Chapter 43 four three romance

Romance refers to a strong feeling of wanting to be close and united with the opposite sex.The opposite sex is mentioned here because we want to only talk about normality and not abnormality; if we also talk about abnormality, then same-sex romances can also occur.Romance is a kind of affection, perhaps the strongest kind.Why is it the strongest?Let me talk about the nature of intercession first.Children want sweets, if they get it, they laugh;Love is a state of mind, which comes from "wanting".Want, usually called "desire", is the root; emotion comes from desire, which is the psychological clarification of desire.Clearness, so it is active and powerful; this power is manifested as charging for the satisfaction of desire.In this way, if according to Buddhist thinking, desire is regarded as undesirable, then emotion will become a force that assists evildoers.If you want, ask, and love, you will come to cheer immediately. The way is to be distressed if you don't have it, even to the point of unbearable suffering.In this way, it is a metaphor for love to act mischievously, and desire becomes the master.So we have to ask further, what is desire.Xunzi said, "People are born with desires", and they are born with desires, so it is difficult to ask why.Just as "The Doctrine of the Mean" said, "the destiny is called nature", big and fate, what's going on, naturally only God knows.We can now say that it is less mysterious, it is the essence of life (seeking outside the body based on oneself) that is the case, one cannot ask for nothing in life, and what one wants is what one wants, and it is not much better.So I have to go back to Xunzi, admit that life has desires, don't ask the reason, don't ask the value, and accept the matter.Desire is desire, the root of love, what is desire?It's a pity that here we can only reduce people who are self-confident as the spirits of all things to the same group as birds and beasts (or lower, insects and plants). When the dead threads are exhausted, the wax torch turns into ashes and tears dry." That's fine.Seeing the inside story through the flesh and blood is just for "spreading seeds".Why is seed propagation so important?On the premise of acknowledging that "destiny is sex", I remember that a western philosopher once said that the continuation of race is more important than anything else in life, so individuals have to do everything they can to complete this task. If love fails, it means that this task cannot be completed , would rather commit suicide.If this understanding is correct, then it can be further imagined that beauty and a variety of desirable things are just bait for the continuation of the race, and people take the bait on their own initiative without realizing it.I worked behind closed doors, reduced racial life to personal life, and said that because life is bound to die, but I still insisted on "the great virtue of heaven and earth is life", I had to take a step back and use the method of passing on seeds in order to continue life.What's the point of continuation?We can't know, but fate against the sky is always too difficult, so we have to admit that "men and women live in a room, and people's great desires exist", that is to say, when the emotion is forced to be released, it will be released and found. The opposite sex entrusts love.

What I said above is the way to check my background, or to ask more about the objective essence and less about the subjective impression.The so-called subjective impression is the feeling and thinking in the mind of the person concerned, which is often far from the essential purpose, and even in a certain period, it really becomes Platonic.This is what is commonly referred to as pure love, regardless of wealth, status, or even appearance, as long as they can get close and united, even if the world suddenly disappears because of this, they can be satisfied.This subjectivity has a lot of fantasies, fantasies, untruths, there is no problem; is it not good?I don't think there is anything wrong with it, because if we say that people's life is a mixture of the outside world and the heart, this love environment should be counted as the most precious and rare, so it is worth cherishing.Cherishing, of course, still starts from one's own feelings; as for jumping outside oneself, with rational eyes, you will see many situations worth thinking twice.

Let's start with the positive side.One situation is that lovers finally become dependents.That attitude will have a good effect. The reasons are reasonable. First, the two parties have a deeper understanding. After the combination, the chances of getting along are much greater; Mengying, this aftertaste alone is also a precious enjoyment.The reason and the fact are that in the old days, men and women were married according to the order of their parents and the words of the matchmaker. Before the marriage, there was almost no romantic relationship. Floating account, the loss is too great.

There is also a situation where lovers fail to become relatives because of some setbacks.There is a difference in the degree of affection between sentient beings.The elegance in several aspects, the impression is not bad, and the passage of time, gradually fading or even forgetting, can be ignored here.What I want to talk about is that the relationship is very strong, and they are willing to combine but fail to combine. This will bring intense pain, how to deal with it?If the person involved is not a person who is too forgetful, it is impossible to cut through the mess quickly and turn suffering into non-bitterness.We must seek to dilute in forbearance.Help is available.Generally speaking, as time passes, the shadow will gradually become closer and farther away, and the degree of suffering will also decrease accordingly.On the one hand, you can use rational analysis to convince yourself that opportunities will play with anyone, and that happiness and frustration are normal; on the other hand, you can use the method of changing circumstances to empathize.There are big changes, as is common in the world, some people move from Jiangnan to Mobei, and there are small changes, such as changing from writing poems to studying a certain science, the purpose is to disrupt the original order of life and make the memory go from place to place. Brightness turned into fuzzy.In this way, time and methods will finally show their power, and the suffering will gradually fade to little or even no.But the past of the relationship is true, how should we treat it?It can be forgotten, which is the Taoist way.In the eyes of a poet, it should not be, because this is the most precious wealth in life, and it should not only be preserved, but also used.How to use it?My thoughts can be learned from the spirit of modern poets and poets, or written, or borrowed to recite, such as "this feeling can be remembered, but it was already at a loss at that time", the old dream when the head is white and the beauty is more beautiful than the old dream. Reading novels and watching plays, and weeping with the created characters, the meaning is far more profound, right?

Besides, on the contrary, love affairs will also bring some unsatisfactory or difficult problems to deal with.One is that it is always blind, and the result of blindness is random walking, which naturally makes it easy to fall.The terrible thing is that this blindness also comes from destiny.As mentioned earlier, because the transmission of seeds is more important than everything else, Xi Shi is easy to appear in the eyes of beholders.In other words, we meet each other and love each other, even if the time is not very short, and emotion overshadows rationality. For the opposite sex in the eyes, we only see the advantages and not the disadvantages.The conditions that should be paid attention to in order to get married, such as whether they are in the right family (referring to age, status, ability, etc.), whether their personality, hobbies, beliefs, etc. are compatible, are all ignored.Being blinded by love affairs in this way is obvious, and the result must be that after the combination, hidden problems will follow one after another.Many problems are caused by blindness. Is there a way to turn blindness into eyesight?In theory, you should use reason to deal with love; but in reality, you are often unreasonable when you are in love.That is to say, it is difficult to seek eyesight.However, for the sake of actual profit, it is not appropriate to retreat in spite of difficulties, so we still have to deal with dead horses as living horses.The medicines available are mainly imported, among which there are social environments, such as more opportunities to meet the opposite sex, which will bring comparisons, and comparisons will bring calmness, which opens a small door for rational intervention. Sex can also be reduced.In addition to the environment, the teachings of the elders (including parents, teachers, etc.) and friends will also play a role; if it can work, it is always good, because the bystanders can clearly see.But we must also know that external power can only show its power through internal channels, so even though the nature of love is often unreasonable, in order to reduce its blindness, we still have to advise people who are blind because of love, at least know , Only in this case is it more necessary to be rational.

The second is that love will lead to the conflict of life and exclusiveness, and the result will be trouble and pain.Guangsheng does not only have a love affair with one person. The novel character Jia Baoyu can be used as a typical representative. He loves Bao and Dai, but he also loves Xiangling and Pinger.When you see a desirable opposite sex, you will be emotional, especially men, and it also comes from "the destiny is called sex". Whether you welcome it or not, it is powerful and hard to resist.It's a pity that they want to monopolize at the same time. Taking the characters in the novel as an example, Lin Daiyu can be a typical representative. If she can't get Baoyu, she can't live.Many tragedies in life, in men and women, in men and women, spring out of this conflict.what to do?The radical solution is to change "destiny is called nature", for example, only one of the two is left, and the conflict will naturally disappear.But man's victory over nature is only an ideal after all, at least there must be a limit, so it is still impossible to rely on the sky.What can I do by myself?The method that has been used and is still being used is system plus morality, which will create a binding force.Restraint is not eradication, that is to say, power is limited.However, if we can't change the "mandate of heaven" and can't think of other effective ways, then we have to admit that limited power is better than no power at all.

The third, generally speaking, is bigger, that love is often accompanied by suffering.The most obvious suffering is when you are emotional and the other party is unwilling to accept it, or if you accept it but the lover fails to become a family member.The most obvious suffering is that you are emotional and the future is uncertain, so you worry about gains and losses, so that you can't sleep or eat; or the future is promising but you can't get together often.There are many hardships in life. : Some come from nature, such as floods and droughts (famine), earthquakes and the like.Some are caused by man-made disasters, such as wars and political persecution.Compared with this kind of great suffering, the suffering that comes with being in love should probably be ranked first. The reason is that first, almost everyone has a share; second, it is the most unbearable.Therefore, Buddhism regards lust as the great enemy, and must use the method of eliminating it in order to be free from suffering.This idea is quite beautiful in the eyes of logic, because killing lust is to draw fire from the bottom of the pot.It's a pity that ordinary people can only see with the naked eye, so even if they can clearly see the source of suffering, they have no choice but to accept it, because in reality, they have no power to let go of love.But suffering is always unwelcome. Is there any way to get rid of it?Reluctant to find, it is Taoist.It can also be divided into upper, middle and lower.It is uniquely blessed.Zhuangzi said, "Those who have deep desires (addictions) have deep secrets." If you think, or see, there are deep secrets in the world, then you will meet desires without being emotional, and your heart is like still water, or at most it is clear and ripples, and there will be no big ones. If there are waves, there will be no great suffering.The middle class uses the Tao mind to control the ordinary mind, like Zhuangzi singing on the drums of the bereavement of his wife, so-called letting it be natural.The best road is still the destiny of heaven, and naturally it cannot be controlled by human beings.In the middle, the heart of Dao comes from people, but it is too difficult after all.It seems that the only easy way to go is the inferior one, which is "knowing what to do and being content with life", in the words of Confucianism, it is forbearance.Isn't that bad?It's not that it can't be said to be good, because it is said to the destiny.This is tactful resistance, and when it comes to human affairs, it is treating people with forgiveness, so Zhuangzi added a sentence immediately after "knowing what to do and being content with life", which is "the ultimate virtue".There is nothing better than this.Is it possible to be pessimistic to regard helplessness as the ultimate virtue?Then there is still a way to go, which is for ordinary people, don't ask the bottom line, don't count gains and losses, but be content with "the belt is getting wider and you will not regret it, and you will make people haggard for Yixiao".