The reason you are in misery is because you are too attached to the surroundings, you have completely lost the center, you have become too preoccupied with others, too occupied with others, so your whole attention is on others, And put yourself in the shadows, in the darkness. In fact, you are "Satki Ananda". Master Nanyin Shan is asking his disciples: Are you aware of who you are now?Are you rooted into your nature now?What would happen if the disciple was really rooted in his nature? The story is hard to follow, the problem is not to put the shoes on the left or the right, that's not the point of the story, that seems to be the point, but it's not.The real point is that when Nanyin asked this, the disciples hesitated, and that was the real point.In that moment of hesitation, he was not aware that he was hesitating.If he is aware of hesitation, he will be accepted, but at that moment he loses awareness.

You can't fool Nan Yin.If you go to Nanyin and you can remember exactly where you put your shoes, it's not difficult.If Nanyin asks you, do you put your shoes on the left or the right?And you can answer immediately: on the right.Then you will still fail because that is not the point, that is just a deception. Nanyin was shifting his attention in order to see what was going on inside him now. When Nanyin asked "Do you put your shoes on the left or right", the disciple missed that moment. , he hesitated, and he was not aware of that hesitation, he began to think, and at that moment, he became unaware, Nanyin penetrated him, the question was just to divert his attention, it was just A deception.

The sannyasin has failed, he cannot be sent to teach others, he is not ready, he is not aware, how can a person who is not aware teach others?Anything he tries to teach will be bogus. There are many teachers who can teach others, but they are still not aware of themselves. They can even be good teachers, efficient, with good technique, but that is not the point, those things cannot help. Once I was traveling on a train and there was a kid in the car who was so loud that all the passengers in that car were disturbed by him, he would run from corner to corner, break glasses, or pour on people.His father felt so embarrassed, he tried many times to stop the kid, but he wouldn't listen.Finally, the father said, "Willie, if you are disobedient, I will beat you."

But the kid kept running around, and he ran to the other end of the car and said, OK, hit me, but if you hit me, I'm going to tell the auditor how old I really am. The father cannot be a teacher: even if a child does not listen to him, a teacher who is not aware of himself cannot be a teacher, he cannot teach others what he himself has not achieved. Awareness is something like an infectious disease. When the master is very alert and aware, you will be infected by his awareness.Sometimes, just sitting next to the master, you suddenly become very aware, as if the clouds have disappeared, and you can see the open sky, even for a moment... that makes the essence of your being have a deep change.

Even without making any effort on your part, just approach a master who is already silent, aware, and suddenly you become silent and he touches you...then the closed door opens, It's like in a dark night, suddenly there's a flash... and you see the whole. It will go away because you can't keep it, if you don't achieve it, you will lose it, but after having this experience, you will never be the same again, you already know something, something you didn't know before thing, now this knowing will remain a part of you. A desire will arise, a new ambition will arise to reach this, to make this eternal, because even for a moment it is so blissful, it sprinkles so much joy and So much joy is upon you. But if the master himself is not aware, then he can teach about awareness, but he cannot really teach awareness, and it is useless to teach "about" awareness, it is linguistic, it is a theory , you can learn the theory from him, but you cannot learn the fact. Therefore, before this disciple leaves Nanyin, Nanyin has to gain insight into him, which is a very different phenomenon. In the normal educational system the student is tested, but always his memory is tested, never himself.Nanyin is not testing the memory of the disciples, he is not asking, where do you put your shoes, right or left?He is not asking for a perfect memory because where he put his shoes is now a thing of the past, he is trying to see into the disciple's present state of being, he is not checking his memory, he is trying to see into his present This moment of awareness. The past was not the problem, the present is the problem. Just imagine the disciple sitting in front of Nanyin, Nanyin is asking him questions, and the disciple loses consciousness and goes into the past, he tries to think where he put his shoes, he tries to think if he can remember, he Try to think if he missed that awareness, so that he becomes a mess, his whole consciousness becomes cloudy, he is no longer here, he is not in Nanyin's being, he is already Into the past, he has entered into thought, he is not in a meditative state. That hesitation, that thought, that effort to try, you can't escape Nanyin's eyes, he will see through you, he will see all the clouds, he will see that you are not here and now. Then you cannot be allowed to teach others, you cannot be sent out, because what are you going to teach?You cannot teach that which you have not got, you can pretend, but that pretending will be dangerous, because if you pretend that you are aware, but in fact you are not, the pretending is contagious.A false master creates a false disciple, and then that falsehood spreads like a microwave. The most dangerous sin that a person can commit is feigning awareness, even if you murder a person, that sin is not that big, because in fact you cannot really murder, you can only destroy the body, and that soul goes into another body.You just destroy one game and another one starts immediately. A murderer is not such a big sinner, but if you are not aware and you pretend you are aware; if you are not a master but you pretend you are a master, then the damage you do is infinite , no other sin can compare to it, because other people will receive that pretense, and then they will start pretending too, and then it goes on and on, like you go to a stone into a peaceful lake, and then there are microwaves , that microwave will go on and on, one microwave creates another microwave, which then pushes another microwave, and then it goes on and on until the boundary of that lake. And this lake of consciousness has no boundaries, once a wave is created it goes on forever and ever.You will not be here, but your pretense and your falsehood will continue and many will be deceived by it. A false master is the biggest sinner in the world, that's why Nan Yin doesn't allow anyone to teach others unless he himself has become enlightened, then that light that burns in you can help others to be lit, that burns in you That fire can warm others, and the life that happens to you can help others out of their deadness. But remember: alertness, awareness, or awareness can only continue when they become effortless.There will be effort in the beginning, because if not, how are you going to start?You will make some effort, try to notice, you will try in every way to be conscious, but that effort will create tension, the harder you try, the more tense you will be, there will be little glimpses, But because of tension you will miss that ecstasy, yet you have to go through this stage of effort. Sooner or later you become aware of one thing: whenever you try hard, awareness comes to you, but it is a very painful awareness, nightmarish, it is very heavy, it is like a stone pressing on In your head, it's not very joyful, it's not weightless, it's not dancing, but when you're making the effort, every once in a while you suddenly become aware that when you're not making the effort, the Awareness will be light, blissful, ecstatic, dancing. But this can only happen to those who are trying, when you are trying, and now and then you stop trying, this glimpse will happen to you, and then you will be aware that through effort you cannot reach The ultimate, it happens only through non-effort. It happens to me a lot of meditators around me, they come and tell me that when they meditate in the morning or in the evening, not much happens, but suddenly in the evening or in the afternoon, when they are just sitting, there is Something happens and they do nothing. This kind of thing happens, it's like sometimes you forget a person's name, you feel like it's on the edge of your mouth, and you get an inner tension that you try to think about, but you just can't Get up, the harder you try, the less you can remember, you always feel that you know, you clearly know that you remember, it is very close to you, it is in the corner, but there are some obstacles, like a block There, the name just doesn't come to mind—it might be the name of a very good friend of yours! You try your best, but it doesn't work, so you give up, you start reading the newspaper or smoking a cigarette, or you go for a walk in the garden, or you dig in the garden, and all of a sudden, the name pops out, like the The friend is standing there, the face is there. What exactly is going on?When you are trying, you have a tension, that tension becomes a barrier, that tension narrows that passage, that name wants to come out, that memory knocks, but that tension becomes a closure, that is Why do you think it's on your lips, it is!But because you are tense, worried about it, want to talk about it, so your anxiety becomes a lock, because when a mind becomes very eager, it closes instead. All that's beautiful and true only happens when you don't want it, all that's lovely only happens when you don't even wait for it - don't ask for it, because then , there is no hindrance in the mind, that's why when you forget about it, it happens. Effort is needed. At the beginning, effort is necessary. Although it is useless, it is still necessary. The futility of effort will gradually be understood. When you have glimpses, sudden glimpses, when you feel that you are not trying, and those glimpses fall on you like a gift from the divine, then you can give up trying, when you give up trying, There will be more and more gifts coming to you. In the East we have always believed, and quite rightly, that enlightenment is not like an achievement, it is like a grace, it is a gift which God gives to you and which you cannot take from His hand. For a Western aspirant this is difficult to understand, because in the West, in the last centuries, the whole human mind has become grabbing, you grab everything from nature.The secrets known to any science, they are not given, they are taken, and you violently force nature to open the doors of her mysteries. Because you are successful in material, you think the same can happen in divinity -- that is no way, that is impossible.You cannot attack heaven, you cannot go there with a bayonet, you cannot force divinity to open its heart to you, because whenever you force, you close, and that is the difficulty, whenever you force, You are closed, and if you are closed, divinity cannot be revealed to you. When you are not forcing, but just floating like a white cloud, just hanging out there.Not making any effort to get anywhere... when there is no goal, no effort, when you don't want to achieve anything, when you make no effort to achieve it, when you are happy as you are, when the world is like this In this way, you feel happy when you accept things as they are, you don't want to change anything, and suddenly you are brought into a different plane of existence, and you realize that the door was always open , they have never been closed, they cannot be closed!The mystery of divinity is always close to you, it is never far away, it cannot be far away, because you are part of divinity, and wherever you go, that mystery follows you. It is not a matter of finding or seeking, it is a matter of being still and letting it happen. When you pursue, you miss, because a pursuer is always violent.When you seek, it will not come to you, because a seeking mind is too occupied, it has no emptiness, it is never here and now, it is always somewhere in the future, when will find, what When the quest can be done, when the quest can end, it is always somewhere at the end, it is not here, the divinity is here, so you never meet, a seeker never arrives. That's not to say you shouldn't be a suitor, in the beginning you have to be a suitor, there's no other way, you have to go for it, you have to do whatever it takes.By making every effort to become a crazy pursuer, you will understand that it happens only when you are in a state of mind that is not seeking. Sometimes it comes to you while resting, sometimes it comes to you while sleeping, sometimes just walking down the street and it emerges, sometimes just watching the sunrise in the morning, what the heck Doing neither, just being a passive awareness, just watching the sun rise...or the moon shining on a lake in the cold night, or just a flower opening its petals and you are just a passive awareness, Just watching...because nothing is needed on your part.When a flower blooms, it doesn't need your help. There are some stupid people who will try to help, they will destroy the whole beauty of the flower, then the flower will never really open, even if you force it to open it will be a flower The closed flower, the flowering does not happen, it is forced, and whatever is forced never flowers. The sun does not need your help to rise, and there are those who think theirs does.Some people make a lot of trouble—a lot of trouble, because they think their help is needed everywhere. In real life, wherever real existence takes place, it doesn't need anyone's help, but it's hard to resist the temptation, because when you're helping, you feel like you're doing something, and when you're doing Something, you create the ego, when you do nothing, the ego cannot exist, when you are in a state of non-doing, the ego disappears. Watch the sun rise, watch the flower petals open, watch the moon shine on the lake, do nothing, and suddenly it will come down on you, and you will find that the whole existence is filled with divinity, you Your breath is divine. Use hard work to achieve no effort, use pursuit to achieve a state of no pursuit, and use mind to achieve no mind. There are two types of people, one of them, if you say "try hard", they will try hard, and then they will not allow no effort; All efforts will be abandoned.Both are wrong, and both have gone astray. This is the rhythm of life: work hard so that you can also not work hard; work hard so that you can also achieve a moment without tension awareness; run as fast as you can so that when you sit down, you can really sit Come down; do all you can in your effort, so that when you rest, you can really rest. You can be restless inside, you can lie on the ground, but the restlessness goes on inside, so you just lie down, but it is not a rest.You may be sitting like a buddha, but inside you there is a child running around -- the mind is always working, functioning.Inside you are crazy, but outside you are sitting in Buddha pose.You can be completely still, totally motionless, inactive on the outside, but inside, the commotion goes on and on, that is not going to help, end the commotion in the effort, run as fast as you can, Thirst with all your strength! So I emphasize to do dynamic meditation, which is both effort and non-effort, it is both activity and inactivity, it is both running and sitting meditation. Nanyin has insight into his disciple to see if he is beyond effort?See if he's reached No effort?See if consciousness has become very natural and spontaneous for him?See if he is no longer confused?See if he is like a clear blue sky?If so, he can become a master, he can be allowed to teach others. Whenever you want to teach someone, you have to remember this, if you want to say something to someone, you can only say it is "about" - about God, about awareness, let others know that you are still Not achieved, you heard it, you heard beautiful things, so you wanted to share, but you didn't achieve it, then you can be a help, not poison others. Always remember: if you don't know, say you don't know, never pretend, not even negatively, because you can keep silent and not say you haven't achieved it, and even that is bad , because in your silence, others may think that you know, you have to express clearly that you don't know, but you know that someone knows, you have heard of it. In India there are two scriptures, one is called "Shruti" and the other is called "Shumriti". Shumriti means memory and Shumriti means that which is heard.That document called Shumliti belongs to those who know themselves, that is their own, they are stating their own memory, they are stating their own experience; and Shurti is the second kind of document, It's from people who have been lucky enough to have been close to people who know, they've heard. Always remember this: if you've heard it, say it's something you've heard.It is so beautiful, even if it is only heard, it can become your wealth, even if it is only heard, it can touch your heart, and you will want to share it, but this is only among friends Sharing, you are not claiming to be a master, it is just an act of love, it is just sharing your happiness, you are not sharing awareness. Unless you have achieved, unless you have achieved, unless it becomes your own, don't lead others, that is violent.When you have achieved, your being becomes a guide. This disciple who came to Zen Master Nanyin went wrong at the beginning, because if he was ready, Nanyin would definitely call him, and he didn't have to decide: Now that the 10 years of practice have been completed, I have to teach others.Such a notion is wrong.When the disciple is ready, the master must know before him, because the master's observation of you is more subtle than your observation of yourself. The master will even follow you into your dreams, he is like a shadow, always observing what is happening, whether you are aware of his observation or not, you will not be aware of it, because it is a very important thing. delicate matter. Whenever a disciple is ready, the master will call him and tell him: now you can go!There is no need for the disciple to speak, and if the disciple decides to speak, it means he is not ready -- the ego is still there. The disciple wants to be a master, every disciple thinks this way, and that very thought becomes an obstacle. 10 years is over, he must have been calculating, he must be a very calculating man, otherwise who would remember?What is the use of living with a master if you cannot lose track of time?What else do you have to forget?What are you in a hurry for? This disciple is not surrendering, he is just waiting, calculating, that arithmetic and logic is still there, he has a fixed attitude towards things, he knows the history of the monastery, he knows about 10 years, when the disciple is ready, he You can teach others. But it depends on the situation, not every disciple will be ready in 10 years, some disciples will not be ready in 10 births, and some disciples will be ready in 10 seconds.It is not mechanical, it depends on the quality and strength of the disciple's consciousness.Sometimes it happens that as soon as the master looks at him, the disciple is ready.If he is open, if there is no hindrance, if he is surrendered, then one moment is enough, not even one moment is needed, that happens timelessly. But if you're counting, and you're wondering when it's going to happen?I've been waiting a long time, it's been a year, then another year, then 10 years, I've been waiting and nothing's happening... If you've been calculating in your head, you're in waste time. The disciple has to drop the consciousness of time, time belongs to the ego, time belongs to the mind, and meditation is timeless. The disciple came to the master just to say: 10 years of practice is done, where should I go now?Where should I go now to teach others?I'm ready because 10 years have passed.No one has ever been prepared in that way, and that's why the master has to ask questions just to make the disciple feel his own stupidity. Zen masters are difficult to deal with. They are direct and penetrating. They will embarrass you. For a big disciple who has been waiting for 10 years, ask such a question, where do you put your shoes?Right or left, what kind of question is this? What kind of master is he who asks such a question to a great disciple? This is not a question of metaphysics, you can't find out more trivial questions, you can't find out more mundane questions-asking where the shoes are made.He should ask questions about God, that disciple must have ready answers; he should ask questions about heaven and hell, that disciple must have ready answers, that disciple must have his whole head full of answers, that's why He has wasted 10 years reading, studying, all the classics must be very familiar to him, he is ready!Master can ask any question. Remember: if you approach an enlightened person, he never asks a question that you can answer, it is not a question to answer.It is a matter of responding with the whole person. Master asked such a useless question: where do you put your shoes?The disciple's whole metaphysics must have been shattered, and he must have been wondering: what kind of man is he...?I am here, fully ready, all the answers are waiting there, no matter what kind of question you ask, I can answer, even if the Buddha has not answered, I will answer, I know all the books and all The classics, I have read everything, I have studied all the classics, and I remember them all. He was well prepared, but the man was asking for shoes!This person is really asking a question that cannot be answered, because for such a question, you can't prepare in advance, it is completely unpredictable. The disciple is hesitant, hesitation is his reaction, hesitation shows everything about that disciple, hesitation means he is not aware, otherwise hesitation is impossible, you will act immediately!If he had a police force, he should have done something immediately, he should have reacted in a very total way, but he got stuck in his head - doubts, hesitation, confusion. The story is beautiful.When Westerners first came into contact with Zen, they couldn't believe what these Zen masters were doing and asking—all asking ridiculous things.You ask a master a question, he will respond, no Zen master will give you an answer, he will respond. There was a seeker, a philosophical seeker, who came to Master Bu Keyou.He asked Bukyo, what is that way?Bu Keyou looked at the nearby mountains and said: These mountains are beautiful. This seems ridiculous!Because he is asking: What is that path?But Bukeyu said: These mountains are beautiful. Disappointed, the suitor left immediately, and Bukyo smiled beautifully.A disciple said: Master, that person must think you are crazy.One of the two of us must be mad, said Boucyo.Or he is crazy... because the path cannot be asked, you have to go through it, and in the experience, the path can be discovered, it is not just there, so I can't say it There, it's not like a highway that's ready there waiting for you to come and walk across it.There is no way like this, otherwise all must have arrived long ago.If that path has been prepared, everyone must have experienced it. That path is created through your experience, it is not there waiting for you, it is created as soon as you start experiencing it, it comes from you, just like a cobweb comes from a spider, it comes through What came through you, you create it, then you go through it, you go through it, then you create it, and you have to remember, that path disappears with you, so no one else can go Going through that path, it cannot be borrowed. That's why Master said: It cannot be asked, only a stupid person would ask such a question: What is that path?You are that way! Then the disciple asked: I understand that, but why are you talking about mountains?The Master said, the Master has to talk about mountains, because unless you cross those mountains, you cannot find the way.Beyond those mountains is the way, and those mountains are so beautiful that no one wants to cross them.Those mountains are fascinating, hypnotic, and everyone gets lost in the mountains, but the way is on the other side of the mountains. A master will respond, he will hit your real needs, he will not worry about your problems, your problems may or may not be relevant, but you are always relevant.He'll see you, he'll hit you, but rational people always miss answers like this.