Chapter 21 a melancholy youth

From the window of my classroom, I saw my classmate Binjun sitting under the opposite tree, reading a book with his head down; he was the only one in this vast and quiet courtyard, and the scenery outside the window was familiar to us, and there was nothing to pay attention to. My thoughts drifted unconsciously to him. He has a very lively personality, talking and laughing on weekdays, and he doesn't show any sadness easily.In the past year, I suddenly tended to be melancholy and quiet.The classmates were very surprised, because I spent the longest time with him, so they often asked about me, but I really didn't know.

At this time, I went down the porch and walked towards him. He slowly raised his head, saw me, and smiled and said, "Don't you have homework?" I said, "Yes, I saw you sitting alone. Here, so I came to talk to you." He made room for me to sit down, put the book aside by himself, looked up at the white clouds in the sky, and after a while slowly said: "Today's The weather is dreary!" I agreed, and couldn't help laughing at his lonely attitude.He asked, "Why are you laughing?" I said, "I remembered something, so I laughed." He asked nonchalantly, "What is it?"

I laughed and said: "Students say that you are a little special recently, as if you are an 'outsider', I think..." He asked calmly: "Why do you see it?" I regretted it at this time, but I have already said this , I had to say it again, and said: "It's just that it looks lonely and quiet, it's nothing—" He stared at the sky without saying a word, like a stone statue. After a long time, he suddenly asked me, "Is there any difference between a melancholy person and a pessimist?" When I was asked by him, I couldn't answer for a moment, so I asked back, "What do you think?" He said : "I don't really know the difference, but I think most of the pessimists are after they have experienced the world deeply, they regard everything in the world as discouraged and hopeless, and their thoughts and behaviors tend to be negative. Melancholy is the beginning of entering the world, observing the world His thoughts tend to be melancholic about everything in life. However, in his career, he is actively proceeding." I listened and pondered for a while, and then said, "That's...maybe that's the way to say it." He stared at me and said : "In this way, my classmates say that I am a pessimist, which is wrong." I couldn't help laughing and said: "But you can hear a little bit of what they criticize you." He sneered and said: "Why don't you listen? They even asked me personally, in fact, a person’s attitude has changed, and of course there is his reason, so why make a fuss and speculate.” I said, “It’s just that you might as well tell them so that they don’t ask questions.” He smiled and said: "Actually, it's okay to talk about it, but...but it's not worth the trouble to talk to them one by one in detail." I said, "Can you tell me about it?" He said, "Of course it's possible."

After a while, he said: "In the past, we could say that we were all children. No matter what happened, from a childish point of view, it was not a problem, and there was nothing wrong with it. It can be said that he suddenly realized. Everything in front of me has problems and is full of problems.For example: 'Why me? '—'Why am I alive? '—'Why study? 'Down to dressing, eating, talking, and doing things; problems arose.In the past, the answer was: 'To live is to live' - 'study is to study' - 'to eat is to eat'.It can be said that they have no real outlook on life and do not know the meaning of life. ——Now is to understand the meaning of life, to create my outlook on life, and to solve all problems.All my thoughts are devoted to this, so naturally I don't have time to chat and laugh, no wonder you say I look like an 'outsider'. "

I said, "Even if you are thinking about solving all the problems, you don't need to be depressed all day long." He raised his head to look at me and said, "It's strange again, you can't see this! All the problems in the world are connected. To solve personal problems, you have to study family problems and social problems. Problems. To solve the problems in front of you, you need to investigate the facts of the past and imagine the future situation.——Thousands of thoughts, like chaos, surround the front, back, left, and right, how can you not be irritable? And 'no If you go to hell, you can’t rescue the people in hell’. ——’If you don’t lose your life, you can’t gain life’. Just don’t think about problems, don’t ask questions. Instead of worrying and melancholy. Let’s not mention the bigger things, such as the slaves in the neighbor’s house being abused, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law fighting; the coachman running around all day, unable to support the family; ;A five-year-old girl, hugging her two-year-old little sister. That kind of ignorance, pain, and out-of-school appearance, after careful inspection, is really sad and tragic, and the sadness comes from it. Besides, in terms of spirit, my own thoughts Whether it is enough to solve these problems is one thing; in terms of material, whether one's current status, strength, and knowledge can solve these problems is another matter. How can one not be depressed after repeated reflection!"

I listened intently to this, and couldn't help saying solemnly: "Your depression is actually compassionate. This is a good phenomenon, and it is also a phenomenon that must occur in the transitional era. However, all problems cannot be solved all at once. Do it positively, and it's over. Why be too pessimistic..." He immediately stopped me and said, "You are here again! I don't like to hear the word 'pessimistic'. Melancholy is the first step, struggle is the second step. I am depressed because everything is not satisfied; I am extremely depressed. Only then do I want to seek the one that can satisfy me more, and that means is struggle. Now it is just a period of depression, and it will be a period of struggle in the future. Pessimists are unwilling to struggle and cannot struggle, but I am not a pessimist. Ah!"

I looked at him intently and said, "So——is your period of depression almost over? Have you set the goal of your struggle? Do you have a plan for these problems?" He smiled slightly and said, "You will understand if you read it slowly. I was just depressed and thinking on my own, and I didn’t want to talk about it with anyone, and empty talk is useless, so why bother to make a fuss in advance to attract people’s attention, today you asked by chance, and we are classmates from childhood , It’s not a general friendship, so let me tell you a little bit, you understand now! "

At this time, I stood up, shook his hand sincerely and said, "I wish you the best of luck! I wish you the final victory!" He looked at me with Shen Yi's eyes and said: "Thank you! Can you fight with me physically?" Wanying. )