Chapter 2 one

Guy, used to surprise me at night I swam forward desperately, in the boundless flood.I don't know where I came from, and I don't know where I'm swimming to.I don't know how long I have been swimming, and I don't know how long I will swim.My goal is just to chase a little girl who is flying in front of me with her watery skin.Her slender arms were swinging, and her short, thick braids were bouncing.She has been in this pose from the time I saw her.I can't see her face.But I feel, I know her, I know her, I love her. I want to catch up with her and let her know that I have a heart for her.

My swimming technique has never been so good.Authentic breaststroke, the movements of hands and feet are coordinated very harmoniously.I just slid on the water without any effort, it was extremely fast. However, the distance between me and her is still so far. I chased without discouragement. Suddenly a drowned cow floated down upstream and headed straight for my head.Frightened and disgusted, I dodged it quickly and veered to the right.Then something caught my feet.All of my strength ran out.I can't swim anymore. The little girl drifted further and further away. I cried out to her anxiously, in a language I had long since lost.A language that only she and I can understand.She finally turned her face to me: a round, rosy white face with slender eyebrows, thin lips, and slightly protruding cheekbones.That's right, it's her!

I want to laugh and cry.I open my arms to her.However, something like a cane was tightly wrapped around my neck.The little girl didn't stop going.I pulled hard and broke free, and the cane became tighter and tighter.The little girl is gone. I burst into tears, I can't lose her! "What sad dream did you have again?" A woman's voice was right next to my ear. Are you talking about me?I am dreaming?nonsense.Can you see everything so clearly in your dreams?Who is this nonsense woman?Why are you so close to me?Strangely, everything in front of my eyes became blurred.The woman's face is on my shoulder.I couldn't see her eyebrows, but felt her sweet smile, like a mask made of paper, blocking my eyes.This mask aroused my conditioned reflex, which produced a painful feeling in my first signal system, and a concept jumped out in my second signal system: wife.Yes, she is my wife Feng Lanxiang.Her hands are wrapping around my neck.Nasty rattan!I angrily tore off the cane and asked, "Why did you pull me back?"

"Where did I bring you back? Are you still awake from your dream?" Feng Lanxiang said to me half surprised, half mocking, while pinching my nose with his hand. I finally saw everything in front of me completely.I am dreaming. "Who are you dreaming of? Still crying!" Feng Lanxiang let go of my nose.What are you doing loose?Just suffocate me.Even my dreams won't let me finish.I turned my head away and pulled the quilt over my head.But she forced the quilt down. "What's on your mind? You have weird dreams every day, you cry and scream, and you don't tell me. You don't regard me as a relative anymore." Feng Lanxiang's voice was full of grievances and sorrow.

I felt sorry for her, and turned my face away again.Immediately, I saw a sweet smiling face again.The two eyebrows grew quite well, but half of them were plucked out with tweezers, and they became thin and pale.It's okay to laugh, why do you deliberately raise your eyebrows to bring out a coquettish attitude?I really wanted to turn my face away again, but I held back.I wanted to comfort her, but I couldn't think of words, so I made a smiling face. "Who did you dream about?" she asked. Really, who are you dreaming about?Who is that little girl?Why do you feel so strange now?

"I didn't have a dream at all. I just felt dizzy and chest tight, and I must have been haunted." I lied.Comfortable lies can be told. She smiled: "Yesterday, you drank too much. But you still want to drink! No wonder, it's your birthday!" Birthday?Yes, everything is remembered.Yesterday, X, X, X, X AD, was my forty-fourth birthday, Zhao Zhenhuan, a reporter from A Provincial Daily.All the best, all the best.In our hometown, "four" is an auspicious number.My colleague and friend Fatty Wang said that it should be celebrated well.There are three reasons: first, during the ten-year catastrophe, I was the lucky one who did not lose a single hair, unlike the leader of the rebel faction, who has just finished the review and has not been assigned a job; second, I have A happy family, his wife Feng Lanxiang is a well-known beauty, gentle and considerate.Daughter Huanhuan is smart and talented in dancing.There are still two good houses; third, I am now "bullish" at the newspaper: the editor-in-chief appreciates my quick writing, and I just got a salary increase.A black gauze hat, not too big or too small, was flying on top of my head, and it was about to cover my full head of white hair.This is really: everything goes well, everything goes well!Lan Xiang (now that I'm fully awake and understand that's what I've always called her) appreciated Fatty Wang's opinion very much.She took out the money she was going to buy for a coat to buy a banquet for me.I knew very well in my heart that they were all trying to please me.Fatty Wang hoped that I would give him a few good words in front of the editor-in-chief so that he could return to the interview department.Lan Xiang was afraid that I would abandon her, or see someone in the dream.If someone pleases you, it shows that you still have some value.Otherwise, why are there so many people who love to listen to good things?I can't help but feel a little pleasure from Fatty Wang and Lan Xiang's flattery.So I agreed: have fun, everyone have a good time.Let everyone congratulate me: everything goes well, everything goes well!

I have never celebrated my birthday like this.Thinking about it now makes me dizzy. A house full of friends.A table full of food and drink. Drink and punch. "Life must be full of joy in this world, don't let the golden cup be empty to the moon." Come on! "How are you!" I said to everyone, and I always held out two fingers.Rarely ever won. "Six and Six Dashun!" "Everything goes well!" "One is missing!" "Everything is here!" The female guests drink orders: "Tiger!" Small insects erode the stick, and the stick beats the tiger.This wine order is extremely simple, but it is full of dialectics.The strong and the weak, failure and victory, are all relative.

music, dance.Funky entertainment.Huanhuan danced a self-made "ballet". Even though her heels were on the ground, she still won applause from the audience.Lan Xiang dragged me to dance for a while, who knows what kind of dance it was.When I was in college, weekend dances were my favorite things to do.My dance partner was always her: the one I had left.The first time we danced hand in hand was "Look, look, look, look, find a friend. Shake hands, smile!" She would laugh as soon as she sang these two lines.I laughed and patted her palm vigorously. rotate.People are spinning.The table is spinning, losing its edge.The room is spinning.The earth is spinning.

I turned around, smiled, and raised my wine glass again: "Come! I am born to be useful, and I will never come when all the money is gone." "Haha! Lao Zhao is drunk and mispronounced the poem!" Fatty Wang yelled. "Punish! Fine!" I admitted my mistake and asked for punishment. I drank the wine in the glass in one gulp, and went to grab the bottle again. Someone snatched my wine glass and pushed me down on the bed. shake.The bed was shaking, like lying on a wooden boat.It is also difficult to open the eyes.I remember my father was once drunk, lying on the bed with his hands clasped, he said to me: "Just kidding! Just kidding!" How old was I at that time?Eight years old?I'm not as "roundabout" as my father, and I didn't do this to Huanhuan.Huanhuan stood beside my bed, opened my eyelids with her small hands, and said, "I wish daddy a birthday." I saw her tiny body knelt down in front of the bed.By the way, I told her that I used to kowtow to adults when I was young.During the Chinese New Year and festivals, pay homage to teachers and birthdays.My father is a private school teacher.Huanhuan is such a smart and well-behaved child!

"Chi chi!" When I was three years old, my grandfather died.I don't like this grandpa.Do not want to go to his mourning hall.But my father pressed my head and shouted: "Kowtow to Grandpa's memorial tablet! Kowtow! Kowtow again!" I suddenly want to cry!Hold Huanhuan and hide in a place where no one is there to cry for it!But I didn't have any strength at all, so I could only wave my hand to Huanhuan: "Go, Huanhuan! Wait until the day when Dad arrives, and you--" A tear trickled down the corner of my eye, and I quickly pressed my face to the pillow.

What about in the future?Then it will be in the flood. Seeing me staring blankly at her, Lan Xiang smiled sweeter and more greasy, and leaned closer to me.I was disgusted and pushed her away.She turned her face to the wall angrily and ignored me.I also ignore her.After a while, her shoulders twitched and she cried.I feel a little sorry that since she is my wife and Huanhuan's mother, I should be making out with her.I stretched out my hand, wanting to pull her shoulder, but immediately withdrew my hand, why should I comfort her?Who will comfort me again?Besides, if it wasn't for her, how could I have lost Sun Yue... I suddenly realized: Sun Yue was the one I was chasing in my dream just now.Of course it's not the current Sun Yue, but the Sun Yue in his youth.Now, the daughter we have born together should be this age. I recall the dream.I feel strange, I was busy and tired all day yesterday, and I didn't think of Sun Yue at all.But at night, I had such a dream.How similar scenes appear in the dream to what we have experienced before! That was when we graduated from junior high school.We took the high school exam and we went home together.Just in time for flooding, we had to take a wooden boat back to the town.Sun Yue was mischievous and kept putting her feet into the water from the side of the boat, splashing water on me.I frightened her: "If you fall into the river, I won't go down to catch you!" "How dare you!" She answered me with a smile.I don't know if she did it on purpose, but as soon as she finished speaking, she really fell into the river.I was so scared that I jumped down immediately, she can't swim!I grabbed her, and she had already drank a few sips of water and was still laughing.I put her on the boat, and I didn't want to go up again. Anyway, my clothes were wet, so let's swim behind the boat.Along the way, I smiled at her and she smiled at me.In this way, her smile led me to swim ten miles in one breath.When I got home, my grandma said that I was possessed by a demon. I looked at her stupidly, and her face turned red.Since then, I have developed a strange feeling for her.We got into the same high school and got into the same university.Finally, we became husband and wife.We are the envy of our classmates.Especially me, how many male classmates have caused jealousy! Who would have thought that we would get divorced after five years of marriage?And I filed for divorce. Right after college, we got married.She suggested it, and it was all for me.I was assigned to Province A, which is more than a thousand miles away from City C, and she stayed in school.I am not afraid of leaving City C, but I am afraid of leaving Sun Yue.I want to ask to stay in City C and be with her. "We should not make any personal demands on the party. I will always be yours. Let's go back to our hometown together and get married there!" she said.I was overjoyed, but also infinitely worried.My father was sick in bed, and there were seven or eight siblings in my family, and the financial situation was extremely difficult.Always buy some necessities!Sun Yue didn't care.As soon as she arrived in her hometown, she lived in my house.Mother loves this daughter-in-law who has not yet "become a gift".Every day at noon, she secretly buried a poached egg in Sun Yue's noodle bowl, and Sun Yue always secretly gave the egg to my little sister... Children hold hands and dance together, Been in love for ten years. There is a river a thousand miles away, I have painstakingly written in two places. Only by breaking your wings can you know the vicissitudes of life, How does it hurt to lick blood and touch scars? Bow your head but hear your loving mother call: There is no home anywhere in the world. This is a poem she wrote to me when I sent the divorce certificate to Sun Yue.At that time, I tore it to pieces in front of Lan Xiang.However, these verses are always engraved on my heart, tearing my heart from time to time! How do I explain all this? When my mother heard the news of our divorce and rushed to province A to ask me why, I said forcefully: "She is good! I am not good enough for her!" My mother called me Chen Shimei and immediately left me, wanting me to live forever Don't go back to my hometown again, she has the right to pretend that I didn't give birth to this son.Our mother and son never saw each other again until my mother passed away the year before last. Lan Xiang finally couldn't resist me, turned around by herself, and leaned over pitifully.Ask me: "Do you regret it?" I pretended not to understand: "What do you regret?" "About marrying me!" she kept her eyes on me as she spoke. I laughed.Smile very brightly.At the same time stroked her hair: "When did I regret it? How could I regret it? Why, don't you think we are living happily? Since I married you, I have been dressed cleanly and neatly every day, This is worthy of my title of handsome man! But Sun Yue! When did she ever take care of me? She only cares about pursuing her ideals! Hmph!" "Then why is your hair graying so fast? You are only forty-four years old, and more than half of it is already gray. People who don't understand the situation think that I treat you badly!" He stroked my hair in embarrassment. My heart sank again, and I sighed heavily.My mother forgave me when she saw my white hair. "You did it to yourself, Huan'er! What a wonderful family, you broke them up. Go to Sun Yue's house and confess to her parents, otherwise, I won't close my eyes..." After saying this In other words, my mother died.I didn't go to Sun Yue's house, I came back after finishing the funeral.I want to bury all memories.If Sun Yue knew that my hair was gray... "At that time, workers were popular, and you still thought highly of me. Now that you intellectuals are popular, of course you think Sun Yue is better than me." Lan Xiang seemed to be speaking to me, but also seemed to be speaking to herself. I was really tired: "You can think whatever you want, I'm going to sleep!" After I finished speaking, I turned off the light with a "snap", closed my eyes, and let her toss, sigh, and sob on the bed. Am I ruthless?perhaps.But she doesn't understand me at all, how can I feel love for her?How did she become my wife?What a nightmare!Who didn't know that she was a romantic figure in the newspaper office and a worker member of the Revolutionary Committee.She married late, but had an early abortion.How could I fall in love with this kind of person?However, she became my wife! Those were turbulent and boring years.Rebellion, rebellion, everything turned upside down and messed up.Sun Yue used to write me a letter every week, but now she is unreliable.Sometimes, it took several months before a telegram came, and only the word "peace" meant that she, my wife, was still alive.Not long after the movement started, she was scolded as a "hardcore veteran".From then on, the hat got bigger and bigger and dirtier, until it became "the concubine of the party secretary of City University of C".I know her well and don't believe such slander at all.But when I think of her fighting in public with the sign of "姘姘" hanging around her neck, I always feel uncomfortable.I began to complain that she should not be so active in politics, and began to feel that she was not there for me, and in fact she was not doing her duty as a wife.And, somehow, my celibacy suddenly became unbearable.Under such circumstances, Fatty Wang drew me into Lan Xiang's circle of activities, and soon we met alone. "Women have widows, do men too?" This is what Lan Xiang said when she came to my residence for the first time!She looked sourly at the wedding photo of me and Sun Yue hanging on the wall.Sun Yue leaned happily on my shoulder, and my head was next to hers. "You are jealous!" I answered her with this sentence.I didn't look in the mirror, but I knew that my face could be compared to any shameless person.How can I do this? I took down the wedding photo from the wall and put Lan Xiang's photo in my wallet.I like to speak ill of Sun Yue in front of Lan Xiang more and more. In less than two months, I felt a great change in myself: my instincts increasingly oppressed my reason, and even basically squeezed out my reason.Just when I was trying to regain my sanity, Lan Xiang was pregnant. One misstep will cause eternal hatred!The person who invented this sentence should have a similar experience with me, right? I can't compare Lan Xiang to Sun Yue.Of course, in terms of appearance, both Lan Xiang and Sun Yue belong to the beautiful category.But Sun Yue is natural, while Lan Xiang is artificial.Sun Yue is a veritable "lover", but Lan Xiang is just a "woman".I haven't lived with Sun Yue for many days, but I always feel that there are endless memories, but the relationship with Lan Xiang is so monotonous that I can't tell the difference between this year and last year, today and yesterday.I really don't know how such a couple can get along. But can I get another divorce?What about Huanhuan?What would Sun Yue think?Will she still forgive me?These questions flashed through my mind more than once.How afraid I am!In order to get rid of these thoughts, I tried my best to force myself to do more things, and talked and laughed with my colleagues as much as possible.I kept inviting friends over for dinner and drinks to compliment my family life.However, nothing works.History is a cunning fellow, who often attacks me at night.My hair is turning white.How I want to see Sun Yue and the child!Forgive them, forgive them! "It's too late to regret. Will Sun Yue still get married? Now is the time for her to become popular, and she will still have you in her heart? Didn't you change the name of the child?" It turned out that Lan Xiang was not asleep.But I don't want to talk to her.I know that Sun Yue is not married yet.However, my regret was indeed too late.Yes, late.