0 What does it mean to write a novel?I've written two books and I'm working on a third now, and I think, I've talked about some things, and I think, there are more things I haven't talked about, what have I left behind?Yes, I've fallen a lot, and sure enough, I've never touched anything of value. Now, I'm writing for my readers, I'm writing for men, I'm writing for women, and I'm writing for pretty women, even though I know they're not interested, I'm going to write, I'm going to use My mind allows my readers to enjoy it rather than torture it, and I don’t want to write some low-level and childish works to insult the intelligence of readers. For this reason, I do not hesitate to write seriously. I have many problems. When I am arrogant, I have confidence in my writing, I believe that I can make something through words, just like Newton believed in the existence of gravity in the universe when he was arrogant.

Of course, for gravity, although Newton could not find any evidence, he was able to use mathematics to describe the gravity he created, but what about me?What can I write in Chinese square characters? Maybe I can talk about someone I don't know. I read the "Biography of Russell" and know that he racked his brains to be able to successfully commit adultery with women. Hold the Bible in your right hand, and read them at the same time. I also read Spinoza's Theological-Political Tractatus, and I also read "History of Mathematics", amazed by the unique talents of the Bernoulli family.I also read some other books, and I can talk about the characters in the books, my preferences, my tastes, and even a lot of movies that I dislike.

But, I don't want to talk now, I don't want to talk about anything, nothing can withstand talking, many times, talking is like a hand, when you reach out to things, things disappear in an instant, talking can't touch things A penny is nothing to talk about, and things seem unreal, and if they are not talked about, they will not appear. Perhaps I can engage in long-winded conversations like other writers, such as: talk about morality. In my opinion, the fashion that is always fashionable in the world is called moral fashion. Morality is a great invention of human beings, and it also reflects the nature of human chatter. The price of morality is specious and fluctuates with the times, but its unfathomable value is even more Impressive, many people are fascinated by it, I noticed that before the 19th century, the most intelligent people in Europe almost all wasted their genius on satirizing the church, and then, slowly, the crosshairs began to shift to morality, and finally settled there ——Then a crop of similar cultures revolving around morality, just like a hen laying similar eggs around a chicken coop——This kind of disgusting humanistic landscape is endless, and morality is simply becoming Snacks for smart people and meal tickets for idiots, it’s really ironic-what is morality, good or bad-being a good person may have bad luck, but it can make people’s life fulfilling-fanatic superstition!It is very surprising that when it comes to morality, even a 5-year-old child can say a few words, and it is no worse than a 50-year-old adult-in my opinion, this interest in morality is really life. A strong proof of narrow and boring, at least, people who are keen on this way make me suspicious. I really don't know when this kind of gossip topic will stop-I don't want to join in the fun.

So how about I talk about beauty? Since truth and goodness are shut into their own castle by morality, what about beauty? I don't know the fate of beauty in the world, and even how people invent beautiful things is still a secret to me. Those discovered beauties are used by commercial capital in modern times until people lose their appetite. And more unrecognized beauty wanders in the world with a disgusting appearance, anxiously waiting for aesthetic experts to come to claim it, and turn it into a pleasing gift for the suspicious people for their entertainment, and believe that destroying beauty can bring People who come for pleasure are also gearing up, and when the time comes, their fun will come.

Forget it, I'd better stay away from this topic, because I don't believe there is anything worth talking about in it. I haven't found a single definite thing in the world so far, so I don't know anything. I sadly admit that, like everyone else, I can only talk and talk nonsense and don't know what to say. I have to admit that outside of writing, I don't believe in anything, not even reading, and when I write, I believe in narrative. I have no choice but to believe, and it's really a matter of believing or not, because I'm writing, and if I don't believe in the narrative, then I can't write, but one thing I'm sure of is, In many cases, I don't believe in narrative. At that time, I don't write, play mahjong with friends, sit in bars, go for a drive, or eat.

Now is the time when I believe, even superstitiously, when I sit at my computer, type on a keyboard, and start writing, word by word, and I write them with the conviction that the words connected together mean something , that is to say, represents a certain meaning, through these blank texts, I can reproduce or talk about a certain person, a certain emotion, certain memories, certain things contained in time and space, I believe , through the permutation and combination of words, I may establish a form through which I can make irresponsible remarks on the matter of "existence", but that's all, I can't answer any specific questions , for example, what is time?I don't know, and I believe no one knows—some things I talk about every day are simply picking on people's teeth. The first person to say the word time may be telling another person that "the sun is moving, although it is very slow", But it seems to me that he is not talking about time, but about sports, but, about sports?A lot of questions stop here.

Forget it, let's talk about other things--in the way everyone can, or, the way I hate the most, I mean, the way of rambling, I can talk about what I think is more reliable, people I have met, we I can't guarantee the accuracy of my conversations, nor can I guarantee the success of my conversations, but I will try my best. I don't know what life should be like, but I know that life is difficult to talk about. Day by day, muscle turns into fat , the skin gradually loses its luster, bad habits not only cannot be changed, but also increase day by day, bad thoughts cannot be overcome, and come and go, curiosity becomes less, self-righteousness, vanity increases, if it comes to things like growth, progress, and liberation, I don’t know these things does it count?

It is, I admit, an inexplicable preface, and I have tried my best to get some information out of it, but, as a preface, it is a mess, and let it be. 1 I know, I can't do anything else, but when it comes to "I was wrong" stories, anyone can tell a whole bunch of stories. Although they are told in different ways, the content is the same. It seems to me that the former is impudent and the latter phony, and I hate both, but there have been a lot of mistakes in my life, and I don't know how I should speak of them, I really don't. 2 The passing of youth is a sign for me, even if I ignore the loss of libido, it is still not enough to turn a blind eye to obesity and gluttony, and it is still impossible to forget the past reading pleasure. In short, there are indeed some signs of youth, although I can't tell what these signs are and where they are, I just have a vague feeling that a stage of life suddenly disappears at a certain moment, it's not a big deal, I enter middle age, I can still enjoy the depression and emptiness to the fullest, and I can be with you If you fight against the disease, you can die slowly. I have some unreliable life experiences. For example, if you have a stomachache, you must eat Dacprolon. Effortless books must be killing time, etc.

I believe that these unreliable life experiences will definitely help me for the rest of my life, I think so--Also, I remembered the first time I ate lobster, and found that eating shrimp meat was nothing more than that, the first time When was the first time you saw the sun?Can't remember anymore.I also remember how after reading the ridiculous Hegel one day, I became ridiculous, and I realized in a blink of an eye that nothing existed except consciousness, it was an illusion, and the moon seen by a frog was the same as me Do you see the same?Maybe it's the same, maybe it's not the same, the land, the mountains, the stars, are all products of the imagination, when I go out into the street and see people, I think they fascinate me like ghosts, their phantoms make people dream infinitely, and so on Will there be more in the future?What else would surprise me?Will my heart beat faster?Will my face turn red with shame?Will tears come out of your eyes when you see poor people being tortured to death?Will I still climb the mountains, look up at the stars, and feel so small?At the moment of ejaculation, will there still be that wonderful experience?

Most of the answer is no, I feel that my heart is slowly being numb by repeated life, out of habit, maybe there will be some conditioned reflex actions, maybe I will blush, my heart will beat, and I will shed worthless tears , But I know that it is a conditioned reflex, although I consciously refuse to admit it, it is useless, my hard-heartedness and indifference are hard to hide no matter what.Realizing this, I thought, maybe I don't have to lie to myself anymore. 3 So, I thought of Buzz, she is an angel who descended from the sky, she used some way to get in touch with me in the world, and told me all about myself.

Of course, these things turn my stomach and disgust me beyond belief. I mean, as the messenger of God, the purpose of Hum came to this world is to point out what a hopeless bastard I am. Proving this is easy. 4 Buzzing has a pair of wings hanging behind her. She can fly, dance, feel wronged, and act like a baby. She met me shortly after her 17th birthday. At that time, she looked very much like Da.The Mona Lisa described by Fincher, but it does not have the problems of the Mona Lisa, for example, she does not show such a so-called "mysterious smile" at the corner of her mouth, in my opinion, buzzing Flesh and blood, often shy, slender waist and long legs, with soft hairs fluttering in the hairline, one can tell at a glance that she is a real virgin. That was three years ago. 5 It is now August 1999. For a few days in July, the temperature in Beijing hit record highs in summer. The temperature inside the bus reached 65 degrees Celsius. It made people doubt whether the passengers would be lucky enough to go home after getting off the bus. However, the driver made no mistakes. It should be regarded as a miracle. A thing called an air-conditioning fan is popular all over the street. It is said that it can lower the temperature by 3 or 4 degrees Celsius. The power supply bureau reported news of power outages one after another, and the emergency repair team was completely unable to meet the needs of the people. According to the propaganda on TV, 67 people died of heat in the United States. Of course, the market situation in China can be imagined. The three minutes between stepping into the car and fully turning on the car's air conditioner gave me a fever and a cold several times.After those more than ten days, the trees in Beijing are still very green, the streets are still full of pedestrians, the sky is still bottomless gray, but the gas is still on, the light is turned on when the switch is pressed, and the tap water is still flowing from the water pipes. In the evening, the range hoods of every household rumbled, and a little smoke came out as usual. In other words, Beijing is worthy of being a famous historical city, and it has once again stood the test of God steadily. , everything is fine, needless to say. It was at this time that I started to draw the stories about me and Hum with my pen and tongue. Of course, I just fell into the superstition of words and tried to narrate them through words. 6 To be honest, buzz, alas, when I first met her, I didn't expect that she would be so cute later, this is the only thing that I did not expect, that is, I should not make a mistake made a mistake.Until now, I also think that my mistakes cannot be forgiven, because they are the cause of future mistakes. Of course, it is my specialty to make mistakes again and again until there is nothing wrong with them, but this time it annoys me very much. pain. That was 3 years ago. 7 3 years ago, I broke up with Chen Xiaolu, determined to close the mountain from now on, not to look at the girl again, but also determined to engage in creation, and use my poor knowledge and ability to write books. I bought a lot of books, as many as possible Let me study for 500 years, become an intellectual, and even move my home, to the East Highlands where no one can find it. Alas, now it seems that all this is stupid, so stupid that it can't be any more stupid. 8 That scene took place in the basement of the guest house of the Chinese Ballet Troupe. I was sitting in Xiaochun’s broken Xiali. The reason was that I was writing at home in the East Highlands. Xiaochun, who was extremely bored, found me and told me how boring he was. To the extreme, you should find a way to get rid of it. Xiaochun’s way is to find a girl. If conditions permit, I think many people are willing to use this method. When you are bored, you can find a girl, talk to her, and finally marry her. Get it on the bed and have sex, then try to get rid of it. After all the troubles are over, you have the opportunity to face the new boredom again. The new boredom is a little different from the old one. The difference is that you are too lazy to do the previous process again. At least, you Will lack the same enthusiasm, this is Gide's experience, but this kind of experience is only effective for people as smart as him, but not for me and Xiaochun-we are so stupid that we will go again with the same enthusiasm Looking for the so-called "new girl". Idiots are always sad, Xiaochun and I are so sad, we actually got on Xiali and dispatched, we drove from East Highland to Hufang Road, and found the guest house not far from the T-junction, the guest house was in the basement, Xiaochun was there I know two girls, one is Feifei and the other is Buzzing. They just graduated from the dance academy and were assigned to a singing and dancing troupe. The singing and dancing troupe had no room for them, so they rented a guest house in the basement for them. These newly graduated girls and boys went to other places to perform for a while, and let the girls' thighs and the boys' muscles earn some money for the song and dance troupe before they were finally locked up in the basement. These are what Xiaochun told me. 9 Xiaochun also told me some other things, such as: the twists and turns of his acquaintance with two girls. The reason is that half a year ago, he brought a girl home to bed, but that girl insisted on learning how to drive from him before going to bed. Although Xiaochun couldn’t figure out the connection between learning to drive and going to bed, but the girl said, Xiaochun still followed suit , Two people were practicing cars near Nanyuan Airport, Xiaochun was the coach, and the girl was driving. Their existence puts the bad guys in danger, but they didn't expect that they would be in danger too, so in a fit of anger, they took Xiaochun and the girl back to the barracks and interrogated them as suspicious persons trying to sabotage the airport facilities. Xiaochun knew that Dabing had been with Dabing for a long time, and he would be very unhappy when seeing someone with girls, but at the same time he was very curious about getting along with girls, so Xiaochun tried to satisfy their curiosity. Talking about the process of finding this girl, unexpectedly, one of the soldiers who had just started a love affair also wanted to give it a try, so he entangled Xiaochun. This soldier is from Beijing, and their family opened a small shop next to the dance academy. There are greedy girls from the dance academy who went to buy snacks. What the girls didn't expect was that there was someone more greedy than them, and that was Da Bing, who often helped out in the small shop. The girls were very young, so Da Bing I had to be patient and wait for them to grow up. When they were 17 or 8 years old, they had boyfriends one after another, but none of them fell in love with Dabing. Dabing was very distressed by this, so he asked Xiaochun to find a way for him. Through profit-sharing sales, Dabing won I got the favor of a class girl, and the class was all assigned to the song and dance troupe. For Dabing, the situation was over at that time. There were only two girls in the class without boyfriends, Feifei and Buzzing. Feifei was too fat, Buzzing was too thin, and Dabing He invited them out, paid the bill and invited them to dinner, and assigned tasks to Xiaochun. Xiaochun has two tasks, the first is to tell jokes and enliven the atmosphere, and the second is to tell one of them that Dabing misses her and is ready to get along with her. I think Xiaochun must have not completed all the tasks assigned by Dabing, because afterwards According to Xiaochun, the two girls fell in love with him, but he only liked one of them, so he just introduced the other to me. In this way, according to Xiaochun, to borrow the terminology of the soldiers, the girls in this class can finally be wiped out . 10 (As far as my poor common sense knows, many vile and vile causes often originate from noble ideas. For example, Lenin wanted to liberate the Russian people from the clutches of the hateful tsar, but ended up putting the people in Under the claws of the even more abominable Stalin, the Tsar only exiled some people he despised in Siberia, but Stalin sent those people directly to hell. Because Stalin was more straightforward, the Soviet people were even more unlucky. Of course, it's hard to compare in this area, because there are many more regrettable big ideas in history that have led to worse results. The lesson is that idealists are evil, and the so-called great idealists are especially terrible. , Their ideas to change the world are often big, and big ideas always lead to catastrophes, with many victims and a wide range of people, while small ideas, no matter how evil they are, are just small disasters and small disasters, involving a small number of people. Sometimes I think, If under the tsarist rule, if Stalin was just an evil boy, he would have bitten off the umbilical cord himself coolly since he was born, jumped out of bed with a machine gun in his hand, rushed to the street, swept along the street, killed every one he saw, and has never been ignored. If he was punished to death, the mistakes he made would probably not be more unforgivable than in reality. People can still use his name to frighten children. When children make a fuss, they will say: Stalin is coming! But, but— Closer to home. ) I can always accept Xiaonian like Xiaochun. He just wants to kill a virgin, and he doesn't want to cause any bad consequences. I know that Xiaochun often has a box of condoms in his pocket to prevent girls from suffering more. Therefore, I went with him. To be honest, I wanted to be creative at the time, and I went with him just to relax my mind. I didn't really want to smell any girls. Of course, there was another reason for this Yes, the girls that Xiaochun finds all have bad looks without exception, which do not conform to my beauty-loving nature. Therefore, going out with him is mostly a waste of effort. According to the usual practice, before departure, I discussed with Xiaochun. Xiaochun talked about the looks and characteristics of the two girls. Without the girl's consent, we began to carve up privately. He insisted that he liked the white and fat one. , and I can only like the black and thin one, I bargained with him for a while, and finally agreed to his request, so we set off. 11 In the basement, Xiaochun took me to a small and trendy hut. There were three beds in the room, each with a girl lying on it. Two of them were short, white, thin and small, as if pasted with letter paper and fine wire. Yes, there is another one that is tall, dark, thin and small, it seems to be pasted with letter paper full of words and thin wire, maybe, I think, she is the buzzing that Xiaochun said, I looked into this small room At one glance, I began to regret coming with him.Xiaochun went out by himself. It turned out that the Feifei he was looking for was in another room. Xiaochun went to find her. I had to sit where I was, watching TV with the three girls, and chatted with them from time to time. The girls obviously liked her. I'm not interested, and I don't like to talk to each other, which makes me feel very boring. Soon, Xiaochun came back in a panic and said that Feifei's father had come to see her from Dalian, and he didn't want to stay in that kind of place for a long time, so he slipped here to wait for Feifei.He and I sat by the bed. Xiaochun lit a cigarette and started smoking. A martial arts movie was playing on the TV. I noticed that the girl lying on the opposite bed was very familiar with TV programs. The other two girls She can casually say what time the TV series she wants to watch with expert-like confidence without hesitation. Her little head sticks out from the quilt, like a potato that has been dug out of the ground, and she is also very shy , and never said a word to us, the other two girls are much more easy-going, one named Nana is still smoking, I whispered into Xiaochun's ear: "The one diagonally opposite who doesn't like to talk to us is Buzzing Right?" Xiaochun glanced at me and smiled: "That's right." At this time, the door opened and Feifei walked in, holding three apples and a small knife in her hand. She peeled them as soon as she entered the door. One for Humong, one for Xiaochun, and one for herself. Feifei said to Xiaochun: "My dad finally left. When you left just now, he told me that you are not allowed to have such a boyfriend in the future!" Everyone laughed. Then, Xiaochun and Feifei said a few words, and we left. Before we left, we asked two girls to go out to play. Feifei agreed, buzzing, let's talk. 12 Sitting in Xiaochun's car to go home, I was relieved, Xiaochun said to me: "Next time I will definitely ask Humong out, and I have to have one for each of us!" I said, "No, I really don't need it." Xiaochun said, "My buddy means what he says." 13 Xiaochun really counted on what he said. Two days later, he drove the two girls to a karaoke hall in East Highland, and called me back. The four of us sang karaoke together. Xiaochun could sing and held a guitar when he was in college. Singing for girls, now he sings with a microphone, both Feifei and Buzzing like to sing, the small karaoke hall is dirty, broken and dark, 4 people can spend 100 yuan for an hour, and there is a broken glass on the top The revolving overhead light made me unable to keep my eyes open. I just remember humming the song "I'm going to marry you tomorrow" and drinking two cans of Coke. Then, 4 of us came to my house. 14 Xiaochun has a problem, that is, he has no house. He has always lived in a friend’s house, and I am one of his friends. Fortunately, he has many friends, so he can’t have me for a few days in a month. Xiaochun thinks that I have a bookshelf there. A lot of books, it doesn't look like a rough person's residence, I have a lot of video tapes, I can show the girls, and I am not afraid of offending the neighbors, I can make troubles at any time, and I can cook, so I don't have to open it in the middle of the night He drove around looking for restaurants, so he decided that my house was suitable for sniffing honey, and he would bring any new girls to my place. When he brought a girl, he often showed guilt and was very disturbed. With a smug look on his face, he enthusiastically introduced the uglier one to me. Xiaochun is my college classmate who has always lived in Donggaodi. I met him in a restaurant after I moved from the city. He was overjoyed. Happy.Donggaodi is located 10 kilometers south of Beijing. It is very remote. Many Beijingers do not know this place. It is the seat of the Aerospace Launch Vehicle Research Institute.My father works here, so I got an apartment, and there was no one to live in, so I moved here. It was very inconvenient for my friends in the city to find me. , very hard to get out, great for compulsive writing.I was very determined when I moved here, and I wanted to finish writing a novel, but after only a month, I felt that I had miscalculated, because the consequence of being alone is often that I sleep 10 hours a day, and during the 14 hours of waking, I sleep. 4 hours on the phone, 5 hours of cooking, 5 hours of staying. The progress of the novel is extremely slow. I can sum it up this way: a resolution is a resolution, it has nothing to do with the object of the resolution, that's all. 15 At my house, Buzzing and Feifei seemed very reserved at first, after the four of them drank a cup of tea each, Feifei relaxed and chatted with me and Xiaochun, Buzzing sat by the side, looking mysterious, she looked dizzy She looks sleepy, and only makes an "ah" when the conversation involves her. Under Xiaochun's questioning, Feifei told us a lot about the girls in her class. I heard many names, such as Mengmeng, Cocoa, and Huanghuang, all of which are two words connected together, which reminds me of me. A dog market I visited. Feifei is also a virgin, 18 years old.Virgins generally have a lot of superstitions, for example, many virgins believe that once a girl has a boyfriend, she should not have another one, just like virgins who want to try a second one after getting a girlfriend, of course, If a superstitious virgin meets a virgin boy who is also superstitious, life must be difficult for both of them. I say this referring to my youth. I remember that I also had a good time with a virgin. At that time, I remember The habit of diary, even in the unknowing diary, after I have recorded my love for my current girlfriend, I will use the English I just learned to write down some fantasies about other girlfriends. The level of English is so poor that I can’t read it like some kind of cipher, otherwise, those symbols will become ironclad evidence, I mean, in the eyes of ordinary people, it is enough to prove that I have been a hopeless little hooligan since I was a child . 16 Closer to home again. Sipping tea, Feifei talked to Xiaochun and me about the situation in their class with great relish. At first, they talked about how many boys and how many girls there were, who was from where, and what were their characteristics. I listened impatiently, and then, Feifei talked about the love history of each girl. She only wanted to talk happily, but the listeners were very angry, even a little bit annoyed, because the beautiful love stories Feifei told were in my heart. From what Xiaochun heard, it was all "The Adventures of a Pervert". We were angry, why weren't those male protagonists us?Of course, another situation should be clarified, that is, why do only Feifei and Buzzing have no boyfriends among the dozens of girls in a class?Feifei and Hum probably haven't thought about the issues involved in this matter. I mean, generally speaking, boys pick girls who are the most beautiful. After clarifying these situations, you will know why Xiaochun and I are so out of breath, right? 17 For me and Xiaochun, Feifei’s words contain a lot of information. When these information comes out of Feifei’s mouth, it is a "meaning", but when it reaches Xiaochun and me, it becomes another "meaning". This is enough to prove that language is a Very unreliable stuff, this conclusion can be used to remind some people that if they want to do something with language, they have to weigh it beforehand. For example, Feifei said: Our girls live in other places. When we first arrived at the dance hall, we were only 12 or 3 years old. We didn’t know anyone. We practiced very hard every day. We were always homesick, and some people cried. We didn’t have much money to play. , We have never been to many places in Beijing. After a year, we met some people from outside. They invited us to dinner and took us to play. Slowly, we became familiar with Beijing. In the minds of Xiaochun and I, this sentence became such a "meaning": Damn, they just arrived for a year, and a bunch of beasts started to sniff them!Don't even think about it, they are only 13 or 4 years old, and you still invite them to dinner and play with them!Shameless! Xiaochun asked: How did you meet outsiders? Feifei said: I first met a person, and that person had many friends, and then we played together all the time, and gradually we all became acquainted. This sentence became the "meaning" in the minds of Xiaochun and I, that is, the way of those grandchildren is the same as the two of us——Xiaochun met Feifei and Buzzing through the soldier who opened the canteen, and then put the two of them together introduce to me.Of course, this "meaning" also contains many questions that confuse Xiaochun and me, such as: whether the other group is like the two of us, and before they get these girls, they will first divide them up privately, so as not to hurt each other. Friendly? Xiaochun asked: What happened next? Feifei said: After graduating from the high school attached to the dance academy, most of the people in our class were directly assigned to the troupe, and only a few girls were admitted to junior colleges.Later, when we summed it up, we discovered that the girls admitted to junior colleges all have one characteristic? Xiaochun asked: What are the characteristics? Feifei said: Everyone who is admitted to a junior college has a boyfriend outside. Xiaochun asked: Why don't you two take the exam? Feifei said: How can we afford so much tuition!Besides, it's useless to learn. This sentence became such a "meaning" for me and Xiaochun: it turns out that these girls who learn dance dare to do anything at such a young age!Moreover, if you want to get a better one, you have to pay for their tuition! 18 In this way, Xiaochun and Feifei chatted, one innocent and the other with ulterior motives, Buzzing and I sat aside and listened, Feifei talked about a lot of things, although it was miscellaneous and not many useful things, but I think, for Xiaochun That's enough, at least it's no problem to get Feifei. 19 A few days later, Xiaochun asked Feifei to come out to play again. This time Feifei came with a girl named Huang Huang. Huang Huang is from Sichuan. In addition to having all the advantages of Sichuan girls such as fairness and slenderness, she also has some Northeast girls. The advantages, I mean, sexy and plump, Xiaochun specifically told me that she has a boyfriend who is out of town, that is to say, in a place far away from her, but I am close in front of her eyes, another meaning of Xiaochun, It refers to me, he means, I always pick and choose the girls he finds, all the girls I think of are far away in the sky, but Huang Huang is right in front of me, as long as I get her permission, I can have a good look at her. She can do whatever she wants. Of course I am very happy to do whatever I want with a new girl, but I have to ask for permission, which is very difficult, because people may agree, but they are more likely to disagree. Well - I'm not interested in self-defeating, so getting acquainted with Huang Huang has become such a thing, in order to be happy, I have to risk self-defeating - many people say this is a matter of course, yes It's a good deal, but I don't think so. There is a factor involved, expressed in a word in mathematics, called probability. Speaking of this, you should understand what I mean-it's impossible!I can list the girls I have known since I was a child, as the denominator, and the one that allows me to do whatever I want as the numerator, and I will tell you what the score is--from the point of view of the limit, it tends to zero. However, I still set off with Xiaochun. We first invited the two girls to dinner, and then went to the Oriental No. 1 disco in the Asian Games Village with them. The reason why I went to Dongfang No. 1 was because my sister was working in a newspaper at the time. He had free tickets to all the discos in Beijing, so Xiaochun asked me to leave, and then visited all the discos. Finally, he said, the best one is Dongfang No.1. Speaking of Dongfang No. 1, I personally think it is a very good disco, with a large space, fashionable music, long performances, and beautiful girls. Unfortunately, the name is a bit problematic. In the past, people from various places living in Beijing Every household has a house number, and No. 1 specifically refers to the public toilet. Therefore, every time I hear Dongfang No. 1, the reaction in my mind is "Oriental Big Toilet". An unfortunate memory, as soon as I entered the disco, I really seemed to smell a toilet-specific smell-I don't mean the cheap perfume smell, but the more primitive and direct smell-with this I feel like I'm having a hard time moving hard on the dance floor and breathing heavily. So I sat at a bar near the dance floor, lit a cigarette, and drank a Coca-Cola while smoking. From what I saw, Xiaochun, Feifei, and Huang Huang were dancing on the dance floor. I noticed that they were nothing like dancers. On the dance floor, I swayed my upper body slightly with the music, and my eyes looked here and there, I didn’t know what to look for. Soon, I turned my attention to other girls. There was a slender girl near the DJ stage, wearing jeans and a top. In a tight sweater, dancing vigorously, I could see her face, which looked strangely beautiful in the light, and stood out among the crowd of dancing people. Suddenly, I recognized her, but for a moment I couldn't I couldn't remember her name, so I looked at her for a while, and suddenly, I turned my head around, and found that many men were also looking at her, and one of them even opened his mouth so greedy - what a silly look!I can't help but feel dark when I think that I'm in the company of such a person, but my eyes can't see anything unless I look into the dance floor, so I have to look at the girl again. Fortunately, she happened to be caught A man called him away. Seeing the two people leaving intimately, I quickly glanced around and found that the onlookers showed disappointed expressions in unison. At this time, Xiaochun and the others came back. They drank some drinks and the music was playing "GO WEST" sung by "Pet Shop Boys". On the stage, a group of boys and girls in navy uniforms performed a vigorous dance. "Let's dance together?" Xiaochun said to me. 我说：＂你们先玩你们的。＂于是，他们又去跳了。 接着，我便忽然在人丛中看到了刚才那个在舞池里蹦迪的姑娘，同时，我也终于记起了她的名字，刘琴。 20 刘琴与我有些渊源，我不得不介绍一下她，以免大家弄不清楚在我的小说里到底发生了什么，我特别讨厌混乱的小说，那种小说犹如抒情诗，想到哪儿就说到哪儿，令人头晕目眩，我认为混乱说轻了是轻率与不负责任的产物，说重了就是作者的脑子进水了，不够清醒，那样的作者能有运气找到同样不够清醒的读者，完全是这个世界上的一个不解之谜，很长时间以来都令我感到非常不可思议。 长着一张小狐狸脸儿的刘琴曾与我有过一次鱼水之欢，那是半年前她发现自己的男友另有所爱的时候，在此之前，她一直死抱着她的迷信不放，就是我谈过的那种迷信――她认为如果她自己不与别的男人上床，她的男友也不会跟别的姑娘上床，当然，她男友的行为使她终于破除了迷信，解放了思想，而我却意外地因为她转变观念而交了好运，那是在一个聚会上，我和一个朋友老牛与一帮不太认识的人坐在一个饭馆里，先听老牛小声地介绍了一下她的事迹，然后大声地介绍我们相识，她当时拿着一个大号扎啤酒杯大叫：＂我怎么喝不醉呀？这是什么酒呀――都五扎了！＂我对身边的老牛说：＂你看，喝晕了――一定是叫她那色狼男朋友气的！＂没想到这句话竟传到刘琴耳中。 她转过头来，盯着我说：＂你是谁？＂我说：＂不是刚刚介绍完嘛――＂她说：＂介绍了那么多人，我哪儿记得住？＂我说：＂记不住就算了。＂她说：＂你刚才说什么？＂我用同情而礼貌的口气说：＂我说你男朋友也太不像话了。＂她却用无情而无礼的口气反问我：＂这跟你有什么关系？＂ 由于她大叫大嚷，此刻，半桌的人都把脸冲向我们，大家知道，刘琴脾气火暴，最近心情又不好，因此，很可能无事生非，大闹一场，有这种好戏可看，他们当然绝不放过。 我见势不妙，想走，被坐我旁边的半醉的老牛一把按住了：＂别别别啊，人家姑娘问你话呢，别走别走。＂他伸过头去，对刘琴说：＂你刚才说什么来着？＂刘琴对老牛说：＂他议论我是什么意思？我跟他有什么关系？＂老牛转过头看着我：＂是啊！也是啊！＂一副挑事儿的样子。 事已至此，我也只得强充硬汉了，我放大声音，为的是让在座的其他人听得见，说道：＂有关系啊――＂＂什么关系？＂这回又是老牛，他得意洋洋地，脸上是一副唯恐天下不乱的神情。 我说：＂我可以帮她啊。＂＂你帮谁啊？＂刘琴说道。 ＂帮你啊――＂＂帮什么？我和我男朋友的事和你有什么关系？你能帮我什么？＂＂一起报复你男朋友呗。＂＂报复什么？＂忽然，大家哄堂大笑起来，大笑声中，刘琴手中的杯子咣地一声掉到桌上，人却出溜到桌下，等人把她拉出来才发现，她已吐得满地都是。 聚会照常进行，刘琴被横放在3把椅子上呼呼大睡，那天不知为什么，大家闹得很晚，夜里3点钟才散去，临散前，大家开始相互询问是谁把刘琴叫来的，不幸的是，没人承认，及至问到最有可能的老颓，他咕哝了一声就又趴在桌上睡去了，我和老牛面面相觑，吐一吐舌头，看来，送人的任务最终落到我们头上。 我们一人一个，连哄带说，把老颓和刘琴分别弄到两辆出租车上，我钻进老颓的出租车，老牛一把抓住我：＂别啊，我送老颓吧，我们顺路，那刘琴是你惹上的，你送吧。＂＂我不认识她家，也不认识她。＂＂那不管。＂说罢，老牛把我揪出出租车，自己强行坐了进去，然后一溜烟跑了。 我来到刘琴坐的出租车边，打开门，推刘琴：＂哎，你醒醒――＂刘琴推了我一把，往后座一倒，睡着了。 出租司机问我：＂去哪儿？＂我说：＂我不知道。＂出租司机冲我喊道：＂抬下去抬下去――＂我说：＂我也不认识她。＂＂那你们怎么在一块儿啊？＂没办法，我走到后座门口，深吸一口气，探身进去，把刘琴的小背包拿下来，打开，翻找她钱包，里面除了300块钱外，什么也没有，背包里有一个小化妆包，一串钥匙，一小盒纸巾，一个没电的手机，没有任何东西说明她住在哪里。我只能再次叫她。 刘琴睁开眼睛，但不说话，然后又闭上。这时，出租车司机已经十分不耐烦，骂骂咧咧地叫我们下去，我只好把刘琴拖到车外，放到路边，把她的后背靠在一根电线杆上，我坐在她身边，点燃一支烟。 半天，凉风一吹，刘琴醒来，她四下看看，看到我，说：＂我想上厕所。＂我点点头，恳切地说：＂去吧。＂＂可是，厕所呢？＂＂我不知道。＂＂这是哪儿？＂＂东直门。＂＂我刚才是不是睡着了？＂＂你喝醉了。＂＂是吗？＂＂是。＂她打了个哈欠：＂几点了？＂＂不知道。＂她站起来，开始向两边张望，辨认方向，然后说：＂厕所在那边――我先去一趟。＂她说着便向马路对面走去，一辆出租车＂吱＂地一声紧急刹住，传来司机的叫喊：＂不要命啦！＂ 刘琴犹豫了一下，像是没听见，她绕过出租车，接着往前走，看到这里，我也只好跟上，本来我是想悄悄溜走的。 我走到刘琴身边，她说：＂我没事儿，你回家吧。＂我灵机一动：＂要不要喝点热茶，醒醒酒――上完厕所以后。＂她点点头：＂好吧，你在这儿等我。＂＂我也去――去男厕所。＂