Chapter 14 She laughed, rocking her head back and forth -2

The two cried silently for a while The two cried silently for a while. She calmed down first, wiped away her tears, pushed him away from the chopping board, and said, "I'll come." He was stubborn for a while, but finally he couldn't stand her, retreated, slowly put away his tears and still didn't dare to look at her.The knife clanged crisply on the chopping board. They did not speak until supper.After dinner, when the children had gone to bed and fell asleep, she entered their room, and he followed behind, waiting for the trial mood, stuffy and nervous, almost longing for her to turn around and scold him loudly, even Slap his mouth hard.And she made up her mind to keep silent, this silence oppressed him more than any punishment, he couldn't breathe.She knew he was standing behind him, waiting for her to speak first, and she was waiting for him.It's not intentional to torture him, but because she has no way to speak, she shouldn't know anything.If she admitted that she knew something, wouldn't it be the same as admitting her suspicions, and if she had such suspicions, wouldn't it be that she didn't trust her husband, and even lost her self-confidence.What is more pitiful than having no self-confidence.

They were at a stalemate, and in the end it was still he who compromised.He murmured: "I'm not human." She trembled violently, although she knew it in her heart, but hearing this from him, she couldn't hold any illusions, even though she was the most unimaginative woman.Now, she cannot escape.She tried to calm down and asked: "How can you not be a human?" He almost begged for mercy, and she wouldn't budge, waiting for his confession from beginning to end.He has already confessed to the leader once, and now he is going to do it a second time, and every confession is a torture.Having to review to others what their secrets can only be understood silently, even though they themselves are ashamed to say everything, now must say every word, his heart is full of shame and humiliation, he has no self-respect at all. up.

She held the broom for sweeping the bed in her hand, leaned on the edge of the bed lightly, and waited.There was intimidation in that waiting. He had to say, from beginning to end. While he was talking, she never looked back.Every word he said entered his ears very clearly and fell into the desert's heart. He finished, and waited for her sentence. She finally weakened, turned sideways, and sat down on the edge of the bed exhausted. He was also exhausted, but had to stand. She raised her eyes, swept him lightly from top to bottom, and asked slowly, "What are you going to do?"

He hadn't expected the question and didn't know how to answer it. She waited for a while, then asked again: "Is she planning to marry you?" He was taken aback, this was something they had never thought about, they entered into each other's lives without any possibility of this, so there was no hope for each other.He replied honestly: "We haven't thought about it." "We!" she repeated, with a small wry smile. He was immediately ashamed, wishing he could dive into the ground. "I believe in you." She said, "I believe that you will cherish our relationship and our family." Her eyes slowly swept across the room, and tears welled up, "I believe you were confused for a while. ...I hope you can calm down and be sober. There is no way to undo the past, forget it. But in the future, I hope you can guarantee..." She couldn't continue.These words are not so much for him, as they are for himself.She is encouraging herself not to lose confidence, not to be too painful and too desperate.She had only herself to encourage herself, and she was so alone in this struggle.

And he never thought that she would be so magnanimous, so grateful, he threw himself into her arms, knelt on her knees, and hugged her cold knees.Through the single pants, he could still feel the cold trembling of that knee.His heart was broken, and he realized the breadth of her love.How despicable and shameful it all was in comparison.He buried his face in her lap, sobbed loudly and repeated: "Give me one chance, give me one chance." She put her arms around his head, brushing his unkempt hair with her lips.She loves him so much and cherishes him, but there is a piece missing in her heart, which can no longer be made up.She weeps secretly for the flaws in her heart.

He is guilty, he is guilty, he is ashamed, he is inferior, and all these are not worth the pain that he can no longer see her.At such times, it was her that he longed to see the most, and it was her that he missed the most.In this world, she was the only one who was equal to him, who shared his illness and sympathized with him, two fellow criminals.The longing for her made all other tortures flat.He recalled countless times holding her in his arms, the warmth of the body, until the soul.I feel dizzy when I think about it.Since that was impossible, I became anxious again.He was getting thinner and depressed day by day, and he felt that if he could meet her once, no matter how much he would pay.But after all, he has no courage, and is helpless, only daydreaming hard, torturing himself in vain.

One day, the last movie in the afternoon ended, and when the audience was gone, the staff began to clear the venue.He took a small broom and swept the field in the first ten rows.The broom was so short that he had to stoop deeply.This posture made him unable to relieve his humiliation, but he was thankful that such a deep bow could avoid meeting anyone face to face.He bent down low and moved little by little, first from left to right, sweeping to the head, then straightened up and walked to the front row, from right to left.When he finished sweeping a row and straightened his waist forward, he suddenly stopped.Across the entire dusty theater, he saw her standing silently in the last row.

It was the first time he had seen her since that terrible night of awkward parting.She seemed to have lost weight and calmed down a lot.She stood there, with a peaceful and melancholy atmosphere that had never been seen before.He looked at her from a distance, but couldn't walk forward.Workers were sweeping, shouting, brooms kicked up dust, and vulgar chatter and jokes echoed in the empty theater. Looking at him from a distance, he seems to be so thin that only his soul remains.She felt that her heart was breaking down piece by piece, she had never experienced the feeling of heartbreak, she had always broken other people's hearts, because she was too healthy, her vitality was too strong, pain made her weak, made her innocent.

They looked at each other silently, separated by a large noisy and dirty place.The soul came out of the body, flew over the barrier, and embraced tightly.They all experienced this embrace, which was unprecedentedly ecstasy, unprecedentedly touching.The pain and isolation brought them together. What was supposed to be a play on the occasion has finally become a reality, and they are true love. They suddenly realized: what is love. The next morning, he sat behind the side curtain on the stage, playing the accordion morosely.The depression and unhappiness of half a life, in these days, all came to my heart.He has no future to look forward to, so he just looks back.With such a depressed mood, he could only recall unpleasant things, which made him more depressed and depressed.He is almost lingering on his last breath, and has no interest in life anymore.

The theater lights were turned off, and it was dark, with voices of voices coming from behind the scenes.Suddenly, the curtain on the fire escape on the side of the stage was lifted, and a light flashed in, and then it went dark again.A figure hurried up the steps and onto the stage, walked up to him in the face of the hoarse piano sound, and whispered in his ear: "Go to the bridge." In the dark again. He didn't stop playing the violin, but he couldn't stop shaking, his knees touched each other, and his teeth chattered.He played for a while, finally couldn't hold on anymore, stopped, gently unloaded the accordion, pretended to be careless, paced back and forth on the side of the stage a few times, looked left and right, and then jumped onto the bridge leading to the overpass. Dark walkway.

The passage was dark and narrow, and the steps were high.He almost climbed one level after another with his hands on the ground, and every time he passed the light room, there was a ray of light.The light always made him break out in a cold sweat. The light faintly illuminated his sneaky image, and he was so inferior that he wanted to cry.However, he couldn't take care of everything, he could only climb up one level at a time.He has no other way to go.He has never been so determined, there is something calling him, calling him, he can't resist, he can't resist.He finally reached the topmost floor, and his eyes opened up.He was standing at one end of the long and narrow sky bridge, under the sky bridge was an entire empty stage, someone was talking, and there was a loud echo.At the other end of the flyover, she stood, and she walked slowly towards him.He couldn't help but move his feet.Layers of curtain strips are vertical under their feet, as if walking on clouds.When they finally met, their four hands were black and their bodies and faces were covered with dust.They hugged each other tightly, hugging each other tightly, wishing they could embed each other deep into their skin.She cried and cried aloud, and he quickly covered her mouth tightly with his hands, feeling that the palm of his hand was bitten, and his sharp teeth bit into the flesh.Then he cried, and she covered his mouth with her hand to keep him from making a sound.Any small sound can arouse ubiquitous echoes in this empty world.They covered their mouths with each other and cried.They feel that in this big world, only the two of them are dependent on each other, like a small boat in the vast ocean.The pain had changed her completely, made her soft.Despair also changed him, made him resolute, though only temporarily.They stood on the trembling flyover, above the empty stage, held their breath, suppressed their sobs, embraced, and forgot the time.