Chapter 5 41-50

41 In my helpless thirty-year life, I tried three times to emerge from a life of stagnant water, and three times I stretched out my hand to grab the straws floating around me. Needless to say, the result is conceivable. Finding that the life-saving straw was missing and my hands were empty, I hope this will make me learn my lesson and not float up, but sink deeper into the water. Sink into the water, strive to swim downstream, maintain a state of despair, never dream, never be free, never accept temptation. no way!no way!no way! 42 In real life, almost everything that has to do with hope turns out to be bad.

If this kind of thing is related to emotion, it will even become a terrible story, a terrible story, and it is scarier to tell it once than to experience it once. 43 Looking forward from my window, there is a cornfield, and further forward, there are short trees with different postures, and further forward, there is still a cornfield, and further forward, there is a green windbreak forest belt.I was sitting at the table, my mind was in a daze, Chen Xiaolu, it was already the seventh day, God took seven days to create a human being, but as a human being, I couldn’t hear another person’s voice.Of course, these two things have nothing to do with each other.

However, in those few days I had already lost my mind——Chen Xiaolu. Anyway today I want to hear your voice. In order not to let myself think of Chen Xiaolu anymore, I decided to change my environment. Two days ago, I called a screenwriter named Zhao Dongping and asked him if he had any scripts to write. Zhao Dongping is a teacher at the Film Academy. Apart from writing scripts, he often finds time to teach students. He is a nice guy. He happened to accept a job in a costume drama, so he simply recruited me to join us and write the outline of that costume drama together. The producer gave him 5,000 yuan. He bought an air conditioner and hung it at home without hesitation. Thanks to his mercy, he left me 1,000 yuan, so I moved to the faculty dormitory of the Film Academy in the Northern Suburb Agricultural College to work with him. Write an outline.Of course, in order not to disturb each other, we divided the 20-episode outline into two halves, ten episodes each. Lao Zhao found me an empty room, and I moved in. The facilities in the room were just what I wanted, a table, A bed, a chair, a computer I brought from home, that's all.

44 I stood up from the table, walked out, came out of the family building of the Agricultural College, walked through a narrow small road, exited the Agricultural College, crossed a road, and entered the Power College opposite, asking left and right , I finally found a public phone, I dialed it, the man who answered the phone was a man, he quickly handed the phone to Chen Xiaolu, I didn’t know what to say, and finally I said: "I miss you." Hang up the phone, walk out of the phone booth, and return to the street, looking around, it's desolate. I went back to the house, made up my mind, and started to write the outline of the script. As I wrote, my mood calmed down, but I didn't dare to stop writing, because I knew that as long as I stopped, what was waiting for me would be unbearable anxiety and anxiety. anxiety.

I'm hungry, but I dare not stop, I write like someone is whipping me, I write like a hungry mouse eats, I write to the boundless darkness and oblivion, to the end and the end of the world, My hands were sore, and tears flowed from my eyes staring at the monitor, but I kept writing, and the keyboard was knocked loudly by me. 45 In the relationship with others, the last thing I want to do is to force others to change my will. No matter who it is, even if it is good for others, I don’t want to do that. Of course, I will not change my will because of others. Will, even if it is good for me.

Just like me and Chen Xiaolu, no matter how much I long for her, I will not run to her, I wait for her own decision. 46 It's almost dusk, and I'm still writing non-stop, and I'm going to write until the last bit of energy is exhausted, and I hope I can fall asleep and forget everything. Outside, the sky is gray, like mourning. 47 On the bed, after our first mess, Chen Xiaolu covered her face with her hair, and told me a lot in a homely tone, because she talked too much, so she had forgotten a lot.All I remember is that she said many things to me in order to prove that she liked me very much, although these words and many things that were said afterward turned out to be nonsense.

But, but—I always love to hear her talk to me, whether it's on the phone, or in bed, or when we eat together, or when we go shopping together. I remember a lot of things, just like I said just now, even the tone and tone of her speech, even the demeanor and movements when she spoke, even the weather at that time, and even the sound played on the stereo. I remember all the tracks on the album. Anyway, I remember everything. 48 Part of the reason why I came to the Agricultural College was because there was no telephone here, which was very inconvenient. In this way, I could no longer think about whether I could contact Chen Xiaolu. Of course, Chen Xiaolu couldn't find me.

But, from day one, I found a payphone right away, even though it was in the College of Power, across from the Faculty of Agriculture. However, from the first day, I made a hundred calls to Daqing every day, because I knew that Chen Xiaolu could get in touch with Daqing. From this, Daqing can easily draw a conclusion: my behavior is full of contradictions, unreasonable, and absurd. 49 The outline was progressing at the speed of two episodes a day. After writing the sixth episode, I allowed myself to rest for a while. First, I flipped through the reference books for a while, and then I found that my legs started to walk by themselves, and I walked to the public phone booth of the Institute of Power automatically. Stop, I exchanged some coins, dialed Daqing's number, Daqing heard my voice, and said to me without thinking: "Come back."

So, I flew out of the Institute of Power and ran to the street. Because of forgetting my shape, I accidentally fell into the ditch on the side of the road. Of course, this was a piece of cake for me. In a daze, I chased a speeding taxi all the way. If I hadn’t run out of energy, I might have chased back to the city. Fortunately, after running a few hundred meters, I foamed at the mouth and sat until By the side of the road until the next taxi comes a long way away. 50 I almost broke in and shot into Daqing's house like a bullet. To my surprise, Chen Xiaolu was not there, the room was empty, and Daqing was sitting on the sofa alone, with a mysterious smile in his eyes, saying nothing. looking at me.

"Daqing—" I called out. "I am!" Daqing enthusiastically stood up and pulled me to the sofa, "Sit down." Then he poured me a cup of tea and brought it to me. "Daqing—" I called out, "Where's the person?" Daqing laughed out loud. "What's wrong?" I asked. "Fuck - fuck - fuck -" Daqing started to circle around me, and this turn made me dazzled. "What's the matter?" "You have to listen to me too - I said 'come back' to my daughter-in-law, it's not your turn yet! I answered your call and she was asking if I was coming back from shopping or should I go out with her Eat together—fuck, fuck—" Daqing said another hundred "fuck" in a row, and then he said the concluding remarks like nonsense: "You are completely crazy."

The door opened, and Wu Li walked in, holding a bunch of cheap goods bought in Xiushui. The things bought in Xiushui are easy to identify, because they are always packed in black garbage bags. "Go over there and talk, I'm going to try on clothes!" Wu Li said to us excitedly. So, Daqing and I came to the hall. I said to Daqing: "Then I'll go first and go back to write the outline, and I'm still four episodes away!" Daqing grabbed me and said, "Don't, don't, don't, come all the way here." "I'm leaving, goodbye." Seeing that the situation is not good, I rushed out, but Daqing laughed from behind: "Don't regret it, goodbye." I got stuck in the crack of the door and stopped: "What's wrong?" Daqing pulled me in and said, "Chen Xiaolu and her husband have left, we will have dinner at Jinsong later." "real?" "You are already like this, it would be too immoral for me to lie to you again, am I that kind of person?" "How am I? What does 'it' mean?" "What do you mean? If this is the case, you will be so ridiculous." Daqing replied with a smile.