Chapter 71 You can never think of 18-(Zheng Xiaofang)

I don't know what I'm thinking.Now I lie in the dark, my thoughts are flooding in every direction... Am I happy or sad?I can't tell either.Probably both ingredients.I am happy.Yes, anyway, after a year, I finally saw him again.From the outside, he didn't seem to have changed much, he was still so strong and beautiful.The skin is fairer than it used to be - it's because I don't see the sun so often... Thinking of this, I subconsciously touched my face in the darkness.My face is darker and rougher than before. His appearance has not changed much, but there seems to be something gloomy in his eyes.What caused it?I am not sure.Sao said that from his point of view, he should be happy now.He has a career that many people envy, and at the same time he found a beautiful city girl...

I am uncomfortable.Yes, anyway, he has now broken off the closest relationship with me, and we are now a good friend at best. The reason I'm suffering is because I'm still not emotionally cut off from him.To tell you the truth, I also secretly tried it in my heart to see if I could love Wu Youxiong.But can't.I can only have a feeling of friendship and respect for Wu Youxiong, not love.Maybe after a long time, maybe I can also have this kind of feeling for Xiong?Maybe never could have such feelings for him.At least not now.The current relationship between me and Xue Feng is like a melon that I can't plant with my own hands. Although the fruit is picked by others, the vines still grow in the original place... Are these metaphors appropriate?Since there is no fruit, what is the use of vines?Yes, it didn't work.But it still haunts my heart.

I still haven't figured it out yet, why did he come here suddenly? Did he stop by to see me on a business trip, or something else... He didn't explain to me either.Can I open my mouth and ask him?Will not.My self-esteem is strong. So how should I treat him now? Oh, I should treat him like a good friend; I want to bury all the emotions of joy and pain in my heart... I don't know when I fell asleep.I didn't know what time it was when I woke up—it was already daylight anyway. I hurriedly got dressed and went over to see if he was up. The door was open, and he was obviously up.

I went in and my heart sank: he wasn't in the house. When I saw his bag was still hanging on the wall, I couldn't help being embarrassed by the surprise just now.I cleaned the house right away.When I took a small dustpan to the back of the room to take out the trash, I saw Xue Feng wandering among the willow bushes that had nowhere to go.He was in good spirits, judging by the quickness of his gait and the constant look around. I am very happy.I am proud of the unique scenery of the desert.Look, our desert...our desert?Yes, this desert used to be what we shared and longed for.oh desert...

I hurried back to prepare breakfast for him. We don't eat breakfast here all year round.The first meal can often be eaten around ten o'clock in the morning.I'm already in the vulgar, but I know he's used to city life, and he can't do without something in the morning. I took out the eggs, milk powder and sugar I had accumulated, went to the stove and fried a few tea bags of eggs, prepared the milk powder and added sugar.The staple food is cake (this was brought back from the city not long ago). When I got everything ready, I turned to the back of the house to find him—I saw him walking back too.When he approached, I asked him, "Did you sleep well last night? Is it hot?"

He smiled and said, "It's cooler than in the city, but I didn't sleep well." "Why" "There are too many mosquitoes..." He asked me: "Did you sleep well?" I saw a meaningful gleam in his eyes. I didn't answer, shook my head, and said to him: "Go back and have breakfast..." "Early?" he said in surprise, "do you still have breakfast here?" "What? Don't people here even eat?" We all laughed and walked back to the dormitory. For a long time, this is the first time I ate so early, and I ate with Xue Feng.This gave me an indescribable feeling in my heart.As I ate, I couldn't help thinking: Isn't that how I fantasized about sitting down with this person every morning for breakfast? ...Thinking about it, I didn't even know that there were two teardrops hanging on my face.I didn't feel it until Xue Feng stared at me.

I hurriedly wiped the tears off my face with my hands, put down a piece of cake in my hand, pretended to fetch water, picked up the thermos bottle and went out. When I came back with the thermos bottle, I saw Xue Feng also put half of the cake on the paper, stopped eating, and just sat on the chair blankly. I had calmed down a little, and said to him: "Eat quickly, the milk in the cup is going to be cold." He didn't say a word, and still sat there blankly. I didn't know what to do myself, so I put down the thermos bottle, leaned against the rock on the kang, lowered my head and concentrated on picking my fingers.

silence.After a while, Xue Feng raised his head and suddenly asked me: "... Xiaofang, do you still like me?" I raised my head and then lowered it. "I still like you..." he added. like?This does not equal love.Love, yes, he won't say the word again.But he said again: "I love you forever! Xiaofang!" How could he not say that now!I'm even a little angry about it. I looked up and saw tears welling in his eyes. "How can you still do this? You have..." I said to him reproachfully. "No! I stumbled blindly into a muddy pond..." he cried out in pain.

After pausing for a while, he told me all about his subsequent situation, especially the ins and outs with He Min.I believe he is not lying. After we finished speaking, we were silent for a while. I couldn't help crying.I'm not just in pain for his love affair with He Min; I'm not just happy that he broke up with her; I'm mainly sad for himself.For more than a year, what kind of life has he lived!Could it be that Xue Feng, whom I love, has become such a person?He looked at me in pain and asked, "Can you forgive me?" "It's just your business..." I said.

"No, I ask you, can you forgive me!" he cried. "It's not like you don't know my heart..." I lowered my head and said. "Can you forgive me?" he asked me again stubbornly. I am silent.I felt a heat wave in my heart. Now I know he has gotten up from his chair and is approaching me. I didn't hide.He hugged me tightly, and pressed his tear-stained face to mine... I couldn't help but sobbed on his chest.Yes, I embraced the happiness I had lost for a long time again, and how much I felt wronged by it... When we sat down face to face again, both of us felt how wonderful this moment was.It's like a stomped item that has been lost and then returned to the hand - although the thing is original, it seems to be more precious than before it was lost.

After a pause and a moment of calm, Xue Feng said to me with excitement: "... Xiaofang, of course when I see you again, I know how precious you are to me. I can't live without you anymore; I will never do those absurd things again; I must live with you... Come with me! Go to the provincial capital! We will be very happy for the rest of our lives..." "Huh?" I stared at him with wide eyes , stunned. Like a year ago, I immediately returned to this serious problem. Yes, after a long time of quarreling, because of emotional impulse, I even forgot the old gulf between us. "Xiaofang, don't torture me anymore. You should know that the times are different now. It is not necessarily a hero who goes to a difficult place, but a backward person who stays in the city. The actual situation is just the opposite. Many heroes today Models are produced in big cities and high-level academic institutions. Jiang Zhuying, Luo Jianfu, Sun Yefang..." He began to eloquently expound his high-level thesis on the new Xinggong again. I calm down.I calmly said to him: "You misunderstood me. I came here to work, not to be a hero. I am just an ordinary person. I don't want anyone to give me any title. Xue Feng, you should understand who I am. People. Besides, you don’t know what major I am studying. Only here can I give full play to my knowledge and expertise..." "But, I also know that you come here with a kind of idealism!" He retorted. "I don't shy away from that," I told him. "We're so young that if we don't have ideals, we don't have a right purpose in life." "So the ideal is only in this desert?" "Don't despise the desert. Although it is desolate and even a barren land, it is still our land, the land of the motherland." "How can you sing such a high-profile!" "How is this high? I'm just telling the truth. This is our land, the land of the motherland. Is this high-profile? If it's desolate because of poverty, don't we want it? Just as our parents are poor because they Even ignorance, do we not recognize them as our parents? Is it a shame to recognize them as our parents? Can we just avoid our responsibility to them because of this? This is the simplest In fact, it is a pity that many of our contemporaries often regard themselves as the children of the new era. Only by manipulating electronic calculators can they be regarded as contemporary romantic figures. Don’t forget that our lives have all entered the electronic age, but this does not mean that Everything that replaces man himself, man should always pursue a noble life, never have a spirit of devotion and sacrifice for his kind... If one day, everyone in the world sits on a rocket, advanced enough Right? But these people on the rocket are no longer real people, but wolves or foxes, so what's the point of this advanced..." "You can talk nonsense!" Xue Feng interrupted me, and couldn't help laughing. I laughed too.Really, how did I go so far?In fact, my idea is very simple: the most important thing is not where we live, but how we make our life more valuable.This place is poor, desolate, and needs people to reform and build, so I'm here—that's all.I don't want to say that it is not good to stay and work in the city, I just say that the young and educated generation is more needed here to work.Especially my major, working here is a matter of course. Xue Feng paused for a while, sighed, and said, "You are right, but what am I doing here? Planting grass and trees with you?" "No," I said, "you don't know, this commune has never had a college student work here; and this place has never produced a college student. If you want to be able to come to this commune to teach in the middle school, you will create A page of history of this commune, people here will remember in the future, you are the first college student to work in their commune. If you can use your knowledge to make the children of farmers and herdsmen here enter the university, then you will give There is a page of history written in this area, and people will remember with gratitude why you did good things. But as yourself, you should take everything you do as your own...” "Oh! I set two records, plus you set the record, that's quite a few..." He said a little teasingly. "Xue Feng! How I hope you don't become a cynical person! Where did you go in the past? Simple, enthusiastic, noble, even those eyes are deep and bright...Look at you now, really It's sad...you should see what you've become yourself..." As I said, tears filled my eyes. He lowered his head and let out a heavy sigh...