Chapter 45 four or five family

Let's start with a big question that can be imagined, is it possible to maintain a life in the world without the form of a family?This question is very complex.For example, in theory, individuals would be equally able to live and races would be equally able to continue without the form of the family.In this way, it is between wanting and not wanting, and it does not mean that we are not allowed to choose.The truth is that there used to be such options.Going abroad and looking for examples in anthropology, you can find, although there are not many, let alone.Even within the country, it is not unique. The Taiping Heavenly Kingdom captured Nanjing and established a men’s and women’s hall. It was a bold attempt; It's a timid attempt.In the end, they all failed, and the reason is that people do not have the ability to abandon the old (lifestyle) and start anew in an instant.People who believe in superstition and fantasy can also testify that Hong Xiuquan, Yang Xiuqing and others did not live in the men's and women's halls, but ate in the public cafeteria.Therefore, jumping from theory (or fantasy) to reality, we should admit that, at least for now, we have no ability to choose, because no matter how well we think, how gaudy our words are, we still cannot I don't go to my own home to eat and live.And so, when it comes to family here, it’s best to be humble, accept the reality willingly, and don’t want to do it.

Yes, obviously because it's useful, or rather useful.The great use begins when the body is still ignorant and ignorant.That is to say, the birth is at home (new and advanced ones go to the hospital, and the family must come forward to send them in).After that, I was not free from the arms of my parents for three years, that is, I had to eat, drink, sleep, and have to stay within the house.After that, or until I can earn food independently, I have to rely on this family.Even more profound than these are family influences.One is the way of life, or occupation, the ancients were even worse, it was the bow that the bowman used to be the bow; although there are fewer such restrictions in modern times, it is still not easy for the vast majority of people to jump or leapfrog.The reason is, as the saying goes, relying on mountains to eat mountains, relying on water to eat water, such as being born in a farmer's family, also working in agriculture, pushing the boat along the river, without any effort, but turning a hoe into a book, there are many difficulties.Some professional ones, such as in the past, Wang Xizhi was good at calligraphy, and his son Wang Xianzhi became a master. In modern times, Mei Lanfang sang Danjiao and married, and his son Mei Baojiu also walked on this road. People who were not born in such a family, walk The same road is not easy.The second influence is the ideological character.This means that, from the understanding and evaluation of all things, to liking this or disliking that, they all follow the train of thought of the family.The third influence is many trivial things in life, such as basic necessities of life, food, housing, and transportation, which become natural after habit, and unknowingly, act according to the old frame of the family.Summarizing the above three aspects, we can even say that in life, becoming such a person instead of becoming that person, the structure, direction, most, or part of it varies from person to person and is determined by the family.

After building a family, the usefulness, rich content, long time, and clear feelings will far exceed those before building a family.Speaking from the bottom to the top, first, the family is a mixed economic unit, which means that income is an account and expenditure is an account.The economic activities of income and expenditure are symbols, and its meaning is the specific situation of daily life, whether it is high or low, good or bad, all are blessed and sinful.In this way, the ups and downs of the family are integrated with the joys and sorrows of the body. It is no wonder that almost everyone has devoted themselves to the family.Second, the family is a solid mutual aid unit.This unit included many people in the old days, but now it includes few people. No matter how many people there are, they all form a mutual aid relationship regardless of interests.Among them, the most prominent is the mutual help relationship between husband and wife, parents, and children. Most of them are purely out of love, so they are the most reliable.Obviously, in this world, at least sometimes, it is difficult to live without mutual assistance: thirdly, the family is also the place where love is placed.This has been mentioned earlier, the relationship must lead to marriage, and marriage is the establishment of a family.After the establishment of a family, the relationship may seem to be hidden in a cupboard, it is not obvious, or even less passionate, but after all, it is hidden, not empty.If there is no such home, the relationship can naturally be settled, but it will not be so obvious.Fourth, family can make people feel dependent.There are various situations, or encounters, in life.It is possible to be proud and strong.But it may not always be possible, that is to say, at least sometimes, it may be that the body is weak, powerless, or sitting behind closed doors at home, while persecution comes from outside.Misfortune cannot be avoided, but if there is a reconciled family, the pain can be alleviated.This kind of situation makes people (especially the elderly and sick) feel that even if they have to face adversity, there is still warmth in the world. This is the greatest comfort, even if it is only psychological. Displacement is a great hardship, and even the hotel advertises that it feels like home (home).

There are still two issues that need to be said about this family that can settle down and live. From the perspective of history.One is great or small.In the past, it was biased towards big, and most of them preferred to be big.There are five generations living together, and four generations living together in the same house. The elderly inside are proud and outsiders praise them.Is that really commendable?This problem is not simple.To maintain a large family depends on certain conditions.One is to have a living environment that is suitable for cooperation. For example, if a family cultivates a hundred acres of farmland together, then the combination ratio will be more convenient.The other is mutual tolerance in terms of self-cultivation. Without this, harmony will become a source of quarrels, and it will be difficult to maintain harmony. ．Another is the closeness of hobbies and living conditions. Otherwise, some people will feel that they have suffered a disadvantage, and some people will find it difficult to understand, so it is difficult to maintain a large scale.The fact is that with the advancement of the times, such conditions have become less and less, so in the past century, the situation has taken a sharp turn, and even the countryside has changed from large to small.Are there advantages and disadvantages to being small?Not at all, because.If, as mentioned above, the family is regarded as a combination of mutual assistance, it is required to be able to truly assist each other.Too few people is not as good as slightly more people.It’s just that children, sickness, and old age are inevitable in almost every family. In the past, the big ones can be roughly solved without much effort (grandma holding a grandson without spending a penny is one example); now it is difficult to become small.Therefore, if conditions such as housing and tolerance are met, for example, three generations (the second child, the second child, the youngest or the first child) live together, each doing their best, sharing joys and sorrows, and the living conditions may be more like those of swallows. If they can fly, they will build a new nest. better?Another question is whether it is better to be fixed or to flow.In the past, I tended to be fixed, and I was willing to be fixed.The ideology of Liu Bang's grandpa and grandfather can be used as a representative. The son has made a fortune and is the emperor. He has to move.The same is true for ordinary civilians, who regard leaving their hometown as a great suffering.It is also the advancement of the times, and both things and hearts are changing.It is said that the United States is also taking the lead. People like to move the most, and they may change their residences every year.We, the city, seem to be catching up. We live in the east of the city with a two-bedroom unit and a three-bedroom apartment in the west. We move without hesitation.Is this good?Hard to say.In my opinion, if there is a choice between movement and stillness, and you have the freedom to choose, then it is better to move less. The reasons are first, it can save money and effort, and second, if there is also a chance to chant "The little one leaves home and the old one returns". , Looking at the old gate from afar, caressing the old tree up close, is always a rare situation in life, right?

The above mentioned is the necessary aspect of how the family is. Is there any opposite situation?I remember that Yuan Hongdao, a literati of the Public Security School in the Ming Dynasty, once said sarcastic words, "Walk through the thorns like tattered clothes, worrying about every step".Regardless of whether what he said was real or not, if it was extended to everyone, there would naturally be concerns.This is because one of them wants to take a certain path, but walking will definitely hinder the stability of the family. As far as the person who wants to take a certain path is concerned, the family will become a hindrance.There are many situations; mild and severe.Just to put it seriously, it is to see through the world of mortals and become a monk, to destroy the family to relieve difficulties, and to rebel failure to harm the whole family.In such a situation, how should we look at the family?My thoughts can be compared with back pain. It hurts, causes troubles, and becomes a burden. In case of pain, the back is useful after all and cannot be separated for a moment.Finally, let's talk about the breakup of the family.There is not only one kind of separation, such as the so-called separation of two places in Xinfeng, or upgrading, and leaving the house; here we only talk about the frequent one, divorce.This is also an imported product. Women in the old days had no autonomy, only abandoned but not divorced.There are different reasons for divorce. Judging from the situation of more young people and younger people, it can be summed up that both parties, or one party, feel that if they continue to cooperate, they will suffer more and enjoy less, and if they divide, they will gain more and lose less.There is a difference in the degree of this feeling, the shallow one is unpleasant, and the deep one is unbearable.Shallow, deep, which situation can be separated?Hard to say.Reluctantly speaking, I can only say some empty words that are close to principle.One of the principles is to discuss the matter as it stands, or in other words, weigh the pros and cons of many aspects for different people, and then make a decision.The second principle is to be prudent and not to be rash. To be more specific, if you have the idea of ​​divorce, you must endure it and seek harmony first, and then make up your mind when it is a last resort.The third principle is that the grounds for incompatibility should be conclusive and solid, so as to avoid mistakes (marriage) and then mistakes (divorce).The fourth principle is to deal with children, property and other issues with reason, generosity and understanding after careful consideration and inseparability.In short, divorce is a tragic matter after all, and it is inevitable to avoid it.After divorce, very few still have the theory of remarriage, is that good?In my opinion, I should be more cautious, because the distance is like a wound, which can be healed, but the scar is hard to get rid of.