Chapter 8 seven

"I moved out of the house!" Xi Wang threw his luggage on my bed and said loudly to me, seeming happy and angry at the same time. I couldn't figure out what "moving out of the house" meant, so I sat him down and said it slowly.After listening to him talk about the conflict with his father, I was silent for a long time. "Teacher He, I think it's better to be like this. There is nothing to worry about when you come and go naked. What's the point of having a family?" Seeing that I didn't speak, he started talking by himself. I am still at a loss for words, for the emotions which this action of his has aroused in me are extremely complicated.

"From now on, the relationship between me and my father is only thirty yuan!" When I heard this sentence, my body shook, and I couldn't help looking up at the young man. I like him.We can be called "friends who forget the year". One day, when I was writing in the dormitory, a young man came in and said to me generously: "Mr. He, let's chat?" I looked at him suspiciously. "My name is Xi Wang. The son of Xi Liu. But don't worry, I'm not the same as my father." I laughed at this unique explanation: "You are just like your father, so why should I worry?" "Of course you have reasons to worry. The destruction of you is one of the many stupid things my father has done in his life. And he still refuses to lose the capital of 'Anti-Rightist Heroes'. If I and If he does, you're out of luck." I'm not used to a son talking about his father like that, even though he's someone I don't like.I said to him: "We don't need to talk about your father. Look, what else can we talk about?" He nodded and answered me: "I want to ask you a question: You have gone through so many hardships. So positive? Do you still believe in everything you once believed in? Or, have you seen through everything, just like Zhuangzi, pursuing freedom in your own subjective world?" At this time, I began to seriously look at the The young man across from me is gone.He has eyes that are extremely inappropriate for his age.Those eyes made him look older and more mature than his age.This is a pair of deep and passionate eyes.I like to look directly at others, and I want to see through others' hearts, or get people to tell the truth.I trusted those eyes and told him the truth.We have been friends since then.

I once asked him: "Why do you have so little experience, but you can think about so many questions?" His answer surprised me: "Only animals know the world only by their own direct experience. I am a human being, and I am A son of our country and people. The experience of the country and the people is also my experience. All the questions raised in this experience, I have to think about it. This is my responsibility and my right." I fell deeply in love with him. Today, however, his actions strike me as strange.Why, the relationship with my father is only thirty yuan?What kind of relationship is this?

I know there are all kinds of fathers and sons, all kinds of family relationships and ethics in the world.But I can't accept that the so-called class struggle and line struggle are brought into every family, and parents, children, husbands and wives, and brothers are always required to sever ties or draw boundaries.Are the previous lessons not enough?Thankfully my family didn't treat me that way. How should we evaluate Xi Wang's actions?I cannot say that he did it for selfish purposes, for he had a passionate love for the country of his birth and upbringing.But for sure, if Xi Liu is my father, I will not abandon him.

"We are two generations after all." I was stunned for a while, and I just said this sentence.Very vague. "Don't you agree?" He didn't like ambiguity, and looked me straight in the eyes. "No. But I wouldn't act like you did." I know it's still vague, but it's impossible to be clearer. "Then you still disapprove," he said firmly. "It's because we have different fathers." Yes, we have different fathers.My father, an honest farmer, didn't know what a worldview was, nor could he explain ethics.But he worked hard all his life for others, until finally he gave his life for his children.My father spent his life teaching me what kind of person to be.I would not trade a father like this for a father like Xi Wang.Even if you give me ten for one!

"But a father is a father after all. Otherwise, why do you ask him for living expenses?" I said. he laughed.Smiling frankly and naively: "This shows that we are two generations! If I don't ask him for 30 yuan, I have to apply for a bursary. Why do I have to 'sufficient and give more than enough'? Hasn't he already started from Are the people getting paid too much? It's impersonal, isn't it?" "Your way of thinking about things is a bit peculiar. We can hardly agree on this. I still hope that you will not shirk your obligations to your father. Your father is not a bad person, is he?"

"It depends on what point of view you look at. From the perspective of historical development, he should be eliminated. Because I am his son, I persuaded him to withdraw from the stage of history automatically. If he doesn't listen, I can't help it. Let Let the wheel of history teach him a lesson!" I looked at him in amazement.It turned out that I didn't know him very well.Today, I feel the other side in him—indifference, extreme indifference.I don't understand how extreme enthusiasm and extreme indifference are unified in him.Does passion breed apathy, or does apathy breed passion?My young friend, what do you believe and what do you stand for?

"I know you advocate fair play. But it doesn't work in China now. It's hard to get back!" He seemed to have guessed my thoughts. "So, must we carry on the tradition of the 'Gang of Four', advocating a 'breakout' revolution in every family and every mind?" I got a little excited. "I don't advocate that. We all face history, let history choose everyone, and let everyone make their own choices in front of history. Everyone can only be responsible for history and themselves. Besides, there is no more responsibility No. I don't value blood relationship. Unexpectedly, you, a tramp who has been wandering for half a life, value this very much."

His last words were tinged with obvious sarcasm.In his opinion, a tramp should not have the slightest sense of family.Not only that, but you should also hate the family, right?But I am just the opposite.Family, which left me with painful memories, also left me with the most precious legacy.It is this kind of painful but warm memory that casts a soft color into my wandering life.I yearn to have a family and treat my family like my father. "Yes, blood relationship and class relationship are separated by thousands of mountains and rivers. However, blood relationship is the initial form of all social relations, the most basic unit. If we can't even handle blood relationship well, we can still govern the country and society well. Society?" I was excited, and my voice became much higher.

"Handle the blood relationship well! That is your fantasy. Open your eyes and see! It is this feudal concept of valuing blood relationship that dominates many cadres to reach out to the people for the benefit of their children, and even break the law and discipline, harming the people. Benefits. I want to uproot this kind of thinking!" He was also excited, his eyes sparkling. "But don't forget that our people have also created another kind of family relationship, another kind of ethics and morality! From Mencius's 'Old Wu Lao and the Old of Man'..." I couldn't help raising my dry pipe.How I want to tell this young man the story of the dry pipe, the story of my father and my family!His eyes saw too much darkness.He knows too little about our people and nation to see the light.He does not understand that it is precisely in the presence of light that darkness becomes unbearable.

But he interrupted me with a smile: "A truce, a truce! Today I realized that you are much more complicated than me. Maybe it is because of the richness that life has given you! Today I have to move, and we will talk about it later. I put Some things are temporarily placed here with you, do you object?" I nodded, and he walked out, but immediately poked his head in from the door and waved to me.I walked over, and he leaned close to my ear and whispered: "Today is Sunday, go talk to Teacher Sun Yue! Since you need a family." I pinched one of his ears.But his eyes told me to let go: he wasn't exactly joking. Sun Yue.During the meeting that day, she suddenly took out a needle and thread and handed it to a single comrade, telling him: "Put your buttons on." I looked at my chest, and a button was missing.But she only looked at me.Sun Yue.What a coincidence, we met in the bush the night before.I saw her wandering, caressing the low shrubs gently.I approached her, she nodded at me and hurried away.Does she remember—?Sun Yue...it's really disturbing. It seems that the original plan to stay in the room and write something seems to be in vain.But I will never go to her house.I can't stand being left out like that. I left the key on the door for Xi Wang, and walked out alone. Where are you going?aimless.Did she go into the bush by chance? But it turns out that the flowers are blooming everywhere, and spring has been here for a long time.The seeds buried in the soil will always bloom and bear fruit as long as they survive the severe winter.What about the seeds buried in the heart? Sun Yue, don't you feel the need for a home?Sun Yue, why can't we have a good talk?Every time I hear your speech at the meeting, I feel that our hearts are getting closer.But when one or two people meet together, I feel that we are so far away.Why is this, Sun Yue?I bumped into you in the hallway yesterday when I got off work.You ask me, "Don't hang out on Saturday night?" What does that mean?Answer me, Sun Yue! "Who is looking for my mother?" A girl suddenly opened a door and stood in front of me. It was Sun Yue's daughter Regret.Did I call Sun Yue?Have I knocked on her door? "Uncle, you came here once, right? Are you Uncle He Jingfu?" Regret asked me, and I nodded. "Mom, Uncle He Jingfu is here!" She called to the door again. "Come in, uncle!" He greeted me again.What a kid who knows how to entertain guests.I mechanically followed her in.I'm really angry with myself, why can't I control myself so much? Take the teacup.Make tea.Sun Yue was very polite to me, like receiving a "rare guest".This is a warning to me: "Keep your distance!" I really want to go out immediately.But I sat down anyway. "Xi Wang had a falling out with his father and moved his things to my place. Let me tell you." What is this?Report thoughts?Hitting Xi Wang's little report?God only knows.Why don't you just drop by and take a look?Generous and decent. "Young people today are still happy, breaking all taboos and fully exercising their right to freedom of choice." She said, without looking at me. I was taken aback: "You actually approve of this kind of action?" "What action do I approve of?" she asked, also in surprise. "I agree with Xi Wang breaking up with his father." "I wish I had the courage." "Then what do you mean?" She blushed.She paused for a while before answering me: "Me? I probably thought of something else. Over the past few years, I have developed a habit of talking to myself, and sometimes I say something casually, and I don't even understand it." She didn't look at me again. How alike we are!I also love talking to myself.I can't tell when this habit was formed.There is not only one "I" in everyone's heart.This "I" and that "I" often have talks.Lonely people have more "I" in their hearts.They overcome loneliness with him.What did she just say?Envious of the happiness of young people, who can fully exercise their right to free choice?This is what she said to herself, yes.But speak your mind.She feels some kind of unfreedom, there are taboos in her head, that's for sure.She was choosing, that was also certain.But what does that mean in concrete terms?What is she choosing?What is taboo? She was flipping through a book, and I went over to check, it was Hugo's. I have read this book more than once.When I wandered along the Huaihe River, I met my junior high school Chinese teacher in a county town.He is from this county.He is waving a banana fan and selling watermelons.The fair skin has turned dark, the soft black hair has disappeared, and most of the top of the head is bald.Only the yellowish eyes and the slightly raised sword eyebrows still retain his demeanor back then.He was my "enlightenment" teacher, who led me to the path of literature.How do you sell watermelons now?In 1957, when I was being criticized, I received a letter from him: "I have left school and transferred to another place, so please do not write again. There will be a period later, each of you should take care of it." Could it be that he also... "It's really a famous teacher who made a good apprentice. A watermelon seller taught a homeless man. Haha!" He pulled me and smiled.But tears rolled in the eyes. He told me that he had become an "extreme rightist".I just came back from the place where "birds fly away in thousands of mountains, and people disappear in thousands of paths". "I'm most afraid of watching "Wild Boar Forest", can you understand?" "I can understand, sir! But why?" I grabbed his hand and cried.I rarely cry.A man doesn't flick his tears lightly, just because he hasn't reached the sad place.Later, I heard that if the salary is not evaluated, it will make people cry, which is also understandable.The texture of each person's heart is different, so the damage they may suffer is also different! "I introduced it to the students, and promoted reactionary humanitarianism. Attacked the dictatorship of the proletariat." The teacher took me to the residence, took out a book from a cardboard box in the corner of the wall, and handed it to me: "Have you read it? " "I read it. I read it in college. During the decisive battle between the revolution and the counter-revolution, Hugo wanted to reconcile the struggle and rely on human nature to resolve class conflicts. This can only be an illusion. The revolutionary general Guo Wen let go of the counter-revolutionary uncle , did commit a crime. Hugo sang his praises," I said. "Your point of view is correct. But is there any reasonable element in Hugo's ideal, you say? Forgot? Think about it. Here, here, on this page." He was as persuasive as he was back then. "Is the purpose of the revolution to destroy human nature? Is the revolution to destroy the family, to suffocate humanity? Absolutely not." I want every quality of man to be a symbol of civilization and master of progress; I A spirit of liberty, an idea of ​​equality, a heart of fraternity.'” "This is the words of the protagonist Guo Wen, and it is also Hugo's thoughts. Do you think it is worthless?" the teacher asked me. "No. Hugo's question is very interesting. It's a pity that his ideals cannot be realized in capitalist society. The bourgeois revolution is to take the status of the feudal class and replace them. Their freedom, equality, and fraternity can only be hypocritical. "I answered the teacher. "But can the proletariat make it real?" The teacher's two eyebrows were raised high, and his forehead was shining brightly. "I think it is possible, teacher! Don't we communists want to liberate all mankind? Marx said: 'Atheism is the humanism that expresses itself through the intermediary of the sublation of religion, and communism is through private property. The humanism that expresses itself by sublating this intermediary.''Atheistic fraternity was originally philosophical. Abstract fraternity, while communist fraternity was from the very beginning a realistic fraternity that directly pursues practical results.' Marx planned Clarified the boundary between bourgeois humanitarianism and proletarian humanitarianism, but did not deny humanitarianism and fraternity itself!" "Well said! Come, eat watermelon! We have eliminated the reactionaries and changed the form of ownership. Why do people still fight each other? Are we going to kill 8 million people? Come, eat watermelon! I came across a conversation today. My opponent. Unexpected, unexpected that you can be my talking partner at such a young age. The younger generation is awesome, the younger generation is awesome!" The teacher handed me the melon piece by piece, and I ate it piece by piece. "Eat all your money!" I exclaimed when I found that the melon had been eaten. The teacher laughed, and patted himself on the chest: "I am here, no one wants to eat it! Is it a pleasure to have friends from afar?" He handed me the book, and there were two sentences written by Chen Ziang on it. Poetry: "The sage does not benefit himself, and the worry is in Yuan Yuan." Sun Yue is also reading this book, what is she thinking about? "The tide has gone out. Aren't all the colorful shells left on the beach. What did you pick?" I asked. "If you really want to know the tide, you can't just pick beautiful shells, right?" she replied.Still don't look at me. I picked it up and flipped through it casually, and found that the two paragraphs that the teacher had shown me were underlined in red and typed "?!". "Do you appreciate these two passages by Guo Wen?" I asked, pointing to the pages of the book. "I can't say either. I have drawn a clean line from bourgeois humanitarianism, so why would I want to perch on this tree?" she replied. "Is there proletarian humanism?" I asked eagerly. She looked up at me abruptly, her eyes eager.I felt hot in my body and heart, and I couldn't help standing up from my seat and supporting the back of her chair.She looked back at me and said nothing.My heart was blown.I enthusiastically said to her: "Yes, Sun Yue, yes! You should read the works of Marx and Engels! Read it a few times, and you will find that these two great men have a "person" in their hearts, capitalized 'Human'. Their theories and their revolutionary practice are all aimed at realizing this 'human' and eliminating all phenomena and causes that prevent people from becoming 'human'. Unfortunately, some of us who claim to believe in Marxism only remember Their means have been entangled, and their purpose has been forgotten or lost. It seems that the purpose of the revolution is to destroy human personality, destroy human families, and separate people with various walls. We have eliminated the feudal economic hierarchy, However, many political levels have been artificially created. I belong to the eighth black class, and you are the ninth class. Our children are children who can be educated well. People have not been born, but hats have been put on. Is this still materialism? " She stood up, walked over, took a tea bottle, poured tea for me, and called me: "Comrade He Jingfu, sit down and talk!" Like a bucket of cold water poured down my head, I stared blankly at her, her face flushed red.Did I say something inappropriate?Why didn't she point it out to me instead of telling me to sit down.Is it because I got too close to her?She has learned to close her heart to others.She is indeed not the old Sun Yue.I don't sit or walk, I take my cigarette. "Uncle He!" Regret has been watching me, listening to our conversation.Is it to free me from an embarrassing situation?She called me.Sun Yue watched her. I hurriedly pulled the chair closer to Regret, and stroked her hair: "Regret, don't you want to go out to play?" I wanted to say a few words to the child before leaving. Regretfully turned his head, did not answer my question, and asked me: "Are you also my mother's classmate?" "Yes." "Same class?" "No. I am one level higher than your mother." "Then why are you Do you know each other? Our classmates in the same grade don’t know each other either.” “So do we.” “Then you and mom are friends, aren’t you?” I was pushed to this point by a little girl: having to open up about my relationship with her mom.More embarrassing than before.I looked at Sun Yue, her face was a little nervous.Well, let's be honest: "I've always had your mom as a friend." "Where is Mom? I also regard you as a friend, and also 'always'?" I found a danger lurking in this question, for Regret's face was tense and hostile.Sun Yue's face turned pale, and she yelled: "Regret!" Regret challenged her mother and said, "Ask what's there! You asked my friend the same way." Sun Yue gave me a dissatisfied look, stood up and walked out.Regret bit his lip, eyes filled with tears. "Sun Yue!" I shouted, with reproach. "You stay at home, I'm leaving." I said loudly to her.She came back, took a handbag from behind the door, and tried her best to calmly say to me and regret: "You guys play for a while, I'm going out to buy something." After she finished speaking, she left without looking back. I have thorns all over my body.Sun Yue What does this mean?To embarrass me?In front of this kid? Tears of regret flowed down, and he turned his head aside, not looking at me.I wanted to go and stood up.Regret heard the movement, and immediately turned to me: "Don't go." "Why are you asking me questions like that? It's not very polite, is it?" I sat down again and said regretfully.At the moment, I also feel a little disgusted with this child.I think she is very rude.Can a child treat an adult like this?My tone of voice was also unpleasant.Regret bit his lips again, and asked stubbornly, "Aren't you willing to answer me?" I don't know what kind of knots formed in the child's heart.I don't even understand why she is so hostile to me.I didn't want to give her another knot and decided to tell her the truth.I said: "I like your mother very much. But your mother doesn't like me, like your father." "Then you are married now? Just now you said 'our child', do you have any children?" She asked, staring into my eyes, lest I tell a lie. Oh my God!Just now I said "our child" to Sun Yue!is this real?No wonder Sun Yue asked me to sit down and talk, what would she think!Even the little girl noticed this sentence.Is that why she is dissatisfied with me?My face must have flushed, I thought, and the aversion to regret disappeared. "I'm not married, unfortunately. Of course I don't have any children." My answer seemed clumsy, and my articulation was also dull. "So, do you know about my father and mother's divorce?" The hostility in this question obviously strengthened. "Regret, I don't know, I just found out recently. Before I graduated from university, I was wrongly classified as a rightist and expelled from school. Since then, I have never seen your mother again." I fully understand the regret in Regret's heart. I felt a little lumpy, and I felt a little more relaxed, so I answered her sincerely. Regretful eyes softened.What a pair of beautiful eyes!Exactly like her mom.I breathed a sigh of relief. "Did my mother ever beat you?" she asked.I immediately shook my head, and she let out a sigh of relief. Our conversation lightened up. "Have you been rehabilitated?" "Fair." "What's the use! You're old." "If you understand right and wrong, how can you say it's useless? Unfortunately, your mind doesn't look like a child's." "I'm not a child. What are you doing back home?" "Farming the land." "No wonder you are smoking a dry pipe." She took my pipe, took two puffs playfully, and handed it to me: "Is it the land that has been planted for more than 20 years?" "No. I have been wandering outside for more than ten years." Child, your eyes are wide open.Just like your mother couldn't understand City C back then, you couldn't understand my words either. "Bum? Tramp? Like Raz?" she asked me repeatedly.I nodded and shook my head. "Like Laz. But I'm not as lucky as Laz. I didn't have a father who was a judge, and I didn't have Lida. I didn't steal anything." she laughed.Immediately asked again: "Are you begging?" "I work. I have traveled all over half of China and done seventy-two lines." "Why are you wandering? Do you want to learn from Gorky?" Innocent child!I want to learn from Gorky!How did she know that if she could live a different life, even Gorky would not want to wander.But I don't want to say that to my kids. "Ah, what a pity! Is it okay not to talk about this? You are too young to understand." I said to her. "No, I understand, I understand everything. I want you to tell." She was very stubborn. Do you understand, child?Suppose I tell you: I wander for life, but also for seeking, for love.can you understandNo, you won't understand.How can a heart that has been twisted and hurt not lose its life and stop beating?It needs food feeding, but also spiritual nourishment.Where to find this tonic?Only among the people.into the arms of the mother.Just as you lose your father's love, you are more attached to your mother.I am a vagabond, living and sleeping in the open, but I am the closest to my mother.I sucked her milk directly and stroked her breasts.I saw my mother's unmodified face, her beauty and elegance, the white hair on her sideburns, and the scars on her back.There are 900 million children in the mother's chest, and there is no discrimination or preference.The different destinies of her children involved her heart, she had joy and pain; sometimes she sang, sometimes she groaned.What my mother gave me was not only caress, but also encouragement.Can you understand these too, child? "No, boy, you shouldn't know so much," I told her anyway. "You want me to be simple-minded, don't you?" She was dissatisfied. No, child, I don't want to overburden your little heart. "Let's talk about it later, okay? Tell me, where did your mother take you? Have you ever been to the Great Wall?" I comforted her and said, "If you haven't been, uncle will take you there in the future. You should go and see the Great Wall every day." Every Chinese should go to see the Great Wall. Only after seeing the Great Wall can you become an adult!" "Why?" Regret's interest rose again. "How ancient, majestic, and winding is the Great Wall! Our ancestors cast the image of our motherland, the history of the nation and the road they are walking in the image of the Great Wall. Standing on the Great Wall, You'll hear someone whispering to you: 'You know what? The Great Wall isn't finished and it never will be. Every son and daughter of China has to add a brick to her. Did you add it? Did you add it?' You listened , you will forget your own misfortune, and you will answer loudly: "I have done it! I have done it! I have burned my heart and made a brick." Ah, what a pity! At that time, you will understand what is Happiness, what is pain. And now, you still don't really understand. Because you haven't known our common mother, our motherland. Right, sorry?" Regret looked at me with teary eyes, and I couldn't help but wipe my eyes.So quickly, I fell in love with this kid.A child's heart is like crystal, crystal clear and full of warmth.I saw Sun Yue in his youth again. "Aren't any bad people harming you? There are few good people and many bad people in the world now!" "No, it's a pity. Whether in China or in the world, there are many good people and few bad people. Otherwise, our society will not progress, and mankind will have no hope." Regretful eyes lit up.The more I look at it, the more I think she looks like her mother, especially her eyes.Sun Yue's eyes are full of charm to me.I don't understand why those small eyes can contain and convey so much emotion.But Sun Yue has never looked at me with such bright eyes.She either gave me a hard stare or gave me just a brief glance.She gave her whole heart to Zhao Zhenhuan.Zhao Zhenhuan is such a fool for abandoning such a good wife! "Uncle, do you think my father is also a good man?" Unfortunately, I suddenly raised this question, how can I answer it?I don't know the whole process of Sun Yue's divorce.But I sympathize with Sun Yue.However, I don't want to hurt my child's feelings.But her eyes are waiting for me.I could only stammer: "What did your mother tell you? What impression do you have of him?" She opened her schoolbag, rummaged through it, and handed me a photo that had been torn apart and then pasted together. If there hadn’t been an extra child, I really thought I’d seen Sun Yue and Zhao Zhenhuan sitting on the same tricycle back then. "All I remember is this photo—my mother tore it up. I asked my mother: Why? My mother only answered me: From now on, my father will not come to see us, only Huanhuan and my mother." "Mom is afraid of hurting your heart, sorry, don't ask about this matter." I am full of sympathy for Sun Yue, and I feel sorry for the child, and I don't know how to answer. "I'm also a person in this picture, can't I ask why it's being torn up?" Regrettably, this stubbornness is also like Sun Yue.I still can't answer you, kid.How can you possibly comprehend everything that happened in the past? "Uncle He, tell me, do you blame Dad or Mom?" She begged me. "Your mother is a good person, sorry!" I replied. "Where's Dad?" she asked again. "Not a bad guy." I replied.I think it's better to answer like this. "Not as good as Mom, is it? So it's Dad's fault?" How intractable is the child's penetrating habit here!I had to change the subject again: "Unfortunately, can we talk about something else? Have fun in school?" She looked at me dissatisfied and said nothing.I implore her: "Unfortunately, today is the first time we have a heart-to-heart talk. It is impossible to explain everything clearly at once, right? We will be friends in the future, and I will tell you everything. Uncle is in a mess today. Forgive uncle, okay?" ?” She nodded understandingly.I'm relieved from the heavy emotions: "I should have fun with the children on Sunday, what a pity!" "I have no friends. No one understands me. Neither does Mama. How lonely I am, Uncle!" Fifteen-year-olds feeling lonely already shakes me.But what shocked me even more was her demeanor, so much like a weather-beaten adult!My fifteen was much happier than hers.I really want to cry!Why let children bear such a mental burden? "Love your mother, sorry! She is worthy of your love." "But my mother doesn't love me very much. I want to make friends with her, but she always treats me like a child and refuses to talk to me. Uncle, is it because my mother hates my father that she doesn't like me anymore? Think about it How sad!" Big teardrops flowed down regretful cheeks.I don't know how to comfort the child.I gently held her small face and kissed her forehead.Regret broke free from me and blushed.However, the way she looked at me was so soft and full of trust.Children who lack fatherly love and yearn for fatherly love!I seem to have become a father. Sun Yue is back.Regret took the initiative to meet her, and asked her mother, "Will Uncle He be here for dinner today?" I looked at Sun Yue, she avoided my gaze, and said coldly: "There is no food." I pursed my lips in disappointment, I smiled at her awkwardly, turned my head and said "goodbye" to Sun Yue, and left come out. It seems that we can never get home, and the road seems to be getting longer and longer, just like the distance between me and Sun Yue. "Mr. He, where have you been? Have you eaten yet?" It was Xi Wang who was calling me, his hands were full of things, and he still had the same excited expression as in the morning.I helped him take something, and walked forward with him without saying a word. "You seem unhappy?" Xi Wang asked with concern. I nod.I heard him say: "Feelings are the most torturous. Mr. He, I completely understand. I am also like you. I hope that everyone will love each other and everyone will have a happy family, but reality does not allow us to have such an illusion. The relationship between people is broken so badly! There are broken families everywhere, broken hearts everywhere. How can it be completely healed immediately after so many traumas? This generation and that generation, this person and that person, always Being entangled in all kinds of contradictions, pulled back and forth, endlessly. It's tiresome! So sometimes, I feel at a loss and lack confidence..." He was still excited.But obviously not for the sake of happiness. "What did your father say to you?" I asked. "He didn't say a word. My aunt told me that he didn't eat breakfast. I hated him and felt sorry for him. I'd better come out. My aunt cried." We stopped talking and walked one after the other.The sun is past noon, and the shadows we left on the ground are oblique.