Chapter 2 21-40

twenty one While drinking tea in a small restaurant, Liu Qin didn't look at me and tilted her head, as if thinking about something. I asked for a bowl of noodle soup, and Liu Qin said she wanted to eat it too, so she ordered another bowl.There was a sink by the wall of the restaurant, Liu Qin went to wash her face, and wiped it off with a napkin when she came back. "You have a small white spot on your face." "Is that so? Where is it?" "The left side." She touched the left side of her face with her hand, and her fingers just passed over the scraps of paper without wiping it off.

"Is it still there?" "It's still there." She wiped it off again, and finally wiped it off, and said to herself while wiping: "I must have been ashamed just now." The soup came, and we ate it separately, silent to each other. After eating the noodles, Liu Qin broke into a fine layer of sweat, her complexion looked better, her eyes moved more flexibly than before, and her energy was much better. "What's your name?" "Zhou Wen." "Zhou Wen—I've heard of it—do you know Lao Niu?" "He introduced us—but you forgot." "I'm drunk." I ordered Have a cigarette.

"Where is Lao Niu?" "He is also drunk, and he asked me to take you home, but I don't know your family." She nodded thoughtfully, and then asked me: "What day is today?" "Thursday ""It's been a week." "What?" "Nothing." I asked the waiter to pay the bill, and then said to her, "Can you go home by yourself?" She seemed to wake up and said, "Yes." --thank you--" We stood up from our seats together, walked out of the restaurant, and came to the street. I didn't know what to say to her, and she seemed to be the same, a few times he hesitated to speak, and finally she said: "See you later." I nodded.

A taxi was coming, I stopped it, opened the door, and let her get in first, but she insisted on refusing. I stood by the car door and asked her, "Where do you live? If I drop by, I'll take you for a while." "I—you go first—I want to stay longer, because I have a headache." "I'm not in a hurry , it's okay." "I'm okay." "You go first." "You go first." "Then—" I opened the car door and was about to get into the taxi when suddenly she asked me: "You Live alone?" "Yes." I looked at her, waiting for her next words.

She looked left and right for a moment, and said to me: "Is it convenient for me to sleep at your place?" I looked at her: "No problem." "Thank you then." She got into the car, and I got in too , the car started. "I was drunk yesterday, and it was already noon when I woke up, and I thought it was night." Seeing that I was silent, she said again: "It was also the day before yesterday, and it was also the day before yesterday—" The wind made me feel a little uncomfortable, and I Roll up the windshield. "The day before that was the same, and the day before that was the same—I've been drunk for a week." The taxi drove forward for less than 5 minutes, and she fell asleep again, fell asleep, leaned on my side body.

twenty two When I arrived at my house, I put hot water on it and asked her if she wanted to take a bath, but she said no, so I went in and took a bath by myself, and when I came out, I was surprised to find that she was watching TV. I wiped my hair with a dry towel, and she said, "I want to take a shower too, do you have any extra clothes?" I went to the closet and found one with John on it.Lennon’s T-shirt, walked to her and handed it to her, she took it and walked into the bathroom, after the sound of water, she opened the door a crack, poked her head out, her hair was wet: “Help me get mine Is the bag okay? I want a bottle of medicine in it." She pointed to her neck, "I have an allergy to my neck." I took her bag and handed it to her, she stretched out a bare arm to catch it, and took it in , I went to the bed, lay down, picked up the remote control panel to change the channel to watch TV, the door opened after a while, and she came out, wearing my T-shirt, bare legs, holding her underwear in her hand: "I I washed my underwear, is there a hanger?" "It's on the balcony."

She went to the balcony and sat on the edge of the bed when she came back. "I'm not wearing anything underneath." She smiled at me. I nodded and almost said "that would be great" or something, but what I said was, "Either, you sleep on the couch, mine is too small for me to sleep on - I'll find you a blanket. "I got up to find her a blanket, and she grabbed me. She looked at me: "I've never slept with anyone except my boyfriend." After that, she took off her T-shirt and said to me, "You're not going to push me aside, are you?" When you shout, you shouldn't call your boyfriend's name, right?" I joked and said calmly.

"I never yelled, not even once." She got into the quilt and turned her back to me. I saw her shoulders tremble for some reason, as if feeling cold. twenty three When I started messing with her, the sky was already a little bright, and I could see her face clearly, her eyes were closed from beginning to end, and there was no other sound except panting. Afterwards, she lifted the quilt and walked towards me He took a look under the bed, covered the quilt again, and said, "It turns out that all men are the same." twenty four The first time I woke up was at 11:00 noon, Liu Qin was still asleep beside me, she pointed her back at me, I got up and took a sip of water, then continued to sleep, when I woke up again, Liu Qin was gone, On the balcony, her panties were gone, and my T-shirt was rolled up and thrown on the sofa. I looked at my watch, it was 3 o'clock in the afternoon, when the phone rang, I picked it up, it was Lao Niu's Voice: "Dude, I drank too much last night and slept until now. I just dreamed that you fucked Liu Qin." "It's strange," I said, "I fucked her." "How did you fuck?"" It’s a bit embarrassing.” “Let me tell you something—the night before yesterday when my buddies went to JJ, there was a girl who kept looking at me while we were dancing, and I sniffed her home. After the fuck, I still thought about it, this It’s called Aventure! Unexpectedly, when she put on her clothes, she opened her mouth and asked me for 1500—I bargained with her, and finally gave her 800. With my butt bare, I picked up my pants from the floor and took out my wallet from my pocket. When I counted the money to her from the inside, I couldn't help but think - this is called embarrassment!"

25 As for Liu Qin, that's all for now, we should go back to the disco. Suddenly, I found Liu Qin, who was walking around in the crowd, and a man, came straight to me, passed by me, and sat at a table behind me, although she was completely I didn't notice me, but I felt uncomfortable. I quickly drank the drink in my hand, and looked around subconsciously. I saw Xiaochun and the others dancing. I stood up, walked to the edge of the bar, and sat down. On the high stool, I ordered a glass of red wine and drank it in one gulp, and then I felt better. I thought, I must look funny, because I was flustered from the beginning to the end, and I don’t know why.

26 Sometimes, out of some bad premonition, I would suddenly panic and run into Liu Qin in the disco, which made me become like that. In fact, I recognized each other. I guess, we are at most no more than Saying hello, adding a few rambling conversations at most, that’s all. What’s important is that I have a premonition that as long as we recognize each other, I will have that uncomfortable feeling. In order to avoid that feeling, I But I fell into another trap, that is, with my actions, the uncomfortable feeling also came earlier, it would be better to just go over and say hello-the strange thing is, for me, if I have nothing to say This kind of situation will appear again and again, and it is almost impossible to prevent it. This is one of the evil consequences of an affair.

27 The so-called affair, in my experience with Lao Niu, is nothing more than an embarrassing experience. You originally only wanted to have some fun with a girl and didn't want to get into any trouble, but in fact, it is often difficult to have any happiness. In other words, because happiness is often a wish for the future, and what is your wish for the future?It’s nothing more than wanting to escape as soon as possible. Therefore, during the whole process of the affair, you have been in a dilemma. You have no expectations for the future, so you cannot get happiness from it. You will feel very awkward and embarrassing until you realize that this is more Spending money on laughter is even more boring. 28 Xiaochun found me at the bar, said they were tired from dancing, and asked me where else I wanted to go. I said I didn’t know, and the two girls had no idea. Finally, Xiaochun said, “Go to your place to watch the video!” So, a group of us came to our house, and Xiaochun wanted to read the old "Once Upon a Time in America", so I played it for him. Unfortunately, Xiaochun couldn't understand English, and my English was not good, but because I accompanied Many people have read it, and I have heard each line countless times, so I can probably understand what it means. Because of this ability, I was forced to act as an interpreter--the result of this was that Xiaochun kept saying He asked me this and that, watching with relish, but the two girls didn't say a word, drowsy and uninterested. By the way, Xiaochun has a characteristic, that is, he likes to watch so-called art movies, and he can achieve ecstasy by watching them. Therefore, for a while, he always stuffed me into his car and forced me to run eastward Xidian borrowed art films for him to enjoy, until I completely lost interest in such films. Not long after, Huang Huang stood up, said that she was tired from reading, went into the outer room, and called me out, it seemed that Feifei must have told her something in advance, so I went to the outer room to chat with Huang Huang. Zhong suddenly woke up, he came out to use the toilet, and closed the door when he returned. Therefore, in my two-bedroom apartment, there was a very ideal situation. Xiaochun and I were alone with a girl, and his conditions It is more beneficial, because watching the video, I turned off the light early, and although Huang Huang and I are sitting in a bright light, we can still use our methods.Unfortunately, after chatting with Huang Huang for a few words, I found out that she is a very serious girl who is not very talkative. This is the kind of girl I am most afraid of meeting, because I only use a few tricks to please girls. Just kidding, talkative, I played Shen Shen at first, but it didn’t work after high school—so, when I faced a girl like Huang Huang, I felt like a donkey, because she didn’t eat at all. I'm like this, so my skills (what kind of fun, dirty jokes) are not useful at all, and I think she is used to hearing things like: "Let's make friends-you marry Me——I will always treat you well" and so on, and I really couldn't bear to say these brazen lies, so I talked to Huang Huang and it wasted, but neither of us felt What's awkward, on the contrary, we all pricked up our ears and listened carefully to the commotion inside, which clearly meant that we two were really noble enough to create such good conditions for Xiaochun and Feifei—but, what exactly did they do inside? What are you doing?The door was shut so that nothing could be known, and our two victims, distracted from each other, did not realize how boring it was to sit so silently. 29 How boring!When I walk among the stars alone, I may encounter this kind of boring situation. The way to get rid of it is to imagine the earth as a sapphire worn on my finger. When I am bored, I guess what is the darkness in the universe?What will I be reduced to nothing?Who is the other me?Does he exist?When will my soul learn to dance and put a foot out gently? ——I put on a record, and the music depicted a world for me, all kinds of music, passionate, indifferent, tense, casual, music is related to the heart, what is the heart?A crystal ball in the witch's hand?A core?A whizzing cloud of particles?heart, do i have it?A heart, in this dark night, beside a girl, under the lamp, I listen to music with her, I listen to my music, she listens to hers, a piece of music separates me and her into two things , her music, her fun, her emotions, my fingertips are cold, her face is expressionless, we are waiting for something that has nothing to do with us, we are silent to each other, the yellow face rushes to the side, I rush On the other side, we sat and listened to the record I just played - Haydn's Cello Concerto. After listening to the first one, we listened to the second one. There was no third, fourth and fifth. The first cello concerto has been handed down. This is music more than 200 years ago. Compared with modern music, it can be called a match in terms of boredom. After a middle movement, there is an Adagio movement. Rostropovich Many years ago, facing the recording microphone, he played a bunch of notes with his cello, and many years later, through two HARBETH speakers, I heard these notes, and there was a girl sitting next to him, It's dizzying to talk about, but in fact that's what happens when you try to make sense of a scene or a state. 30 The door opened, and Xiaochun came out, followed by Feifei. The two of them looked concerned about me and Huang Huang, and asked us questions, as if something happened between me and Huang Huang during the time when the door was closed. Yes, in fact, if we can say one thing, like going to the toilet or something, it will definitely be a news among 4 people, but even this happened in the presence of all 4 of us- ―The strange thing is, except for me, the three of them went into the toilet and came out separately as if they had made an appointment. In the end, I had to go in too, not because I also had to pee, but because they couldn't close it tightly. The water tank behind the toilet, as a homeowner, I had to go in and stop the splashing water myself. Afterwards, Xiaochun sent the two girls back, and I sent the three of them out. This event was completely over. Before the end, I swept the floor again, took out the videotape that Xiaochun hadn’t finished watching from the video recorder, and put it away. It is said that He will come to see him in two days. After they left, I turned on the computer, turned on the desk lamp above the computer, poured the leftover tea from the teapot into a glass that someone had drunk, lit a cigarette, and everything was ready, I thought, I could do it I started to write. I sat by the computer and started to create. I knew very well that as long as I started, a book would be born under my hands. It is likely to become a masterpiece that will be passed down through the ages. In my opinion, It is not difficult to become a masterpiece, but the difficulty is luck. What luck means is that as long as a group of people agree, my book can become a masterpiece. Of course, this matter has nothing to do with me. The crux of the problem is that I A book must be written. This is like participating in a lottery. You first have to fill out your lottery ticket, and then wait for the lottery. The lottery will announce that the next world famous book is—— I just need to put on my ears to listen to it. Obviously, it doesn’t matter if I forget about it, and it doesn’t even matter whether I listen to it or not, because this news is not just for me alone, many people will know it, and that’s enough, say After all, it is the same thing for a book to become a famous novel and fish-flavored shredded pork to become a famous dish. Is there any difference between them? 31 I would like to add two more sentences on the topic of famous works, otherwise serious readers will think that I am boasting and talking nonsense here. I think it is necessary for me to explain my views on the famous works in the world. In my opinion, there is value in the famous works. There are so few that it would be more appropriate to define masterpieces as works that deceive the world. I will still talk about this issue later, because it is related to my writing. Because of my writing, I have this book. It can be said that my book is a part of my writing, and my writing also involves more things, such as my life, what I see, hear and think in the world, etc. Wait, I think, this is what a serious book should say, and this is for readers who don't just read stories. In fact, writing means to me the study of a way of life, and way of life is the human being. One of the ways of existence, through writing, I face the problem of human existence, not afraid of readers’ jokes, I have been trying to figure out the truth of existence, this is my last bit of curiosity in the world, in order to satisfy my curiosity Mind, it can be said that my existence is the starting point of my writing. I write to clarify my existence. Other writers who lack courage are, in my eyes, of no value to my subject, and therefore I do not bother to mention them. Existence, in my opinion, is the most important thing in life, and it is also the starting point of my writing. I think that after such a clear statement, readers who love to read stories may be disappointed. Now that you have bought my book, I think, I I will also try my best to be worthy of you. In my book, I also leave a few stories for you. I remind you to consciously use the jump reading method. I say it because I don’t want you to mistakenly think that I am setting up barriers for your reading. I am not that kind of person. On the contrary, I have always pursued clarity and objected to nonsense and incomprehensible words. It's nonsense. At the same time, I would also like to explain that my vanity does not want me to be a storyteller, and a storyteller is worthless in my eyes, even though he is like Cao Xueqin in China, Maugham in foreign countries, Hemingway, Zweig, etc. It's also difficult to be a story king, but I personally have no interest in it, unless I'm so tight that I need to count on writing stories to make a living. In my books, there are stories, but the existence of stories is closely related to my writing. If the stories affect my expression, I will not hesitate to throw the stories aside. I think I have to mention this. I have no doubts about the ignorance of most readers. Therefore, they love the same pure stories and don't care about ideas. Therefore, the so-called "stories above stories" have a chance to exist. Robe-Gorrier, Borges and others I hate their metaphors for ideas. I think the starting point of ideas is clear, but the metaphors start from cloudy and unclear. Therefore, the above two writers have no meaning for me. value, although their starting point is also human existence, but their vague and confused words really disgust me, no less than I hate Hegel, that liar has been rampant for an age, so that many fools have learned from him. There I got some metaphysical insights such as "infinity is finite, death is life" that made me laugh and cry, and he was called a philosopher, which is really disappointing!In my eyes, Hegel is a pathological delusional patient, and is highly contagious. He likes people who don’t understand and pretend to understand. He is a susceptible group. He has nothing to do with the title of philosopher. It is really a question that the Germans should think about why their remarks can be fashionable. I mean, the Germans who claim to be able to think have exposed their credulity and arrogance on the Hegel issue. Based on this, if I want to win them As far as money is concerned, it seems that it is not a problem to write two heavenly books to make them worship me--in my opinion, Schopenhauer, who was contemporaneous with him and gave a class on Taiwan, is almost a philosopher, Schopenhauer His writing also faces existence. When he involves things that are difficult to express, he wittily uses metaphors to show that the minds of philosophers are much clearer than those of writers, because at least metaphors can be understood. In addition, I say that readers are ignorant not out of malice or derogatory intent, but I think it is a more appropriate description. I don’t think ignorance is a mistake. I am very ignorant. I am ignorant and I want to publish my ignorance honestly. There is no need to hide it. I think that pretending to know is more unnatural than honest ignorance. Although pretending to know is a permanent fashion that has gone through thousands of years, it has always been inexplicably loved by human beings. It is said that the discovery and recognition of ignorance began with Socrates. Therefore, he became the first intellectual in the world. This is the minimum requirement for an intellectual. In my eyes, there is only one intellectual in the world, and that is God. You can call him the Creator. He really knows what is going on in this world. Unfortunately, I found him in the world and asked him about some situations. The door has not been discovered so far, and people have only discovered some plausible so-called "miracles", that is, certain signs of the existence of God, such as certain laws of physics that have not yet been found to be exceptions. As for the true God, many people naively think that When we reach the other shore, we can see that, unfortunately, human beings have not been sure about this matter so far. If they were really sure, people like Newton would commit suicide early, which would save a lot of guesswork. To put it bluntly, in this world, I personally want to be an intellectual, so I have been groping quietly by myself. I think I have found some miracles, that is, evidence for the existence of God. The problems I encountered It is very unfortunate that the problem encountered by those who found a few savage footprints in Shennongjia is exactly the same. There are footprints, but it is impossible to find out whether the footprints are real or not, so it is even more impossible to talk about the whereabouts of the savages. When I was impatient, I also took chances and thought about going to the other shore by suicide. I have repeatedly weighed this, and finally reason prevailed. I think the saying that God is squatting on the other shore waiting for us is too similar. It's a rumor, and it's too unbelievable, because from ancient times to the present, although God's false messengers are everywhere, no one has managed to bring a letter back to confirm this matter. These are all digressions that have to be said without spitting out. 32 My narrative follows. So, in '96, in the middle of the night, I started writing a book that might become a masterpiece, I started writing, I didn't write a single line, I sat there, looked around, cut my nails, wiped the monitor with a wet wipe, and I grabbed the phone , as soon as a phone number comes into my head, I call, I call, call after call, I tell people, I'm fine, nothing at all, I stop calling, I light a cigarette, After the cigarette is finished, I smoke another cigarette, I smoke another cigarette, then I pick up a book, a book written by someone else, flip through it randomly, I can use Wubi typewriting method to type, but it doesn’t matter , the important thing is that someone has to tell me what to type. I hope that there is such a person who will show up and chatter beside me like dictation. Now that this famous book is finished, sign your name and it will disappear.The problem is, this person is not here today, and it is useless for me to know Wubi fonts. I sat there, and at first my hands and feet moved around, and then everything became still. I faced the computer and fell into loneliness. I'm talking about loneliness, yes, loneliness - when you're alone, memories can be overwhelming, reading can often be tedious, everyday routine can be tiresome, and irregularity can't get you anywhere, which is what happened to me when I lived in the East Highlands , what is the value of writing?What's the fun of living life without value?I can't figure it out.When I first arrived in East Highland, I couldn't do anything except thinking about contacting my cronies and friends all day long. I completely forgot that I moved here to hide from them. 33 However, I still have to face writing and the job I found for myself. I came to the East Highlands and locked myself in a small room. I insisted on writing something. Although I wanted to be easy, I was afraid of difficulties. My ability is poor, but I still want to do my little job well. My vanity, competitiveness and luck drive me to work. When I think that I may also win the big prize, my energy doubles. There are actually many topics about writing, its reason, its process, its result, its nature, its content, its content, its extension, its object, its scope, as an objective existence, Its meaning, as a superstition, its influence, etc., and many "whys", etc., I believe, can't be counted. If I start from the beginning, then a collection of jokes will be born calmly. Here, I just want to say that human beings have a peculiar nature of recording their own stupidity. Its origin can be traced back to prehistoric times. Things write and draw on the dark cave wall, which is the predecessor of writing. Therefore, writing, as a thing, just exists. If a bacterium on a pinball can also write two strokes, and build a book Museum, I think, humans would probably say it's a laughing stock, strangely, people's own turn, the attitude changes, they proudly refer to those meaningless scribbles as part of prehistoric culture, It is called "prehistoric art" and is proud of being able to do graffiti. I am also puzzled by this attitude. Why don't they pick up a piece of ancient ape feces and be complacent?They have every reason to be proud that they can still defecate freely like ancient apes in modern times.Of course, my confusion ends here. 34 In my opinion, reading and writing are one and the same thing, two aspects of the same thing, in order to write new ideas, you have to look at what other people have written, for example, I don't want to spend a long time writing After a copy of "Das Kapital" came, it was discovered that Marx had written the same work more than a hundred years ago.In the same way, in order to read, you have to write two strokes to infer whether the things written by others are valuable. For example, if I can write a paragraph "For the existence of this thing, I can put it Divided simply into two parts, existence and external existence", then I can conclude that some of Hume's statements in the "Treatise of Human Nature" are commonplace, I don't know if I made my point, I mean, yes From my point of view, writing seems to have no meaning other than being a way of life. Famous writers often get disproportionate benefits by virtue of their ability to write. I recommend reference books in 1999 A popular book in Beijing - the British Paul.Johnson's book, sometimes I even feel that intellectuals attack politicians or businessmen so violently because of the jealousy of small liars to big liars. In this regard, I am very proud of the Chinese system, and wily Chinese people are never liked by those who like Li Bai and Du Fu can write two strokes of poems, but their delusion to get an official position has become a laughing stock at the time, not to mention the example of old Plato. Here, naturally, he thought that philosophers should become kings. Fortunately, his wishful thinking failed, so he had to comfort himself by building an utopia in his fantasy. A man of his caliber is often not at ease in that country, which, I think, was built for him alone, and fortunately, it was built on paper.Although I like to write things myself, I never regard my hobby as a big deal. At most, I only care about whether my hobby can support me so that I can live as well as others.I have no doubt that what I write is of no value, and I confess that I am taking chances in the hope that my writing will do me more than it is worth, the same hope that a dealer in counterfeit antiques has. There is no difference, I think, and many people can understand my thoughts. 35 I love to write, and it took me a long time to think that it was my personal hobby. In my life experience, generally speaking, I think that people should pay for their hobbies, not get benefits, if one If someone gets benefits for his hobbies, then I can only say that this person is very lucky. The ancestors of art are those bards who lived a life of hunger and cold. They are often very simple. But modern bards are much more slick. Their slickness is that they first give a speech, saying that people's life should be divided into material life and spiritual life, and they stipulate that spiritual life is higher than material life. Life, the abominable thing about this speech is that, firstly, they push their preferences over others, and secondly, they are able to put their preferences above others. In fact, this deception is very if not shameless. Boring, because this kind of dichotomy of life is inherently unobjective, and it is a kind of preferential treatment for people who are good at using brains, because the right to speak is in the hands of people who are good at using brains, and they make great use of it, which is The evil side of human nature, under such remarks, generally speaking, the interests of manual laborers have been ruthlessly encroached on, and is spiritual life so valuable?I see this as a problem. The basis of the theory of the superiority of spiritual life lies in education. Since education requires an investment of time and capital, educated people, that is, those who can live a spiritual life, not only do not appreciate their luck, but increase their profits. They want to treat their education and training expenses as an intangible asset, and make full use of them, as if one is worth ten—the most irritating ones are the so-called cultural and artistic ones. Their brains are the worst. The lowest, the biggest profit, but the most noisy. An engineer and technician, in addition to dealing with very boring and difficult exercises and training, also often solves very difficult and practical problems in daily work, while a cultural person, The training itself is very easy, and it is easier to find fun in the work, without solving any practical problems, just talking nonsense in the air, but even so they are full of complaints, think about it, a businessman is very busy no matter what , because it has to deal with a lot of details, it is rare to have the ease of people who engage in culture and art, but businessmen do not have the kind of self-respecting complaints, let alone the "dirty culture" corresponding to "dirty money" "To highlight yourself and belittle others, look at Vienna at the end of the 18th century, the very stingy Jewish merchants used the little money they saved to help culture and let the common people have fun in the theater. In this case, you are basically a cultural person I can't see a shadow on my body - from my personal experience, I often spend more time reading a math book than reading 10 thought books or 20 cultural books or 30 novels, and the effort is even more incomparable. But I seldom see mathematicians accuse others of not being ignorant of mathematics, but I often see literati mocking others for being uneducated. This fact sometimes makes me very angry. This is clearly saying, why the desire for material things doesn't flow to me more! I firmly believe that the value of literature and art is far from being as high as the current market price. The labor paid by scientists in pursuit of the certainty of things is far more than the labor paid for endless gags and nonsense, even if it is physical labor. The simple and repetitive labor of the writer is harder than any continuous writing. When I was writing, I was frightened when I thought of plowing the fields under the sun, and I felt powerless when I thought of writing a math book or physics book. If I order something else, I feel much more relaxed. I'm not bragging. At my level, I really don't like novels and other things. What, ah, in my opinion, it's easy!I even think it's too low-level,,, and the like are only slightly difficult. Shakespeare's script is like a Christian "Bible" to actors, but in my eyes it is the British TV series of Qiong Yao, but it is more successful than Qiong Yao , the movie script is complete nonsense, I really can't find anything to write other than Tarkovsky, Bergman and Fellini's scripts are worth writing. Movies boast about things, but in fact they are just a bit literary. In terms of making up, making up mysteries, and playing nonsense, there is nothing I hate more than those who are called "masters". As far as I know, only guys who practice qigong and magic call each other "masters". It seems that the purpose is to become a "teacher-level cadre" among the people. I really want to write 100 so-called knowledge books with high-sounding , Topics have been drawn up, such as "Weighted Capital and Knowledge", "Single Sex or Promiscuity", "Lies and History", "Home Economics and Cultural Field", "Diaspora Anthropology", "Population Density and Culture" and so on , to add new fog to the fog of human culture, but I am very disturbed by this behavior, this kind of rambling knowledge makes me daunting, very disgusting, yes, nothing is certain in this, because it does not If it is determined, the meaning of knowledge cannot withstand deconstruction, so sincere people unintentionally collude with shameless people to do all kinds of evil and mischief on the road to the truth.However, what can stop this worthless behavior?In my opinion, the human nature to love lies, combined with the force of superstition all over the world, has finally turned the pursuit of truth into an illegitimate obscenity that is ridiculed by worldly life. I am sincerely amused by this kind of humor.但有时，我随手翻翻《性史》之类的书，便忍不住也想把我上面提到的欺世盗名书写出来，同时还学福柯摆起语不惊人死不休的架势，如果有人同意，我便可高兴地喊：＂看哪，他们叫我大师！我把他们都蒙倒了！＂ 36 事实上，我不想蒙倒谁，我也不想搞自我欺骗，我也写作，我用别人的作品给自己解闷，如果可能的话，我希望我的作品也给别人解解闷，我不想极不正当地把自己的生活方式描绘得冠冕堂皇，我犯不着，我争取与愚蠢和哗众取宠划出界限，我还要点面子，不想掀开被子让别人看我如何手淫，绝大多数情况下，我做得出来就敢说出来，我不怕语言的残酷无情，我也不在乎是否在道德上获得成功，我没有不可告人的目的，我知道，自己在胡写乱画，不着边际，可我就这么点能力，我自认为是芸芸众生中的一员，有着芸芸众生的一切情感方式与生活习性，我用不着害怕失去什么，我原本就什么也没有，我轻装上阵，无所畏惧，我的笔也不是我的武器，我的笔坏了我会寻找别的饭碗，我当然也像大家一样，在人世间挑挑拣拣，尽量找又轻松报酬又高的工作，抄上了我就尽情地享受，抄不上我也没办法，要是找不着好活儿我也许会撑上那么一阵子，撑不住了我也不会土崩瓦解，我会退而求其次，我相信我能对付着把日子过下去，这方面我像大家一样是个行家里手――在这个人口如此众多的星球上，我只是沧海一粟，伴随着潮起潮落混我的日子。97年的我就是这个样子，当然，97年，这个有意思的年份，也送给我一份大礼，那是嗡嗡，叫我现在想想便觉难受的嗡嗡。 37 现在，故事距嗡嗡还有些遥远，现在嗡嗡还未与我熟识，她还未与我说过几句话，还未爬到我的身边，还未在我身边安静地睡下，嗡嗡一个人睡在她自己的床上，有几个布娃娃陪伴着她，她现在与两个刚刚毕业的舞蹈演员住在一间9平米的临时宿舍里，那是一间歌舞团提供的小平房，花100块钱就能收拾得可以住人，嗡嗡有自己的简易衣柜，折开来能随手提走，里面装着她心爱的不值钱的衣裙，最贵的是一条花300元买的名牌ＬＥＥＣＯＯＰＥＲ牛仔短裤，她穿着有点小，但由于太贵了，所以一有机会就会吸一口气穿在身上，她还有一床被子，是远在云南的妈妈做的，还有蚊帐，还有洗脸盆、毛巾等洗漱用品，还有一包廉价化妆品，嗡嗡用它来马马虎虎地描眉画眼，对付她很不喜欢的各种演出，嗡嗡还有一个小箱子，几本相册，里面的相片记录了她17岁的人生，这就是她的全部家当，从地下室搬到剧院后，这些东西就陪伴着她。她一个月挣300元左右，演出补助好的时候也不过一个月2000元，那是她用自己的苗条身体，在舞台上灵巧地做出各种动作换来的，总之，嗡嗡生活在她自己那一方小小天地里，她的眼睛不大不小，头发稀疏，黄白相间，眉毛用镊子拔成细细的一线，作为一个时常抬起手臂的舞蹈演员，连腋下的汗毛也被她忍着剧痛一根根拔去，她十分干净，黄皮肤，走路轻快，嘴里的牙齿像一块块傲然伸出的参差不齐的小小墓碑，脸上带着被狗咬伤后痊愈的细小疤痕，以及同学用铅笔扎破后又长好的黑印儿，她的腰肢纤细，手指柔软得能向手背弯过去，她在夏天喜爱穿长长的裙子或短短的短裤，能唱街上所有流行歌的前3句，总之，17岁的嗡嗡是个还未长出翅膀的天使，我想她一定是被一阵轻风吹到人间的。 38 那时小春已经把嗡嗡分发给我，可我却还未认领，我随着他一起去剧团找菲菲，时常碰见嗡嗡，还碰见很多与嗡嗡一起分到团里的姑娘，不用说，我眼花缭乱而又十分矛盾，生怕一下挑错了事后后悔，与此同时，小春倒是目标明确，他开着他的旧夏利，带着吉它和啤酒，天天急急忙忙往剧团跑，一进去便扎进菲菲的宿舍，弹起吉它，唱着流行歌，对着菲菲直抒胸臆。 菲菲活泼好动，说话罗唆，耐心细致，与小春脾气十分和适，小春当时迷恋艺术，当然是通俗艺术，包括外国电影与中国摇滚，凡与艺术有关的事物无不令他动心，菲菲会跳舞，在他眼里简直就是高雅艺术，他最爱坐在练功房，看着菲菲排练，觉得档次提高了一大截，菲菲与其他姑娘们的舞姿搅得他心神不定，菲菲坐在下面休息时，小春便与她说话，趁机请她吃午饭或晚饭，如果菲菲同意，甚至早饭他也愿意请，一次两次三次，他把菲菲带到我那里，聊艺术，聊生活，看录像，一星期后，他把菲菲从我这里带走，带到另一个朋友的房子里，小春认为那里适合乱搞，便在那里提出了乱搞要求，菲菲认为，自己一个处女就这么失身恐怕有点不太合适，便拒绝了，小春便坚持不懈地提出请求，菲菲再一想，反正处女早晚要失身，也就委婉地答应了，据小春向我介绍，菲菲是这么答应的：＂要不然你先把我给灌醉了你再――＂这种答应法不幸刺伤了小春的自尊心，他认为自己只请求与菲菲乱搞，可没请求过菲菲喝醉后再乱搞，他认为菲菲提出的办法不合适，因为他在其中扮演一个处女诱奸犯的角色，虽然这角色是处女分派的，于是遭到小春拒绝，我了解小春，他是我的朋友，小春很要面子，他在做一件事之前总是考虑做完后怎么讲它，他可不想自己事后被说成是一个擅长诱奸处女的人，他认为那样太丢人――总之，这件事情拖来拖去，两人拉拉扯扯前后有那么一个钟头，我想小春最后还是与菲菲达成了一致，像一切处女一样，菲菲事后要求小春不要把这件事讲出去，也像一切小青年一样，小春没有遵守自己的诺言，至少他把这事告诉了我，而且是怀着内心的欣喜，急不可耐地在第一时间把自己胜利的消息告诉了我，从电话里的声音看来，我认为他发一笔意外之财也没这么高兴过。 于是，用一般人的话讲，叫做，菲菲与小春好了――你用不着问是怎么好了，反正，他们就是好了，就如同一个人喝醉，用一般人的话讲，叫做＂这个人喝好了＂一样。 39 与菲菲好了之后，小春忽然对我产生了一种负疚感，我认为，只有好朋友之间才可能产生这种负疚感，小春的情感我能理解，就像碗里有一块好吃的肉，小春一筷子夹走，猛地吞进肚里，事后发现我正看着他，于是他便对我说道：＂怎么着，你还没吃啊？＂于是，在他的内心深处，负疚感油然而生，这至少证明小春是个仗义之人，这种性格使他在这个泥沙俱下的世界里显得卓尔不群，十分了得，一般人可不是这样，如果我的另一朋友建成在这种情况下就绝不会这样，他会对自己的嗅蜜本领一通吹嘘之后，立刻断定没嗅上的人是笨蛋。 40 由于小春的负疚感，我想我是得到了好处，特别是在他与菲菲不久以后住到了我那里，我得交待一句，小春是这种朋友，他帮你忙和麻烦你的时候都干脆利落，我不知他为什么放着自己另一个专门用来乱搞的房子不用，而带着菲菲住到了我这里，我当时正在搞写作，没想到问他这个问题，现在我猜测这件事可能与小春的虚荣心有关，他认为找一个搞艺术的姑娘就应该住到搞艺术的朋友那里去，于是，情况越发对我有利，因为他们住了不久，我发现，不仅小春对我的负疚感没有消除，而且菲菲也对我产生了负疚感，这让我得到了更多的好处，当然这件事还得从头讲起。