Chapter 11 ten

Xu Hengzhong is here again, really annoying.For a while, he came every Sunday, bringing his unlovable little Kun with him.I get upset when I see this little boy.Small nose and small eyes, a poor little boy who is neither strong nor lively!But my mother actually liked him, and often held him in her arms, as if holding her own son.This situation is even more unpleasant. "We're here to spend Sunday with you!" Xu Hengzhong yelled while standing at the door with a smile on his face.He carried a plastic mesh bag full of vegetables in his hand.Probably because I was embarrassed after eating a few meals here, I have to pay it back today.Rare!I asked my mother: why does he always come to our house?My mother said that he had just "liberated" and that no one interacted with him, so we should not alienate him.

Today, I hope mom rejects him.what is this?But my mother didn't say a word, and I couldn't tell whether she was happy or not.As usual, Ma's face was calm and her eyes were sad.The human eye is really strange.The eyeballs can't be colored, and they can't be flattened or rounded arbitrarily, but the eyes are capable of changing.I like to study my mother's eyes the most.But sometimes I also feel that these two "windows of the soul" are not very useful. I lie on the window and look in, but I still can't see anything in the house.I often struggle with this. Xu Hengzhong took all the dishes out one by one.Xiao Kun helped.Mom didn't move her hands or mouth.

I don't want to join such a party.Students have asked me: "Who are they from you?" Some students said: "My father knows him, and I heard that he is the 'Gang of Four'!" Mom doesn't think about me.I go out and don't eat at home. "Mom, I went to my classmate's house!" I greeted and walked out.Xu Hengzhong said with a grin: "Don't delay going home for dinner!" Strange!Do you want to take care of our family affairs?How old are you?I ignored him and left on my own.My mother followed me to the door without saying a word, and looked at me sadly: "Which classmate are you going to?" I replied angrily: "Not far! I will come back by myself."

I ran forward.I just want to cry.Looking back at the door of the house, my mother was still standing at the door and looking at me, as if wiping tears.Mom is also hard enough.I have to be a secretary, I have to teach, and I have to do housework.The wages are low and you have to do everything yourself.The last time I got a salary increase, my mother was judged, and she gave it up to someone else.I think my mother still looks like a Communist Party member only in terms of salary, and nothing else.Can the hearts of Communist Party members be inscrutable?Even her daughter can't understand her heart.Don't you mean to be a transparent person?I don't see my mother being transparent.Is Uncle He Jingfu considered a transparent person?Still can't see clearly.

By the way, Uncle He has never been to our house since his mother didn't let him eat that day.He promised to make friends with me.I'm mad at my mother.Mom was too rude to Uncle He.Mom doesn't welcome Uncle He, why does she often like to talk about him?The day before yesterday, she criticized me for not living a hard life, so she said: "If you are allowed to rely on your own labor to eat like Uncle He, you will know how to live." I asked, "Is Uncle He coming on Sunday?" She put on a straight face: "Nonsense! What is he doing here? Isn't he busy looking for a partner on Sunday?" I asked again: "Who is his partner!" She became even more impatient: "It's so annoying! Mind your own business! I How do you know about him!" If you don't talk about it, don't talk about it, it's strange!Didn't you mention Uncle He first?snort!

I know which building Uncle He lives in?I went from one building to another, wondering if I should inquire one by one. A young man wearing a school badge looked at me again and again, then suddenly reached out and grabbed my braid and said, "Are you the little regret of Mr. Sun's family?" If you regret it, you regret it, why do you still bring the word "small"!And casually pull other people's pigtails!In our school, the male and female students don’t even speak a word, which male student dares to pull the female student’s braid?Can college students break the rules?Unhappily, I pulled the braid out of his hand and swung it over the back of my shoulder.

"Hey, quite stubborn! Braids are for people to catch! I just like to catch little girls' braids." The young man smiled cheekily, not feeling embarrassed at all. I was at a loss, so I muttered, "Then grab your sister's braid!" He laughed even harder: "I don't have a sister, so I can only grab your braid!" He stretched out his hand to grab it again.I quickly dodged and ran away.After running for two steps, I thought, why not ask him where Uncle He lives?So he stood down again.He ran up to me, patted my head and said, "Don't be angry, I'm just joking with you! Where are you going?" Find Uncle Ho.

"Uncle He is sick and is staying in the hospital. I'm going to his room to fetch some things for him. Let's go!" He dragged me towards a building, telling me along the way: He called Xi Wang, he recognized me as my mother's daughter from my face. I was anxious to ask him about Uncle He's condition.He said, "Go get your stuff first. I'll tell you right away." Xi Wang opened a small room next to the toilet on the third floor.What a humble hut!Apart from a battered wooden crate and a few wooden shelves for books, there was nothing that could be called furniture.There are two hard frame beds in the house.Uncle He slept in the lower bunk, and the upper bunk was a mess of things.The other bed was empty, and Xi Wang said that faculty and staff whose families were out of town often arranged for their relatives and friends to stay there for a night or two.What a rustic bedding!The quilt of the big red flower Serge has faded to grayish purple, and the cotton is exposed in several places.The pillows were small and hard with a plain towel on top.

"Uncle He lives like this!" I was surprised and heartbroken, so I couldn't help asking Xi Wang. Xi Wang was packing the washbasin and other things into a net bag.Hearing what I said, he looked back at me, sighed and said, "Little Regret, there are so many regrettable things in the world! If I hadn't come to see him early in the morning, he wouldn't have died in this room." People know it! When I opened the door and came in, he was already passed out. Acute pneumonia, or he will die. Oh! Come, let's go!" "Did you forget anything?" I reminded him as I closed the door.

"By the way, cigarette bag!" Xi Wang patted his head and shouted. The cigarette pouch hangs above the bed.I took it off, held it in my hand, and walked out with Xi Wang. "Why does Uncle He have to smoke dry tobacco? It looks so old-fashioned!" I said looking at the dry pipe.An ordinary cigarette pouch, the cigarette purse is sewn with a piece of earthen cloth, which is already worn out. "This is a souvenir left by Uncle He's father. Little Regret, when Uncle He recovers, let him tell you the story of the pipe! His father is so kind!" "Tell me about it first!"

"No, I'm going to the hospital right away, and besides, I can't tell stories." I wanted to go see Uncle He with him, but he disagreed, saying that the hospital does not allow us to see him.He promised me to walk with him for a while, and we broke up at the bus station. How much I miss Uncle He.Living in the hospital, who will take care of him?Does his "object" know that he is sick?Xi Wangzhun knew who Uncle He's "target" was.I asked, "Have you told Uncle He's partner?" "How can he have any object?" "I don't know either. It was my mother who said he was busy looking for a partner." "Oh?" He was very interested in what I said, leaned against me, and asked me a little mysteriously: "Does your mother often talk about Uncle He? Does she have a good impression of Uncle He?" "I can't tell. Mom often talks about Uncle He, but she doesn't want to keep Uncle He eating at our house." I looked at Xi Wang and continued, "But that Xu Hengzhong often comes to our house and eats. I hate him to death." I don't want to speak ill of my mother, but I also don't want to tell lies in front of Uncle He's friends.I concluded that Xi Wang was Uncle He's friend. "So?" He stopped talking.What does it mean? "Who do you think is better, Uncle He or Xu Hengzhong?" After a while, he asked me again. "Of course Uncle He is fine." I replied without thinking. He was so happy that he couldn't help tugging at my braid again: "We both know exactly the same. Uncle He is a person with personality. Personality, do you understand?" "Understood. My classmates say I have a strong personality." In fact, I really don't understand what a personality is.But how dare you admit that you don't even know your personality? Xi Wang shook his head and smiled: "No, little regret! Uncle He's personality is not the same as yours. You are a child's wayward, aren't you?" I nodded, a little embarrassed. "But Uncle He's personality is that he has his own independent views and unique attitudes towards life and things. He pursues what he believes to be correct and beautiful goals, and perseveres! Uncle He knows what a person is, and he respects Human value. He had great self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence." "The teacher said that too much self-esteem is individualism!" I interrupted, not sure if it was right. "Oh, little pity! People have no self-esteem and are reduced to animals. You don't understand these things now. All in all, you can learn a lot from people like Uncle He, things that you can't learn from others .He never spoke insincerely, or useless 'high way' words." right!This is exactly what I love about Uncle Ho.In the words of our middle school students, I think Uncle He is "not vulgar", but that Xu Hengzhong is "vulgar". "Vulgar", really "vulgar"!How nice it is for Mom and Uncle He to make friends!How about comparing Dad with Uncle He?My dad looks much better than Uncle He.Dad has a pair of slender eyes and double eyelids under his two slender eyebrows.The bridge of the nose is high and straight.The mouth is long, thin and diamond-shaped.How soft the lines of the whole shelf are!It seems to be drawn by the most skillful painter. When this painter painted, his hands never shook or his heart shook, so the lines he drew were smooth, well-proportioned, and natural.But does Dad have a personality?It doesn't show at all in the photos.Mom never wanted to talk to me about Dad.Xu Hengzhong is still at my house.It's annoying! "Crack!" I broke off a boxwood branch on the side of the road. "Is there something unpleasant in your mind?" This Xi Wang is really good at seeing people's hearts.I kind of admire him.My mother said: "Unfortunately, it's not easy to make you admire someone!"Because I don't see many people to admire.They always say that they must fight for communism and be impartial.But what about action?But they are all selfish, benefiting themselves at the expense of others.Even us high school students are like this.This Xi Wang does not seem to be such a person. "Do you like Uncle He very much?" I asked Xi Wang.While I'm sure it must be, would love to hear good things about Uncle Ho straight from his mouth. "Of course, I like it very much. Originally, I just tried to understand him and help him because my father had punished him and felt sorry for him. Then I fell in love with him. Do you know my father? He is from this school Xi Liu, secretary of the party committee, is the one who labeled Uncle He as a rightist." "Your father is so bad." I said this sentence as soon as I opened my mouth. His face blushed, and he immediately said: "No, it's not very bad. His behavior is also caused by special historical conditions." "You are defending your father!" I said unhappily, defending Uncle He. "Little Regret, you are wrong. I am trying to treat a person fairly. I have neither preference nor respect for my father." "That's not how I treat my dad." How bad!How can I say such a thing?Why did they lose their vigilance all of a sudden and dismantle the line of defense?I felt my face burn and hoped he hadn't heard the words.I didn't speak too loudly just now, did I?Another truck just happened to drive past us, right? He turned his face to look at me, his eyes half a smile, indicating that he had heard that sentence. "Talk about your father!" He still asked me like this. I bit my lip and didn't speak.Can't afford to lose our guard any longer. "I heard he is a handsome man? I really want to see how beautiful he is!" he said. Couldn't help it, really couldn't help it, and took out the torn photo from his pocket to show him.My dad is beautiful, I am so happy! He looked at it for a while, then said to me, "It's really beautiful. Your mother probably saw that in the first place." "What did you say?" I was a little annoyed. "I said, everyone likes a pretty face. Everyone has the love of beauty. However, for a person, what is more important is not whether the face is beautiful, but whether the heart is beautiful or not. Teacher He Jingfu Your heart is beautiful. Do you understand?" "You mean, my father's heart is not beautiful? You don't know my father! My father is not like your father. He didn't label him as a rightist." He pulled my pigtail again: "Hey, I really have feelings for my father! It seems that your mother didn't tell you anything. You are not young anymore, your mother should tell you about the family affairs. Or , There will be a gap between you mother and daughter." This Xi Wang is really not easy!He seems to know everything.Mom shouldn't have told me nothing.Mom, today I must have a serious talk with you, and ask the matter clearly.But did Xu Hengzhong leave?This Xu Hengzhong, who has no personality, makes people feel "vulgar" and sticky!And his poor little boy! "Okay, it's time for me to get in the car! You should go home too! I told Uncle He that you have been here, okay? He often talks about you too." We break up and I walk back.Ah, the pipe is still in my hand! Xu Hengzhong and his son were still there, drinking tea around the dining table!For some reason, my heart suddenly became angry, and I couldn't hold it back!I put Uncle He's cigarette pouch on my small table, moved a chair and threw it on the floor, and sat in the middle of the room. My mother glanced at me and then at Xu Hengzhong, as if she was a little angry.But she still said to me gently: "I left some food for you, I'll go and heat it up for you." "I've eaten." I twisted my body and said. "Where did you eat it?" Mom asked, her tone still gentle. "I eat at my classmate's house! I will eat at my classmate's house every Sunday from now on. This way I can save food, money and trouble for myself. Just be thick-skinned!" I got off the chair and turned my back to my mother. "We're going home. Sorry, goodbye!" Finally a little bit of understanding, Xu Hengzhong is going home.Who said "goodbye" to you?I secretly turned my eyes to look at him, only to see that his blush was not red, nor white, but shiny, like sweat and oil.He probably didn't know what it was like in his heart, so he didn't know what color it was on his face.I think this is what the Chinese teacher means when he talks about moving from the heart to the outside.Look at his "vulgar" appearance!It's funny.Take it upon yourself! Mother said "goodbye" to Xu's father and son at the door and went back into the house.I heard the door slam shut, hard and loud.Apparently, Mom was pissed. "Do you still know a little politeness? In your eyes, am I still your mother? Do I deserve your respect?" My mother never yelled when she was furious, and her voice was much lower than usual, and her articulation was clearer than usual. It sounded like every word was like an arrow, piercing straight into people's hearts. I also realize that I just went too far.But it seems that I met a ghost today, and the fire in my heart just can't be suppressed.Although I didn't want to add fuel to my mother's fire, I fell hard on the chair for the third time. "Crack! Crack!" I received two slaps on the back, which were very heavy and painful. "Hit it! Just beat me to death! I don't want to live anymore!" I burst into tears, yelling in my mouth.I've never cried and howled like this.My mother doesn't beat me very often, and the beatings are not severe, and every time she beats me, she has to cry by herself, as if she was the one who was beaten.Today's beating is so heavy, it can be seen that my mother is really angry.I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!I must have encountered a ghost today, otherwise, why would I regret it more and cry more fiercely?Mom must be more angry.I put my head on the back of the chair and cried, preparing to be beaten again. Nothing happened.I looked up at my mother. She was sitting on the bed, staring blankly at the front, as if sad and surprised. "How do you say such a thing? Who taught you to say this? I don't want to live for a long time? Is this your own words, sorry?" Mom was talking to me, but she wasn't looking at me. "Mother is not cute at all in your eyes, is she? You feel miserable living with your mother, don't you? Then you go to him, go to your father!" I trembled all over.These words hurt me more than beating me, because I feel that my mother doesn't love me anymore!Although I have opinions on my mother, my mother is still a good mother!If I don't have my mother's love, if I leave my mother, I will really die. I stood up and walked to my mother, and cried on my mother's body. "Mom, please forgive me. I won't say these things again. I don't know what's wrong today. I'm upset and confused. I just want to get angry." "Where did you go just now?" Mom stroked my head and then my back - the place she hit just now. "I saw Uncle He went. He fell ill and was admitted to the hospital." My mother's hand shook on my back: "What's wrong? Didn't you ask?" "Acute pneumonia, Xi Wang said." Mom immediately pushed me away and stood up.I pulled my mother and said, "Mom, I was wrong." "Okay, sorry! Let's go eat." Mom said, walking to the bookcase, finding a book: "Common Diseases in Internal Medicine", and turning to the chapter "Acute Pneumonia".Halfway through, her expression changed. "What's going on now?" Mom looked at me nervously. "There's no danger. Xi Wang said so." "Okay. Let's go eat, sorry. May I heat you up?" Mom said with a sigh of relief, her eyes still on the book. "No, Mom. I don't want to eat anything. Please tell me about you and Daddy, I'm so old." Mom's shoulders moved.She put down the book and said neither good nor bad.She went to the desk, unlocked the lock that separated her from me, took a letter from the drawer, handed it to me, and went to the kitchen.Seeing that the envelope said "Zhao Yan in City A", my hands were shaking and my heart was about to jump out. "Sun Yue, I ask for your forgiveness!" The opening sentence speaks for itself!It poured on me like a basin of cold water.I think of Xi Wang's words, for a person, the beauty of the soul is more important.Can a man of good heart do anything so bad as to beg forgiveness?Is Dad's heart beautiful? "How did I get together with Feng Lanxiang?...In short, I adopted a cynical attitude towards life. I played with my feelings and my personality...." That's right, that's right!There is a woman, a bad woman!what!He has such a beautiful face!Now the face is blurred in my eyes, so blurred that I can't make out. "What makes me even more unable to forgive myself is that in order to achieve the goal of divorce, I hurt you by any means and tortured you mentally. Sun Yue, can I still be considered a human being? Am I still worthy of being the father of my child?" what!His nose is so high and straight!His lips are so soft and generous!His eyes are so affectionate and earnest!He hurt his mother, tortured his mother, and did whatever he could!What kind of person does things unscrupulously?bad guy!Bad guy! "Now, I have received the punishment I deserved, and my hair is all white." Punish it, punish it.Punish severely!Punish this heartless man! I have so much affection for him!For him, I had many misunderstandings and dissatisfaction with my mother.I carefully glued up the torn photo and kept it precious by my side.I hope one day...no!Now I hope for nothing.The photo should be shredded!Shred it! The photo no longer exists.I tore it into little bits and threw it into the trash.Maybe I'd feel better if he died.I can never tell my classmates what kind of father I have! forgive?no mom!Do not forgive!I do not forgive! I lay down on the bed and cried loudly.I have never cried so sadly.I was panicked, sad and angry as if suddenly thrown into a desolate world.I can't wait to tear everything apart, even myself! My mother leaned on my shoulders and kept calling "Sorry! Regret!" Mom's tears flowed down my cheeks and flowed with mine.I hugged my mother and said, "From now on, I will never make you angry again." My mother sobbed harder. "Mom, I will never get married and never leave you." Mom burst into tears.Growing up so big, I seldom heard my mother cry.She wept often, silently. "Why didn't you tell me earlier, Mom?" I wiped my tears and asked Mom. "I don't want to destroy your beautiful imagination. I'm afraid you will feel embarrassed in front of your classmates. Unfortunately, it's my mother who is not good. My mother's feelings are fragile, and when she can't stand the torture, she will vent on you. My mother also feels for these things. Uneasy and sad. But I can’t change it. From now on, we, mother and daughter, will live a life dependent on each other! We can live well.” I lay in my mother's arms for a long, long time.I feel that today I have become one with my mother, and the lock on the drawer does not exist. "Eat something, it's time to be hungry." Mom said to me gently.In order to comfort my mother, I ate it. Mom cleaned up the dishes.I was scrambling to wash, my mother smiled at me, this smile made my heart sweet and sour.Only today did I realize how much pain my mother had in her heart.Mom swallowed the bitterness into her belly, it was all for me!And me?Have I thought about my mother?I've always been afraid of my mother getting married again, is that right? I couldn't help but glance at my mother again, how beautiful and young my mother is! "Mom, Uncle He lives in the hospital, who will bring him food?" I suddenly thought of Uncle He, doesn't he like his mother?I like him again. "No one, sorry!" Mom replied. "I'll go get him something to eat, okay?" I asked tentatively. "Okay, sorry! Put down the dishes and chopsticks and I'll wash them!" Mom replied, blushing a little. I was happy and sad at the same time.Mom really cared about Uncle He too!I quickly said to my mother: "Go! Mom." In order not to let my mother feel my sadness, I smiled and said to my mother: "Uncle He is really a good person. Xi Wang said that he is a person with personality. When I grow up, I also want to be a person with personality." My mother replied: "Yes, yes. Okay." I said again: "When Uncle He is discharged from the hospital, invite him to our house for dinner, okay? How ignorant you were that time. Be polite!" Mom faltered and said, "Go ahead, we'll talk about it later." How eager I am to know how my mother treats Uncle He!So I have to catch up: "I'll tell him today, okay?" Mom's face darkened: "Don't talk nonsense, sorry!" I couldn't help but say half dissatisfied and half coquettishly: "You can make an appointment Your friend Xu Hengzhong is here for dinner, so can't I invite my friend He Jingfu to have dinner?" Mom's eyebrows furrowed: "Kids don't care about adults' business!" Ah, that lock is still hanging on the drawer.I pouted and was about to leave when I suddenly remembered Uncle He's pipe: "Pass me the pipe on the table, Mom! This is Uncle He's family heirloom." It was only then that my mother noticed the cigarette pouch on my desk. She picked it up, looked at it again and again, waved to me and said, "Go! He can't smoke due to his illness. Give it to him when he recovers!" Mom is very thoughtful.Does she like Uncle He or not?