Chapter 24 twenty four

In the evening, I went to Lana Hua's house as usual.If any action in life is repeated frequently, it will become a habit; people can't help but be dominated by this habit, not to mention that when I go to Lana Hua's house, I not only have the needs of my stomach, but also the desire of my heart.There, with her, even with a hi-hee in the middle - man!It should be said that there is me between Hai Xixi and her, but at this time I don't think so - I can also get what a person's heart must have.What is this thing?A little tenderness, a little pity, a little sympathy, a little respect, a little... so vague love.When I was a child, there was a monastery near my home.It is located on the hillside, and the red wall is hidden in a piece of green bamboo.Every morning, a heavy, slow, and distant bell sounded from it.It is heavy, slow and distant, so my thoughts can keep up with its lingering sound, as it disappears into the foggy Jialing River.Then, the next ringing of the bell brought another part of my thoughts...until it took the whole me out of this world, into a realm of nothingness, no self, no you, and no other.When I went to Lana Hua's house, I somehow always thought of that kind of bell.Maybe it's because she came to take me out of the hay-strewn bachelor dormitory when I was so embarrassed, so embarrassed, and being teased, and led me to her small room full of warmth.Moreover, she is a woman of the opposite sex, such a beautiful and lovely woman, so when I leave the hay-covered world and go to her hut with lights out, there is a strange kind of fulfillment, not without self, without you, without him, Rather, the whole world has a new and specific meaning for me.

Only I can appreciate this meaning.This is the restoration of normal human life; not being born, but returning to the human world.Originally, the memory of the past has been drowned in heavy shadows, like the moon swallowed by the rushing clouds.But in Lantana, there are always things of one kind or another, including her childish and intelligent fantasies, which make me connect the interrupted memories and know that I am a human being, a normal person.I thought that even if I fight with Hai Xixi today, it is the performance of a normal person in this living environment, and it can even be said to be an important sign that I have become a normal person.

The appreciative laughter of the peasant workers and Captain Xie's attitude of letting go and finally scolding Hai Xixi could not have better explained that they all believed that the result should be like this.I passed the assessment of this environment; they, normal people raised in this environment, accepted me as one of their ranks.Lantana was sleeping in Paershe—in the countryside, the children went to bed early, and when they saw me coming in, they got up and jumped off the kang.She closed the door first, then turned around and wiped the front of her coat with both hands. "Come on, let me see, what did this asshole whip you into?"

Only then did I feel a burning pain on my face.Later, when there was a fight, I also forgot about being whipped. She turned my face to the light, and her beautiful eyes flickered on my face, and she kept "tsk, tsk" while watching.I lowered my head and let her hands caress my face.When her trembling fingers passed me like a breeze and whipped me, I felt all the comforts in the world in it, and at the same time, Brahms' "Lullaby" for Madame Farber rang in my heart. what!Fate has not treated me badly. Her actions and expressions have undoubtedly revealed her deeper level of compassion and charity for me.When I discovered this, I felt relieved.To be loved is to gain some kind of entitlement.I sat down generously on the adobe stool and waited for her to serve me a meal.Today, she is especially radiant.Her lingering eyes were more fiery than usual, and the long eyelashes that blinked swiftly had a kind of coquettish meaning.Her beautiful lips were slightly parted even when she was not speaking, as if expressing some kind of surprise and longing.

While eating, I told her what happened today.I knew she pushed the door, and it was the first time in more than 20 days that she wanted to shut Hai Xixi out of the door.But I am still alert to the door.But until I left her house, there was no sound of Hai Xixi's footsteps at the door.She didn't care about the movement outside the door, and when talking about today's events, she showed me partiality and unreasonable doting towards me, and scolded Hai Xixi with rude words.It made me uneasy and felt unfair. "Aren't you really nice?" I asked, "I still think you are good friends." "What 'friends'!"

She blushed suddenly, and said angrily, "That donkey is a poor guy! One day he..." Having said that, she stopped suddenly, as if slamming on the brakes, and leaned forward a bit.Afterwards, she rubbed against the kang again, sat upright, pulled the mending clothes towards her bosom, continued to mend them, and stopped talking. I soon realized I was wrong.The "friend" I mean is a "friend" in the general sense, which is completely different from the "friend" she understands.The "friend" in her mind is the kind of "friend" that "you can't marry a good man, but you have to keep friends", that is, what we usually call a lover.

This confirmed my hunch.People have a very delicate psychology. They always feel that love is different from calligraphy and painting. The more seals are stamped on calligraphy and painting, the more valuable calligraphy and painting are. However, in love, it seems that others cannot take possession of it first.Little do they know that only mature love is the most precious. Lantana love is mature love. After being silent for a while, she raised her head again, the blush on her face had receded, her two pupils were shining brightly, she gave a soft smile, and said without thinking: "You are quite like ours. people!"

I smiled understandingly at her. "Our people" includes many meanings: working people - this is very important to me, manual workers, agricultural workers, and even the descendants of the Samarkands who migrated from Central Asia.Her words also made me understand why she would express her inner feelings so unmistakably today alone.For her, she is just a "student", who can only tell a few stories, and at most can only arouse her pity and sympathy; she must also be able to work, know how to work, and be able to resist violence with violence and use violence to protect herself only by her dignity can she win her love.what!I am a descendant of the Samarkandites.

She also told me that she didn't find all the black bakelite buttons on the uniform today—buttons are also in short supply at this time, and she will nail them for me when I find all the buttons tomorrow.She took out a piece of braided waste cloth from under the pillow and brought it to me, and let me tie it around my waist. "You," she said, laughing, "I know, there isn't even a rope." Yes, I don't even have a rope. "You know a lot about me." Now that I know she loves me, I don't have to be ashamed of my poverty.I then asked her in a relaxed tone: "But I don't know about you yet. Hey, let me ask you, who is Ershe's father?"

She lowered her head, muttered with a smile, and then said in a series of soft laughs: "I can't touch a man, once I touch a man, I will become pregnant..." Her answer astonished me.She didn't answer me directly at all.I thought this would lead to a story of her, a regret that might be sad or angry, but she wiped all the memories about this period into the trash can of time without any regrets. buried it.Listening to that tone, she seemed to feel that this kind of thing did no harm to anyone, and it did not do any harm to herself... It's terrible!She restored me to a normal person, connected my past memories with my present feelings, and thus made me feel confused, confused and novel about her.There are many things about her that I don't understand, and things that are contrary to my past moral values.However, when these things were expressed in her, they were so real, so kind, and so beautiful that they shook my moral concept, thinking that she was always right and beyond reproach.

She and Hai Xixi unconsciously infused the wilderness into my heart.And at the moment when I was returning to being a normal person, the effect was even stronger.