Chapter 44 four four marriage

Marriage has been regarded as a major event in life in ancient and modern times.Big, because the impact on life is too far-reaching.It is far-reaching and limited to one's own body. It is closely related to this matter that the joys and sorrows of a lifetime are closely related.It can also be expanded beyond one's own body. The ancients clearly said that it is to continue cigarettes (to put it simply, it is to pass on the seed); today people seldom say it clearly, but some hope to have more children, and some birth control, but enshrine the birth as a small ancestor, which is equivalent to Indirectly, the continuation of cigarettes is a super big deal.So marriage becomes a big deal.But we also need to know that marriage becomes a major event, which is determined by the life style of society.This means that without the form of marriage, people can live and cigarettes can continue.Yes, but why does society meddle in its own business?For more than one thing.One is to change the ease of the union of men and women into solemnity. Obviously, this will be of great benefit to personal life and social order.Second, marriage is the foundational form of the family. At least until now, the family is still the most basic unit of society. Therefore, without marriage, the foundation of modern society will be shaken.Third, derived from the organization of the family, the connotative influence is the establishment of an integrated economic relationship. As the saying goes, the blessings are shared, and the sins are shared; the influence is extroverted, which excludes outsiders from entering the relationship between the sexes according to laws and customs. .Fourth, the influence also extends to the behind. One party to the marriage leaves this world first, and the handling of property and debts must be based on the marital relationship.So all in all, marriage has the most extensive influence on a child's life.

It is important to pay attention to it.Emphasis is knowledge, performance is action, how to deal with it?The principle is easy to say, it is prudent, and it is suitable for all aspects.It is very difficult to do it specifically.In detail, this great difficulty can be divided into two parts: one is how to determine and what conditions are suitable; the other is assuming that it can be determined, where to find it.Superstition in the old age is not without its benefits. It is to leave this problem to the old man under the moon to solve it. He imagines that the old man has insight and sees clearly.It's a pity that the red silk is invisible, and the old man under the moon is even more uncertain. It is necessary to combine it with reality. There are two ways, one is self-selection, the other is someone else's choice; or both methods are combined.In the old days, there was no convenience for dual use, because ladies can only show in the boudoir, and men or talented men without clairvoyant skills have no chance to see them.So you have to rely on the words of the matchmaker, and then the orders of your parents.The matchmaker's words are inevitably adulterated, at least they say good things.As for the parents, there were no photographs or videos at that time, and the only prudent method available was that, apart from being about the same age, they had to be in the same family. As for the more important conditions, such as physical appearance, personality, ability, etc., they had to be left to chance.This must not be happy (bias refers to the subjective)?Not necessarily, because first, "a man and a woman live in a room where people's great desires exist"; second, the combination of a man and a woman, for example, the percentage of opportunities, if it was more than 90% in the past, it should not be less than 100% today. If it is fifty, then it is exactly as old master Meng said, laughing at a hundred steps with fifty steps; and three, it is suitable for heaven and earth, what it looks like, whether it exists in the world, probably only God knows.

The new form of falling in love first and then combining is to increase autonomy and reduce opportunism, so that manpower can overcome nature, and of course it can be regarded as a catch-up.Can you be happy if you live on the top?Not necessarily.The reason is that the natural power is too great, and manpower is limited after all.Look at the power of nature first.First, happiness and ideal happiness are a natural pair, a man with talent like Cao Zhi and appearance like Pan An (legendary, the same below), and a woman with talent like Xie Daowen and appearance like Xi Shi, and the real red silk holding hands , really become a couple, but is there really such a perfect person in the world?Second, take a step back and only seek actual happiness. Both men and women are not perfect, but they are perfect together. This, at least to find examples from reality, is not easy.Third, when talking about "opportunity", I have already said that it is only by chance that A man can meet Otome. How many possibilities are there that are completely suitable?Fourth, it is also destiny, easy to be emotional, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, reason is squeezed and retreated, and the possibility of being completely suitable is even smaller.However, with the new permission to do our best, after all, it is more likely that the parties involved in the past will not participate, and they will agree.For example, if it is the lowest, the shortcomings of physical appearance cannot be hidden; or if it is slightly higher, it can roughly understand the situation of the mind, so it is a big step forward with the goal of being suitable.It is not absolutely impossible to get more, so that it is at least close to the appropriate goal, but there are conditions, which are opportunity and reason.The opportunity is good, it is a coincidence to meet a suitable one, just a small rational calculation, and it will be seamless.The best chance is to have the opportunity to get to know more opposite sexes who are likely to become family members. Allow rational calculation and careful calculation, and finally choose a more suitable one.Let’s talk about the latter condition of reason, which is theoretically within human power, but in practice is often outside human power.Why?It is natural to intervene in trouble in the form of lust.Specifically speaking, lust can make people blind, and they regard what is not suitable as suitable, that is, what is usually called love at first sight, does not allow reason to participate, and carefully calculates and calculates.Some people even say that true love must be blind, and calculating interests is not true love.As a narrative fact, this statement is probably correct; but it is also true that subjective good things can become bad things without reason and pure lust.Therefore, in order to have a happy or relatively happy marriage, one should refrain from doing what is difficult, let reason participate, and make plans on some important conditions.The conditions are as follows.One of the most important is character.This is generally speaking from the aspect of ideals; there are naturally many things in the world that are far from ideals, so like attracts like, which is another matter, which will not be discussed here.Character, there is no high opinion of humility, it is used to treat others with loyalty and forgiveness, the opposite is self-interest first, and does not hesitate to harm others.Obviously, if ideals are valued, this condition must be satisfied and cannot be accommodated.The second is physical (including health) appearance. To put it bluntly, you can't fall in love at first sight, or even worse, if you feel unhappy, it must be inappropriate.The third is thinking (if you see something that is more related).It is often said that like-mindedness refers to this aspect, and of course it cannot be ignored. For example, one is aggressive and the other is conservative. Regardless of who is right and who is wrong, they often argue endlessly, and it is difficult to live together.The fourth is character, or temper.Compared with character and thoughts, this is like a small section, but as time goes by, smallness can become larger, lightness can become heavy, and even worse, water and fire will be incompatible, so we must consider it carefully.The fifth is ability.Although there is a lack of natural resources and the requirements should not be too high, if we want to live together, we must take into account the material conditions of life. The acquisition of such conditions depends on certain abilities, so it is still necessary to make some calculations.The sixth is living habits.This refers to the smaller details, such as smoking, getting up late, and what you like to eat. It seems irrelevant, but it will also become the source of rebellion, so it is best not to let it go when calculating.All the above calculations are based on the present and look far away, which requires calmness.Can you calm down in the heat of love?Another remedy is to listen to relatives and friends more.But listening can only come from calmness, so success or failure, it is still difficult for reason to completely decide.

Fortunately, people live a busy life, and they are used to accepting the same doctrine for many big and small things they experience, so marriage cannot be perfect.It doesn't matter too much.But this will lead to a question, which is: Since it is rare to be happy, can this form be avoided?Theoretically, it is not impossible, for example, if you still want to have a romantic relationship, you still need to have a male-female living room, and throwing away such a social contract may not cause too much harm to the continuation of the race.It's not just a theory, it is said that trendy young people abroad really do this.But it can be inferred that if people who do this become the majority, there will be major changes in the stable relationship between men and women, the family, and even the whole society, and it will definitely cause many headaches.Therefore, based on the principle that one movement is worse than one stillness, if you are not very sure about such major issues that are related to the joys and sorrows of life and social order, it is better to take the path of reformism.

Then you have to have this form.After that, there are two small practical issues, which I will also discuss here.One is after adulthood, it is better to marry early or later.It's not easy to conclude with one word, because, from the perspective of satisfying the requirements of a relationship, at least it might as well be earlier; but from the perspective of personal burden (including family burden and childcare burden) and career future (mainly academic) It's better to be late than early.How to decide specifically, it seems that these two aspects should be taken into consideration and discussed as it stands.Another question is which is preferable between big and small moves.Daju includes two things: one is the layout of the residence and the clothes on the body, which must follow the fashion, high-end, and everything that one expects to find; the other is the wedding ceremony, which requires a large banquet and a full house of guests.The small thing is that these are all avoidable, at least downgraded.I think it's still a good idea.There are many reasons, which can be summarized as two kinds of things and hearts.Things can be consumed less. If the person concerned is not rich, then in addition to less consumption, there are also great advantages, which are less worry, less distress, and more income in terms of heart or spirit. There is no such thing as a negative aspect. Conforming with the customs of the times, the positive aspect reflects the supremacy of love, just like the legendary Liang Hong and Meng Guang.

Finally, let me talk about how we should look at celibacy, which is the opposite of marriage.Celibacy has different circumstances.Buddhists worthy of the name and monks, the purpose is to get rid of the sea of ​​suffering by extinguishing lust.For non-Buddhists, there are also those who stick to celibacy.Most of them are celibate and not chaste, that is, those who are often said to be high or low.These, because everyone has the freedom to decide how to live their own lives, it is difficult for us to express opinions.If I have to say a few words, I can only say that we are ordinary people. From the eyes of ordinary people, although the act of fighting alone is admirable, it is too difficult.