Chapter 43 43

43 Another word that should be picked out is "uneasy". Insecurity is the backbone of my life, the reason for everything.I did everything in my power to get rid of this anxiety.The days of indulgence when I was young, traced back to the source also came from this.I look for excitement and different states because I am afraid that my life will be empty, I am afraid that I will miss something, I am afraid that there will be better scenery, more delicious food, more charming love, and more pure life, so I will do what I want. He also refused to stop, and hurriedly threw everything at hand and rushed forward.I later learned that there was nothing better.Not here, not there.

I understand everything, but I can't resist the restlessness that turns me into a fool, who behaves badly and does stupid things.Even in happiness I am restless, because happiness will eventually change.It is not the law of the universe to remain the same. If you have been happy, then it is likely to be followed by misfortune. I waited for Chen Tian's call in my room. Every evening, if he didn't call on time, I would feel restless.I began to be as fearful and apprehensive as a little girl in first love, worrying about gains and losses, and I was annoyed and helpless about this.

But this is just the beginning. We meet often, at least twice a week, and sometimes he calls five or six times a day, and I stay in the room all day to answer his calls.We ate, drank tea, looked at each other, and then he took the longest detour to see me home.During those days, he insisted on driving with one hand, and the other hand consistently held my hand and never let go.We never had more intimacy than that hug over fish food. He once tried to explain his attitude: "It's not fair to you, there are too many messes behind me." He put forward higher requirements: "Don't heat up, don't cool down, don't be far away and don't be close, that's it, okay?"

I said that "it is not the law of the universe to remain the same", and he must have understood this. In the first days he was afraid of cooling down, and in the later days he was afraid that my boiling temperature would destroy his life. Of course, that's for later. For the time being, we are still going for a ride on the third ring road with our hands in our hands.