Chapter 7 six

The aunt delivered the meals, and the three of us sat down at the dining table.As usual, I sit on the "top", my wife Chen Yuli sits on the left, and my youngest son Xi Wang sits on the right.My aunt is opposite me, and I can add rice and hot dishes at any time. Xi Wang is a sophomore in the Chinese Department of City C University, lives on campus, and only goes home on weekends.I try to avoid talking.The boy's mind and character became more and more outrageous.The two people who looked down on me the most under my leadership as the party secretary were both in my home, the first was Xi Wang, and the second was Chen Yuli.I am not afraid of Yuli, no matter how much she laughs at me, she is still with me.Xi Wang is different, he seems to have to get rid of me as party secretary before giving up.He was a real "rebel," a rebellious son.

He grumbled as he picked up the rice, and stopped halfway through a bowl of rice, and reluctantly called me "Dad".I looked at him to see what he had to say. "I heard that you talked about it at the party committee, can't people like Xu Hengzhong be truly relieved? Forbid him to publish articles?" He asked, with a taste of reproach at the beginning of his mouth. The "Cultural Revolution" messed up everything, and even the members of the party committee did not understand the difference between inside and outside.How can the principles mastered internally be spread out?Discipline must be rectified!

"This is a matter within the party committee! What problem did you find again?" I replied unhappily. "Which family's policy are you following? When will you understand that the power given to you by the people is not for you to punish people, let alone for you to take personal revenge?" Every word was like a gun, and I was speechless. .I ignore him.If the child has something to say, let him speak!Who told me to be my father?As long as he doesn't openly dismantle my platform outside.I am most afraid of this. "Is it true that you have no other talents except to punish people? Then you can spend your whole life in You Ruoshui! All the teachers of the Chinese Department know that Xu Hengzhong is just You Ruoshui's pen. When 'criticizing Deng', who is as active as You Ruoshui? Even the remnants of the 'Gang of Four' praised him as a stream of running water, a stream of long running water! Now this stream of running water surrounds you again. Come to flatter every day, you like this the most!"

I put down my chopsticks and reprimanded loudly: "What do you know? You're getting more and more flamboyant!" He grinned sarcastically: "Show face! Dad, do you think that using such vocabulary can weaken the seriousness of our conversation? I really think about you. Who told me that I am your son?" I was too angry to speak.Yuli knocked on his rice bowl in dissatisfaction: "Please, don't talk about this, okay? Xi Wang, you are always dissatisfied with everything now, don't you feel that this emotion is dangerous?" Really ignorant, this Yuli!What are you interrupting?When did he put your eyes on you?It is considered polite for him to call you "Mr. Chen".

"Teacher Chen Yuli!" Here we come!I don't know what he's going to say! "I'm not dissatisfied with 'everything'. I'm just dissatisfied with 'some' phenomena. Very dissatisfied." Fortunately, his tone is very peaceful, but his two big eyes are wearing glasses There was a strange light behind it, which was a signal for him to shoot sharp arrows at others.I handed the rice bowl to Yuli: "Give me some rice!" Yuli ignored it, and the auntie took the bowl.How ignorant, this Yuli!You should get up and go! "But I want to ask you: Are you satisfied with everything now? For example, do you really believe that Dad is better than your old husband? Do you really believe that Dad loves you? As far as I know, Dad is writing to you When I wrote the letter, my mother and I were also very affectionate. Didn’t he tell you that he wished to kill all of our brothers and elope with you like a bachelor? But he is really good to our brothers and gives us love every day. Buy chocolate! If you don’t believe me, ask my aunt!”

Auntie just came in with a meal.Xi Wang always called her "my aunt", and he grew up with her.I was quarantined and my salary was withheld, all because she raised him with her little savings.Yuli wanted to fire her several times, but Xi Wang said, "If that's the case, I'll sue the court!" I don't agree with Yuli.We cannot be ungrateful.It's just that I suspect that she has had a bad influence on Xi Wang.She loves Xi Wang's mother too much and doesn't like Yuli. Auntie handed me the rice bowl and left without saying a word.If she said something about Xi Wang, Xi Wang would listen.But she didn't say it.I can't stop talking.

"It's so presumptuous!" I slapped the table and stood up.The dishes on the table jumped up.Yuli also stood up, his face turned red and turned pale, and he couldn't say anything.She can only act like a baby in front of me, and she can't come up with any useful ideas when something really happens.In this regard, Sun Yue is much better than her.It is precisely because of this that she will become my wife. Xi Wang seemed to be admiring our movements and expressions with great interest.His eyes are rolling under the lens. He is my most beloved child.Not only because he is the youngest; he is handsome, especially with big intelligent and deep eyes.When he was young, I took him around, and when people saw him, they would praise him: "Look at this child's eyes!" My heart is really sweeter than eating honey.Unexpectedly, these eyes bother me now.Look at the way he looks at me now!It seemed to be saying to me: "What's your reason? Say it! Say it!" The hateful thing is that I can't say a word.

"Okay!" He waited for two minutes, seeing that we were not talking, he shrugged his shoulders and stood up. "It seems that you don't like to hear what I say. Then I won't say it." He made his way to his room, but drew back immediately, looked at me and said: "But, father! To tell you the truth, I don't really hate this relationship between you and her. It just proves that One of Engels' arguments: "The fact that man comes from the animal kingdom has determined that man can never completely get rid of animal nature, so the problem can only be to get rid of more or less, and the difference in the degree of animal nature or human nature." My most What cannot be tolerated is..."

Oh my God!Give me such a son!What are these words!Humans have animal nature!His father is beastly!Also misrepresent Engels! "You can insult your father! But you are not allowed to slander Engels! You are too presumptuous! Too presumptuous!" I shouted hoarsely. After hearing what I said, he laughed for a while, pulled the door frame and did pull-ups three times, jumped down and said to me: "My Marxist father, please go and read the twentieth chapter of "The Complete Works of Marx and Engels". Volume 110. Those books are getting moldy. But you're too busy adhering to the principles of Marxism to read them, haha!"

He walked out to eat and asked, leaving a presumptuous "haha" sound. Yuli threw the chair and rushed out.Let her go!It's nothing more than getting angry with me again.I really doubt whether I really made a mistake in this marriage.I originally wanted to find a safe and secure family to comfort myself in my old age, and also to make up for the loss Yuli suffered because of me.But now it seems that it is completely impossible.Several older children did not understand me and did not associate with me.Xi Wang forgave, but what he forgave was my "beast nature"! What kind of home do I have!Lonelier than a man without a home.No one understands me outside, and no one understands me at home.There are a lot of guests all day long, but how many people have a little real relationship with me?Human feelings are as light as water, and officials are ruthless.Over the years, I have really seen through, figured it out, and had enough.They say that I cover You Ruoshui.Why didn't I know that You Ruoshui had a problem?But after all, he is my old subordinate. Although he "counterattacked me" in those years, he secretly treated me well. As soon as the "Gang of Four" was smashed, he ran to me and confessed his mistake bitterly.I can't push out everyone who has a little affection for me.I don't have many capable people under my command, how can I stand firm in C City University?

No one understands me.I have suffered so much!I thought history was fair and let me live a happy old age.Unexpectedly, history still grabbed me and gave me a rebellious son.I have no choice! The terrible thing is that I sometimes mentally agree with his fallacies.I have to admit that he is more upright, simple and less selfish than me.Because he has not yet reached my age, let alone my experience. Maybe I'm really behind the times? Could it be that what he just said really belonged to Engels?I went into the study and found the book he was talking about.The printing house did a poor job, the one hundred and tenth and one hundred and eleventh pages were not cut.really.There is this passage he said.Never heard of it before. Nor is it in the Quotations of Marx and Enriques.Of course, what we must earnestly study and uphold is the essence of Marxism. "Have you studied this essence seriously?" It seems that the son is asking.No, he didn't come out.He's asked me that before.I have always believed that class struggle is a key link, and the key points are clear.This is the essence of Marxism-Leninism.Now the students' thoughts are confused, and the teachers' ideological work is difficult to do. It is the result of losing the outline and forgetting the line.But the central government doesn't seem to see it that way.I don't want to bother God to figure this out.I admit that I haven't read a few books on Marxism-Leninism.I learned Marxism-Leninism from the documents that came down from above.What's the use of reading more books?Those who have read the complete works of Marx, Engels, and Liz will still say one thing today and another tomorrow.The superiors want us to study theory and business.I'm old, I can't do it!look!If you really can't keep up, you can retire after a few years.It's too early to throw in the towel now. Auntie came to clean up the room and bring tea. "Auntie, Xiao Wang'er is getting more and more outrageous. You have to talk about him more in the future." I complained a bit when I spoke. "Everyone loves their own. I think this child is not bad. Who is good and who is not, it's up to each person. Money can't buy caring." She didn't even look at me, and left after speaking . I'm just looking for a nail, knowing that she is a "child party"!However, Xi Wang, this kid might really be promising.The problem is booting.I can't guide him enough.He was only a teenager when his mother died, and the old aunt spoiled him.His mind turned out to be blank, and when his mother died, all kinds of messy things were stuffed into his mind.Children are victims.I am also sorry for the child.Go and have a good talk with him!After all, a father is a father, and he cannot have the same knowledge as a child. He was concentrating on reading something.The boy's life was simple.There is nothing valuable in the room except a tape recorder for learning foreign languages ​​and a semiconductor radio.He used all the living expenses given to him every month to buy books.I wanted to give him more money, but Yuli refused.Once the salary is paid, she will settle it.A woman's heart is narrow. I walk very lightly and wear soft-soled cloth shoes.He didn't look up until I sat down on a chair and made a noise.Seeing it was me, he closed what he was reading, and it turned out to be a notebook.He stood up and called "Dad", much more docile than before.There was a burst of joy in my heart. I coughed and started talking to him.I said, "Xiao Wang'er, Dad has rarely talked with you these years. It is understandable that you are dissatisfied with Dad. Life has been turned upside down, and Dad also has Dad's difficulties!" I was really moved. , Throat a little choked.He poured a glass of warm water and placed it in front of me.I took a few sips in succession.I said again: "Dad is very sorry for your mother, but Dad has not forgotten your mother. We are comrades-in-arms who were born and died together..." He took the portrait of his mother on his desk in his hand, and gently stroked her hair .Although she is thin and thin, her hair is always black.I drank several more sips of water. "Dad got married at such an old age, it is really a last resort. You know my body..." I suddenly felt pitiful and couldn't continue.When a person gets old, he can't be strong.Now, I feel that I am in great need of emotional comfort and care in life.This point, the child does not seem to understand. "Dad!" The son stood up from behind the desk, pulled the chair to my side and sat down.For the first time in many years, our father and I sat so close.My heart beats faster.I am old, I am really old, and I need the warmth of my son so much.Children don't understand this, right?I looked at him gently and said, "Xiao Wang'er, tell Dad what you think! Dad wants to know you very much." "Okay, Dad! I really want to find a chance to talk to you too. I have no problem with you marrying Teacher Chen, and I shouldn't have any problem. I love my mother, but my mother no longer exists. Your Life does need care. What I regret is that there is no love between you..." "Children, love, that's for young people. All we need is to take care of each other." "Maybe so! I don't want to interfere with your private life any more than I allow others to interfere with mine." "So we can come to an understanding on this point?" I asked hopefully. "That's right." He nodded with certainty. "Our differences lie in our attitudes towards history and reality." I said "Oh" and listened carefully. "Dad, history has left you traumatized. But you should not forget that you are also responsible for history. Shouldn't you be responsible for China's twists and turns in the past few decades? Just say anti-rightist! Are you A well-known anti-rightist hero in colleges and universities across the country, he discovered the problem early, fought back early, had a large number of rightist students, and fought resolutely against rightist ideology. These are the capitals recorded in your credit book. But the back of this page is What? Dad, have you thought about it?" Of course I did.I am responsible for the expansion of the anti-rightist struggle.But the spirit comes from above, and I haven't created anything.I can't take responsibility that I can't afford. "The back of this page is the blood and tears of the victim! That overseas Chinese student Xiao Xie, in order to protect the reputation of the party and the country, never told his mother the real reason why he couldn't go abroad to visit relatives. His mother scolded him for being unfilial one after another. He endured it all. After he was rehabilitated, he thought he could tell his mother the truth. But when his mother thought of his long-term misunderstanding of her son, she couldn’t stand the stimulation and went crazy! And He Jingfu, the son of a poor peasant, his whole family cut down on food and clothing to support his education. But he was labeled as a rightist and expelled from school! After several generations of painstaking efforts, he was replaced by a rightist hat! Dad! Thinking of this, I wish I could poke a hole in the sky to vent my anger! If you were not my father ...I can never forget the suffering you suffered in the past few years. How I wish you would think about it, think about it! But it seems that you seldom think about these problems. All you think about is how to get back the ten years I don’t want to make up for the losses I caused to the people. Others have gained huge spiritual wealth after ten years of turmoil, but you have lost a lot of precious things. Your thoughts are becoming more and more empty, rigid, and vulgar... ..." If a superior spoke to me like this, I might seriously consider it.I also feel that compared with me more than ten years ago, I have not added any valuable things except a lot of personal gains and losses.However, it is my son who is criticizing me now, who is just over a third of my age.I felt flushed and hot, unacceptable.I brought the teacup to my lips, and there was no sip of water.He may have seen my uneasiness, took the teacup and added a little boiling water. "As for historical issues, I'm afraid you can't act emotionally. A period has its own situation, and a period has its policies." I think this is the most appropriate answer. But the son still seems to be immersed in his feelings.He grabbed my hand eagerly: "Dad! I really hope you keep up with the times!" I calmed down a little, and tried to put on a kind smile and asked, "What do you mean by the pace of development of the times?" "Can't you feel it, Dad? I feel it. So real! So strong! I feel it in my own inner stirrings, in the wishes of millions of people, and in some unique characters To feel it... Our lives, full of storms and miseries, what a unique man it has made! Daddy, can't you really feel it?" Is this still my youngest son?I just don't know it anymore.Standing in front of me was a handsome and passionate poet, and I was deeply moved by his verses.I looked at my son emotionally: what a beautiful young man!Tall and straight, strong and free and easy.Full of vigor.When I threw myself into the revolution, that is what he looks like now.My son, my son, if you don't think about those big and illusory problems and just learn to write poetry, you will be successful. But what kind of person does he mean by unique person?What kind of people does he often hang out with?What effect did the thoughts of these people have on him?The questions popped up one after another, and my excitement subsided. "Tell me about a unique person you admire!" I said with a smile. "He Jingfu, you should be very familiar with him, right? You called him a good guy. But he never cares about personal grievances. He thinks about the whole history and life. Although he only works as a data officer in the department, he is a student His prestige is higher than that of any teacher." His tone and expression showed that he was already fascinated by He Jingfu. During the Anti-Rightist Movement, 10% of the students at C City University were classified as rightists.I can't remember what happened to them.But I still remember He Jingfu.Because of his problem at that time, Zhang Yuanyuan and I had a falling out.She called me an executioner who strangled youth.When Zhang Yuanyuan was critically ill, I went to see her, and she kicked me out: "If you still have a conscience, bring those young people back to me one by one!" But I know that some of them have been lost , will never come back!The only will left by Zhang Yuanyuan is that I am not allowed to attend her memorial service.This is really a heartless and stubborn old lady!We have gone a little too far with those young people.The young people have some rightist thoughts, but also some unhealthy feelings and consciousness. It is a contradiction among the people. Education should be the main thing, but we beat them as enemies.The effect is not good wow!But can this be my fault?I am also carrying out the orders of the superiors! "No, you want to be an official! You want to climb up!" Zhang Yuanyuan insisted that I admit this.But what basis does she have?Yes, I once said to her: "We came from a liberated area. Your qualifications and level are similar to mine. But because of your right-leaning thinking, you have not been promoted. Several times, I want to mention you as the deputy secretary of the party committee." ..." I want her to be an "official", not for myself at all.I really can't get along with this old lady. "He Jingfu's attitude is very good! Everything is divided into two. We have gone too far with him. This is one aspect; but on the other hand, he does have mistakes. His thinking is extreme! His relationship is not healthy! If he can learn lessons from this, we welcome it. Our party’s policy has always been to learn from past mistakes and avoid future ones, to save the sick and save the sick. At present, we must mobilize all positive factors, unite all people who can be united, and march towards the four modernizations!” I said to my son, The tone is extremely peaceful. However, the son's eyes were strange and mocking again.Two eye-catching lights shot out from behind the Xiu Lang glasses. "Policies, you know by heart." He said. "Doing party work!" I replied. "Unfortunately, you only memorize the rules but not the people. And the policy is right for the people." He returned to his writing desk and fiddled with the notebook he was looking at just now. "Do you have frequent contact with He Jingfu?" I asked tentatively. "Yes, we talked together almost every two days." The son replied, like a challenge. "What are you all talking about together?" I asked again. "Why, do you want to collect He Jingfu's materials and put him back on the rightist hat?" The son's challenge was even more serious. "I just hope you choose your friends carefully. Young people tend to go to extremes. If they like someone, they will praise him to heaven. He Jingfu has been wandering outside for so many years, do you know what he has done?" I said, with a serious attitude Woke up.The contact between Xi Wang and He Jingfu will never have a good result.I have already seen the signs in Xi Wang. Unexpectedly, this angered the son.He came up, stood straight before me, and said to me in angry and mocking tones: "Since the secretary is concerned, let me report on He Jingfu's wandering life on behalf of He Jingfu! He has traveled all over half of China and worked as a coolie. Of course, he has never engaged in a socialist economy! He is a small producer. He also "frauded" once: once, he couldn't find a job, and food became a problem. It happened that a brigade was going to build a brick kiln, and he asked him if he would, and he said yes. But in fact he didn't Yes. After signing the contract, he went to another place overnight to see the appearance of the brick kiln, measured the size, drew the figure, and came back to draw a gourd according to the same pattern, and he actually built it for him. Look, isn’t this a scam? You will not do the things you would not do. He still insists on making mistakes. For more than 20 years, he has never forgotten to study the theory of human nature and humanitarianism. He regards the whole of China as a research institute, and he absorbs nutrients from the people. Seeking answers. He has now completed a book: "Marxism and Humanism." He picked up the notebook he was looking at and raised it to me: "Here, this is it. Are you interested?" "What? Marxism and Humanism? What is he trying to explain?" I asked. "He wants to explain that Marxism and humanitarianism are not incompatible. Marxism embraces humanitarianism and is the most thorough and revolutionary humanitarianism," he said. What nonsense.Once the strings of class struggle are loosened, bourgeois ideas will flood.After decades of criticism, there is still a market for the humanitarianism of the landlord bourgeoisie!However, in front of my son, I dare not speak rashly on such issues, for fear of being caught by him again.I have to look up relevant information on this issue. "Very good!" I said flatly, "We'll read it when he's finished! Anyway, the contention of a hundred schools of thought is not to engage in bourgeois liberalization. You should improve your ability to identify, and don't think that something new is revolutionary. .Freshness does not equal revolution.” I am a little proud of the latter aphorism, so I repeat it.Unexpectedly, he was caught again—— "So old-fashioned equals revolutionary? If you can't speak any new ideas and language, then you are the most revolutionary?" "I can't go with you! Go your own way! I'm not responsible." I stood up and put the teacup on the table and said. "I didn't intend to make you responsible. However, Dad, I sincerely advise you to ask for retirement! The party will approve you. This is the best way for you. Don't you think that with your ability and character In comparison, is your power too heavy and your position too high?" "Probably, you think I don't even have the qualifications to be your father? Then get out of this house for me!" I just can't stand it anymore.Should being a father be ridiculed like this?Then I would rather not have this son.Be alone be alone! Xi Wang glanced at his mother's portrait on the desk, his eyes dimmed.Maybe, he will admit his mistake to me?I stand there and wait. "Okay, Dad! The emotional connection between us is already fragile. I live with you just because of my mother. When my mother died, she took my hand and said, 'Promise me, forgive your father , Never leave him!' I agreed, and she closed her eyes. Now it seems that we should separate. From tomorrow, I will move all my things to school, and I will not come back on weekends." "You—" my voice trembled. He turned his eyes elsewhere and said, "I still have to rely on you. Are you willing to provide me with thirty yuan a month for living expenses? If not, I will apply for a scholarship." "I'll give you thirty yuan a month for living expenses." I said weakly. "Then you talk to the salary department, I'll go there to get it directly. I won't make you angry when I come back." He said calmly. I nodded and walked out of his room. Yuli pointed at me aggressively: "Why, have you gone to apologize to my precious son?" "Stop talking nonsense!" I growled. Cry, she will cry!While crying, she said: "I was deceived by you and fell into your trap. If I knew this, I would not marry you if I died alone. Now even my children ignore me, what am I trying to do... " What are you drawing?You know it yourself.I sneered and said to her, "It's not too late for you to wake up now. If you want to leave, just go. I can live alone." She cried louder, but stopped saying the words.Poor woman!I walked over and said to her gently: "Don't cry, don't cry. Tomorrow, Xi Wang will move out, and only you and I are left at home. Whether you are cheated or cheated, you and I have to go to the end. We can't Let people see the joke again." She stopped crying and threw herself into my arms. That night, I didn't have any dreams.