Chapter 7 61-70

61 That night, Daqing and I sat under the street lamp, each with various worries and worries, and smoked cigarettes one after another. Later, I counted the vehicles driving from left to right, and Daqing counted the vehicles driving from right to left—at first I We agreed with Daqing that we will leave when the vehicles on both sides are exactly equal. Unfortunately, until dawn, our wish was not fulfilled in the end. 62 In the morning, I returned to the Agricultural College, exhausted and excited, not quite sure what was going on.I lay on the bed, sleepless, so I got up, closed the curtains, drank a glass of water, smoked a cigarette, climbed into bed again, buried my head in the pillow, still couldn’t fall asleep, I closed my eyes and forced myself to think There was darkness, and soon, Chen Xiaolu's face gradually emerged from the darkness, so I turned over and sat up, lit a cigarette again, took a few puffs and then extinguished it, then lay down, relaxed all over, and slowly closed my eyes , I counted one, two, three, four in my heart, until I counted to thirty, but there was no response, so I just turned over and lay down on the bed, tying my head under the quilt. There was a thin layer of sweat, so he lifted the quilt and pushed it to the side - after nearly an hour of tossing and turning, he was dizzy, but he still couldn't fall asleep.

I simply sat up and opened my eyes. Once I turned my eyes to the light source, I felt very painful. I sat there and closed my eyes. After a while, I felt my body tilted and fell lightly on the bed. Suddenly, I I felt extremely thirsty, and if I didn’t get up to drink, smoke would come out of my throat, so I got up to drink water, and as soon as I lay down, I wanted to urinate again, so I had to jump out of bed and go to the bathroom with bare feet. After urinating, I Already irritable, so I put on my clothes, sat down in front of the computer, turned on the computer, wrote only three lines of the script, and then felt the world was spinning and couldn't sit still, so I threw myself on the bed and fell asleep after a while.

I feel that I have slept for a long time, but I don’t know how long. In short, I have a lot of chaotic dreams. Some of the reasons for waking me up from the dream are flashed by me. I lie there, keeping a Posture, insist on sleeping wholeheartedly, not being moved by any external stimuli - sweating, don't wipe it!Eyeballs twitch, ignore!Uneven breathing, turn a blind eye!Posture fatigue, no matter! In this way, sleep is so far away from me, wandering around me, making me afraid that I will wake up again all of a sudden, unfortunately, just as I was stubbornly lying on the bed, suddenly, I felt my body slippery, as if Rolling over from a certain platform, I hurriedly stood up and broke free. All of a sudden, I opened my eyes, my mind was clear, and my spirits were refreshed-I woke up and looked at my watch, but I only slept for about half an hour.

I sat up helplessly and looked around blankly. There was silence around me. The sunlight shone through the gaps in the curtains and drew a straight white line on the ground. Bed, went to the bathroom, took a glass of cold water with a mouthwash cup, drank it all, then washed my face with cold water, and washed away the layer of sweat on my face. Finally, I turned and walked out of the room, slammed the door, and went downstairs , I came to a small path of the Agricultural College, I walked through the small path, turned right, exited the Agricultural College, and walked two steps forward, there was a cigarette stand, I bought a box of 35 brand cigarettes, a lighter, Then I walked forward until I walked into the Institute of Power, and I came to the public phone without a moment's hesitation. I changed a handful of change from the service desk, grabbed the phone, lit a cigarette, stuffed the change, and then dialed the number , So, Chen Xiaolu's voice came from the phone: "Is that you?"

I exhaled a puff of cigarette, took a long breath, nodded for some reason, but couldn't say a word. "Is it you?" It was still Chen Xiaolu's voice. "Yes." I said. "I want to call you, but I don't know how to find you. I heard that you only have a public phone at your place." "Yes." I said. "Are you still mad at me?" "No." I said. "I've been waiting for your call, from last night to now." "How are you?" My voice finally came out normally. "I want to sleep with you." "Where is it?" I asked incoherently.

"Anywhere, on the street, in a car, on the ground, I've been wanting to sleep with you." "yes?" "Yes—where are you? I'll find you." "I'm in the Agricultural College, in the Faculty Building of the Film Academy, in—" "I've been, I know you, will you be there?" "I will." "Do you want to fuck me now?" "think--" "Then I'll be there in a moment—what floor are you on?" I told her the building number and floor, and Chen Xiaolu hung up the phone immediately. I leaned against the glass wall of the public phone booth, my whole body stiffened, and I woke up suddenly when the cigarette butt burned my fingers, and then I walked out of the phone booth like a sleepwalker. When I got to the street, I walked back to the Agricultural College, leaned against a tree, stood for a while, and then sat back on the ground. I looked around, but there was nothing but the chirping of birds on the top of the tree. Not far away, there was a An old-fashioned bicycle, the spokes of the wheels are stained with rust, and the seat is torn. Further forward is the door of the building where I live. I sit on the side of the road. There is a lawn behind me. It poured down and landed on me in strands.I raised my wrist, looked at my watch, and wanted to count the time, but I didn’t know when I took off the watch. I stood up, walked into the cave, went upstairs, sat back on the bed, and stared at the curtains in a trance.

63 At this moment, Zhao Dongping opened the door and walked in: "Why don't you even close the unit door?" "I just went out for a trip and forgot." "Well, where did you write it?" "Episode ten," I said. Zhao Dongping came over from his house to see me from time to time, because we are writing serial dramas, and there are many things that need to be aligned. Often he writes a character in the back, and I have to explain a few words in the front. If I add a character in the front , he will also give the ending later, so we meet and discuss every day.

"It's been ten episodes! It's okay, buddy, it's only been six episodes—it's hard." Zhao Dongping has a habit, that is, whenever writing is blocked, he likes to come to my place for a stroll to see my progress. I point to the empty chair in front of the computer: "Look." So he sat down and looked up. I fell back on the bed and looked at the cracked ceiling. "Shall we have dinner together later?" he asked. "If you don't want to eat, go yourself, I'm not hungry." "I didn't say now, I said noon!" "I'm not hungry at noon."

"what happened to you?" "I'm too lazy to eat." Zhao Dongping poked his head out from behind the computer monitor and glanced at me: "Are you okay?" I shook my head: "It's okay." In order not to pester him anymore, I said: "I'll sleep for a while, you see, close the door before leaving." I got into the quilt, closed my eyes, and heard the monotonous sound of Zhao Dongping's fingers tapping the line feed key. Strangely, this sound was very pleasant to me. After a while, as the tapping sound gradually weakened ,I am asleep.

In the dimness, I heard the door sound, probably Zhao Dongping had left. After a while, I gritted my teeth and got out of bed, opened the two doors leading to my room, and then went back to bed and went to sleep. I don’t know how long it took. I felt something wriggling around me, I tried to open my eyes, and saw Chen Xiaolu leaning against me with her clothes on, and her legs stretched out on the bed after the sound of her shoes. "I'm so sleepy," she told me. I let out a "huh" and hugged her back, and the two of us fell asleep together. 64 When I woke up, it was so dark that my fingers could not be seen. I opened my eyes and listened carefully. There was no sound of cars outside. Chen Xiaolu was sleeping beside me, breathing steadily. I turned over, turned my back to her, and fell asleep again. After a while, I felt that Chen Xiaolu was also flipping behind me, so I turned around and asked, "What's wrong?"

Chen Xiaolu said to me while taking off her shirt: "Take off your clothes, it's too uncomfortable to sleep like this." So we two took off our clothes and fell asleep again. This sleep, drowsy, I don't know when, I woke up again, and found Chen Xiaolu's thin arm pressed under my body, I pulled her arm out from under her body, Chen Xiaolu woke up, she fell down Drilled, the head just landed on my chest, I lowered my head, kissed her hair, she drilled up again, and kissed me. "What time is it?" she asked me. "I don't know." I said. "are you hungry?" "Not bad. What about you?" "I'm hungry." "Get up, let's go out to eat together." "Fuck me," she said, lying on her back at the same time. So, we made love, turned upside down, crazy. No matter how tightly I hold her and get close to her body, Chen Xiaolu is always dissatisfied. That time, I kissed every inch of her body, fingertips, ankles, arms, and even her ears. When we were done, we went to bed again. 65 At four o'clock in the middle of the night, Chen Xiaolu and I came to Dongzhimen for dinner. Just now, on the way she was driving, I sat next to her, smoking a cigarette, silently. I stopped the car in front of a restaurant, and Chen Xiaolu put on the handbrake. , turned off the fire, then smiled at me in the dark, then sighed. "What's wrong?" I asked her. She leaned over and kissed my neck for a long time and said, "Isn't that nice?" We walked into the restaurant, ordered a simple two dishes and one soup, and ate it hungrily. When I was almost done eating, I sat up straight and looked at her. "What's wrong?" she asked me. "Eat, I'm full." "I'm really hungry. I haven't eaten a bite since we finished the hot-boiled mutton." I was about to say "me too", but I swallowed the words again. "What are you doing now?" she asked me. "Write a screenplay outline." "When did you write it?" "If you want to hurry up, it will be finished in three to five days." "and then?" "Then wait and see if the producers are satisfied." "What if you're not satisfied?" "I have to write more." "Are you going to stay there and write?" "No, I can write at home." "do you live alone?" "yes." "Where do you live?" "Andingmen, it's very close to here, do you want to go and have a look?" Chen Xiaolu put down her chopsticks, stared at me for a long time, then smiled and said: "Okay, let's go and have a look." We left the restaurant and got in the car, and I asked her, "Chengcheng said that he used to—" "Don't listen to their nonsense. I've known them for a long time. I knew them five or six years ago. Among these people, you are the only one who took me down." After finishing speaking, he started the car. We headed east along Dongzhimen Street and went up to the Second Ring Road. Within two minutes, we came to the downstairs where I lived. The elevator stopped, and we went upstairs together. In the dark, I took Chen Xiaolu's hand and listened to her. Walking behind me step by step, counting the number of stairs aloud as I walked.When we got to the fifth floor, we rested for a while, and I waited for her to say "go" before continuing.In this way, I went up to the twelfth floor, I opened the door, turned on the light, and Chen Xiaolu entered the room in front of me. "I've always lived here," I told her. "It's not bad—not bad." Chen Xiaolu stood in the middle of the room, looked around the room and said. "What does OK mean?" I asked. "That is to say, it's okay to hang out with you." "Do you want to live with me?" "Me?" Chen Xiaolu blinked and smiled, "I mean, it's quite suitable for you to live with a girl here." "why?" "Isn't that obvious? Cloth slippers, coffee pot, videotapes, double bed, big sofa, TV, records, kitchen—" Chen Xiaolu walked into the kitchen: "Look, everything is so neat." Then, she went into the bathroom and slammed the lock.I sat back on the sofa and looked at my hut in a daze. 66 Nothing in life annoys me more than when people say things like "guess what" and maybe I'm not smart enough to understand this kind of ambiguity, but I really hate it, I like to clarify my intentions instead of going around and covering up. Whenever I encounter such a situation, I will be full of suspicion and uneasy. I don't know what Chen Xiaolu means. I recall what she just said sentence by sentence, The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t figure out why, so I went to the kitchen, boiled a pot of water, washed out all the cups and dishes in the sink, dried them with paper towels, opened the kitchen, and stacked them neatly one by one. When the water boiled, I turned off the gas, made a pot of green tea with boiling water, took two clean teacups, and went back indoors. With the sound of flushing water, Chen Xiaolu came out wiping her freshly washed hands with a paper towel. "Tea?" I asked her. "I was thinking, if only I had a cup of hot tea." Chen Xiaolu sat down, I poured her a cup of tea, she picked it up, blew on the tea, and took a sip of it with her lips. "You just said—" I thought of her topic about cohabitation, but I didn't know what to say when the words came to my lips. "what did I say?" "It's nothing, I forgot." I slowly drank my cup of tea, and then poured another cup, everything seemed to start from nowhere suddenly. "You should move back to live," Chen Xiaolu said abruptly, and then glanced at me, "It's convenient for us to meet up." "Okay, I'll go back and move things at dawn." "I'll go with you." Chen Xiaolu said. After the tea was finished, I went back to the kitchen, lit the gas again, and boiled another pot of boiling water. When I returned, I saw Chen Xiaolu flipping through a row of video tapes in front of the bookcase. "Want to see it?" "I want to see Juliette Binoche in 'Blue'." "Look." I turned on the VCR and the TV, and stuffed the video tape into the tape compartment. When I was rewinding the tape, I finally couldn't help it and asked, "Will you move it here?" Chen Xiaolu glanced at me: "Let's not talk about this, okay?" My heart sank, but my mouth continued to ask as if I was not happy: "What should I do in the future?" "After what?" "We two." Chen Xiaolu looked at me with some frustration, and turned her eyes away after a while. "Hey—" I called her again. "Can't you say something else?" She looked at me. "Say what?" "For example: "Blue"." ""Blue" was filmed by a director named Kieslowski. In addition to "Blue", he also filmed "Red" and "White". Among the three heroines, I like to play " Julie Delby in "White" hates Binoche the most, even her performances in "Lovers on the New Bridge" and "Prague Spring" I also hate, I hope the one that Kieslowski fucked is She—knows why, because the two of them are likely to hit it off, and both are compelling enough—does she still want to hear it?" "What do you mean?" An unhappy look appeared on Chen Xiaolu's face. "It's nothing, I just hate 'Blue', and I hate 'The Ten Commandments' too." "What are the Ten Commandments?" "Bad movie - also made by Kieslowski." "Then I won't watch it." Chen Xiaolu threw the remote control away, stood up from the seat, took two steps, and sat on the bed. I think she must have heard dissatisfaction from my tone, so we didn't speak and fell into silence. I looked up at the watch, and it was five o'clock in the morning. "Aren't you watching something else?" I asked her. "I don't want to watch it." "Hey—" I looked at Chen Xiaolu and saw that she was waiting for me to continue, so I said, "Forget it—that's it." "What does that mean?" "Just like we are now." "I'm tired—I'm really tired when I'm with you." Chen Xiaolu said as she climbed onto the bed and lay down. I sat down in front of the TV, turned it on, pulled out "Blue" from the cassette compartment, and replaced it with a Martin.Scorsese's "Raging Bull" looks up. When I am in a bad mood, I often watch this movie. This movie tells the story of a boxer, directed by Robert.Starring De Niro, the whole film is clean and tidy, and De Niro's performance is dry and his punches are very good. While I was watching a movie, Chen Xiaolu leaned up from the bed from time to time, glanced at me, and then turned back. I knew that she was also in a dilemma with me. After watching the movie for more than two hours, it was already dawn. I turned off the TV, emptied the full ashtray, took a hot shower in the bathroom, and changed into a pair of washed-white jeans and a black short-sleeved shirt. T-shirt, a plaid shirt, and start cleaning the room. Chen Xiaolu woke up, sat on the head of the bed, her hair was disheveled around her head, her big eyes stared blankly at me walking in and out of the house, without saying a word, until I cleaned the floor, and looked at it when I came back There is really nothing left to fix. I sat back on the sofa and looked at her. "It's really hardworking." She scratched her head with her hands and said. "It's just boring." I said, and handed a cup of hot water to her. "Would you like to sleep for a while?" "No, I'm not sleepy." "Want to eat?" "No, I don't want to." "Maybe—" she looked at me and said slowly, "Maybe, it's not good for you to go on like this." "It's not good for you either." "I can leave him, I can find a job, and I can be with you." She said word by word, "But everything has to be done slowly." "From today onwards, from now on—I can be with you, do anything, even be a salesman, or, you go to school first—" Chen Xiaolu let out a long sigh, and suddenly stopped talking. "What's wrong with you?" I asked her. "I—I don't know you yet, I just slept with you." I lowered my head, not knowing what to say. "I like to sleep with you." Chen Xiaolu said. She stood up, and I walked towards her step by step, looking at her, not letting her out of my sight, I sat next to her, took her hand, then hugged her, and put her head on my chest. "I would like to go to bed with you, go to bed endlessly, and do nothing but go to bed, that would be great." Chen Xiaolu said in my arms. It sounds like something out of a popular novel—let's go to the prairie, to the mountains, to a place where no one is there, just the two of us, no one else, and we'll be happy from now on, and so on.However, Chen Xiaolu's words still make my heart pound, I don't know what is stopping her from being with me, but I know that she has a desire to be with me, that's enough to make me hug her head even tighter Chest up. "I'm going to brush my teeth and wash my face—I'll go carry things with you later, okay?" I nodded, Chen Xiaolu got out of my arms, kissed me lazily, and then ran to the bathroom, when I heard the door shut with a bang, I leaned back and fell on the bed. 67 On the way back to the Agricultural College, Chen Xiaolu and I returned to normal, and even joked with each other. There were three traffic lights on the way from Andingmen, going north to Anzhen Bridge. The cars were jammed together, and Chen Xiaolu was holding the steering wheel , chewing gum in her mouth, started and stopped constantly, and joked with me at the same time, I watched her profile from time to time, due to adequate sleep, she seemed very energetic, her face was rosy, and her voice was louder than usual. We went on the third ring road, turned right at Jimen Bridge, and took the expressway. Forty minutes later, we came to the Agricultural College. I went upstairs to remove the computer. Chen Xiaolu opened the trunk and helped me install it. Then, we We drove all the way back to Andingmen, and had a quick meal at the KFC fried chicken restaurant on the side of the road. Each of us ate two chicken wings, two buns, two boxes of mashed potatoes with chicken juice, coffee for me, and Coke for Chen Xiaolu , Then, she drove the car downstairs to me, I took the computer out of the trunk, Chen Xiaolu closed the trunk lid, and said: "I won't go to school, there are classes in the afternoon, I'll go home and pick up the books. " Holding a big box in my hand, I nodded to her: "Okay." "Phone!" She made a phone call gesture to me, and then got back in the car, and I watched her slowly back out, turn around, and drive towards the road. I moved the computer and monitor into the building in two trips, took the elevator, got home, installed them, called Zhao Dongping, and told him that I couldn’t write in the agricultural college, so I went home to write, but Zhao Dongping didn’t listen. It's strange, just talking on the phone every day and telling each other about the progress of the story. I walked up to the balcony, stood in the dazzling sunlight, and watched the slow-moving vehicles on the Second Ring Road downstairs in a daze. Suddenly, I felt like I was sitting in Chen Xiaolu’s car talking to her, and suddenly, I thought of our tenderness at night, and for a while, I felt extremely uncomfortable. 68 "People just want to go to bed with you—you'll scare people away sooner or later, my suggestion—" Daqing slammed a glass of draft beer on the table and waved his hand, "Fuck it, fuck it once Once, there is no use in thinking about anything else." When I said this, I was sitting with him in an empty bar near Xisi. It was exactly five o'clock in the evening, and the people who got off work passed by outside the bar. "How is Wu Li?" "If you don't believe me, if you don't take what you put there, you will disappear, and you don't know where to go." "What's the matter with you guys?" "I don't know, there's no reason—" "Did you quarrel during this passage?" "No - I'm outside every day, and she's busy with work, so she sleeps when she comes back." "What did she say?" "Didn't say anything—it's over." Daqing has an introverted personality, and he is often reluctant to tell others about his own affairs. His friends all know this. When he talks about others, he often talks about the occurrence and results of the incident, and then adds the reasons and his own analysis. He is often tight-lipped about his own affairs. If he doesn't want to tell you, you don't want to know. We were silent, and after drinking two more bottles of beer, Daqing said: "I took a job, a series, in Shanghai, the crew is built in Shanghai, the actors and staff are all Shanghainese, leave the day after tomorrow-you-you Bar." So, we broke up in front of the bar and went home. 69 Daqing left, and never came back. He heard that Shanghai Film Studio’s director’s office happened to be recruiting some young directors, so Daqing stayed in Shanghai. Two years later, Daqing returned to Beijing to shoot a documentary. Friends got together, and when it came to Wu Li, Daqing said that Wu Li left him a note and then moved to another city, got married, and had a child. In Wu Li's words, it is called "living a normal life" And Daqing also found everything he likes in Shanghai, Irish coffee, foreign-style architecture, local Shanghai cuisine, and of course, Shanghai chicks with delicate skin, slender figure, and Wu Nong's soft language. Maybe, on a certain night, Daqing will still remember the people in Beijing, and his life in his youth. Maybe, Daqing is still trying to find answers to questions such as the meaning of life—but, walking in the middle of the night Among the pedestrians on the streets of Beijing, Daqing's short and fat body is indeed missing, and his voice is also gone. Friends sometimes meet and occasionally mention him. The construction on the asphalt pavement sprinkled with water will point to a drunk who urinates on the street and shout at us: "Look, isn't that Daqing?" 70 Ever since I became a freelancer, there is a feeling that often comes to my mind, that is, the sense of incompleteness in life. Daqing is an example. Today you share the same goals with him, eat together, and feel depressed together. Tomorrow he will fly away and suddenly disappear. This is the same with others, without a specific and consistent goal ahead, without a single thing to unify life, I often feel like a piece of garbage floating on the river, drifting with the current, and the scenery on both sides of the bank slowly passes by me one by one. It has nothing to do with me. At the age of thirty, I am still the same as before. I don’t know what I need and what needs me. I just spend time in this way, far away from all concrete things, forever within reach. It's the froth around me, yes, it's froth, and I'm restless, frightened, trying to grab something, but when I reach out, I always pick up froth that looks like something solid. It's nothing until you pick it up.At first, some thoughts such as anxiety and hope came to my mind. After a long time, I finally became numb. When I saw the strange things around me, I didn't even bother to stretch out my hands.So, the feeling of fragmentation arises spontaneously. Yes, my life is fragmented and scattered, like a piece of confetti flying in the air. There is no pain, no feeling, no past, and no present—however, when I met Chen Xiaolu , I am not like this, I am obsessed with her every move, and I can't stop.