Chapter 29 Bian Xiaoyu said: Bian Yinhe is my sister (1)

Bian Xiaoyu and Bian Mi are strangers, not because Bian Mi left Lanzhou in the third grade of elementary school and settled in Shanghai.The main reason is that since he was a child, Bian Xiaoyu had little contact with his father, Bian Jin's family. Since the fourth son Bian Jinguo "settled" into his wife Qiu Li's parents' home, his heart seemed to have moved there, and he seldom returned to his biological parents' home.He was like a married daughter, returning to her mother's home became an accidental event.To do this, no one forced him, but he couldn't help himself.The home that is integrated with the father-in-law and mother-in-law is a completely different environment from the atmosphere in the parents' home. The parents' home is simple, ordinary, and monotonous, and the atmosphere of worldly life is everywhere; More importantly, he is a person who loves to read and talk about knowledge. His father only knows some basic characters, and his mother is illiterate. All his parents can tell him is some secular mother-in-law. If you are not interested, you have nothing to talk about with them.With father-in-law and mother-in-law, the situation is very different. They are knowledgeable and cultured. Being with them, talking and laughing, can enrich themselves, broaden their horizons, and chatting is not enough. This is a pleasant feeling , After entering, forgetting the origin is involuntary.Forgetting one's roots is a kind of vanity, not unfeeling. He thinks that when his parents need him, he will show up and perform his filial duties; necessary.He also thought, he has three older brothers, they all follow the secular norms, and often visit their parents when they have nothing to do, so there is no need for him to join in the meaningless fun.On this point, his wife Julie echoed him.At first, Julie would ask him from time to time when he would go back to see his parents, but Bian Jinguo said that he had nothing to do and would not go back, and Julie said: yes.A responsive and supportive attitude.Slowly, she stopped asking.

Bian Jinguo returned to his parents' house with his wife, Qiu Li, from once every two weeks to once every three weeks, once a month, and once every two months. Countable.A year later, in the winter of 1977, Bian Jinguo was admitted to Lanzhou University.In the summer of the second year, Julie was admitted to Northwest Normal University again. The reason why they had no time to go back was even more sufficient. They had no special needs or needs. Check it out.Excluding holidays, they went back less and less in the middle days. After Bian Jinguo and Qiu Li graduated and got new jobs, they only went back on holidays.

Except for big festivals such as Spring Festival, National Day, and New Year’s Day, when Bian Jinguo took his wife Qiu Li back to his parents’ home, he rarely brought his son Bian Xiaoyu with him. To keep him to stay, it will delay Bian Xiaoyu's kindergarten life.Bian Xiaoyu's grandparents were educated and knew about preschool education. Not long after Bian Xiaoyu moved here with his parents, they sent Bian Xiaoyu to a kindergarten, which was inside the water conservancy department of Bian Xiaoyu's grandfather's unit.There are teachers in the kindergarten, who will provide different levels of literacy and number addition and subtraction education to children of different ages.At that time, it was rare to see such a kindergarten that implemented early childhood education.For someone like Bian Jinguo who loves to learn since childhood and someone like Qiu Li who grew up in a cultural family, the education of children should be put at the forefront, and the playfulness of secular children is a kind of unnecessary delay and waste. waste.They have their own ideas. Bian Jinguo's parents and brothers are dissatisfied with their indifference, but they have no reason to publicly blame them. Since people have left their own family to live their lives and think their own way, who can interfere with others?

Parents' intentional restrictions made Bian Xiaoyu instinctively become unfamiliar with his grandparents.The days when he was intimate with his grandparents were before he was two years old. It was an age with a weak memory, and if he didn’t give it the power to continue layer by layer, faults were inevitable.There were fewer visits to grandparents' house, and his sense of intimacy with the people, things, and things there gradually weakened; after that, he completely forgot about it.In his reconstructed memory, when he went to his grandparents' house, every time he went there to drop by, it was not much different from visiting someone else's house.He was a guest there.This is true for grandparents, and even more so for other members of the family.Because, he has fewer chances to see them than his grandparents.The grandparents' kindergarten is the kindergarten for preschool children, but Bian Xiaoyu has another kindergarten, and the "kindergarten" of his grandparents stopped going after he was two years old.Grandpa and grandma are also a platform for the family members to gather their feelings. If Bian Xiaoyu is not on that "stage", he will not leave any emotional accumulation with anyone in the family.And before school age, it was the critical moment for him to lay the foundation of memory.The memory of everyone in the family is far away and hazy in his mind; when people in the family think of him, they also have a vague feeling.

Bian Jinguo was assigned to the Institute of Automation after graduation, and Qiu Li stayed at the school after graduation to become a teacher.The couple became veritable intellectuals.In addition, his grandparents graduated from college, Bian Xiaoyu is a child of a veritable intellectual family.Bian Jinguo and Qiu Li, who became intellectuals, became more and more attached to their family life with an intellectual atmosphere and their careers. They kept their own status and stayed away from the mediocre world. People in the Bian family have less leisure time to integrate.They are walking around with relatives even less than before.As if they were living in a field or outside.Bian Jinguo's parents and brothers have long been used to their "habits".Habit is also an invisible barrier; the barrier makes them not as casual as relatives, but as polite as guests.

Bian Xiaoyu's grandmother is an educator. She believes that early education can better develop children's IQ, so she advocated that Bian Xiaoyu go to school at the age of six.At that time, the school age was set to be eight years old. In order to go to school early, my grandfather asked someone to change Bian Xiaoyu's age by two years. In September 1980, Bian Xiaoyu, who was two months and six years old, entered the first grade of elementary school.In the class, he is actually the youngest, but he looks about the same age as his classmates.This is mainly balanced by his height. Not only is his height not lower than the average classmates in the class, he is also in the tall team.This is exactly the opposite of his father, Bian Jinguo, who was the oldest in the class when he was a child, but the height was the shortest.This result gave Bian Jinguo a sense of accomplishment, and he felt how wise he was to pursue the tall and beautiful Qiu Li unswervingly for the sake of future generations.

Bian Xiaoyu is not only tall, but also has good facial features, resembling father and mother.Both Bian Jinguo and Qiu Li are good-looking, and it is natural for a child to be beautiful.When Bian Xiaoyu was in the second grade of junior high school, his cousin Bian Yinhe became a household name overnight. After seeing Bian Xiaoyu’s colleagues in the work unit, she told Bian Jinguo and Qiu Li: My son is so good-looking, I will become an actor in the future.Regardless of whether people are joking or serious, Bian Jinguo and Qiu Li showed serious opposition. They don't think there is anything about actors, and they even look down on actors.In their eyes, the career of an actor is just a superficial glitz, lacking in culture and connotation; moreover, they feel that since it is a vanity fair, where the competition is fierce and cruel, people will do whatever they can, and it is easy for people to distort their character in that atmosphere.Also, the majority of divorces in the showbiz show that their attitude towards private life is casual, which is the impression given to the public and also given to them.What they value in life is not only knowledge and ability, but also a rigorous attitude towards life.On the issue of being an actor, such a view has long existed.As early as 1977, after Bian Yinhe was recruited into the repertory troupe and became an actor, they had a different attitude from the rest of the Bian family.They felt that the joy of the whole family was a kind of short-sightedness and vanity of the common people, and they made excuses for not going to the "celebration meal".

Cousin Bian Yinhe is an actress, but in Bian Xiaoyu's mind that is just a vague existence.He knew this, and it wasn't his parents who told him. It was when he was five years old that the whole family had a "big dinner" to celebrate his grandfather's 70th birthday. followed.During the meal, everyone talked about his cousin's performance, and he didn't know which cousin was an actress. "Actor" had a special profession, and he felt novelty, so he remembered people a little bit, unlike the other cousins ​​who also went to work, he couldn't tell who was who, let alone their occupations.The appearance of the cousin Bian Yinxi is also very memorable, she is very good-looking.In the eyes of the child Bian Xiaoyu, the cousin is as good-looking as a "fairy".From then on, he had a deep impression on cousin Bian Yinhe.Bian Xiaoyu's character is like his parents, he tends to be introverted, on the surface he is calm, but the concept is hidden deep in his heart.However, in a year, he can see his cousin once or twice at most, and his feelings are indifferent.

Bian Xiaoyu has been a top student in all grades since he was a child because of his family education background and his own intelligence.When he was in junior high school, he was admitted to a key middle school, the High School Attached to Normal University.When he was in the second grade of junior high school, his cousin Bian Yinxie became famous.For Bian Xiaoyu, this news was a message that fell from the sky.Because usually he didn't know anything about his cousin Bian Yinxie.Little contact with his cousin is one aspect, and his parents never mentioned anything about his cousin in front of him.I mentioned it once by chance, and I still told him not to mention that he has a cousin who is an actress in front of his classmates, saying that the influence would be bad.Bian Xiaoyu didn't understand why the influence of a cousin who was an actress was not good?He didn't ask any questions, but buried them vaguely in his heart.He is a child who listens to his parents. No matter in primary school or in the middle school attached to Normal University, Bian Xiaoyu has never mentioned to his classmates that he has a very good-looking actress cousin.The news of Bian Yinhe's fame was discovered by Bian Xiaoyu on the school's newspaper column.Whether it is a newspaper in Lanzhou or a newspaper from other places, there are reports. Most of the newspapers in Lanzhou are placed on the front page, which is proudly displayed.Each report is accompanied by a close-up photo of the cousin.Looking at the incomparably beautiful cousin in the photo, Bian Xiaoyu's mood is complicated, the pride is momentary, and more is the loss, thinking how strange his cousin is to him!He was silent and did not take the initiative to show off to any classmates.It's not because of the exhortations of his parents, but because of "strangeness" that he is not qualified.Afterwards, Bian Yinhe was transferred to Beijing, and Bian Xiaoyu became even more unfamiliar with this celebrity cousin psychologically.

On the first day of the Lunar New Year in 1990, Bian Xiaoyu followed his parents to his grandparents' house to pay New Year's greetings, as in previous years.It is also a rare time for him to go to his grandparents' house once a year.Grandparents were not at home, and they were received by their cousin Bian Yinxi who came back from Beijing for the New Year.The cousin said that grandpa and grandma went to the house of grandpa's old colleague in the courtyard and would be back in a while.After Bian Xiaoyu's parents sat down, they started chatting with Bian Yinhe without anything to say.Bian Xiaoyu's parents didn't like the entertainment industry, but they pretended to be concerned and asked about his cousin's entertainment.Bian Xiaoyu on the side sat there quietly, just watching what they said, unable to get in a word.The cousin is very good at taking care of him, asking him about his situation at school from time to time.He was a little jerky, with an unnatural expression on his face.The cousin is a star, and his heart is actually the same as that of ordinary audiences, nervous because of joy.It was the first time for Bian Xiaoyu to see her cousin so close, and the first time to hear her say so many things.The previous impressions and the impressions in the media publicity are vague and conceptual in his mind.The cousin in front of me has a slender figure, a handsome face, a gentle expression, a vigorous posture, a pleasant attitude towards others, a reserved and generous temperament, and a unique temperament.Looking at his cousin, Bian Xiaoyu was shocked. He is a sophomore in high school and has reached the stage of understanding aesthetics.At this time, the cousin in his eyes, the top and bottom, the inside and the outside, are harmoniously and perfectly combined, and her beauty is unparalleled; at the same time, the image of the cousin is deeply imprinted in his mind.

Bian Xiaoyu has a deep memory of his contact with his cousin Bian Yinhe this time.He didn't know why, but he would think of his cousin from time to time, and when he thought of his cousin, he couldn't help feeling happiness and pride in his heart.Everything is in the heart, and there is always a certain limit to what he can bear in his heart. If he can't bear it, he can't help expressing it.He began to be keen on talking about movies and actors with his classmates; the purpose of the chat was to finally talk about the actor Bian Yinhe; when he said it, he naturally liked and praised it the most.He was able to spread his wishes, and he felt honored as if he had made a contribution to his cousin.His only admiration was for Bian Yinhe, and his classmates would jokingly say that they were all surnamed "Bian", and it was normal for a family to praise the family.He just smiled and kept silent, neither saying yes nor denying, the students naturally wouldn't think too much about it.And Bian Xiaoyu said proudly: We are a family, and Bian Yinxi is my sister.But he knew that the students would not believe him when he said it.Anyway, the pride is his, buried deep in his heart, no one can shake it. Bian Xiaoyu's deep admiration for his cousin Bian Yinhe became stronger and stronger, and the cousin became his spiritual idol.In this kind of accumulation and repetition, the cousin is the symbol of an actor, which is unforgettable, and he became obsessed with the profession of an actor; in an instant he made a decision, he wanted to become an actor like his cousin.When he unscrupulously expressed his wish to his parents, the reaction of his parents was beyond his expectations. They first said a lot of prejudice against the showbiz, and then said that actors are not serious professions at all. His family would never allow him to take that path.Their tone was full of contempt for the actor's profession.Bian Xiaoyu didn't like to listen to his parents, so he couldn't help expressing his admiration for his cousin Bian Yinhe, in order to refute his parents' extreme views.His parents had even more reasons to persuade him, and adapted the story of Bian Yinxuan and Bai Yaming's breakup to say that Bian Yinxuan changed his mind when he was transferred to Beijing, which showed how utilitarian people in that circle were.Bian Xiaoyu said firmly that anyone could see it, and he didn't believe that his cousin could be such a fickle person, there must be something hidden in it.His parents thought he was naive and didn't try to argue with him too much, so they sternly said that he was going to be an actor, so don't go back to this home.Bian Xiaoyu was speechless, thinking that it would be useless for him to speak any further.His parents have great hopes for him. First, he will be admitted to Tsinghua University or Peking University, and then he will be admitted to graduate school and study abroad. In the future, he will become a talented person with outstanding strength. But Bian Xiaoyu's wish was not taken back because of this.He is a high school student in the 1990s, with self-confidence, self-esteem, and his own opinions, which are unshakable.He thought that if his parents objected, then he would carry it behind his back. When his wish came true in the future, he didn't care about his parents' attitude at all.There were students in their school who were admitted to art colleges. He was well-informed and knew the procedures for applying for art colleges.He privately asked the Film Academy for the 1991 admissions brochure.Knowing everything about the professional exam, he quietly prepared himself in private, reciting, singing, dancing (figure), sketches, these items, he participated in the performances in the school's cultural activities, and he didn't think it was a big deal hard.What makes him more confident is his image. He has the standard height required by the acting department and has a handsome face.In addition, there is his cousin Bian Yinhe, who is a very powerful backing, which made him believe in success.It's just that he has to think about the travel expenses and vacations needed to go to Beijing to take the professional exam, because he must not let his parents know about solving these problems.Once his parents know, his dream is "dead". Bian Xiaoyu pinned his hopes on the relatives of his father's family.Compared with his mother's family, where there are only grandparents, there is a huge family group, and he has a wide range of choices. He doesn't have to worry about finding someone suitable to help him. The difficulty is that he has been alienated from them since he was a child. It feels like he needs to muster up the courage to wipe away his face.As long as you are motivated, why can't you do it?Bian Xiaoyu thought about it, and chose to seek help from his fifth uncle, Bian Jinrong, who owns a restaurant.In the past two years, the family's annual "big dinner" has been at Uncle Wu's restaurant. He has some impressions of Uncle Wu, and feels that he is a bold and generous person, and he trusts him.Sure enough, after hearing this, Uncle Wu readily agreed.In particular, the more he heard about his parents' prejudice against actors and his cousin, the more Uncle Wu supported him and praised his cousin very much.His performance gave Bian Xiaoyu more strength. Bian Xiaoyu said he wanted to borrow 500 yuan, but Uncle Wu generously gave him 1,000 yuan, and said he didn’t want to pay it back. He joked that it was equivalent to investing in Bian Xiaoyu, and when Bian Xiaoyu became a star in the future, ten times more Pay him back.He also patted his chest and said that if Bian Xiaoyu was admitted to the Film Academy and his parents did not support him, he would pay for him to go.When Bian Xiaoyu heard this, he was very moved. He thought how good his relatives were, and immediately felt resentful towards his parents' lofty attitude of alienating them for a long time;After that, Uncle Wu took over the leave of absence.They reached a consensus that when Bian Xiaoyu boarded the train, Uncle Wu would go to the school in the name of Bian Xiaoyu's relatives to make up for Bian Xiaoyu's leave, personal leave or sick leave, which is easy to handle.In short, the main premise cannot be known to Bian Xiaoyu's parents. Everything was arranged properly, and Bian Xiaoyu left for Beijing five days before the professional exam.Before going to Beijing, he got the address of his cousin Bian Yinhe from his uncle Bian Jinsuo, wrote her a letter, and told her that he was going to Beijing to take the film school exam.The cousin quickly wrote back to him, saying that she would help him, and told him to come two or three days in advance, so that she could tutor him in his major, and said that no matter how good his image was, she would trust someone else, Bian Xiaoyu's The same is true for professional exams.On the way to Beijing, Bian Xiaoyu was excited and nervous. He thought he was about to meet his idol cousin; and he wanted to get in close contact with her again.From time to time, his heart would jump. When I saw my cousin Bian Yinxie, I didn't feel like I was in the mood along the way, and suddenly fell into a calm state.Because the cousin was not the only one who came to pick him up at the train station, there was also a tall and heroic man beside her.The man's name is Nanyang, and he is the boyfriend my cousin made last year. He didn't know or heard of it before.For some reason, the sudden appearance of Nanyang made Bian Xiaoyu feel lonely and inferior. Although he was not much shorter than Nanyang, standing in front of Nanyang, he couldn't help but lose himself.Nanyang has a strength of temperament, which he knows cannot be possessed in his immature body. Bian Xiaoyu lived in his cousin's house, which was a one-bedroom house, so Bian Xiaoyu was arranged to live in the hallway.The bed is a folding steel wire single bed specially borrowed by my cousin.From beginning to end, Nanyang followed.Bian Xiaoyu thought that he might leave at night, and he hoped that Nanyang would leave as soon as possible so that he and his cousin could be alone together. He would rather feel the tension and heartbeat.Instead of leaving, Nanyang stayed with his cousin.This made Bian Xiaoyu a little awkward and uncomfortable. He knew that he had no reason to be uncomfortable, but there was something unpleasant in his heart, which was not transferred by his will.That night, he was not tired from the journey, and he didn't fall asleep very late.His mind was a little out of order, and he couldn't help thinking about the back room separated from him, his cousin and Nanyang lying on the bed.They are all too outstanding, and they are so closely together that it is impossible not to envy and associate them.How wonderful will it be between them?His simple experience prevented him from giving full play to his imagination, and all he could think of were some vague superficial pictures, which were enough to make him uncomfortable again, thinking that Nanyang was an outsider who came in and occupied the hall. sister's place.Thinking of this, he remembered that he and his cousin were a family, a family, and told him to calm down again. The personal life of the cousin had nothing to do with him.He was a little sleepy with relief.In the haze, there were two calls calling for "Yinhe". It was the man's heavy and panting voice, followed by the woman's slight promise and panting voice.Bian Xiaoyu thought for a moment that he was dreaming, and then suddenly realized that it was the voices of Nanyang and his cousin in the house.The sound reminded him of the night, and after that, he never fell asleep again.In the back room, there was no more movement. When eating breakfast the next morning, Bian Xiaoyu's listless face was seen by Bian Yinhe. He lowered his head and admitted that he hadn't slept all night and dared not look at Nanyang and his cousin.Bian Yinxie and Nanyang looked at each other in blank dismay, passed their eyes, and came to a judgment.After that day, Nanyang came here, and in front of Bian Xiaoyu, he didn't stay overnight again, saying that he was going back to his dormitory.Bian Xiaoyu lay down every day, feeling calm, and soon fell asleep. Bian Yinhe tutored Bian Xiaoyu for three consecutive days.Bian Xiaoyu's perception and perception of performance are very good. In addition, his image expressiveness is also good, and his movements have a sense of rhythm. These are beyond Bian Yinxi's expectation. , are enough to be admitted.Having said that, Bian Yinxi still entrusted someone at the Film Academy to make sure nothing would go wrong.After all, the acting department recruited few people and took the exam, so the competition was fierce.In the end, Bian Xiaoyu naturally passed the professional examination.The recruiting teacher told Bian Yinhe that Bian Xiaoyu was indeed an actor.Bian Xiaoyu didn't tell his cousin that he took the exam behind his parents' backs until he left. He didn't want to worry her. After returning to Lanzhou, Bian Xiaoyu's parents naturally knew everything.But Bian Xiaoyu was determined and told his parents that if he was not asked to go to film school, he would not go to any university.It's useless for parents to be angry, so they can only vent their anger to Bian Xiaoyu as I said before, since he has no parents in his eyes, he will not go back to this house in the future.Bian Xiaoyu said "yes" indifferently, as if he could do what he said.The parents were scared, and took the initiative to reconcile with Bian Xiaoyu afterwards.The situation cannot be reversed, on the surface they can only admit it, but in their hearts they keep sighing.They didn't understand, how could their son think of going to the film school because he had been estranged from Bian Yinxie since he was a child?They thought it was Bian Yinxie who had instigated them, and they blamed Bian Yinxie very much.How did they know that it was the strangeness they intentionally created, which caused their son to have the curiosity and attraction towards Bian Yinkai, and he insisted on throwing himself into it.What they didn't even expect was that this kind of influence was only on the surface, and the more far-reaching was yet to come. While studying in Beijing, Bian Xiaoyu seldom saw his cousin. First of all, her cousin often went out to shoot movies and TV shows. Even if she was at home for a while, she always wanted to be with Nanyang, so he didn’t want to get involved.For some reason, whenever he saw Nanyang and his cousin together, he always felt uncomfortable, and his mood immediately became depressed.The more this taste accumulates, the more powerful it becomes.He didn't want to strengthen, so he had to escape, to keep out of sight.This strange feeling is actually caused by another feeling.In his position, his cousin Bian Yinxi had two positions.To the outside world, he would tell others without hesitation, "Bian Yinxie is my sister." He felt that showing that kind of "sibling" relationship to outsiders was a kind of dependence and would bring him a kind of happiness; And he doesn't regard Bian Yinhe as a sister. That "sister" is not a relationship between big and small, but a relationship built by relatives. This is a natural inertia that has not been connected for a long time. The concept given is difficult for him to accept from the bottom of his heart.He called Bian Yinxie his sister, but it was just a big and small relationship he recognized.No matter how he defines his relationship with his cousin, in his heart, the charm of the cousin in his heart remains unchanged; he also thinks that the cousin is the most beautiful.His cousin's boyfriend, Nanyang, made him envious and jealous. He thought, how happy Nanyang is to have his cousin!He held back his thoughts, in the future, he will also find a girlfriend who can attract him like his cousin.What he asked for was not appearance, he thought that no one could be like his cousin in appearance, and he expected it to be based on temperament.In his eyes, his cousin had an excellent temperament. She was high-spirited and gentle, generous and subtle, optimistic and affectionate, proud and kind, persistent and accommodating. In short, everything about her was just right. In the acting department, Bian Xiaoyu is well-known.First of all, he borrowed the light of his cousin's fame.He was very lucky. When he entered school, he was catching up with the peak of Bian Yinhe's "fame" again. At that time, Bian Yinhe was the most talked about actor, and Bian Xiaoyu was often brought up by his classmates; secondly, Bian Xiaoyu's handsome image He is also one of the best in the film academy, and his introverted and unassuming personality makes him look deep, and deepness is a kind of temperament that is sought after, so he stands out even more; thirdly, Bian Xiaoyu is not just superficial. With solid foundation, when he was admitted to the film academy, his college entrance examination score reached more than 500 points. Such a high score is rare among art school students, so he was called a "talented scholar" by his classmates.He is outstanding, so he naturally won the favor of many girls, not only from the acting department, but also from other departments; both from the same class and from different classes.None of these people had the temperament of his cousin, and he had no choice.However, when he was in the second grade, at a school dance, he found a girl who looked like his cousin.The girl is not from their school, but a freshman in the Directing Department of the Drama Academy.The girl's surname is Xi, and her name is Xixi, which is a very Westernized name.Cissy looks western, and looks like Bian Yinxuan in general, but she can't compare to Bian Yinxuan when you look closely at her face.The eyelids are not as double as Bian Yinzhen's, but the inner ones; the nose is not as straight as Bian Yinzhen's; the lips are not as plump as Bian Yinzhen's, but thin lips; the neck is not as slender as Bian Yinzhen's.But her long hair and figure are similar to Bian Yinxuan, and more importantly, her gestures are very similar to Bian Yinxuan, with a sense of rhythm and proportion.If you only look at Sissy from the back and the distant view, Bian Xiaoyu thinks it is her cousin.As long as he looks like his cousin in one aspect, Bian Xiaoyu is like a cousin in his heart, and he seems to have found support and peace in his heart.He quickly got close to Sissy psychologically.Xi Qian had heard of Bian Xiaoyu's reputation, and anyone who came into contact with such a boy would feel good about him.Bian Xiaoyu took the initiative, and Xixi happily accepted it.Before long, they were fine. Art school students are the pioneers of openness. When they get better, like all the male and female students who are in love, they can let go and have any intimate contact, and they will come into contact naturally.Conditions were squeezed through the gaps in the dormitory where no one else was present.At this time, Bian Xiaoyu was only eighteen years old, and Xi Qian was the same age as him, only less than ten days younger than him.This kind of experience is first for them, it is novel and exciting, and they sink into it for a while.As he sank into it, Bian Xiaoyu stopped thinking about his cousin for the time being, and only thought about his time with Sissy.When I looked at Sissy again, I felt that it was just his Sissy, and it was no longer mixed with the factors of my cousin.However, he understood why Nanyang called "Yinhe" in the middle of the night when he came to Beijing for the exam.It was a kind of happy moment, my cousin had it, and he had it too.They are their own, so they don't care about standing on the other side's standpoint and imagining more.Everything began to develop in the normal direction, to move in the normal direction.However, the death of Nanyang interrupted the process. The day Bian Xiaoyu got the news was already the fifth day since Nanyang passed away.It was Bian Yinxi who personally called and told him.During the phone call, the cousin choked up so much that she couldn't continue speaking.Bian Xiaoyu immediately felt that he was Optimus Prime for his cousin, put down the phone, and went straight to his cousin's house.As soon as he entered, Bian Yinxie called out "Xiaoyu" in infinite sorrow, and then he couldn't help leaning his head on his shoulder, as if he was his sustenance.Bian Yinfei closed his eyes, without saying a word, tears flowed silently, and fell onto the shoulders of Bian Xiaoyu's silver down jacket. Bian Yinhe was wearing a black bodysuit. Her waist was slender and her shoulders were slender; her long, messy hair fell on her shoulders.The pain made her face not flushed, and she was very pale against the backdrop of the black clothes.In Bian Xiaoyu's eyes, the cousin is now a wounded angel, weak and lonely.Bian Xiaoyu stood tall and tall in front of her, feeling powerful all over his body.His pity and love surged up spontaneously, and he stretched out his arms and hugged his cousin tightly recklessly.Bian Yinhe, like a wronged child who has found a relative to rely on, burst into tears.Bian Xiaoyu hugged his cousin tightly, and murmured, "There is me."His voice was covered by Bian Yinkai's weeping, and Bian Yinkai didn't hear anything. After this day, Bian Xiaoyu would spend time with her cousin every day, no matter it was morning or evening.At the beginning, Bian Yinkai was only immersed in his own world, and didn't care about other things. It didn't matter whether Bian Xiaoyu was in front of him or not.Thoughts and emotions are only lingering in the sadness that cannot be relieved.Bian Xiaoyu's arrival is like an added item in her house, and he still won't raise his voice to her.Bian Xiaoyu complied willingly, entered her situation, and just looked at her silently, purely "accompanying".Sometimes, he would stay overnight.At that time, the cousin, who was usually meticulous, was no longer in the mood to take care of him, and asked him to take care of herself.The cousin didn't take care of him, but he wanted to take care of the cousin, serving food and drink in front of her, and constantly telling her to eat and drink.Even if the cousin eats and drinks numbly, he will have a sense of accomplishment like an adult talking to a child.After more than a week, Bian Yinxi gradually felt relieved. Looking at Bian Xiaoyu, she thought, why didn't Xi Qian come with him?Bian Xiaoyu said unnaturally that he no longer needed her.Bian Yinxie asked sensitively, did you break up?Bian Xiaoyu nodded.Bian Yinxi asked why?Bian Xiaoyu looked at his cousin and said, "I just don't need it."There was affection in his eyes.Bian Yinhe thought that Bian Xiaoyu might have too many emotional entanglements with Xixi to tell her, but she really can't follow him with her current thoughts, and she can't say anything because of him, so it's better not to ask.Moreover, the young people of their generation have strong personalities and great changes, and their opinions cannot be changed by talking and teaching.Afterwards, Bian Yinxi knew that 1995 had already arrived for more than ten days, and Bian Xiaoyu was about to go on winter vacation. After the winter vacation, Bian Xiaoyu didn't set off for Lanzhou immediately, he wanted to go back with his cousin.Bian Yinxuan wanted to pass the time and buffer her heartbroken emotions so that she could face her family with a "good" attitude.Bian Xiaoyu followed her cousin's life and left.In the days before he left, he lived in his cousin's house and stayed with her every day.During that time, Bian Xiaoyu learned to do housework, buy vegetables, and cook simple meals. He was so kind and willing, but Bian Yinxie would not stop her.Seeing Bian Xiaoyu's efforts to take good care of her, she felt very emotional and said: This is really a sensible child.Bian Xiaoyu returned to Lanzhou on the time of his cousin, and returned to Beijing on her time.In the days when school is not started, he is still by his cousin's side every day.Bian Yinhe felt that Bian Xiaoyu was like his own younger brother. With Bian Xiaoyu's company, one person's concentration was reduced, and it should be said that it shortened the time for Bian Yinxuan to get rid of the pain.After Bian Xiaoyu started school, Bian Yinhe basically returned to work and started filming "movies".No matter where he went to shoot, wherever he went, Bian Yinxi would call Bian Xiaoyu, as if he was a family member who lived with her.And Bian Xiaoyu has to call the crew from time to time, and he has to talk to his cousin two or three times when he has nothing to say, and finally always says "take care", his tone is like Bian Yinhe's elder.After being accompanied and taken care of by Bian Xiaoyu for a while, Bian Yinkai also regarded him as a mature little adult, and agreed with a somewhat obedient tone.The family relationship between her and her cousin has become deeper and deeper. The days passed day by day, and Bian Xiaoyu graduated a few months later.Because of Bian Xiaoyu's good image and good major, he was assigned to stay in Beijing after graduation, joined the actor troupe of the film studio, and became a professional actor.From then on, Bian Xiaoyu's life became busy like her cousin Bian Yinhe, always having "drama". The mid-1990s was the period when TV dramas began to be widely produced. Bian Xiaoyu and Bian Yinhe were always making film appointments. They were either your crew who went to this place, or I was in a drama in another place; or when you were free, I was in a drama. When I'm free, you're on the show.In short, there is no free time together.We both have concerns about each other, and we often make phone calls, but we just can't see each other.In a flash, it had been nearly two years before they had the chance to get together. At this time, Bian Xiaoyu was only twenty-two years old, but his appearance had a deep sense of vicissitudes. This was probably caused by the wind and the sun while filming outside.并且，他做演员，积极健身炼体，与过去相比，他的身板宽厚了许多。他的人中和下巴上，一圈的青色的胡子楂儿印，显得男性气十足。他看起来已经不像二十二岁的样子。而在卞小宇的眼中，堂姐的风姿，美丽依然；她的眼神比过去多了几分忧郁，反而给她增加了更深的韵味。 他们见面是在卞银薿的家，在聊过了一堆的各种话题后，卞小宇沉吟地问堂姐结交了新的男朋友了吗？卞银薿脸色一下沉了下来，呈现出伤心的表情，摇摇头说，她压根就没考虑过。卞小宇知道堂姐为什么不，是心里还在想着南洋。他的心划过一丝像以前见到堂姐和南洋在一起时的难受滋味。他沉默了，不知该说什么话，低下头凝思。卞银薿强作轻松，反问堂弟找了女朋友吗？卞小宇摇摇头说，他也压根没考虑过。卞银薿不解，问他为什么？卞小宇说，跟堂姐一样，为一个人。卞银薿笑着说，是为西茜？卞小宇摇摇头，盯着堂姐，重重地出口气，说以后再告诉她。说到这个话题，叫他们都是沉郁的，气氛有些尴尬。卞银薿是姐，强作欢颜地打破了沉寂，又无话找话地说了些闲话，他们就出去吃晚饭了。 从餐馆出来的时候，已经快九点了，是纯粹的晚上了。卞银薿望了眼高大的卞小宇，停下脚，说：你不要送我了，打个车，你早点回去休息吧。“回去”的地方是指卞小宇的宿舍。她是有意这样说的，她想卞小宇已经不是以前的毛孩子了，她不希望卞小宇再住到她的家里，那样会有些不方便和别扭的。 卞小宇却摇摇头，说：回去也是一个人，没意思，我住你的家里。 卞银薿欲言又止，理解似的点点头，轻声说了句“好吧”。回去的一路上，两个人都不再说话。夜色中，总是有一种预示，有事要发生似的。 一开始是正常的。他们坐在正屋，一边看着电视，一边偶尔地聊上两句闲话。天花板上开着十足明亮的灯。银白色的灯光，照得房间四角通亮，像在白天似的。卞银薿自己看电视的时候，不开这样亮的灯，她更喜欢光线幽暗的感觉。卞小宇在，开亮了灯，会自在和坦然。这种感觉，是不由自主的。 变化是在他们要收拾着休息的空当。当时，卞银薿在卫生间盥洗，当她埋头洗完脸，一抬头，从镜子中看到了卞小宇。卞小宇站在她的身后，凝神看着她，专一投入。卞银薿的心微微一颤，有惊吓有惊疑，这很像过去南洋的身影；而卞小宇不该以这样的神色对她。卞银薿很快调整了状态，对着镜子中的卞小宇轻轻一笑，低声说了句：你吓了我一跳。说着向脸上涂搽起护肤品，没事的样子。 卞小宇不改神色地盯着卞银薿，她的脸，光润洁净，秀色撩人。卞小宇深深地说：你真美！银薿。 卞银薿的心嘣地一跳，卞小宇叫她“银薿”，真的吓着了她。平时卞小宇都是叫她姐的，这一定是一个异常的信号。她尽量装着没有感觉到的样子，沉着气更正说：我是姐，叫我姐。 卞小宇一脸深情地说：不，你是我的银薿。这句话说得像念台词一样动情，果断。 卞银薿惊诧得心脏几乎要停止跳动了，她转过身，凝视着卞小宇，不敢相信的神情，喃喃说：你这孩子，怎么能这么，能开这样的玩笑！她的话有些语无伦次，声音有点颤抖。 卞小宇没有回答，却突然将卞银薿搂进了怀中，十分用力的。 卞银薿没有挣脱，她是有点麻木无力的。她只轻声颤抖地说：放开我，小宇！口气是坚定的。 卞小宇搂她更紧，坚定地说：不！他闭上双眼，沉迷的样子。 卞银薿也闭上双眼，尽力平静了一下自己，像哄孩子似的说：这样不对，我是你姐，知道吗？ 卞小宇摇摇头，说：姐弟相恋的人有的是。 卞银薿立即睁开眼，彻底明白什么似的，用力从卞小宇怀中挣脱出来，看着卞小宇，严肃起来。她出了一口气，尽量平定自己情绪的样子。默思片刻，她语重心长地说：首先，我们是有血缘关系的，连国家的法律都禁止这样的关系发展，这个利害关系你不明白吗？ 卞小宇痴痴地看着卞银薿，摇了下头，说：从小，你在我心里是陌生的，我对你没有那个“姐”的概念，也不存在那种感觉。 卞银薿说，可这是事实！ 卞小宇低声说：我没别的意思，只想永远陪伴在你身边。 卞银薿拍了下卞小宇的肩膀，有意用一种戏谑的口气说：那也不合适，我比你大十三岁，你陪着我，太亏了。 卞小宇用孩子似的任性口气说：不，是十一岁！ 卞银薿说：那是你改过的年龄，不算数的。 卞小宇说：我上学早，心理年龄早就到了。 卞银薿苦笑说：那也大得多！然后果断地说：以后不要再提这样的话了！咱们是该各有各的生活的！说着岔开话，催促卞小宇洗脸刷牙准备休息吧。说罢，卞银薿就走开了。 卞小宇愣愣地站在那儿，无奈而渴望地看着镜子中的自己，轻声地说了句：不！ 有了这样一出，他们再在一起，不能近不能远，彼此都是感到别扭的。卞银薿就对卞小宇说，你回你的宿舍住吧。卞小宇说不，他就要跟卞银薿待着。卞银薿想，他毕竟小，不能太伤害他的自尊心，让他一点点悟吧。也就不再说催他走的话了。但和卞小宇在一起，怎么也不能达到从前那样的自然状态了。 好在，两天后，有个剧组要卞小宇第二天去试戏。卞小宇再住一个晚上就要走了。卞银薿松了口气地想，卞小宇走了后，她就好采取办法了，就是今后找理由不再见他，要“强迫”他离开自己的视野。 这个晚上，从他们一起吃晚饭，看电视，盥洗，到各进自己的屋，各上自己的床准备入睡，气氛虽有些沉抑，还算正常，中间没有“意外”情绪介入。躺在床上，卞银薿想：好了，从现在起，一切就会慢慢过去了。想着，她也有几分失落，为她那决定从此不见卞小宇的决定。她和卞小宇毕竟处出了深厚的亲情。在翻江倒海的失意中，她昏昏入睡。不知什么时候，她隐约感到有一只手握住了她的手，她以为是在做梦，却又感觉真切，在迷糊中她睁开了眼。蒙眬中，她看到卞小宇和衣坐在床边。本能地，她一激灵，坐了起来。 卞小宇像哄孩子，对卞银薿说：躺下，别感冒了。说着轻按卞银薿躺了下来。 黑夜宁静，人心平静。卞银薿躺下，极其平和地问几点了？卞小宇说四点多了。这是冬日，离天亮还有一个多小时。卞银薿也不问什么，关心地对卞小宇说再去睡会儿吧。卞小宇摇摇头，说他睡不着。沉吟着说：他就想再多看卞银薿几眼，他有种预感，好像出了这个门，以后，他就很难再见到卞银薿了。其实在黑暗中，他也看不清卞银薿面容的。卞银薿想卞小宇就要走了，她不能对他太“残酷”了，卞小宇想看她，就叫他看吧。她什么也没说，与卞小宇沉默对应着。 卞银薿并没有彻底清醒，逐步有些昏沉，就闭上了眼。 卞小宇伸出另一只手，轻轻地摩挲起卞银薿的脸。 卞银薿隐约中静静地感受着。南洋已经两年没有抚摸过她了，这抚摸，叫她感觉熟悉，又有些陌生。 深夜中，人的意识混乱、迷茫，意志会脆弱，会变异，还会丧失。卞银薿涌起了一种需要，她浑身无力，不能抑制，任由发展。卞小宇的手从卞银薿的脸上，移到了她的身体上，又一点点地透过睡衣穿透进她的肌肤，然后覆盖在她圆润的乳房上。卞银薿心跳加速，喘息急促。卞小宇控制不住冲动，伏身在卞银薿耳边动情地叫了声“银薿”，卞银薿喘息地“嗯”了一声，卞小宇便激情地吻住了她。卞银薿的嘴唇柔润冰凉。卞小宇激动地想，这就是他从小就开始迷恋的美丽的堂姐啊，他有点不敢相信这一切。 卞小宇的吻带有欣赏性，温柔舒缓。他一点点地，从卞银薿的嘴唇，吻到了她的脖颈，胸口，乳房。 卞银薿的浑身就要燃烧了，燃烧得她神情恍惚。 卞小宇一边吻，一边喘息地说：银薿，我们可以不结婚，不生孩子，就能永远地在一起。 这句话是陌生的话，南洋从来没有说过这样的话，也绝对不会说这样的话。那是怎么回事呢？卞银薿睁开了迷惑的双眼，黑暗的房间变成了灰暗，屋内的东西都显出了形体。原来天亮了。透过落地窗帘的缝隙，她看到了外面的空气是灰白色的。眼前的人是卞小宇！这个曾经在她眼皮底下掠过的一个孩童。it turns out!她惊诧地一把推开了卞小宇，大吼一声：滚！Get out! 卞小宇被卞银薿突然的变故惊得目瞪口呆，然后他流出了眼泪，委屈地说：我就这么让你讨厌？ 看到卞小宇的眼泪，卞银薿的心一下软了下来。卞小宇伏在她的床边。她伸手从床头柜的纸巾盒中，抽出几张纸巾，轻轻地给卞小宇拭去泪水。同时，她的眼圈也红了。 卞小宇不知是委屈还是感动，头窝进床上，号啕大哭起来。他一边哭，一边大声说：我为了和你在一起，离开了西茜，你怎么能不要我呢！他的嘴捂在床上，声音闷闷的。 卞银薿怜爱地抚摸着卞小宇浓密的黑发，眼泪落了下来。她深深地说：是我们不能这样啊！ 卞小宇不说话，闷头抽噎。卞银薿一脸茫然，也不说什么了。 片刻，卞小宇屏住了哭，抬头，看着卞银薿说：我知道，我是不该的，我们也不能的，可我控制不住。他的脸上被眼泪涂得有些“花”。 卞银薿心疼地用纸巾给他轻轻地擦了下脸，勉强笑着，说：知道就好。 卞小宇没有回答，用力呼出了一口气。静默片刻，他站起来，默默地转身走开了。 卞银薿靠着床头，脑袋有些沉重，天亮前的一切，好像是梦。她长长地出了口气，想：梦过去了。 门厅，开亮了灯，传来窸窣的声音，卞银薿知道，那是卞小宇在收拾他的东西。她想起床，像以前一样，以姐姐的姿态，去给他侍弄早餐。可她浑身无力，而且她也感到，那热情在今天是不合时宜的。今天，他们需要的是彼此沉默。而这种沉默，其实在彼此心中，是比以往更加有数的时候。 门厅的灯拉灭了。卞小宇穿戴整齐地站在卞银薿的卧室门旁，单肩背上了他的军绿色的双肩大背包，生气勃勃要旅行的样子。卞银薿看着卞小宇，想他多年轻，多好的年龄啊！卞小宇凝视着卞银薿，低声而用力地说：我走了。卞银薿点点头，欲言又止。她深深喘了口气，轻声说：走吧。卞小宇深沉地说了句“多保重”，转身就走了。之后，传来了防盗门“咣”地关上的声音。卞银薿的眼泪夺眶而出。 之后，卞银薿和卞小宇没有再见过面，也不再打电话。在演艺圈，消息是灵通的，他们各忙什么彼此都是知道的。一年后，卞小宇在圈里圈外已经有些名气了，事业前景很好。但是，在1999年卞小宇干得正好的时候，他却突然去了法国。临走前，他给卞银薿留了一封信，说西茜在法国，他去找西茜了。他与西茜在一起，宁可默默无闻。他说他不想在国内过着表面浮华的生活，因为他的心灵一直是孤独无助的。有了西茜，会好一些。在信的最后，他说，西茜是有些像卞银薿的。卞银薿是第一次听到卞小宇这么提到西茜，但她没有感到惊奇，反而有些预料中似的；虽然她不觉得西茜像自己。