Chapter 51 On difficult days (12)

The next day, I was completely out of the mood to go to class.I didn't even ask for leave, Just left the school.Within the four walls of the school, I felt so depressed that I couldn't stay for a minute.But where to go?Looking out from the school gate, I can only see a vast expanse of whiteness in the surrounding fields, with no roads and people, and I can't see any birds or animals.The high and low scattered buildings of the city are all buried under the thick snow.From the chimneys on the ridge of the roof, wisps of gray-white charcoal smoke drifted, all of which melted into the sky as heavy as lead.The cold whizzing north wind hit me head-on with tiny snow particles, which hurt like countless broken needles.

I went out of the school gate, walked through the stone archway, and walked casually into the wilderness on the roadless ground.In a small depression not far from the school, I slipped and fell.I slipped and fell, and I simply didn't get up. I closed my eyes and lay in the snow, thinking intently and painfully about the only question: What should I do? what to do?Wu Yaling was criticized, David endured the pain, Zhou Wenming added fuel to the fire, and the whole class was watching jokes... and all of this was caused by me.I even hate my own existence now! However, Wu Yaling is in pain, Zheng Zaiwei is in pain, so am I not in pain?Have I done something shameful?

A feeling of grievance made my nose sore.I thought angrily: the reason why I am in such a situation now, in the final analysis, is because I don’t have a father who earns wages and eats food from the national treasury!I'm poor, but I don't envy others who are rich, and I never complain about anything, only my own bad luck.Originally, I myself could have gritted my teeth and lived in silence, completing my high school studies.However, there happened to be Wu Yaling... But, can I blame her? No!She is noble.She not only helped me materially, but more importantly, she gave me friendship and warmth in spirit; own reputation?I also thought of David Cheng.Yes, he was in pain too.Maybe in his opinion, even Wu Yaling and I are innocent, but the public opinion of the people also makes him unbearable.His good character forced him to endure it, but it could be seen that this made his pain even worse.

Of course, I look at David's pain more from Wu Yaling's perspective; because I know that Yaling loves David very much in her heart, and seeing him in pain will definitely increase her own pain a hundredfold.Recently, David had been ignoring her at all. Currently the most suffering is Wu Yaling! I grabbed handfuls of snow and rubbed it hard on my face; I rolled on the snow, pulling my hair, like a beast with a gunshot wound! It's already noon.From morning until now, I haven't touched a grain of rice or taken a drop of water, but I don't feel hungry. I sat up from the snow, hugging my knees with my hands, as if I had walked for a long time, feeling extremely tired, my eyelids were swollen, my scalp was swollen, and my chest was swollen. I looked at the snow-capped distance in confusion...

In the distance, in the middle of those two mountains, that bottleneck-like ditch mouth—— Going in from that ditch, isn't it the way to your hometown? At this moment, the villagers of Majiage Tulao may be sitting on the top of the kang, the old men are twisting wool, the men are lying on the pillows and snoring, and the women are holding the hungry children in their arms. Singing an old ballad: "Chicken, chicken, don't bark, dog, dog, don't bite, mother's life ball, sleep well..." Where is the father?Maybe in that cave-like earthen cave dwelling, sucking a clear nose, squatting on the kang, smoking pot after pot of dry tobacco.Perhaps he was not on the kang, but locked the rectangular brass lock handed down from his grandfather to the cold kiln of the ice kiln, dragged his lame legs, and limped in the valley to find wild jujubes that had not been shaken by the cold wind.Or, simply sweep out a clean open space on the field where the crops are milled in the village, set up a grass sieve, sprinkle a handful of chaff, and try to catch one or two greedy sparrows.I seem to see him hiding behind the firewood pile far away, pulling the rope tied to the stick of the grass sieve, staring at the clearing, waiting, waiting; His shoulders are covered with pale hair... If he can eat a burnt sparrow or a few shriveled wild jujubes today, he will not use fireworks for a day, and entrust the little rations he saved to me ...

I covered my face with my hands and couldn't help sobbing. The snow began to thicken again, and it was big.The flying snowflakes confused the world and the earth.The horizon disappeared from view.One or two snowflakes got into the hot neck and melted quickly, turning into cold water droplets and flowing up the back, making people shiver involuntarily.It was quiet in the wilderness, and only I was listening to my cries.Ah, how afraid I was of the decision I had made in my heart!But I had to do it again: To save everyone else from suffering, I decided to drop out.This is undoubtedly tantamount to killing yourself.I know that all my beautiful ideals and countless future dreams have been shattered.I have come a long and hard way for today and for the future, and now I am reaching a critical moment when I suffer a setback—and this setback is caused by such unexpected reasons!

But on the other hand, I can't help it.For a person of my age, personality, and social situation, when encountering such a thing, if he wants to fulfill himself morally, he can only take this kind of action.I don't have the power to eliminate other people's misunderstandings and pains, and to continue my studies with peace of mind.If I want to keep others from suffering, I can only make myself a huge sacrifice. A spontaneous heroic spirit overwhelmed some of the pain of being out of school.I don't regret my decision at all.This is also what my conscience demands.In a sense, this is just a reward for another noble heart: "self-sacrifice" which doesn't quite account for the deed I'm about to do.

The snow is getting bigger and bigger, and the snowflakes that are blown by the wind are pouring down to the earth like a white waterfall with endless sky.I don't know why, but at this moment, a kind of joyful emotion spreads all over me.It is an emotion born of purity of heart--any man of integrity will experience it.At this moment, I suddenly felt something heavy fall on my shoulder.I looked up: ah, it turned out to be my head teacher, Mr. Li. Teacher Li was squatting beside me, with one hand on my shoulder, looking at me through thick glasses like the bottom of a bottle, and asked, "Jianji, are you sick?"

I shake my head. "What happened at home?" "No." I replied. "What's the matter with you?" "..." I was speechless. "...Yes, I think you have something to do. You are not in a good mood recently. Are you out of food again? Come to my dormitory in the afternoon. I still have some leftover rice tickets. You can eat them. You are welcome. I have a bad stomach, I can’t eat food... Now is a difficult time, everyone is hungry, no matter what, you still have to study hard, the future of the motherland depends on you, you are a promising child, don’t dare Delay in studying. Today, you missed class and didn't even ask for leave... Zhou Wenming told me that he saw you here..."

Teacher Li patted the snow on my body. I stood in front of him, my frozen legs shivering.I didn't dare to look at the pair of lenses with many rings, I just lowered my head and rubbed my hands unconsciously on them.Teacher Li tugged at my cuff: "You probably haven't eaten yet. Go, go to my dormitory to get a meal ticket!" "No! Teacher Li, I thank you very much, but I don't need a meal ticket! I...I I'm leaving school!" I was afraid that Teacher Li would see me crying, so I quickly turned my head away. "What?" His tall teacher bent down, his myopia almost touched my face, and looked at me in confusion.

I couldn't bear it anymore, like a wronged child, I put my head on Teacher Li's generous chest, choked up for a long time and couldn't say a word. Teacher Li put one arm around my shoulder, and gently touched the back of my shoulder with the other hand, and said, "Jianqiang, you are a child with a strong personality, how can you drop out of school because of difficulties? You just returned home. , it is still lack of food! You must not do this! As the old saying goes, a mistake will cause eternal hatred. When you regret it in the future, it will be too late..." "It's not because of this..." I raised my head, slightly After hesitating for a while, I actually poured out everything to Teacher Li in one breath-because I think he is an elder who has experienced the world, and his character is completely worthy of my respect and trust.Besides, he is my homeroom teacher, so I should explain to him why I dropped out of school.It's not about him keeping me.No, I have decided to go, and this cannot be changed anyway. "Ah, so it's like this..." After listening to my narration, Mr. Li said softly, and then walked on the snow. He circled and circled on the snow in front of me, and then sat in the snow again, with his hands trembling slightly, he took out a "Economy" brand cigarette from his pocket, lit it and took one puff after another. pump up. After a while, he stood up again, walked in front of me, held my head between his temples with both hands, facing my face with thick glasses, looked at me passionately, and said slowly: "Let's Let's go back……" So, we went to school together.Along the way, my teacher didn't say anything, and I couldn't guess what he thought of these things about me. After entering the school gate, I wanted to go back to the dormitory, but Teacher Li refused to let me go with him to his dormitory, and never mentioned the matter of giving me food stamps; he must have something to say to me.