Chapter 4 61-80

61 When a lover hooks up and commits adultery, someone must help. Real life is not like a movie. The hero nods to the heroine no matter what the situation is, and says: "Hey, I'm Bob", and the two know each other. Then, the two You can go on and on, but in reality, the heroine will not take the next step, at most she will say in her heart: "Are you sick?" In real life, people are often very vigilant, and the hero and heroine must be It was introduced, otherwise, everyone would pass by each other with an attitude of being indifferent. Especially when it comes to the first meeting of men and women who are going to fuck each other, the introducer is very important. I think this kind of organization form similar to the sex mutual aid association is one of the most vital organizations in the society, and it is also the most valuable organization for mankind so far. One of the forms, no matter how powerful the state is, no matter how strict the system is, and no matter how effective the organization is, it cannot be compared with it. When it comes to helping others to have smooth sex, I think the state machine is obviously weak In the loose organization of the people, in the relationship network woven by friends, colleagues, classmates, relatives and parents, it is very difficult to solve problems such as employment, but it is the strength of this network to let young men and women meet and have sex. The network is so generous that taxes are rarely drawn from it, imagine, if you push this to the country (even the most developed United States), then the country will hardly be as peaceful as it is now, I mean, According to an old Chinese adage-an upright official can't judge housework, that is to say, if the king of a country is entangled in the sexual affairs of his own nation, then his life must be difficult-even I would doubt that, like the president of the United States A good job, will anyone still risk being assassinated to snatch the 4-year term?It seems that the people have left the most difficult things in the world to themselves, instead of bothering the country, so that the country only needs to set up courts and hospitals, and solve the problems such as procedures and accidents caused by it, and make money from it. There is oil and water to fish for.I dare say that no authority has ever cared about the matching of resources between the sexes, and scientific research can’t help much. Things that can be settled by a man and a woman just by looking at each other may not be so troublesome if they are put in front of power. , Moreover, the consequences are even more unpredictable. Look, God knows how confusing those matchmaking agencies have made the sex market!I have never heard of a government official from any country saying such level words as "Sexual intercourse is a major issue related to the national economy and the people's livelihood", but it is like "the relationship between Britain and the United States is very important". I don't know why taxpayers spend money to hire these politicians!I only know that since Aristotle, "politics" has seldom put forward ideas of any value. Up to now, it has completely turned politics, which involves everyone, into a club of ugly performances. The farce was staged in various countries around the world. Surprisingly, no one booed the circus troupe to disband.

62 So much digression. This is Feifei's strengths. On the second night, Xiaochun Feifei and I went to the regiment to pick up Hum. Fortunately, during this trip, I got something else. I mean, in Feifei's dormitory, I fell in love with Zhao Yan and Xu Jing who were in the same dormitory as Feifei. We parked the car in the parking lot in front of the troupe, and then went to Feifei's dormitory to wait. Feifei said she was going to call Buzzing. Because I was often with Xiaochun, and often came to Feifei's dormitory, I often met with Feifei's classmates, and I was familiar with them, and I even knew about every girl.

Feifei lives with two girls, Zhao Yan and Xu Jing. The two have in common that they are very white. Another thing in common is that they both have a boyfriend in Beijing, so they can speak Beijing fluently.Zhao Yan is from Shandong, with a thin waist and fat buttocks, big eyes, tall, and dull eyes. I think he is a promising advertising model. Xu Jing is from Tianjin. She looks precocious and talks to me nervously. Son, like an adult, but among her peers, she likes to play with people. Once before a performance, everyone lifted her up and stuffed it into the trash can. In fact, her appearance is sometimes too serious, which makes people stay away. .

The third thing the two of them have in common is that they are very serious, and they hope to make no mistakes since they were very young. The boyfriends they found are all honest and reliable, and they are the same age as me, that is to say, they are 10 years older than them. When they were most innocent, at that time, they only hoped to have a chance to stick together. I saw the photos of their two boyfriends. From the photos, both boyfriends were wearing suits. One is like roast chicken, the other is like a circus juggler, but for some reason, the girls in the same class think their boyfriend is very handsome.

Before Buzzing came, I chatted with Xiao Chun, Zhao Yan and Xu Jing. They said that their boyfriends didn’t care about them, and told us a lot of troubles, so I suggested to them to try me, and I advised them: find a Boyfriend, aiming at marrying him, this is not good, because then you will miss more boyfriends, how can you know what you really need at such a young age, the only way is to try more while you are young.When they told me that they were decent people, I told them again, I said: You can’t be so irresponsible for your life, it’s too serious, try messing around with me, maybe there are new ones found it.The two said in unison that they did not want to have any new discoveries.At this point I should have stopped, but Feifei and Buzzing hadn't arrived yet, so I had to try to save them for the last time: don't pretend to be so desperate, change it, even if it's worse, at least, changing the taste is not bad No big deal.Of course, these are not my exact words, my original words are much more vivid, but the two girls are still unmoved, we have met many times before, but I have never wanted to risk being seen by them as a hooligan Come to tell them what I said above. This time I speak out, but they really treat me as a hooligan. Instead of being grateful for my deep affection for them, they misunderstand me completely. Therefore, when I asked them When I called the phone number, I suspected that the one they gave me was fake.

I think this aptly demonstrates the fourth commonality of the two girls, namely: a very wary heart. Fortunately, when I felt powerless against these two stupid girls, Feifei led Buzzing and pushed the door open. 63 Buzzing kicked the door open and came in. She walked in front of Feifei, looking arrogant and high-spirited. On Xiaochun's lap, he said, "Zhou Wen, which one do you like?" I said, "I like them all." "I really like them, but I don't like them?" We can talk about whether it’s true or not.” Buzzing in, he said, “Old Zhou, have you invited him to dinner?” “I’ll invite you now,” I said, turning to the two girls, “I’ll invite you to dinner today.” Zhao Yan said: "My boyfriend is here to pick me up today." Xu Jing said: "My boyfriend is also here today." I shook my head and said to Buzzing: "They won't." Buzzing jumped up from the bed, grabbed Xu Jing shook her head: "Jing Jing, you can go to eat with Lao Zhou, you can go to have dinner with Lao Zhou, Lao Zhou is very good." Jing Jing teased her and said: "You don't look for good people." Buzz said : "Go! I don't want to find a boyfriend." "Why?" Feifei asked her with a smile.

"I feel stupid." After this, the three girls were not happy: "Om Om, who are you talking about!" Om Om twisted his waist and tossed his hair: "Tell me!" Zhao Yan looked at me: "Hey, go find Buzz, look how good Buzz is!" "Go! I don't want a boyfriend, what's the use of a boyfriend!" Buzz said. "Then you still recommend it to us, we have all of them." "Don't you guys like boyfriends, the more the better." "That's right." I echoed. "You!" Buzz pointed at me, "Rogue!" Then he burst out laughing.

"Then when will you have dinner with us?" Xiaochun said. The two girls looked at each other: "In the future." "Then let's go." Xiaochun said. "Goodbye." The two girls said goodbye behind. 64 Xiaochun and I took Feifei and Buzzing all the way back to the East Highlands, Buzzing on the back seat of the car, turning his head and looking at both sides of the road, chatting with Feifei, with a nervous expression on his face, I think Feifei must have told She was going to introduce her boyfriend tonight, Xiaochun was driving beside me, he asked me: "What do you think of the two girls in Feifei's dormitory?" I said: "It's okay, Zhao Yan is pretty, if Xu Jing I'm familiar with it, I guess it's a cutie." "What did you say? Zhao Yan is beautiful?" Buzz objected, "The eyes are so big." "What's wrong with big eyes?" Tell Zhao Yan." "Don't say it, don't say it." Buzzing said.

"Actually, Xu Jing is nice, and Xu Jing's boyfriend treats her badly." Feifei said. "Yes, Xu Jing is good, Zhao Yan's temper is not weird." Buzzing interface said. "Hey, Feifei, I asked them for a pager, do you think it's real or not?" I handed a piece of paper to Feifei, snatched it, looked at it, and said to me, "It's all true. You call them." Along the way, we chatted, and when we came back to my place, Feifei and I were cooking together, and Xiaochun was watching TV. The meal had just been prepared, and the boyfriend we introduced to Buzz, my classmate Lao Wei arrived as scheduled.

65 Let me introduce Lao Wei again. Lao Wei and I are classmates in high school, and his biggest characteristic is his kindness. For this reason, in this world of sinister people, he has suffered great misfortune, but Lao Wei is unaware of it, and he uses a kind of muddleheaded In high school, we used to watch movies together. When he was going to school in the morning, he passed by a movie theater. Therefore, he developed a habit of braking at the ticket window of the movie theater every day. I went to school in the morning. During self-study, I can often see him walking into the classroom, putting away his schoolbag, and then waving his hand to me. I will drop what I am doing and go to skip class and watch movies with him. I remember his favorite set of movies. It is "The Story of Torajiro", and every time the ending makes him very happy, Torajiro often plays a little trick when the story is almost over, that is, he goes around to the girl he loves until the girl runs away with someone else. Wei saw the heartfelt laughter often bursting out there. I was very puzzled by it at the time, because I couldn't see what was funny, but he could tell it at a glance. I think he, like Torajiro, has never embraced life. What to expect, there are too many shadows of Torajiro in him, he has no ambitions, muddle along, easy-going, sloppy, sensitive in heart, and has a deep-rooted sense of identity with failure. He likes failure very much, and anyone's failure can Make him laugh, even at his own failures.

One thing that impressed me deeply was his intelligence and intelligence when he was admitted to college. When he entered high school, he ranked last in our class. At that time, he was not very interested in learning, but had a soft spot for shooting sports. , he participated in the Beijing Shooting Sports School. Every day after school, he hurried to practice shooting with a small-caliber rifle. His shooting results were not satisfactory, which finally made him give up training before the college entrance examination. He didn't have any confidence in whether he could pass the test, and he almost signed up for an exam-free college. Unfortunately, his oral English level was too low to be admitted, so he had to bite the bullet and take the college entrance examination.Surprisingly, his grades were ranked first in our class, and with the handicap of the sports school, he could be admitted to any top prestigious university in the country. Unfortunately, he underestimated himself and did not apply for his choice. Well, I only went to a national key university. The thing that connects me and Lao Wei is not movies, nor exams, but girls. We are connected in this way: since we met in high school, he has shown extraordinary interest in girls I like, as long as I like He will fall in love with me. After I got the girl, he played with us. He never only looked for the girl, but aimed at the girl I was looking for. For this reason, he suffered a lot of economic losses for a long time. Because I often had nothing to play with, he had to pay the bill when we played together, but he seemed to be willing to do so, so between me and the girl, he was always standing like a light bulb, but he also had a strange talent, that is, he could always Find a good position for myself among the three, for example, during the outing, he took pictures of me and the girl, etc. Often, the three of me, the girl and Lao Wei got together and wandered around in Beijing, of course , he can also get a little sweetness. When the three of us got acquainted, he began to look for various opportunities to take advantage of girls, hugging, and groping. Without exception, I suffered from his hands and feet, and no one was spared. In order to treat his problems, for a few years, I only looked for girls with flat chests, and I won the reputation of a flat-chest workshop director, until he complained endlessly. , Complaining to me frequently, of course, there are more terrible consequences, those girls who can't adapt to his sexual harassment often even fire me. Of course, in order to get rid of this strange phenomenon, Lao Wei and I have been making unremitting efforts. I introduced one girl after another to him. The strange thing is that the girls I introduced are generally not interested in him. There are only two exceptions. , once happened in college, I introduced him to a classmate of my sister, the two finally got along, I was able to get rid of him, and he also tried to avoid me as if he had found happiness, lest I borrow money from him, To spoil his happiness, these were the best years of his youth, until the girl left him.Another time, I will talk about it later, let’s not talk about it here, these two things made him form a superstition, thinking that even if he finds a girl, he must take the girl with me, otherwise, the girl will soon walk away from him. Gone, with this superstition, I thought, it would be hard for me to get rid of him again. Of course, there are also tragic times, that is, when I can’t find a girl, and Lao Wei also plays a role at this time. He encourages me, urges me to go there whenever there is a chance to meet a girl, and even lends me money. Still in debt to him. During the long ten years of our acquaintance, our peculiar relationship has been maintained, allowing us to personally form a not-so-complete communist combat group (while fighting for life, for a long time, living a half-life communism, the life of a half-communist wife). It is such a person that I want to introduce to Hum. 66 Lao Wei was dressed as a salesman, with a brand-name suit, a leather handbag, fine trousers, and a cotton shirt lining. He went into the kitchen to wash his hands, and then sat at the dining table. I said to Buzz: "Buzz, this It's your boyfriend, Lao Wei." He smiled wickedly at Lao Wei again, "This is Buzz, you should take a good look at each other first, and then eat after watching." Buzz lowered his head and began to eat: "What's so interesting, Isn’t she a human being?” Lao Wei really listened to me, he didn’t even take his chopsticks, he looked directly at Buzzing, his gaze was like a swarm of mosquitoes biting her body, making Buzzing very uncomfortable. "How is it?" Xiaochun asked Lao Wei. "How?" Feifei asked buzzing. The two looked up at each other again without speaking. "I'm hungry." Lao Wei said, and began to eat. During the meal, Feifei asked questions, and Lao Wei briefly introduced his work experience, that is, the little history of how he encountered obstacles in society.He first worked in a communication company for two years. His job was to buy train tickets for the employees of the company. Because of his naivety, he failed to keep such a job and was fired, so he began the life he least wanted. Lao Wei is very lazy, gets by, and doesn’t have high requirements for life, but he was forced to change jobs one after another. He worked as an ice cream salesman, sold early pregnancy test strips, and stayed in two baby milk powder companies for a while. Time, and then selling imported drugs in major hospitals in Beijing, etc. Now, he has finally found a stable job as an import and export agent in an import and export company. Of course, God knows how long he will be able to do this job. There is a history of blood and tears of migrant workers. In short, a meal was finished in Lao Wei's tragic experience. Of course, everyone spent too much time helping him to sigh, so the meal was very uncomfortable. When collecting the dishes and chopsticks, Even the buzzing eyes that looked at him were full of sympathy. He wanted to make a move, but everyone said, don't move, just stay. So Lao Wei stayed there, looking pitiful, as if seeing Hum Hum today was just an experiment that the society imposed on him.Buzzing and Feifei went into the kitchen to wash the dishes. I asked Lao Wei: "How is it?" Shaking his head: "It's no use, Buzz complained, saying how to introduce the people from Si Zhanger to her." I looked at Lao Wei: "It seems that this matter is settled like this." Lao Wei nodded: " Introduce me to a better one next time." At this time, Buzz came in, and I asked her: "Buzz, what do you think of your boyfriend?" Buzz kicked me so high that it almost hit my forehead, I was anxious With quick hands, she grabbed her foot, and a vertical fork came buzzing on the ground. She really deserves to be a graduate of the dance academy, and she is very skilled. I let go, and she punched me again, saying : "Don't make jokes." I said, "Om Om, don't worry, Lao Wei won't pester you, he doesn't like girls who are too old." "Are you saying I'm old?" Om Hum rolled his eyes and said. "I'm conveying other people's opinions!" "Go! Get out! - Disappear in front of my eyes immediately!" Buzz pointed at me and ordered like a master magician. 67 I really hope that I can disappear from this world as Hum wished. If Hum is some kind of effective spell, then I can be freed from my reality. Unfortunately, language has never been so magical Power, the power of language lies in deception, it is an untrustworthy voice created out of illusion, I have lost faith in writing when I realize this, and to be honest, when I first moved to the East Highlands, I still had no confidence in language. With fantasies, I write at my desk every night, trying to hold a candle in my hand, illuminate my memory, and let the darkness of the past reproduce its original appearance. I am not sure what I will see, but I hope that my past will be in Shining in the flickering candlelight, showing rich and charming outlines, I have an unrealistic and empty belief in my imagination, but the past that emerges from my pen is clearly suspicious, and time has spoiled it , decayed, turned into ashes, and disappeared behind me. When I turned around, everything had already disappeared. 68 Irreversible, those irretrievable years, those irrevocable emotions, I can recall those things, they finally become irrevocable experiences - I can't go back to being 7 years old, I can't go back to being 7 years old Look, I can't experience the emotions when I was 7 years old, I can't feel endless joy from teasing frogs with branches like I was 7 years old, now, I can only sit under the lamp and feel sad for everything in the past, yes, I'm sad, I'm sad for myself, I'm sad for the world I have to be in, I'm sad for all the suffering - I live in this dark and monotonous world until I'm 31, getting bored and irritable , cold and hard-hearted, nothing can touch me, sometimes I watch movies, those disgusting family relationships, the love of fools and men and women, and the history of struggles of fools, all of them disgust me!I flipped through the broken books, only to see that they were full of bombast and nonsense. Apart from these, what else could the world offer?As I get older, the way I look at things tends to be more pessimistic and depressed, because I haven't seen any good endings in my life. As long as it is bad, it is guaranteed to grow and prosper, while good things come from like a dream. Flying around me, I can hardly feel good things, because every good thing must be tinged with stupidity-like those blind obedience, muddleheaded self-sacrifice to save others, it is not worth mentioning. 69 I can't, I said to myself, I can't be so cynical, because it's easy, like those gossiping women who are so dependent on the world and can't stop talking about it, I don't like that kind of people, they Immersed in the tradition for a long time, and then jumped out, calling myself an opponent, pointing fingers at the tradition, thinking that by doing so, I can elevate myself to the point of keeping pace with the tradition. I don’t like their horizontal style. An arrogant man who was born in the world, I look down on any actions that are not worthy of the name, and I am very disgusted with the idea of ​​once and for all, I came into the world, not an expert sent to solve problems about life, I know nothing, what I don't even know, I passively bear all kinds of problems in life until I am exhausted, I am so annoyed by life, but I can't do anything about it, I don't even look at the idea of ​​relief, yes, I am very pessimistic, I try to hide this as much as I can, almost as much as I hide my pessimism about life as an impropriety. 70 When I knew Hum, I was already in the above mental state, which was so bad that there was no cure. To this day, I am still swayed by strong pessimism. Only occasional hysteria makes me never To come out of that state and take a breather for a while, my life is built in that state, first, I obsessed with writing, then I obsessed with humming, and then I tried to forget everything. 71 However, when I wanted to send Buzz to Lao Wei, there were many more things that kept me thinking. At that time, I hadn’t thought of seducing Buzz. Being able to have a relaxed affair allows me to settle down and enjoy all the benefits that an affair can bring. I am willing to try no matter how unfortunate the experience is. I am not afraid of embarrassment or getting burned. The world is not enough for me to do what I can do with peace of mind. I wake up suddenly at night, and I barely fall asleep even in the afternoon. I think there is enough emptiness in my heart to hold the night in Beijing. The variety of ways of life that can be offered, in a word, my curiosity does not care how difficult the life is.Unfortunately, as long as the house leaks, there will be continuous rain, and the world has its own way of fighting curiosity. 72 My friends have a characteristic, that is, when I want to find them, they are always too busy or have nothing to do than me. The disadvantages of this kind of friends are obvious. Putting me in the way, this nasty skill is simply the strong point of my friends. In 1997, many new things emerged in Beijing, and ecstasy was one of them. For some reason, the bars and discos we frequented were all occupied by ecstasy fans who love to take ecstasy. One of its functions is that you are very It’s hard to find a talkative partner, fashionable girls are called over by you, and they often start to shake their heads as soon as they sit next to you until they make you dizzy. In the meantime, they occasionally vomit twice. You're too shy to complain when it comes to you, most of the girls we know fall into this category, so time and time again, nighttime parties go from bad to worse to a real disaster, I mean, under the influence of ecstasy When even the most extroverted actresses find their inner selves and immerse themselves in them, people like me lose all value in associating with them. And there's an even more ironic thing about it, I mean, there's a whole lot more people who don't take medicine than the ones who actually have medicine, and they've made a point of watching it pretty quickly to decide that in Shaking your head in public places in Beijing is a fashion, trying to imitate it, which not only makes it hard to tell the truth from the fake, but also because of the stupidity of those guys, the head shaking seems to have become more and more violent. The absurd phenomenon has turned Beijing into a miasma, adding a bit of humor to the nightlife in Beijing, which makes me, a person who is used to going out at night, feel sorry. I must point out that it is this unhealthy trend that makes me lose my close The opportunity of beautiful girls ruined my normal communication with them, and my hope of sniffing honey freely disappeared. 73 That boring party happened at the JJ Disco in Xinjiekou. There were more than a dozen people present, but soon, the girls ran to the dance floor to shake their heads. Didn’t they get drunk? There is also a foreign word corresponding to this called Shaking High. More than once someone told me that drinking and taking ecstasy have something in common. In my opinion, it is like Caucasians have a natural enthusiasm for clarity. I mean it originated from The scientific spirit of ancient Greece, and the enthusiasm of the colored people are just the opposite. They worship the muddleheadedly with all their dignity. In China, since ancient times, there has been a popular adage called "It's rare to be confused". This adage completely touts being confused as a virtue, and even thinks that it is difficult to reach that state. In fact, I have this kind of wisdom when I was 3 years old. , After growing up and learning to drink, you can still develop this state to the level of expressing it with physical movements.I used to privately think that with this bit of oriental wisdom, there would be absolutely no problem joining the World Laughing Butt Promotion Association. This kind of muddled state was eventually replaced by a more free-sounding word in modern times, that is "fly". After stimulants, people feel that they should be better than drunk, so they want to fly. Of course, this kind of flight does not need the help of aerodynamics at all. Just sit there and take off on the spot like a helicopter , As for why to fly, how to fly, and where to fly, you don't have to worry about it at all. This kind of situation is rooted in tradition. Since ancient times, there has been "Xiaoyaoyou", listen to it, "The Kun is so big, I don't know how many thousands of miles it is. When it turns into a bird, its name is Peng, and the back of the Peng, I don't know It’s thousands of miles away.” This kind of boundless feeling that comes from opening your mouth sounds completely like nonsense after taking ecstasy. I speculate that in China, the wise ancients have found a strange drug similar to ecstasy. Under the influence of the influence, those absurd theories came out one after another. In my opinion, the theories formed in this way have no other meaning except that they are the first in the field of false emptiness. It is a pity that their modern versions emerge one after another. This shows that in any world In the field, there is endless competition, and because it is too easy, the competition in the field of absurdity is particularly fierce, and there are many achievements, far beyond the imagination of ordinary people, and it is simply unimaginable. 74 Gossip less. In the disco, I had no medicine to drink, so I had to sit by the bar, listening to a friend next to me bargaining with an escort who came to the door. I knew an acquaintance, so the escort pulled him away from the bar to meet that person, so I realized that the situation was over, because I was neither drunk nor flying, it was impossible to have something to say with those dizzy guys, I glanced I went to my table and found that the men slipped away one by one. The girls finally found acquaintances after running around and stopped talking to us. Half an hour later, everyone had already dispersed. I packed up the mobile phone on the table and was about to leave. Suddenly, I saw Liu Qin once again. I walked out, went straight to the edge of the bar, and yelled "a bottle of mineral water" to the bartender. Before I finished speaking, I sat down on the chair next to me. The high chair fell to the ground, I pulled her up, and found that she was flying in a mess, her pupils were dilated, and her expression was in a trance. I handed her the mineral water and paid for her, and she just sat on the ground, With legs curled up, head bowed, while drinking water, she waved one hand up and down like a drum. After a long time, she recognized me, so she pretended to have a conversation and asked me to sit next to her. , I pulled her up and sat down at an empty table. Amidst the blaring music, we found it a pain to talk, so she grabbed my clothes with both hands, shook her head on the spot, my face The hair that was thrown up by her was whipped several times, and the pain was terribly painful, but there was nothing to do. After a while, two guys who looked like businessmen came over and pushed her. She looked at her, made a gesture to tell the other party to go, and walked away knowingly. After a while, she said to me: "Let's go." Let's go." "Where are you going?" "Do you have a place to go?" 75 Of course I have a place to go, I put her in my car and took her back to my house, along the way, she kept singing to the tape recorder in the car, one song after another, some she could sing, some she couldn’t She can sing, but she sings along every time, shaking down the windshield and spitting outside from time to time. After entering the door, she went to wash her face first, and then said to me that she was "it's okay, it's over", then she pulled me to sit on the sofa and said that she wanted to chat. I said to make her some tea, but she said no , I asked her if she wanted something to eat, she said she felt sick when she wanted to eat, I turned on the TV, she said it was too messy, and insisted that I play a disc of electronic music in the middle of the night, fortunately, I just cleaned the house and put A pile of modern music was thrown away as trash, and only a few hundred CDs of classical music were left, so she gave up the idea of ​​listening to music. But she still wanted to talk to me, she pulled my clothes, and said to me sincerely: "Zhou Wen, to be serious, let me ask you, is it better to fly higher after chasing Indian cannabis behind the blue butterfly, or chasing Yunnan cannabis?" ?” With just this one sentence, I have already figured out what kind of medicine she sells in her gourd. Needless to say, she is still flying, and flying very powerfully. I dragged her to the sofa, asked her to lie on her back, and raised her back so that she wouldn't spit out when she lay flat. She looked at me with a strange gleam on her face: "Zhou Wen, let me tell you something." Something." "What?" "There's something wrong with the pill they gave me." "What's the problem." "I think I've been duped." "What's wrong?" "I think the second pill they gave me was an aphrodisiac "" "How did you know?" "I was thinking about that." "Who are they?" "Don't interrupt—you don't know." "Oh." "I've never taken an aphrodisiac." "Then how do you know Are they giving you aphrodisiacs?" "I have a feeling," she said, "one of them always tried to do that to me, and I figured it out several times—" She laughed, "He lied to me yesterday When he came to his house, he begged me several times, but I didn't agree." "Oh." "Do you know how I feel?" She laughed again. "What does it feel like?" "You're sick of asking." "It's great that you feel it." "Why?" Then I'll make a sneak attack while you're asleep." "Impossible - I can't sleep, I'm so excited right now." I laughed out loud, she looked at me, and soon, laughed too. "It's so strange, how can I always meet you in strange places?" "I'm also strange." "Besides, I sleep with you every time." "Not necessarily this time." "This time, it's up to you this time That's it." Hearing this, I was elated, reached out and picked her up, and walked to the bed. "You said," she put her arms around my neck, "is this strange?" "I don't know." I put her on the bed and threw myself on her. "You know, I've never slept with anyone else casually except you." "How do I know?" She pushed me away: "What are you talking about!" "I'm wrong, okay?" I Pounced on again, she pushed me away again. "You speak too badly, give me the money!" She pretended to be angry and stretched out her hand to me. "If you insist on asking me for money, then I will have to counter the price." She withdrew her hand: "Forget it, it's cheaper for you——I'll tell you, it's the last time." On the bedside table, I picked up a cup of leftover tea I drank last night, took a sip, then lay down and turned my head to me: "My back is sore and sore, please give me a massage." "I won't." She smiled "Then you turn off the light, take off your clothes, and climb up, will it be all right?" ""How much time do you think is appropriate?""It should be half an hour.""It's only half an hour?""Do you want to turn on the light and talk big in front of me?""Didn't I say Big talk, I mean, the aphrodisiac you said is only half an hour long enough?" "I don't have enough, what's the use, you think—" "I thought," I said, "I can call some buddies. ＂＂那我明天一早就把你们都送进监狱――别废话了――你废话太多，这一点有人跟你说过吗？＂ 76 除了刘琴，很多人都说过我这人废话太多，对此，我没有感觉，事实上，我自己也不喜欢那些说话滔滔不绝的人，可是，那天夜里，我与刘琴说了很多话，也许说得太多了，无论她怎么提醒，我也要一句接一句地说下去，似乎吃兴奋剂的不是她，而是我，我一边与她乱搞一气一边对着她乱说一气，到后来，我们彼此以污言秽语相向，下流话一句接一句地从我们口中喷薄而出，真是过足了嘴瘾，我们说得十分开心，我们搞搞停停，床上床下地跑来跑去，甚至还放起音乐，跳了一段裸体舞，刘琴表现出她十分可爱的一面，我是说，她人情味十足，她对我讲了很多事，多得我一件也没记住，后来，她向我提出很多不着边际的问题，逼着我一个个回答，我回答不出，她就逼着我想，我想不出，她就叫我去查查书，那些问题往往题目大得惊人，什么性呀，社会呀，死亡呀，焦虑呀，孤独呀，后悔呀，宇宙呀，上帝呀，杂七杂八，当然，我完全是胡说八道一锅粥，这也没有影响她的兴致，她对我刨根儿问底，穷追不舍，很多令我好笑的问题被她以非常严肃的态度问出来，我就像一个赤身裸体参加法国高师哲学考试的学生，对每一个问题拼命回答，有一度，她对我讲出的任何答案都拍案叫绝，后来不行了，她的头脑渐渐清醒，我无论说什么她都一律嘲笑，其间，我与她一起抽了一支她卷的大麻，我也跟着她一起傻呵呵地笑个不停，再后来，我睡着了，她的性欲仍然没有消褪，我在半梦半醒的状态下，与她在性方面展开了好几次遭遇战，之后，我再次睡去，然后是一场稀稀拉拉的游击战，她睡一会儿，醒一会儿，活跃至极，看来她真是一个春药的受益者，我被她搞得疲于应付，到最后，我觉得自己缩在被子下面，活像一团儿用剩下的废纸，而她仍像一条小鱼一样活跃，我仍记得她给我的阴茎起的种种名字，其中一个叫＂面条儿＂，使我在梦中也被逗得笑出声来。她说话声音并不好听，却让人觉得亲切自然，我估计我们大概乱搞了有十次，虽然并不是每一次都成功，当然也不是每一次都失败，在她一次次的奇袭中，我感到了一种轻松至极的游戏所能带给人的种种乐趣，甚至疲倦也无法把这种乐趣夺走，刘琴青春焕发，不断地发出希望被轮奸的种种感慨，一直到第二天中午，她才沉沉睡去，到傍晚，我被一个电话叫醒，开车到三里屯的一个酒吧谈事儿，回来后，刘琴依然在沉睡，我也睡去，第二天中午，我醒来，她仍在睡着，我摇了她一下，不料却差点被一脚踢翻，于是我不再碰她，到晚上，她仍然在睡，我一个人看了一个电影，又到楼下去散步，刘琴醒来一次，上了趟厕所，吃了两片面包，说着要走，不料又倒在沙发上睡着了。我接到小春一个电话，说要与菲菲过来，于是再次叫刘琴，刘琴先是对我破口大骂，然后梦游似的在我的房间里转了一圈儿，最后倒回床上，再次睡去，我只好电话告知小春，叫他们另找地方，随后的一整夜，我一个人翻完了一本厚厚的《西方美术名作鉴赏辞典》，把从公元前二世纪到本世纪六七十年代的白人裸体女子看了个痛快，我发现，从画像上看，2000多年间，在白人画家笔下，女子从古代的姿态安详、神性端庄，发展到现代的形体扭曲，半人半兽，真是越来越粗野了，不知道是因为画家的缘故还是女子本身的缘故。据我推测，也许现代画家不像古代画家那样工作时头脑清醒，只是不时偷袭一下女模特，他很可能头脑混乱，因此行为更加大鸣大放，肆无忌惮，以至于把诱奸女模特与绘画工作混为一谈，成天胡搞一气，就像西方社会已经认可了成名画家可以恣意乱交的合法性一样。 77 我清晨出门，在路边小摊上吃了早点，看着滚滚不息的上班人流从面前经过，然后在勤奋的报摊小贩手里买了几份报纸，其中的一张上还登着一张刘琴的剧照，她在剧中扮演一个为事业与爱情奋斗不息的都市白领，幸亏是扮演，不然像在现实生活中这样昏睡百年就会麻烦上身，当然，我不能肯定她在我面前表现出来的是不是她的本色，更可能的是，她在扮演一个昏昏噩噩无戏可演的演员。 我回来已是早晨8点钟，刘琴踢掉被子，皱着眉头狂睡不止，我拿她的剧照与真人做了一下对比，发现判若两人，我从地上拾起被她踢掉的被子，一半盖在她身上，一半盖在自己身上，让她在我身边伴我入梦。 大概是上午10点来钟，刘琴醒来，她叫醒我，我让她一切自便，接着睡去，下午3点醒来后发现刘琴已经走了，餐桌上我给她带回的早点被她吃得一干二净，我收拾了一下房间，发现她除了一把坏掉的梳子以外，没有遗落任何东西，我本想打个电话问候一声，但一想她很可能并不愿意接听，就打消了这个主意，我给小春打了个电话，告诉她，我这里的姑娘走了，他要过来随时请便。 78 接下来几天，我投入写作，刘琴也没音信，倒是一个导演朋友找救急的女演员问过我，我把刘琴的电话给了他，事后也没了下文，小春与菲菲这一段处得不错，不再争吵，只是显得有点无聊，我曾向他们建议如果实在无事可做吵吵架也无妨，他们谢绝了我的好意，甜甜蜜蜜地抱成一团儿，菲菲团里要求练早功，于是两人天天相互接来送去，我在无所事事时，也与小春一起去菲菲的团里，与姑娘们耍耍贫嘴，我时常遇到嗡嗡，她仍是一副天真的样子，见面与我嘻嘻哈哈，丝毫没有想到将来有一天我会把她弄到床上，当然，我也没有想到，我曾几次做过徐静与赵燕的工作，苦口婆心地劝她们丢开男友，与我混上一段，但她们显然对此不感兴趣，她们俩加起来还不到40岁，却比一个40岁的人还稳健，闪着机警的大眼睛，在人世间寻找可以一劳永逸的爱情，对我所持的旁门左道观点不屑一顾，看来她们已经走上正路，其中赵燕正忙着收拾与男友新租的民房，摆弄丢在宿舍里的一个别人送的旧空调，徐静除了抱怨男友晚上不是看电视就是玩游戏，对她不理不睬以外，似乎一切顺心，有时，两个姑娘会谈到彼此的男友胸无大志，事业无望，我还劝她们最好自己先具有一些凌云壮志再去要求男友，俩姑娘对我的观点再一次表示不买账，在我看来，身边挂一个成天敦促自己上进的女友，对任何男人都是一个苦差事，不怕累不嫌烦的话，男人也许应该为爱而四处奔波，反正苦尽甘来之时，自然会有甩掉身边已经人老珠黄的长舌妇的机会，当然，苦尽甘来的机会并不很多，这样也不错，因为至少可以保住得来不易的爱情，当然，姑娘们往往也会见机行事，其中有点姿色的对死守爱情的想法也会改变，这已是我的老生常谈了。 79 无论靠别人或靠自己，那一段，眼看着我在姑娘方面无所建树，于是在外面混的时间越来越短，我的精力只能有一个地方可使，那就是读书写作，从长期来看，这是我在万不得已的情况下才会从事儿的行当，我想到＂与其临渊羡鱼，不如退而结网＂的古训，只好不无遗憾地缩回家里写我的名著，幻想某一天，我一夜成名之后，把我的捷达车换成法拉利跑车，这样即使再不舒服姑娘也愿意往上坐，可是，我一想到我成名后会给那些我也许并不欣赏的人带来同样的好处，就使我的工作情绪大受影响，工作劲头大打折扣。梵高那么努力画画，除了非常缺德地把他弟弟的油水榨干以外，在生前没得到丝毫享受，除了敢碰碰没人敢碰的劣等妓女外，与一个循规蹈矩的油漆工相差无几，最可气的是，留下几幅画还让那些擅长欺骗的画商饱足了私囊，就连学无所长而又满怀奇怪激情的欧文。斯通都通过写他的传记得到了好处，要是把那些擅长利用梵高的劳动成果成名致富的人集合在一起气梵高，那么他的向日葵就会画得更加疯狂，更可能的是，他要是未卜先知，说不定会一夜之间变得像毕加索、达利之流一样狡猾，不幸的是，在他生前，目光十分短浅，除了以画画为借口坑他弟弟以外，一点别的本事也没长，我可不想学他，我再怎么着也不愿让对我好的人吃大亏，让我看不上的人赚大便宜，况且，世上靠搞艺术欺世盗名的人多如牛毛，一个比一个腕儿大，我眼睁睁看着什么斯皮尔伯格什么吕克贝松之流一次次得手，以艺术的名义骗取钱财与名声，而在不学无术的公众眼里，他们竟没有成为二十世纪的著名诈骗犯被送上法庭，而是成为什么著名世界导演，真叫我有说不出的遗憾，他们诈骗得如此成功，以至于公众不觉得自己的艺术情感受到了愚弄，自己的眼泪随之一再贬值，反而无怨无悔地认为得到了无尽的享受，这除了让那些小骗子有说不出的嫉妒以外，也给那些雄心勃勃的后起之秀树立起不小的信心，他们会全力以赴狠挖这块诈骗市场的潜力，其中的标新立异之徒还会开辟新的领域，在新一轮的角逐中粉墨登场。他们之所以能这样猖狂、无耻地尽情表演，在我看来，只能说明公众的没出息是没有止境的，竟是一副你们敢骗我们就敢上当的勇敢劲头，反正闲着也是闲着。 80 唉，总是这样，一搞写作我就会麻烦上身，问题成堆：写本名著吧，骗得太狠，自己心里有点过意不去，这不是往污泥浊水里跳嘛，还别说，作为搞写作的，我这人还真有点烂泥糊不上墙，总想把自己从坏人堆里择出来，不骗吧，满腔的私欲一点也得不到满足，生活毫无乐趣可言，97年我已29岁，开始步入中年，随着我的知识及阅历一点点增多，人性恶在我心中悄然抬头，明显得特征是，我已开始形成了自己判断力，可以轻而易举地识破不少别人的人性恶，这是我对自己进行分析的结果，要知道，在我天真烂漫、管坏人叫叔叔的时候，我可不知道世上还有那么多欺世盗名的事情，那时候我甚至觉得什么＂如果冬天来了，春天还会远吗？＂是句叫得响的诗，而笨到无法看清那是一句明显的废话，而我29岁时知道了，而且，在那个年龄，由于我自己心中坏念头不断，因此，特别能够领会别人的坏念头，我看出大量名不副实的作品被人争相传阅，以图一睹为快，大量居心险恶的举动受到人们一致赞扬，大有争相摹仿之势，由于那时我死抱着一些父母学校教给我的人生信念，因此显得十分孤傲，一副不与人同流合污、与恶念头格格不入的样子，差点变成一个活鲁迅，幸亏我只是口头上的活鲁迅，仅仅在与朋友们聚会时高声谩骂，愤怒得一塌糊涂，而没有把一切诉诸笔端，要不然，我没准儿真会变成一个呐喊与彷徨专家，实不相瞒，我那时便认为搞艺术重要的是建立有价值的形式，而不是像法国解构主义那帮子不学无术的人一样去拆别人的台，自己连一点像样的东西都拿不出来，在此之前，我还真让不少外国所谓的当代思想家骗得够呛，甚至认为＂5月风暴＂是一场令人振奋的＂巴黎公社＂，我得承认，我那时急于汲取新知识，被那些充满陈词滥调、故弄玄虚的什么＂社会学＂＂符号学＂及各种＂主义＂给蒙倒了，直到受其影响的那帮子人脱颖而出，冲到社会上，干了些与朴实无华的知识分子身份极不相符的事情后，我才稍有警觉，接着，我找来他们的著作仔细一读，才算认清了他们的嘴脸，弄清了是怎么一回事，我现在手边就有一本法国罗兰。巴特写的不着边际的书，名为《神话――大众文化诠释》，我随便翻开，把第72页的胡言乱语顺手抄下，以博读者一笑。 ＂吃牛排代表一种本质与道德。它应该使所有类型的人受惠，因为它每一片都相同，尤其是对神经紧张和淋巴管腺方面，因为它满足了人们的需求。葡萄酒成为许多知识分子的中庸主义物质，带引他们朝向自然的原始力量，对他们来说，牛排是一种补偿性食物。有鉴于此，他们将知识主义提到散文与驱魔的水平，驱魔的方式是凭借血液与软绵绵的肉片，驱逐他们平常受到訾议的呆滞与艰涩。例如：对牛排塔塔酱的狂热，就是抗衡敏感及与病态有关的浪漫关联的神奇魔咒。在这种预备阶段中，可以找到事物的所谓萌芽状态：血糊和蛋白、柔软及赐与生命物质的完整和谐，一种分娩前形象的有意义轮廓。＂ 这段颠三倒四、异想天开、毫无意义的文字，落到我这种从小就熟读＂道生一，一生二，二生三，三生万物＂的人手里，当然原形毕露，不是吹牛，外国人要是敢斗胆与中国人比赛假大空，真是妄想，在这里我要不客气地指出，他们不仅太嫩了点儿，而且，简直连资格都没有，在他们刚开始学写天书的时候，我已经读了一堆天书了。 据说，巴特本人曾是一个在一片恶骂声中成长起来的作家，最终，他赢来好运，得以跻身于同时代的文化名流之林，与列维－斯特劳斯、福柯、拉康并肩，我知道，全世界的人都在读这帮时髦作家的书，但不知道其中有多少人像我一样，把他们的书当作没写好的笑话一样读，有时候在我懒得嘲笑他们时想：要是法国那位实事求是的老笛卡尔健在，看到他的后代作家敢这么胡作非为会怎么想，我猜到的是，往好里说，至少也要把他们拉一边去先学学几何，看看他们头脑清不清楚，然后最多好心把他们安排在神学院最次的学生辩论会上做旁听，让他们说话前先把逻辑搞清楚。当然，要是落在维特根斯坦手里，可能就剩下铁头拐杖招呼了，我这么说是根据老波普尔在剑桥三一学院的一次遭遇，以及老罗素更多次数的遭遇。