Chapter 72 You can never think of 19-(Xue Feng)

Oh, what a distress!When I came here, I still had some illusions about Xiaofang's change of heart. Yes, fantasy.I should have thought she would never change her mind! What should we do now?Do I surrender to her? I can't turn the corner myself.I can't bear to live here for the rest of my life. It's too bitter and too backward here.The material conditions were reported to be poor, and the main food was millet rice—similar to the food of the Eighth Route Army back then.Vegetables are almost unavailable, and fruits are more scarce than medicine.In a radius of hundreds of miles, you can't even buy a decent pot of biscuits.

There is quite a lot of meat - mainly Guan meat, but there is no seasoning.Boiled mutton in white water, with a little salt, is considered delicious. As for cultural life, it is even less so.Not to mention the symphony, even the county theater troupe doesn't come often.Watching a movie once every few months is old-fashioned.There are more witches than doctors, and fewer godists than superstitious people. The most terrible thing is that there are more than half a year of bad weather in a year.The yellow wind was blowing, the sky was dim and the ground was dark, and there was no green color or a flower for a long time.The whole life is hard, monotonous, lonely, almost isolated from the outside world!

Alas, but here is my dear again... She is beautiful and gentle, but unheard of.I'm afraid of this environment, but I can't live without her!Now I don't want to argue with her about those ideals, the meaning of life... I know it's hard for me to convince her.Of course, it's hard to say what's wrong with what she insisted on.The main problem is that today most people have become realists, but she is still living in an ideal... At noon the next day, Xiaofang forced me to take a walk outside. She put me on a stiff wicker hat that shaded me from the sun.She wears one herself.We walked along the path behind the house to the far side of the desert.

Walking and walking, the road is gone. We climbed some small sand dunes overgrown with willow bushes, and walked on to the barren land ahead.Every step I take feels exhausting.My feet are soft and I can't use my strength.Xiaofang is obviously used to it, walking freely as if on hard ground.Seeing me in such a mess, she smiled triumphantly, and extended her hand to me. I held her hand and felt a heat spread all over my body.That hand is delicate, but powerful.I am willing to never let go of this hand. We didn't go directly to the middle of Daming Sand, but stopped at the edge of the spreading vegetation and sat under a clump of Salix.

In front of him was an endless barren desert, shining with a dazzling reddish light in the midday sun.On the other side of the horizon, there seemed to be something like a small round mirror shining in the yellow sand, protruding slightly above the horizon.Xiaofang told me that it was Dautu Haizi, at least a hundred miles away from here. The vast desert in the distance, without any trace of life, gives people a desolate and terrifying feeling.Even the surface of the moon, I think, is nothing more than that.Looking sideways to the southeast, there seems to be a brown-black belt stretching out into the invisible distance in a piece of yellow sand.I know it is the ancient Great Wall.The city wall is dilapidated, and most of the beacon towers that stand apart have collapsed, but the momentum is still extremely majestic-this is the great imprint left by the laborers thousands of years ago.

Suddenly, I felt a feeling surging from my chest like a tide.I know it's a poetic passion—a passion I haven't had in a long time. Immediately I felt a pleasant shudder, and put an arm around Xiaofang's shoulders. "What's wrong with you?" She blushed and looked at me in surprise. "Nothing..." I was still looking at the brown-black ruins of the ancient Great Wall in the distance. "Your hands are shaking..." she said, touching my forehead with her hand. I smiled and said: "I'm a little excited..." I pointed to the ancient Great Wall line in the distance, "I really want to write poetry!" I saw her eyes brighten up: "Hurry up and write! Really , this ancient Great Wall can arouse people's inexplicable feelings. The Great Wall here is not like the Badaling in Beijing. It was refurbished by the people of today, but here is completely primitive... We used to play basketball in the county in the desert. , I once went to the Great Wall, you should say that you will write many poems for the desert and the Great Wall..."

Yes, life is not poetry... I lay down next to her, looking at the blue sky and white clouds, the vast desert, and the majestic ruins of the ancient Great Wall through the willow bushes, my heart was churning very hard.At that moment, I felt a strange excitement.I really want to shout out in a recitative tone: Ah, the desert!Ah, the Great Wall!Ah, my dear!I will always stay by your side... But I didn't call out the words.Another voice in my ear warned me: life is not poetry... I was soon back in my reality. My first thought was that I'd have to get out of here the day after tomorrow - because the holidays are here.But until now, the purpose of my trip has not been traced.Discussions with her are no longer fruitful.It seems that I can only leave here on schedule.

What shall we do in the future?I have no idea…… After we stayed here for a while, she led me to some sand dunes in the middle of Daming Sands to the west, and showed me her flower sticks.The flower sticks have just grown out of Shaoli, as slender as a baby's hair.I couldn't imagine that it was these poor little grasses that tied her here.I sighed in my heart: Alas!My life was not as good as a blade of grass... The next day, although Xiaofang looked miserable, she still tried to make dumplings for me—because I was leaving tomorrow. At noon, she said that there was no soy sauce on the stove, and asked me to go to the store in the commune to buy some.She has to chop stuffing and dough herself.

I also wanted to go out for a walk alone, so I took a washed and empty wine bottle to the commune to buy soy sauce.The farm is about ten miles away from the commune. I walked on the road and never met a pedestrian.I think.You have to travel ten miles to buy some soy sauce!If I want to live here, I will inevitably have to carry this bottle and walk up and down the road... After arriving at the commune store, the door of the store is closed.A fellow villager next door closed and said that the door would not open until two o'clock in the afternoon.How anxious!Where am I going to spend the hour or so?

So I wandered around in this only market town with a radius of tens of miles. It's actually just a small village.Except for a few offices of the commune, a small shop, a post office, and a bus station, there were not many houses or buildings. I suddenly found that the school badge of the commune middle school was hanging on a dilapidated gate.I immediately remembered Xiaofang mobilizing me to teach in this middle school. Now let me go and see what this place is. The school is over, and there is not a single student.The teachers are probably taking a nap at the moment like most Chinese.I alone carried the empty pod in my hand and began to inspect the school.

The school looks like an abandoned compound road.The yard is full of sand.Most of the bark of the old willow tree in Fengke was eaten up by livestock.There are horse manure and donkey manure eggs everywhere - it seems that when ordinary people go to market, they are free to tie their livestock in the school yard.No one cares?There are two rows of brick classrooms, the doors and windows are not painted, and the wood has become black with time.Weeds grew in the corners of the yard--it looked pleasing.In schools in big cities, these weeds would have been eradicated long ago, but here, weeds are a beautiful sight. The whole school is enclosed by a clay wall.Looking out from the wall, it is the boundless desert.Now, the dune has come up to the top of the wall.Thinking about the strong wind season in February and March, I am afraid that the school will be buried under the sand beam overnight... Dear Xiaofang, do you want me to come here to set those two records? "It's unbelievable!" I said to myself, and left the school. I came to the door of the store and waited for more than 20 minutes before I finally bought a catty of soy sauce.On the ten-mile journey back to the farm, I still didn't meet a single pedestrian. Alas, the road in the desert is also lonely... Anyway, Xiaofang prepared a delicious dumpling for me.After she mixed a bowl of noodle soup dumplings, she tasted the taste first before handing it to me with both hands—according to the customs here, only her lover can taste the rice in her man's bowl.Her kind feelings made my nose sour... In the evening, Xiaofang carefully helped me pack up my things, let me go to bed early, and went to the guest room by myself.I was lying on the bed, unable to fall asleep, so I took out a copy of "Byron's Lyrics" to read, my eyes were so blurred that I couldn't even make out a word. Large and small mosquitoes, moths, and some unknown bugs rained down on the books and the exposed parts of the body.The window paper and the ceiling of the roof were also covered with mosquitoes and rustled like rain. From time to time I let out a series of sighs... There is a knock on the door.I put on my coat and went to open the door.It's Xiaofang. "There are too many mosquitoes, let me find a way for you," she said. She told me to go outside and put out the lights in the house.She lit a kerosene lamp and put it outside the door, and put a basin of water beside the kerosene lamp. Mosquitoes and moths flew out of the darkness of the house, flung themselves on the kerosene lampshade, and landed in the washbasin water. We moved chairs and sat in the yard without any sleepiness. We tried our best to find some common words.Most of the time they sat silently facing each other.We sat like this until late at night.Occasionally, some farm workers came out to use the toilet in shorts and looked at us in surprise and confusion for a while. We just sat like this until dawn... After breakfast, Xiaofang took me to the bus station of the commune. ... When the car moved, I saw her take a few steps behind the wheel, then stop in despair and turn her head away. My heart is going to break.I waved desperately to her with tears in my eyes.Farewell, my dear!I love you, but I still have to leave you.I will deeply look forward to the day when you will come to me.But I know it's impossible.I know that you also expect me to live by your side, but it is so difficult for me... Farewell, my dear! do not!do not!do not……