Chapter 103 life(22)

After the baptism of plains and big cities, Gao Jialin returned to this mountainous county with great interest.He got off the bus and got out of the station. Suddenly, he felt that the county had changed a lot and became very strange.The city walls are so small!The streets are so short and narrow!It seems that after an unfortunate big change, there are few people, and it is quiet everywhere, as if there is no sound.The county seat hasn't changed a bit.It was his feelings that had changed.Anyone who has just returned from a noisy big city to such a secluded mountain county will have this impression.Gao Jialin walked out of the station and walked on the road, his footsteps seemed firm and comfortable.He feels more confident about his future life.Although the time is very short, he already has a basic understanding of how the outside world is about to come back.Comparing the small world in front of him with the big world outside, he feels that he doesn't have to shrink his head to live here, and he can completely let go of his hands and feet... His mood is like a person who has swam in the sea once and returned to the small pool.

After he left the station, he ran into Samsung from his village.Wearing greasy overalls, he came over to shake his hand enviously, and asked, "You're back?" Gao Jialin nodded to him and asked, "What are you doing?" Sanxing said: "The tractor I was driving broke down. I came to the city to repair it this morning, and then went to Shangchuan tonight." "Is there anything wrong with our village and our family?" He asked casually. "No...just... Qiaozhen got married not long ago..." "With whom?" Gao Jialin felt his head buzzing.

"And Ma Shuan...you are here! I'm still busy!" Seeing that his face became ugly, Sanxing hurried away.When Gao Jialin heard the news, he felt an indescribable feeling of pain in his heart.He stood on the road for a while as if lost.He didn't expect Qiaozhen to get married so soon.It's always distasteful to hear that a girl who once loved her is married to someone else.He immediately realized that it was not appropriate to stand in the middle of the road like this, so he carried his bag and walked to the county committee again.However, he walked very slowly, and his steps became a little heavy.He felt that people on the street also looked at him strangely, as if they knew what was wrong in his heart.

In fact, the people on the street looked at him like this because of another reason—— This point will not be understood until he returns to the county party committee. As soon as he returned to the office and put down his things, Lao Jing came over. He first asked him about his going out this time, and then suddenly fell silent; the expression on his face was also very unnatural.Gao Jialin was very surprised. He saw that Lao Jing seemed to have something to talk to him, but felt embarrassed to speak.Lao Jing sat in his chair and was silent for a while, before finally telling him all about his being exposed for working through the "back door" and the county party committee's decision to let him return to the countryside.And told him that Kenan's mother wrote a letter to the District Commission for Discipline Inspection; I also heard that Kenan had a quarrel with his mother and opposed her doing this...

After Gao Jialin finished listening, his mind suddenly went blank. He stood numbly in the midst of his feet, not even knowing where he was now.Later, he only heard Lao Jing intermittently saying that he had approached the secretary of the county party committee, saying that he was doing a good job, and asked to continue working temporarily in the form of employment; but the secretary disagreed, saying that the matter had too much impact, and he was asked to clear the formalities for him as soon as possible. , let him return to the team immediately; I also heard that his uncle called and asked the organization to return him firmly...

When did Lao Jing get old?he does not know.When he really understood what he was facing, he suddenly couldn't react what he should do now. He took out the cigarette first, but without smoking it, he threw it behind the door.After throwing away the cigarette, he took out a match inexplicably.He pulled out the matchbox and scattered it all on the ground.Then, he bent down again, and picked one by one into the matchbox; after he picked it up, he scattered it on the ground, and picked up... It was an hour before his mind returned to normal. The matter immediately became extremely simple: isn't he going back to their village again, to the land to become a commune member?Then the first thing he thought of was Qiaozhen.He punched the table hard and cried out in despair: "It's late! I'm a bastard..."

Then he thought of Huang Yaping.She didn't cause him too much pain, but murmured: "Life, what a joke..." Did life make a joke of him, or did he make a joke of life?He doesn't know.Just as Qiaozhen thought her relationship with Gao Jialin was a dream, he felt that his relationship with Huang Yaping was also a dream.There is no doubt about everything: now that he has become a farmer again, there is naturally another insurmountable gap between him and Huang Yaping.Marrying Yaping, going to Nanjing with her... all this immediately became a joke!Even though Yaping is still firm in his love for him now, he himself firmly believes that this is no longer possible; they should still return to their original positions.Although he is an idealist, he is very realistic on specific issues.

As for this short and complicated process of change in his personal life path, he has no time to think about it now.He even felt that the ending in front of him was very natural; anyway, if it didn't happen today, it might happen tomorrow.He had a hunch, but he kept deliberately avoiding thinking about it.In the previous period, he also knew that what rose in front of his eyes was a rainbow, but he would rather let what he saw as a bridge! The "bridge" he hoped for didn't exist; the rainbow did appear, and it was colorful, but it quickly disappeared. He is still facing his own reality now.

Yes, reality cannot be transferred by individual will.Anyone who wants to leave his own reality is tantamount to leaving the earth.A person should have ideals, even fantasies, but he must not abandon real life and blindly pursue things that cannot be obtained in reality.Especially for young people who have just stepped into the road of life, this should be the most important realization. However, society cannot shirk its responsibilities.We should really clarify the countless unreasonable things in life, let the sunshine illuminate every corner of life; make those young people who are hovering at the crossroads of life go on the right track, let their talents be fully developed, and their ideals be realized. accomplish.The future of the motherland belongs to the younger generation, and the future of the motherland also depends on them!

Of course, as young people themselves, it is important to treat ideals and real life correctly.Even if your pursuit is legitimate, you cannot achieve it through crooked ways!And once a fall, in turn, it will cause a lot of pain; it can even ruin a person's life! Gao Jialin's tragedy contains various complex factors - let the discerning public comment on all of this!We still tell our life stories now.Jialin couldn't care less about other things now.The first thing he has to consider now is how to deal with his relationship with Yaping. In fact, he had already decided on this matter in his heart: he would take the initiative to sever ties with Huang Yaping!He washed his face, took off the pair of three-jointed leather shoes, threw them under the bed, and took out the pair of cloth shoes Qiaozhen made for him.Cloth shoes, every stitch and thread, how much tenderness and sweetness are sewn inside!He immediately covered the dusty patched shoes on his chest, and the tears couldn't stop pouring out of his eyes...

After changing his shoes, he got up to look for Huang Yaping—now that he was off work at noon, Yaping must be at home.He thought this was the first time he went to Yaping's house, and it was also the last time.Just when he was about to go out, Kernan suddenly entered his office. They stood facing each other, and there was a long silence. After a long time, Gao Jialin said, "Sit down..." Kernan sat in a chair by his desk.He himself sat down on the edge of his bed. "Galin, you must really hate me now..." Kernan said without looking at him. Gao Jialin didn't look at him either, and said, "No...you should hate me!" "You underestimate me now! You think I, Zhang Kenan, are a villain!" "No," Jialin turned around and said seriously, "I understand you... About this matter, it has nothing to do with you. I already know this. In fact, even if you wrote a letter to expose me through the back door, I can understand .Because I hurt you first...Even if you take revenge on me, it is justified..." Zhang Kenan raised his head abruptly, looked at Gao Jialin in a daze and said, "You are a bloody person. Although we have different personalities, I have always respected you in my heart. I still respect you now. The past has passed. It's over...I don't know how I can help you now. I know you are in pain now, and Yaping is also in pain...I don't want you to suffer..." "You are in more pain!" Galin stood up, "Now let's end this unfortunate situation! You and Yaping still recover your everything. The only thing I ask of you now is that you can forgive what I have brought to you before. pain……" "No!" Ke Nan also stood up, "Although I love Yaping, Yaping actually loves you! My pain has passed, and I have figured everything out... Yaping will never leave you... ..." "I want to leave her! I want to sever ties with her on my own initiative! I have already decided!" "She loves you..." "The person I really love is actually another person!" Gao Jialin said loudly . Zhang Kenan looked at him in surprise and was speechless for a long time.Gao Jialin sat down on the edge of the bed again, a lock of disheveled hair drooping on his pale forehead. Keran was silent for a while, then walked up to Gao Jialin, and said, "...Galin, let's not talk about these things. Now I am mainly thinking that you will go back to the countryside, and life will be very difficult. I knew that, we My family is not very rich... Our family's financial situation is better, if you need me..." Before Kernan finished speaking, Gao Jialin stood up angrily and roared loudly: "Stop insulting me! Get out! Get out!" Kernan froze for a moment.With tears in his eyes, he glanced at Gao Jialin and slowly turned around. Gao Jialin stepped forward again abruptly, put his arm around his shoulders, and said in a kind and deep voice: "...Kenan, I'm sorry. How can you say such a thing? If I don't understand You are out of a kind of sincerity, I will knock you down here immediately... Forgive me, you go! I want to find Yaping immediately to end everything between us. Forgive me..." They were silent outside the door Shake hands and say goodbye. Huang Yaping heard that Gao Jialin was back, and was about to find him, but Gao Jialin had already found her and came to her door.Yaping took him back to her house at the gate.His parents brought cakes, cigarettes, teapots, and teacups to the table and left.Yaping put a cup of tea in front of him and asked anxiously, "Do you know?" Gao Jialin took a sip of tea and said calmly, "Understood." Huang Yaping fell down on the table next to him all of a sudden, sobbing and crying. Looking at her swaying round shoulders from the side, Gao Jialin looked at her permed fluffy and soft hair, and couldn't help but feel a dull pain in his heart.He also remembered those couples of young men and women walking arm in arm on the streets and parks of the provincial capital.At that time, he had thought: Soon, Yaping and I will also hold hands like this, strolling on the streets of Nanjing; go to the Yangtze River to watch the waves dyed red by the morning glow; He swallowed uncomfortably.The ideal life he had always yearned for was about to be realized, but now it was shattered all of a sudden.He felt a sharp pain in his chest and hurriedly used his fist to resist it. Yaping raised her head and said with tears all over her face: "You go to the district tomorrow! Find your uncle and ask him to reconsider finding you a job!" Garin lit a cigarette, took a deep drag, and said: "He was against it before. This time he also called and told me to return it. It was right for him too, and I didn't complain about him. Now I'm even less prepared to go to him. Said I have to go on and on, I have to walk the road by myself. Now things are very simple, I just go back to our village..." "You can't go back!" she cried seriously. Jialin smiled wryly: "It's not whether you can go back, but you must go back!" "What can I do when I go back..." Yaping raised her head, facing the ceiling in pain, muttering to herself, stroking her hair nervously with both hands. "What can I do? What else can I do! Go back and be a farmer!" "What should we do?" Yaping faced his face, as if asking herself, or asking Jialin. "I've already made up my mind. I'm here to find you, that's about it!" Galin stood up and walked over to lean against the wall, "We should end our relationship now. You should live with Keran! He loves you very much..." "No, I want to be with you!" Huang Yaping also stood up and leaned on the table. "This is already impossible. I have become a farmer again, and we cannot live together. Besides, you will soon go to Nanjing to work." "I'm not working anymore! I'm not going to Nanjing either! I'm resigning! I'll be a farmer with you! I can't live without you..." Yaping covered her face with her hands and burst into tears.Poor girl!Her words now were not entirely sentimental.She is also a person of character, and as things stand, she is perfectly capable of making noble sacrifices.And now she loves Gao Jialin more than ever in her heart! Gao Jialin smoked one cigarette after another and said: "Yaping, how can this be? I don't deserve your sacrifice at all. Even if you really come to be a farmer with me, can my soul be at peace for the rest of my life? You have been pampered and spoiled, and you can't bear the hardships of the countryside... ...Yaping, I know that your feelings for me are sincere. For this, I am very grateful to you. I have always liked you very much. But now I feel deeply that emotionally, I actually love Qiao more Jane, even though she doesn't know a single word. I don't think I should hide this from you now..." Yaping suddenly looked at his face in surprise and despair, and was suddenly stunned in shock.She stood there numbly for a long time, then wiped the tears off her face with her cuff, took two steps forward, stood in front of Gao Jialin, and said slowly: "If this is the case, then... I wish you... ...Happiness..." She stretched out her hand to him, and two lines of tears flowed quietly on her face.Jialin held her hand and said, "Qiaozhen is already married to someone else... Now let me sincerely wish you and Kernan happiness!" After he finished speaking, he took his hand out of hers, turned around and walked out the door.Yaping grabbed him from behind and said sadly: "You...kiss me again..." Gao Jialin turned his head and kissed her tearful face, and then there was a bitter taste in his mouth , Hastily crossed the threshold... After Gao Jialin left Huang Yaping's house, he didn't go back to his office. He went straight to the county agricultural machinery repair factory to find Samsung, and asked him to take all his luggage home that night.Then he and Lao Jing went through all the procedures that should be done, and then closed the door alone and lay down on the bare bed...